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the sun was starting to dip low, casting this warm, golden glow over the water — the kind of light that made everything look softer. i sat straddling my board just past the break, watching y/n stand on the shoreline, looking completely unsure about this whole thing. the wind played with her hair, and she had that little furrow between her brows she always got when she was overthinking.
“you coming or what?” i called out, grinning when her eyes snapped to me.
“this is a terrible idea” she shouted back, but i could hear the laughter in her voice.
“c’mon, I promise I won’t let you drown”
she rolled her eyes but stepped forward anyway, wading into the water. brave. she was always braver than she gave herself credit for. i watched as the waves lapped around her legs and then her waist, and when she finally reached me, I offered my hand to help her onto the board. she took it without hesitation — that was another thing i loved about her. she trusted me, even when she probably shouldn’t.
“okay,” I said as she awkwardly climbed onto the board, already wobbling. “find your balance. knees bent, weight centered. you got this.”
“i absolutely do not got this,” she muttered. I bit back a smile.
she tried anyway, though, and damn if I wasn’t proud of her for that. the board dipped and shifted beneath her, and her arms flailed out as she tried to steady herself. i should’ve been focused on teaching, but honestly? It was hard not to just watch her — her determination, the way her face lit up when she almost got it right, the laughter that spilled out every time she didn’t.
“you’re doing great,” I told her, fully aware that was a lie.
she shot me a glare, and I finally cracked, laughing. “okay, maybe not great. but you’re trying, that’s gotta count for something.”
“if I fall—” she started, and right then, the wave hit.
the board tipped. she didn’t even have time to finish her sentence before she went right over the side with a splash.
i lost it. couldn’t help it. the sight of her popping back up, sputtering and pushing her hair out of her face, was too much.
before i even thought about it, i dove off my board and into the water. it was instinct — like my body just knew I needed to be closer to her.
“what are you doing?” she asked when I surfaced beside her, eyes wide and bright.
“coming to save you,” I teased.
“i don’t need saving!”
“too late.” I didn’t give her a chance to argue — just reached for her waist, steadying her as the waves rocked us gently together. she held onto my shoulders, and suddenly we were so close, I could feel her breath on my skin.
the laughter faded into something softer, something quieter. the water wrapped around us, and the sun painted her face in gold.
“You know,” I murmured, “you’re not half bad.”
she raised a brow, her mouth twitching. “i’m terrible.”
“maybe,” I admitted, smiling. “but it’s nothing i can’t fix.”
for a second, I thought about kissing her. the air between us felt different — heavy and light all at once — and her arms were still around my shoulders, her skin warm against mine. i wondered if she could hear how fast my heart was beating.
but then the moment broke — because I’m an idiot. and because I can never resist making her laugh.
so I splashed her right in the face.
“chris!” she shrieked, sputtering, and then she was splashing me right back, laughing so hard she could barely keep her head above water.
and man, if i hadn’t fallen for her already then i definitely have now.
𓇼 dominic fike
the road stretched out ahead of us, empty and quiet. the windows were down, warm air rushing in, and the only sound—besides the hum of the tires on the asphalt—was dominic fike blasting through the speakers.
y/n was singing. if you could call it that.
“—ohhh the way she used to dance when the music turned down” she crooned dramatically, her head tilted back against the seat, eyes closed like she was really feeling it. completely off key.
i bit back a grin, watching her out of the corner of my eye.
“—and the place she’d take your hands just to pull her shirt down” i joined in, equally terrible, and she cracked up instantly.
we kept going, louder and more ridiculous with every line. she pointed at me during the chorus like she was on stage, and I played along, drumming on the steering wheel and shaking my head like an idiot
when the laughter finally died down, the music shifted into something slower. 4x4 started playing, and she hummed along softly, her hair whipping around her face in the breeze. when she tucked her legs up on the seat and rested her chin on her knees, something in my chest twisted.
i looked over at her—really looked—and it hit me so fast it almost knocked the air out of my lungs.
i was actually serious about her.
not in that casual way I’d been pretending it was. no—this was something else. something more. it was the way she made everything feel lighter. the way she could make me laugh until my face hurt. the way she sang every song like she didn’t care how bad she sounded.
it was the way she looked right then, windblown and glowing and so completely herself.
