Socratic Rock Scrap

Android: I think I may have gotten too much Vitamin A from pills.

Iacobus: Vitamin A for Anarchy.

Android: Vitamin B for Bear Attacks.

Android: Vitamin C for Craniotomy.

Android: Vitamin D for Death.

Android: Vitamin E for Esophageal Cancer.

Android: Vitamin K for Release the Kraken.

Iacobus: Man, we sure are good at science.

Android: At least it wasn't food poisoning.

Iacobus: Food poisonin' is the southern version.

Android: Well, you’re screwed for sure

Android: What did you eat?

Iacobus: Not sure.

Iacobus: We made some chicken wraps last night.

Iacobus: I can't really remember anything else.

Android: You blacked out after the chicken wraps?

Iacobus: No. I can't remember the other foods I had yesterday.

Android: You have food amnesia.

Android: Lift with your legs, not your back

Iacobus: If I were lifting with my back all the time, I suspect I'd be in a lot worse shape.

Android: Be a true shitlord and lift with your privilege

Iacobus: You mean my penis?

Android: Maybe.

Android: Whatever part of your body which has the highest privilege density.

Android: For some people, it’s the wallet.

Iacobus: Do you see that thing in the right of the trunk?

Iacobus: That's one of those bottles they have people piss in at the hospital.

Android: Just in case, bro.

Iacobus: Maybe that's our problem.

Iacobus: Maybe we need goals that require us to maybe piss in a bottle.

Iacobus: One bottle between us, even.

Iacobus: If those three guys can share one piss bottle, we can share one.

Android: And we all know Sergey is the dreamier one [of the Google cofounders].

Mumon: That probably is only the case if you're a teenage girl.

Android: My left toenail identifies as a teenage girl, bigot.

Mumon: Which of your left toenails? (I identify as a pedant, not a bigot)

Android: They’re a collective.

Android: At least you’re not a pedantphile.

Mumon: I'm more like a pedanthrope

Android: Does that mean you hate yourself?

Android: Or a pedant who is in the form of a human?

Mumon: I hate other pedants.

Android: Then you’re like an exomispedant or something.

Iacobus: That woman looks pretty thin for someone who recently had a child.

Iacobus: Maybe she just works there.

Android: I just like Flute Guy

Iacobus: "Toot, toot. You're a crisp."

Iacobus: I have like two more nights of Aristotle left.

Iacobus: And my Hippocrates seems to have been mysteriously delayed.

Android: Is that a euphemism?

Android: If your "hippocrates" is delayed for too long you should see a doctor.

Iacobus: No.

Iacobus: Hippocrates is the guy who made that oath that all those hypocrite doctors have to say.

Android: Nah, bro.

Android: Just force the Gazans to marry Jewish women.

Android: Then their descendants will be Jews.

Android: PROBLEM SOLVED

Iacobus: Under Islam, their descendants would be Muslim.

Android: Yeah, but under Judaism the descendants would be Jewish.

Android: They'd be a superposition of both states.

Android: Allowing Israel to simultaneously be under the control of both Muslims and Jews.

Iacobus: This will just be another thing for them to fight about.

Android: What if our family name is Supergrossbuttfart, do you really want to be responsible for nudging us in that direction?

Mumon: what, exactly, would a non-butt-fart be, anyway?

Android: Wherever there are orifices and pressurized gas, there might be farts, my child.

Android: I mean, there are ketchup bottles for one.

Mumon: Truly, your wisdom exceeds that of the gods.

Android: It’s not hard, seeing as there are none.

Android: I listened to your song and became enlightened.

Iacobus: It's the sitar that does that.

Android: I bet that’s what it was.

Android: Now what am I going to do with all this lack of suffering?

Android: I guess I have to write a book and start a cult.

Iacobus: Woah. There's a program for sending raw MIDI signals over a network.

Android: So we could jam together?

Android: Over the internet?

Iacobus: Yeah.

Iacobus: With a 100ms delay.

