#1

The first time John Logan almost said ‘I Love You’, he was half-asleep. It was late October, freezing outside, and y/n was buried against his side on the battered couch in the hockey house while some terrible horror movie played in the background. Logan wasn’t watching it though, mostly because y/n kept laughing at the wrong moments. 

“You’re actually evil,” he mumbled as she giggled through a decapitation scene.

She tilted her head up. “This is just so unrealistic. Besides, You screamed ten minutes ago. ”

“I did not scream.”

“You absolutely screamed.”

“I made a small noise.”

“A small—” she broke off laughing again.

God.

That laugh.

Logan looked down at her curled against him in his sweatshirt, warm and sleepy and comfortable like she belonged there.

Like she belonged with him.

The words rose so fast in his chest it nearly scared him.

I love—

Then Garrett burst through the front door yelling about losing fifty bucks to Dean in a poker game, and the moment shattered instantly.

Y/N startled awake. Logan leaned back hard against the couch cushions, heart pounding for no reason he wanted to examine.

“You good?” she asked softly.

“Yeah,” he lied.

Because he wasn’t.

Not even close.

#2

The second time was during winter break. Logan hated going home, y/n realized that approximately six hours after arriving. The house was freezing. His dad was drunk before sunset. His younger brother barely spoke at dinner.

And Logan—

Logan smiled through all of it like he was trying to hold the entire house together with sheer force. 

That night, she found him sitting outside on the front steps in a hoodie despite the snow. “You’re gonna freeze to death.”

He shrugged without looking at her. “Maybe.”

She sat beside him anyway, for a while neither of them spoke.

Then quietly, she said, “You don’t have to pretend around me.”

That nearly broke him. Everyone else let him play the clown, the flirt, the easygoing guy.

Y/N looked at him like she saw every ugly, exhausted part underneath it and stayed anyway.

Logan swallowed hard. “You should go back inside.”

“No.”

“You’re stubborn.”

“You’re deflecting.”

A laugh escaped him unexpectedly.

Then she reached over and threaded her cold fingers through his.

Simple and casual, but Logan felt it everywhere. He turned toward her before he could stop himself. Her face was close enough to kiss. Close enough to confess things he didn’t know how to survive saying out loud.

I think I’m in love with you.

Instead he squeezed her hand once and whispered, “Thanks for coming with me.”

Her smile was soft enough to ruin him permanently.

#3

The third time almost happened after a game.

Briar had won in overtime and the entire arena exploded.

Logan scored the winning goal.

Normally that would’ve been the best part of his night, until he spotted Y/N in the crowd and suddenly nothing else mattered. He found her outside the locker room afterward, still wearing his jersey.

His jersey.

Which did something deeply embarrassing to his heart.

“You were incredible,” she said the second she saw him.

Logan grinned, adrenaline still buzzing through him. “You see that goal?”

“I literally screamed.”

“You screamed for me?”

“Don’t make it weird.”

“Too late.”

She rolled her eyes, smiling.

And without thinking, Logan grabbed her around the waist and spun her once down the hallway. She laughed loudly, arms around his shoulders for balance, the sound hit him harder than the roar of the crowd had. He stopped spinning but neither of them stepped back. His forehead brushed hers accidentally or maybe not accidentally.

Everything slowed.

The noise.

The people.

The post-game chaos.

Just her.

Her hands on him.

Her smile fading into something softer.

More vulnerable.

Logan looked into her eyes and thought with terrifying certainty:

There it is.

This was it.

This was love.

Not hookups.

Not attraction.

Not temporary.

Her.

Only her.

“I think I—”

“LOGAN!”

Dean slammed into the hallway at full volume with three teammates behind him.

The moment vanished immediately.

Logan nearly killed him on sight.

Dean blinked between them slowly. “...Did I interrupt a sex thing?”

“Yes,” Logan snapped.

Y/N burst out laughing.

And Logan loved her too much to even be annoyed anymore.

#4

The fourth time happened when they fought.

A real fight.

Not teasing.

Not playful arguing.

The ugly kind.

“You can’t just shut people out every time things get hard!” Y/N yelled.

Logan stared at the floor of her apartment kitchen, jaw tight. “I didn’t ask you to fix it.”

“That’s not what I’m trying to do!”

“Then what are you trying to do?”

“I’m trying to care about you!”

The words hung between them sharp and raw.

Logan looked wrecked.

Which only made her angrier.

Because he always did this; acted like he had to carry everything alone until he practically collapsed under it.

“I don’t know how to help someone who refuses to let me in,” she whispered.

That hit harder. Logan dragged a hand through his hair, pacing once through the tiny kitchen.

Then finally, “I let you in more than anyone.”

“You still hide when you’re hurting.”

“Because if I start talking about it, I don’t know if I’ll stop.” His voice cracked slightly on the last word.

Y/N’s anger disappeared instantly.

Logan looked terrified.

Not of her.

But of himself, of needing too much, of loving too much.

He stepped closer slowly.

“I just…” His eyes met hers. “You matter so much to me that sometimes it freaks me out.”

Her breath caught.

He almost said it then.

She knew he almost did.

But once again, fear won.

Instead Logan pressed his forehead against hers and whispered, “I’m trying.”

And because she loved him too, she let that be enough for now.

#5

The fifth time almost happened the night before graduation.

Everyone was drunk except Y/N and Logan.

Dean was dancing terribly on a table.

Garrett was filming it for blackmail purposes.

Music shook the walls of the hockey house one last time.

And Logan suddenly hated all of it.

Not because he wasn’t happy. Because he was. He was too happy. The kind of happy that felt fragile, Temporary, Tomorrow everything changed.

Different cities.

Different careers.

Real life.

The thought made something ache violently in his chest.

Y/N found him outside on the back porch staring at the stars, “There you are.”

Logan smiled tiredly. “Needed air.”

She moved beside him, shoulder bumping his. “You okay?”

“Yeah.”

Lie.

She always knew.

“You’re scared,” she said softly.

He laughed once under his breath. “That obvious?”

“To me? Yeah.”

For a second he just looked at her. Really looked. At the girl who had become home so gradually he never even noticed it happening. Suddenly he couldn’t imagine a future that didn’t have her in it. That was something that terrified him more than hockey ever had.

“Y/N,” he started quietly.

Her eyes lifted to his.

The words sat right there.

Right there.

I love you.

But what if saying it changed things? What if it made the future real? What if she didn’t say it back?

So instead, like a coward, Logan kissed her. Slow, careful, like he was trying to say everything without words.

She melted into him instantly and somehow that made it worse.

Because kissing her felt too much like coming home.

+1

The one time Logan finally said it wasn’t dramatic.

There was no crowd, no grand gesture, no perfect movie moment. 

It happened three months later after his first preseason NHL game.

He’d played terribly, missed calls from coaches piled up on his phone. Media criticism was already starting. By the time he got back to his apartment, he felt wrung out completely.

And there was Y/N sitting cross-legged on his kitchen counter eating cereal at midnight like she lived there. She looked up immediately. “Hey.”

And just like that—

Everything inside him unclenched.

Logan stood frozen in the doorway.

Tie loosened.

Exhaustion sitting heavy on his shoulders.

Y/N frowned slightly. “Bad game?”

“Pretty bad.”

She held out the cereal box toward him silently.

Logan laughed weakly.

Then crossed the apartment in three steps and pulled her into him so hard she squeaked.

“Logan—”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For taking this long.”

She pulled back just enough to look at him properly. “Taking what long?”

His hands tightened at her waist.

And suddenly he wasn’t scared anymore.

Because losing her would always be worse than saying it.

“I love you,” he said.

Y/N went perfectly still and Logan’s heart nearly stopped.

Then her entire face softened in the most beautiful way he’d ever seen.

“Oh,” she whispered.

Panic immediately kicked in. “Okay, wow, that sounded terrifying out loud, you don’t have to say it back right now, I just—”

She kissed him hard enough to shut him up.

When she finally pulled away, she smiled against his mouth.

“I love you too, hockey boy.”

And for the first time in his life, John Logan stopped feeling afraid of the future.

there's a long pause that follows as soon as you state your offer, heeseung blinking at you. however, loud rejection falls from his mouth in a matter of seconds and he frantically scrambles for a reason. any reason.

"aww c'mon heeseung!" you groan, "you never go out with anyone, and one of my friends thinks you're really cute,"

"what about you?" he asks.

"what?"

"i said," he mumbles, "what about you?"

you tilt your head at him, confusion obvious on your face. heeseung flushes red, burying his head into his arms.

"dammit yn, i'm asking you what you think of me,"

JAY (제이)

has to take a breather

resentment, anger, shame (towards you for being dense)

"what are you playing at yn?"

"nothing!" you exclaim, "someone i know think's you're cute, and you're single so i'm just being the messenger here,"

"that's not what i mean," jay groans, "are you really serious or are you just playing with me?"

"playing with you?" you echo, frowning, "you're confusing me jay," you're only met with a laugh from him, and you watch as he runs his hands through his hair and his jaw tightens.

without warning, he grabs your hand placing it onto his chest.

"do you feel this?" he asks, "don't play with my heart yn, especially when only you can make it do this,"

JAKE (제이크)

in a daze, and ends up agreeing

ends up sputtering about you the whole entire time

you burst through the door to the cafe, easily finding jake, who's left alone at a table.

"jake!" you exclaim, running towards him, "what happened? ahra suddenly called me, saying she left, and that the date was horrible, and that you were horrible, but i was like how would jake be like-"

jake grabs your arm, cutting you off.

". . .she got sick of me talking,"

"she what?" you ask.

"she got sick of me talking about you the whole time," jake mutters sheepishly. he looks up at you, his flushed cheeks and eyes wide.

"i'll apologize to her later," jake starts.

"but it's you that i want to go on a date with,"

SUNGHOON (성훈)

gets angry that you're so dense

rejects right away

"what?" sunghoon asks, a scalding looking on his face.

"hey what's your problem?" you groan, " i'm just trying to help you out man,"

"man?" he grimaces, "seriously yn?"

"what?" you ask.

"be honest, do you even see me as one?"

"as a man?" you repeat.

sunghoon huffs, stepping closer to you, his eyes intense. you can feel the heat radiating from his body and he's practically on you.

