all this time - harry lewis
part 2 - it didn’t go back
a/n: ok so… yeah. this one got a bit out of hand.
they’re both aware. they’re both pretending they’re not.
nothing really happens… but also everything kind of does.
we’ll deal with the consequences later x
Also let me know if anyone wanna be in the taglist. I haven’t created one yet. I will add when its done 🫶🏻
wordcount: ~5.2k words (approx)
warnings: slowburn, alcohol mention, smoking, suggestive, mutual pining, almosts , friends to something more (implied)
summary: party where everything feels familiar, you and harry fall into the same rhythm you always have easy, unspoken, comfortable. except it’s not the same anymore. somewhere between shared glances, lingering touches, and a moment that comes far too close to becoming something real, the line between friendship and something else starts to blur. neither of you say it. neither of you cross it.but it’s there — quiet, undeniable.you both feel it. and whether you meant to or not, whatever this is… it’s already started becoming something more.
The best thing about the annual Sidemen party was that, for one night, nobody had to be a content creator. There were no cameras to smile at, no intros to film, no thumbnails to think about. Just music, friends, overpriced drinks and the rare chance to exist without worrying whether someone was recording.
Your wardrobe had been open for the better part of twenty minutes. Two dresses already lay abandoned across your bed. "No." You held the first one against yourself in the mirror, tilting your head from side to side. "No." It joined the other on the floor. A third dress remained hanging on the outside of your wardrobe.
Faith 😘 : 😭 FaceTime. now.
You laughed quietly through your nose before tapping accept. Faith answered before the phone had even finished ringing.
Faith blinked at the screen "you haven't even done your hair."
"i've been trying to pick a dress."
"and you're still not ready."
You couldn't stop smiling. Another face squeezed into the frame beside her.
She took one look at your room before laughing "...has she actually picked one?"
Faith answered for you "no."
Faith looked around the room "...to?"
Without saying a word, you flipped the camera around. Silence. Three black dresses.
Freya laughed first. "so...black."
Faith looked unconvinced "they're literally not."
"they have completely different vibes."
You pointed at the first "too much." The second "too plain." Finally, you pointed towards the dress still hanging neatly on the wardrobe door "...that one."
Faith's expression immediately changed.
Freya nodded "i was hoping you'd pick that."
You walked over, gently lifting it from the hanger. Black satin, soft against your fingertips, a fitted silhouette, thin straps, delicate lace framing the sweetheart neckline before disappearing over your shoulders and dipping into an open back.
Simple. Elegant. Exactly enough.
"i knew there was a reason i kept you two around."
The dress slipped on effortlessly. You turned slowly in front of the mirror, smoothing your hands over the satin where it hugged your waist. Not bad.
You tucked a loose curl behind your ear before settling down in front of your vanity. Your makeup bag already lay open.
You worked in comfortable silence while faith narrated her own evening somewhere through your phone speakers "...and ethan's already said he's not drinking."
You raised an eyebrow, blending concealer beneath one eye "so he'll be hammered in an hour?"
Freya laughed "it happens every year."
You reached for your highlighter, catching the light across your cheekbones before sitting back to admire your work. Your eyes drifted to the row of lipsticks beside you, eventually settling on your favourite. A deep cherry shade, somewhere between red and burgundy. You traced it carefully across your lips, blotted it once against a tissue, then smiled softly at your reflection.
Your phone vibrated against the vanity. The screen lit up.
You glanced down at the notification, a smile tugging at the corner of your mouth before you could stop it.
Faith caught it immediately "...who's got you smiling like that?"
Your head snapped back up "no one."
Freya smiled knowingly "that wasn't a 'no one' smile."
You rolled your eyes "it was."
With an exaggerated sigh, you reached back over and unlocked it.
You let out a quiet laugh, your thumbs already moving across the keyboard.
another bubble appeared before the first one had even disappeared.
y/n: since when are you this punctual?
You waited. Five seconds. Ten.
y/n: should I be worried?
