Small Town Scandal

Thank you.

I feel like consensual cuckolding relationships are unique to each couple. I'm not sure that what "worked" in our case would be applicable to others. But for whatever it's worth, here is a little bit of what I learned along the way:

My husband was super patient. Several years went by from the time he told me he wanted me to have sex with other men until I finally did it. He never expressed disappointment when I had good opportunities that didn't end up the way he hoped. He would just tell me how hot it was watching me flirt, or kiss, or whatever. He made it clear that any little thing I did with another guy really turned him on.

We did a lot of role play, both in bed, and out. He would ask me to imagine he was someone else, or call him another guy's name when we were fucking. And we would go out to a bar, and have me go in five minutes before him, then he would pretend to be a handsome stranger, buy me drinks and "take me home." (Warning: We learned you have to have some kind of story worked out in advance if you're pretending to be someone else. The first couple times doing that were pretty awkward.)

He bought me an anklet, of course. Many of them, actually, as the years went on. They're not magical studfinders. It's just a little indication to a guy that it might not be a waste of time saying hello to a woman who's wearing a wedding ring. And it feels pretty sexy when I sense that a guy is checking it out.

My husband is incredibly worshipful. I always know how much I turn him on, and I really love to reward him for making me feel so special. He literally kneels at my feet, kissing them, and my anklet, and tells me how much he loves having a sexy wife who fucks other men. Not a single day goes by that I don't hear at least a dozen times how beautiful and perfect I am, and how horny I make him.

We have a weird dynamic in that we live in a very, very small town, which limits me to only having travel sex a handful of times each year. For a long time, having kids at home was a big limiting factor as well. I think built-in limits like that are kind of reassuring. Nothing is ever going to get too crazy. I know I'm not going to fall in love with some dude I hook up with at a bar or party the way I might if he were a co-worker or someone I had constant access to.

One other thing: My husband does a ton of work finding (and creating) promising situations for me, but it's never like an appointment to have sex with someone. The fact that there's never any pressure, and no one has been promised anything specific is a big help to letting desire kindle naturally. My hubby is really good at helping me make conversation with strangers, and knowing when to see his way out when it looks like things are going well.

What else? You've got to be prepared to play safe with strangers, which really helps with peace of mind afterward. If you do have a basis to trust a partner who's not a stranger with unprotected sex, everyone needs to have had very recent testing. Some of the parties we go to put out strong encouragement for that in advance, so in certain situations (I imagine swingers clubs might be the same way), it's not as strange as it might sound to find guys who have fresh test results loaded in their phone.

The settings were totally secondary. This was like nothing else I'd ever experienced before. We specialize in 3 and 4 day weekends in the US. Having passionate sex with different men roughly two out of every three nights for three solid weeks was a new level of hotness.

I had a weird neighbor, a guy in his 30s, who tickled me relentlessly when I was a child. He did it in front of my parents, and his wife. I don't think he ever touched any private parts, Just my underarms, sides and feet. But looking back now, it seems incredibly weird and creepy that they all just sat around and watched him do this to me, many, many times. He held me down forcefully, and prevented my escape. When I was like, 7 or 8, continuing until I was 10 or 12. I'm surely not the only one who thinks there was something really strange going on, right?

I feel now that it was a grooming technique that never reached his goal. Maybe he never got the nerve to try it out somewhere private where his hands could wander a little further. Maybe I'm forgetting little forbidden touches because I did not have a sexual focus. All I wanted to do was avoid him, and once that failed, break free from him.

And lastly, I wonder if this series of episodes is somehow a factor in my compulsive submissive sexuality.

I think my husband's relentless desire to share me with other men, and my own history as a promiscuous teen are surely the biggest factors in how I came to be who I am.

But why was I a promiscuous teen? That came out of nowhere. I was a high-achieving student. Usually Straight A's, with an occasional B. My parents took me to church every week. I was active in the youth group there. And then I started drinking, getting high, dropping acid, snorting coke, and sucking and fucking guys every chance I got. 30+ years later, I still wonder how the hell that happened. It's the biggest mystery of my life.

I would not want to blame that neighbor for anything that's happened in my life. I'm almost 50. He would be around 80, if he's still alive.

I like my life. I want it to continue on its present trajectory. I guess I just wonder how different everything might have turned out if I hadn't had that repetitive tickling experience at the hands of a man who controlled me and would not release me. Did he make me desire that in some weird, twisted way? Maybe I felt undesirable when he let me go. It was all too long ago. I don't have clear memories of how it started and stopped. All the words he spoke are lost to time. I have no sense for any possibility he might have encouraged or guided me to touch him in naughty places. I feel his wife was kind of a stern woman, and maybe her disapproval was the trigger that told him "Enough's enough." But I don't remember. I'll never know. It was just too long ago. The questions that haunt me now are these: Were there other girls he found better opportunities with, and pushed things further with? Was I his test project? Did he later refine his technique? And if so, could I have done anything to prevent that?