There's Always Some Reality in a Dream

Things have been a bit weird here recently. My life feels like everything has not stopping coming at me for a while. Feels very much like I’m on a ride at the fair and it’s pushing and pulling and making my stomach knot. I hate the wait for a rollercoaster. I hate knowing I’m gunna be scared.

I live my life scared of everything and I hate it. Sometimes I wish I could remember what it feels like…

There’s Always Beauty

I remember a time, not long ago, where I didn’t think that beauty existed in the world anymore. Everything I had I was losing. I was losing loved ones quicker than I knew what to do. I was pushing the rest of the world away and losing them too. I had no purpose in my life and couldn’t see how there could be anything beautiful in such a shitty cruel world.

I was convinced that nothing would ever…

Am I an adult now?

Your 20’s are a super weird little few years. You’re stuck between friends having babies and getting engaged and friends who haven’t stopped drinking since they turned 18 and still club every Friday night.

Sometimes being in your 20’s feels like you should have all your shit together and have a 5-year plan ready to go. Some people have that. That’s great, you wanna be a doctor in three years and…

Its been a while since I’ve been writing. 4 months.

My life’s sort of been flipped upside down in four months. I feel like a million miles from where I was at the last time I sat down and wrote a blog post.

The long and the short. I’ve moved 200 miles, living with my wonderful boyfriend, new job.

All the change as made me missing writing. Its made me miss all the things I used to do when I was in…

2018

you were a bitch as I can not wait to say goodbye to you.

I’ve spent a year loving and losing and breaking. This year has torn me to shreds and I’m ready to be done with it. Everyone’s lovingly reviewing their year and all I want to do is burn every trace that this year even happened.

I have no idea what 2019 is going to turn out to be. Could be a worse year than before but it could be…

Sometimes I feel like the worlds worst kind of hypocrite. I’m good at pouring advice into the world and telling people they are good enough. I write a blog about being okay with yourself and how its okay to be mentally ill.

The truth is. I spend a lot of my time making my entire life worse by not taking my own advice.

I’m addicted to my own self-destruction.

I make so many mistakes as soon as…

Dear Autumn,

Oh, autumn how I’ve missed you. Your chilly air and crisp cold mornings are back to take hold. I can feel the chill in the air even on the warmer days.

The leaves are turning and the colours and flooring throughout. I can already feel the crunch under my feet as Igo out of my way as I’m walking to step on as many as I can.

Autumn, this year you are different. Your chill and leaves…

As I write this is it the 10th of September, World Suicide Prevention Day.

I have been both sides of the coin when it comes to suicide.

I’ve been the girl begging the universe to kill her so she doesn’t have to do it herself.

I’ve been the girl begging the universe to bring her best friend back so she can prove how many people loved her and wanted to help her.

I’m here to tell you, Suicide is…

I am a bigger lady. I sit at around 16/18 clothes and I’m 5’1″ meaning I am chunky.

One thing I’ve always found is that I have never felt sexy.

I can try as hard as I like. I bought all the underwear you could think of buying to make myself feel something good about myself. For a little while, some of it felt like it might work. Then this creeping doubt sets in and I feel like I’m an imposter,…

Rock bottom When youre at the bottom theres only one way to go

Rock bottom is a place further down than you ever thought you would reach. It’s the empty crawling dark space below your worst nightmares.

How do I know?

I’ve spent nearly a year living there.

Rock bottom is the best place to hit. It means the only way you can go is upwards.

I hot rock bottom shortly after my best friend died. I stayed there through the relocation that she killed herself, then…

Just some words about a girl who means the world to me.

I lost my creative spark. I can name the exact day it went.

7th November 2017.

The date I found out my beautiful best friend had died.

This post is not a pitty post, not a woe is me my friend’s dead post, this is just the ramblings of a girl who misses her best friend and likes to write words on a shitty internet site who no one reads. Feel free to flick off. I did warn you.

A month ago I found…

I had one of them days this week.

The days where it feels like the world might crack and break at any minute. Like the grey clouds will never end and the sky will never look bright again. My day felt like it lasted forever.

So what did I do? I thought of the only ways I could feel like a human. I got in a bath with a new bath bomb and filled my bathroom with the sweet sense of orange and lemon.…

I like most people started the year making them new years resolutions. New year New you.

How am I doing ? Well I’ll give you a hint. We are 16 days into the new year and today I shoved five guys burger in my face and spent last night eating Chinese food. So healthy eating. Bye-bye. Exercise? The shoulder injury that stopped me running half the week put and end to that. The loving myself (or…

It’s half midnight. I’m awake listening to the wind howling through the windows of my house. It’s screaming to get inside and wrap itself around the warmth until it’s smothered. The rain is battering to soak us but instead soaks the windows.

I am dreaming. Not of far away places, but instead far away people. The people I love are scattered across the country. They are everywhere that I am not.

T…