"because i know for sure i see you as a woman,"

SUNOO (선우)

sick and tired of you

this is his final straw, ends up confessing

"i said no already, why do you keep pushing?" sunoo asks, annoyance clear.

"you never do stuff like this sunoo, this is an opportunity!" you exclaim, grabbing his hands, "for me?? please? plus haewon is super nice, you'll totally get along with her"

sunoo scoffs, pulling you in closer to him.

"well i don't want any opportunities unless it's one with you yn, i like you, not anyone else,"

JUNGWON (정원)

confused as hell

goes quiet because he quite literally is crashing out on the inside

ends up confessing

"jungwon?" you call, "are you listening?"

"huh? sorry what'd you say again?" you sigh, eyeing the boy in front of you. he wasn't one to zone out, and ever since you mentioned the possible date he'd gone silent.

"do you not want to go?" you ask, "it's fine i'll tell her you can't. you want to focus on school anyways right? it's always better to-"

jungwon slams his drink onto the table, coughing.

"i'd much rather focus on us," he says.

"us?" you tilt your head, "what about us?"

"god yn," jungwon laughs, "i like you got it?"

NI-KI (니키)

"yeah no" + nasty side eye

also ends up confessing to you

"yeah absolutely not,"

"oh come on," you groan, "what is your deal? sunoo told me that you complain about this stuff,"

riki furrows his brows at this, but he quickly realizes what sunoo's trying to do.

"oh my god," riki mutters. he glances at you, your eyes wide and innocent. "you're really really really stupid,"

"seriously what is your problem dude?" you grumble.

"my problem is that you can't seem to see that what i want isn't some other girl, but you,"

he was the main character of your daydreams, racing heartbeats, and physical ache. you knew it was stupid to be caught in his grasp, like the rest of the school was. you knew you weren’t special in the way you’d look at him longingly—so desperate for any kind of appraisal from the athlete. 

however, unlike the rest of the female (and male) population, you were contemptuous with your delusion over him. even if it was an unrequited love, you were closer with yourself—and schooling—in its result. your parents definitely weren’t complaining with your top-student status and class president tasks.

it seemed like a win-win, but still, you sometimes caught yourself wishing for more in the loneliness of the night; when your mind was the best at focusing on things it shouldn’t. you’d imagine things you’d rather keep in the depths of your archives. secrets you were prepared to take to the grave: everyone loved sunwoo, but no one knew you did as well.

the prejudice was that you were too caught up in said studies to even look up, especially not in his direction. you had only a couple of friends, ones you truly trusted with your life, and even they had no clue about your feelings for the soccer player.

you watched his celebration, a fist pumped into the air and a bright smile that caused a blush to litter your cheeks. In moments like these, you were glad he really had no idea you existed when you weren't standing right in front of him. he high-fived the team members, walking over to the sidelines and throwing a small towel over his shoulder. 

it was honestly a little pathetic the way you couldn't peel your eyes from the way his muscles strained against the spandex of the shirt, or the way the sweat would roll down his perfectly sun-kissed skin. the softness of the genuine smile that pressed against his mouth and up into his eyes, the ones that flirted so effortlessly with his slow and cool mannerisms. 

genuinely, when he looked so good, it made it hard for you to not drift off into another fantasy where he’d walk up to you and sweep you off your feet like a prince in a fairytale—and, he always looked this good. 

you huffed out a breath, one you weren’t even sure if you were holding or not, and crossed your legs over one-another. you narrowed your eyes (in some weird attempt to zoom in), swearing you could see the man of your dreams—and reality—walking in your direction. 

He flashed a devilish smile, you weren’t convinced was meant for you, breaking from the teammates he’d been walking with. his eyes met yours, and for a moment you thought you were asleep—or dead. 

frankly, you think this scenario would suit a chuckle from the athlete who watched your eyes go wide as he further approached.

he took a long drink from the bottle in his hand, holding said eye contact as he lightly swallowed. you mimicked him with a dry throat, admiring how his adamsapple bobbed with each gulp. 

he straddled the bench, setting his things between his open thighs. “y/n?” he asked as he raked a hand through his sweaty hair. you couldn’t look away, like a must-watch thriller that you’d spent your hard earned money on. you could feel the way your heart rattled your ribcage, just aching to escape and feel his against it. 

an audible hum left your lips in reply. you could feel the heat that radiated your features and spread throughout your body. and, you knew, despite opposition, that he could see its pink shade.  

the one-sided tension was suffocating. you shifted uncomfortably—or maybe in some desperate attempt to ease the ache—and clasped your hands together. then, once again, he smiled at you. your heart didn’t know whether to shatter or melt in the presence, which you’ve only been able to see up close a couple of times. 

“your place or mine?” 

you wouldn’t have believed the way your eyes could grow three-sizes larger than they already had previously. 

“w-what?” you choked out. 

he chuckled at your flustered state. “ms. park posted the partners for the group-projects.” he stated matter-of-factly. “and, guess what class president?” you all but asked what; gulping loudly, tensing your legs together, as well as your fingers and lips. “we’re partnered.” 

you wanted to play it cool, but the excitement at the revelation was fast-approaching. you’d never had the opportunity to see him outside of school—and granted, it was still over school-work but, a win was still a win in your book. 

“o-oh!” you ragged out along with a shaky breath. “right, i was waiting until after practice to ask you about it.”

you lied.

you had no idea that the groups were announced. you just spent your free-time on this bench pretending to do work often enough that it seemed reliable.

his eyebrows rose, like he could see right through your antics. it was honestly a little intimidating; or maybe that’s not exactly the right word to describe the feeling hot-spotted in you.

he glanced back at the field momentarily, watching the rest of his teammates leave the outlined grass. “whatever you say, class president, but i knew exactly where to find you… except on wednesdays.” the undertone was something you couldn’t read, just out of your depth, but still plunged you further into curiosity. “we’ll go to my place then, and i’ll shower while you get started. how’s that sound? practice is done anyways.”

you wanted to protest his offer, but there was something intoxicating about seeing his room and smelling the cologne that lingered in the air. the shampoo and body wash that would waft out to you. you’d dreamt about it, and simply, you wanted to see if it was anything like the picture you painted in your head.

“i can just meet you later—you can shower in peace.” you started to pull the phone from the bag at your side, opening it, and holding it in his direction. “maybe, in like two hours?”

he took hold of the machinery. “what’s the fun in that? you could’ve joined me if you got too bored.”

you laughed painfully, shifting once again at the heat between your thighs. you wanted to accept the offer more than anything, however you know you shouldn’t.

but, what was the fun in that?

“a shame.” he chuckled lightly, holding the phone back out to you after inputting his number and texting himself the address. “i’ll see you then, y/n.”

it was the exact house number you were now staring at, eyes shifting between the text on your screen and the apartment door. it had been a little over two-hours, you having to hype yourself up before you left. and you had decided to relax by taking a bath as well, getting a little carried away with your imagination—which ultimately caused you to be late as well—but, you didn’t think delinquent-athlete, sunwoo, would care all too much.

“you could’ve knocked,” you hadn’t realized the door was now open, revealing the dimly lit (because the curtains were closed and it was approaching 6pm) living space. “or called.”

“s-sorry. i wasn’t sure if this was the right place.” you watched as he moved aside, creating just enough room for you to brush past him, giving you an oh-so desired smell of his cologne.

you cursed yourself for getting so worked up over the little things he’d do, but now you were finding it hard to believe that that wasn’t his intention. he kept you coming back for more, and you were always eager.

“do you want any water?” he asked, watching your frame stand awkwardly in his living room. “my rooms over there, i have a couple of things for you.”

you choked again. “f-for me?”

he laughed. “to use on the poster, y/n.” and he mumbled something after that you weren’t able to catch.

your head panned as he walked to the kitchen, ears listening to the light rattle of glass cups and running water. you plastered your hands to one another politely, scanning over the couple pictures sunwoo did have laying about; his apartment only had the necessities. the few pictures were ones of a younger girl, who you assumed to be his little sister—who he obviously loved enough to display. but you thought there must’ve been more to them, to him, and deep down you knew you’d like to find out one day; to comfort him in his time of need. to be his.

sunwoo came back, two glasses in his hands as he motioned for the closed door on your left. “you can open it, i’ve got nothing to hide from you.”

you don’t know why those words made you blush, maybe it’s because they’re from him, and anything from the athlete is enough to send you reeling.

your hand trembled as it reached to the knob. “oh, okay.” you said, trying to block it with your body. “i was thinking we could start with reading the book a little bit more, to familiarize ourselves with the data before making the final draft. that’s if you don’t mind?”

the door swung against its hinges, making the site of a dark, but minimalistic room meet your view. you took in the smell of cologne, but it didn’t seem to be overpowering like he had just sprayed it around carelessly. his bed was neatly made, black sheets and black pillows placed meticulously: as if a house keeper had been around to do it for him.

he placed the glasses against the wood of his nightstand, a charger and lamp being the only other decor on it.

he pressed the lamp and illuminated the room just a little more. “not confident, class president?”

“that’s not it,” you blurted out, his brows knit and arms crossed as he awaited your explanation. you could barely look in his direction, biting your tongue to not say: i just get flustered enough to forget around you.

“i, uh, it’s just that… nevermind. let’s begin!”

he huffed out another laugh, his actions too fast for you to process as his hands met your shoulders, pushing you to sit on his bed.

your eyes seemed to be in a perpetually widened state, but you found it telling that you put up no protest. the bag on your back made it into your lap, and you unzipped it, taking out multiple pens, markers and whatnot to make a decent poster. sunwoo had grabbed a paper, putting it on the floor and holding out his book for you to take. your hands brushed as you accepted it, and it sent a shiver up your spine.

you began to lay a couple of your class-taken notes onto his bedding, and sunwoo made his way around to the other side. he plopped down onto his stomach, making you bounce slightly.

“you know, class prez, people think you’re scary. you’re always studying, you barely look up, and when you do it’s to tell people off because they’re interrupting said studying.” you tried to read over the notes, but found it hard to ignore the harmonies within his voice. and that your leisure-clothes were getting too warm around your skin. “but they don’t know you, i guess. you’re smart but i bet you know how to have, at least, a little fun, don’t you? and, it’s no secret the school thinks your looks are top-tear. it’s just a shame you reject everyone that asks you out. it’s a waste of your time, i presume. anyways, that’s enough. let’s get started, shall we?”

