linnie misses twd

hello i need some friends, im out of work so if you're:

living in ireland in the kildare or dublin area

19+

also in need of a best friend

i'm very hard to love, that's why i feel like everyone hates me. i cant handle affection, maybe because the previous men in my life never really loved me. my dad never hugged me, i don't think he was ever really proud of me.

its hard because sometimes i wish someone would love me. everyday i see such happy couples online...im jealous i wont lie...i want that somedays. whats wrong with me? am i broken?

i hate it all so much. my life is really starting to fall apart. all those big dreams i had are gone. no car, no job, no money and now my confidence is ruined. i just want to cry and let it all out.

I want to be skinny....i don't know why i got the body i have. i feel like i've been cursed with the ugliest body ever. why were my sisters born so much prettier than me. the only thing i got was nice, thick hair.

i hate my stomach, my arms, my boobs, my nose, my eyes, my lips and my ears. i wish i was perfect but that'll never happen. i turn to food for comfort, because no one else will comfort me. i hate myself, i hate everything about me.

i don't think i'm a good person, i try to be. ive been through a lot with being sa, losing my dad and his twin/my uncle within 1 year, my family falling apart over it...i don't know...

sometimes i just need a break, like a day to cry. i want to get every little bit of anger and sadness that's in me. life is hard, being an adult is even harder. i remember when i was 12, i wanted to grow up and be an adult...now i wish i was 12 again.

i wish i had lived in the moment instead of living in the future. after quitting the job that destroyed me, i was relieved, but my anxiety went up when i realized that i have no money now. i can no longer support my mother. i feel horrible now.

i feel like this blog will be really good for me to write down how i feel about shit. like i’m in both a good and bad place right now. i’m happy because i got out of a job that was ruining me but i’m also sad because i miss the money i got, i miss having something to do instead of eating my self into a bellyache and trying to save the last bit of money i have left.

but then i have all that drama with my family…i’m telling you having 11 siblings is NOT fun…and i’m the youngest. i moved out of my family home at 19, not long after my dad was diagnosed with cancer of the liver and kidney, then he died within 1 month. i’m very traumatised..

i’m quitting my job on monday, I’m super nervous but also excited. i don’t know what the future holds for me, that’s what terrifies me. i’ve already started the process of driving, i have my learners permit test booked but i don’t know if i’ll get a car.

also to clarify, i’m leaving my job because i don’t receive an ounce of respect from management. having my supervisor talk about me behind my back was extremely hurtful. i’ve been picked on, bullied and spoke down to like an idiot. so i’m taking a stand.

i hate that people push others to stay in jobs that are very toxic. it does nothing for a person but destroy them mentally and physically.