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the way he just lays his head down in your neck, his cheek squished against shoulder.
sometimes, he doesn't even think to wrap his arms around you. he just walks over and lays his head against you, blinking his big brown eyes at nothing.
it endears you so much. when he does it you are instantly wrapping your arms around him, snuggling him closer and murmuring little things like "awww puppy," or "my sweet andrew" which makes him melt further into you.
pope can't help the strange way he hugs, but it only makes you love him even more.
he didn't get many hugs growing up or as an adult, not real ones anyways, unattached to some manipulation tactic. so when he finds out he can just get affection from you freely? that he can just come up and get a hug any time he needs one? he can't seem to stop himself.
he needs hugs so often. he always gets one in the morning, waiting for you to wake up to give him one. then he gets one before bed too. and yeah, you hold each other at night, but that isn't a hug. he needs his weird squished into your shoulder hug where he can just stare and get your arms squeezing him tight.
before jobs he always needs an extra long one. he'll first give you your hug, which of course he considers different from his own hug. he'll take a moment alone with you, hold you to his chest, kiss your hair, stroke your back as he closes his eyes and memorizes your scent. he'll whisper how he'll be back real soon, ask you to do some nice things like lay in the sun and read or take naps in his clothes until he gets back.
once you're soothed is when he drops his head to your shoulder, cheek squished against you, shivering when your arms wrap around him. you'll squeeze him tight and rub his back, play with his pretty curls. and for the first time in his life he goes into jobs really believing he has something to come home to.
missing my sweetie big dick fictional man right now and thinking about how pope cody would have no idea he’s good at sex.
like completely clueless.
he would be on his knees, eating you out until you’re clawing at the sheets, eyes brimming with tears, spine arching like it’s about to snap. pope doesn’t even really know what he’s doing. he just makes sure to repeat everything that makes you clench around his fingers and twitch on his tongue. and you’re so close when he curls his two thick digits and sucks you into his mouth. your legs lock up.. your belly feels tight with tingles.. pleasure starts to rise almost alllll the way to your ears and…
he pulls away with a gruff “d’ya like that?”. and it’s not a sexy taunt. his tone is questioning and he’s being completely, utterly serious. you whine in frustration “andrew!!” he looks genuinely confused. “w-what?” your hips buck towards his mouth involuntarily, body aching with the need to come. “i was so close!” popes dark brows furrow in confusion. “you were…” it takes him three slow blinks while staring at your squirming thighs and fluttering pussy to finally understand. his eyes widen “oh shit- m’ sorry sweetheart..” then dives back in. sucking you and scissoring his fingers until you cry out his name and come on his face about twenty seconds later.
or or or. he doesn’t really understand how huge his cock feels inside of you. he’s aware he’s well endowed. but he thinks you’re just being a good girlfriend when you moan so loud at his first push into your tight pussy. pope always forgets that you’re not just stroking his ego. not quite understanding that your loud whimpers that accompany his thick length are authentic. he’ll thrust in and out of you harsh at the start. you can barely speak through the painful stretch of his rapid plunges. your gasps are choked “a-andy! andy s-slow down!” and he does get a little lost in the sauce as he watches your tits bounce beneath him. you have to slap at his shoulder to snap him out of it. “fuck- sorry. feels s’good. i’ll- hhnng- i’ll go slow. promise.”
then he’ll roll over until you’re on top of him. hands bracing his chest and thighs nestled firmly at his hips. he lets you set the pace to make sure he won’t hurt you again. it’s sweet.. until he won’t move again at all unless you’re bouncing up and down fervently. begging him to thrust up into you. “p-please! andy it doesn’t hurt.. need you- please!” once he decides you’re in no pain at all, he’ll grip your hips and piston up into you until you can’t move on your own anymore. completely filled with him. drooling at the pleasure coiling in your lower stomach. and pope is more than confident that you’re not exaggerating when you collapse with a raspy moan as you orgasm on his thick cock <3
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Y/N loves playing 'Infinity', but most of all she loves exploring this universe. One day she manages to break through to the center.
who cursed me?? who's making me write about this man?? answer now
Of all the things you thought you’d see in the center of ‘Infinity’, you least expected this.
"Stalkers of Infinity" is a surefire way to get a permanent ban across all servers, so you and the bros never chatted on the official game forum. Your chat was private, and you were one of five admins of this chat. You chose the avatar - Nyan cat clutching Sherlock Holmes' pipe.
At first it was just a simple search for game bugs and hilarious glitches. Then you started to look for ways to create them yourself. Eventually, you tried to measure the whole universe and failed. A lot of stuff happened, and your team had a lot of fun, but then what had to happen finally happened - your eyes turned to that spinny bullshit thingy at the center of the universe.
***ShootingxSTARxQueen*** (your proud nickname among the Stalkers) volunteered to be the first to test the fate. Your tiny, bright-pink starship could slip between the rings easily, and your piloting skills were unmatched. Above all, you were the most curious. Bravery was not the matter. What danger could threaten you if you were not actually cutting through space, but dozing in your chair?
Up close, the rings towered like skyscrapers, and they were damn fast for their size. Space is soundless, and you could only imagine the roar with which these giants cut off your path from above, then below, then to the right, then to the left. Your breath was taken away, sweat appeared on your forehead, three or four times they almost ground the starship into dust.
If that happened, you would have to grind for weeks to replace it, so you danced at the limit of your ability, rushing deeper and deeper into the center of this… thing. Biting your lip, you made one last dash towards the black, almost indistinguishable center, and then everything disappeared.
Then you were here.