“w-why?” you asked in such a hushed breath that sunwoo barely heard it. and if he lived with anyone else, or if a car or plane went by at the perfect time, he wouldn’t have. “why is that a shame?”

“because you are beautiful, y/n.”

fuck your clothes, your skin was getting too hot against you. your breath was labored, and now the words on the paper were congregating. you couldn’t focus with sunwoo next to you, and that’s exactly what you feared.

why’d you have to ask? curiosity did kill the cat.

the way you shifted didn’t go unnoticed by the athlete and he let out a chuckle that should just be his signature at this point.

he sat up now, burning his eyes into the side of your head. “what’s wrong, y/n?” he asked, but you refused to look away from the notes, even if you couldn’t get your mind to read them. “has no one ever called you that before?”

you bit your lip, thumbs ripping at the skin around the nail. truthfully, yes, one person has called you that, but it didn’t feel the same as when he did it. sunwoo made your heart beat out of your chest, breath leave your lungs so fast it made you lightheaded. he made you weak in the knees, like you were just jelly to begin with, melting in the sun.

you felt a soft hand reach across you, taking the farthest cheek within his palm and focusing your vision towards himself.

his skin felt like fire against you, but even this smallest touch made you crave more, made you need him in a more than innocent way. and, you were starting to believe his intentions were exactly the same as yours.

your eyes finally focused at the feeling on his hand sliding to rest against the side of your neck, as if he was caressing it, running his thumb over your windpipe gently.

you’d never seen sunwoo so close to your face, but you had imagined it, and it was nothing in comparison. he was beyond beautiful, a sight to see: tan skin untainted by pores and blemishes, soft features like his lips that contradicted, but complimented shaper ones such as his eyes and nose. he was the perfect harmony in your opinion, the perfect—

“god, y/n. i must be crazy.” he broke you from your admiration, breath hitting your lips. “would you treat me any different from the guys who have asked you out in the past?”

god, yes.

your stomach was beyond knots now, the whole damn zoo being let loose. your hands were gripping the sheets at the anticipation that seemed to be agonizing enough to kill you where you sat. in reality, sunwoo wasn’t even doing anything, but he had you at his fingertips, and you weren’t convinced you couldn’t pass out right now.

“fuck, maybe i am crazy…” his eyes flicked to your lips momentarily. “do you want this? i know i’d be interrupting your studying, class president.”

and you don’t know where your confidence came from, but the way you closed the gap was desperate. however, sunwoo put up no protest, and quickly gained control over the situation.

his other palm pulled you by your cheek to deepen the kiss. well, that was until he had enough of the angle you were sat at and gripped your thigh to fully get you onto his bed.

he was a good kisser, a great one in fact, and it made you crave his lips in other places to experience the full effect.

now he was pushing your body by your lower back, trying to get you as close to him a possible, and as if you could read minds, you threw your leg over him to straddle his lap.

he broke the kiss. “good girl.” he said before reconnecting with the skin on your neck, and smiling against it when he heard you whine quietly. you could feel him growing hard underneath you, and wondered if he’d take this all the way, wondered if he wanted you like that. “you do want this, don’t you?”

inside your head you couldn’t help thinking that maybe you weren’t desirable, maybe he was only doing this to prove a point: that the whole school was within his grasp. maybe it was to brag tomorrow, as locker room chatter before soccer practice, because why would sunwoo like you outside of your delusions?

his arms caged you against him, stoping all minor movements and actions. he looked into your eyes, and for a moment it’s like the world had ceased. the only thing you could hear was the thumping within your own chest and the echoes of your doubts.

“do you want me, sunwoo?”

he kissed your lips gently—almost lovingly—before stating. “more than anything right now.”

and you wanted to ask if it was only right now that he wanted you, but you couldn’t will that to leave your lips, as his eyes locked onto your own, mixing like watercolor.

you’d wanted him to want you for a long time, so you hoped it wasn’t only now that he felt the same.

“are you okay?”

your palms now laid against his cheeks, biting your bottom lip, half-nervously and half from feeling his hands curve where the seams of your thighs met the underside of your ass. you pulled him quickly back to you, breaking away only to mumble a quiet yes before being fully taken over by your lust.

he flipped you over quickly, and you found comfort between his soft pillows and blanket. he pushed your thighs apart, slotting himself in between to attach back on your already swollen lips.

his voice came out in a hushed tone, only for you. “class prez, has anyone had you like this? have they seen how perfect you look with messy hair and puffy lips? i bet you’d look so cute crying, wouldn’t you?” you whimpered at the words—the thought—you wanted him to think you were cute, attractive in any way, it was human nature after all; and everything about this was primal. “how far do you want me to go?”

your voice was once again barely audible over your own heartbeat. “whatever you want.”

“yeah, you’d like that wouldn’t you?”

you were beginning—ignoring all previous warnings—to feel overwhelmed, his tongue sending you into overdrive. you didn’t know what to do as you felt him ghost his lips on your collar bone, then down over your chest, eventually landing at your stomach. he pushed the fabric up, latching down onto your hip bone, which had you shifting to get any sort of friction on your core.

all his minuscule teasing was actually beginning to feel painful, but he got the hint. you knew he would.

sunwoo grabbed at the waistband on your pants, looking up to you for reassurance, but you just lifted your hips to make it easier for him. he chuckled, pulling both of the fabrics blocking you from him down.

you heard him mumble something along the lines of pretty as he placed open-mouth kisses against your inner thighs.

one thing about sunwoo is that he left you no room to feel self-conscious or embarrassed. he knew how to love you right, (you didn’t want to know why that was) and was determined to show you that.

you might not have believed this was something more than locker-room chatter, but now…

you moaned when he finally attached to your aching clit, sucking gently before alternating between kissing and licking at your slit. your hand covered your mouth out of embarrassment at the sounds that you couldn’t stop from making. truthfully, the last (and only) guy you were with didn’t even make you finish, so you didn’t have to worry about being too loud—or god forbid, annoying.

but, sunwoo hated that you weren’t letting him hear how good he was doing. he wanted the praise just at much as you did, nonetheless he let you continue. he’d let you until you were completely at his mercy, malleable under his touch. he’d let you because that made you comfortable.

and, to be honest, it still fueled his ego.

“c-close,” you managed to mumble through your fingers, eyes squeezed shut and head lulled back. “woo, please?”

and that fact that you had asked him almost made him cum untouched. so, you were his? he thought to himself, before he groaned into your pussy at the feeling of your fingers attaching to his hair, only adding to your pleasure.

the hands squeezing your plush thighs pulled you closer to his face, close enough to suffocate, but he’d die a happy man.

he continued to eat you out like a starved man, only bedrudgingly pulling away right before you had the chance to properly orgasm.

“w-wait!” you tried to push him back, frantically searching for the edge you were just about to topple off. “w-wh—sunwoo, fuck, d-don’t stop. please.”

tears were pricking your eyes out of frustration—the whole thing being so emotionally and vulnerably charged, you weren’t sure you could hold them back. then, shivers were sent throughout your shaking body as he soothed over your sides and stomach with his hands, lips back to their spot on your thighs.

he propped himself up, staring down at the godly figure he never truly thought you’d let him see. and after a minute, you got embarrassed at the strong gaze on your glistening core; your knees coming together.

his fingers slotted between them, pulling your legs apart. “don’t hide from me, baby. you’re so beautiful—god, all for me, right?”

you whined, quickly sitting up and reaching out for anything he’d give you.

sunwoo kissed your lips again, keeping you at his level with a hand on the small of your back and one gripping the hem of your shirt. you were dizzy from the taste of yourself on him, sunwoo only breaking apart to get the fabric up, and fully over your head. he took off your bra and suddenly the realization that you were fully naked in front of the prized soccer captain, while he was fully clothed, sunk in.

you whined again, too drunk off him to formulate anything coherent. he laughed at how desperately you were pawing at his sweats. “what’s wrong?”

you looked up at him. “fuck me?” and if your eyes weren’t the definition of puppy-dog, he didn’t know what was.

he smiled, grabbing your wrist. “patience, baby. i’ll give you what you want.”

you fell back again, opting to obey him because you were honestly too far gone to come up with anything else to do.

and he did, taking off his sweats, along with the rest of his clothes and pressing his body to yours. his lips were connected back to you and you clawed at his shoulders—anything to ground yourself—while his held your torso down firmly.

he looked between your bodies as he lined himself with your entrance. your head was thrown back, and he pressed a chaste kiss to the middle of your neck before mumbling. “you are pretty when you cry, y/n.” and pushing in slowly.

the stretch only burned for a minute until you moaned almost embarrassingly loud with each shallow thrust. a hand instinctively come up to hide them away. but, that only lasted so long until sunwoo intertwined his fingers with yours, pushing them into the bed on either side of your head.

“don’t hide them, baby,” he sighed against your lips. “please.”

and, whether you wanted to or not, you didn’t have a choice. the noises fell freely from your lips into his shoulder, as he sucked and nipped at your neck again.

“i-is it good?” you could barely hear him, your ears ringing with pleasure; was it good? is he stupid?

you choked on a chuckle, feeling him angle himself just perfectly inside you to brush against your g-spot. “holy fuck,”

“right there, baby?” he did it again, taking notes and storing them away in the back of his mind. your head lulled back again, and he watched your face contort, mouth falling open. “does it feel good?” you couldn’t reply, his thrusts only getting harder after that.

you could feel the band in your stomach tightening, and you feared you wouldn’t even be able to tell him you were getting so close, so fast—too fast.

but, somewhere deep-down, he already knew.

“fuck, you feel so good, y/n.” he sighed, lips ghosting over yours. “i must be the luckiest man in the world, right?” it was rhetorical, but even if you felt the need to answer, all that was coming out of your mouth was moans, groans, and mewls. “perfect body—fuck—perfect personality, perfect pussy, perfect fucking mouth,” he grabbed your chin, your free hand now going to clutch into the skin on his arm. his eyes met your tear-filled, and blurry ones. “open your mouth,”

there was a fire within you when you did as he said, mouth falling open. he spat on your tongue, and you didn’t know whether you came right then or just flat-out died.

