SlytherPuff Couple Conversations

Hufflepuff: How are you gonna survive in this world?

Slytherin: *laughing*

Hufflepuff: Nah actually… I’m gonna decrust all your pizza!

Hufflepuff: TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!

Hufflepuff: I’m sat here watching being like ‘this scene is quite emotional’ and out of the corner of my eye I can just see you playing with playdoh

Slytherin: What answer would you prefer?

Hufflepuff: The honest one

Hufflepuff: *Stares at Slytherin*

Slytherin: I don’t have a fetish for serial killers!

Hufflepuff: *Silent staring*

Slytherin: I just admire their work

Hufflepuff: *judging*

Slytherin: I’m kidding

Hufflepuff: *pause* So who’s your favourite serial killer babe?

Slytherin: Jack the Ripper

Hufflepuff: A normal person wouldn’t have an answer to that!

Slytherin: NO! I will happily hit you with a pillow but not something that’s made of glass! That would hurt you!

Hufflepuff: Aww it’s nice that you don’t want to hurt me

Slytherin: Besides I can’t afford the prison time

Slytherin: *gags*

Hufflepuff: So it’s not just me, thank god!

Slytherin: I prefer gremlin

Hufflepuff: She called him asking about where something was he was like “Hi snugglebug”

Slytherin: I would rather you stab me with the bluntest sword you can find than ever call me snuggle-anything!

Slytherin: Pretty sure that’s animal abuse

Hufflepuff: If they did the do in space and had a baby but the baby was born in space. Would the baby count as an alien?

Slytherin: I want to say no since the baby’s parents are both from Earth

Hufflepuff: What if my cat fucks an alien?

Slytherin: *in nasally voice* Why?

Hufflepuff: Cause it’s making you sound funny

Slytherin: And I’m the child?!

Hufflepuff: You are!

Slytherin: I sound like Squidward. “Spongebob!”

Hufflepuff: *takes hand away* Babe if you were squidward, you’d be handsome squidward

Hufflepuff: Really…?

Slytherin: I love my little marauder babies

Hufflepuff: *sigh* I love you

Slytherin: why do I feel like that’s an “‘you’re an idiot’ i love you”?

Hufflepuff: Because you are an idiot

Slytherin: Ok

Hufflepuff: But you’re my idiot and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Slytherin: *silence* what?

Hufflepuff: A gamer, he ordered a PS5 from Amazon but got a bag of rice instead

Slytherin: Ohhh, Gamer orders… I thought you’d said Gay Marauders

Hufflepuff: That is the most Slytherin you’ve ever sounded

Slytherin: You saying I don’t sound like a Slytherin all the time?

Slytherin: All the time

Hufflepuff: Yeah but you can’t. I have more strength

Slytherin: I’d wait till you’re asleep…can’t fight back then

Hufflepuff: I’m gonna tell my nan that if my body’s ever found somewhere, all bloody, that you did it

Slytherin: 20 past 3 (in the morning)

Hufflepuff: I think you should go to sleep

Slytherin: But I’m not tired

Hufflepuff: It’s past your bedtime

Hufflepuff: I’ve been awake since 6am

Slytherin: I’ve been awake since yesterday afternoon…trying to reset my sleep schedule

Hufflepuff: Ok then

Hufflepuff: I’m gonna buy you an electric blanket for our anniversary! A single one cause fuck that… I’d boil

Slytherin: But you can’t have a single blanket on a double bed! That won’t work…cause if you move you’d have to move the blanket too. Whereas with a double you can just roll over.

Hufflepuff: I suppose…

Slytherin: Besides, I’ll just roll myself up in a heated blanket burrito. Therefore you won’t get too hot. Only downside is I won’t have movement in my arms or legs and I’d just be a disembodied head

Hufflepuff: Babe, I’d still love you if you were a disembodied head

Slytherin: Aww thanks… unless you mean that in a serial killer way then no thanks…

Hufflepuff: Both?