“you’re staring,” she said, not even looking at me, her voice soft but teasing.
i smiled, turning my head back to the road. “maybe.”
that got her attention. she turned her head, “what?” she asked, quieter now.
for a second, i almost told her. almost spilled every thought right there.
but instead, i just smiled, letting the moment hang between us. “you’ve got terrible pitch,” I said.
she gasped, her hand flying to her chest in mock offense. “how dare you”
and just like that, she was laughing again — and so was I, even as my heart kept racing.
because now I knew. and I didn’t think I’d ever be able to un-know it. i was completely wrapped around her finger.
𓇼 car chase?
the movie was halfway through, but I couldn’t tell you a single thing that was happening. something with explosions — maybe a car chase? i wasn’t really paying attention.
y/n’s head rested on my chest, her fingers tracing lazy patterns on my arm. the soft weight of her against me, the warmth of her body under the blanket we were sharing — it was all I could focus on. every time she shifted, just a little, I felt my heart skip. every time she laughed at something on the screen, i smiled, even if I had no idea what was so funny.
her hair tickled my chin when she tilted her face up toward me. “you’re not even watching,” she accused softly, a teasing smile playing at her lips.
i tightened my arm around her, grinning. “sure I am. there’s… a car chase?”
she snorted, turning back to the screen. “that ended like ten minutes ago.”
“right.”
she didn’t call me out on it, just nestled closer, and my heart wasn’t built to handle that. the scent of her shampoo, the warmth of her breath against my neck — it was all too much and not enough at the same time.
for a while, we just stayed like that. the room was dim, the flicker of the tv casting soft shadows, and the sound of the movie faded into the background. i felt her relax more and more, her breathing slowing, her hand eventually going still on my arm.
“you falling asleep on me?” i whispered.
she hummed in response, not quite awake but not fully gone either. “mmm… you’re comfy.”
and just like that, I was done for. hopelessly done for.
i pressed a kiss to the top of her head without even thinking. it felt natural — like something I’d been wanting to do for a while. when she didn’t pull away, I let myself linger there, breathing her in.
“chris” she mumbled, her voice thick with sleep.
“yeah?”
she didn’t say anything right away — just shifted closer, her fingers brushing against mine under the blanket until they tangled together.
“this is nice”
i smiled, my chest feeling full. “yeah,” i agreed softly. “It is.”
the movie kept playing, but i didn’t care. i had everything i wanted right here.
. ܁₊ hiiiiii babies
these are some small fillers for the story !!! they will link up to the chapters coming up— ik we’ve been slacking but trust the grind is coming again and u r not ready
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the sky had turned a deep purple by the time we made it back home, the stars spilling out like scattered salt against the dark. the air was cooler now, the breeze soft as i watched it tug at y/n’s hair, and the sound of the waves was steady — a lullaby I hadn’t realized I needed.
i glanced at her as we walked, her sandals dangling from her fingers, the soft hum of her laughter still echoing in my head from earlier. the way she’d looked at me when I caught her —wide-eyed and breathless. I hadn’t been able to shake it. and that kiss.. i wasn’t about to shake that feeling either.
“you okay?” her voice was gentle, breaking me from my thoughts. she was watching me with that quiet curiosity she always had, and I felt that same warm pull toward her I’d been fighting since i met her.
“yeah,” I said, smiling softly. it was a simple answer, but i was true. i was okay. perfectly okay.
we reached the hammock strung up between two old palm trees — the one I’d set up when I needed to get away from everything at home. she eyed it, tilting her head. “you come out here a lot?”
“yeah,” I admitted, rubbing the back of my neck. “it’s… peaceful.”
she didn’t push, just nodded and climbed into the hammock, her movements careful and a little wobbly. “c’mon, show me how the pro does it.”
i laughed, slipping in next to her. it wasn’t exactly spacious, and we ended up pressed close — her head resting on my chest, the scent of sunscreen and salt in her hair. my arm found its way around her waist without thinking, and I felt her relax into me, her fingers brushing lightly against my hand.
we didn’t talk much after that. the rhythm of the ocean and the warmth of her next to me made it hard to do anything but just… breathe. and maybe for the first time in a long time, I felt like I could.
before I knew it, my eyelids got heavy, and the last thing I remembered was the steady rise and fall of her breathing, matching mine.
—
the first thing I noticed when I woke up was the warmth.
not the sun, not the breeze — her.
y/n was still tucked against me, her head resting lightly on my chest, and for the first time in what felt like forever, i didn’t wake up feeling that familiar ache — that weight in my chest that never really seemed to leave. instead, there was this soft, steady rhythm — her breathing, her warmth, the scent of something I was starting to think was just her.
my arm was still wrapped around her waist, and i tightened it just a little, not ready to let this moment slip away yet. the waves crashed in the distance, and the world felt far away — quiet and peaceful in a way I hadn’t grown to know until now.
but of course, peace never seemed to last long.