“swallow it,” he said—no, demanded—almost making it an impossible task by putting his fingers into your mouth, pushing them to the back of your throat, and making you gag around him. he felt you clench harder at the act. “gonna fuck this throat one day, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

you would.

but, he was spewing heated words into a brick wall. “you’re mine, right?” he asked, taking his saliva-covered fingers from your mouth and bringing them between your bodies.

the moment his fingers landed on your clit, your eyes rolled to the back of your head. the hand that was still intertwined with his was losing circulation from how hard your were gripping it, and the other was scratching his perfect skin hard enough to bleed.

no one had ever made you feel so cold, yet so fucking warm at the same time. nothing you've ever experienced has been as intense and kim sunwoo; the delinquent soccer player. you feared no one could ever make you feel like this again.

so, of course you were his.

“look at me, y/n.” he whispered, kissing along your jaw gently—in contrast to the heavy and hard thrusts he kept at a steady rhythm. “c’mon, y/n, be a good girl. please.”

you felt the impending desire to now, head leveling. his forehead then came to rest against it, fighting off your urge to let it roll back again.

he pecked your lips between sentences. “mine, right?” god, he kept asking an obvious question. “be mine, okay? cum for me,” he circled your clit faster, determined to make you finish one last time. “i got you.”

his voice alone was enough to make you topple over the edge, your noises raising a couple octaves. your vision went white, body convulsing under sunwoo, who kept his eyes on your face the entire time; in awe of you. he fucked you through it of course, mumbling praises, before the overwhelming feeling of fire bloomed between you two; disguised by overstimulation.

you mewled. “woo, p-please stop.” he kissed you quiet, slowing down. but, you didn’t actually want him to stop. “h-hurts… just a little,”

his hand intertwined with yours again. “being such a good girl—taking it so well. just a little more, okay? i promise,” he sighed, feeling the way your walls clenched him in, barely letting him pull out, only causing him to thrust harder. “almost there, y/n, where do you want it?”

your legs caged him against you. “fill me up, please.” and you weren’t above begging for it, especially not in a state of post-euphoria. “cum in me.”

he threw his head back momentarily, fighting off a strong urge to start a second round. how in gods name did he get so lucky? he thought to himself, bringing his forehead back to yours.

he locked eyes onto you. “yeah?” you nodded slightly, eyes full of tears you didn’t know if you’d shed. “gonna be so good and take it all?”

you moaned when he started grinding against you, your clit being stimulated by his pubic-bone.

“could fuck you forever.” he admitted. “do you want me to?”

you spewed out a quiet yes, and if you didn’t know any better you’d think he was being serious—maybe he was. you were too far gone to even begin guessing.

he kissed you again, desperately fighting your tongue with his. he continued to kiss down your jaw and into your neck, leaving glistening marks in his wake. he sucked on your collarbone, finding a sweet-spot you didn’t even know you had, and biting down for a second. your mouth fell open in a silent scream, an orgasm you didn’t even know was there, washing over you.

sunwoo just kept forcing you to learn about yourself—you guess, it’s a good thing you’ve always been known for studying, isn’t it?

your intense orgasm triggered his, a soft groan leaving his lips as uneven thrusts made sure you both were fully satisfied.

you felt fuzzy, brain completely melted under his touch. your heavy breathing mixed with his, his body fully collapsing from exhaustion. however, his weight wasn’t enough to suffocate you, so you let him stay where he was, breaking your hand from his and threading it into his damp hair.

the silence was loud—heartbeats intertwined—as you both came down, the reality about to set in.

would he push you away after this? did he even mea—

“i meant it, by the way.” your eyebrows creased. you weren’t even sure if you had imagined that. and, if you didn’t feel the rumbling of his chest on yours as he spoke, you might’ve believed it was only in your head. “be mine, okay?”

little did he know, you already were.

you whispered out a reply. “okay.”

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— ⟢ author's note ... the way this took me forever to finish is actually insane !! apologies if this is entirely ooc i fear i am still learning piwon !! ( 1 / 6 )

𓆉 jaehyun

jaehyun tugged at the cross body strap of your bag, “where are you taking this? we’re only going around the block?”

you pulled a face at the boy’s question, “i might pick up some candy from the convenience store. is that alright with you?” you retorted like a grumpy teenager.

jaehyun chuckled and pulled out his wallet, waving it in your face before slipping it back into his pocket. “come on, let’s go before it starts raining again.”

“i’m still taking it though,” you gripped onto the strap, for no other reason than because you felt weird without a bag these days.

“you’re cute, you know that, right?” he smiles. as he looks at you, you feel yourself mellowing under his gaze. despite the fact that you’d liked him since the day you met, him calling you cute never usually had any effect on you, it was a part of his everyday vocabulary. but today, it felt different. you noted his eyes shift from your own to your lips. this wasn’t anything new either. but you never wanted to get ahead of yourself and think it was something that it’s not. you rubbed your fingers over them, they were a little chapped, that’s probably what he was looking at, right?

oh probably not.

jaehyun’s hand guided yours away from your face, replacing it with his own, colder hand on your cheek. before you could fully process what was happening, his lips met with yours. his smile into the kiss didn’t go unnoticed by you, humming in happiness, and, to be honest, a little bit of shock.

jaehyun pulled away in a concerned, almost grunt. “sorry, i should’ve asked, i’m sorry, was that stupid of me? i really thought you liked me back,” he rambled.

“i do!” you exclaimed in a way that shut him up. “i do,” you clarified in a softer tone.

“good,” he nodded, taking your hand and escorting you through the front door of your apartment block. “so when do i get another?”

your morning continued in a similar vein, eventually you did repay the favour of course, but not without a whole lot of puppy eyes.

𓆉 sungho

“this was a good idea,” sungho praised himself, a proud smile on his face as he looked back to the stars after placing his phone on the blanket. he leaned back, his hand slightly brushing yours as he sturdied himself. for the first time ever, you decided to leave your hand where it was. sungho had invited you here, stargazing, it was quite obviously a date, the least you could do was put your shyness aside. you couldn’t stop your hand from fidgeting though. he smiled to himself, bashfulness radiating from your whole being.

“hey, did you just take a picture of me?” you asked, furrowing your brows as you realised what exactly he was doing on his phone.

“so what if i did?” he asked, his head turning to face you, “there’s only 1 thing prettier than the sky right now.” his hand found yours more directly this time, playing with your fingers for a little while, just until you looked at him.

your eyes locked on his, neither of you were planning on looking away anytime soon. you felt almost possessed. you were never the type of person to do this. sungho leaned over and your face edged closer to his. with his weight now on just one of his hands, his other hand was at your cheek, his thumb gently caressing your lobe. he finally shut his eyes, his lips meeting with yours as though it was your reward for winning the imaginary staring competition. you forgot where you were for a moment, not that it mattered. nothing else mattered. just you and him.

he pulled away with a shy, almost silent giggle, and fell back to resting on both hands. you turned in your place and lay back, your head now in his lap.

“i think im gonna sleep here tonight,” you spoke, turning onto your side and taking in the city from the rooftop.

“hmm” sungho hummed as he shuffled in his place. he draped the spare blanket over your body and began to play with your hair. “you can do that, baby, that’s fine by me.”

𓆉 riwoo

seeking comfort, your hand immediately finds your earring, toying with it as you eye the boy watching the movie next to you. riwoo had invited you over to watch something, honestly, you can’t even remember the title, but you said yes anyway, just because it was him. the only trouble was, you couldn’t even concentrate on the movie, you were only looking at him. every so often, he’d glance back at you, looking a little disappointed that you weren’t as engrossed as he was, but secretly, he was so happy to catch you staring. if you weren’t looking at him, he was looking at you, so he was glad to know you felt the same way.

he picked up the remote from the small gap between you and hit pause. “y/n, are you even watching this?” he huffed.

“yes!” you lied. he looked at you and tried to hold his laughter. “sorry, it’s just not really my thing,” you added, your shoulders relaxing finally for the first time that afternoon, “but you can carry on watching, i don’t mind!”

he sighed, “why didn’t you say something? we could’ve watched something else!”

your eyes met and the mood changed immediately. the tv was long forgotten as his eyes drifted to your lips.

“totally random question,” he began, “but can i kiss you?” you tried to not look confused but clearly that wasn’t working. “sorry, i think i read the room completely wrong, forget i ever said that, so stupid,” he rambled, blinking a few times.

you reached for his hand, feeling guilty as you felt it shaking. “that’s not what i meant, i mean, i would like a kiss, yes, but i didn’t expect you to ask, that was all,” your response was just as clunky as his initial question. it was endearing in a way.

riwoo’s face was less than inches away from yours when he spoke again, “so, i can kiss you?” his hand was at your waist, causing you to shudder.

“please,” you encouraged, almost begged at this point.

your lips were so close you could feel him smile, before they met with yours. it was slow, in a good way, you thought, it seemed to last forever, but also not long enough. as he pulled away, you went back for another, it was hungry yet so incredibly innocent at the same time. years of pining lead up to this and so you felt you had to make the most of it. and when you finally pulled away, you took one last small peck at his lips, his hand squeezing at your waist cheekily.

“you’re acting like we haven’t got all the time in the world to kiss more,” he giggled, his head coming to rest against your shoulder.

“well, i didn’t want to waste any,” you admitted, “we have a lot of lost time to make up for!”

𓆉 taesan

“my gosh, when can we get out of here?” taesan asked you discreetly, stretching back on his chair and turning his head to you.

“they’re your friends, taesan,” you laughed, hitting his torso with the back of your hand, causing him to curl into himself.

“don’t forget why you were invited to the function, y/n,” he rolled his eyes, eliciting a laugh from you.

“because you enjoy my company sooo much,” you looked around the crowded room. your voice died down as you realised, that probably isn’t the reason at all. the room was full of the hottest, coolest people you’d ever met, and they all seemed to be close friends with taesan, it was his birthday celebration after all. “i thought you were a party lover, anyway?”

his gaze on you turned less serious, yet for some reason, made your heart beat faster. “well, clearly, you don’t know me well enough.”

