birdhouse in my soul

Scared of walking on the grass barefoot because what if a little mole tunnels up from the grass into my foot and then my leg and into my chest and makes a little home inside my lungs and its interior decorating looks like shit?

If only I was making $1000 per hour in the time I spent watching youtube for like a thousand hours the last 8 years -> reality where I didn’t watch youtube -> eyesight like 0.25 closer to 20/20 but penis worn down to a featureless cylinder

I think I might just not like the taste of other peoples mouths at this point. It's been hours after the fact why does this dr pepper taste like balloon rubber?

I am oh so big and round and gassy with ideas but no one wants to hear any of them :/

I think it would be very fun to manifest a razor thin unbreakable wall directly behind my car while I’m being tailgated and watching the Fuck F150 get bisected behind me

My favorite toy lately is to make plans and then cancel them over and over and over again

Remember years ago when you had a cavity you’d get a silver/metal filling? Now they don’t even do that. “Oh goodness looks like you’ll need some cavities filled in! Prepare for suburban cuckold white!”

hey reddit is it fucked up/cringe if the guy I was seeing (who just got out of a years long relationship) gets back with his ex, but I just continue to hang out with him, assuming their relationship will fall apart again