Just A Smallfry In A Big World

YES YES YES 

I love Zuri already! can’t wait!!!

Today has been like a nightmare that I can not wake up from. 

At 7:30 a.m., I was in the shower preparing for my day, like any other day. I was being extra quiet as not to wake Bryan who had worked late the night before. As I was almost finished, when the shower curtain was pulled back and he entered into my private space. I didn’t mind. He always does that. He said it was our intimate quiet time. We just held one another and he told me me he loved me. I grabbed my towel and exited and began dressing for the rest of the day. Before I left I kissed his forehead, told him I loved him and said goodbye.

I had no idea it would be the last time I said it to him.

Less than 12 hours later, at 7:08 p.m. this evening he took his last breath. His departure was unexpected and sudden. He passed due to injuries sustained in an accident this morning on his motorcycle, on his way to have lunch with his parents. An automobile two cars behind him decided to pass the truck directly behind him, on a hill. They did not see Bryan, and were traveling at speeds where they didn’t have time to stop from hitting him.

For the last few months he brought a smile that I thought I would never have again. He brought a light that had been dark for quite a long time. He gave me a reason to get up in the morning, and to have a song in my heart.

He is now gone. 

But thanks to him, those things will remain. I may not feel them right now, but they are there. I will not allow his departure to cause me to forget those things. How he made me feel worthwhile again and confident in who I was. Instead I want those things that he gave back to me, to sustain me.

I will be here tonight, online as long as I can handle it. If you want to PM me…PLEASE do so. I am not answering any phone calls tonight, or text messages. I can’t.

I will be deactivating his Simblr. We shared a joint account and a shared game.  I have all his saves and will keep them at least for now.

As for my own, I have no idea. I know I can not continue with what we were working on together.  It would be to hard. It was his project and his idea. My queue has just a few more posts left and I am going to let them run out, and take a hiatus, until I decide what I will do here now.

I know I am not leaving, as this community has been my salvation for the past three years. I just need to mourn and rest.

I apologize for such a long post, but this community has been there for me before. I know you are here with me now. There is no one physically here that I can express these things to right now and I know it is too soon, but I had to do this. His family has been amazing towards me through all this, and I know their pain is deep and heart wrenching, beyond what I could even imagine. But, I feel I can’t share what I am feeling with them. I don’t want to add to their pain. That is why I am here now, tonight until I can sleep.  If that is even possible.

TESSA- “Hi, I am Tessa English…I saw you just moved in yesterday, Welcome…”

VICTORIA- “Hello, I am Victoria Lord, and yes that was me doing all that banging…sorry.”

TESSA- “Oh don’t be sorry, my wife and I were going to offer our help but then we didn’t see you anymore…so when is the baby due?”

VICTORIA- “Any day now!  So you are married?”

TESSA- “Yes, Billie and I married right before our baby came…he is almost a month old.”

VICTORIA- “Oh…you have a new baby.  That nice..I am giving mine up for adoption. Just not ready to be a mother.”

TESSA- “Oh trust me, I understand that.  I almost aborted Theron, but Billie really wanted him so here he is….I am glad we chose to keep him…but hey it’s not for everybody.  You should come over and see him sometime.”

HAYDEN- “I am sorry Theron, but I don’t think we have much information regarding Nina’s birth parents.  All we know is she was in her early thirties, and was a single lady.”

THERON- “It’s okay Mr. Landgraab, but I do have a couple questions that may help us to locate some information.  In your application for adoption did you have specific questions, as to the child you hoped to adopt.”

HAYDEN - “Actually, we did.  We preferred to have a child from the local area. Which they accommodated us in that way. The birth mother they said was born in San Myshuno. We also requested any health information and blood type, in case Nina had any medical issues. We have that information available for you.  Fortunate, Nina was very healthy.  A perfect baby and daughter, I may add.”

THERON- “I know you said her birth mother was single, but do you know if the father of Nina was also from this area?”

HAYDEN- “Yes, but we were told the father was deceased. An accident of some sort. They did not give us specifics.”

THERON- “And the attorney that assisted you in the adoption, what was their name.”

HAYDEN- “He died about six years ago. Hiram Wahl. He worked here in San Myshuno and handled all of the Landgraab affairs for years.  Actually it was his daughter that represented your father in his recent legal problems.”

THERON- “Etta Wahl was his daughter? Wow, small world!”

HAYDEN- “Yes, it is, and Hiram actually represented my great grandmother Nancy Landgraab in her case against Jon Boedell’s Estate, many years ago. Our families are connected, Theron.  I went to school with your grandmother Saffie. Her brother Kane and I played ball together.”

THERON- “Wow it REALLY is a small world.  Thank you Mr. Landgraab.  Maybe my stepmother can give me some information on Nina’s adoption.  I am sure she has her father’s records.”