Lily J. Evans

With the change in weather, James had gotten to where he spent nearly all his freetime outside.  Whether that meant flying down at the pitch, or just finding a way to escape the claustrophobi feeling he sometimes got from staying inside to long on nice days, he tried to stay outside as much as possible.  After dinner every night, he’d taken to going on walks, just trying to get a little time to himself in order to figure out what he wanted to do next year.  Seventh year was going to be big, and he knew that he couldn’t keep up the shit he’d pulled this year then.  Not if he wanted to make it outside of these walls.  Not if he wanted to join up with whatever cause was starting to fight back.  Still, it was starting to get dark, so James knew he’d have to head back in.  Right when he started walking back to the castle, the shape of a cat came bounding toward him.  How he and Lily had ever agreed to co-parent this thing was beyond him, just like the fact that she hadn’t taken off his collar that she’d given him for his birthday.  Picking up Benry, James scratched the cat behind the ears as he carried him back toward the castle, coming upon Lily first.  “It’s your night,” he said simply.  His tone was more businesslike than anything when he spoke again, completely different from how they used to speak to one another.  “He’s getting bad about not wanting to stay with who he’s supposed to.  Should I get like… a carrier or something for him so we can make sure he doesn’t keep running away?”

She didn’t hear him coming; it was unfortunate, really, because James was the last person she wanted to see right now. "I’m aware,” she replied, sighing as she drew her gaze from him, down to their cat, “of both of those things.” Raising her eyebrow at a cat who decidedly did not care, Lily shook her head. “No, no carriers. I hate those things. I’d never forgive myself for letting him be put in one unless it was absolutely necessary.” Continuing to shake her head for a moment longer, she held up her hands. “He’s a cat. Domesticity doesn’t change that,” she said, a little on the defeated side. “He’s going to do what he’s going to do, and we’ll either keep chasing him around the castle, or we won’t, and we’ll just let him come back when he’s ready to. I don’t know what else there is to do about it. He’s probably only doing it because it drives us both mad. Besides,” she added, dropping and sliding her hands into her back pockets. “It’s not something we’ll have to deal with long, anyways. When the term’s over, he’s going home to Cokeworth with me, and we’ll figure out a new plan, then. If you want to.”

Before anyone could sit down, Marlene quickly cleared a spot in the library with an aggressive force. It was shocking that nothing went flying across the room. “Pick a different spot,” she demanded without looking to see who had approached the other side of the table.

“I can’t,” Lily said, shrugging. It was unlucky, really, that Marlene was already in a mood, but Lily didn’t have any other options. She’d already waited far too long to tell her the truth, and if she waited until the summer, Marlene would never forgive her. “I have to tell you something, and you’re not gonna like it, but you’re already mad,  and I need to talk about it, so, here we go,” Lily said, quickly, not really giving Marlene time to argue, or insist that she be left all to herself. “Potter and I were dating, and then we broke up, and I think he’s getting back with Pandora, but also, I kind of hooked up with Amos Diggory so I don’t know if I’m allowed to be mad at him about Pandora. And I think we’re supposed to still be friends, but I don’t know if we are. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I’m telling you now, so I know you’re mad at me, but please. Help.”

Why, for the love of everything ever, did it seem every student at this school had to have an animal that wanted to kill him?! It wasn’t Peter’s fault his animagus form was a rat! Yet here he was, running for dear life, again, from someone’s pet that didn’t want to stay with its owner. At least this cat was slower and wanted to “stalk” him first, giving Peter time to scurry away and transfigure back. Once again, he was lucky no one was around, and once he was able to slow his racing heart, he called the cat over, finally recognizing it, and scooping him up. “Oh, you are in so much trouble, Mister. Just wait until I tell your Dad on you. You’re not allowed to eat your Uncle, you here?” Peter scolded the cat, even pointing his finger at Benry’s nose. His reply was a confused meow as he sniffed Peter’s finger, probably still smelling the scent of a rat, but slightly different now.

The faint yell of a long name caught Peter’s ear as he looked around, then back to Benry. “Is your Mum looking for you? You really are a bad cat. Well, come on then fur ball. And no trying to claw your way out of this!” Peter continued to talk to the cat as he followed Lily’s shouts, finally yelling back when he’d gotten close enough. “Oi, Lily! I got em!”

She’d lost sight of Benry pretty quickly after chasing him outside, but that hadn’t stopped her from trying to catch up. As it happened, she was running in completely the wrong direction when she heard the familiar sound of Peter’s voice shouting back at her in the distance. Unwilling to write it off as a total loss as she jogged back in the direction Pete’s shout had come from, Lily decided that she would have caught him eventually, considering he’d apparently been within shouting distance. All the same though, the redhead was breathless as she came to a slow walk, approaching Peter and her naughty feline escape artist. “Ugh, thanks, Pete,” she huffed gratefully, trying to catch her breath.

