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PT4 - Final Bloom

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PART 1 // PART 2 // PART 3 //

Falling in love is hard. Worse when you know it can’t happen.

Summery -> There was no more pretending between you and Ellie. Her closing that gap was endless confirmation she liked you, the title of friends being destroyed that very second...but, what are you supposed to do?

This chapter contains -> internalized homophobia / has a very long smut section (just a warning 😭) / oral (r!receiving) / fingering (r and e!receiving) / thigh riding / implied that it’s readers first time with a girl, but idc take it as you will. / inexperience reader / nervous reader and Ellie / kissing / miscommunication / tension / angst / ending isn’t sad, but may not be perfect to some! / reader is 18, Ellie is 19 ‼️ / reader struggles with her feelings / (lmk if I missed anything else!!!)

WC: 11k

(SEMI proofread)

You wondered if it had all been inevitable, you and Ellie, that is.

From the beginning, there was always something different about her, you knew that, you just spent so long trying to deny it. 

From the moment you two locked eyes, her false confidence smile peering into you, all the way to that moment you both shared in your bedroom…which of course, ended in you yelling at her the next day, treating the whole situation like she was in the wrong. Despite knowing how you felt about her at that time.

Deep down, you’d like to think you always knew... 

But, regardless of that, you just wanted so desperately to refuse it, push it out and hope it disappears..because it felt so much like a weight, carrying it with you since you both met.

You never wanted to admit that maybe…just maybe, you, out of all people, ended up falling for a girl; it didn’t seem right.

And surely it couldn’t have been, you knew that.

It has been drilled into your mind since you were young, a woman was meant for a man, and that people like Ellie, maybe even you..those people were just confused, not right. 

But one of the worst parts about this was the fact that you’re not even fully sure if it was all new, this feeling. Or if it just went unrecognized for so long because you refused to let it in. Constantly pushing it out when a guy showed he was interested in you, when your mom would always recount how any man would be lucky to have you, excited to see the one you choose, or even when you wanted to relate with your friend group, who all shared the same similarity of just being utterly fascinated when it came to guys. 

A woman and a man, it was in your mind from the beginning. So truly, what went wrong?

It wasn’t like you hadn’t gained attention back home, you knew what it was like to have a boyfriend, to have someone who was into you, and you thought you liked that feeling. Clearly, you were wrong. 

After meeting Ellie, it’s like everything you thought you knew about yourself flipped, because suddenly, she’s all you can actively care about, think about, and the feeling she gives you, it tops anything and everything you’ve ever felt for a man. 

You hated to acknowledge the fact that you weren't sure if you even liked it, the feeling she gave you.

You weren’t sure how to deal with it or approach it properly. Everytime you looked that feeling in the eyes, actually acknowledging it, you just messed it up, digging a deeper hole, each fucking time.

But you knew she was different, and even though you messed it up constantly, it was like a drug; you kept coming back for that rush you’d inevitably get when she would look you in the eyes.  

It was so unlike talking to a man, dating a man, you realized quite quickly that most guys had the same similarity, and it was their constant need to act like they had some claim on you, to the point where it would become suffocating. To you, it never felt like love, it felt like they had something to prove..

But Ellie, Ellie felt like the embodiment of love, at least what you assumed love was supposed to feel like. It was the way she constantly cared for you, making sure you were comfortable, and how she would be protective. She was, quite frankly, perfect..

But, you couldn’t help but feel like you didn’t want it, it was complicated, you were complicated.

A constant hot and cold, someone who struggled to recognize their feelings, it wouldn’t be fair to trap Ellie in that, and internally, you knew that, being another big reason why you pushed so hard not to fall for her. 

Deep in your heart, something you’d never like to admit out loud, you weren’t even sure you wanted to be like this, someone who was into women. This feeling in your mind was wrong, with little to no benefit. It was like you could see the future with this revelation, relations with friends, family, they could all be ruined in an instant, crumbling to dust, at the hands of you, simply reflected in the results, honesty..

You had little to no trouble admitting to yourself that the thought of living that life was incredibly unappealing.

And, it’s what made the situation worse, because you weren’t sure if your life was destined for anything else. You weren’t sure if you could go back to a man, especially after meeting Ellie.

You constantly wished you were able to turn it off..but as much as you tried, it didn’t work. 

And it’s how you found yourself in this current predicament, because currently, one of Ellie’s hands is on your cheek, her lips are on yours, moving at a desperate pace, and you’re not pulling back; if anything, you’re leaning further into it.

You don’t know how long it’s even been, it could’ve been seconds, minutes, you lost track of time as soon as her lips became slotted on yours, yet, you do know that the kiss is only picking up in speed, and she’s leaning further into you, soft sounds leaving her lips as her bra pushes against your own. 

Your ears feel like they’re ringing, your mind struggling to even process what the fuck is happening??

Despite the cold water, you feel your body getting hot as you let her kiss you, her hands moving to rest on your waist under the water, pulling you unimaginably closer, if that’s even possible.. Neither of you attempts to stop. And finally, Ellie mutters her first words into your mouth, still refusing to pull back as she talks into the kiss.

“Can we get out of the water?” She sighs as she forces herself to pull back from your lips, ultimately looking at you. 

You finally get a good glimpse of her, closer than you’ve ever been to her face. 

Ellie is easily one of the prettiest people you’ve met, and right now, she almost looks fake. Face illuminated by the moon, her pink cheeks dusted with freckles, her lips shiny from making out, eyes conveying pure desperation and admiration, clearly hoping you say yes.

So you do, you quickly nod, grabbing her hand under the water, interlocking your fingers as you attempt to pull her. 

Ellie knows better, though; she can’t have this be another bedroom situation where you realize it was a mistake the next morning. She needs to hear you say it. Needs proper confirmation that you like her, that you do want this, want her. 

“No- no you have to say it..you need to say yes.” She says softly, her voice slightly shaken from pure nervousness. She continues to look at you, refusing to break eye contact as she awaits an answer. 

You look at her..and you do pause, hesitate and debate if you’re finally willing to take this final step. Ellie’s practically holding out her hand for you, silently promising that if you say yes, she doesn’t plan on letting you go. 

It’s all so inviting, yet it feels like such a permanent thing to admit. With a deep sigh, you just nod, looking at her as you pull her again, smiling softly. “Ellie, yes.” 

Ellie smiles quickly, eyeing you to make sure you’re 100% before she starts to drag you both out of the water, the two of you are only clothed in your bra and underwear, your clothes remaining on the ground near the water, too lost in lust to focus on everything but each other. That fact alone makes your cheeks heat up, a clear blush painting your face. 

As soon as your feet hit the cold grass, Ellie turns around, facing you, eyes bouncing to your eyes, your lips, your body, then back to your eyes. She waits a few seconds before she kisses you again, way more desperate in comparison to the water kiss, like she's trying to prove to you, this is all worth it. 

She could be worth it, if you just let her..

You can only reciprocate it, both of you sharing the same amount of desperation, teeth clashing as the kiss picks up, Ellie moving back to her truck slowly, hands on your waist to make sure you’re moving with her, guiding you. 

In the silence of the atmosphere, you can’t help but let your thoughts get to you, Cat. It was like an uninvited thought in your mind. You got the impression she and Ellie had something going on, whether that be dating or hooking up, you just felt like you needed to ask, not wanting to unintentionally become a homewrecker of some sort. You weren’t even sure if you wanted an answer as to what they are, but you need to ask, leaving you to pull back as you look at her. Ellie, having her eyes still closed, instantly tries to chase your lips, then quickly comes to realize you’re pulling back on purpose, also pulling away to look you properly in the eyes. 

“Are you and Cat-” You end up cutting yourself off, clearing your throat before continuing. “Is there something going on between you two?” Your voice is slightly shaky. You just watch Ellie’s facial expressions, awaiting an answer to your unasked question. 

Ellie almost seems surprised you asked, like she’s shocked you’d even think to ask about Cat. 

She quickly shakes her head, not wasting time to slot her lips against yours, talking into the kiss as her hands rest on your hips, pushing herself closer into your body until your back hits the truck door. “No..fuck- me and Cat are friends” Ellie sighs out into your mouth. 

You don’t buy it, because you don’t look at your friends the way Cat looked at Ellie, you don’t touch them the way Cat touched Ellie. You didn’t think Ellie would lie to your face, you just didn’t believe that they were just a couple of platonic friends. So, you pull back again and look at her. 

You quickly shake your head, continuing to speak as you momentarily break eye contact, nervous under Ellie's green-eyed gaze. “I’m…I’m serious? Has something gone on between you guys, because she seems to be under the impression you're her girl-” 

Ellie cuts you off before you can even finish, not letting you finish the last word. “I swear to you, nothing happened, and nothing will happen. If she’s under that impression..she’s got it” Ellie takes a deep breath before continuing her words “..all fucking wrong.” Her right hand moves to touch your cheek, kissing the corner of your lips before sighing. “Can we please just-” Ellie's hand trails down and squeezes your hips softly, flashing you a nervous smile, hoping you understand her implication to a certain degree. 

You kiss her this time, your own hands moving to her cheek, enjoying the way her hands trail your body. 

Ellie pushes you flush against her truck, hands moving behind you, before they slide down resting on your ass, giving a firm squeeze. Ellie doesn’t even know where that came from!

Her grip makes you let out a nervous noise into her mouth, the kiss becoming far more heated as she takes advantage, pushing her tongue into your mouth, which of course makes you moan into her.

Your whole body feels warm, all the blood in your body rushing to your core, pulling back as you move your back off her truck, turning around and reaching for the handle as you open it for you and Ellie. 

Ellie looks at you, a silent conversation playing between you two as you meet her eyes. She’s not sure if she should make sure if you’re actually okay with this, or if she should just go with the flow, not letting her second-guess what could happen today. Ellie being Ellie, she goes with the first one, not letting her overthink personal pleasure when your wellness is in her hands.. 

“Are you sure?” She dampens, eyes, trailing all over your face. “Because if you’re not..we definitely don’t have to do this?” 

