My Design for Living

What relapse is like. In a nutshell.

And that's what I think about 4.20.

How I imagine myself at happy hour...and what

How I imagine my Friday night happy hour to be like...and what actually happens.

That moment you realllllyyy wanna get fucked up.

http://www.soberissexy.com/

Franco (overheard in an AA meeting)

Afternoon meditation. Connecting with my higher to relieve me of the bondage of self, that I my better do my creator’s will.

Overheard at a speaker meeting

Don't think! Just do the next best thing.

God I had such a great weekend but then out of nowhere last night I just had the most intense urge to drink. So I took a look at my thinking. After all my thinking, not my drinking, is the main problem. I discovered I felt sorry for myself that I’m 27 living in the basement room of a sober house. I have no real savings, my ex is probably living life. Basically feelings of “I’m not worth it”, “it’s too late”, “I hate my life”. Then I tried to turn that around with a little prayer to my Higher Power. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…” And you know the rest. Realization: my life was awful when I was actively using. In doing the next right thing, which is totally different than how I normally run my life, my future is infinite with God’s help. I’m so glad to wake up this morning to another day of sobriety! I am strong and I will survive addiction.

Man! I've been having using dreams lately, but not the good kind where you actually get to use. Like last night I dreamt I drained my bank account the bar.

When I first came to AA and my sponsor told me that the root of most of my problems was fear, I laughed in his face and excused myself from the fellowship. Now, I hold this statement to be so, so, true!