“wow, Y/N, your parents really don’t care about you that much to let you sleep out here with some guy?”
the words hit like a cold splash of water.
y/n flinched against me, her body going rigid, and before I was even fully awake, I was already pissed. my eyes snapped open, locking onto the girl standing a few feet away with her arms crossed and that smug little smirk twisting her face.
I didn’t know her, but I knew the type — the ones who said shit just to see how deep they could cut.
y/n sat up quickly, her face flushed and her eyes wide. “it’s not—” she started, but her voice faltered, and I could see the way the words had hit her.
“hey,” I snapped, my voice low and sharp. “why don’t you mind your own business?”
the girl raised an eyebrow, clearly not expecting me to push back. “relax, it was just a joke—”
“yeah? i didn’t laugh. maybe you should just fuck off.” my tone left no room for argument, and after a beat, she rolled her eyes and did exactly that.
the second she was gone, y/n sagged beside me, her fingers twisting in the hem of her shirt. “sorry,” she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper.
“hey, no.” I shifted so I could face her, my hand brushing against her arm. “you don’t have anything to apologize or explain for.”
“i shouldn’t have fallen asleep,” she said, her eyes still fixed on the sand.
“well, I’m glad you did.” the words slipped out before I could stop them, but I didn’t regret them for once. “it’s the best sleep i’ve had in a long time.”
her eyes flicked up to meet mine, surprised. I didn’t say anything else — didn’t tell her how my house felt too quiet now, how the emptiness sat heavy on my chest most nights. how I hadn’t felt this kind of calm in a long while.
but I think she saw some of it anyway because her hand slid into mine, her fingers warm and steady. “me too,” she whispered.
and that? that was enough.
we sat there in silence for a while — the good kind of silence. the kind that didn’t feel heavy or awkward, but soft and easy. the sound of the waves filled the space between us, and every so often, the wind would catch her hair and brush it against my cheek, and I didn’t mind one bit.
eventually, she shifted, leaning her head back on my shoulder, and I tightened my arm around her waist again. i didn’t even think about it — it was instinct at this point, like she fit there.
“chris?” she asked after a long while, her voice soft. she hesitated, and when she finally spoke again, her voice was even quieter. “why do you… come out here a lot?”
i swallowed, knowing where the question was coming from. the hammock. the stillness of the house we’d left behind. the way I clung to this beach like it was the only thing keeping me from drifting away.
“it’s… easier out here.” i said finally.
her fingers brushed against mine again, and the simple touch felt like an anchor. “easier?” she asked gently.
I didn’t answer right away. Instead, I let my eyes drift out to the waves, watching the way they rolled in and out — constant and steady in a way life hadn’t felt in a long time.
“yeah,” I said at last. “home… hasn’t felt much like home lately.”
y/n didn’t press me for more, and I was grateful for that. she just shifted a little closer, resting her head against my shoulder again, and somehow, that simple gesture made it known she knew exactly what i’d meant.
“you ever think about leaving?” she asked after a while, her voice so quiet I almost wasn’t sure she’d said it.
“all the time,” I admitted. “but… I don’t know. there’s this part of me that feels like if I leave, i’m giving up on something I’m supposed to fix. like maybe if I just stay a little longer, things will go back to the way they were.”
she was quiet for a long moment. “do you think they will?”
i didn’t answer, because we both knew the truth.
the waves kept crashing, and the weight of everything I hadn’t said pressed against my chest — until her fingers squeezed mine, gentle and sure.
“i’m glad you stayed,” she whispered.
and just like that, the weight eased a little.
I tilted my head down to look at her, brushing a stray lock of hair away from her face. “me too,” I murmured.
the sun had dipped lower in the sky, casting everything in shades of soft gold and deep blue. and even though the world outside this little moment felt too big and too broken, here — with her — it felt okay.