You pause for a few seconds, eyes looking confused, you thought she’d just go with it, but she doesn’t. “Yeah, I mean-”  you quickly stop yourself, eyes looking at her before asking. “Do you.. not want to?” You swallow hard, your mouth feeling dry as you await her response, not skipping any chances to overthink as the question leaves your lips.

Ellie hastily shakes her head as she spits out, way to fucking fast. “No! No, I really would like to.” She then nods, more to herself than you, needing that extra confirmation that she’s ready. “I would really, really, like to.” 

And with that, it’s like you both don’t want to waste more time than you have, quickly moving into the back seat of Ellie's truck, your damp body resting against the leather seats, watching with soft eyes as she crawls over you. Ellie's lips are back on yours in no time, kissing you once again, with so much favour, like she’s scared that if she stops, she loses you, loses this. 

Her hands move all around your body, her wet body pushing against your own as the loose strands of her hair start to frame your face. 

Ellie's kisses are only becoming deeper as you continue to make out with each other. Moans leaving each other's lips, hands becoming more desperate as time continues, it doesn’t feel like time goes by too much before she starts to kiss down your body. 

“Ellie..” You moan softly into the air, the sound of your voice making her smile against your neck, her mouth licking and sucking the soft skin of your throat. She’s so sure she hasn’t heard anything more perfect, the girl she’s been pining over since the beginning of summer moaning out her name, she feels like she’s fucking dreaming..like there’s zero way she has you in this position, moaning for her, kissing her..none of it feels real. 

You watch quietly as her hands move to your bra, squeezing one of your tits as she continues to kiss down your neck, reaching your collarbones, pausing for a few seconds before she decides to suck more soft spots into your skin, eyes almost nervously tilting upwards, silently making sure you’re okay with this.. 

As soon as your eyes lock with Ellie's, you smile softly, hands shakily trailing behind her, reaching the back of her bra. You watch her intently, seeing as she starts kissing up your body, making contact with your lips once again. 

The way she is already moaning against your lips once she makes contact, she’s just so utterly desperate for you.

You hesitantly stop her desperate cries as you start to talk into her mouth. “Can I?”

You don’t even have to tell Ellie twice, she’s already moaning into your mouth, nodding like a madman as she talks without hesitation, not wanting to wait another second. “Yes..please-” Ellie is not able to stop the soft moan that leaves her lips as she says those two words, she can’t even think to care about how pathetic she may sound right now, she just wants you.. 

Your hands are visibly inexperienced and shaken, your eyes shifting up towards Ellie as you fumble with the clasp behind her, chuckling out a short “Fuck..” before you finally get it. Ellie smiles as she looks down at you, her own nerves catching up with her, having the whole situation become far more real, her breath now shallow.. 

Ellie fully pauses once her bra is off, hitting the floor of the truck. You both feel impossibly close to each other, and Ellie can’t help but impulsively look away from your face, eyes hitting the window before she takes a deep breath, moving back into you.

Her lips press against yours once more, she moves them softly, finding a gentle rhythm as she continues to savour the way you feel against her, under her..that along fact alone has her making sure she doesn’t waste a lot of time, moving her own hands to the clasp of your bra. 

Ellie pulls back but doesn’t even get the chance to speak before you’re nodding, the heat that’s hitting your core becoming increasingly impossible to ignore. Smiling as you kiss her again. 

“Eagar..?” Ellie teases, pulling back to look at you, her hand moving to your cheek as she tilts your head to the side, getting the opportunity to kiss your jaw, smiling as she rubs your arm comfortingly. 

All you can do is chuckle, tilting your head away from her. She pauses as her lips disconnect from your throat, looking at you for less than a second before you mutter a short. “Fuck you.” No heat behind it, of course.

Ellie only smiles, her eyes filled with a silent confession..conveying nothing but love..?

Something she’s not even sure is completely logical, you two haven’t known each other for that long..and she knows there’s always a possibility that she’s just convincing herself, since you’ve both been you’ve been through so much together at this point..But, then again, does love ever feel completely right? Is it supposed to feel perfect, because you and Ellie, you’re both far from perfect? You and Ellie have had your bumps, time and time again, and there’s no doubt in that factor..but maybe that acts as cement, solidification, something that could pave something new for both of you, a relationship..

So, she kisses you, without any hesitation. 

Her soft lips start making progress down your body, of course making a short detour to your chest. 

Your hands trail through Ellie's short hair, smiling softly as you look down at her, your heart still beating like crazy. You just watch as she moans against your nipple, a prominent smile hitting her lips once she feels your bud harden underneath her tongue, only encouraging her to drag this part out as long as she can. 

The wet patch on your underwear becomes more noticeable as Ellie's lips continue to work on your nipples, swiftly moving back and forth between the two with efficiency, teeth slightly dragging and scraping on the sensitive skin every so often. 

Her hand starts to trail down your body, her fingers now a tad bit more shaky than she’d like to admit, pausing a bit, a clear hesitation when it comes to reaching for the hem of your underwear. 

Because of course Ellie’s thought about this moment before, fuck, more times then she would like to admit! It always would be late at night when she couldn’t fall asleep, thoughts about being able to see you this way, touch you, just completely obsessed with the idea of getting you into this position, it all crossed her mind, she just never assumed she would actually get there.

She saw those thoughts as a weak moment, slipping into the cracks of her brain, desperately trying to push them out, almost forget them just as soon as they came, because she felt like she wasn’t allowed to see you that way, especially when she felt you made it clear that you and her, it was never going to happen..

Yet, it’s weird, because despite all the times she’s thought about this, she can barley force herself to take that step, suck it up and just push her hand further down. To Ellie, it’s all so fucking overwhelming, unabe to pull her mind away from the possibility of messing up. Like what if she-

“Are you just gonna leave your hand on my lower abdomen or..?” You look at her with soft eyes, lips curling into your familiar smile as you poke fun at her nervousness, dragging her right out of her looming thoughts. It’s almost ironic how you don’t mind teasing her, as if you’re not also in the same boat, drowning in heavy tension and pure agitation. 

“Fuck you!” Ellie laughs out, almost shocked you called her out. “I was- I was getting there..!” She clears her throat as she looks at your eyes, clearing her throat as she moves back into your neck, her lips painting soft, wet spots on your throat once again. Ellie lets herself calm down for a few seconds before she lets out a little breath. “Was gonna ask first..” She says against your skin, her warm breath fanning out as she follows up with a short. “Is this okay..?”  She makes sure to pull back to look at you, that signature nervous smile portraying her features.

Even though the car is pretty dark, apart from the moon-illuminated sky, it wouldn’t take a genius to see that Ellie's cheeks are pink. 

You don’t exactly trust yourself to speak, the whole moment becoming even more real as she mutters those words, fingertips playing with the hem of your underwear. You just nod and kiss her, your hand moving in between you two, finding her own as you drag it down your body in pure anticipation.

Ellie feels you pushing her hand down, having her immediately pull back, wanting to get a good and proper glance at the sight between the two of you, a giddy expression now displaying her whole face. “Tell me what feels good.?” She says as she looks at you. 

You only nod, kissing her again as you feel the pad thumb making contact with your clit, rubbing up and down gently. It didn’t take long till your head met with the door panel of Ellie's truck, your breath catching in your throat as her motions sped up. Taking note of your reaction, Ellie quickly pressed down harder, making firmer circles. 

“Feels good..” You moan out into her quiet car softly, your hand now moving to squeeze the back of her neck, needing an anchor to calm yourself the hell down. 

Ellie only nods at the confirmation, a string of curses slipping from her rosy, wet lips. Her hand practically moves itself, pulling your underwear to the side as her eyes become completely locked and entranced on your wet pussy, watching the way your folds glisten. “You have no fucking idea how long I’ve waited to do this…” Ellie says as she briefly looks up to meet your gaze once again. She nearly pauses her movements completely, taking herself by surprise, a blush hitting her cheeks. 

You smile as you look at her, your breath shallow as soft moans leave your lips, hips bucking into her fingers in desperation, the feeling Ellie’s giving you, only becoming harder to ignore. And despite all of that, you don't miss the opportunity to tease once again, poking fun at Ellie. “I assumed..you’re not very subtle?” 

Ellie mocks a face of offence, her head tilting to the side as she spits out a quick. “Fuck you??” 

She pauses for a few seconds, looking down to kiss you once more, silencing your moans with her lips, swallowing each and every sound. 

“You were oblivious...”

You pause as she kisses you, pulling back to let out a short “I waited a long time..too” eyes now locked with the green-eyed girl. It’s the first time you’ve truly let yourself be honest with Ellie, and it has your cheeks flushing a strong pink.

The confirmation that you, someone who she assumed was completely out of her league, saying that you also wanted this, that one sentence immediately has Ellie's shy smile appearing back on her face, an infinite amount of reassurance and confidence flowing throughout her body. 

It’s like that’s all Ellie needed, because soon enough, she’s letting out a soft “Oh yeah..?” As her voice drops, it turns a bit more raspy.

The once shy smile shifts into a sly grin, the pace in her fingers drastically slowing down.

Ellie watches your expression as she starts to run her fingers through your wetness. Her dilated pupils never leave yours as she inserts her middle finger up to the knuckle, eyeing you as your brows furrow to the foreign feeling of her finger being inside you.

Ellie pauses quickly, eagerly pushing down your underwear, throwing it, god knows where, inside her cramped truck before she moves to kiss your lips again. 

Ellie continued to kiss you, silently pulling her finger back until only the tip remained inside, pushing it right back in only a few seconds later, quickly finding a rhythm you seemed to enjoy. 

It was like Ellie couldn’t pull her eyes away from you, you were single-handedly the most beautiful thing she had ever seen, captivating from the moment she met you. You watched as she pulled away from the kiss, her eyes shamelessly locked onto the sight of your pussy swallowing her fingers, completely unable to look away from the site. 

Your moans are only getting louder, rolling your hips eagerly to meet Ellie's rhythm. You felt as she started to speed up her rhythm, adding her pointer finger alongside her middle, desperately trying to push you over that edge.