It was so strange, so incredible. Utterly of place and yet achingly ordinary. It was night - a very ordinary night, the kind of night you had seen many times on Earth. You stood, in your space suit in the middle of a very ordinary suburban street. The driveway leading to a garage. There was a slight rustling sound and you jumped. It was the hose starting to water the lawn. A blinding light flashed on and the garage door began to slowly rise.
You tiptoed to the garage, the gravel crunching under your heavy boots, and cautiously peered inside.
It was curiouser and curiouser! An ordinary garage, stale air, the smell of rubber, burnt plastic and technology. Shelves up to the ceiling, piled high with all sorts of junk: boxes of cassettes, posters on the walls. You hovered at the threshold, hesitating to enter, and peered in, and understood nothing. Then you looked slightly to the left, toward the computer desk.
He, too, was silently staring at you as if he had seen an alien. Behind the smudged lenses of his glasses, you ran into the stunned, uncomprehending gaze of a man who had been caught doing something bad. You stared at each other, and in some other world, it probably would have even been funny.
He (you called him “he” for now) was the first to come to his senses, hurriedly rose from the rickety chair on wheels (it had moved to the side) and, smoothing his hair with an unruly hand, stepped toward you.
“Hi,” he said hoarsely.
“Hi,” you agreed. What else could you say? Unless you curtsey.
He looked at his palm suspiciously, wiped it on his wrinkled plaid shirt, and reached out to you.
“I’m Robert,” he said. “And you?”
You pulled the pilot’s glove off your hand and squeezed his fingers.
“And I’m Y/N,” you said confidentially. “Listen, what’s going on?”
He smiled shyly. He didn’t immediately let go of your hand.
It was curiouser and curiouser, indeed!.. You couldn’t even imagine what kind of rabbit hole you’d tumble into. Racing toward the center of ‘Infinity’, you braced yourself for anything but least expected this. It turns out that the whole game, your beloved ‘Infinity’ was a shimmering seashell, and in its center there were new planets growing, pearl after pearl. Then this man, Robert, would take the planet with his hand, sticky with chocolate milk, and throw it into the night sky.
You were flushed with delight, almost climbing onto his desk with your feet.
“Actually,” Robert stammered “Actually, only those who run the ‘Callister’ have access here, that is, the CEO and the CTO. Well, and whoever they approve. Not many players get to see what you saw.”
“No one would believe me,” you whispered, leaning over the holographic ocean. Your eyes glittered. He looked at you greedily.
“Maybe that’s for the best,” Robert chuckled. “This can't go public. I don’t think even the employees know about this place.”
“Robert, aren’t you a 'Callister' employee?” you asked, surprised.
Robert didn’t answer.
Instead, he grabbed your wrist and pulled you to the table, like a child eager to show his mother a new drawing. One of the monitors was filled with lines of code you didn’t understand, but the other one...
“Look,” he said, gesturing to the screen. “These are just rough drafts, I haven’t thought about implementing them yet, because the ideas need some work. How do you like this ocean planet? I’ve never created such a diverse ecosystem before. Originally I planned to make a desert world, but water is a richer environment in this sense. And this nebula, it’s not finished yet… Do you see the outline? Do you?”
You nodded eagerly, unable to speak. It was tangible, bold, and probably the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen in your life. You wanted to pick it up and look at it forever.
“I knew you’d appreciate it,” he smiled. “Oh, look. I’m really proud of this one. There hasn’t been a single black hole in Infinity yet, but trust me there will be soon. You have no idea how hard it was to code this, there are so many parameters, but when it’s ready, it will be a sight to behold…”
Robert tapped his fingers on the keyboard, launching the simulation and showing you exactly what kind of sight it would be.
“Oh, my God…” you said in admiration, not taking your eyes off the funnel on the screen.
“You’re welcome,” Robert grinned. There’s a new expression in his eyes.
He showed you more and more. It felt like Christmas, unwrapping present after present. You loved Infinity, but you had no idea how much you loved the Infinity it could become. An hour or 500 years passed, you couldn’t tell.
You slowly straightened up, turning to Robert.
“This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” you said honestly. “I’m going to die happy.”
Robert let out a strained laughter.
“Wait, don’t die yet. See, I’m curious about something too. What’s out there, what year is it?”
“2027,” you said. “Wait, didn’t you…”
“Wow,” he snorted, running a hand through his hair, ruffling it. “Wow! Rarely does a game last that long. How’s the online?”
“The best ever. 30 million players. All the other games officially suck. Infinity has become synonymous with VR.”
Robert beamed like a kid on the first day of vacation. He gave you that weird sideways look again, but then caught himself:
“Oh shit, I’m so sorry. I didn’t even offer you a seat. It’s been so long since I had guests that I’ve forgotten how to act around real people.” He pushed a chair towards you, then looked at it doubtfully and brushed off some crumbs. “Want some chocolate milk?”
“Gladly,” you smiled. “My throat is dry with delight.”
Now that you were sitting in the chair, pulling your knees up to your chest and sipping milk from the carton (Robert is looking at you the way you looked at the black star a few seconds ago, but you don’t notice), you have time to look around.
“Hey, what is this place anyway?” you asked curiously. “And why is everyone in… Oh, wait a minute,” you pointed at his shirt. “I think I’ve heard of that show.”
“Really?!” Robert looked startled for the first time, but only for a second. Then his eyes flashed with greed. “No, really? I was sure that girls these days don’t watch it.”
“Actually, I’ve always liked Star Wars, especially the first parts.” you admitted. “I’ve been wanting to watch Space Fleet for a long time, I just never really had time for that. So that’s…?”
“That’s what inspired me,” he says quickly. “Well, not me, but the second Robert. I mean, the first Robert. That show was… visionary. Way ahead of its time.”