“chris?” she asked again, her voice drowsy now. her fingers tightened around mine just a little. “you’re… really warm.”
i smiled, “you’re not so cool yourself.”
she hummed softly in response, already half-asleep again. and as the wind rocked the hammock and the waves kept their steady rhythm, i let my eyes drift shut, too.
maybe the world wasn’t fixed. maybe I wasn’t either.
the car hummed softly as we cruised along the coast, the scent of chris’ cologne and sunscreen lingering in the air. my windows down- allowing my hair to be engulfed by the wind, tousled like waves breaking against the shore.
i sneak a glance at chris in the passenger seat, only to be met with his eyes already on mine. “so where are we headed next y/n!”
i kindly smile back, “well i’ve already shown you everywhere you need to see… do you have any ideas?”
his fingers drummed lightly on the dashboard, mimicking the same rhythm as my heartbeat, as he stopped to find something for us to do. he could’ve easily asked for me to take him home, but no, he actually wanted to spend more time with me.
suddenly his fingers come to a halt and he looks back at me, his warm gaze washing over me. “have you ever been longboarding?”
“long boarding? i don’t think so” “go back to my house, we’ll grab my board and i’ll show you”
i began to drive back to his house, the road feeling familiar despite the fact i’ve never actually driven there. something about chris just felt different. warm. inviting.
as we approached his house, the first thing i noticed was how quiet it all felt. the stillness and lack of life surrounding his house was hard to ignore, he wasn’t kidding when you could really feel the change in the air after his dad left. i was snapped out of my trance of observation, as chris hopped back into the passenger seat with his board and i began driving back to my spot on the beach.
upon our arrival to the beach, the golden glow of the setting sun spilled over the sand, casting soft, rippling patterns like light dancing on the ocean’s surface. the breeze outside the car was thick with the scent of sea salt and something sweeter—the unspoken pull between us.
“okay.. so how exaclty do you do this?” i say gesturing to the longboard in his hand. the board didn’t have the most unique look to it, other than the marks of usage, it was basic. most of the people on the shore had elaborate long board, ranging from different colors and designs. but chris, chris’ was simple.
“it’s easy really, you literally just place your feet like this and push off. it’s all about balance and trust in yourself” i take in his instructions briefly, “it’s really just that? seems simple” “well that’s what is is for beginners, once you get pro like me you can do all sorts of things” he says laughing while showing off some tricks. “you trying to impress or something?” “maybe.. is it working?” he says flashing me a smile and wink.
as the night went on and the sun finally set, casting a wave of darkness over us— the only thing illuminating us being street lamps. “chris! i’m never gonna be able to do this” i yell giggling as i fall for my 17th time.
“here let’s try something new” he says approaching me and placing the longboard back on the road. he reaches his hand out, allowing my to grab it and get back on my feet. his helps me onto the board, his hand still attached to mine.
i lose my balance briefly making my body fall into chris’. “careful there” he says catching me and placing me back onto the board. before i could realize, he places his hands on my hips in order to hold my balance.
his hands rested on my waist, light as sea foam but steady as the tide, serving as a promise that he wouldn’t let me fall. the warmth of his touch sent a ripple through my skin, like the rush of the cold water in the heat.
he leaned in slightly, his voice low and steady as he guided me down the road. “just trust the motion. trust me” he says looking deeply into my eyes. i look back at him through my eyelashes, subtly nodding. with a deep breath, he slowly let go— the warmth of his hands still burning into my skin despite the absence of them. “chris! i’m doing it!!!” i exclaim as i roll down the road like small waves
“there you go!” chris shouts back. for a moment i feel weightless, gliding as smoothly as a tide rolling to shore. in that moment, nothing mattered other than me, chris, and the ocean. i could feel his gaze burning into the back of my head, so i turn back around to meet his gaze with mine. the feeling of buoyancy continued, until it didn’t. before i knew it i was losing my balance as the road suddenly became downhill.
“chris omg!” i shout as i see him run towards me with urgency, the board accelerating. i look towards the road, hoping not to crash too badly, as i feel chris hands around my waist again; however, the speed of the board won against him, making us both fall to the ground.
“holy shit are you okay?” i hear him say in a panic. i roll over onto my side, only to be greeted with his panicked face. without thinking i burst out giggling, inviting chris to laugh along. “guess i need some more lessons” i say wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes as we both got up.
just as the laughter died, the only noise left was the ocean and the sound of us catching our breaths— our pulses still racing from the fall, or maybe it was from the way chris’ hand creeped back onto my waist. but this time it was different, his fingers barely pressed into my skin, as if he was testing the gravity between us.
the ocean breeze curled around us, salty and warm, but all i could feel was the heat of him, so close, so steady. “you okay?” he murmured, his voice softer now, his thumb brushing a stray grain of sand from my cheek.
i nodded, but neither of us moved away. the world around us felt distant, the crash of the waves, the hum of the pavement—everything fading into the quiet pull between us. my eyes flickered from his eyes down to his lips, and for a second, they hovered there, balanced on the edge like the crest of a wave just before it breaks.