Then, she stops, waiting less than a second before she experimentally curls her finger towards your front, meeting that spongy spot, the action making a loud whimper leave your throat, your eyes fluttering shut, opposed to hers, which snap to your face, studying each and every expression.

“Fuck Ellie..” You moan out loudly, waiting a few short moments before adding. “Just like that.”

Ellie nods quickly, despite your eyes being shut. She watches the way your mouth falls open, making an “O” shape, her fingers continuing to curl inside you, biting her lip softly at the soft sounds that fill the car. 

Ellie starts pushing further back to create some space, stopping once her spine is met with the inner panel of her truck, fingers still curling inside of you as she bends down slowly. Your eyes start to shift open as you watch her move to reach your core comfortably, letting her warm breath spread on your cunt for a few seconds before she suctions your clit into your mouth. Her fingers remain flicking inside of you, eyes locked onto your face, studying your features intently as she moves one hand to your thigh, squeezing it softly.

You were starting to wonder if Ellie had done this before.

Yet that thought was gone just as soon as it came, now focused on the way your back arched off the back seat, moaning loudly as your hand moved down to thread through Ellie's hair. You could feel the pressure starting to become increasingly overwhelming, the warmth building in your lower stomach, you knew you would cum soon.

“I’m- fuck..I’m close, Ellie!” Your grip in her hair tightened, and you pulled her mouth flush against your pussy. A loud moan leaves Ellie's lips as she lets herself be pushed into your core, now starting to lick. Your breath caught in your throat as your back started to arch, the feeling of your orgasm approaching becoming impossible to ignore.

Ellie digs her nails into your thighs, watching as one last loud and high-pitched whine leaves your lips, your high crashing over you. Your thighs attempt to close, but Ellie quickly pulls out her two dampened fingers, now using both of her hands to push them back open, her mouth starting to assault your clit as she works you through your orgasm. 

The feeling has you pulling back, your palm pushing against her forehead as you shake your head quickly. “Fuck Ellie..it’s too much..” You sign out, chest falling up and down hastily as you sit up. Your back falls flat against the door panel, head falling limp on the car window.

With those words leaving your lips, and you pushing your body back, that’s all Ellie needs to start pulling away from your drenched pussy, a soft smile on her glossy lips. Spit and your juices cover her jaw, as she’s completely looked in on your fucked out expression. 

“..You’re so fucking wet” Ellie sighs, looking down at the mess between your thighs before she moves forward to kiss you, pulling back a few inches to allow her wet fingers to move in between you two..eyeing you with a silent question. 

You don’t even hesitate as you move Ellies two fingers into your mouth, sucking them clean while your eyes stay locked on hers, your hand on her wrist holding it securely, you wanting to decide when your done.

Ellie feels like she could pass out, because none of this even seems real, you don’t seem real.

She’s so focused on her thoughts that her brain fails to process the fact that your hand is moving down to her underwear, which, for the record, is absolutely drenched, a wet spot painting the area. 

Your eyes don’t break contact as you ask. “Is this-” 

Ellie’s already nodding without a second thought, having you tease. 

“And you said I was eager.” You spit out, smiling as your hand casually plays with the curly hair just above her pussy, fingers dipping inside her underwear. 

“You’re such a dick?” She smiles, eyes peering down, literally just fucking waiting for you to touch her. She then pauses, looking down as if it’s a signal, muttering out a.. “Please.” 

Once that word leaves Ellie's pretty lips, lips that still taste like you, you simply can’t resist, nodding quickly as your hand finds the mess inside her underwear. 

Yours eyes don’t leave Ellies for a second, not even when your two fingers touch her clit, smiling once you see her mouth fall agape, a moan straight from her gut leaving her lips. “Feel good..?” You ask softly, your inexperienced fingers moving in a familiar pattern. 

Ellie just nods, bobbing her head like an idiot as her moans become far more consistent and less spaced out. 

“Oh my fucking-” Ellie arches her back off the door panel, not being able to finish her sentence as she starts moving her body closer to you, rocking her hips desperately to match your rhythm. “Feels so fucking good..” She sighs out, her hand moving down to your wrist pushing it further down as she mutters softly. “Will you finger me?” 

You barely even let the words process in your brain before you’re smiling and nodding. You basically rip off Ellies underwear, throwing it somewhere in her car before you’re eagerly pushing two fingers into Ellie's desperate hole, watching as her pussy swallows your fingers till they bottom out. 

“This feel good?” You ask innocently, as if your fingers aren’t now thrusting in and out of her. 

“Mhm..” She nods, her walls clenching around you, moving her hips to guide you, now having her practically ride your fingers. 

“Fuck Ellie, you feel so good.” You mutter, watching as she buries her head into the crook of your neck, moaning softly as she stabilizes herself with both hands on your waist. 

With no warning, she slowly moves to pull you closer, slotting your core onto her thigh, smiling as she pulls away from your neck, watching your wetness drip onto her thigh.

Your fingers continue to fuck Ellie relentlessly as she lets out a soft. “Just like that..” Her voice now becoming further weak and shaky, falling right into your ear. 

The sound of Ellies voice only made you more horny, if that was even possible. Your gaze just continued to focus down on her thigh, watching as juicies from your pussy started to leak onto her thigh, your fingers still managing to pump in and out of her with consistency. 

You watched as she silently started to move her hands back and forth on your waist, urging you to move on her thigh, to which you complied, your fingers now slipping out of her. 

In no time, you two are moving in unison, Ellie's freckled arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you impossibly close, your arms staying looped around her neck. Your hips never stop, moving in a rhythm that feels good for the both of you, Ellie moaning loudly each time your knee hits her clit, rubbing it just right,

It doesn’t take long for the tension to snap for the both of you, Ellie leaning in to kiss you passionately, her hips moving frantically against your knee as she fucks herself through it, whines leaving her lips everytime her clit rubs against your knee. 

You both pull away from the kiss after a few seconds, gasping for air as your foreheads push against each other, her eyes pierced into your own, her hands trailing around your body, something which is so new, yet feels so perfectly familiar..

“Fuck..” You sigh.

Ellie follows. “Yeah..fuck” 

Ellie immediately wants to ask what this means for the two of you, wanting to know if this is confirmation that you want to be with her, really be with her..She wants to know if you're ready for a relationship, ready to question what happens when you leave after summer's over, she wants to lay it out, then and there..

But then you move off of her, looking at her softly as you lie back in the back seat of her truck. 

Ellie does know she should ask, because she knows when it comes to you, communication isn’t either one of your strong suits..but she also doesn’t want to ruin the moment.

So, she waits a few seconds before leaning forward, moving her body to lie over you, her head on your chest, lips on your collarbone, closing her eyes, and forcing herself to fall asleep. 

You wake up to the feeling of Ellie's body pressed against your own. 

The bright sun flashing through the windows of Ellie's car made the truck feel extremely hot and cramped.

You look down at Ellie's head lying against you, her hair is sprawled out on your bare chest, lips still pressed against your collarbone, same position as when she fell asleep, you feel as her thumb lazily drags back and forth on your hips comfortingly, a silent absent minded gesture..but it means a lot. 

You currently don’t know what to do, because you are in the back seat of Ellie’s truck, completely naked, sweating, and her body is pressed against your own. 

Your mind won’t even recognize the fact you and Ellie slept together last night, almost like it’s being pushed out..fuck..

It almost went unnoticed that you let the last bit slip out, only realizing once Ellie softly groaned against you, talking against your body. “You okay..?” She sighs, eyes still closed, thumb still on your body. 

You don’t understand how Ellie’s so calm..how she lives this life with no worry.

“Yeah..did I wake you?” You ask softly, trying to calm down your nerves.

Ellie just smiles and shakes her head, moving to lift her head and face you, opening her eyes in the process. 

“No, the truck is hot as shit.” Ellie chuckles softly. 

As soon as Ellie looks at you, smiles, and chuckles, you are instantly reminded that this is fine, there’s no need to worry.

“You could’ve opened the windows, Einstein.” You look at her, chuckling back. 

“I didn’t want to accidentally wake you, you looked so peaceful..!” Ellie smiles, her hand moving to touch your cheek, her fingers then reaching to push a loose strand of hair out of your eyes.

You only look at Ellie observing her actions as your heart rate picks up, cheeks flushing. You’ve never felt this way about anyone; that in itself is scary. 

It’s not ideal, Ellie’s a woman, it only makes this thing..so much harder to approach.

You’re not sure how you would tell people, and you’re not sure if you can deal with the fact that some, if not most, people will treat you different-

“I need to get our clothes.” Ellie cuts off your train of thought, her hand moving to your waist for a light squeeze as she chuckles. “We left our shit outside so-” 

You quickly nod, smiling as you watch her awkwardly peek out of the window, making sure no one's around. 

Ellie runs outside, grabbing the discarded clothes near the water, quickly moving back inside the truck once she grabs everything, handing you your clothes, bending over to hand you your bra and underwear from the ground, along with grabbing her own.

“Can you drive me home..? My dad is probably wondering why the hell I didn’t come home last night.” You ask softly, clipping your bra back on, watching as she does the same. 

Ellie nods softly, talking. “Yeah..of course.” She gives you a light smile as she pulls her underwear back on, her gaze lingering on you for a few seconds after you turn away. 

The drive back to your place was quiet..

There was so much tension, but neither of you allowed yourself to speak, even thinking about recognizing what you both did, it had your hands sweating. 

The swap from the unwavering passion from last night to whatever this was nearly gave you guys both whiplash. You both knew what you did, but talking about it, the communication part, that was, of course, absent, it always was.

The only words that were spoken were when the ride was coming to an end, Ellie pulling her truck into your dad's driveway, clearing her throat. “Well..here you are.” She looks at you. 

You unbuckle your seatbelt, turning your gaze to her. “Thanks for the drive..!” You said your tone was way too cheery to be true.

As soon as your hand reached for the door handle, you felt Ellie swiftly move her hand over your own, talking, her voice soft and quieter than she intended, but she was nervous; she couldn’t exactly control it. “I had a good time..last night, just so you know.” She says, clearing her throat as her hand squeezes yours gently.