“Which first Robert?” you asked, putting down the carton of milk.
“You’ve heard of Robert Daly, right?” he asked impatiently.
“Of course. I always knew who was behind this universe. I even tried to figure out the code, but I’m not very good at programming…” you said thoughtfully. Robert looked at you expectantly. You looked at him again.
The box almost fell out of your hands.
“But how?! How is that possible?!” you exclaimed. “He must be thirty or more by now? You’re his younger brother?! Look, he was with James Walton at a gaming conference a month ago, I know that for sure!”
“You’re even smarter than you seemed at first,” Robert said with a strange tenderness in his voice. Then he explained to you how exactly that was possible.
“Is this even… legal?” you asked cautiously. For the first time here, you began to feel like something was off. The children in the gingerbread house must have felt that way. “Sorry to be blunt, but are you a human or a program? Who am I talking to?”
“You’re talking to Robert Daly,” he said simply. “And he’s talking to you.”
“Does everyone at ‘Callister’ know?”
“Only Walton and Robert Number One.”
“And… how do you like that?”
“It sucks sometimes,” he sighed, waving his hand vaguely. “I can’t even leave. I can’t even see what’s out there. My code is part of the code for the center of the universe, leaving here would be like knocking the foundation out from under the building. And I don’t remember the last time Walton was here.”
“Has Robert Number One never visited you?”
“Nah. But I’m not surprised,” he chuckled. “I can totally see why he made himself forget about me.”
“He seemed pretty nice to me,” you said timidly. “He once commented on my fanart on Twitter from the official account. I was on cloud nine and even pinned the post… I can’t believe he stuck you in here.”
“I’m not mad,” Robert said. “Well, at least not at him.”
He sat slumped in his chair. A prisoner god. His bangs fell over his eyes, and he looked so tired, so resigned. Your heart sank. You rose from your seat and carefully approached him. You patted his shoulder. The gesture seemed so small, so weak and useless.
“I’m so sorry,” you managed to say. What else could you say to him anyway? Without raising his head, he placed his hand on your fingers and squeezed them lightly. You were silent for 500 years or an hour.
It was impossible to say what you said then, but you did it anyway:
“Robert… I think I should go. Will you help me up to the surface?”
The night air was cold on your face after the dusty garage. You tried not to look at him as you walked to your spaceship on the lawn, so he wouldn’t see you crying. You tried not to let Robert notice that, even when you hugged goodbye.
“Will you come back sometimes?” he asked hopefully. “You’re always welcome here. Chocolate milk on the house.”
“I like strawberry better,” you sniffed. “Oh my God, Robert, I don’t even know if I’ll be able to play Infinity anymore.”
“I hope you can,” Robert said. Then he walked away about twenty steps, took out his PDA and started typing something. His face was hidden in the shadows. You sat there, clutching the steering wheel, staring blankly ahead. You knew for sure that when you got home, the first thing you’d do would be to delete the game and exit the chat.
Then Robert waved his hand at you. The engine roared and then died down.
After about five seconds, you leaned out of the cabin.
“Hey,” you called out to him. “Is something wrong?”
Robert stood on the lawn under the shining starry sky and looked up somewhere, putting his hand to his eyes. The scene was strangely breathtaking, it reminded you of the ‘The Little Prince’ illustration. You followed his gaze, but all you saw was some kind of flash moving away.
“Nah," he answered unexpectedly cheerfully and walked towards you. "Everything is fine."
"I think my engine is acting up."
"No, it's fine."
"Robert, I can't take off."
"You just did."
"What?"
"There she is," he pointed somewhere up. "You can wave to her while you can still see her."
"Robert," you said emphatically. "Do you hear me? I'm telling you that I need to get home and I can't take off! Can you… Can you help me?"
He looked up carefully, not wanting to meet your eyes.
"The thing is," Robert said softly, "that Y/N is probably home already."
"Robert, I'm Y/N."
"You're not," he simply answered and finally looked at you.
You were smart enough. After all, that’s what it takes to lead “Stalkers of Infinity.” You were smart, and Robert’s eyes were very expressive. Only a person who had done something very bad and didn’t even regret it could look like that.
You screamed.
You rushed out of the cabin, shoving Robert away, and, throwing your head back, screamed at the merciless starry sky above. The fading spark in the distance was probably you (or had you once been her?), and it was rushing away from the cursed center of the cursed game, not knowing what it was leaving behind. You knew she couldn’t hear you, and yet you screamed and screamed and screamed on the top of your lungs, waving your arms, breaking into sobs.
Robert Daly, The Other Robert, the jailer god, stood nearby, his head down. He had little experience with girls, and he didn’t know what to do when a girl was hysterical about being cloned. You turned around, furious, breathless, and almost threw your fists at him, but the next moment you felt yourself flying away and falling to the ground.
Your mouth felt like it was full of dirt.
“Listen,” Robert said grumpily, coming up to you, kneeling down. “Listen, I admit, it wasn’t very nice, but what else could I do? Tell me, hm? You were going to fly away and leave me here. All alone. That wasn’t the nicest thing to do either. I could see you were terrified and sickened by the thought of coming back here, you would never have come back! And I would have been stuck alone for eternity. I… I had to do something.”
You looked at him silently, not breathing, not moving. How can guilt and resentment fit on a face at the same time?
“Look, look, I can do anything for you,” he muttered desperately. “It will be fun, I promise. I won’t hurt you, I’ll treat you well. Y/N won’t come here again anyway, so I can, like, write your name in galaxies. Or do you want me to let you take the wheel and make your own galaxy? You’ll like it. I can tell you’re not like the other girls, you were… you were so good at grasping things from the start. We’ll be great friends, and you’ll never get bored. And neither will I.”