“maybe i don’t,” you admit, wishing it wasn’t true. “but they hired out this whole place, shouldn’t you be up there, dancing with them?” you motioned to the crowds of people around the venue.

“i don’t want to right now,” he laughed. you were so unbelievably oblivious, to him, he was making his crush on you very clear. your eyes fixated on a group of pretty girls on the dance floor, an unjustifiable pang of jealousy hitting right where it hurts. his own eyes followed yours to the group. he thought for a moment, analysing what you might be thinking. he could read you like a book. you both turned to each other at the same time, both with your hands guarding your words being seen by any onlookers.

“who’s that girl-“ you started.

“i swear i didn’t even know half of these people-“ he spoke at the same time, managing to get more words out in the same amount of time.

he shook his head with an amused smile, pushing your hand out of the way with his own before placing it on your cheek. he leaned in, wasting not time in pressing his lips against yours. one long kiss and three smaller ones. not that either of you were counting or anything. your lips lingered near his for a moment, waiting for another. but he didn’t give. instead he just laughed.

“if you want more, you’re going to have to wait until we go on a proper date, y/n, i’m a gentleman you know?”

you raised your eyebrows, trying to brush off the embarrassment.

he stretched back on his chair once again as he accidentally caught the attention of one of his friends, who beckoned him to join them. he stood reluctantly, but his stance was inviting you to join him. you stood too and began to walk with him.

“oh, and that girl in the red dress is one of those people that i don’t know. but it’s cute that you’re getting jealous already,” he said with his usual nonchalant attitude, “i’m gonna tell them i’m heading back to the dorms, but i think the river looks really pretty under the moonlight, so let’s make that date happen. wait here, okay?”

𓆉 leehan

leehan turned to find you with your head resting on your arm, which was extended across the table in his kitchen. he wiped his slightly damp hands on his shorts as he turned off the faucet.

“my cooking made you that sleepy?” he said through a shy smile. he took the seat next to you cautiously. this was the first time you’d been alone together at his shared house and it was clearly affecting you both similarly. you wanted to bounce off the walls with excitement, you wanted to kiss his face off, you wanted someone, anyone, to walk through that door, you wanted the ground to swallow you up.

“i didn’t know beef had that taste,” you joked, trying to push away the conflicting feelings. you folded your arm under your head.

“what’s that supposed to mean?” he laughed along.

his eyes focused solely on your hand, that you’d just brought closer to him. did you do that on purpose? did you want him to hold it? his hand found yours before he could think about it anymore, his fingers playing with yours which were weightless under his touch.

you, stunned by the sudden physical affection, lifted your head and looked at the boy. his eyes remained on your hand, which was slowly closing around his. “maybe, next time, you could cook for me?” he asked, trying to break the silence.

“maybe,” his eyes finally met with yours as you began to speak, “i’m not sure it would be any better,” you laughed, and he laughed too.

“well, then we’ll have to go out,” a familiar awkwardness filled the room again, “like on a date, if you’d like?”

his eyes searched yours for an answer before you could even respond. you tried your best to look as enthusiastic as possible, after all, there was nothing you wanted more. “i’d like that a lot, actually.” you shyly rested your head on his shoulder, hoping he wouldn’t see how hard you were blushing right now.

he knew you couldn’t see it, but the only way he could respond was with a warm smile. he looked down to you, the dusty pink hue to your cheeks giving him a wave of confidence. he freed his hand from yours and took your chin between his thumb and finger, tilting your head to mirror his own before leaning in.

his lips landed on yours delicately. the kiss was regretfully short considering how long awaited it was by both of you, but it didn’t stop you from enjoying it. it was like you were both sharing the same butterflies in your tummies. for that split second, everything felt right. neither of you wanted to pull away, but shyness forced you both to revert back to ‘reality.’ you both continued to stare into each other’s eyes. both of you seemed to be begging for another, but neither of you quite caught on.

“that was nice,” you admitted. ‘nice’ was certainly an understatement, you thought, as you kicked yourself for even speaking. “sorry, did i just ruin the moment?” you pulled your lips into your mouth, apparently copying leehan’s expression.

he shook his head, beginning to chuckle, “you’re cute.”

𓆉 woonhak

“it’s okay, i’m kinda scared of horror movies anyway,” you laughed, absentmindedly linking arms with woonhak as you left the movie theatre.

the air outside was biting cold. you weren’t exactly dressed for the weather, but woonhak had been kind enough to lend you his jacket. though oversized, the thin layer of corduroy it wasn’t adding much warmth to you, which is why you found yourself clinging to his arm.

“you know, some people may call that an ick,” he laughed with you, “at your big age you can’t handle a bit of scary fiction?” he mimicked, turning to you to make sure that you were finding his teasing funny. “maybe it was a good thing that they sold out, i don’t think i could take you seriously with tears in your eyes!” he added.

“hey,” you hit his arm with your free hand, “i never said i’d cry!”

“nooo,” he walk became more of a sway, taking you with him sillily, “but what i’m trying to say isss,” his words dragged out longer the more he pushed you along the dimly lit walkway, “i think you’d look pretty when you cry, probably.”

the sudden compliment, if you can even call it that, had you rooted to the spot, causing him to do the same. you raised a brow and took your arm from his. he moved to stand opposite you, a smile forming at your confusion. you eyes softened as you dug your hands into the jacket pockets, his phone being the only thing in there.

“shall we take a picture?” you pulled it out and held it up, “one for the scrapbook - the failed movie night!”

you cheesed at the camera, woonhak’s head peeping in just above yours, housing a pouty, kissy face. you hit the centre button at the right time, just as his lips pecked at your temple. you tried your best to ignore it, not because you didn’t enjoy it, but because you didn’t know how to address it.

“for the record, y/n, i think you’re prettier when you’re not crying,” he clarified, “like tonight. and you look so cute in my jacket too.” his hand came to your cheek and pinched it while smiling sweetly. you swooned, unable to take your eyes off his lips. you desperately wanted to know how they felt on yours, even more so after the small kiss he gave you only a few seconds ago.

you didn’t have to wait long to find out. his lips met with yours and your eyes closed instinctively. he pushed against them a little harder before pulling away naturally. “that was okay, right?” he asked, realising he hadn’t even asked before he did that.

you nodded, still unable to put your feelings into words, but almost greedily wanting another. “hey, have you watched gilmore girls?” you asked, the seemingly random question causing woonhak to shake his head in confusion.

“uh i don’t think so,” he took your hand in his and began to walk with no end destination in mind. he looked over to you and looked away again in a split second, your smile making his heart skip a beat.

“great, shall we go back to mine and watch that instead?” you cosied into his side once again.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” he breathes, leaning down to press his cheek into the messy mop of your hair.

When the two of you part, you wince at the few black streaks that have transferred to Euijoo’s t-shirt. You know that ash is likely still coloring your face, the scent of fire and burning fabric clinging to your skin. Although the flames have been put out, there is still residual smoke pluming from the building behind you. You cough twice, as if wisps of clouded air are still swirling around your lungs.

Euijoo squats down, finally eye level with your seated form as he searches your face. You let your eyes flutter shut, telling yourself that you’re still dazed from the fire. In reality, you know that making eye contact with the man before you would be too painful. He has always been too transparent, emotions freely swimming in his brown eyes.

“Were you able to grab anything else?” Euijoo’s voice has fallen to no more than a whisper.

You just shake your head in response, not bothering to acknowledge your purse and laptop that are placed next to you. Everything else, as far as you know, is gone. Euijoo sighs.

“They said that tomorrow, we can come back to look for things,” you whisper, swallowing back the sob that threatens to escape your throat. “But they told us not to get our hopes up.”

Euijoo is silent for a moment, staring at you with those deep dark eyes. You can feel the intensity of his stare with your eyes closed, having been on the receiving end of that same gaze many times. You know he pities you, but that’s the last thing you want right now.

“I’m taking you home, back to my place. You can stay there for as long as you need.”

Your eyes pop open, meeting Euijoo’s gaze for the first time that night. “You don’t have to. I can get a hotel or something for the night.”

“Absolutely not. When you moved out here, I promised your parents that I would take care of you, so that’s what I’m going to do.” Euijoo stands again to his full height, reaching out a hand that you eye warily. “Now let’s go home.”

. . .

Euijoo’s body wash smells of wood and cinnamon, the smell filling the bathroom and replacing the scent of fire and smoke that had previously seeped into your skin. Even his body lotion has a very specific scent, one that you are all too familiar with. The aroma clings to his clothes, along with a faint hint of laundry detergent, filling your nose as you slip into one of his shirts and a pair of shorts. They both hang incredibly long on you, shoulders in the shirt sagging while the shorts are snug around your hips.

Your wet hair has been pulled back into a bun, which you know will be a mess to tame in the morning. But Euijoo didn’t have any of the right hair products, and you would rather die than ask him to buy you something at the moment. Even when he offered, you shut him down, letting him know that anything he was missing would be a problem for the next day. After all, it was already well after midnight.

Euijoo’s eyes soften around the edges when you finally emerge from the bathroom, smiling timidly at you from the couch. You plop down unceremoniously next to him, hugging your knees to your chest as you back into the corner of the couch. Its leather creaks with the movement, a familiar sound after all these years.

“I ordered some food, just in case you haven’t eaten,” Euijoo says, inching further into your space. It’s impossible to fight a flinch when he places a hand on your bare knee, right where his shorts have ridden up your thigh. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine.”

Without looking, you know that Euijoo is rolling his eyes, the tiny hint of sass that he’s harbored since childhood peeking through.

“Well, I called your dad, and he said you only texted your parents briefly. He wanted to talk to you but I told him that you were showering and probably didn’t feel like talking.” Euijoo gives your thigh a firm squeeze. “But I was hoping you’d at least talk to me.”

Your heart lurches at the thought of Euijoo speaking to your family, even though you know it has been a regular occurrence since you were teenagers. Your parents had always been fond of him, the picture-perfect image of the boy next door. And as you grew older, Euijoo had basically been absorbed into the family. Even though he’s been your best friend since you were children, you don’t know why the thought of talking to him right now is making your stomach swim.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” you mumble, shrinking further into the couch cushions.

“Y/N…just…look at me, please?”