You nod, looking at her, your gaze moving away from her hand. “I did too..” You take a deep breath before continuing. “Thanks for- for everything.” You nod once more, eyes moving down to her lips..

“You don’t have to thank me?” She chuckles awkwardly, the soft sound of her laugh being replaced by the gentle hum of her truck, becoming louder as ever as the atmosphere is filled with silence. 

It doesn't take long for Ellie's eyes to widen, quickly realizing where you're looking. 

She’s far from dumb, and she knows that this is the perfect moment to make a move, so with that, Ellie leans in hesitantly, eyes locked on your lips. 

Your eyes shift up to meet her own as you feel her moving closer. You stare at her, watching as she doesn't let her eyes waver, pupils completely locked as she refuses to pull away from the direction of your lips..moving her hand, which was previously on your own, to softly slide up your cheek.

Right before your lips met, eyes closing, the tension feeling like electricity flowing between you two, the sound of the front door opening had you immediately pulling away from Ellie, clearing your throat as you talked nervously.

“Fuck- thank you, again Ellie!” You spit out, slightly exasperated as you grab the door handle, not wasting much time in pushing it open. 

Ellie can’t even respond before you’re shutting the door in her face, the ghost of your breath still burning on her skin, cheeks completely flushed. You’re easily one of the most confusing people Ellie has met. She never could properly understand how a human could change emotions so fast. One moment, you’re looking at her lips, staring at them with complete passion, and the next, you're shutting the door in her face, not even being able to grant her with the basic decency of fucking eye contact. That moment there made Ellie want to leave, refusing to let herself stay long and dwell in your driveway, pulling out as she heads for the road. 

You, on the other hand..you can barely even process that you slammed the door on Ellie's face, because your legs feel like jelly, and the silent walk up to the porch, it’s killing you. Your eyes meet with your dad, already prepared for the confrontation this will probably cause. You were out all night, didn’t tell him you were leaving the house and snuck out, and now you're coming home in Ellie's truck. 

The worst part, you’re not even sure if he saw it.

“Where the hell were you?” He spits, eyebrows deeply furrowed. 

Your father's not one to get mad, and truly, you only saw it a few times throughout your childhood. You can tell from his eye bags and unchanged work clothes, there's a high chance he stayed up all night, probably panicking once he was met with your empty bedroom. 

“You don’t just sneak out in the middle of the god damn night..!” He looks at you, eyes scanning your face before he pauses, taking a deep breath. He never wants to seem overly rude when it comes to you, he knows you’re an adult, but you’re also his daughter.. “You know you still owe me the basic respect of telling me where you’re going?” He looks at you, just waiting for something..

“I- I was just out with Ellie..!” You look at him, about to speak, before he cuts you off.

“And you could’ve told me that! I had no idea where you were..had me calling Joel at one in the damn mornin’ for crying out loud.” His words momentarily trail off, trying to collect his thoughts before continuing, “And for the record, Joel also wasn’t aware of this little endeavour that the two of you decided to go on. At midnight, mind you.”

Your eyes lower now focused on the wooden porch below you, guilt settling into your chest before you mumble. “It’s not like we were doing anything, we just went to a lake and- and I didn’t think it would be a huge deal.” 

He scoffs lightly, running a hand through his hair. “You didn’t think?” He repeats softly, his voice now quieter, but somehow heavier. “What if something had happened?” He mutters, exhaling through his nostrils. “I understand you’re not a kid anymore, and believe me, I’m not trying to treat you like one.” He stays silent for a few moments before continuing, “But you and Ellie aren’t foolish, you leave a note, or check in.” 

You nod softly, moving your eyes away from the porch as you talk to him, voice low and quiet. “Okay, I will check in next time..sorry.” 

“Goodness..” He sighs out, hand running down his own face, silently shaking his head before he turns his gaze in your direction. Your dad watches you for a moment longer than you’re truly comfortable with, the air shifting as you eye him, noticing how his expressions are hard to read. You can tell he’s thinking, quietly letting his thoughts flow. His brows pinch slightly, his mouth tightens like he wants to say something, or at least preparing to say something, only the soft sound of the wind rustling around you fills the silence.

When he finally does speak, his voice is low and questioning. “What could’ve possibly been that interesting about a lake?” He chuckles dryly, truly not understanding the appeal, and it’s not like you can be honest.

His gaze only lingers for a moment, searching for something in you silence. Then, almost like he’s thinking out loud, he just spits it out.

“When she dropped you off.” 

He trails off, the rest of his sentence getting lost somewhere in the space between the two of you.

Your stomach completely turns. Nausea creeping in like a tidal wave. He didn’t see, He couldn’t have seen. But, either way, it doesn’t stop your skin from going cold, the blood slowly leaving your face. You can’t bring yourself to speak, not even knowing what to say, say you tried. You feel exposed, like he already knows something you’ve never said out loud. And even though your thoughts are racing, it’s almost like your mind feels empty, frozen.

“She waited a second before driving off.” He clears his throat, adding, his voice now more gentle. “Did somethin’ happen, a fight of some sort?” 

You can’t even process what he’s saying before his words continue. “I don’t know..just figured that meant something.” His voice is careful, obviously testing the waters, trying to understand the weight of each word as he says it. “You know, Ellie’s a good kid, she’s been since I’ve met her..and well, I guess, I just don’t want you to feel like you have to shut me out of things.” He looks at you, not missing the way your eyes flash with vulnerability, quickly covered with insecurity.

For you, the question hits harder than it probably should, and you’re shaking your head way too fast, like you were on stand-by to deny whatever he was going to say to you. “I’m not.” You say without hesitation, like lying to his face is nothing to you. “It’s not like that dad” You add quickly, casually.

Lying like it’s nothing.

After the whole situation with your Ellie, your father, the truck, you’ve been held up in your room since, and you assumed it was guilt. You hated lying, but you hated the possibility that things might change if you were honest, and in that moment, lying seemed like the gateway to an easier conversation.

It’s only been a day, and you still haven’t seen Ellie again. You want to talk to her, but god, talking has never been a strong suit..which only becomes increasingly more obvious..

Ellie made everything feel so real. It was in the way she looked at you, kissed you, held you..that’s what made the whole situation so scary, that part terrified you more than anything else. What would you do if you lost that? What if you push her so far away that there’s no way back? 

It wasn’t out of character. It was just you, doing what you knew best, shutting the door on someone before they got the chance to prove themselves. 

You’ve been staring at the same spot on the wall for what feels like hours, lost in the loop of your thoughts, still, of course, going absolutely nowhere, yet still managing to exhaust you. Everything's been a blur since it happened. Ellie, your dad, the words you couldn’t force yourself to say. You refuse to leave your bedroom, trying to pretend you are fine when your dad passes by.

You kept telling yourself it was guilt. That maybe, if you ended up sitting with it long enough, it would find a way to burn itself out. But guilt, it’s not the only thing keeping you in your bedroom, it’s fear, it’s the fear that if you open that door, everything changes, and you won't be able to hide the fact that you can still feel Ellie's lips on yours. 

The way she held your face as she kissed you, mumbling sweet nothings into your ear as you both fell asleep in each other's arms. You couldn’t recreate that with somebody, not even if you tried. 

You flinch when there's a knock on your door, two soft taps. Then, your dad's voice through the door emerged. “Hey, just a heads up, I invited Joel and Ellie for dinner, figured it would be nice to have a night with them!” 

Great..

He doesn’t understand the brewing anxiety that comes with Ellie's name, because to him, it’s just Joel and Ellie. To you, it’s everything you’ve been trying to avoid. Ellie’s name hits you like a weight, pulling you back headfirst into everything you’ve tried not to feel.

“They’ll be here in an hour-ish,” He adds, the sounds of his footsteps retreating downstairs sounding deafening. 

You just sit there, frozen for a few moments. 

She’s coming.

And no amount of silence or hiding will stop that.

You stay in your room for the entire hour as you wait. 

You’ve now changed your shirt at least three times, swapped your hairstyle more times than you could count, and have stared at your reflection for so long, you're ironically starting to forget what you even look like.

None of it helps.

You don’t even understand what you’re trying to fix at this point, your appearance, even your nerves, possibly the fact that you nearly sprinted away from Ellie like she was on fire, you feel like you’re suffocating, and standing in your room picking yourself apart in complete silence, it’s not helping. Shocking.

Every sound that arises from downstairs has you perking, every creak of the floorboards, you’re just waiting for them, knowing that Ellie and Joel could walk through the doors of your father's home at any minute.

You know it’s ridiculous, waiting for her to show up, but after everything you’ve left unsaid, you feel like you owe Ellie a proper conversation..the moment you both almost had, in the silence of her truck, leaning forward..all which was then shattered once you got out of her truck, swung the door shut and bolted. 

You can still feel the weight of her hand over yours, her soft voice reassuring you that she also enjoyed herself. Regret settles in your chest the second you remember how you slammed the door between you.

And now she’s coming to your father's home.

To sit across from you, as you both act like nothing had happened. 

The sound of the gentle hum of an engine catches your attention instantaneously, your head immediately peering to look outside your window. You hear the footsteps crunch on the gravel, Ellie getting out of the passenger seat of her truck, laughing softly at something Joel said. Your father greeted them both from the porch.

Although you can’t hear what was said, the sound of her laugh hits you square in the chest, warm and familiar. 

You’ve got it bad. 

She looks practically the same as when you saw her earlier yesterday morning, same worn boots, and tight jeans that hug her just right, she ended up swapping out her brown faded flannel for a grey hoodie, hands tucked into her pockets. Despite the fact that she’s smiling, there’s something subtle in her face, the way her smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes, that tells you this isn’t easy for her either.

You watch silently from your window as Joel heads towards the front door, a casual wave to your father, Ellie lingering for a few seconds before she follows, eyes scanning forward. 

With your heart pounding, you know you just need to suck it up. 

You can’t stay upstairs forever, not when Ellie’s already inside. Not when you can practically feel her just downstairs, you were being such a coward about it.

You move to your bedroom door, pausing for a few seconds just to check your reflection. You notice the fact that your hair looks a little too put-together, in a way that seems unnatural. Your eyes trailed down to your clothes, which now seem wrinkled..you mumble out a short 

“Fuck..”