You smiled to yourself, slipping your phone onto the vanity. Faith caught it immediately "there it is."
"the one you get when someone texts you."
You rolled your eyes "i don't have a smile."
"you do," freya laughed "it's subtle... but it's there."
"i'm literally just replying to a message."
"mhm," faith hummed knowingly "who is it?"
Faith's eyebrows shot up "harry?"
You nodded, reaching for your earrings "he told me not to be late."
"...that's oddly responsible of him."
Freya smiled to herself "maybe he just doesn't want to wait for you."
You clipped the second earring into place before looking back at the screen "he waited once."
Faith laughed "and he's never let you forget it."
Almost as if he'd heard his name, your phone buzzed again. You glanced down.
you read it. didn’t reply , faith glanced at you anyway "…left him on read?"
"i'll see him in twenty minutes."
Faith glanced at the time in the corner of her screen "you should probably get going."
"text us when you get there."
"And if ethan somehow talks you into tequila—"
Freya laughed "have fun."
You smiled, lifting a hand in a small wave "see you inside."
The call ended, leaving your bedroom noticeably quieter. For a moment, you simply stood there. The silence felt strange after twenty minutes of Faith talking almost non-stop. You took one last look in the mirror. A quick smooth of your dress. A loose curl tucked behind your ear. Lipstick still in place.
Grabbing your clutch from the bed, you flicked off the bedroom light before heading downstairs.
The evening air was still warm when you stepped outside. The front door clicked shut behind you as you locked it, your heels echoing softly against the driveway. Your car sat waiting beneath the glow of the streetlamp. You slid into the driver's seat, setting your clutch carefully on the passenger side before starting the engine.
Music filled the car almost immediately. Low enough to think. Loud enough to stop yourself from overthinking.
It was silly, really. You'd been to enough Sidemen parties to know exactly what to expect. Laughter, far too many drinks, someone promising they were "only staying for an hour."
It was familiar. Comfortable. And yet...your thoughts drifted back to the farm.
something shifted at the corner of your mouth before you caught yourself. You shook your head, pulling out onto the road.
Harry had always been harry..you focused back on the road.
Didn’t finish that thought.
The venue came into view just as the sun finally disappeared beneath the horizon. A sprawling country manor stood behind wrought iron gates, its gardens glowing beneath hundreds of warm fairy lights. Luxury cars already lined the driveway, valets weaving between them as more guests arrived by the minute. Music drifted through the open entrance, softened by the distance but loud enough to know the party had already started. You slowed the car to a stop, handing your keys to one of the valets with a quiet thank you before smoothing an invisible crease from your dress.
Taking a slow breath, you looked up at the manor. From somewhere inside came a burst of laughter.
The bass was the first thing you noticed. It pulsed through the walls of the manor before you even reached the front doors, mixing with bursts of laughter that spilled out every time someone stepped inside.
If they were throwing a party, they were throwing a party.
The second you stepped inside, familiar voices bounced off the high ceilings.
"i've literally got proof."
"it proves everything mate."
You laughed quietly to yourself. The grand entrance hall had already filled with people. Creators you hadn't seen in months. Footballers chatting near the staircase.
Music drifted in from the ballroom while waiters weaved effortlessly between groups carrying trays of champagne.
Before you'd even had a chance to properly look around-
She spotted you almost instantly, abandoning whatever conversation she'd been having before hurrying across the room.
"oh my god." She pulled you into a hug. "you actually look unreal."
You laughed, hugging her back. "so do you."
Freya reached you next, smiling as she wrapped an arm around you. "you look gorgeous."
Talia looked you up and down before taking a sip from the drink in her hand. "...right."
"because now everyone else looks underdressed."
You huffed a laugh. "you are so dramatic."
Faith pointed towards you. "she is."
Another voice cut in. "i'll back her."
You turned. Arthur. Hands tucked into the pockets of his suit trousers, tie already slightly crooked despite the party only just starting.
He opened his arms. "come here."
You smiled, stepping into the hug "you clean up alright."
"i was going to say the same thing."
you laughed. Chris appeared beside him, a drink already in one hand "you lot done complimenting each other?"
People talked over each other.
Someone argued about something pointless.
Danny had already found the desserts. Chris was keeping count.
Conversations overlapping. Someone telling a story. Someone else interrupting halfway through. A photographer wandered over asking for a quick picture. Everyone squeezed together instinctively. Chris immediately crouched at the front. Arthur complained George was too tall. Faith insisted everyone smile properly. Danny blinked at exactly the wrong moment. Perfect.
The flash went off. Then another. Then one more. You were still laughing at the last photo when you felt it.
That strange feeling of being watched. Not uncomfortable.
Your eyes wandered across the room almost instinctively. Past the bar, past the staircase, past groups of people deep in conversation.
He was standing with simon, josh and vik near the drinks table, a half-finished glass balanced loosely in one hand. Simon was in the middle of telling some story, josh laughed at something he'd said, vik adding something you couldn't quite make out over the music.
Harry wasn't listening. He was already looking at you.
You watched him blink once, almost as though he'd forgotten where he was. His gaze flickered over you for the briefest moment before meeting your eyes again.
Then, as if realising he'd been caught, he looked away first.
"..oi" faith nudged your arm lightly with her elbow.
You blinked, pulling your eyes away from across the room. "hm?"
"you've been here thirty seconds."
"and you've already found him."
Faith took a sip of her drink, trying not to smile "give it five minutes."
You raised an eyebrow "what happens in five minutes?"
"he'll somehow end up next to you."
You let out a short laugh "he won't."
Freya smiled over the rim of her glass "he usually does."
"you two are making things up."
Faith shrugged "we're just observing."
you tipped your head back slightly.
The conversation drifted elsewhere. Someone called Faith's name from across the room. Freya excused herself to say hello to someone you'd both recognised from another side of the venue, leaving you leaning against one of the cocktail tables, lazily stirring the ice around your drink.
The room had filled even more in the last few minutes. Music thumped through the speakers. Laughter echoed from somewhere near the terrace.
Across the room, ethan was already arguing with simon over something neither of them seemed particularly invested in. Typical.
You smiled to yourself before lifting your glass.
"...there you are." You turned.
One hand tucked into the pocket of his trousers. The other wrapped loosely around a glass. He'd somehow ended up beside you exactly like Faith had predicted. You looked past him towards the girls. Faith didn't even try to hide the grin on her face. She simply lifted her drink in your direction.
Harry frowned slightly "what?"
"nothing." you looked back at him. "absolutely nothing."
He looked unconvinced "...right."
conversation paused, easily. Not awkward. Just... normal.
Harry glanced towards your drink "first one?"
You tilted your head at him. "you're not exactly helping."
the moment stretched between you. Harry rolled his glass absent-mindedly between his palms, his gaze drifting away for a moment as someone squeezed past behind you.
When he looked back...he actually looked.
His eyes lingered just a fraction longer than they usually did. The delicate lace tracing your neckline. The satin catching the warm glow from the chandeliers. The cherry lipstick you'd been absent-mindedly worrying between your lips.
Slow. not obvious. but not subtle either. he looked away. too late.
You glanced at him. "that sounded painful."
Neither of you moved. Someone brushed past behind Harry, forcing him half a step closer. His shoulder bumped yours lightly. You caught the faint scent of his cologne.
It was familiar enough that you recognised it before you'd even properly thought about it. A smile tugged at your lips "You still wear that."
He glanced down at himself as if checking "...Yeah."
"I thought they'd stopped making it."
"My mum found another bottle."
You nodded once. "figured."
The conversation around you picked up again as more people drifted over. Simon was already in the middle of another story, ethan interrupted him twice before he'd even finished the first sentence, and tobi was trying unsuccessfully to keep the conversation on track.
You listened for a while, laughing here and there, occasionally adding to the conversation when someone pulled you into it.
Harry stayed beside you. Not saying much. Just... there.
You caught him glancing your way every now and then, only for him to look somewhere else the second you noticed.
your lips curved slightly.
After a while, Harry finished the last of his drink, setting the empty glass onto a passing waiter's tray.
He looked over at you "...come on."
He tilted his head towards the terrace doors "smoke?"
you tried not to smile "...thought you'd never ask."
You placed your glass beside his, excusing yourself from the conversation with a quick, "be back."
Faith barely looked up from whatever ethan had just said "mhm."
Harry was already holding the door open by the time you caught up with him. The music dulled the second it swung shut behind you.
The terrace was quieter. The bass still pulsed faintly through the walls, but out here it was replaced by the rustling of trees and the distant hum of conversations drifting up from the gardens below. A cool breeze caught the loose curls framing your face.
You reached into your clutch, pulling out your packet of cigarettes.
Harry was already doing the same. You slipped one between your lips before offering him the packet. He took one with a quiet nod. Neither of you said anything. You watched him pat his pockets for a second before producing a silver lighter.
The tiny flame flickered to life between you. Without thinking, you leaned in first.
One hand cupped around the flame to shield it from the breeze as Harry held it steady, his eyes fixed on the lighter until the end of your cigarette glowed orange.
For a second... You were close enough to feel the warmth radiating from him.
Close enough to catch the familiar scent of his cologne beneath the cigarette smoke.
You drew in a breath before leaning back "thanks."
He lit his own cigarette from the same flame, snapping the lighter shut with a quiet click before slipping it back into his pocket "no worries, love"
It wasn't new. Harry had called you love for years. Usually, you barely registered it. Tonight, though... It lingered.
You took another drag before pulling the cigarette away from your lips. Without thinking you reached across plucking the lighter straight from Harry's hand.
He looked down at his now empty fingers. "...Oi."
You looked at it "...no."
he laughed under his breath "give it here."
You held it tighter in your hands "no."
Harry looked at you for a second, the corner of his mouth lifting, he was still holding his hand out.
You looked at it. Then back at him.
Harry blinked. For the first time all evening... He seemed genuinely caught off guard.
A slow grin spread across his face "...careful."
"oh?" A smile spread across your face.
"you've suddenly got very confident."
You folded your arms, unable to hide your smile. You'd always been a lightweight. One drink in, and your confidence had a habit of arriving before your common sense.
He took one slow step forward. Not enough to crowd you. Just enough that the space between you suddenly felt... smaller. You didn't move. Neither did he.
His hand hovered for a moment "you know..."
His eyes flicked briefly to you "...i could just take it."
Another step. Now close enough that you could see the faint flecks of blue in his eyes beneath the terrace lights. Your pulse fluttered unexpectedly.
"and i'd still get my lighter back."
A laugh escaped you. "you sound very sure of yourself."
"i'm feeling optimistic."
Your mouth softened. Maybe it was the champagne. Maybe it was him. "that's unlike you."
"don't get used to it." He reached towards your hand
Your first instinct should've been to pull it away. You didn't.
His fingers brushed yours for the briefest moment as he tried to tug the lighter. Heat rushed up your arm before you could convince yourself it hadn't.
Yet neither of you pulled away immediately. Neither of you seemed in any hurry to.
Your smile faltered just enough for him to notice. Harry's hand stilled. You hadn’t breathed in a while.
His eyes lifted from your hands to your eyes. Suddenly, looking away felt impossible.
The teasing disappeared. So did your ability to think of something clever to say.
For a moment, neither of you cared about the lighter anymore. The music from inside faded into the background. The terrace suddenly felt impossibly quiet.
You were close enough to feel the warmth of his breath when he exhaled. Your pulse didn’t help.
He didn’t move he just watched you. Like he was waiting for you to decide something first.