just then, as if pulled by an unseen wind, chris leaned in. and this time i let myself fall— this time not onto the ground, but into him.
his hand snuck around my waist again— i could feel the quiet strength in his fingers, the way they lingered—not just to support, but to savor, as if memorizing the feeling of me beneath his touch, like waves etching secrets into the shore.
the kiss was soft at first— gentle, hesitant, almost teasing the between us. but then as i gave into into him, my hands went to grip his shirt as if i were anchoring myself, and he deepened it, the warmth of his lips sending a slow, electric current through my veins.
the world around us faded—the pavement beneath us, the salty wind in our hair, the lingering sting of my fall—none of it mattered. the only thing that mattered was us, the way he tasted like summer and sea air, the way he held me like i was something precious, something he never wanted to let go of. in that moment, I knew. had been falling long before I ever hit the ground.
𓈒ㅤׂㅤ⭒ sorry for the delay on this chapter guys! monumental stuff in this one, hope you all love it as much as we do! <33
the sun hadn’t fully risen when I woke up, but I was already wide awake. my mind hadn’t really let me sleep much anyway— not when it kept circling back to y/n
i stretched, my body still heavy from exhaustion, but there was this energy running through me. anticipation maybe, or nerves. i didn’t really get nervous around people. but then again, I didn’t really meet people like her.
the house was still quiet when I padded downstairs. matt was still passed out— no surprise there. the aftermath of his usual chaos was all over the living room: an empty bottle, random wrappers, someone’s sunglasses on the floor. i stepped over it all and grabbed some water, my eyes flicking to my phone every few seconds. i didn’t know when she’d text, but I kept hoping she would soon.
i’m outside, hope ur ready for an adventure: @y/n.y/ln
@chrissturniolo: comin miss lady
my chest did this weird little flip. i got up, brushing my hands on my jeans before heading toward the front door. and when I opened it, there she was.
she was leaning against the side of her car, her arms crossed loosely, the wind tugging at her hair. she was smiling when she saw me, and damn if it didn’t knock the breath out of me just a little.
she grinned. “c’mon, let’s go. I promised you a proper tour.”
The drive was quiet at first, but not uncomfortable. she quietly hummed along to the music playing low through the speakers, her fingers tapping out a rhythm on the steering wheel. I watched the way the light caught on her profile, how peaceful she looked— like she belonged wrapped up in sun and sea air.
the ‘tour’ started with a beach I hadn’t seen before — quieter than the one from last night. The sand was soft and cool under our feet as we walked along the shoreline, the waves brushing close.
“this is my favorite spot,” she said softly, her eyes fixed on the horizon. “when everything gets too…loud, this is where I go.”
i understood that feeling all too well. “it’s peaceful,” i said, my voice low. “i like it.”
she glanced over at me, something gentle in her expression. “I figured you might.”
from there, she took me to a little café tucked into a side street, the kind of place you wouldn’t know existed unless someone showed you. we sat outside with a couple drinks and a smoothie each, the conversation flowed just like it had the night before — easy, unforced.
at one point, she was telling me a story about when she was a kid, something about getting lost in a tide pool, and I was just…watching her. the way she talked with her hands, the way her eyes lit up when she laughed.
It scared me how invested i was. how much i enjoyed these stupid conversations. how much i knew id miss this the minute i got home.
we ended up back on the beach later, walking again. the sun was higher in the sky now, warming the sand as we walked along the shore. the waves kept brushing against the sand, tugging at it before slipping away again — kind of like how I felt right then. always halfway between wanting to stay and wanting to pull back.
y/n walked a few steps ahead of me, arms stretched out like she was balancing on some invisible line. the wind pulled at her hair, sending strands of it across her face, and she didn’t even seem to notice. she was so…at ease. like this her place, right here at the beach.
“you’re quiet,” she said, glancing back at me over her shoulder.
“yeah,” I admitted, kicking at a piece of driftwood in the sand. “just…thinking.”
“about what?”
I hesitated. about her. about how this felt so easy, about how the longer I stayed close to her, the more I wanted to — and how worrying that was. but I couldn’t say that.“about how weird this is,” I said.
she raised an eyebrow. “weird?” “not in a bad way,” I added quickly, seeing the flicker of something cross her face. “just… I don’t usually do this.”