You couldn’t let yourself dwell on it, forcing yourself to leave, swallowing hard as you trail down the stairs. You hear Ellie's voice again, it’s soft, quiet. 

Your eyes don’t move away from her figure; she’s not yet looking at you, but the second she does, it’s instant.

Your eyes meet.

It only lasts for a few seconds, but it lands like a punch for the two of you. There’s something about the way she’s willing to hold your gaze like no one's watching, her gaze steady as she gives you a light, awkward smile. It reminds you, strangely, of the first time you met her. How stiff she had been, giving you a false confident smile, as if seeing you put her on some sort of edge.

And it’s not so different now.

You notice how she straightens a little when she sees you, her chin lifting, shoulders not slouching, like she’s trying not to show how much you affect her. 

And you do the same, neither of you says anything. And yet, it’s so loud.

Joel and your father dispersed into the kitchen, your dad saying something in the background about dinner, asking Joel to help with the plates. For you, that comes through muffled, like you’re underwater. All you can think about is Ellie and how she’s in front of you. 

Ellie’s the first to speak, clearing her throat softly, as her eyes start to flick away. You watch as she plays with her pointer and middle finger, the same ones that were in you just last night, before she shoves her hands deep into the pockets of her jeans. “Hey.” It’s quiet, but it’s for you.

“Hey.” You echo, voice thin, and far quieter than you intended it to be. 

The silence that follows isn’t exactly uncomfortable, it’s just heavy. It’s like you both know too much, yet both refuse to speak upon it.

Ellie doesn’t move, but her eyes flicker over you quickly. She’s silently trying to memorize all her favourite things about you, something else to preoccupy her mind while she silently faces you.

You, you’re wondering how much last night will change things between you two, because, before that night, you and Ellie were already broken. “Nail in the coffin.” There was no way you could go back to being friends, even before that night. Sleeping with her last night just solidified that.

And you almost manage to say something. Opening your mouth in preparation.

But then your dad’s voice rises again from the kitchen, calling both of your names, telling you food was already set, your dad prepping before they got here. It ended up pulling you right back to the surface. Ellie looks in the direction of the sound, then back at you, her mouth forming to become tight-lipped. 

“We should probably…go?” She mumbles, voice unintentionally low.

You just nod. “Yeah.”

Neither of you makes the first move.

Your eyes don’t move away from her, eyeing as her hands stay in her pocket. You can just tell she wants to say more, like the words are sitting in the back of her throat, threatening to leave at any given moment, she just needs an opening, permission. 

You don’t want to give it, not yet. 

Instead, you turn, leading the way into the dining room, where the noise of your fathers and Joel's voice gets louder, them laughing over each other, as they set the table, cutlery and dishes clinking. Your dad pauses to look at you, joking softly. 

“A smile wouldn’t hurt girls, I was damn near slaving away on that barbecue out there..!” He chuckles at his own joke, Joel following suit as he lets out a belly laugh. 

While Ellie is often honest with Joel, considering he’s always been there for her, she figured she could keep what happened that night quiet. Lying to his face when he asked why you both were out so late, and why she felt the need not to tell him. She just said you guys went swimming, then accidentally passed out in her truck after the matter. 

You and Ellie both don’t laugh at the joke, yet Ellie does spare them with a soft smile. It never met her eyes, but they didn't seem to notice, thankfully. Your dad and Joel are far too busy digging into the food to focus completely, indulging in their own conversation anyway. 

You noticed.

After grabbing a plate of food, you sat down facing the kitchen, your chair scraping slightly against the hardwood. Ellie decided to settle into the seat opposite of you. You glanced at her with silent surprise, caught off guard momentarily. You noticed the open chairs closer to your dad and Joel. It’s deliberate, though she plays it off like it isn’t.

She sits down slowly, her boots gently thudding beneath the table. She says nothing. You say nothing. 

It takes a lot of effort to keep your gaze down, to act casual as you poke your fork into your salad, you don’t even feel hungry, you haven’t since you left Ellie with a cold door to her face. Across the table, you see that her hands stay in her lap, reaching to drink her water every few moments. 

You look over to the clinking silverware, the low murmur of your dad and Joel’s conversation filling the whole space around you. They’re honestly in their own world, laughing, complaining about farm work, the whole ordeal.

And in your world?

It’s just you and Ellie, sitting a small distance away from each other.

You catch her looking at you a few times throughout the dinner, once, then twice, then three times. By that point, you stopped counting. It was never long, but always heavy, definitely not accidental. Each time your eyes meet, it’s like a silent conversation, one that is actively trying to claw its way to the surface. 

It makes you wonder if she’s thinking about the same thing. Making you lose time as dinner stretches way longer than it needs to. You were full before you even started to dig into your plate, and just like you, Ellie seemed far more interested in pushing around her food than finishing it.

Your dads both excused themselves, saying they’re going to have a beer on the porch, and if you needed them, they would be there.

Leaving you and Ellie alone once again, the question on both of your tongues. She glances towards the window for a few seconds before just spitting it out softly. “Can we talk?” 

Your eyes meet hers, and this time, you don’t look away; you just nod. Already standing from the table to move into your backyard, shoes and boots falling onto the porch quietly. The door slid shut behind the two of you. The air smells like the end of summer, if that even makes sense. Warm air, fresh cut grass. You can’t help but feel sad, knowing soon enough this will come to an end. 

You walk together till you both sit on the steps of the porch, the silence between you stretching, like it’s waiting, waiting for truth to finally come out. Confessions. 

The silence just lingers, probably for a bit too long, it doesn’t feel like other times where it was sharp, it feels softer now, like it’s ready to come out. Ellie simply fidgets next to you, thumbs pressing into her palms nervously, and you can tell she’s thinking, trying to get her words right before she decides to speak. Ellie never did well with feelings, she had trouble understanding her own, or anyone else’s. It’s what’s making you both so impossible. Neither of you enjoys communicating, and you both find yourself pushing back those important conversations.

You’re the one who breaks the silence, voice barely above a whisper. “This is weird, right? We sleep together, and suddenly, eye contact is our limit.” You smile, trying to ease the tension as you look at her green irises.

Ellie only glances over at you, not with any judgment, just a small shrug. “It doesn’t have to be that way..we just make it that way.”

You only respond with a huff of your breath. The answer partially annoys you. She’s just stating the way things are, of course, you knew that..

You clear your throat, now refusing to make eye contact as you look straight ahead. The air is now cool, the sun lingering past the trees, painting a golden light on the grass. “I don’t know..I just keep thinking how different this would be if I were someone else or something.”

Ellie moves, shifting to turn and look at you, your shoulders meeting. “Someone else?” She repeats, eyeing you intently. She wants to know what you’re implying. 

“I just..I get in my head, constantly.” You admit, turning to look at her, eyes meeting. “I get scared of how..of how people will react if I tell them this part of me.” You sign out, admitting for the first time out loud to Ellie, you have in fact, fallen for her. Ellie hasn’t stopped watching you, not for a second. Her eyes are quiet, patient. You notice how her eyes don’t waver from your figure, and that just makes it harder to speak.

You pause, looking at your hands for a moment. They’re now fidgeting with your shirt, you’ve thought it, felt it, replayed this moment in you head since you basically fucking met Ellie, but saying it out loud. That part's scary, terrifying.

“I just..I don’t want you to think it didn’t mean anything, like it was a one-off, “heat of the moment” thing.” You continue, your throat now tight. “I just spent so long pretending, and I feel like I wasted the whole summer being so unfair to you..” You frown and manage to glance back up at her, meeting Ellie's eyes. “I want you to know..you didn’t deserve that, and me being scared doesn’t excuse how I treated you throughout this whole summer.” You swallow the lump forming in your throat, barely noticing the way your nails are digging into your palm.

All that’s going through Ellie’s mind is the fact that this is all she needs to know. This isn’t hesitation. It’s not confusion, and she knows that this isn’t only something as little as lust..  

This is love. 

She’s quiet for a few moments, then. “Do you think I’m not scared?” Ellie smiles softly, tilting her head as her fingers move a loose strand of hair out of your eyes. “I mean, I know I have that cool badass rep-”

You cut her off as soon as she starts, not letting her trail off on a stupid monologue. “Ellie, shut up.” A soft laugh leaves your lips, your hand trailing to cover her own, squeezing it gently.. 

She’s looking at you, smiling. Her face is calm, but not careless. Her eyes showcased pure vulnerability and honesty. “I do care..and I won’t lie, and say it doesn’t fucking bother me when people..talk?” This is the most Ellie’s probably shared with someone, her heart pounding in her chest.

“When it comes to you, though..” Your breath catches in your throat, feeling the tension between you two shift, you’re not even sure what to say, just waiting for her to continue. “I don’t feel the need to even want to hide it.”

Ellie then pauses, adding on once more. “I’m not asking you to broadcast it..just..I don’t know, I wanna try?” 

“And if you think I’m going to judge you for being scared..I’m not?” She dampens. A lot of the stuff you did to her throughout this summer wasn’t cool, and she knows that. But, she doesn’t feel like she is in the position to put you on blast for not being able to express your feelings properly, because that's something Ellie herself has dealt with.

You stare at her, the words landing like a soft blow to your chest. It’s not in a bad way, it just feels real. Too real. Ellie's looking at you like she means it, looking at parts of you only she knows. You knew how none of this is easy. If anything, it’s scarier. You got long-awaited confirmation that this could work, you and her…but you’re not sure how to continue. You don’t even live down here, you don’t visit your dad often, and you’ll be packing for school as soon as you arrive back home.

You only swallow hard, eyes drifting to the space in between you, too. Honesty. 

“I- I mean I don’t live here..then I’ll be packing for college, Ellie.” You remind her, eyes moving upwards to intently trace her features. 

“I have a car, I could drive you down to your mother's, help you pack.” She states, Ellie is already seeming dead set on making this work. “And, you know, when you leave, you could write to me, I could write to you?” She nods along to her own words. “I could save up, fly down to your college once you move down there..?”

