Yes, You Can Still Flirt With Me
No, not you.
YOU, the bow-legged one.
For me, there are two types of men: the small handful of men I want VERY MUCH to flirt with me, and ALL the rest who I don’t want to flirt with me. I am not unsure of who is in which group – I know the names of the men in the first group and the second group is everyone else. If you want to know which group you’re in, you can just check with me. I have the list at the door. Don’t try to convince the bouncer into letting you in anyway – that’s harassment, and the bouncer is me. (Yes, I am the club AND the bouncer, it’s all in me!) When someone you’re attracted to picks some other guy, not you, it wasn’t a one-on-one competition. That guy was already on a VERY short list, and you’re not a loser, you’re just the rest of the world.
Confused about how to put it out there and not seem disgusting in this new climate? Welcome to how women have always felt! Girls get taught that you can NEVER call a boy first, or ask him out – if he’s interested, he’ll do it. Don’t tell him you like him, because then he’ll think you’re obsessed and needy. And if you tell him you’re attracted to him? Why not just pull your pants down and point, you SLUT?!?
I honestly think, though, if we just asked something along the lines of “hey, wanna flirt with me” it would work. Not in the sense that it would convince someone – in the sense that it would open the door to someone who is already interested. Because convincing someone is stupid and doesn’t work - even when it works. I’ve let a guy convince me before, and it led to gross stuff. Not assault, just gross, uncomfortable, boring, why-bother stuff. And once someone says no, “convincing” is just “harassing” in a nice sweater. Don’t try to convince someone to be attracted to you – try to find out if they already are.
A question like “wanna flirt with me?” is also safe for a woman to say no to. I don’t feel like I’m crushing you – or making you angry and dangerous – by saying no to a silly question like that. So I don’t have to pretend it was charming but OMG my friend needs me to walk her to the bathroom – the sort of things we often do to avoid a situation that might turn dangerous. If the person isn’t interested they can laugh, say no, and you can both move on.
PLUS, women can use “wanna flirt with me?” on men without the risk of seeming desperate. Because, in the words of “Hot In Herre” – “I’m just kidding like Jason…unless you’re gonna do it.”
Attraction is weird. It’s not a reflection of anyone’s worth. It’s the chemistry between two people in the same room – the way they smell to each other, the way they move and sound. There are people I’ve seen in movies and found devastatingly gorgeous, then met in real life and found to be as alluring as wet bread dough. Once you get into some entanglement or relationship, then I don’t know WHAT to tell your ego. That shit is COMPLICATED, and often painful. But attraction – real attraction – isn’t. It doesn’t need to hurt your feelings. We don’t choose it, it’s not merit based, it’s your stupid guts and you better listen to them because real attraction isn’t all that common, either. Especially as you get older. When I was young I could find something enticing about any old pile of hoodies and ska cds – then round it up to a crush. Now he has to have hands I think about and smell just so behind his ears. It’s a bummer!
My point is, if someone isn’t attracted to you, there’s nothing either of you can do about it, don’t waste your time. Move along, pay attention to some other people, when one of them makes your guts jump see if they wanna flirt. And don’t pull your dick out – that’s not flirting.
When I was young, I sometimes tried to figure out how to get certain people fall in love with me. But at a certain point, I figured people would either like me or not, and either way was fine, it was their choice, and there was basically little I could do to change it.