“do what”
“let people in.” my voice quiet enough that the sound of the waves almost swallowed it up. for a second, she didn’t say anything. and when she did, her voice was softer than before. “well… I’m glad you did.” the words sat between us, and I wanted to believe them — I really did. but part of me couldn’t help waiting for the other shoe to drop.
i kept walking, letting the silence stretch out, until I felt her hand brush against mine. and before I could think too much about it, she laced her fingers through mine.
It was such a simple thing — small and easy, but it still made my chest tighten. I tried not to pull away. I really did. but it happened almost before I realized it, my fingers slipping out of hers as I pretended to adjust the sleeve of my hoodie.
y/n didn’t say anything about it, didn’t even seem to notice — not really. she just gave me a small smile and kept walking, her eyes flicking back toward the waves.
but I noticed. and I hated the way it made me feel. “sorry,” I said after a beat, my voice awkward and rough. “i— i just…”
“it’s okay,” she cut in easily, like it really didn’t bother her. “don’t worry about it.” and maybe that should’ve made me feel better. but it didn’t. because if I couldn’t even hold her hand without feeling like I was gonna drown, what the hell was I doing here?
still, she didn’t bring it up again. and by the time we made it back to her car, she was laughing at something I’d said, and everything felt light again.
but in the back of my mind, that moment stuck — like a quiet warning I wasn’t ready to listen to yet.
last night we were cooooking w ideas for remember everything guys u don’t understand it’s ab to get crazy
as my feet dragged along the cold sand, the only thing my mind focused on was him. the way the bonfire glow reflected onto his fair skin, the way he squinted his eyes whenever he laughed, the way he fiddled with his untouched drink, the way he looked at me tonight.
when i finally arrive back home, im greeted with nothing but uncomfortable silence and the slight hum of the air conditioning. i check my phone. 1:43 am. i let out a deep sigh as an attempt to break the silence. no messages, no missed calls, no greeting at the door. a part of me wished my parents would’ve shown some signs of worry of where i was, but i knew they wouldn’t- they never do
after taking a shower, i lay on my bed- the warm sheets almost replicating the feeling of chris’ presence. it’s a poor substitute but i let myself sink into the illusion that we are still together, walking along the shoreline.
i grab my phone without thinking- my mind working on autopilot as i pull up his instagram. I convince myself that i’m just checking, just taking a brief look, but before i realize it im scrolling. I can’t help myself, i’ve never been so invested in a person before- let alone a boy. I catch myself smiling as i tap through his highlights, seeing photos of him and his brothers, various sceneries, snapshots of his life.
before i know it, im in too deep. rewatching his highlights for what feels like forever. suddenly a wave of confidence rushes over me, i swipe to open my dms and type in his username. the words “hi there” are on my screen, my thumb hovering over the send. what if he didn’t want to talk this late. what if he wasn’t even up. what if matt or nick said something about me. my inner thoughts and anxiety take over distracting me from noticing i sent the message. fuck
y/n and chris dm’s
hi there: @y/n.y/n/l/n
@chrissturniolo: what’s up
couldn’t sleep lol plus i missed you :@y/n.y/n/l/n
@chrissturniolo: missing me already y/n? and you think i’m the bold one
@chrissturniolo: anyways, you trynna do something tomorrow?
send me your address. i’ll meet you tomorrow morning, i’ll show you around the shore. :@y/n.y/n/l/n
suddenly the silence in my room didn’t feel so heavy, i couldn’t wait to see chris again. i couldn’t figure out why i was so drawn to him, his presence- why the thought of being around him made my chest feel lighter, like i could finally be my full authentic self.
i stayed there in my bed, lying on my side as i tried to answer the big question in my mind. why was talking to him so easy? i had known all the guys down here at the shore for years, i’d grown up with them , yet when it came down to it, every conversation felt forced, like i was caught in a riptide unable to keep up.
maybe it was the way his initial demeanor was reserved, like he was someone worth uncovering. or maybe it was the way his voice was welcoming, steady like the waves lapping against the sand reminding me to stay grounded while everything else had drifted away.
although we’d only known each other for a short period of time, our conversations were some of the best i’d had in a while. our words flowed effortlessly, as if we were currents pulling each other back to shore. With Chris, i didn’t have to second guess what i was about to say, never had to hold my breath, or pretend to act like i cared about what he was saying. He made the space around us feel open- like the sea stretching far beyond the horizon, leaving more to be discovered- both unknown and thrilling.
i roll over onto my other side, allowing the warmth of my blankets swallow me, a small smile tugging on my lips. Tomorrow, i’d get to see him again. I close my eyes as the thought of him washes over me, providing more warmth than i already had.
