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And Now That You Don’t Have To Be Perfect You Can Be Good 2026

They just invented the world’s fastest sandwich. They’re calling it the autobáhn mì

Couples shirts that say "I'm misery" and "I'm company"

there should be one halloween a month

I think my 👀 brain is 👀 rotting 👀 in places 👀 I think my 👀 heart is ready to die 👀 I think my 👀 body is falling 👀 in pieces 👀 i thinj my blood is passing me by 👀

my high horse is actually awesome and fast like the wind

Remember when you could look things up online. Do you remember how we used to search

it's called the whether because it depends

June and July are the same months btw. They want you to think they're two different months but it's the same month that's 60 days long. Same way August is actually August and the first half of September

society has progressed past the need for crowd work comedians

Tonight's performance of Waiting for Godot has been cancelled. We apologize for the inconvenience. Please see the box office for a complimentary voucher to tomorrow night's performance.

a lot of people don’t tell you this when you’re starting to remodel your own home but occasionally under the floorboards you’ll find the entrance to an unimaginably sprawling and vast complex of underground lakes connected to each other through intricate networks of tunnels where suburbanite mermaids have set up mermaid strip malls with mermaid verizon, mermaid driving school, the mermaid liquor store, and so on. and many people will think this is a plumbing issue, but it’s actually a zoning problem

who up wasting their only shot at life through complete and utter inaction