❤︎ Curious... ❤︎

But at this point I really don’t think it’s helpful for me to contribute too much more. At the end of the day I am not involved in the actual issues in the slightest and thus I have no grounds to come to conclusions for others.

I think ostracization will happen naturally if everyone decides for themselves to not associate with the perpetrator. This is what I mean by using the valuable information shared by those affected to shape your own boundaries against the exposed dangers.

What I don’t quite see the need for is demanding others to make the same boundaries and come to the same conclusions as you would, enforced by using social pressures and divisive judgement.

I fundamentally believe that in a community of adults, we should trust our peers to make decisions for themselves. Sharing cautionary information against dangerous behaviour is so amazing and welcomed. Perpetrators should absolutely own up to their mistakes and be held accountable. But we can achieve all of this without the demanding of others to react in the way that we feel is appropriate.

I’m not a neutral stance. I’m just respecting my peers’ autonomy and giving them the freedom to decide what’s best for themselves. How someone chooses to live their life does not impact my need to treat them with dignity and respect.

In a community like ours without an actual established justice system, where justice and truth are taken into our own individual hands to discover, it’s inevitable that not everyone will come to the same conclusions. We must accept that. Control the things within your control, like yourself; who you associate with, the boundaries you create, and the spaces you enter. Trying to control others will hurt your own peace, and by extension increase anxiety and tension throughout the rest of the community too.

This was my whole take. This is what I meant by the possibility of achieving safety without aggression and hate.

But once again, this is MY personal preferred approach to life and conflict. I am not all knowing, I don’t know if my way is truly better in practice than everyone else’s ways, and I openly admit that. You are welcome to form your own conclusions, and I respect and see the value in all the conclusions I’ve read that are different from my own.

My friend there was no research to do back when it was first posted and I first commented 😭. It was the only thing out here, there were no names attached, and it was about a general concept and had no indication it was personal. Sadly I don’t have the abilities to sense the personal DMs in other people’s phones before they’re shown to me lol.

Please by all means speak up about experiences. I am not telling anyone to not share their stories or say something. Use whatever language you want to when describing your harm doer.

Nothing about anything I’m saying has anything to do with the person speaking up.

I’m just saying we can all achieve more peace for OURSELVES and by extension the community faster if we stayed focused on the objective of spreading awareness and setting our own boundaries appropriately rather than taking punishment into our own hands. This is the way my own ideals shape my actions.

Listen what you’re saying would be nice to follow

But what do you do when there is No live and let live?

A victim was accused of sexual assault over coming out with her truth regarding a toxic play partner and is being told to keep quiet.

The perpetrator is not the one being demonized. The victim is being demonized.

We can’t resolve this is “let’s shake hands and move on” when the reality is that one party had no intent on doing so and pushes a narrative to hurt a victim

My post was about why I don’t support cancel culture as a whole based on my personal views and principles in life. It was not about this specific situation you’re talking about.

Im really sorry to the victims for going through that. It was not right that what you described happened to them. But doing it an equal amount back to the perpetrators doesn’t really contribute to actual resolution and healing does it?

It’s not wrong to want fairness and justice regardless. Please by all means take care of your own hearts and do what feels right for you. But personally, I would like to follow my own ideals and respond in the way I believe to be the most effective in achieving peace.

I’m simply saying peace and safety can be achieved even without hate and division. And my hope for that approach based off of my own ideals is why I tend to aspire to move away from the capital punishment approach (cancel culture). That’s all!

When I commented on daisy’s post I had no idea what it was directed towards. It was posted way before any of this came to light, and with no specific name drop, there’s truly no way I or what I assume a lot of the other interacters could have known. To assume I’ve chosen a side based on that alone is frankly pretty unwarranted imo.

Regardless, I do stand by my feelings towards “cancel culture”; which is the part of the post that I was supporting in the first place. NOT policing speaking out or safety dismissal. I think spreading awareness for the sake of safety is 100% welcome and needed. But as a lowkey hippie gal myself… I think the only appropriate reaction to posts like these are love for the affected.

We can love and support the affected party without needing to ostracize the offender. We can spread awareness without creating division. It truly shouldn’t be our jobs to personally punish offenders. We should instead use this information shared with us to keep ourselves safe and have better insight to maximize informed consent moving forward.

Does that mean we just ignore the harm caused? Absolutely not. But we can hold people accountable and give people space to own up to it without needing to berate and shame them.

I understand, fighting fire with fire FEELS good, intuitive, and fair.. like an eye for an eye. It’s very valid to react that way, and I don’t blame the fighters for doing what makes them feel better about the situation. We all need to take care of ourselves first. But ideally, for those who have the space for it, if we truly want to solve problems for good, we need to meet fire with water. We need to do the harder thing and turn rage into healing. That’s the only way. And this is why I have historically supported posts against “cancel culture” (in my definition at least: reacting to warnings with hate and division).