“I’ve gotten all my exercise for this year, and next,” she swore, her pants becoming far less, and steady breaths far more, frequent. “We were in the tower, and Marlene came in to go to bed, and he nipped out the door, and then he slipped out the portrait hole as someone came in, and as you can see for yourself, he made it all the way out here before he got stopped.” She frowned, shaking her head at Benry as she reached out to take him, gently, from Pete’s arms. “Thank you, by the way. Honestly. You are my hero, Peter Pettigrew. My. Hero.” She raised her gaze, looking back at Pete with eyes full of affection and warmth.  “And you,” she added, her eyes narrowing as they fell back on the cat in her arms, lounging as though he had no care in the world, “you, sir, get no treats tonight. You didn’t happen to see what he was chasing after, did you?” she asked suddenly, her train of thought derailed for the moment. “I don’t even know for certain what to tell him off for,” she admitted, laughing.

Amos had been glad his father pushed him so hard to become a prefect. No, really. As much as he hated walking around the corridor at night with the intention of punishing students, he was glad that he got to meet so many people, and help them –– he even often let them go with a warning and escorted them to their common rooms safely. After all, the castle was large, and hard to navigate after nightfall, especially for the younger students he caught out at night, often having lost their way. Besides that, it certainly came with its benefits: professors treated him a little nicer, the authority was pleasant when he needed it, and, best of all, he got to relax in a beautiful, private bathroom.

There he sat in the large pool of a bathtub, filled to the brim with warm water and bubbles, the air filled with steam and the scent of lavender, chamomile, and rose; it was a blend of essential oils his mother had used when she bathed him as a child, and he continued to use to this day to bring a small bit of home and comfort into his life. He was completely relaxed, all but his face within the warm water, as he felt his entire body at ease from the heat, and his head cleared by the aroma surrounding him. 

It was when he heard wet footsteps that his feeling of relaxation was broken, as he knew he was no longer alone. Well, he didn’t mind sharing a bath with another one of the prefect boys –– it wasn’t like they hadn’t before, and the bath was certainly big enough for multiple people to have their own time of relaxation. He pushed himself up to sit on the edge, his head of damp hair, his face beaded with sweat, and the upper half of his torso slowly coming out from beneath the bubbles as he looked to see who had joined him. Eyes widened at the sight of long, red hair, alerting him that it was not another boy who had come to join him. 

His face felt warm and his cheeks turned red, even more so at the eye contact that had then been made between the two. At the sight of a startled, blushing Lily Evans arms splashed from the water to grab his towel and cover his bare chest, as if he had anything to hide, and he, too, looked away, up into the designs of the glass windows, or the vaulted ceilings, or really anywhere but the girl he caught in the middle of disrobing. 

“Oh, no no no, it’s quite alright!” he insisted loud enough to hear his voice echo from the walls, before he used his hands against the edge of the bath to bring himself to the farthest side of the bath from her, staring into the direction he was moving and definitely not at her. Placing his towel back on the ledge and being sure he was sitting so that anything below his bellybutton was hidden under a nice, opaque layer of bubbles. It was for her sake, more than his; he didn’t really have any qualms about being seen half naked, and didn’t really buy into any sense of modesty when it came to that sort of thing, but he certainly understood that others may not be so comfortable with that and didn’t wish to weird her out. He quickly added, a little quieter this time, “It’s no worries! Tons of the other prefects come in during my baths all the time. And don’t worry, I’m not looking!”

“I can leave, if you’d like! I can take a bath later,” he insisted, glancing at her face and her face only for a second before averting his gaze back up to the ceiling, pretending to admire the architecture. He laughed and grinned, as a reaction for when he had no idea how else to react to the situation. “It’s no problem, I promise. I’ll go if you want!”

Two blushing fools in a bathroom, and all Lily could do, really, was laugh. This was beyond awkward, and Lily certainly felt foolish, but after the last several months of insanity she had endured (and put herself through) it felt pretty good to laugh. She wasn’t looking at Amos, and Amos wasn’t looking at her. He’d covered himself, and moved, then uncovered himself, and Lily definitely was not looking at him through the corner of her eye as she shifted her weight, trying to figure out her next move. 

She could turn and bolt, certainly, and she didn’t think Amos would fault her for that. She could get in the bath like she’d intended all along, and he’d said himself that he wouldn’t mind if she did, silly as that seemed to her.  Where was the bold Lily from a few months back who had found the courage to say what she wanted and go after it? Where was she? That girl had gotten naked, or nearly so, with James Potter several times, and not once had she felt shy about it. That girl had also let herself believe that a secret relationship was the best move, though, and look at how that had turned out. This was just a bath, a huge bath at that. 

“You were here, first,” she pointed out, dipping her head as she laughed softly once more. “I’m the one who barged in.” When she looked (no, glanced, because she definitely wasn’t looking) towards Amos again, she found him with his head high, staring at the ceiling, and she shook her head at herself, both for being silly, and for the Marlene-style move she knew was coming. With Amos’ attention technically elsewhere, Lily loosened her hold on the robe, and let it slip off of her, stepping into the bath in the seconds that followed. She quickly found the nearest ledge to plant herself on, pulling what bubbles she could towards her person to help keep herself modest. “You don’t have to leave, Amos, don’t be silly. Besides, now that I’ve joined you, you almost have to stay to avoid hurting my feelings,” she added teasingly.