You look at her, eyes tearing up as you let yourself hear her out. She seems so determined, already making sure she can figure out ways to make this work efficiently, so you just nod silently.

“Okay..” Your voice falters. You try once more. “I think I’d like that.” 

Ellie doesn’t smile, not exactly. You watch as something shifts in her face, leaning in to kiss you without a second thought, laughing as your back hits the porch floor, her hands holding your cheeks.

It’s not a promise it'll work out, but it’s a promise you’ll both try.

A/N -> IT IS FINALLY DONE

I’m hoping this chapter is somewhat worth the wait, and I’ll forever be sorry for how long I made you guys wait 😭

I know I've been saying this constantly, but school was taking up ALL my spare free time, and as soon as I got a break from that, I ended up being busy with work, so. /:

I’m not sure what to expect for the future of this account tbh, but I don’t plan on disappearing forever, it’s just clear that right now, I’m not in a moment of my life where I can be committed to making a full, complete series.

I have ideas, and I may just be starting to take the route of one shots or short smaus. (Since I do love writing.)

With that, thank you SOO MUCH to everyone who stuck around till the end, ILYASM <333

Literally just finished wrapping it up!

As promised, it will be out later today, I’m going to partially proofread it, so I guess except it at any time!

I apologize once again for taking forever to wrap this story up. The original plot had over 7k words on it, but it just didn’t seem in line with how I wrote each and every character. (so I had to backtrack, delete, and change everything 😃)

it’s actually coming out this month.

I PROMISE!!!

I definitely plan on writing the fourth part sometime this month.

I’m actually so sorry for keeping everyone waiting, I’ve just been SO busy and I haven’t had time to write.

I also plan on the fourth probably being the last, so I wanna make sure I end it with no loose ties. (And still trying to decide how the ending will go!)

PT3 - Veil Of Petals

masterlist

PART 1 // PART 2 // PART 4

Falling in love is hard. Worse when you know it can’t happen.

Summery -> You and Ellie were now under the same impression, you’re friends once again, the rough patch of your friendship now supposedly over..if only it was that easy!

This chapter contains -> Heavy with internalized homophobia / A lot of this part is in Reads POV / Angst / Jealous!Reader finally makes an appearance / Cat also makes an appearance 🌚 / Cat and Ellie sorta have a thing / No established relationship but ig it’s implied / Denying of feelings / I describe readers clothing once / Kissing / Lots of confusion / Tensionnnnnnn / They’re both convinced that feelings aren’t reciprocated / Eventual smut! / (Lmk if I missed anything!!!) /

WC : 8k

(Not proofread)

You were desperate. 

You knew you put the nail in the coffin with Ellie.

You could easily sense how the atmosphere between you two changed. Sure you were “friends,” on good pages, but you both felt it. It couldn’t help but feel like the two of you were actively stepping over broken glass at the hands of you. 

You shattered that previous connection as soon as you yelled at Ellie. Agreeing with what the party attendees said, what Jack said. And you wanted so bad to think that maybe a part of that freakout was indeed valid. That the whole situation was the fault of Ellie. But it was just a shitty excuse, something to cover how you actually felt about her. A feeling that you aren’t sure you’ve ever truly had. I mean, the last thing you wanted to admit is that maybe you’ve fallen for a girl.

So you yelled at her without a second thought; you made her feel stupid, gross, like she was the problem. Because to you, that felt easier, far easier than accepting that maybe you not pulling back from her that night, letting your lips rest on her pale skin, mumbling that you were okay with what was playing out actually fucking meant something- 

You genuinely just wanted to ignore that there was a chance it wasn’t all on her. And you knew why. You knew that she was different; from the little moments where she would smile at something you said, it was embarrassing how fast your heart would suddenly increase in pace. Or when her touch would linger, and coincidentally you were hyperaware of anything and everything around you...

You’d like to think you’re not dumb, but it shouldn’t have taken Ellie assuring you that she didn’t see you that way, confirming to your face that she never actually had feelings for you, adding on how you were just her best friend; her uttering those sentences shouldn’t have made you realize that a friend wasn't all she was. It was laughable, because really, how was that the night where it clicked? You genuinely couldn’t wrap your head around that being the moment where you realized you liked Ellie. It was ridiculous.

And now, you’re coming to the realization that the Ellie you liked, that version of her, was gone. And the worst part was it wasn’t in the form of her being a dick or ignoring you. She never deliberately treated you differently. She was just more aware of how you two acted together. She didn’t lie on your bedroom floor, peeking over your shoulder to get a glance of your book. Rather, she stayed on your bed. 

Late nights filled with laughs, and often drives also stopped, and even if you wanted to, you couldn’t even fucking blame her. Ellie stopped making that effort, and in all honesty, you did too. It was a tremendous shift from the beginning of your friendship, which once felt so light, now felt extremely forced. Like you were trying to fix a broken piece of glass, it was impossible to hide those shatters.

Because fuck, it was to the point where the only time you guys would actually hang out was when Joel would come over to see your father. 

It was like she’d be scared to be in your personal space again, and even though you knew Ellie would never tell you, you were fully aware that the outcome of your friendship was your fault. And you weren’t even sure if you could fix it. 

You have a little over a month to spend at your dad's place, and then, soon enough, you’d go back home to your mom's, prepared to pack your bags and leave for college. And it was like a polar opposite from when you first arrived, because despite being desperate in the beginning to leave, you wanted nothing more than to have more time. Try to mend whatever you broke. Yet time was ticking, and you can’t stop the inevitable. You were sure to be leaving soon.

As you are lying on your bed, your mind racing with a billion different thoughts, the faint sound of a yell is heard echoing from downstairs. You sigh and sit up, pushing your palms against your mattress. You’re not even sure if you heard correctly. 

Much to your dismay, soon enough there was a swing of the door, and your father walked in with a bright smile displayed all over his face. “Do I have to get a megaphone for you?” He chuckles, his voice a little strained. 

A dry chuckle leaves your lips, quickly having them curl into a smile. With a light shake of your head, you respond, “No?” You pause and swing your legs over the edge of your bed; you talk as you rise to your feet. “What's up?” 

“Joel and Ellie are coming over today.” He pauses and then continues. “For dinner—and, uh, when Ellie gets here, I just need you two to swing by the grocery store and get some food.” He smiles thoughtfully.

You hate how this one sentence has your body flooding with anxiety; obviously, you’re aware of how you and Ellie have hung out after the lake house; you just didn’t want to be trapped in a car with her…! You can already picture the awkward silence, both of you getting rather quiet in uncomfortable situations. And your silence leaves your dad confused; he awkwardly clears his throat before speaking up, eyes on you. “Does that work on your schedule?” He jokes, offering a different manner. Thankfully, it does help cloud your worries to a certain extent. 

You just nod, a light laugh leaving your lips. “Yes—yeah, sorry, I was just thinking.” You smile at him before turning around to make your bed. Your best attempt to clean up your room before Ellie gets here. It’s also the moment where your smile instantly fades. 

Your dad has noticed a shift in your behaviour since the two of you came back from Joel's lake house. Probably even before that. 

Sure he was aware of how yours and Ellie’s hangouts suddenly stopped, of course being before your father dragged you to the lake house. It was extremely sudden; like as soon as Ellie left Joel sleeping at your house alone, her truck gone, was the same moment where your demeanour changed. Both of yours for that matter. Because of course he saw how you guys talked again after that lake house, but it wasn’t the same. You were far more distant with each other, Ellie only coming when Joel would be there to hang out with him. And he couldn’t pinpoint why. He just wasn't quite sure why the only person you’ve met since you arrived at his farmhouse is now the one he rarely sees you with. 

It was truly like your mind always has something going on inside of it. Zoning out was now a regular thing with you; every so often, in the middle of a conversation, it’s like the gears inside your brain jammed, like you were experiencing a feeling of mystification. 

But unfortunately, your dad being your dad, he just doesn’t think to mention it. He can only assume you're nervous about leaving your mom to go to college. Dwelling on it. And fuck, how you wish that was all it was.

Roars from outside catch your attention; the distinct sound of a truck pulling up is a telltale sound that Ellie and Joel are here. Your dad faces your back as you make your bed; regardless, he still talks. “Looks like they’re here!” He says feet trailing outside your bedroom. Quickly hearing how the creaks of the floorboards make their way downstairs. 

And as soon as your dad is gone, you shut your door and grab an outfit from your dresser, throwing it on as you try your best to fix your messy hair, hoping it now falls along the lines of being decently presentable. And you’re about to head downstairs, opening your bedroom door in preparation, but you stop. Though you can’t actually understand what they’re saying, there are three voices. Joel's, Ellies. And one extra. I mean, you didn’t think you were going crazy, but you were almost sure you heard an additional voice, a woman’s to be exact. It sounded soft, less raspy if anything, that being a clear distinction that it wasn’t Ellies.

And sure enough, you got further confirmation when you trailed downstairs. A woman was standing right beside Ellie. She seemed maybe a year or two older than you; she had tattoos trailing all over her arms and dark eyes, paired with raven hair. And you stopped to look at her for a few seconds and to say she was pretty; that would be a huge understatement, and without any type of warning, you were now immensely mindful of how you looked.

A wave of self-consciousness passed through you like clockwork.

Ellie's eyes were only on the woman, and you were almost sure she hadn't even seen you walking down the stairs. Not till Joel spoke up, his eyes locked with yours as he stepped forward. “Hey kid!” He smiles and continues softly, his accent thick. “Your dad tells me that you here are picking up a few things from the grocery store!” 

And as Ellie hears Joel talk, she finally pulls her eyes away from the woman, her green irises and soft smile now directed towards you. She awkwardly keeps her hand at her waist and waves at you. 

You feel like you have to force your eyes off of her, trying to give your full attention to Joel as you turn his direction, you give him nod to confirm what he said, of course paired with an awkward smile. 

And as you finish your sentence, you're locking eyes back with Ellie’s green ones. You give her a soft smile, waving your hand back at her. 