Android: Latency might be an issue.

Iacobus: Which is kind of bad, music-wise.

Android: Ehh, that stuff they tell you about getting the timing correct is a little exaggerated.

Android: You just need to play the right notes.

Android: Not necessarily in the right order or at the right time.

Android: Your brain figures the rest out.

Android: Just like spelling.

Iacobus: Heuheu

Iacobus: Yeah, timing didn't seem to be that big of a deal when I butchered Mary.

Android: Mray hda a ttleli ambl

Android: sti fecel saw hitew sa nows

Android: That’s Latin, right?

Iacobus: Its fecal saw.

Android: Its fecal saw Hitler.

Android: Let’s never change.

Iacobus: Hehe

Iacobus: Why would we have to?

Iacobus: We found wives and jobs that put up with us.

Iacobus: Basically, we no longer have any reason to mature as people.

Iacobus: They're broken across two lines and look like ass though.

Android: Uh, I believe I’m the designer. I’ll decide when something looks like ass or not.

Android: I AM THE ASS-CIDER

Android: Which incidentally is the name of my failed energy drink.

Android: The thing that killed me with that venture was the bottom line.

Android: Now what?

Iacobus: Only death.

Android: And what do we say to death?

Iacobus: "Hello, old friend."

Android: "Do you want a scone?"

Iacobus: "Android puts butter in his tea. Would you like some butter in your tea, Death?"

Android: "How's Mrs. Death?"

Android: "How are your investments?"

Iacobus: "Wasn't shorting Apple just before you took Steve Jobs basically insider trading?"

When the glistening moonbeam girders of the internet finally collapse and are replaced by handsome reptoid overlords with pez dispensers and tax rebates, who will be left to fight for Truth, Triclavianism and the Simulation Hypothesis? Who will hesitantly join with Satan to battle the Old Ones in an elaborate double-bluff and win the heart of an artichoke? Who will unravel the shocking truth by scouring the seedy underbelly of History itself?

Android: How many angles can dance on the head of a pin? It’s a question that has puzzled theologians for centuries. To find out, our team will consult ancient Italian manuscripts and put Da Vinci’s fabled Angel Vision glasses to the test.

Iacobus: You mean angels?

Iacobus: Anyway, I'm pretty sure the answer is zero or infinity.

Android: Yeah.

Android: Are angels local?

Iacobus: That's basically the question.

Iacobus: At least as far as I'm concerned.

Iacobus: Are they corporeal beings like humans?

Iacobus: Then it's zero.

Android: Well, we should consult the scriptures.

Android: I recall bits about them having to travel in order to tell the prophet Daniel some important business

Iacobus: I don't need some ancient Jews telling me about physics.

Iacobus: They called God's spaceship a god damn burning bush.

Android: That implies some kind of locality

Android: Isn’t a burning bush some kind of STD?

Iacobus: Heuheuheu

Android: They can appear to humans.

Android: So either they actually physically manifest, or they tweak our visual cortex.

Android: If they physically manifest, then their avatar would have to be local.

Android: But the avatar isn’t the angel itself.

Android: So maybe it’s a question about whether angel avatars can intersect.

Android: Or be at any size.

Android: Because if you’re dancing on a pin, you have to be small.

Android: Avatars would have to probably be made of matter.

Android: In order to reflect light.

Iacobus: Or they could just be raw EM radiation.

Android: Just producing photons?

Android: That could work, too

Iacobus: Yeah.

Android: So what’s the minimum amount of emitted photos that counts as an avatar?

Android: Because that basically fixes the number of angels that can dance on the head of a pin

Android: I guess it would be the minimum number of emitted photons that could signify dancing.

Iacobus: Well, that meeting went on too long.

Iacobus: So now my wife doesn't have time to go to the grocery store with me.

Android: Sounds like you’re in the market for revenge.

Android: And nothing spells “revenge” more than my quadruple-barrel assault bazooka.

Android: It fires liberal tears.