slvrbullet13

Because it wasn’t meant to be, is the short answer. But sometimes I delve deeper into thought and wonder: at what point did love die? Was I the one who killed it? Or was it simply not strong enough to continue drawing breath in this world?

I’ve loved vain self absorbed women, I’ve loved ditzy unreliable women, I’ve loved dorky incredibly awkward women. All of which ended in varying degrees of heartache, some minor with others being crippling. It makes me appreciate the partner I have now.

But that’s the real problem. I don’t feel much of anything anymore. Of course I care about her, but the thought of not having her, or anyone really, doesn’t bother me... And that scares me. I feel like my heart has hardened over the past few years. Partially due to my negative experiences, partially due to my own reluctance to open myself up.

I don’t want to be an unfeeling stone, but I don’t think I’m capable of feeling to the extent that I once did :/ maybe that’s for the best. I’ve always worn my heart on my sleeve, and every time I tried to show that heart to someone, they’ve injured it. It’s my own fault, really. Naivety has always been one of my biggest flaws. I’ve always been overly hopeful and trusting. But trust has to be earned, I suppose.