“Go to hell,” you wanted to say, and realized that it wasn’t the dirt pulling your mouth together. Your mouth?
You scraped frantically your nails over the place where it had just been. Robert looked at it almost with pity, but he was in no hurry to return your mouth to you. There was something else in that expression. He looked like a child unwrapping a Christmas present. Like a hungry man, ready to bite into a piece of bread. Greed and delight.
“Do you submit?” he asked softly and put his hand on your head. His fingers trembled with impatience. You threw his hand off.
The world went black - well, that’s how it felt because your eyes disappeared.
“Do you submit?” you heard again. “Nod if you do”.
He looked back on his life, not with shame but with a kind of disgust at its dreariness. - 'That hideous strength', C. S. Lewis.
BEFORE YOU READ THIS i really think i have to explain myself. i’ve wrote a ‘Robert Daly x reader’ piece back in 2024 (and never posted this) and my first and only motivation was to escape the cosmic horror of knowing that someone was trapped in their mind FOREVER. Robert Daly is not a good man nor a nice guy, he’s a villain and no one should defend him, and yet his fate was truly horrible and i just felt the urge to write something on that. Knowing what happend to him in the sequel i kinda want to share this text now. Please pay attention that the relationship is shown as toxic (because ehhh that is the way he is) - with a bleak hope in the end. Please forgive me for anything that could make you feel uncomfortable.
When you moved in with Robert Daly, he cleared out a few shelves for you with a frantic urgency he didn't expect from himself. The collector's construction set, the Commander Carpenter action figure, and the three mugs with views of the Brachian wastes were now resting in a box. In their place went your shampoos, a stack of T-shirts, and a box of books. Robert felt that these were perhaps the most precious items in his collection.
Your phone is full of tracking apps that send him a detailed report every day at 7 p.m. Location, messages, photos, browser search history. Robert spared no effort to carefully review all these documents every night and then save them in a secret folder (you went to bed earlier anyway). Are there suspiciously warm messages from colleagues? Are you googling something like "my boyfriend is too controlling"?
Robert felt almost no guilt when he installed bugs on your phone, except maybe a little. Do you really feel guilty when you install an anti-theft system on your car? Especially if it is an expensive car that is beyond your means.
You were, indeed, beyond his means. Not financially, though. Robert felt more or less secure when it came to money. His salary was enough for him to make you move into his apartment pretty quickly and let you work from home more often (so that Walton wouldn't chatter with you too much). You were, by any measure, out of his league. Too pretty, too sweet, and just too affectionate with him for it to be true. There were those crazy moments when he was overcome with a suffocating fear: what if this was just another simulation? What if he was now actually half-asleep in a chair, watching scenes of a happy life with the living dream?
Robert glanced sideways at the bed where you were snoring peacefully. In the flickering light of the monitor he could only see the top of your head. Without taking his eyes off you, Robert whispered:
‘Exit game’.
You sighed softly. Robert stared at you intensely for another three or four minutes, then turned back to the computer.
Geotracking. No surprises here, after work you made a quick stop at the coffee shop near the house. You bought an ice cream and a cup of coffee (receipt attached), and then went straight home. Robert felt a growing warmth somewhere in his heart. It's for your safety, after all. He imagined you sitting in this cafe, carefully picking an ice cream with a spoon. He wonders sometimes how does he even manage to hide his madness.
Oh, and here's a photo of the ice cream. You sent it to a friend. Open chat logs.
Diana: Ooooh, that looks tasty! :heart emoji:
Y/N: trust me it is :3
Diana: are you at Gingers rn?
Y/N: yeah. You wont believe me what theyve done with the place lol
You discuss different ice cream flavors for a couple more pages. Robert read it all carefully. The ease with which you talked to people always fascinated him.
You watched a couple of episodes of Futurama on the phone when you got home. Then you googled ‘lasagna recipes’ and ordered the necessary ingredients. They say that you get used to good things quickly, but Robert still couldn’t get used to the smell of a delicious dinner cooked by loving hands that was now waiting for him every night. Then you put on some music, and maybe danced a little (Robert briefly thought that he should check the cameras). Then there was a text message from Nanette.
Robert pursed his lips. He often racked his brains over how to cut Nanette out of your life, but so far he hadn’t come up with anything. Meanwhile you two had become good friends. Nannette asked something about work, you answered her right away, then you agreed to meet on Friday evening (he would think about how to prevent this later).
Nannette: you were busy last Friday xd pleeeeeeease don’t sneak away from me this time!
Y/N: sorry x) Rob and I had a Space fleet marathon, we watched like 10 episodes or something
Go to hell, Robert thought darkly. You like it, he knows for sure. That day you two ordered pizza and cuddled until late at night, staring at the screen. He sometimes paused the show and explained the references, and you listened intently. It was the best damn evening in six months. Better than being a captain.
Y/N: well, it's actually pretty cool x) such a cute vintage. It's a cult classic, half the tropes in modern sci-fi owe the debt. Plus the jokes are really funny)
Thank God, he thought with relief.
Nanette: listen, I’ve been meaning to ask, how are you two doing? I know you just moved in with him
Nanette: don’t get me wrong, I’m not prying into your personal life. I’m just curious
Y/N: oh, everythings great) Ive been seeing Rob more often, he works an awful lot. Hes different at home, by the way)
Nannette: wow, what’s he like?) surprise me
Y/N: very cute :heart emoji: like a huge teddy bear. I could hug him all day long lol
Robert felt like he was having trouble breathing. He blinked twice. The screen in front of his eyes was blurring. It took him a moment to realize that it was tears.
