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Doctors:

You’re too young to be ill (obvious one)

You’re too young to have a file this large.

Stop coming to the doctor.

Stop wasting my time.

You’re a big lad, you can take it (response to medication making me significantly worse and giving me palpitations).

Why don’t you get a girlfriend and stop coming to the doctor?

I’ve referred you to a neurologist as the hospital asked, not that I think you need it. You’re just stressed.

You should keep a symptom diary, that’s a good idea, bring it in next time. (I do) Look at you, you’re writing all your symptoms down, you’re so focussed on them, you’re just stressed.

(In response to heart issues) You’re chronically ill, you’re stressed, and you’re overweight, you can pick one.

Family:

We want you to see a therapist because you’re making this up.

(In response to my choosing to privately see a neurologist rather than wait 18 weeks for the referral, when I had only asked for a lift to the appointment, and after ranting at me about money for almost an hour) It’s not about money, if I thought there was anything wrong with you I would pay for it myself.

(After the neurologist ordered an MRI) You better hope they find something, with how much you’re paying for it.

When are you going to stop messing around and get a job?

I guess we’ll just have to keep killing ourselves at work so you can live in fucking luxury. (Should be noted that my family are in the mid-fifties, well short of retiring age, and as they smoke and drink heavily they would have to continue working just to fund that, let alone their house and need for stuff)

Wouldn’t you feel better if you just went out?

When are you just going to suck it up and get on with it?

(To other family members at new year) Well, at least you went out and weren’t boring like him. (This is actually said every year, even before I got ill)

(In response to an employee who has developed Fibromyalgia, said expressly within my hearing) She didn’t want to sit down, said it would be hard to get up again. Well, I’m tired all the time too, I don’t complain. I just sit down and get on with it.

(In response to the same employee) It’s unfair, I want to get rid of her, but disability laws mean I have to show that I’ve tried to help her.

(Same employee) Complaining about her joints hurting, please, I’ll show her sore joints.

(Still in response to the same employee, this went on for months and there were many more quotes than these three - after finally dismissing her) If someone comes to me for a job who looks even remotely disabled they can fuck off. 

Don’t you think you’re a bit old to be doing this? (Referencing my alleged pretense of illness)

Yes, well I’m tired too!

We work all day, you should be doing this. (In response to any job around the house they initiate)

I wish you would just move out and do something.

(On me needing to leave an event early) You can’t do that, you have to stay for the whole thing. (And then) Okay, we’ll tell everyone you have to go home to look after the dog because he’s sick. (I tell them they could tell the truth, that I’m ill) No, that’s embarrassing.

Yeah, yeah, we get it, you’re “sick.”

“Friends”

You’re not really sick, you’re just trying to get away from me. (From a clingy friend who was in love with me)

(Same friend) My therapist says you’re selfish because you don’t make time for me. What? No, I didn’t tell her you’re ill - because you’re not.

(In response to my declining health and the fact that doctors haven’t really tried to help or arrest said decline) Haha, doctors are silly.