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I write exclusively Number Five Hargreeves fanfiction. If you have any requests for one shots featuring Five x reader-insert or my original characters, please let me know! Use the Ask Me Anything button for requests but please read my rules first. I may not be able to accommodate all requests, however. Thank you for understanding! ❤️

The only "rules" I have are as follows ( no judgement to anyone, I just have my preferences):

Five will be aged up to at least 17 or 18 (body wise) or older

Five is an old man underneath it all, so no teenage romances or crushes

No rape/non-con, but dub-con is ok

No ABO, hardcore BDSM, Yandere

I will not be writing any Five/Lila ships, sorry!

*Updated April 2026* Requests CLOSED

inkspiredwriting

The Question

Five Hargreeves x Fem!reader

Summary: Little Maddie has a question.

Warnings: none

It started like any other Saturday morning.

Y/n was sipping her coffee, Five had the newspaper spread out in front of him like a man clinging to his last shred of sanity, little Milo playing with his cars, and eight-year-old Maddie was coloring at the kitchen table with the intensity of a professional artist.

Everything was quiet. Peaceful. Domestic bliss.

Until Maddie looked up, her crayon hovering in midair.

“Mommy? Daddy?” she asked innocently.

Five lowered the paper an inch. Y/n glanced up from her mug. “Yes, sweetheart?”

Maddie tilted her head, her expression deadly serious. “How are babies made?”

The room froze.

Y/n nearly spat out her coffee. Five blinked at her like someone had just pulled the fire alarm in his brain.

“I’m sorry,” Five said flatly, “what?”

Maddie repeated, slowly and clearly, “How. Are. Babies. Made?”

Y/n shot her husband a panicked look. “Okay, um—honey, why do you ask?”

“Because Chloe at school said her mom has a baby in her tummy,” Maddie explained matter-of-factly. “And then she said her parents ‘did it.’ And then everyone laughed. What’s ‘it’? And how do babies get in tummies?”

Y/n buried her face in her hands. “Oh my god.”

Five set down his newspaper, leaned forward, and muttered, “I knew sending her to public school was a mistake.”

“Five,” Y/n hissed, elbowing him. “Focus.”

Maddie tapped her crayon against the table impatiently. “Well? Don’t you know? You’re grown-ups.”

Five exhaled slowly, running a hand over his face like he was preparing to deliver a eulogy. “Alright. You want to know how babies are made? Here’s the thing—”

Y/n smacked his arm before he could get too far. “Not like that!” she whispered fiercely. “She’s eight!”

“I was going to keep it simple!” he shot back.

“Your version of simple is not my version of simple,” Y/n hissed.

Meanwhile, Maddie looked back and forth between them, suspicious. “Why are you whispering? Is it a secret?”

“No!” Y/n said too quickly.

“Yes,” Five muttered at the same time.

Maddie narrowed her eyes. “You’re hiding something.”

Y/n plastered on her brightest smile. “Sweetheart, we’re not hiding anything. It’s just… a big question.”

“Then give me a big answer.”

Y/n sighed, trying to think. “Okay. Well… babies start when two people love each other very much”

Five groaned. “Oh, we’re really doing that cliché?”

“Do you have a better one?”

“Yes, actually. Science.”

Y/n raised her eyebrows. “You want to talk science?”

“Better than love metaphors!” Five retorted.

Maddie crossed her arms. “I’m still waiting.”

Five leaned toward his daughter, hands clasped like a professor about to give a lecture. “Alright, here’s the deal. Half of the ingredients come from the mom, half from the dad. They combine, and the baby grows inside the mom’s uterus. Nine months later, voilà, baby.”

Maddie frowned. “What ingredients?”

Y/n pinched the bridge of her nose. “Oh boy.”

“Well, uh,” Five faltered, realizing he’d just cornered himself. “It’s like… like baking a cake. You need flour and sugar. Mom brings flour. Dad brings sugar. You mix them together and—”

“Wait,” Maddie interrupted, wrinkling her nose. “So babies are made of cake?”

Y/n snorted into her coffee.

Five glared at her. “Not helping.”

“I’m sorry,” Y/n whispered, laughing. “Cake babies.”

Maddie, however, looked horrified. “Does that mean I’m cake?!”

“No!” Five said quickly, holding up his hands. “You’re not cake. It was an analogy.”

“What’s an anal-ogy?”

“A comparison,” Five explained. “Like… never mind. Forget the cake. You’re made of… cells. Living building blocks. Tiny things you can’t see without a microscope.”

Maddie thought about this. “So I’m tiny blocks?”

“Yes,” Five said, relieved. “Exactly.”

Y/n groaned. “She’s going to go to school Monday and tell everyone she’s made of cake and blocks.”

Maddie perked up. “I like that. Cake blocks.”

After a moment, Maddie leaned forward again, clearly not done. “Okay, but how do the ingredients get together? Like… how does the sugar and flour mix?”

Y/n nearly choked.

Five rubbed his temples. “We are not having this conversation right now.”

“Why not?” Maddie demanded. “You said I should always ask questions. And this is a question.”

Y/n sighed, shooting her husband a look that said you deal with this.

“Fine,” Five said. “It’s… biology. Moms and dads have… special parts that fit together like puzzle pieces. That’s how the ingredients meet.”

Maddie gasped, eyes wide. “Like Legos?!”

Y/n doubled over laughing, tears streaming down her face.

Five closed his eyes. “I regret everything.”

Y/n tried to pull herself together. “Okay, okay. Maddie, it’s a little more complicated than Legos, but your dad’s not wrong. Moms and dads each have a piece of a puzzle, and when they fit together, that makes a baby start growing.”

Maddie blinked. “So Chloe’s mom and dad did a puzzle, and now they’re having a baby?”

Five massaged his forehead. “Sure. Let’s go with that.”

For a second, the room was quiet. Then Maddie’s eyes lit up with mischief. “Did you and Dad do a puzzle?”

Y/n froze. Five froze.

Maddie grinned. “You must have. Twice! Because me and Milo.”

Y/n’s face turned crimson. Five muttered, “This conversation is officially over.”

“Why?” Maddie asked innocently.

“Because I said so,” Five snapped.

Y/n leaned in, whispering through her laughter, “You’re blushing.”

“I am not,” Five hissed, clearly blushing.

That night, after Maddie was in bed, Y/n collapsed on the couch beside Five, still laughing.

“She thinks she’s made of cake blocks,” Y/n wheezed.

Five groaned. “This is your fault. You started with the ‘when two people love each other’ speech.”

“And you started with cake.”

He rubbed his face. “We are never speaking of this again.”

Y/n leaned against his shoulder, smirking. “Until Milo asks.”

Five stared at the ceiling. “God help us.”

#lmaoo #amazing #five hargreeves x reader #five hargreeves imagines

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