The water was just as relaxing as she’d been hoping for before intruding on Amos, and Lily leaned back against the edge of the bath, grateful, not for the first time, that her smaller stature was lending a hand in keeping her less visible beneath the water even as the bubbles dissipated some. “I can’t say that I’ve ever shared a bath with anyone before, though.” This time, she did look over at Amos, giving him a bright, teasing smile. “I usually lock the door from the inside so that no one will barge in on me, even when they have the password.” She raised an eyebrow, her grin slowly turning more smirk-like. “But I suppose a fit Quidditch star like yourself doesn’t have any reason to shy away from admirers hoping to sneak a peek, eh?”

He thought about making a quip about his looks being what was distracting her.  But, he was fairly certain it would be met with a scoff or an insult and it wasn’t worth it.  He was finding that a lot of things just weren’t worth it anymore when it came to Lily.  And sure, she was right.  It was his idea to tag along with her.  Still, it wasn’t his fault that he was so restless.  She knew that about him.  And she should probably know being around her for too long made that restlessness become far worse.

Muttering a few choice words under his breath, James moved back to his seat and switched out the books he was working with.  There was a slamming of covers, too loud rustling of pages, all to get under her skin once more.  Resting his forehead on his hand, James read through a few paragraphs of the book, glancing up at Lily to see if she was looking back at him.  Finally, when he could stand the quiet no longer, James dropped his hand before leaning forward.

“Are you happy?”  He asked.  This time, there was no hint of him trying to start a fight.  A legitimate question, asked in a normal tone of voice.  Something that seemed a rarity for him lately.

Lily didn’t even bother to ask him to repeat what he’d muttered at her- she just didn’t care enough to want to know. It wasn’t worth the fight; she had work to do. And, even though he’d done it with more than enough drama, James sitting down and shutting up was the first time his presence hadn’t grated on her nerves today. He was too much, too often, and it was only getting worse. They’d never bounced back from his birthday, Lily too frustrated (and too petty) to quit picking little fights with him every chance she got since, picking at the scab and refusing to let it heal. 

She watched him for a moment, when he’d finally simmered down long enough to be actually silent, and for that brief little moment, she thought maybe, just maybe, she wouldn’t strangle him after all. Her moment didn’t last long, though, because just as Lily was about to turn her attention back to her studies, he was right back on the strangle list. “Potter..,” she started, only the softest hint of desperation in her voice. Why was he like this? Why did he always have to be so distracting? She knew better than to hope, though, and she sighed, closing her book and leaning forward to put her chin in her hand, elbow propped on the table as she considered the question. “It sort of depends on the parameters, don’t you think?” she replied, finally. 

“I mean, if you mean right now, right at this very moment, then the answer is no- I’m very frustrated, and trying really hard to stay calm and be patient, because I know you.” Lily sighed, shifting until she could fold her arms on the table top, keeping her eyes on his face in the hopes that he would really hear her. “If you mean in general, well, then, also no, because, again, I’m frustrated, and I have a lot going on, and I can’t talk to anybody about it but you, which would normally be fine because it’s you, and I can tell you anything, and know that you’re going to hear me out and help me fix it, except that I can’t even talk to you, because it’s about you, and I worry that you wouldn’t be able to listen to me as a best friend or as a boyfriend, because you would be too busy defending yourself to really listen to what I was saying.” One more sigh left her, Lily wondering how on earth all of that had come out, when she’d intended to say that ‘yes, I am perfectly happy, thank you very much.’. “You’re not happy, are you?” she asked a moment later, her voice as level as his had been.

Lily’s mind was elsewhere, as it often was these days, as she entered the Prefects’ bathroom. If she’d been paying attention, if she’d listened to the painting, if she’d noticed the steam in the room, the clothes off to the side... if she hadn’t been feeling sorry for herself, and vindicated, and if she hadn’t been thinking about James fucking Potter, she might have turned around and walked right back out the way she’d come. But Lily wasn’t paying attention, and she hadn’t listened to the painting trying to warn her. She didn’t notice the steamy air, and she didn’t notice the clothes, either. Lily was in her own little world as she barged right on in, blissfully unaware that the bath was already occupied.

She dropped her little case of toiletries, toed her shoes off, and was untying her robe, already thinking about bubbles and scents, when she actually happened to look up, only to find someone staring back at her. It all seemed to hit her at once; the steam, the warning of the painting, the clothes, Amos Diggory naked in the bath....

Amos!

Okay, so that last one took a moment to register with Lily. “I’m sorry!” she shouted, darting backwards, flushing red, and staring pointedly away from him. She wasn’t sure whether she was more embarrassed for walking in on him or for staring, but at this point it really didn’t matter. “I didn’t realize you were in here. I’m sorry! I’m not staring, I promise!” 

I Don’t Know How Much Vodka Lily Put In This But I’m Going To Drink It Anyways And Pretend I Loved It: a memoir