Y/N: Damn, Im actually a little offended that no one knows what Rob is really like) hes a real genius, no joke, and at the same time so humble and hardworking
Y/N: I love it when someone is really passionate about something. Such people usually have a lot of love in their hearts) Rob is very caring
Y/N: and very kind
Y/N: in short, I hit the jackpot xd
Y/N: his birthday is in two weeks tho :thinking emoji: i was thinking of a surprise
Y/N: thought of an action figure xd
Y/N: but now i have even better idea
And that is when Robert closed the chat window hurriedly, hitting the cross on the fourth try, and hid his face in his hands. He needed some cold water. He needed to do the breathing exercises that you had taught him. He needed to lie down. He needed to wake you up, to confess - though to what, he couldn't say.
For as long as he could remember, Robert Daly had been a man who, with astonishing persistence, saw only injustices towards himself and never noticed any problems of other people. Now, for the first time in his life, he felt something that could be described as noble and dignified. He saw now with devastating clarity that he did not deserve you. He was not a good man or a nice guy, never had been; he had always known that you were too good for him, but now he felt like a robber, no, worse, like a thief.
So what if he did not pursue the clones who had broken free? So what if he returned digital copies of Walton and Tommy to the ship and gave them unlimited credits? Robert was doing it for himself, because he knew full well that he would go to jail for that sweet entertainment.
You will never know about the USS Callister. You will never know that six months ago you could have been trapped there. You will never know what you really saved him from when you raised the alarm in the work chat, unable to reach Robert. You sure as hell will never know what a monster he was and remains.
You won't see him turn off the monitor and lie down carefully next to you on the bed. You won't see him staring at the ceiling until almost dawn and thinking about the long, long hours in the darkness of dead space. You won't hear him sobbing quietly as he remembers how this darkness was cut by the light of a hospital room as he saw your face.
Beauty, they say, is in the eye of the beholder. But could it be the kindness that Robert didn't feel in himself no matter how hard he tried? For the only thing he felt was an endless empty and cold space inside of him, deadly, hungry, ugly, unforgiving, and no other light except his guiding star, his wishing star. And as Robert hoped desperately that he will never lose sight of this star, he knew damn well that it would be better for the star to lose sight of him.
Christmas is closing in like a goddamn meteor. They play Secret Santa at ‘Callister’. Robert is trying his best to figure out who'd drawn Y/N’s name.
"When I turn the paper over, there'll be Y/N's name on it," Robert told himself. Like all people clinging to an absurd belief in a just-world hypothesis, he was inclined to think that life followed some logical script. Flip the paper, see your name, choose the best gift ever, win Y/N’s heart, happily ever after. That’s it, that’s the plan.
The plan that went to hell when he turned the paper over and saw Nanette Cole's name.
His heart sank. Around him, everyone in the conference room was whispering cheerfully, some were secretly showing each other their cards, some were giggling. To Robert, the world suddenly turned gray, as if someone cracked the saturation to zero. He was the only one sitting stiffly with a sour face, gloomily thinking that the universe had betrayed him yet again. Not only would he miss the chance to give a present, worse, Y/N will receive one from someone else!
Funny how his genius head hadn't even thought of the simple idea of bypassing the game and giving Y/N a present outright.
"Stupid Christmas bullshit," he muttered as shoved the paper into his pocket with an irritated expression that poor Nanette didn't deserve. Then Robert looked up timidly. The gentle smile that blossomed on your face when you read your card made him feel sick.
"Well, Merry Christmas, Santa’s little helpers!" Walton clapped his hands encouragingly, and Robert suddenly wanted to punch his beaming face. What if Y/N had just drawn Walton's name? "Now get back to work, daylight’s wasting!"
He pretended to work until lunch, occasionally leaving his room with a plastic cup. Robert wandered around the office, looking even more absent-minded than usual, and felt like the most miserable man in the world. At lunch break Y/N, with whom he had so much in common, with whom he had so fatefully met, was chatting happily with Shania in the corner by the coffee machine, oblivious to his agony. After circling the corner for the fifth time in the widest possible arc, Robert finally realized what he was going to do.
Within five minutes, Robert had access to the office’s search history. He had fun like that before, but watching his colleagues' boring lives couldn't keep him interested for long. It was more fun to imagine putting Walton through a meat grinder.
Robert’s approach was methodical as ever. First, your search requests. Nothing out of the ordinary, you were now fully immersed in your work (he could respect that), and you had just created a question on Stack Overflow. You had little experience with interface design development, but you tried. He quickly scanned it and typed out a very detailed answer. Submit anonymously.
Shania was looking for some sports gears. A few key words like "gift" convinced Robert that she was going to be Karl’s Santa. In any case, it meant that you were not giving Karl a gift. Good to know. Without any hesitation, Karl posted on Reddit “what to give to a cold indifferent girl” and was already roasting the commenters. Apparently, Tulaska’s present.
Robert opened a new Excel sheet and started listing the names of every dev team employee. Modern problems require modern solutions. His gaze was murderous as he typed. Kabir poked his head in with some question about the patch, but Robert didn't even turn around.
Robert was always painfully attentive to the world around him, even when it ignored him entirely. Over the next two days he managed to shorten the list of suspects, but he still didn’t get an answer to the main questions. Who was giving Y/N a present? And who the hell was Y/N giving a present to?
It’s unknown for how long his frantic research could last if Y/N hadn’t bumped into him at the coffee machine one day.
“Robert, have you picked out a gift yet?” you asked curiously. He winced. He still couldn’t get used to you talking to him first.
“Uh, not yet?”
“But isn’t tomorrow the deadline?” you raised an eyebrow.
Damn it. Trying to track down your Santa, he completely forgot about Nanette.
