Hi MTV Welcome 2 My Crib

once i permanently get rid of my headaches then you'll all see

i hate it when people mistake "etymology" with "entomology." like, i know where they coming from but it still bugs me

hey guys im making french toast sticks in the oven. I’m gonna take a quick nap wake me up in 5 minutes so i can flip them over

Randy its been five minutes flip your sticks

snnnnzzzzz

every day i am thankful to ancient humans for the domestication of the cat. fucking genius idea. agriculture was a good one too btw but you really outdid yourselves with the cat thing

Will the owner of the green amoeba please come to the parking lot? Your amoeba is being towed 🦠

Where's that tweet about how American chants are "let's go [team name] and some other country (Irish?) fans are "I've made up a song about the other team's drinking problem to the tune of London Bridge Is Falling Down one two three"?

Let's fucking grab this Wednesday by the nothing

im listening to some above ground normal shit youve probably heard of

you ever hear a new song and immediately go “oooh the fake scenarios in my head are gonna love this”

happy pride month to this post specifically

when i was at walgreens (at 3 in the morning which explains all of this) the cashier was talking to her coworker about how shed rather be a werewolf than a vampire because vampires are condemned to hell but werewolves arent and then she asked me what i thought and i said vampire because im already condemned to hell and she said in the nicest tone of voice “i dont think anybody is condemned to hell….” paused, stared at me for a few moments, and added on “…not even gay people” 

Happy pride month to the filthiest most brutal read I’ve ever been given in my life

happy birthday, gilbert baker. (june 2, 1951 — march 31, 2017)

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