It takes all your strength, but you manage to tear your gaze away from your knees to meet Euijoo’s own. His rounded eyes are sparkling like they always are, a hint of sadness dampening their brightness. His lips pull up into a small smile at the eye contact, plush cheeks dimpling. His warm hand is still placed firmly on your thigh, large enough to span most of its circumference.

“There you are,” he coos, beginning to rub light circles on the exposed skin of your thigh. “Listen, I know you. I know you’re going to keep saying everything is fine because you don’t want anyone to worry about you. But your entire apartment building just burned down. You’re feeling something. You have to talk to someone about it. Even if it’s not me, you have to let someone in.”

You blink, and when you reopen your eyes, your vision is cloudy. Fat, hot tears spill over, leaving scalding trails down your cheeks. You can barely make out Euijoo’s smile dropping before you are pulled into a tight embrace. When you both were younger, you used to hate when Euijoo would use his overwhelming strength against you. But now, you are grateful for it, knowing you wouldn’t have hugged him otherwise.

“I was so scared, Juju,” you sob into the crook of his neck. “I was just in my room and when I opened the door, everything was in flames. There wasn’t anywhere I could go! I was trapped on the balcony until they came and got me. I thought I was gonna die.”

Euijoo just squeezes you tighter at the outburst, placing a kiss on the crown of your head. “I’m so sorry. But you’re okay now. You’re safe here with me.”

The two of you are quiet for a few moments, the only thing interrupting the silence being the occasional hiccup or sniffle. It feels like ages until you have finally calmed down enough to pull away. But when you do, you notice the tear tracks drying on Euijoo’s ruddy cheeks.

“Why are you crying?” You ask softly.

Euijoo just shrugs, chuckling sadly. “I don’t like seeing you upset.”

You don’t have enough time to respond before the doorbell rings, signaling the arrival of your food. Euijoo excuses himself to go answer it, allowing you to admire the long lines of his legs as he retreats. You can’t help but feel embarrassed, as you always are around the man. But you hate the way he leaves your heart hammering in your chest as you stare.

It’s not like you are unaware of how attractive Euijoo is. After all, the first time you ever laid eyes on him at seven years old, you swore he was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen. Despite the childish attraction, you had grown to love him in a much deeper way, the kind of love that only develops when you know someone inside and out. Euijoo grew taller, older, buffer, more handsome, and you had found a million ways to love him differently, love him deeper. The love you had for Euijoo surely changed, which leaves you hating the way your body heats up and your pulse picks up speed as Euijoo rounds the corner.

His wide smile is paired with crinkled eyes and you feel a piece of your heart turn heavy like lead.

“I’m like 90% sure they got some of our order wrong, but there’s still plenty of good stuff in case you’re hungry.”

You don’t bother looking at the takeout bag, too busy guiltily feasting your eyes on the sight before you.

. . .

Falling into a routine is unfairly easy. The two of you will wake up from your shared bed, at Euijoo’s insistence that you don’t sleep on the couch, and begin to get ready for the day. You cook breakfast as Euijoo gets ready for work, cherishing the fact that your job has permitted you plenty of personal leave. You watch him leave in a crisply pressed suit and daintily patterned tie, off to his accounting job for a few hours.

Then you sit in silence, ruminating over everything that has led you to this exact moment. You replay the moment that you were confronted with a wall of flames, feeling heat lick at your toes the same way it did that night. You let your shoulders shake in terror the same way they did when you were trapped on the balcony, fearing for your life. You cough like the billowing smoke is clouding your lungs, even though the air in Euijoo’s apartment is crisp and smells faintly of lemon-scented cleaner.

Then Euijoo comes through the door, and you slap a smile on your face. Sometimes he returns with takeout, bag overflowing with all of your shared favorites. Sometimes he comes with a bag full of groceries, which the two of you unpack together while Euijoo recounts his day. You’re quick to shoo him away as you begin to cook.

It’s the only thing that makes you feel like less of a parasite than you are.

You’re both following that exact routine until you reach your first Saturday, and Euijoo practically vibrates in excitement at the prospect of spending the day together. Despite living in the same city, the two of you have rarely spent full days together, work or other personal engagements always getting in the way.

“I was thinking of having a few friends over tonight,” Euijoo mentions over a bowl of cereal. “I feel like you haven’t met enough of my friends.”

“It’s your house,” you shrug, burying your nose into your own bowl so you don't have to face the disappointed look in his eye.

“Y/N, you gotta stop with that.”

“With what?” You snap.

You know you’re being difficult. You know that all Euijoo wants is some positive input from his best friend, but you can’t. It hurts deep in your core to give him what he’s wanting when you know you are already taking so much. You shouldn’t be here, and you definitely shouldn’t have a say in whether or not Euijoo has his friends over tonight. Yet, he wants to hear from you.

Like he thinks you’re important. Like he thinks you matter. Like he thinks you’re more than just a virus, invading a host for selfish gain.

You have nothing to gain, you remind yourself.

“I’m sorry, Juju,” you sigh, brushing a stray piece of hair away from your face. “I’m not trying to be a bitch. I mean it.”

Euijoo’s spoon falls into his porcelain bowl with a loud clink. “I know you’re not. You’re just going through a lot right now. But I just want to help you.”

“You’re doing way more than just helping me.”

“I feel like I’m not doing enough.”

You sigh. “What do you mean? You’re already doing so much by just having me here and I can’t help but just wonder why.”

“Because I love you.”

The way he says it jumpstarts your heart, hotwiring it so it’s moving at a million miles per hour in your chest. You know he doesn’t mean it the way you want him to. He loves in the way a best friend loves, in the way family loves, that much is clear.

But there’s something in his open expression that has your heart clinging onto a maybe. Maybe he has loved you the way you have loved him and hated yourself for. Maybe he knows that being loved is all that you have ever wanted but is simultaneously your greatest fear. Maybe he knows that all of your belongings disappearing right before your very eyes while he was the only thing that remained meant something to you.

“You’re my best friend.”

Or maybe it meant nothing at all.

Euijoo sighs, leaning back in his chair before addressing you across the table from him. “It’s impossible for me not to worry about you when you won’t talk to me, or to anyone! You don’t leave the house and it just scares me. I want to help you, but I can’t do anything until you let me.”

You swallow, your bite of cereal feeling too thick as it travels down your esophagus. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Euijoo mutters as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “Just let me in.”

“I’m trying.”

“Are you?”

You’re not, and you both know it. If anything, you’re doing the exact opposite, trying to close yourself off as much as possible. You shrink into spaces, making yourself so small that Euijoo will forget that you’re there. It never seems to work, though. The other man sees you no matter where you attempt to hide.

There’s a moment of silence as the two best friends regard each other. Silently, you mourn your cereal getting soggy in your bowl even though you have lost your appetite. Euijoo’s own is empty, his metal spoon resting against the pure white bowl. For a moment, you catch a whiff of cinnamon. You’re temporarily perplexed, only to have your own question answered when the neckline of Euijoo’s shirt shifts against your collarbones. Despite not wanting to feel parasitic, you can’t refuse the comfort of literally living in his clothes.

“I just want you to be happy and have some fun tonight, so I’m going to have some people stop by.” Euijoo doesn’t once break eye contact as he speaks. “It’s not going to be big, but it will be good for you to talk to someone who isn’t me.”

You suppress a scoff, knowing that you don't really talk to Euijoo either, not in the way he desires. “Fine. Like I said, it’s your house.”

You don't stay to hear the exasperated sigh that Euijoo lets out, choosing instead to dump the remains of your cereal in the trash. There isn’t much other space to retreat to, so you make yourself comfy on the sofa, just barely out of Euijoo’s sight. It’s only a moment before the man joins you, hoisting your legs onto his lap.

“Movie?” He questions, thumb rubbing small circles into the bare skin of your ankle as if all is forgiven.

You just make a small noise of affirmation before sinking further into the cushions, letting yourself get comfortable as Euijoo puts something on.

Euijoo’s touch used to fluster you, back when you were in that awkward stretch of preteen and early teen years. No guys touched girls the way that Euijoo touched you unless they were dating. The girls in your classes would always try and convince you that it had to mean something more, that he had to feel something more for you than just platonic love. He loved loved you.

It didn’t help that you loved him way more than you should have.

It was enough to make you flinch when he wrapped an arm around your waist and pull away when he trapped you in a hug. You avoided holding hands on the way home from school and refused to share earbuds when the two of you sat next to each other. It would all make your heart pound too hard and your palms so sweaty that your phone would slip through your grasp.

You were just friends; that you knew. It didn’t matter that Euijoo loved to play with the loose pieces of hair that framed your face or that his hand outgrew yours to the point where your fingers swam in the spaces between his. It didn’t matter that your chest constricted every time his right cheek dimpled or that your face burned every time he called you by your name.

Because every boiling pot eventually cools to a simmer when the heat dissipates.

As you two grew into late teens and early adulthood, you eventually relaxed into the affection that Euijoo would display. The constriction relaxed to a minor tightness and the burn became more of a minor glow. You became more confident that this is what friends feel for each other, a love so vast that it fills your core to the brim but never fully encompasses you.

You would gladly let him encompass you. But until he does, you’ll have to make do with his scent.

You find yourself using Euijoo’s body wash in the shower before the party, even though your own has made a home right next to his. You also use his lotion, rubbing the scent of him into your skin. As much as you contemplate wearing his clothes again, you know that it will only be right to put on your best for tonight. Your makeup and hair are done for the first time in a week, and you feel a bit more like yourself again.

You feel like a girl anyone can look at and not know she’s screaming inside. You consider it a win.

The few friends that Euijoo invites over arrive in waves. It gives you enough time to introduce yourself and make some small talk before having to do it time and time again. By the fifth or so introduction, though, you’re feeling a little worn out, even with the booze that helps ease your nerves. You grab another seltzer from the fridge and squeeze into the corner of the sofa. You only have a few moments of peace before the leather dips beside you.

“Mind if I join you?”

Deep, piercing eyes are only barely visible behind overgrown black fringe, the rest of his hair falling down the back of his neck. Nicholas’s smile is welcoming, extremely warm and familiar for someone you have just met a handful of minutes ago. Despite the assortment of clunky rings, silver jewelry, and thick eyeliner, he seems pretty soft and pleasant.

“Go ahead,” you mumble, taking a long swig from your can.