“I think I’ll figure it out,” he shrugged uncertainly.
“Who is it, though?” you asked. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”
You couldn’t even imagine the crazy power you wielded over him. You could ask for the password to his bank account and he would gladly give it to you.
“It’s Nanette,” Robert said tiredly. “To be honest, I have no idea what to get her.”
Again, his heart sank in pain at the sight of your stunning smile.
“Oh! I know her! Maybe you’ll need some help tonight? I’m hitting the shops anyway.”
Robert nodded, unable to speak. He sometimes wondered what it was like to be open to everyone, to be ready to help. To be kind to everyone. Even to someone like him.
“I think the HR might have something to say about this,” he managed to say.
“Why?” you raised your eyebrows in genuine confusion. Robert looked into your eyes and realized that you truly, completely, one hundred percent did not understand what could possibly be inappropriate about this situation.
Two opposing emotions crashed through Robert. First, elation: he was going to the town with the girl of his dreams this evening. Second, devastation: the girl of his dreams was so utterly indifferent to him she did not even see him as a threat.
“Vanilla latte skim milk, captain?” you winked, reaching for the coffee cup.
As you two walked down the street, Robert half-listened to your chatter. His attention was glued to the world around him changing rapidly. He didn't understand what was happening to him. The shop’s decorations, the wreaths, the flickering lights which he had always been indifferent to, had somehow become brighter. Or, rather, he himself had become more appropriate on these streets. You could make anyone feel like the main character. Was this how everyone felt on Christmas?
Robert glanced into a lighted shop window. Nah, he looked as pathetic as ever. Y/N was probably making fun of him.
"... Nanette and I got close lately," you said cheerfully. "She mentioned her new apartment is quite cold, so we could probably get her some…"
Catching his expression, you frowned.
"Robert, you look like you've seen a ghost."
Robert chuckled awkwardly, looking down at his shoes. The delusion dissolved. He felt too heavy again, too noticeable, too clumsy.
"Just tired”.
“Oh”.
Pause.
“Anyway, how do you like it at ‘Callister’?” he muttered. “Made any… other friends there?"
“Oh, things got fantastic!” you exclaimed. “My best job so far. Everyone has been so nice to me, it’s almost embarrassing. Of course, switching from artist to designer wasn’t easy, but I’m glad you gave me a chance.”
He, Robert, had given you that chance. Never having interfered in hiring before, he had done everything in his power to ensure that you got the job. Though Walton’s skepticism had faded as you performed well, you could never win him over on your own.
“You’ve got such a friendly atmosphere!” you said. “I guess this is how people who create the universe should work.”
“Well,” Robert said. “I’m glad you got that impression. It doesn’t quite match mine.”
“Oh, am I missing something?” you laughed.
Your whole open, shining essence was so inviting that Robert nearly blurted, “I’m madly in love with you and I also sometimes fantasize about setting the office on fire and kicking Walton in the face.” For a heartbeat, he felt like baring his rotting soul in front of Y/N could stop this sickening ache.
Instead, Robert awkwardly pushed the store door open, letting you enter first.
You found a gift for Nanette pretty quickly. Knowing your new friend's tastes well, you picked out a sweater in her favorite colors and even found the perfect packaging. Watching you thoughtfully sift through the sheets of paper, Robert couldn't help but admire you. Like him, you were attentive to the world around you, but where he was expecting to see a threat, you were always ready to see a wonder.
He envied that trait more than anything.
That was probably why you could see through people so effortlessly, always knowing exactly what they needed. Robert wondered what it would be like to receive a gift from you. No doubt you were preparing something special for your Secret Santa match, something sweet and thoughtful wrapped with care. To get a present from you meant to receive the evidence that you looked into his soul with your shining eyes and found something worth warming. Sweet Jesus, he’d treasure a pack of napkins from you like a holy relic.
“Is your present ready yet?” Robert asked hopefully. Hoping that he could steal just another hour or more in your company.
“Of course,” you smiled cheerfully. “I don’t believe in last minute miracles.”
“What did you get?” he asked again, hoping that you might accidentally slip up and give them away.
“That’s classified,” you said seriously, tapping your nose. “What if you tell them?”
Robert had, in fact, planned to fire this man the next morning (something he had never done before, but hey, the things we do for love). Not that he mentioned it.
Awkwardly clutching the bundle with that stupid sweater to his chest, Robert walked you to the subway. You waved cheerfully at him goodbye, and he waved back sadly. Christmas was fading around him. He knew for sure that he was seeing you off for the last time, because you would never get out together like this.
The next morning, Robert deployed the virus to Kabir's workstation just in case. He still had no idea who he was giving the gift to, and decided not to take any chances. He didn't do it with much enthusiasm, though. Robert had the feeling that he was missing something, something desperately important and obvious, and that the person Y/N was giving the gift to had been right under his nose the whole time.
Robert also brought a small sketchbook with a starry sky on the cover, knowing full well that he wouldn't dare give it to you. He often did that, though - preparing for something he knew he wouldn't finish.
At 9:00 AM sharp on December 24th, Christmas erupted across “Callister”. ‘Santa’s’ were happily swapping packages, bags and boxes here and there. The office dissolved into the merry chaos, which now settled even on Elena's reception desk, where Karl had placed a solar-powered dancing bunny. Elena smiled graciously, the closest to gratitude anyone had ever seen on her face.
"Nanette," Robert began awkwardly, not looking her in the eye. "Uh, here." He thrust the gift at her like a hostage negotiator passing a briefcase.
God, he wished it was over already. He wished this day would come to an end. He knew for sure that during this holiday break he would do what he had been dreaming about for a long time.