ᝰ hey luvs! i hope we are all enjoying remember everything so far
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on the walk off the beach and back home it was quiet. not an awkward silence, just quiet. matt made a few attempts at asking about y/n but i kept my answers short, he ended up getting annoyed and leaving me alone. he often complains about how shut off i always was and i can’t do anything but agree, it’s true.
the house was dark when we walked in, the kind of dark that settles into your chest. it felt as if everyone was holding their breath, it had since dad left. almost like we were still awaiting his return, although i think everyone knew it wasn’t coming as much as we wanted it to.
matt stumbled ahead of me mumbling something about getting water then heading over to the couch. i didn’t really hear whatever it was he said, my mind was still on the beach.
on her.
the second i got upstairs and shut my door, the emptiness hit me. it always did when i ended up alone. i usually enjoyed it, and normally id’ve found it peaceful, using it as an escape from everything. but it felt heavy this time. really fucking heavy.
the faint sound of the ocean still echoed in my ears, blending with the memory of her laugh. it wasn’t just the sound— it was the way it made me feel. comfortable. and that scared me, almost as much as it made me want to feel it even more.
but that was the problem, wasn’t it? wanting more. i never let myself want things like that anymore. not since he left.
it still didn’t make sense, even after all this time i spent most of my nights wondering why he did it. my parents were in love- the kind of love people talk about like it’s rare. we were happy, really happy. so i thought. and then one day he just packed up and left. no warning. no real explanation. just gone.
the fallout for the rest of us was horrible. mom pretended nothing happened, like she was better off that way, as if denial would magically heal her. matt and nick turned to parties, more importantly alcohol. and my older brother got angry— he still is angry most of the time. but me? i didn’t know how to handle it.
how do you trust anyone to stay when the one person who was never supposed to leave walks out and doesn’t look back?
it left me with this ache. this constant fear that everyone I cared about would eventually decide I wasn’t enough to stay for. it made it hard to let people in, hard to believe that love wasn’t just something people abandoned when things got too hard. commitment started to feel like a trap. something that could fall apart at any second, no matter how good it seemed.
and now there was her.
I didn’t know what scared me more, how easy it felt being around her, or how much I missed her presence already.
her face kept flickering in my mind. the way her eyes softened when she looked at me. the way her hair blew in my face, how the small pieces of sand tangled in it dusted over my cheeks. that quiet and easy connection, terrified me. but not enough to want to shut her out forever.
my phone buzzed in my pocket, i pulled it out not really paying attention until i saw the notification.
y/n just followed you!
i stared at it for a little longer than i should’ve, it was just a follow, i’m not sure why it hit me the way it did. without thinking too much about it i followed her back.
i clicked on her profile, absentmindedly tapping through her highlights. her smile was the same one i’d been staring at all night, genuine, warm. warm enough that it made me forget how cold it was after we ventured away from the fire.
it was strange, this feeling of wanting her presence, even when i’d been so careful to keep everyone at arms length.
i thought about the promise of what-ifs, how rare it was to find somebody who made me want to let my walls down, even after i spent so long convincing myself they were the only way to keep me from the inevitable— getting hurt.
tonight, i allowed myself to hope, even if it was just for a moment. hope for something more with her. hope that i’d allow myself to feel everything i wanted too for her and show it.
i wondered if she was sat there too, staring into her own quiet darkness looking for something real.
the music blared, heavy bass vibrating against the sand beneath my bare feet. laughter and chatter began to blend with each crash of the waves against the shore, but to me all i heard was background noise- muffled, distant, unimportant.
I should’ve been having fun- my friends were five rounds into drinks and high off their minds, but for some reason i wasn’t feeling it tonight. i glanced back over to the bonfire, watching everyone’s dancing shadows bounce back onto the sand. Through all of the movement, i noticed him- a still point in the middle of all the motion.
- time skip three hours -
as the night went on, the music lost its urgency- thumping bass now a sluggish rhythm barley holding what little people were left entertained. i watched as the waves fought against the sand and swallowed up empty solo cups.
“why’d you come to this party if you knew you weren’t going to enjoy it” chris says, snapping me out of my trance. “huh?” i say looking back at him. chris pauses. “i mean you just told me how everyone down here is shallow and boring, so why waste your night with them?” i open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out- he was right. why did i spend my time with people i could barley call my friends?