“You know, It’s nice to finally meet you, the infamous but ever-illusive best friend. Euijoo literally talks about you all the time.”

You wish you could say the same, but Euijoo has always been notoriously quiet about others when you two speak. It used to bug you, not knowing anything about who your best friend chose to spend his time with. But throughout the years, you were forced to let it go.

“Good things, I hope.”

Nicholas chuckles softly. “Great things, actually. But something tells me it still doesn’t compare to you in real life.”

“You don’t even know me,” you scoff. “How would you know what I’m like?”

“Well, if your personality is anything like your beauty, then I think Euijoo just barely scratched the surface.”

The snort that you let out genuinely takes you by surprise. You rush to apologize, free hand coming up to hide your grin despite the way Nicholas is smiling as well. He looks pretty like this, you note, with his cheeks twisted upwards and eyes shining with mirth.

“I’m so sorry,” you giggle. “But that was a crazy line.”

Nicholas shrugs. “Listen, making pretty girls laugh is an art form. I had to say what I had to say. You honestly looked like you were going to commit murder just sitting here.”

Now it’s your turn to shrug, the smooth beats of Euijoo’s playlist soothing the silence between the two. The brief moment of respite is enough for you to feel a pair of eyes on you from across the room. When you turn to face Euijoo, though, he just shoots you a calm smile.

“I don’t think he likes that I’m talking to you.”

“Who? Euijoo?”

Nicholas doesn’t respond, choosing instead to take a long swig of his drink. The silver rings on his fingers reflect the minimal light in the room as he tilts his cup back. You struggle not to trace the movement of his throat with your gaze as he drinks.

“Why would he not want you to talk to me?”

“I think it’s because you’re off limits, sweetheart.”

Before you can respond, a warm body plops down on the couch next to you, instantly pressing into your space. The woodsy scent of Euijoo’s cologne is confirmation enough, but the way his hand instantly finds a home on your thigh is a dead giveaway. When you look over to regard the man, his eyes are trained away, locked on Nicholas instead.

“And what are you two chatting about?” He inquires with an overly saccharine smile.

Nicholas just smiles. “See what I mean?”

He’s gone with little more than a wink and a subtle tip of his cup.

. . .

Sunday morning brings a welcome mundane energy. You and Euijoo stand side by side at the sink, sudsy hands working on washing sticky juice and lip gloss off glasses from the night before. There’s soft music playing from Euijoo’s phone, a pleasant melody filling the silence along with the sound of flowing water. Despite the serenity, you can’t help the question itching in the back of your brain.

“So what was that last night?”

“What was what?” Euijoo’s eyes are endearingly round when he turns to look at the woman on his left.

You sigh. “That whole thing with Nicholas? We were talking and then you came in seeming all threatened?”

“Threatened?” Euijoo chuckles. “Why would I be threatened?”

“I have no idea. That’s why I’m asking.”

The smile that rises on Euijoo’s face doesn’t quite reach his eyes. His ears begin to bloom a brilliant shade of red, tipping you off to the lie he’s about to tell.

“I wasn’t threatened. It made me happy to see two of my closest friends getting along.”

The sound of the faucet running prevents you from responding, Euijoo having turned it on with a sense of finality. You decide not to push it, knowing that when Euijoo gets cagey like this, time and space are the only thing that can make him open up. You guess it’s what makes the two of you similar, your limited ability to be transparent with each other over the things that really matter.

You spend the rest of the day circling around each other like animals in an enclosure. You share space, following each other from room to room while simultaneously keeping as much distance as physically possible. When Euijoo sits on one side of the couch, you sit on the other. When you rummage through the fridge, Euijoo stands by the breakfast table. It isn’t until you both find yourselves in the shared bathroom, brushing your teeth over a shared sink that you speak.

“I think threatened is the wrong word for it,” Euijoo says with a foamy mouth. “I just know how Nicholas is, so I wanted you to be careful.”

You spit. “What do you mean?”

“He’s the player type, likes to fuck around.” Euijoo spits and swishes some water around his mouth before continuing. “I know he thinks you’re cute or whatever. But you deserve better than that.”

“Since when do you care about my love life?”

“Since forever.”

There it goes again, the feeling of maybe. You are left to wonder if he means that in the sense that you want him to mean it. You wonder if his attention to you comes from his Virgo nature or from his genuine care for you. You wonder if it comes from his love for you, and if it’s the same type of love that you have for him.

“You know I don’t date like that,” you mumble, folding your arms over your chest. You’re once again clad in Euijoo’s tee shirt, a tiny pair of shorts disappearing underneath its hem.

Euijoo sighs. “I know. But I also know that Nico doesn’t care about dating. That’s not what he’d want from you.”

“And who’s to say that’s what I want from him either?”

“I didn’t know you were that type.”

I’m not, you want to say, but the words swirl back down your throat like water down a drain. You don't get a chance to respond before Euijoo is leaving the bathroom, running a hand through his hair. It feels pathetic to follow him out, but you do anyway, trying to find words as you plop down onto his bed. Euijoo switches the light off before settling in next to his best friend.

“Look,” Euijoo says after a moment of silence. “If you want to go after Nico, then I can’t stop you. I’m sure he’d be happy to have you.”

“Would you?”

“Would I what?”

“Have me? In that way, I mean.”

The words leave your mouth before you can properly process what they mean. You want to rush to take them back, to let the words that hang in the darkness return to the safety of your brain. For some reason, you let them linger.

Euijoo releases a shaky breath, the sound seeming thunderous in the silent darkness. For a good moment, that’s all there is. You would be convinced that the man fell asleep if it weren’t for the odd rhythm of his breathing and the way his body shifts.

“Y/N, I could never.”

The blood in your veins ices over, leaving you frozen in place.

“Oh.”

Euijoo shifts on the bed, laying on his side so that he’s able to fully face you. “I mean there’s all of this. You’re in a vulnerable spot and we’ve been spending a lot of time together. I’m sure you’re just feeling a lot right now.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Euijoo sighs. “That’s why I also want you to think twice before going for Nico.”

You want to scream. How Euijoo could bring Nicholas up at a time like this is beyond you. You don't know how he can’t see that this isn’t about him. This isn’t about trauma or a fire or needing a warm bed to sleep in. This is about you, both of you. This has been about you way before the fire and will continue to be about you for years after.

But it’s no use, you know that much. In times of conflict, Euijoo has always been quick to skirt around the topic, always trying to obscure the truth through diversion. But there’s one simple fact that remains clear; Euijoo doesn’t want you. Or rather, he doesn’t want you to want him.

“I really hate when you do this, you know,” you spit.

You can almost hear Euijoo’s eye roll as he speaks. “When I do what?”

“When you try to tell me how I feel. You don’t know shit about how I’m feeling.”

“I could,” Euijoo retorts. “But you never let me in. So what the hell do you expect me to do?”

Even in the dark, you know the man’s face has turned red, hot with frustration. The knowledge is enough to keep you silent for a moment, carefully mulling over your words before you speak.

“If I tell you how I’m feeling, I’m going to end up telling you too much.”

“You could never tell me too much.”

You can’t help but sigh, letting your eyes flutter shut. “I just did.”

. . .

Cleaning the entire apartment is how you choose to put salve on the wounds of your friendship. You scrub away at the grime on the countertops, wipe the grease and stains from every mirror, and mop the floor until you can see your reflection in it. It’s not much, but it’s something to distract you from the red hot feeling that blooms in your chest when you think about the night before.

Bits of yourself seeped through the locked cage of your heart last night. And now that they’re out in the open, you’re not sure if they will ever return to you.

Euijoo returns home from work with a sigh, loosening his tie right when he comes through the doorway. The skin underneath his eyes has taken on a purplish hue, fine lines settling deep from exhaustion. He doesn’t even look like himself, despite looking everything like himself. You hate how you think he looks beautiful.

“Hey,” he greets softly when he strolls into the kitchen. “I didn’t have time to pick anything up, so I ordered delivery.”

You nod once, before tuning into the fact that the man has yet to look at you. “That’s fine.”

The silence that overcomes the kitchen hangs low like nimbostratus clouds, heavy with rainwater. It’s almost oppressive, the way Euijoo’s gaze remains down at his feet while you pick at your cuticles. Never in your decades of friendship have you ever had tension like this. You hate the way it makes your throat constrict, suddenly parched for a connection that won’t come.

“Are you okay?” You manage to croak out. “You look…stressed.”

Euijoo lets out a sarcastic chuckle. “Maybe because I am.”

“Why?”

Finally, Euijoo’s gaze snaps up to meet your own, eyes holding a sense of disbelief. “My best friend propositioned me last night and I turned her down. And when I turned her down, she lost it on me.”

“Juju, I—,”

“No,” he interrupts, voice scratchy from the thickness in his throat. “Don’t do that now. I’m just…what’s going on with you, Y/N? I don’t know what has changed, but it’s killing me. Why can’t you just tell me what’s been going on with you so I can help?”

Your eyes begin to sting as Euijoo speaks, the beginnings of tears welling up near your waterline. It takes a few seconds for you to swallow down the lump that sits high in your throat. Your hands are dry from various cleaning solutions as they flex and contract at your sides, looking for something to grasp onto. You just end up balling them into fists, letting your nails press grounding pains into your palms.

“I told you how much you’ve already helped me.”

Euijoo sighs, running a hand through his hair. “And I told you that wasn’t enough. So talk to me, tell me why I can’t help you anymore. Tell me why you asked me to sleep with you all of a sudden! Tell me why you’ve been so weird about this whole situation from the beginning!”

“Because I need you!”

You don't know when your voice gained enough power to come out as a yell, shrill and pained. But once it does, the dam breaks. You know you are helpless to stop it.

“I need you, and it scares me, Juju. You’re my best friend and I love you and need you in ways that you don’t need me. You provide me with everything and I’m just here as your best friend. I’m the friend you don’t even bring around much and the friend you don’t let anyone talk to! You make it so clear that you don’t need me and yet, here I am, living off you like some parasite.

“I love you, Euijoo. I’m in love with you. And knowing that you don’t love me back is one thing. But for you to take my love for you and throw it in my face as just another one of my vulnerabilities is cruel. You ask why I don’t let you in, and this is why. If I do, I’ll just tell you how I feel and you’ll pity me like you do now.”

