shooting stars

“Do I want chocolate ice cream or a coffee milkshake? Seriously, I need help.”

“Both. Always both.”

“More free food? How could I resist?”

“You can’t. No one can’t.”

“ You begged, I delivered. In the Theseus fashion, obviously. How grossed out are we talking about here?? ‘Cause I can pull up the mice ordeal again. With all the delicious, bone ripping, blood gushing details…Черт возьми. Теперь я голоден. Honestly, my presence should be enough to make you happy. You’re so ungrateful, ELLA. Because it wouldn’t have been as funny. Your cringe face, is my favorite face. I rest my case?!?! Satan was an angel. IF Satan ever came to my door and told me he was my father, the first thing I’d say is “makes sense” and then, “lets get frozen yogurt??” I’d be the best son. You really think you’re scray don’t cha?? Adorable. “

“ So gross that I’m practically about to vomit all over you. So be careful of what you say. Mice? Really? I may be a vegetarian snake but shit like that doesn’t gross me out anymore. I mean I watch my cat eat mice all the time, Blake. C’mon. Stop speaking Russian to me---hungry? Something something hungry..that’s all I got from that. Your presence should make me happy? I guess. But trust me, I could of easily picked someone else over you to come with me. So you should be grateful for me. Why am I answering you? I’m supposed to be ignoring you. Shut up, Blake. Oh my god. I’m very scary. “ 

“At least the fifth or sixth royal title— Not to be the bearer of bad news here, but you’re not the first hissing slinky I’ve come across bub. Hey, I resent that. If I remember correctly? We did some minor damage last time you popped in….But I’m glad. Blake needs all the help he can get. Least the neighborhood kids don’t hide from him any more. “

“Me? Cause minor damage? Never. That shelf was going to break even if I hadn’t touched it, y’know. If anything you should thank me. Because that shelf broke, you guys were able to repair it. And look--it looks beautiful. See things happen for a reason. Yeah, I’m a great friend.”

“ Can I change my answer and say I don’t want to make a million cupakes? “

“Nope. It’s too late. You can’t turn back now, my friend.”

“Hey, if it’s good enough for candy it’s good enough for you small fry—I can tell him, once he stops being comatose…So do you want him to be part of the test audience or???” 

“Small fry now? Honestly have you been crowned king of nicknames yet? Because buddy you’re on a roll. Thank you. Yes, because everyone else in my life is ‘surprisingly’ busy, and so far he hasn’t let me down yet. Even if we argue all the time.”

“I’ll be there, and I’m sure Leslie will too. I’ll drag her there if I have to, I’m proud of you Ella. Now I can hook you up with the cute girl at the grocery store.”

“I love you guys. Layla? She’s cute but I’m pretty sure she’s dating the other guy who works there. Todd I think his name is. I hate him. Real douche canoe.

“Oh, I definitely will.  And what deal is that, care to share?  I know, I know… I’m the worst.  I’ve lived here for almost a year and I’ve never gotten the opportunity to make you serve me delicious food?  What have I been thinking?! Honey, if I was worried about things that were healthy for me I wouldn’t get up early just to go to Cabin Coffee every morning.  Do you guys have cheesecake?”

“He brings me bread sticks and I bring him french fries. Sort of like a food drug deal. We meet in a sketchy alley and everything. We even do the whole ‘I brought the stuff’ line. It’s the best. Don’t go and tell the cops now. The tall argumentative but actually not argumentative-mostly stubborn-and-popcorn hating cop already thinks I hate him. You were probably thinking crazy shit, because I’m the best waitress around. I give away free stuff. But lowkey though. Don’t tell a soul. I don’t need anymore strangers coming in and claiming they know me. Cheesecake? Sadly we don’t....-just kidding we have five flavors. Strawberry, Raspberry, Reese’s Peanut Butter, Oreo, and Original.”

“I doubt it. I’m trying it. Which means if I don’t like it, I can totally use ‘I don’t like it’ as a legit excuse next time anybody tries to give me vegetarian versions of normal food. Fuck, someone died in Russo’s?”

“Whatever. You’ll like it. I swear on everything. Yes... And his soul haunts the restaurant. I thought you knew this? If you listen closely while you chew ...you can sort of hear screaming as if you’re eating parts of their soul.”

“Maybe she’ll have a cinnamon allergy you didn’t know about. Just something. Anything.”

“But then what if she’s not allergic to cinnamon? Then you’re still stuck with a shitty roommate. Honestly Jas, these are the things you have to think about!”

“Are you now?”

“--sh. Please just hug me and say you’re proud.”

“You’re the best, Ella.”

“I know, I know. I definitely deserve a raise in my opinion.”

“I’m not a total stick in the mud.”

“You should smile some more then. I get it--you’re the cool mysterious wolf. But c’mon -- even guys like that deserve to smile.”

“ You don’t have to be a non theater greek to not enjoy musicals. Your point is off, Ell. Alright, you caught me… I’m just.. so.. in love with musicals. They’re just the best fapping material you could ask for. —Happy?? —-Wha- I do not!! I’m an angel, Ella. A large, hairy, Russian, handsome angel. It’s not my fault your temper is potentially shorter than mine. That some character assassination shit right there. My privileged white male side is very offended and ready to sue you for your accusations. —Oh, no. Not the mom voice. Anything but the mom voice. “

“You could of left fapping material out of it. Now I’m just grossed out at the thought and I want you to shut up. I’m not happy. Why couldn’t you just say they’re the best and end it there. You’re such a boy and it’s gross. Stop. Angel? More like Satan’s offspring for not liking musicals. You know what? I’m just going to ignore you. Okay? Ignoring you right now. Please continue by all means, but I’m not going to listen. Yes the mom voice. Fear it.”