Instinctively, you leaned in the slightest fraction. You didn't even realise you'd moved until you were already closer.
The distance between you grew smaller.
Neither of you seemed to realise you were moving until there was barely any space left at all. His gaze dropped for the briefest second before finding your eyes again.
The way he said your name settled somewhere deep in your chest. Your breath caught.
Before either of you could close the final inch—the terrace door swung open "there you two are!" ethan's voice cut through the silence.
Both of you stepped back almost instinctively. You immediately missed the warmth you'd just stepped away from.
Harry cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. You looked down, pretending to be far more interested in your cigarette than you suddenly were.
Ethan glanced between the two of you "...everything alright?"
Harry answered first "yeah."
You nodded a second later "...yeah."
Ethan frowned for a moment before shrugging "come on. We're doing another photo before half the room disappears."
He turned back towards the party, leaving the terrace door propped open. You and Harry exchanged one last look. Neither of you mentioned what had almost happened. Neither of you needed to.
"...Oi!" Simon's voice carried across the room. "before everyone disappears." He clapped his hands once, catching the attention of whoever was nearby. "group photo."
A collective chorus of groans answered him.
"we literally just did one."
"this'll take two minutes."
"it never takes two minutes."
The photographer was already waving everyone over towards the staircase. "come on! Partners at the front, everyone else wherever."
People shuffled around with the usual chaos.
Faith disappeared beside Ethan.
Josh wandered over to Freya.
Talia stood beside Simon.
You were halfway through deciding where to stand when someone lightly touched the small of your back.
Just enough to get your attention.
He nodded towards the growing group. "...come on."
Your throat tightened “okay.”
Neither of you mentioned the terrace.
Neither of you looked at each other for more than a second.
You simply fell into step beside him.
The photographer frowned immediately. "No, no."
He pointed towards the middle. "you two."
Silently asking the exact same question.
The photographer lowered his camera. "i've got all night."
Laughter rippled through the group.
"oh, just stand next to each other," ethan called.
"they're literally touching," Simon added.
"not enough," the photographer replied.
Harry let out a quiet sigh through his nose before taking half a step closer.
Yet your pulse immediately betrayed you.
"there." The photographer nodded. "perfect."
He lifted the camera again. "and you.." he pointed directly at harry. "hand around her waist."
Harry blinked. "...what?"
"It'll look less awkward."
A chorus of laughter erupted behind you.
"oh my god," you muttered under your breath.
Harry looked at you instead of the photographer.
Almost asking permission.
You gave the smallest nod.
His hand settled lightly against your waist.
Just... resting there. Warm. Steady.
Your breath caught almost imperceptibly.
The satin of your dress did absolutely nothing to hide the warmth of his hand beneath it.
You hoped nobody noticed.
The photographer smiled. "there we go."
Harry's thumb shifted ever so slightly as everyone laughed at something ethan had said.
You weren't sure whether he'd even realised he'd done it.
Unfortunately... You had.
"perfect!" The photographer lowered the camera."got it."
Harry's hand dropped away almost immediately.
The room didn’t settle after the photo. It got louder.
You stayed where you were.
Your fingers curled slightly at your side before you noticed. You flexed them out again.
It shouldn’t have mattered but it did.
That brief shift of his thumb hadn’t left..not really. It lingered, like your skin hadn’t quite caught up yet.
You reached for your drink and you took a sip.
The room felt warmer now. Or maybe it was just you.
You passed through the edge of the crowd. Past the bar, past conversations that blurred into nothing the further you moved from them. The music followed, stubborn at first, then softer, then something you could only feel through the floor rather than hear.
The hallway met you with a different kind of quiet. Not silence ,just enough space for your thoughts to catch up with you.
You stopped halfway down, the cool air settling against your skin in a way that should’ve helped.
Your heart was still beating too fast. Not from movement. Not from anything you could explain without thinking about it too closely.
The way it had rested there like it belonged.
The way it hadn’t moved immediately.
The way you hadn’t wanted it to.