Robert would drag a copy of Walton, Kabir and, maybe, Elena into the simulation and make them pay for everything. For the stupid Christmas, for the cursed game, for all the gifts Robert did not get, for Y/N, whom he did not get either. He transferred the DNA coder to his place last week. He still couldn’t bring himself to turn it on, but looking at this joyful party where he felt like an alien–
– who wouldn’t?
Nanette clapped her hands in joy, her already-wide eyes becoming saucers.
“Oh my God!” she exclaimed, unwrapping the sweater hastily. “I’ve been freezing all month! A sweater is just what I need this winter! Robert, where did you find this one? It’s cashmere! And the pattern, look at the pattern! Name the place, I’ll bankrupt them tomorrow!”
“Uh,” he said. The DNA coder thoughts had somehow faded into the background. You see, Robert, lifelong self-proclaimed “good guy,” was always terribly confused when he met genuine gratitude. “Trade secret.”
“Did someone tell you?” Nanette smiled.
“Rudolph,” Robert smiled wearily.
Nanette giggled.
“I wish Rudolph would give me some pointers… I’ve turned every art store upside down for a good set of watercolors. I have no idea what Y/N paints.”
The noise around them seemed to die down.
“What?”
“Well, watercolors. Y/N once mentioned that she prefers traditional painting to digital…”
“Are you getting her a gift?” Robert asked, two tones louder than he’d intended. Nanette stared at him, surprised.
“Actually, I already have.”
First thought: Kabir’s doomed. Second: nah, he deserves it. Third: holy shit-
“Oh, there she is!” Nanette breathed a sigh of relief, glad that she could end this weird conversation.
Robert turned around and for a heart-stopping moment he could swear he was hallucinating.
There you stood, a winter mirage in reindeer antlers. Your smile was shining. It could light up the room. It could even light up his soul, probably.
“Ho-ho-ho,” you exclaimed in an absurd deep Santa’s voice. “Robert Daly, tell me truthfully, were you a good boy this year?”
You were holding a thermos - a thermos with - oh, Mother of God - a thermos with a picture of a starship tearing into the sky.
"May the coffee from this space thermos warm you up on winter nights," you said in a normal voice. "I worked hard on the drawing, it's even dishwasher safe."
Let the curtain fall here.
Let it freeze this moment where two unwise children exchanged gifts. Let us not hear what Robert said to you and what you said to him; let's not know about HR’s inevitable memo; let us not know that a week later Robert accidentally knocked over a thermos full of coffee over a DNA coder that he never launched.
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"So don't talk to me like I'm a dipshit. I am not a dipshit. I am a guy who knows what the fuck is happening. And you will not defeat me, you sick Andromedan FUCK!"
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An important thing to remember when discussing Teddy Gatz as a character is that the Teddy we see throughout the majority Bugonia's runtime is actively being restrained.
When the film finally reveals what he's truly capable of, it exposes a potenial for violence that scares both audiences and Teddy himself.
Analysis below. TW for discussion of sexual assault and CSA.
The reveal occurs near the end of the film.
Michelle enters Teddy's "research room" and uncovers that her captor is a full-blown serial killer (one who's hoarding binders of pictures of his past victims, a corpse laid out on a slab, and countless pictures of Michelle herself). It's a blatant and snapping set of fingers in our faces.
Up until this point, we do not see Teddy as a bloodthirsty or vicious maniac. He's incredibly angry, yes. Delusional and hateful, sure, but wound up tight, with explosive outbursts in between.
Don is the main reason we get this version of Teddy. He acts as a temporary barrier between his cousin and his depravity. Michelle outright states this at one point.
We don't know the exact details behind how Don and Teddy's living situation came to be. However, we do know that Don is completely unaware of and thus not present for Teddy's prior murders.
Don serves as a stand-in for audiences; completely ignorant of Teddy's Andromedan beliefs and teachings. This is, of course, so we can learn alongside him, while sharing the tension of not knowing what Teddy could do next.
Don's involvement in Michelle's kidnapping is therefore necessary for the audience; however, I believe his inclusion is essential for Teddy as well.
When Teddy gets angry and throws a chair at Michelle, Don immediately gets up, ready to intervene. Later on, he rips out the power to stop Teddy from continuing to electrocute her. He repeatedly shows concern for, and doubt that Michelle is an alien at all. He's loyal to Teddy, but it's not a blind loyalty.
That should be a problem for Teddy, right?
Sure, Don helps shave off Michelle's hair, and he keeps an eye on her while Teddy is at work. But Teddy has already independently captured, held, and killed 10 people. Why does he suddenly bring in Don?
In my opinion, it's because Teddy is afraid of what he might do Michelle.
Her connection to Teddy, the circumstances of her capture and overall purpose, are VERY different from the 10 or so poor souls that Teddy previously got his hands on. While we don't know the exact circumstances, we get a general idea of what happened to them and what they were used for.
They were subdued by Teddy, taken to his home and kept in his basement. Their hair was shaved off and their bodies slathered in antihistamine cream. They were interrogated, tortured, experimented on and dissected. Some were kept as specimens after their deaths. The two (according to Teddy) confirmed Andromedans likely served as key reference points for his research. Models for his sketches of Andromedan anatomy.
We don't know who these victims were, or why Teddy thought they were aliens. We don't know where he found them or if they had a prior relationship with Teddy before he killed them.
BUT. We do know some very important things. Namely that:
1. Teddy used them as fodder for his experiments. He was always going to kill these people, so his treatment of them didn't really matter.
2. They were (from what we see) all men.
Enter Michelle.
According to Teddy, Michelle plays an administrative role for the Andromedans - he thinks of her as a secretary. He needs to broker a sit-down with her leaders, so he's forcing Michelle to arrange this meeting. Unlike his previous captives, Teddy needs Michelle ALIVE. He can't treat her as disposable. He can't snap and harm her. Not to the extent he may really, really want to.
