You are the whole universe

Did you know that taxonomically there is no such thing as a video game?

a video game is actually more closely related to a camel than it is to a hagfish

[new to sadism] I'm gonna hurt the blood out of you

[new to masochism] no 😦

and yet a trace of the true self remains in the false self

that is an alligator

and yet a trace of the true self remains in the false alligator

if u think abt it i guess bald ppl are the most aerodynamic. i bet if u shot a bald person out of a cannon they wld fly way further than a haired person

which of course is a huge advantage in day to day life

all i want is to get hellsitegeneticsed. i want to know what kind of creature my post is. god i want it to be something cool sooooooooo bad do you think they have the genetic code for werewolves

so this is what it's like to be god's favorite

Women can write m/m. Men can write f/f. Asexuals can write filthy smut. Lesbians and gay men can write m/f. It's all arbitrary anyway. Who give a shit.

"Oh but they don't have an experience of-" I don't have any experience committing or solving murders either but that's still mostly what I read and write about.

I've never banged an alien but here we are.

You've never banged an alien yet! There's always time!

op are you a hobbit

99% of queer discourse stops right before they define the true difference between bisexual and pansexual!

I am a huge fan of retiring to my quarters

In this economy you'll be lucky to retire to your nickels

"Imagine dragons sucks" imagine dragons is just journey for millenials, its fine.

Oh no

The core conceit of Lord of the Rings is pretty funny. You are a twenty three year old in a suburb of Maine. The little bracelet in your grandpa’s attic has an inscription on it that is the password to the world’s entire nuclear arsenal. It is up to you to walk to the only hydraulic press in the world, located in Arizona, before the FBI finds the bracelet, kills you, and enslaves the suburb of Maine you currently live in

Also the 90-year old hobo that your grandpa beat in a rap battle for possession of the bracelet while hiding from the Romanian secret police really loved the bracelet because it was coated in small amounts of LSD and tried to hunt and kill your grandpa to get it back. He was then apprehended by the FBI and instantly gave them your grandpa’s address. Seal Team Six is about to break down your door and shoot you, says your local congressman who can also do cool magic tricks

If any competition needed to be on Tumblr, it's this one.

Zelda puzzle training simulator