You exhaled, slow, deliberate, like that might steady something.
“…you alright?” You heard him before you turned.
Your eyes closed for a second, longer than necessary, before you looked over your shoulder.
“yeah… i’m good.” you hesitated before answering him
He was already there, leaned back against the wall like he hadn’t followed you out, like he’d just happened to exist in the same space at the same time. One hand tucked into his pocket. The other hanging loose, fingers brushing lightly against the fabric of his trousers.
You turned back, folding your arms, more to give your hands somewhere to go than anything else.
A quiet breath left him, almost a laugh, but not quite “something like that.”
the moment lingered longer than it should have
You shifted your weight, the fabric of your dress moving softly against your skin. You felt it. The small movement.
Your mouth tilted slightly despite yourself. “you’ve been doing that all night.”
You turned your head properly this time, meeting his eyes without looking away immediately “that.”
something in the air held, refusing to move on ““you keep ending up where i am.”
It should’ve dissolved there. Into a joke. Into something easy. It didn’t.
Your breath hitched before you could stop it.
You looked away, down the length of the corridor, focusing on nothing in particular because it was easier than holding his eyes after that.
The air held still, like it was waiting. Just a slow tightening, like the air had changed its mind about giving you space.
You didn’t realise you’d moved until the distance between you felt different. Smaller. Close enough that you could feel the warmth of him without actually touching.
Or maybe he’d stepped forward first.
Your pulse was louder now. You could feel it in your throat, in your wrists, in the way your fingers pressed lightly into your arms just to ground yourself.
his gaze lowered, only for a second but not in a way that could be dismissed, just enough to leave a trace of it behind. When it lifted again, it settled on you properly. You felt it before your mind caught up, that precise moment where something stops being hypothetical.
Your lips parted slightly, not intentional, just a reaction you didn’t catch in time. You drew in a breath. It didn’t steady anything.
He leaned in, slow enough to feel deliberate. Just enough that the space between you thinned into something fragile.
Your body reacted before your mind could catch up. Every instinct pulling you forward, every thought trying to hold you still.
Your hand tightened against your arm nails pressing just enough to remind you where you were.
you stepped back just enough to break it.
not because you didn’t want to but because you did.
The space returned. The air moved again.
You let out a breath that felt like it had been sitting in your chest for far too long “…this is a bad idea.”
He exhaled through his nose, slow and controlled. His jaw tightened slightly not with frustration but with restraint.
You let out a breath that had been sitting in your chest too long.
“…this doesn’t end well.”
Your voice came out quieter than you expected.
He didn’t argue. Didn’t laugh it off. Didn’t pretend you were wrong.
He looked at you like he was trying to read something you hadn’t said
Then he leaned back against the wall again, shoulders settling, expression smoothing over just enough to pass for normal if anyone had walked in.
You looked away first. The distant pulse of the music found its way back in, creeping up the walls, filling the space you’d just broken. “…we should go back.”
neither of you moved straight away.
You could feel it in your breathing, still uneven. In the way your thoughts kept circling back, not to the hallway, but to how close it had come. And in the way he didn’t move either.
Like neither of you quite trusted what would happen if he did.
you stepped forward first.
and a second later..he stepped behind you. You could feel the way his eyes lingered on your back.
The noise swallowed you the second you stepped back into the room. Conversations picked up around you like nothing had paused. Like nothing had almost happened in a quiet hallway no one else had noticed.
You picked up your drink from where you’d left it. Your fingers curled around the glass more carefully this time. Still not entirely steady.
Across the room, someone called your name.
You answered. On time. You didn’t look at him. You didn’t have to. You could feel it anyway.
Whatever that was - It wasn’t something you could pretend not to notice anymore.
Everything moved exactly the way it always did.
Because something had shifted quietly, without permission.
Not enough to name. Not enough to explain. But enough that it wouldn’t go back to what it was before. And whether either of you meant for it to or not it had already started becoming something else.