You try to ignore how the woman’s eyes haven't left Ellie’s side profile, like she's still trying to pin her attention. Although you feel a pang of uncomfortability hit your chest, you manage to talk, an unfamiliar ache staining the area right after. “Yeah—with Ellie, I think?” 

Ellie nods softly at you. And in what's coming, consistency, she looks right back at the woman. The same girl whose name you don't even know...! “Are you going to come with us? To the grocery store?” 

Fucking Christ. You look at the girl, then right back at Ellie. Who even is this, and why is she even in your dad's house? Why was she in the car with them? There are a thousand questions going through your mind. I mean, you literally saw Ellie less than a week ago; there was never even a mention of this woman? ... I mean, of course she didn’t owe you that; you just assumed she’d tell you. 

And it’s like Joel catches your unease and discomfort because he nudges Ellie lightly, directing his eyes towards your face; this has Ellie's eyes following, of course landing straight on you. She reads your confusion, leading her to quickly clear her throat; she manages to mumble out a shitty introduction. “Shit—sorry, this is Cat!” 

Joel smiles and talks, looking at you, then at your dad. “She’s staying with us for about a week, helping me with tasks around the farm! Right before summer ends!” He looks back and forth between you, Ellie, and Cat. 

The tension in the room eases to a certain extent; I mean that was better than what you were leaning towards. Yet it only further confused you in why she and Ellie seemed so…close? You didn’t really understand why Cat seemed so entrapped by Ellie's mere presence, but you tried to ignore it. It’s not your business. 

Ellie absently leans back and forth on her heels for a solid second; she looks at you and Cat. The silence now stretching for what feels like hours. She clears her throat before speaking. Eyes trailing back to the raven-headed girl, “We can head out now...?” Ellie looks at you. “If that's alright with you guys?”

You just nod and mumble out a quick “Mhm,” your hand moving to pick up your pair of shoes, sliding them on both of your feet. Ellie doesn’t necessarily wait up for you, her feet moving out the door before you even get on your second shoe. And of course neither does Cat.

It’s literally like she's some parasite stuck to Ellie, yet it’s like Ellie enjoys her presence! Like she doesn’t care that some woman is following her around...! 

And now, you’re of course getting the feeling that they don’t want you there.

Cat ended up taking the passenger seat without a second thought, so it left you in the back, alone. 

Now leaving you to watch as they interacted with each other.

Ellie would turn back every so often; she wanted to try and include you in their conversation, but you genuinely didn’t understand half the shit they were talking about. It was all about work, specifically work in the farm department, so for half the car ride you were just sitting there awkwardly! You already weren’t excited to be in a car with Ellie, but now you’re in a car with Ellie and some woman you’ve never fucking communicated with. 

You tried your best to push down your judgment on Cat; as the car ride went on, you figured that she seemed nice enough.?

She made Ellie laugh a lot. 

It reminded you a lot of how the two of you sounded before everything went down, and now you’re wondering if you had never freaked out on her that night, maybe that would be you in the front seat, making her laugh at stupid inside jokes. That feeling of reminiscing almost made this whole situation worse. It made you feel fucking sick to your stomach.

I mean anyone with a pair of eyes could see Ellie was equally as interested in the girl, like she couldn’t get enough of her jokes and conversation; you haven’t seen Ellie like that in a while.

And then the muffled sound of Cat's voice shatters through your train of thought, “So…how old are you?” Cat turns around in the passenger seat, eyes locking with yours. 

You pause, your eyes moving back and forth between her pair... “W-what?” You look at your hands nervously, shifting them back up at her as you finish your sentence. You couldn’t understand why you found this woman so intimidating. Maybe it was the fact she asked you a question as you were staring off into space. 

Or maybe how she’s had Ellie’s attention almost the whole drive...!

Cat just simply chuckles and looks at you, her dark eyes looking at your confused face, “Just asked how old you were?” She looks at Ellie and sorta laughs. Ellie's eyes shift to look at her, eyes crinkling at the corners as she smiles, cheeks noticeably turning pink before her gaze focuses back on the road. 

You look at the two of them and fight the urge to roll your eyes. It’s getting a bit theatrical at this point; no way looking at someone has Ellie's cheeks turning fucking pink. “I’m 18.” You look at Cat, clearing your throat in the process. “You?”

She smiles as she directs her attention back at Ellie. “Shit, Williams, didn’t realize you hung around 18 year olds?” She’s obviously kidding; you’re not stupid; you can tell she’s making a joke, but it was fucking dumb; Ellie was 19 for fuck's sake! “Shut up, man.” Ellie chuckles and looks at Cat for a solid second, eyes swiftly moving back to the road.

Cat talks and smiles, “I’m 21.” She chuckles, replying to your unanswered question. You watch as she looks straight back at Ellie. It’s like they couldn’t pull their eyes away from each other.

And you can’t get over how different Ellie’s acting is, like she’s trying to put on a show for some audience. However, the only audience is some chick. Like she’s throwing on some cool facade? It’s weird to say the least; Ellie never acts like this, at least she never acted like this when she was around you.

It makes you want to leave the car. Getting increasingly uncomfortable in the small atmosphere, you feel like they don’t want you there. Plus, the small comment on your age made you embarrassed. 

You just reply to Cat with a simple nod.

And it’s like your prayers are answered because the car finally parks in front of the store. You immediately unbuckle your seatbelt and open the trunk door to get out. 

And you’re starting to think maybe you were wrong; maybe Ellie was still mad. And sure, she had the right to be? But fuck, you were just in serious need of your friendship going back to normal; you hated being whatever this was. 

The worst sting so far was the fact Ellie didn’t even hesitate to open Cat's door for her, in the meantime practically ignoring you. You observe the two of them for a few seconds, neither of them even paying mind that you were in fact also in the car. 

You awkwardly watch as Cat tilts her head at Ellie, batting her eyelashes at her, as if she is starving for some sort of reaction. And a reaction she gets, because almost instantaneously, Ellie's cheeks stain a light pink. Cats hand now trailing her forearm, of course where her tattoo is. 

You’re grateful for the open surroundings of the parking lot. It genuinely made leaving them and walking straight to the grocery store easy, you having zero intent to wait up for them. 

As you were looking for your items, your head kept glancing at the list your father provided; you tried to distract yourself with literally anything. The sounds, the environment, anything that now surrounds you, and unfortunately nothing fucking worked; it’s like you could get your mind off of stupid Ellie. 

And it was ludicrous, outlandish even. She could even lock eyes with you for more than 30 seconds, yet you’re over here in a grocery store fully ready to cry, a familiar burn in your throat appearing. 

Ellie's soft voice has your train of thought snap, “So? What are we looking for exactly? She asks, green eyes on you as she smiles softly. You look around; you see Cat not too far away; she’s fully distracted talking to a worker; your best guess is her trying to find something.

You stare at Ellie for a few seconds, your hand moving itself as you hand her the list, intentionally trying to avoid making conversation with her. Ellie watches as you conveniently ignore her presence, in the sense that you won’t talk to her. That simple action makes her frown. 

“You alright?” She mumbles, awkwardly clearing her throat as her eyes don’t peel away from your figure. You look back at her, eyes finally locking as you nod. “I’m fine.” You say, your voice strong with the tone of confidence. It’s almost like you’re not only trying to convince Ellie there’s nothing wrong, but also yourself. 

You grab a few items from the list, pulling your eyes away from her, actively trying to distract yourself, way better than focusing on how Ellie’s shoulders deflate, catching the fact that you lied to her face.

Her eyes go soft, nodding softly at your response, hands trailing into her pockets. 

She doesn’t even understand; are you mad at her? Because that’s all she’s thinking, her mind is racing, trying to come up with any explanation as to why you suddenly seem annoyed by her. And just as she was about to talk, completely prepared to ask you once again if you were actually okay, Cat walked over in queue, her hand moving straight to Ellie’s shoulder. “You guys okay?” She asks softly; it seems like a general question directed to the both of you. But you see how her dark eyes trail to only focus on the auburn-haired girl. It’s clear to see Cat doesn’t actually care about what you're currently feeling. Clearly just trying to be polite. 

Ellie looks at you rather than Cat; her eyes are trying their best to read you, and for once she doesn’t care how she has Cat's arms on her. Ellie’s gaze lingers on you for an excessive amount of time; she notices how Cat's arms tighten slightly; however, to Ellie, it feels like nothing else at this moment matters. Her eyes are pleading with you, begging for you to break down this newly built wall. It makes the air feel heavy.

You both feel it...

You pause and clear your throat, picking up one of the final items you need. “I’m fine.” You spit out, your eyes shifting towards Cats; you again have to force yourself to look away from Ellie’s green irises. Because once again you noticed that desperate look in her eyes, trying to understand what she might have done to upset you. 

It never wavers either, even after you left the grocery store, all three of you getting in Ellie’s truck, journeying back to your dad's place. Her newfound concern has your chest tighten. The car ride back has a huge shift, everyone in the car growing more quiet than usual; you avoid talking as best as you can, eyes constantly glancing to your hands. 

It didn’t feel extremely long, the car pulling into the driveway shortly after you zoned out. It felt almost like your body moved itself, unbuckling yourself from the seatbelt, opening the car door to land on the ground, the soft crunch of the gravel falling under each pair of feet. The familiar sight of your dad's home offered some comfort, especially after being in a car with Ellie and Cat for so fucking long.

You were the first to enter your dad's home, creating some much-needed space between the pair. As you drag your feet through the home, you hear the sound of Ellie and Cat talking. You also catch the exhausted sigh Ellie lets out, and as you turn back, you see Cat leaning over into Ellie, brushing over her arm as she mumbles an incoherent sentence. 

You don’t stop to listen; instead, you continue with the grocery bags in your hand, and you try your best to pretend the tightening in your chest doesn’t increase. Instead, distract your mind by joining Joel and your father outside on the porch. 

Your dad quickly notices you walking outside and quickly smiles, stopping his conversation with Joel. “Took you long enough, kid.” He jokes a chuckle leaving his mouth. You see Joel snicker, a beer resting in his hands. You just roll your eyes, talking softly. “Yeah, well next time—“ you push the grocery bags in his chest, “you can get it yourself!” 

