I know not a lot of people will see this, or probably just not care, but I wanted to talk about it anyway.
So I recently had my first wellness checkup, and the doctor referred me to their counselor/therapist, after prescribing me zoloft (YAYAYAY), and oral contraceptive š¤ It's to help me with a lot of things, but I was told that it could also help my motivation come back!
So, I'm gonna cross my fingers, toes, AND my titties that it works and that I can finally write for all of you.
I don't want to get all emotional, but these last few years have been hell for me. Physically, environmentally, and most of all, I've just been mentally drained for years. To be completely honest, I don't remember a time when I wasn't drained.
I feel terrible about it, too, because I made this blog, made it all cute SEVERAL fuckin' times, planned it all out and even got a few requests from people. (Which I can't explain, just HOW happy that makes me.)
But at the end of the day, I promised something and failed to deliver for... Almost 5 years, I think? š But so many of you haven't given up on me. Most of my requests are from people who make it VERY CLEAR that they can wait and who are trying not to make me feel pressured!
I used to write years ago (It was on Wattpad, and I deleted it since š), but I loved it! I still love thinking about ideas, thinking of possible plot, planning it all out, and then making it all look nice in my drafts.
But the problem is that I don't actually write anything. I make it look nice (I add my template/introduction, some borders, and pictures), save, and then back out.
And I can't promise that I'm going to immediately start posting regularly, but after that zoloft kicks in after a couple of days, I am locking the fuck in and giving you guys anything you want for putting up with my bs for so long š
Again, I don't think people will read this but I wanted to give an explanation.
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going through a zack and cody phase at my BIG AGE is so embarrassing but I also feel like I'm 8 again and it's a Saturday afternoon and im laying on the living room couch all day watching disney, while my dad and grandpa busy themselves sooo,I'll take that comfort.
but anywaysss,its so hard to find actual discussion posts abt this show..every single tag is just filled with the dinner reservation like WE GET IT!
like pls I just wanna read an in depth character study abt Zack Martin ...is that too much to ask??
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Haruhi fujioka really is the character ever. Going by any pronouns in 2006. Big beautiful brown eyes like a baby cow. Constant deadpan delivery. Getting bitches constantly. Reacts to romantic advances with a thousand-yard goldfish stare. Perfect flawless protagonist 10/10
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there is! itās called cnc, itās very common among rape victims. as a csa victim, iām actually into it. itās a self destructive kink of wanting to relive your trauma and have control over the situation. being able to tell them to stop. what you want. getting the validation you needed when it actually happened. dark but true. many donāt actually participate in it but the desire is still there which is why people (including myself) write for it. hope that helps i actually get that question a lot! š¤
to have control over the situation, and not necessarily. if you were forced to do something you didnāt want to do and you had the chance to redo it the way you wanted it to happen, many people would take the chance, because it gives you closure. unfortunately itās hard to explain unless you were raped, seems to especially be true for people who were raped at a young age, for me it was from 4-12. but itās just how some people work through their trauma. my therapist said itās actually pretty common among victims. hope that helps! š¤
I gotcha , itās basically getting your power/control back. that actually sounds pretty powerful honestly. & Iām so sorry you had to experience something like that so young.
itās okay! i guess brothers and uncles are just eccentric like that lol, healing from it and doing well so everythingās good. and yeah it can feel that way! on another note yuck finals, just one more test and itās over! iām going straight home i was like fuck clubs šš¤.
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comfort characters should be normalized. not the whole "oh i love this character, i watch the show just to see them because they bring me comfort!" thing, cuz i think thats already normalized
comfort characters that you can imagine soothing you to sleep should be normalized. imo i lovee imagining my comfort character next to me as i walk to school, or as i fall asleep. i imagine them telling me that everything will be alright.
i think carrying your cc around in your headspace should be normalized. i like it when a character i like comments on things i do in real life. i like talking to them in my head.
PRETENDING YOUR BLORBO IS REAL AND INTERACTING WITH THEM SHOULD BE SOMETHING MORE PEOPLE DO!!! trust me, it is SO FUN!!!!!!
This motherfucker has been in my brain, rent free since 2021 š. But I love him if you couldn't tell š. He brings me SO much comfort no matter what.
If I'm having a hard time going to sleep? SCENARIO. š
If I feel anxious? SCENARIO. š
If I feel cuddly? SCENARIO. š
If I feel like a song I'm listening to relates to them? SCENARIO. š
If I'm out shopping by myself? SCENARIO. š
I absolutely love doing this, and it has honestly gotten to the point sometimes, where I'll do it in a situation I don't want to š. (Like showering or in the middle of a conversation with someone Ect.)
