the third floor is not important

I keep coming back to 'the things I THINK you want me to do.'

Occtis isn't doing the things Julien is telling him to do, he's trying to get ahead of that and do the things he THINKS the other man wants him to do.

That speaks strongly to how he's been treated in his family, and how he has learned, as many people who grew up abused and around volatile adults do, the hypervigilance and people pleasing that can keep you safe.

And here's the really crazy thing... I think Mr wisdom score of 8 clocks it in the moment. And I think that's because Julien does the same thing... or at least did when he was younger and smaller.

I'm not saying Raimond was as abusive as Primus clearly is, but I think he was volatile enough to keep Julien on edge, hyper aware of those moods and wary of when the anger might come out.

'so that you'll stop trying to kill me'. Julien hasn't actively tried to kill Occtis. But the fact that THAT was the genuine fear in Occtis head, combined with what they saw of Primus shortly there-after, I really think made Julien actually look at what has been going on between them. He was much softer right after, comforting him and drawing him away from his family to safety.

Julien may only have one gear in his head but right now it's turning for Occtis.

Which does make me wonder, once that gear has finished it's work... what will Julien think about Vaelus' actions? That she wasn't trying to kill Occtis, but just either didn't think of him or didn't care that his life could be collateral damage to her actions?

Julien:

i've also been enjoying lately a) how much people are into alex committing to occtis being hurt in the background, and b) how much everyone who's seen la by night agrees it's the pinnacle of this type of alex acting (it is), so you know what, have a compilation i made for a friend a while ago of various background moments in the episode following jasper getting very hurt bc it's such a treat!

being very precise with my gif timing here, the captions are exactly where they should be, bc i need to illustrate something i haven't stopped thinking about

which is that alex/occtis (and only him) clocked the exact word that was gonna kill hannan before brennan switched characters to primus

What's also interesting is the contrasting ways this abuse effected Occtis and Ethrand's behaviour. One of the very first phrases Alex uses to describe Occtis is that he is "small in presence", and that's be been borne out by how he plays him. Occtis is constantly trying to be as unobtrusively and inoffensive as possible in order to stay out of any potential lines of fire from other people, and indeed growing frustrated with doing this is part of why he blew up at Julien the way he did. One notable example of Occtis avoiding potential conflict with others is when Amadah and Ingrid arrive at Castle Torch and Occtis declines going out to meet them despite Thaisha insisting that druids are cool with him now; he's unsure and avoids a potential confrontation by avoiding the interaction entirely. While Ethrand also displays this behaviour when around Primus, see again the aforementioned scene in episode 4 as well as his quiet guilt in the Sundered Houses meeting where he did not say a single word, when around people he has some power over he completely turns this around, and revels in making people feel as small as his father makes him. We've only seen this directly in interactions he's had with Occtis (throwing rocks at his head when they were children; taunting him while murdering him), but I wouldn't doubt he's also like this around the peasantry and anyone else deemed "lesser", taking the hurt that has been inflicted on him and turning it on others.

CRITICAL ROLE 4.31 Trick of the Light

+ bonus live Laura reaction

Critical Role via Twitter: “SONGS TO SHAKE YOUR BONES ☠️ ✨ Dance in the dark with @/alexward777's's Occtis Tachonis! His official playlist features 16 magnificently macabre tracks hand-picked by Aramán's favorite Necromancer, including Nine Inch Nails, Type O Negative, My Chemical Romance, and more! 🥀

there’s just something about bolaire starting the episode saying he’s more alone than he’s ever been and ending it standing there in his apartment looking at a flip book about the cat that escaped the story that was written for it, made by a young wizard who attributes everything he has to bolaire and didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye, and when brought to tears by it, presumably crying from the eyes of the man who first found out what he really is and instinctively pushed in closer while everyone else, to some extent or another, pulled away.

like, i’m pretty we’ve heard bolaire talk with other people about his own views on his personhood (or lack thereof), but azune is the first who really seems to have his own thoughts on it — he believes bolaire is a person, even if bolaire doesn’t, and he’s started sort of…softly but firmly making it clear that he believes that. azune was shaped by thjazi into the man he is now in so many ways, but where thjazi called bolaire “it” and refused to even look at him, azune reaches out to touch him and insists on looking for signs of personhood where even bolaire himself can’t see them. being shaped by someone doesn’t mean becoming them — in a lot of ways, bolaire was shaped by thjazi too, and they came out of that experience feeling very differently about the man but very similarly about themselves in ways that they’ve now been able to start untangling together: the man who watches other people having moments of closeness and joy from afar and then sits in front of a mirror privately making himself look like the man who was almost his father, and the one watching life through plays and stories and seeing the truth in it but assuming himself to be incapable of being a real participant in that truth and then withdrawing into his mind to privately play out a better version of recent events where his sister loves him and is glad to have him back.