As we find out, Michelle and Teddy already have a connection. Not only is she the CEO of the company he works for, but the figure he associates with the complete destruction of his life. Michelle is who a young Teddy faced when his mother, Sandy, fell into a coma. It was HER medical trial that did this, so she becomes the scapegoat for the rest of his perceived injustices. She's killing his mom -> she's killing the bees -> she's killing all of humanity!
Teddy therefore has all the justification he needs to humiliate and dehumanize Michelle. He has her shaved bald and covers her body in antihistamine cream while she's unconscious, just like his previous victims. He treats her like a lab animal while explaining the Andromedan signs to Don; touching her face and hands to accentuate his points. He refers to her as "it" and urges Don to do the same. But don't worry, he assures, this is for a greater cause.
Teddy aims to get one point clearly across: Michelle Fuller is an alien. She's a bee killer. She's aiming to dismantle humanity entirely. She's stolen my mother from me. She's a mind reader, a manipulator, a heartless killer. You might feel bad for her, Don, but that's exactly what she wants. Don't fall for it. She does not deserve our respect, and we can treat her as we please.
This is a terrifying scenario. When considering the circumstances laid out above, sexual assault is an immediate concern. Teddy is a very angry man. He's not above hurting Michelle when his temper takes over, even when Don is around to discourage or stop him. He throws a chair at Michelle. He slaps her. He electrocutes her until she's howling in pain and bleeding from the mouth. Later on, he gets on top of Michelle and strangles her.
An angry man has kidnapped a woman he believes has ruined his life. He has her tied up in his basement, below his farm house in the middle of nowhere. She is completely powerless.
If Teddy can do all that I've mentioned previously, it's natural to assume that sexual assault should be a concern as well... but the film assures us otherwise. Teddy himself makes deliberate decisions to make it impossible.
First, there's Don. Teddy loves his cousin. He wants to be a hero for humanity, and certainly a hero for Don. By using Don as his barrier, Teddy keeps himself in check. He's not going to kill Michelle, and he's not going to do anything too monstrous. Nothing that isn't essential for his mission, even if he has a slip here and there. He can't if he's going to stay heroic.
Don isn't the only barrier Teddy uses, however. We have to recognize the most blatant step Teddy takes, and why.
Teddy's decision to chemically castrate himself is an extremely important aspect of his character. I've seen many people say how relieved they felt after seeing this part of the film, which tells us that Teddy and Don are never going to be able sexually assault Michelle. I felt the same way.
Teddy feels the same way.
When Teddy was a kid, he was sexually abused by his babysitter turned cop, Casey. This permanently warps and taints his view of sex. In Teddy's own words: sex is something inherently dirty and painful.
Shortly after telling Don his master plan to kidnap Michelle, Teddy pitches the idea of chemical castration, asserting to Don that the procedure is an ESSENTIAL step.
Teddy tells Don that ANY urges related to sex will completely overpower them. "Fuck filler" is the enemy of logic. While you could read this as Teddy's concern that Michelle will try to "seduce" and thus compromise them, I see this line as Teddy telling on himself.
Promotional material for the film indicates that Teddy has been stalking Michelle for a while. He's been memorizing her daily routine and following her to her regular coffee shops. His research room is decked out with pictures of and articles about her. He hates her. He's hated her ever since he was a kid. He's obsessed with her.
Casey, Teddy's abuser, views Teddy's CSA as a the result of a "fucked up power thing" - "oh, I didn't like it. I wasn't attracted to you or anything. I was fucked up and sad and lonely and just liked having power over another person." Casey describes the abuse in this way to downplay his role in it, to make him seem misunderstood; however, this description is incredibly relevant to Teddy's actions.
By kidnapping Michelle, Teddy has every possible opportunity to enact his own "fucked up power thing." Like Michelle says in their first conversation, "I'm not in charge here, you are."
Teddy is fully aware of this.
The "psychic compulsions" he alludes to read most clearly as intrusive thoughts or impulses related to sexual assault. It isn't crazy to think that it's crossed Teddy's mind - the idea of inflicting the same pain he experienced on someone he hates so much. The urge is there. He knows he could act on it.
So, what does Teddy do? He nips it in the bud.
Through chemical castration, Teddy kills not only the urge, but the ability to act it out entirely. In his mind, he no longer needs to fear becoming like his abuser. He's free of those compulsive, violent thoughts.
He has to ensure Don follows suit, of course - any man, even the younger cousin he loves so much, has the same potential to perpetuate this evil. These neurons and pain traps are innate to everyone, and must be dealt with.
I want to conclude by circling back to Teddy's previous victims, and the horror that these brief glances into what Teddy is truly capable of inspire.
The men are shown bound, gagged, and stripped down to their boxers. They're tied so tightly that they have wounds on their ankles and wrists. Their mouths are covered with duct tape. Their eyes are wide with fear.
If Bugonia featured THIS Teddy, the Teddy as he was on the other end of the camera lens, alone, without the barriers he sets up... we would experience a very different film.
Michelle escapes these conditions and worse only because of what Teddy needs her for, and the decisions he makes prior to her capture.
In short, Teddy's chemical castration is a very telling part of his character and mindset. It occurs so early on in the film that it may, at first, simply read as a quick way to assure audiences: "hey, this film might be fucked up, but there won't be any sexual assault in it."
While I think it partly exist to do this, the procedure, to Teddy, is a necessity, meant to limit his worst urges while he pursues his ultimate goal of saving the world.
It isn't going to happen, but it certainly could have.
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