But yeah! I totally agree. It should absolutely be normalized! ā”ā„ļø
real talk: this is my baby. i started it over three months ago. this is one of the most well-made songs iāve ever heard and itās literally about doomscrolling. syncing the music to the extremely fast pace of the drums was so unbelievably difficult but so so worth it. genuinely one of my favorite things iāve ever made, to the point that iāve been procrastinating posting it for several weeks in case only like two people see it.
but who cares!!! i just wish that whatever two people see it think itās as cool as i do
take a peek under the cut for the ramblings of a madwoman who spent way too long meticulously planning out every single shot of this thing
okay so iāve had a recent fixation on djo, and when i heard this song for the first time i was like āgoddamn those drums are so cool, the buildup is fantastic, the vocals are done so well, overall itās just super goodā and then i thought nothing of it otherwise that it was a great song
but then i got this particular bit stuck in my head and suddenly the lyrics started clicking with the siblings a bit too well and i was like..ok so i have no choice but to spend entirely too much time assembling an edit to this particular bit right. like thereās no question i simply have to right
anyway i really did think it would be one of those projects so big that i would procrastinate it until i no longer had any motivation to actually make it and then lo and behold i was just too excited not to get going. so i did
anyway ok so i pictured this edit broken up into three main parts:
a) fiveās experience with the apocalypse, since the events of the show basically wouldnāt exist without his knowledge and determination to stop it
b) viktorās descent into the white violin
c) the four apocalypses and what caused them all building up to this climax before dropping off into the shot of the marigolds at the very end. because if i was a casual viewer that wouldāve personally made me lose my marbles
hereās a lyric analysis in the context of tua + the specific visuals i had pictured:
something is about to break ā five is about to run right into the apocalypse and change his life in a devastating way / the meal directly before five leaves, cutting abruptly to him realizing his mistake while surrounded by destruction
the fault line has been fractured ā nothing can change the inevitability of what is about to happen, five has always been stubborn and determined and he was always going to run right into his own downfall / five with his siblings, seemingly content to stay with them
maybe itās not too late ā exactly what it says, maybe itās not too late for five to turn around and save himself / mere moments before his mistake, as he runs out of the academy to go prove himself
to learn how to love each other ā five can still turn around and realize that what he has is all he needs and that venturing into the unknown may end badly for him / five opening the gates and saying goodbye to the life he couldāve held onto
whatās it gonna take to change it? ā what could possibly change the outcome now that fiveās messed up? (not a single thing) / five slowly realizing his mistake and trying to undo it contrasted directly to his siblingsā continued lives at the academy
donāt you wanna save this planet? ā wouldnāt it have been better to have thought this through? what if heād been able to prevent the apocalypse by sticking around? (he couldnāt have) / continued shots of five v. his siblings
blame it on manipulation ā five could tell himself that it didnāt have to be this way and that it all happened because he just wanted to prove himself to his father / continues shots of five v. his siblings, except heās come to terms with his situation and heās now doing what it takes to survive + growing up in this terrible place
weāre human after all ā exactly what it says, five was always going to make this mistake because heās only human at the end of the day / five slowly turning to the handler after hearing her offer, taking in the thought of exactly what heās going to have to do to survive and save his family
second time through . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
something is about to break ā viktor is about to cause the apocalypse and thereās nothing anyone can do to stop it / viktor getting overwhelmed by the things heās learned and his newly-discovered abilities and hurting allison
the fault line has been fractured ā the damage has been done, viktor has been hurt and lied to and manipulated and itās all going to topple over uncontrollably / viktor discovering leonardās lie and killing him
maybe itās not too late ā maybe if things change, maybe if his siblings could listen and understand whatās going on, the apocalypse wouldnāt be inevitable (it always will be) / viktor going back to the academy to check on allison and ask for forgiveness, just to be locked away like he always has been
to learn how to love each other ā luther and klaus and diego can still try talking to viktor before he descends to a point of no return (they wonāt) / viktor trying to convince them to let him out and talking to a vision of his younger self
whatās it gonna take to change it? ā what could possibly stop viktor now, as he destroys the academy and leaves for the concert at the end of the world? (nothing can) / viktor looking through the home he grew up in and seeing nothing but his familyās contempt for him, leaving nothing but destruction in his wake
donāt you wanna save this planet? ā couldnāt this have been prevented? couldnāt his siblings have just talked to him and helped him work through his trauma? couldnāt that alone have saved so many lives? (of course not) / viktor getting ready for his final concert
blame it on manipulation ā viktor spent his entire life thinking he was worthless at the manipulation of his father, causing the neglect to build up into mass devastation / viktor seeing allison as he plays and thinking sheās finally there for him, just to discover it was all a ploy to stop him
weāre human after all ā viktor is only human, when driven to the point heās at, he can only take so much before everything builds up and comes to an end / the last moments before everything explodes
anyway thatās about it. i cannot actually express with words how much i loved making this despite how tedious and painstaking it was (and how much i did NOT want to watch s4 to scavenge for clips and also edit them).
i genuinely donāt know if anyone is reading this because itās more for me to just ramble about a bit of a passion project for me lol. but if you are, i love you thanks
anyway LISTEN TO DJO!!!! listen to djo, especially this song, because i fucking levitated the first time i just sat down and listened to this song, with headphones on and my eyes shut, and took it all in. itās a song about doomscrolling for the love of god, but the lyrics are masterly crafted and the instrumentals are heavenly. djo is a warlock we charge at dawn
also hereās some more of me rambling about it because i truly never shut up
ok thanks so much for reading and watching and supporting have a lovely day!! mwah mwah mwah
I absolutely love this! I'm still obsessed with TUA, and so seeing not only edits of it but such a great, broken-down character analysis is so fuckin cool!