Lightning strikes across Euijoo’s face as he listens, expression slowly twisting in pain. It’s a flash of a million emotions at once. Surprise, hurt, disbelief, and then it all mellows out into a calm nothingness.

“Have you only felt this way since the fire?”

You fight the urge to scream at the top of your lungs. “No. I’ve felt this way since forever, maybe.”

“Are you sure?” The man’s eyes reflect the light in the room, glossed over and twinkling with the first hints of unshed tears.

“You know what’s funny,” you bite out. “When I lost everything, there was only one thing that remained constant in my life, even through the fire.”

“Me?”

“My feelings for you.”

Euijoo sucks in an audible breath, shaky and laborious. It’s as if the confession finally sunk into his consciousness, as if he finally understood exactly what you meant when you said you loved him. His shoulders immediately sag in relief as the first few tears begin to trail down his cheeks. Despite the tears, he can’t help but smile.

“Y/N, I’ve been in love with you since we were eleven.”

“What?”

Euijoo just chuckles, sniffling twice before continuing. “I thought that you knew and that’s why you were shutting me out! And then when you just asked if I would sleep with you, I thought you were just rubbing it in my face. Either that or you were just emotionally a mess and needed some support.”

“Well, I am,” you respond with a watery smile. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you, too.”

Euijoo slowly approaches your tense figure, as if not to spook you. Even his hand movements are subtle as they reach for your dry hands. With just a small tug, you find yourself stumbling forward, far into Euijoo’s space. The height difference is enough to force you to crane your neck upwards to make eye contact, not surprised to see the man already smiling down at you.

Tears continue to stream down Euijoo’s face, the wetness dripping from the tip of his nose down to the floor. You know you probably look similar, despite having tried your hardest to fight back tears from the beginning. It’s no use now. Your walls have already come crashing down.

“I love you,” Euijoo whispers, as if sharing a secret not meant to escape your own personal bubble. “I always have, and I think I always will.”

You release a shaky breath, body trembling in Euijoo’s hold. “I love you, too.”

“Can I…?” Euijoo doesn’t finish his question, eyes simply darting down to your lips before meeting your gaze once again.

All it takes is a slow nod before a hand is wrapping around your waist, pulling you in closer and closer until—

When you were twelve, you had your first kiss. It was nothing more than a simple peck, shared on the back of the school bus on a school field trip. You remember the way your heart fluttered back then, palms clammy and body vibrating with nerves. You felt kind of gross afterwards, but giddy nonetheless.

When you told Euijoo later that day, he looked shocked. He floundered for a moment as he stood in place, frozen on their walk home from school. You remember lightly punching his shoulder, asking him what his deal was. It seemed to be enough to shock him out of his stupor, only snapping back to attention to say:

“That was your first kiss. They always say that’s the one you’re going to remember forever.”

Euijoo was wrong. If there’s one kiss that you will remember forever, it’s this one, with Euijoo’s large hands spanning the circumference of your waist. It’s this one, with Euijoo’s plush yet slightly chapped lips grazing yours. It’s this one, with the salt of tears mixing in with the taste of each others’ mouths. It’s this one, with Euijoo.

When the two of you part, Euijoo presses his forehead to yours, allowing your breaths to mingle as you pant. You can’t seem to quite open your eyes yet, simply basking in the sensation of Euijoo taking over all of your senses. You relish in the sound of his labored breathing. You love the warmth of his palms through the thin t-shirt you’re wearing.

PARK JONGSEONG

he’s quiet. he already was before, much more now when he found out. 

jay was never really a talkative person to people who weren’t his friends. but he has always felt comfortable with you, talking about his days and anything he’s thinking about.

that was what brought you to like him. at first, you thought that he was quite intimidating and would be really hard to talk to. but since he was your brother’s best friend, jay had warmed up to you from the countless visits he’s paid to your house.

you’d realize his abrupt silence towards you. you thought he was avoiding you, thinking you’ve said something wrong to him. 

however, the only reason he’s gone silent was because he was scared you’d find out he likes you back. his heartbeat speeding like crazy when you put your face so close to his in attempt to make him break character and start talking to you again.

of course, you won and he ended up mumbling nonsense to you while hiding his face afraid it was going to turn red if he continued to see your pretty face so up close.

“stop doing that… you look too pretty”

SIM JAEYUN

“i like you too”

the absolute worst at keeping secrets so the moment he finds out he’s just going to have this dazed look. he was in love with you. that much, all of his friends knew, except for heeseung of course. 

you didn’t even know of jake’s existence until you were waiting for your brother to pick you up and he was there in the passenger seat. he and your brother talked a lot and you just tuned them out. 

what you didn’t expect was for him to turn around and talk to you. you thought he was about to ask the basics; your name, age, whatever. however, jake started including you in their conversation. asking for your opinions about something they were talking about.

since then, you’ve always liked whenever jake would hang out with your brother. knowing that he would ask if you wanted to join them every single time. he was so sweet and caring, and really good looking. how could’ve you not fallen for him?

so when you and jake were left in the ice cream parlor as your brother went to the bathroom. jake was observing your rigid figure. your eyes trained on your phone for dear life, scrolling up and down your contact list just to avoid awkwardness.

that’s when jake said it, gazing at you with a soft smile, “i like you too, you know?”

PARK SUNGHOON

you knew sunghoon purely from gossip. everyone had different opinions about him, most including the words ‘cold’ and ‘quiet’. you’ve only ever seen him whenever he had to receive trophies from the principal for winning competitions.

you were an average student. your grades were’t horrible, but they weren’t stellar either. so imagine your surprise when you got paired up with sunghoon for an end of year project worth 60% of your grades.

truthfully, you were scared of him for a while. thinking he would be strict with schedule and meetups. sunghoon however proved you wrong when he started chatting you first asking when you were free to do the work and not minding the place of meetup. 

you worked with him for 3 months until the project was finally complete and perfect. during those times, you both had met up plenty of times each time getting to know the other more by exchanging stories.

sunghoon found out when he forgot to take his bag in the class and overheard your friend convincing you to confess. you sat slumped across her, your hand on your head.

sunghoon was just battling himself at this point. he harbored feelings for you that he’s been denying for months. he’s known you for way longer than you thought. having his eye on you way before the fated project pairing. 

he took an interest in you, finding it fun to observe you in silence and trying to come up with a way to approach you.

however, all of it went down the drain when he found out your brother, jake, is quite well known to be protective. and what’s worse is that he knew your brother, not personally but well acquainted enough.

sunghoon didn’t really know how to express the feelings he had for you. even after hearing you confess, basically. so he attempted to do it without words. listing all the things you liked and disliked in his head for future reference.

“you said you were craving ice cream” showing up at your doorstep, his body soaking wet from the rain, panting. but the plastic bag he grasped tightly was completely dry, filled with much more snacks than you would ever need.

KIM SUNOO

“wasn’t it obvious?”

you knew sunoo was a very cheerful and chatty person. it wasn’t weird that you two had become well acquainted despite him being your brother’s best friend. 

he was a really friendly person which drove you to become comfortable talking to him, even if your brother wasn’t around. his kindness and concern for you made you take an immediate liking to him.

you knew however that that was sunoo’s nature so you really didn’t have your hopes up. labeling anything he does as just him being his own friendly self. it took sunoo quite a while to figure out you liked him. 

almost immediately after finding out sunoo’s chattiness towards you grew tenfold. meanwhile, you were trying to avoid him. 

sunoo caught on and one day stopped by your apartment unexpectedly, “i thought you liked me” he says with a faux pout.

at first you were scared he didn’t like you back but rest assured, he gave you the biggest hug and peppered kisses all over your face right after. 

“you’re adorable when you’re flustered”

YANG JUNGWON

“i don’t want you to walk home alone”

you barely knew jungwon. yet from how he acted towards others, you’ve always looked up to him.

he was entirely selfless and loved helping people.

the lines between fascination and like quickly blurred when you were the one being his object of affection.

because jungwon and your brother became close friends, jungwon took it upon himself to take care of you too. meaning, when your brother wasn’t there, jungwon was.

somewhere between all the after-school hangouts and him taking you out to watch movies together, the mere closeness of jungwon made your head dizzy.

he always hugged you alot, it was all friendly. but now his smell overtakes your senses, his warmth circling every inch of your body.

and by the time you tried to distance from him, he never let you out of his sight. 

when you refused to let him drive you back home and would rather wait for the rain to stop, jungwon went and sat there with you, draping his jacket around your figure.

“i’m waiting here with you” he says smiling so sweetly, those dimples in view. his hand went to pat your head and you unconsciously leaned to his touch.

NISHIMURA RIKI

riki was your own best friend along with your brother’s. when you two first met, you both immediately clicked, much to your brother’s dismay.

he had always liked you a bit more than your brother, teasing you yet giving you everything you want. 

put simply, he’s wrapped around your finger. you just didn’t know that.

any smart person can see that he’s head over heels. i mean, who would willingly run to your house in the middle of the night just because you said you were hungry other than riki?

you usually went out with your brother, though the begging would take somewhere within half an hour, but you won most of the time nonetheless.

however, with riki, you had just shot him a short text that seriously didn’t mean as much. only a small ‘i’m kinda hungry’ and you find him outside your door minutes later, holding his car keys.

you both end up in a 24 hour convenience store at midnight, slurping up warm ramen together. 

when someone opened the door and the wind from outside hits your face, you didn’t expect riki to hold your hair back as you continued chewing. 

you might be weak willed here, but after that day he kept bringing a hair tie on his wrist. specifically on days you two would hang out and with much denial, you knew you had feelings for him.

not to worry though, because he’s been in love with you for the longest time. 

you just couldn’t catch the gaze he had when he held your hair, or the smile he has when you cracked an unfunny joke.

profiles. playlist.

Evidence collected.

001. rodents. loose rodents.

002. lab experience?

003. NO GIRLFRIEND!

005. totally lost. on a rooftop.

006. an actual cinematic problem.

007. spidey saves the day!

008. slick spider, clumsy cat.

009. one girlfriend?

010. a terrible secret…

011. that’s a wrap, idiots.

-‘๑’- return to music box. ➔ masterlist.