writing my feelings

I lied to you.

I lied to myself.

I liked you more than I even realized.

I was hesitant to compliment you or look at you a second too long;

I didn’t want to seem predatory.

But something about us was different,

you knew it too.

And it only took me until the friendship was over to realize.

I guess I was afraid.

You spoke as we would be friends forever;

I’d be your bridesmaid, and play with your kids.

Only, I didn’t want to be your bridesmaid.

I didn’t want to see you with someone else.

Every time you liked someone,

A burning jealousy raged inside of me.

You asked what was wrong

but I couldn’t answer,

I told you they weren’t good enough for you.

In my head,

no one could ever be good enough for you.

and it seems i disappear just as quick as i arrive.

like a tornado,

i flip people’s lives upside down

and leave them in the wreckage,

unsure of where the past 2 years left them.

feelings so strong and intense at first,

abruptly turn to nothingness;

a pair of matching tattoos and a broken heart later.

only, the broken heart isn’t mine.

i never understood love,

why love someone who is under no oath to be loyal to you?

you told me you loved me,

and i said it back; not because i felt it

but because i knew i should.