👀 OKAY ALL THESE MEMORIES ARE SO ASDHFKA EVEN TO THINK ABOUT but I’m also happy to finally share these crazy encounters with ppl who get it so thank u for being interested (˘▽˘ʃƪ)・ﾟ✧♡

Here’s one:

I have this one.. let’s say “eccentric” dance instructor who loves pranking/bothering/getting reactions out of people annnnd one day he found out that I tend to scream easily when it comes to… ya know 🥴🥴

One time he convinced me we were gonna try a new lift, so he gets me to lay flat on the ground face down with my arms straight over my head. He told me the guys were gonna lift me from my hands and legs so I should flex and be like a plank…

Seems normal and casual right? I literally took it so seriously and assumed the position with my best effort thinking absolutely nothing of it other than trying to do a good job LMAO SILLY ME 🙃

Two guys are holding my hands and my ankles, I think they’re gonna lift soon so I’m bracing…

SUDDENLY I FEEL A T-WORD ATTACK FROM ABOVE as I’m straddled by the instructor and some other male dance colleagues and I go to pull my arms down AND I REALIZE IM BEING HELD DOWN ON BOTH ENDS TOO AND 😵 (like literally WHEN did they coordinate all this???)

It wasn’t too long but it literally took me out from sheer embarrassment alone like I literally lost all composure and got all desperate in front of my colleagues lmao. 🥴😵

Honestly just having my feet handled in any way already makes me nervous about t-word lol. All parts of a pedi already have t-word risk, but the exfoliation part in particular never fails to do it 🥴 it’s the ultimate challenge for my stoicism lmao. Honestly I wouldn’t be able to do it if I wasn’t truly terrified of the thought of needing to explain my flinching.. and so out of sheer desperation I summon all the willpower, grit my teeth, and focus on my breathing LMAO. Usually I can make it through with enough mental prep XD !

If you’re looking for a story about one particular experience 👀 ..

One time I went to get a pedi with @puzz-ler and of course the one time I go with someone who knows all my secrets, the guy doing my pedi literally straight up asked “r u t-wordish?” AHDKS AND I WAS LIKE I GUESS MAYBE and he like kept talking about how it’s gonna tword LIKE

Before he did the scrubbing part he was like “ooOoOoo here comes the tortureee~” LMAO LIKE im over here looking at Rad like 😨🫨😵 CAUSE WHY IS HE TALKING LIKE THIS IS THIS REAL LIFE LMAO

Laying there… slowly getting stretched out.. riddled with anticipation for what’s to come.. hearing the sound of the ratchet straps getting tightened… seeing the ler gang looming over me waiting to pounce..!!!.!!.!!. AHFJFLA 😵‍💫😵🥴🫠

So many 🥴🥴🥴

Like every pedicure everrrr? Pffft 🙈

I also do salsa and bachata dance and some of the leads that require grabbing follows by hips or tapping their sides sometimes kills me lmaooo (just gotta stoic through it 🥲)

Massages too! Especially professional massages where I’m truly not tryna react at all cause I’d die if I had to explain why I’m flinching LOL

I also have a decent handful of irl random t word stories for sure :’) though they’re all super embarrassing and made me wish the earth would open up and swallow me whole just so I can escape the embarrass lmaoooo.

YES lol, it certainly happens to the best of us. 😅

I won’t be tooo specific about details but I will say some things I’ve learned about myself and achieving good comfortable play experiences:

1. Chemistry is so essential for one on one play to be comfy for me. It doesn’t even have to be a lot or super deep… but if I’m already awkward/shy around you in a regular setting… play unfortunately won’t be the magic fix for us to get closer 😂🥲

2. I’m not a super NSFW player, to me the t word is the main course through and through. Unless it’s been expressed beyond a doubt (either explicitly or implicitly) that I’m interested in exploring more with you, I’m defs just tryna have regular t-word or kink focused play lol.

3. I’m not very compatible with people who need me to be extremely blatant with my words 😅😅😅. I KNOW this is problematic of me, but as someone who was brought up in implicit communication culture (as opposed to explicit), it’s a little difficult for me to be blunt, especially if I’m put on the spot. I’m a great implicit communicator, I think my body language and vibes practically scream what I want or don’t want. And ofc I can use my words too, I’m not incapable! But it does make me a little uncomfy to do so if I must do it bluntly without any room for gentle let downs. (I’m working on this though I promise, and when push comes to shove I will sacrifice my comfort to communicate my boundaries!)