dysphoria

ATTENTION: I need attention

I feel like something people don’t acknowledge enough is how much chronic fatigue hurts. Like feeling so tired that you wish you’d just collapse already, just so you can rest. Praying you’ll collapse. So tired that you want to cry, because you feel desperate to feel anything else. So tired it feels like your bones are scraping against each other and every step you take is agony. Every moment you’re awake is torture, absolute torture. You’d give anything to not feel this, anything, anything. It’s not just tiredness, it’s not sleepiness, it’s excruciatingly painful. And it’s so, so hard to live with.

sometimes I’m hardcore and numb and can deal with being in pain for the rest of my life and other times I cry at just a slight thought in that direction and I wish I could be strong all of the time for everyone around me but sometimes I’m just REALLY really overwhelmed by the moment I’m experiencing and that is compounded a million times over by the fact that this is the rest of my life 

wow being alive is… uncomfortable

i’m the sexiest bitch in this therapy waiting room

I make jokes about my medical issues because it’s easier than facing the fact that I’ll be living in severe pain the rest of my life.