SOLUTIONDOWN

Does service of a meal that consists of a colorful brick-like lump of pureed vegetables, raisins, meats and various unknown ingredients constitute cruel and unusual punishment?  The answer is now a definite “maybe.”

Other governments may have reached a terrifying conclusion, but the United States has continued to place an emphasis on the protection of the public…. at least until several days ago.  At that time, the U.S National Science Advisory Board for Biosecurity reversed its position and declared that the studies should be fully and openly published in scientific journals.  Dr. Paul Keim, the acting Chairman of the committee, explained that it changed its recommendation because it now believes that the experiments were not as dangerous as originally believed and that the benefits are greater than originally perceived.  Not surprisingly, the editors of Science and Nature immediately declared that they would publish the research as soon as possible...

State budgetary crises seem to be a remnant of the past and local governments are apparently no longer associated with inefficiencies and waste.  Obviously, our political heroes have already determined the best means of developing local communities, successfully created jobs and reduced unemployment, significantly improved local schools, addressed childhood obesity and crafted an intricate plan to pay for the rising costs of health care.  They’ve served their constituents, overcome the challenges and are now bravely seeking a new campaign.

So, no longer content to merely revel in their success, local government leaders are now promoting the consumption of lean finely textured beef, thereby touting the benefits of “pink slime” and discouraging further public outcry against the widespread use of the filler....

Domino’s Pizza has launched a national marketing campaign that has absolutely nothing to do with pizza.  Enter the wonderful world of Domino’s Parmesan Bread Bites, the latest offering that is the subject of a brand spankin’ new commercial that’s part of the latest corporate advertising campaign.

The commercials feature Brian Edler, a franchise owner in Findlay, Ohio.  He’s been a rising star in the industry for some time, first receiving national attention when he set a world record by baking 206 medium cheese pizzas in one hour.  His pizza-powers are the stuff of legends, as he served as  Captain of the U.S. Pizza Team, competed at the World Pizza Championship in Italy and won the Fastest Dough title at the annual World Pizza Games.

Well, Franchisee Brian is back in the news.  He apparently designed the Parmesean Bread Bites by deciding to cut a breadstick into four separate and distinct bite-sized pieces and sell the product to consumers...

Nolan Ryan, the competitive owner of the Texas Rangers, is obviously not impressed with the StrausBurger.  Earlier this week, his team introduced the Champion Dog, a 2 foot hotdog served on a virtual loaf of bread that weighs in at around a pound.  The monstrosity is complimented by sauteed onions, shredded cheese, chili, jalapenos, and, of course, a side order of french fries.  As you can tell from this picture, it’s about as big as a baseball bat.

Steve Peterson, President of Classic Foods, the producer of the meat used in the Champion Dog, was obviously excited.  When referring to the surreal combination of meat trimmings, fat, flavorings and preservatives, he claimed that it was “the next ka-pow.”  I’m still not sure if he was referring to the hot dog, the 2,000 to 3,000 calories contained in the meal, or its $26 price tag....

Walt Disney once said, “I have been up against tough competition all my life.  I wouldn’t know how to get along without it.”

Well, weekend warriors and gym rats may be able to learn a thing or two from the creator of the goofy little mouse with red shorts.  Scientific research is now exploring the relationship between competition and athletic performance, and recent studies support the conclusion that people perform at greater levels when competing against an opponent.

For example, Professor Kevin Thompson, the Head of Sports and Exercise Science for Northumbria University, recently examined the effects of competition by....

Today is World Water Day, and today’s event explores the relationship between the availability of water and world hunger.  Earlier, we discussed it in an article, WORLD WATER DAY: A far more meaningful cause than National Oatmeal Cookie Day.

If you’re interested in World Water Day and recent discussions of world hunger, you may want to check out a few other articles...

(excerpt)  The lanky phenom has a new claim to fame: the organization is now cleverly marketing a hamburger dubbed ” the StrasBurger” as a homage to the pitcher.  The burger is sold at the Red Porch Restaurant, located in the Center Field Plaza of Nationals Park.  It almost makes too much sense: hungry fans can eat a Strasburger while watching Strasburg.

So far so good… except… the StrasBurger weighs in at EIGHT POUNDS...

...

Well, the council is steamin’ mad at a group of physicians and medical professionals.  The Physician’s Committee for Responsible Medicine, a group of more than 125,000 health care professionals and others, has launched a campaign to warn consumers about the risks associated with the consumption of processed meats, which have been associated with colon and other cancers.

The group placed roadside billboards that poignantly describe the dangers associated with the consumption of hot dogs and processed meats.  The most recognized billboard is located along the Eisenhower Expressway in Chicago, Illinois, and it claims that “Hot Dogs Cause Butt Cancer.”  Similar billboards have also been placed in Miami, Florida and Indianapolis, Indiana.

Yep.  The National Hot Dog & Sausage Council is miffed.  Queen Riley described the sign as “misleading,” “outrageous” and “alarmist.”  J. Patrick Boyle, the President of the American Meat Institute, argued that...

Question:  What is the most efficient means of treating a patient suffering from an addiction to heroin?

Answer:  Medical professionals should administer regular doses of heroin to the patient.

Wait.  What?

... [a]pparently, there’s a way to profit from the meal. Rebekah Speight recently taught the world that a three year old Chicken McNugget resembling George Washington can fetch over $8000 on E*bay.

The media provided fairly extensive coverage of the fast food industry’s use of “pink slime.”  The obnoxious substance consists of fatty beef scraps and connective tissue that are treated with ammonia hydroxide to remove pathogens such as Salmonella and E. coli.  The concoction is put in a centrifuge to isolate those parts that contain protein, which transforms the scraps into a gelatinous substance that bears a striking resemblance to a certain anti-diarrhea medication.

Once the process is complete, it is used as a filler for commercial ground beef used by fast food restaurants and sold by grocery stores.  Gerald Zirnstein, formerly employed as a scientist with the United States Department of Agriculture, claims that around 70 percent of the ground beef sold at supermarkets contains the pink slime...

(click on the link for the full article)

... [t]he market is continuing to expand beyond specialty coffee, energy shots and energy drinks, and I quickly learned to never underestimate the creativity of a dedicated entrepreneur armed with a unique idea.  I therefore won’t be underestimating David Edwards, a professor at Harvard University in the School of Engineering and Applied Sciences.  He’s the proverbial new kid on the block, and he wants to revolutionize the industry.

Mr. Edwards contributed to the formation of Breathable Foods, Inc.  The company is now selling AeroShot Energy, which is often described as breathable caffeine.  The product is sold as a small gray cylindrical device that contains a fine powder.  Users Consumers simply need to remove its yellow cap and inhale the powder to receive a mix of caffeine, vitamins and other ingredients.  Each AeroShot Energy supposedly contains the same amount of caffeine as a large cup of coffee.

Later this year, the troops will be promoting the Nestle Crunch Girl Scout Candy Bar, which appears to be the offspring of a chance encounter between a Nestle Crunch candy bar and Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies.  These creations are now being described as “dark chocolate cookie wafers and mint chocolate creme, topped with airy crispies.”  Josh Ackley, a media relations contact and spokesperson for the organization, could barely contain his excitement: