llwelyn

lush illusions

i enjoy all sorts of people and they’re infinitely interesting to me but also…there are those special someones that i will never forget encountering. some connections truly change you forever. or more like they make you expand more into yourself? it’s like people are always the same. their souls - they are distinct and specific like i said. that’s one thing i really love about people - they just are who they are. i used to hate it, i used to pretend it’s not true, it used to make me rage. but at the end of the day people are just who they are. and this is not a limiting belief, mind you. some people see it as setting limitations, putting them in a cage. but being who you are doesn’t exclude growth; quite the contrary, it requires growth. i feel like it all depends on what we feed ourselves (or what we’re being fed). love helps us expand, fear helps us restrict. both can be useful and can be a part of the process of growth. growth is not just expansion. after all, we are all shapes and colours and these things require a limitation. how can you have a shape if it’s endless, without borders?

anyway. i was thinking about how i met my best friend. i mean we didn’t get close the first time i landed eyes on him but there was still this strange feeling taking over me. and when we actually had the chance to share more than a few words, i….i was saved. like, his soul, it instantly reached out for mine with such beautiful, entrancing ease. i felt comfortable and i never, ever felt comfortable. i felt normal. i felt like i’m not scary or weird. this warmth of his, this kindness…i will never forget this to my dying day and probably beyond that. we often talked about the beginning of our friendship and how we felt back then and i know he felt the same way, i know we saved each other. idk. i’ll never get over this. i’ll never get over his soul and our connection.

less unstructured time than ever, constant ‘extracurricular’ obligations cutting into time spent socializing, exploring, relaxing.

more supervised than ever, not allowed to take public transport or spend time alone in public spaces (previously the norm for teens and pre-teens, until media sensationalism made hypervigilance the norm). not allowed to be around peers except when adults are available to supervise/drive.

(despite the fact their parents are working more than ever? bc our whole culture around employment is abusive and exploitive. fewer and fewer families can afford to have parents at home, even as kids are allowed to do less and less without adults around.)

capitalism run amuck + defunding of parks, libraries, etc means it costs money just to exist in public, which is fucking nuts. (it also costs money just to get to public spaces. our world is less walkable than ever and public transport programs are constantly sabatoged. no wonder that some kids are desperate to get their driver’s permit–at extra expense and risk.)

and when kids do try to spend time away from home, they gets accused of loitering???

you’ve built an environment composed of nothing but soulless strip malls and chain coffeeshops, and decreed that kids who spend time there are a “nuisance.” literally where the FUCK else are they supposed to exist? at the libraries you closed on weekends? at the parks & sports fields you stopped funding, the woods you tore down, the backyards that get smaller with every development? at the movie theaters & arcades & restaurants they can’t afford? on the streets they cannot drive on, on the sidewalks that lead nowhere, and where you have banned bicycling & skateboarding & rollerblading & existing for any length of time?

kids these days want to spend time outside, time in public, time hanging out with friends in person. kids these days do not want to constantly rely on the internet as their main source of socialization & leisure. but you have stolen all their options.

blue haze

1. Don’t doubt what you did. It’s easy to think, “I’ve made a terrible mistake!” About your separation/divorce, but you did it for a reason. You choose your own sanity and happiness.

2. It’s okay to be sad. Allow yourself a good cry if you need it, or several. Pour your heart out to Allah (God) in supplication. Cry to your family and friends it’s okay to not be okay for a while. (It doesn’t make you less of a man or woman to express your feelings... in fact it’s healthy).

3. Stay out of contact. You might be tempted to call or text them, just to check in. Resist the temptation and try being alone for a while. Remember it’s better to be single than in a toxic/abusive relationship.

4. Love yourself. What happened has happened. You can’t go back and stop yourself from marrying them, nor can you go back and try to change them. You can move on from this.

5. Remembrance of Allah (God) is not only a safe haven from the problems and worries of this world, but it is also the short and easy path to achieving ultimate success.

When you remember Allah(God), clouds of worry and fear are driven away, and the mountains that make up your problems are blown away.

“Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.”

(Qur’an 13: 28)

To the degree that you remember Allah (God), your heart will be calm and cheerful. His remembrance carries with it the meaning of total dependence upon Him, of turning to Him for aid, of having good thoughts about Him, and of waiting for victory from Him. Truly, He is near when supplicated: He hears when He is called and He answers when He is invoked, so humble yourself before Him and ask of Him sincerely. Repeat His beautiful blessed names, and mention Him as being alone worthy of worship. Mention His praises, supplicate to Him, and ask forgiveness, healing and tranquility from Him: you will then find – by the will of Allah (God)- happiness, peace, and illumination.

“So Allah (God) gave them the reward of this world and the excellent reward of the Hereafter” (Quran 3: 148)