“i mean i dont completely hate everyone here, for the most part they’re all chill its just that- i mean. idk its complicated.” i look as the gaze in chris’ eyes softened, “i get that, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to” he says with a slight smile.
his subtle kindness lapped at my tiring soul, for the first time in forever i met a guy who wanted more than just meaningless hookups. as we walk along the night filled beach i sigh lightly and open my mouth.
“you know chris, you’re a lot different than the guys down here” chris looks at me, his eyes glimmering despite the darkness surrounding us, “really? we’ve only known eachother for less than 24 hours, how could i possibly be any different than the guys you know” he says with a chuckle. “all the guys i know either want strictly sex or are immune to having meaningful conversations. i mean don’t get me wrong i have my fair share of guy friends, but none of which id ever be friends with if it weren’t for the fact ive known them forever.”
as my eyes avert back to chris, i notice him pause and look up at the night sky. “you’re telling me every guy down here only wants sex? that’s lowk fucked, do they not know there’s more to a pretty girl like you than just your body?” he says shaking his head.
his comment definitely doesn’t go unnoticed by me. “you think i’m pretty?” i say with a cocky smirk growing on my face. despite the fact the two of us spent the past few hours exchanging our struggle with fitting into our environments, my confidence and ego always won over. “i’ve only known you for like what? four hours? and you’re already calling me pretty. tbh chris you didn’t strike me as the bold type” i jokingly say
“oh cmon! you knew what i meant” chris says with blush creeping up on his face, but the lack of light around us hid the fact. as we continued our walk down the beach we continued to talk about everything. for some reason chris felt like the steady tide in a restless sea, i could tell him anything without feeling like he’d pull me under and crash all over me.
our shared chatter and giggles suddenly died down, and the breaking of the sea became amplified- creating comforting silence between our bodies. as i sneak a look at chris im already met with his eyes on mine. our shared glances linger as i feel our face subconsciously inch closer.
“yk i meant what i said earlier” he says. “what?” i say with confusion. “that you’re pretty. and there’s more to you” he says, his cold breath grazing my lips. a smile creeps up on my face as i move my face even closer to his and conne-
“CHRIS FUCK WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN.” i look over at the voice interrupting us, it’s his brother matt. “chris holy shit i’ve been walking down this whole beach drunk. where the fuck were you, let’s go back to the house cmon” the boy says stumbling over himself and pulling chris away from me. as chris is pulled away our eyes stay on each others for what feels like an eternity. as chris’ presence slowly leaves mine a wave of loneliness rushes over me, i slowly walk back to my house thinking about nothing other than the night i spent with him.
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the bonfire sparked against the night air, sending small flames twisting up towards the stars. the only thing i could hear behind me was the party. i wanted nothing more than to go home, spend another night by myself. but ever since our dad left matt and nick have made it their mission to take me with them to all their outings. they said if it helps them it should help me too, but it never did. even though i was surrounded by the music and laughter that was the party, all of it felt a million miles away.
i barley registered the fact someone sat next to me until their leg brushed against mine. i didn’t bother looking at first- small talks never been my thing. but minutes past, and they stayed beside me. so curiosity won over.
she was already looking at me, a gentle expression on her face. her voice was soft over the crackle of the fire, “long day?”
i shrugged, managing a tired laugh. “you could say that.” she nodded as if she understood every word i couldn’t say. i hadn’t felt that in a while. understood.
“im over all this too, i only came for them” she said looking over to the group of people crowding round the beer keg. “and i wish i didnt”
i noticed her expression falter, her eyes didn’t leave them for a moment before she turned back to me. “they’re all pretty shallow.” i could only nod in agreement, id never met them, but if they were anything like the types of people matt and nick called friends round here i knew all about them. “tell me about it.”
before i knew it she was rambling on about the recent misshaps within the group. normally, i’d zone out from anyone talking this much about something i couldn’t care less about, but something about her had me even asking about it all. with each new thing, each time she made me laugh, i felt my shoulders ease up bit by bit.
as the conversation switched to something more than small talk, i felt myself easing up to her slowly. we traded memories, every one we shared seemed to soften the heaviness that had sat on my chest for a long time. the way she listened and her stupid stories was a small, ridiculous window into a place where for a brief time, everything felt a little less overwhelming.
“i’m y/n, by the way” she said pulling her legs to her chest and beginning to toy with the small anklet she had on.
“chris” i replied simply, and somehow, that exchange felt like the start of something new. i couldn’t tell if i felt happy or terrified at that.
for a long time, we just sat there. the crowd behind us slowly started to lessen, the sound of the waves became more prominent. and i felt for the first time in a long while, like maybe things could get better.
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