Your dad jokingly puts up his hands defensively; you look at him for a few seconds, mouth open, as you are about to talk. Yet the sound of the door sliding open caught your attention, your own eyes now peering behind you.

By the time Ellie and Cat join, you hear their chattering, well…mainly just Cat's! You see Ellie positioned right behind her, her green eyes flickering towards you, now desperately trying to catch her gaze. You notice it, and you ignore it, turning around to look right back at your dad.

Ellie sighs. She stops for a few seconds; it’s hard to understand what the fuck is wrong when you refuse to even talk to her. And in that moment she hesitantly turns towards Cat, her voice soft as she speaks. “Shit—I think I left my keys on the counter. Do you mind?” Ellie says, eyes partially on Cat, and in a swift motion flicking back towards you. 

Cat nods; from your position, you can’t hear what she says, but soon enough the door is sliding open, closing only a few seconds after. 

Ellie lingers at the doorway for a few seconds; she’s currently trying to psych herself up. She didn’t get why she still cared so much about your interpretation of her; you guys are just good friends. She knows that now. And plus, she has Cat, someone who she’s 90% sure likes her. 

Regardless, nerves get the better of her, so she’s currently standing awkwardly with her hands stuffed into her pockets; it probably doesn’t help that her gaze is literally burning into your figure, only making her even more fucking nervous. She clears her throat and murmurs a short “Fuck“ feet now moving towards you, the porch creaking with each step. 

“Hey...!” She taps your shoulder lightly, her voice soft and careful. As you turn around, she watches as your gaze lingers on her face, not uttering a word. And that’s what sends Ellie into a state of panic; it was dramatic, sure, but you being completely silent makes Ellie’s heart increase in pace, that leading her to speak once again. “Are you alright? You just seem— She stops as soon as she sees a long sigh leave your lips, eyes closing as if you are exhausted.

It takes you a few seconds to push some words out of your mouth, and as you do, your voice takes a tired tone. “Why do you keep asking me that, Ellie? I'm fine.” It comes out a tad bit harsher than intended, and you watch as her face shifts, starting to materialize with a sad frown. She just awkwardly clears her throat, her hand coming to rub the back of her neck. “I don’t—I don’t know?” She stutters, her voice wavering; she's starting to wonder why she constantly bothers; it’s so clear you don’t fucking need to be checked up on. She doesn’t understand why she can’t get that easy information through her head. 

“I’m—I’m sorry... but I'm fine?” You look at her, your voice now soft as you softly reassure her, both of you looking into each other's eyes for a few seconds. For those few seconds, it feels like it used to. Ellie’s green eyes shining in the sun. You always liked how they looked, something you've never thought to even tell her, and maybe if it was like it was before, you would tell her.

You notice how her eyes are bouncing back and forth between your pair; she clears her throat out of nervousness, looking down as she says her next sentence. “Like, are you mad at me or something?” She asks, instantly awaiting an answer once it leaves her lips. 

You pause for a few seconds; your initial response is to completely deny it, because truthfully you’re not mad at Ellie…You don’t think you are? And shockingly, a large part of you wants to tell her the truth. But the fact that those words feel like they’re burning in your throat makes you second-guess that decision. In all honesty, it feels like you’ve hardly even accepted it yourself; you are sure you like Ellie, but admitting that out loud—no way...

You’re about to talk, taking a long, deep breath, eyes searching for hers. You want to try your best to lay it all out. Maybe give her a watered-down version of your feelings; that way it may not feel as scary. It’s simple enough to say the night in your bedroom meant something, where you laid your head on her chest, falling asleep in each other's arms. That doesn’t necessarily mean you like her? It just means that maybe that night didn’t need to be deemed as some mistake. 

“Ellie—“ 

As you attempt to speak, the sound of the door sliding catches both of your attention. The dark-eyed girl comes outside, her body moving straight towards Ellie, arm instantly looping around hers. She didn’t even stop to acknowledge the fact that you were just talking, and without a second thought, she spoke. “Couldn’t find your keys on the counter, sorry Els…” 

However, Ellie's gaze never leaves your face, and without delay, Cat notices. She sees how it falls on you, like the auburn-haired girl can’t pull her eyes away from you. And it’s like Cat noticing that; it only made her hold onto Ellie tighter, her hand trailing back and forth on Ellie’s forearm. Like she’s looking for a reaction. And although you feel one, you don’t let it show on your face, leaving it carefully neutral; it wasn’t as hard as you thought to act like you hadn't even noticed.

You see how Cat shifts slightly, a soft smile present on her face; it’s subtle, and it makes you wonder what she’s even trying to convey, and you know that this smile isn’t the result of holding Ellie. You see how she's staring right at you! And it makes you confused, because someone who seemed nice in the beginning is now seeming like a burden to have around, and sure she’s Ellie’s…friend, but it appears like she’s doing it on purpose. Intentionally trying to make you uncomfortable! 

And although it seemed obvious to you, Ellie, on the other hand, is completely oblivious. Or at least she's pretending to be; her eyes are still locked on you with an inexplicable amount of intensity, like she’s still awaiting your answer to her question. You watch as her lips part, as if she’s about to talk. You even believe she might, yet not even a second later her lips close and she turns, her green eyes now looking straight at Cat. “Ahh…okay, I think I may have just misplaced them.” Ellie smiles sweetly, clears her throat, and continues. “Sorry for making you look.”

Cat shakes her head and smiles. “It’s not a problem.”

And that’s how it often went. Two quickly became three. If Ellie was at your dad's place, so was Cat. Like they were connected, interlinked in a way. 

And to say it was awkward, that’d easily be putting it lightly. You felt like an unintentional third wheel constantly...! You watched as Cat made it a point to only talk to Ellie, regardless of whether she was in your space! It was comical really; you could be in your bedroom with the pair, and somehow, the conversation would always revolve completely around Ellie. It was as if you were invisible, or maybe some convenient backdrop to their little inside jokes. 

And as always, that's what was happening tonight. 

You would watch as Cat's eyes would always occasionally flicker towards you, as if she was making sure you were still watching as they bonded together; you’d also watch as they would immediately move back to Ellie, like some magnetic connection. Maybe it was dramatic, but even sitting in your small room, it felt like you were miles apart from them. Like you couldn’t break into their invisible thread that seemed to entrap them. 

And it wasn’t even like you wanted to be the centre of attention. It wasn't even about that…? But it was so hard not to notice how they were always talking, and you were just there; it felt like the hangouts were pointless. It was difficult to act like it wasn’t a big deal. And you knew that they were friends after all. You haven't seen them do anything other than light touches, which were always initiated by Cat. And you knew their closeness was not something to be threatened by; plus, Cat left in a few days anyway, her week with Joel quickly coming to an end. 

But knowing that made you sad, and not because of Cat; you were sad because you knew you were shortly after. After she was gone, you had less than a month to spend at your dad's house, and not dwelling on that became an impossible task. 

“Do you mind grabbing the drinks from Ellie's truck?” Cat says cutting off your train of thought. You stay silent for a few seconds, not only out of habit, but you weren’t even sure if she was talking to you; it takes Ellie’s eyes flicking towards you to understand that it was indeed a question directed at you. Your silence is what makes Cat chuckle, heat rising to your cheeks without missing a second. 

“Right...” you mutter, the words barely escaping your lips as you swing your legs over your bed. Cat is already turning her head, presumably to go straight back to meet Ellie's eyes, ready to spike up more conversation. It makes you sigh softly, your legs feeling heavy as you attempt to start moving forward. All you really want to do is leave your bedroom; being in a space with Ellie and Cat is starting to feel suffocating. The task already felt hard enough; your movements haltered and slow, it only got worse as Ellie stood abruptly, standing in front of you, which ends up blocking your path.

You look at her for a few seconds, your mannerisms expressing your clear confusion. Ellie's eyes are staring intensely at you, every so often looking back and forth between you and Cat, Cat's body still sitting on the floor. Ellie's silence comes to an end as she manages to spit out a stuttered sentence: “N-need a hand?” 

Cat's face immediately drops as Ellie talks, silently trying to express her distaste through her eyes; luckily, it doesn't work. Ellie doesn’t even notice Cat's dark eyes on her; all she can focus on is the girl in front of her, the girl who is you. When Ellie looks at you, she suddenly understands why your opinion of her still mattered so much. It’s hard to lose those feelings immediately, even after how persistent she was to lock them away.

Her gaze makes you nervous, eyes trailing to your bedroom door behind Ellie. You pause for a few seconds before attempting to break past her figure, all while forgetting there was still a girl on your floor, actively watching the both of you. Your voice comes out short as you move hastily, “I—I’m fine, Ellie. Thank you, though.”

Ellie quickly shakes her head, cutting you off as she makes eye contact with you once again. “No, no, I don’t mind. The cases are heavy, so...! She says awkwardly as she opens your bedroom door, and Ellie watches as you walk out of your bedroom door; it was clear that Ellie wasn't taking no for an answer. 

You turn around, watching as Ellie mumbles something to Cat. Cats face expressing nothing but a sour expression, she seems mad at Ellie, or maybe even you. Regardless, it doesn’t take long before Ellie leaves Cat alone in your bedroom; a part of you wants to feel bad, but then again, Cat clearly didn’t when she left you out of conversations. 

Ellie is quiet as she walks down the creaky stairs of your dad's house. Truthfully, both of you were doing your best to keep quiet; maybe it was out of awkwardness. 

She is trailing behind you, keys jiggling as she grabs them out of her pocket. And finally she talks, breaking that wall of tension both of you previously had up. “Cat leaves in 2 days, you know?” Ellie says softly, opening the door as you both trail outside. She unlocks her car, quickly grabbing a case of alcohol that Cat purchased.

“Yeah, but who's counting?” You joke, your eyes locking with Ellie's. Your manner has both of you ease up, stepping into territory that felt like how it was before that night. You watch as Ellie's lips curl into a soft smile, a chuckle leaving her lips as her eyes light up slightly. 

You instantly let out a soft sigh of relief; you weren't sure if she was going to laugh at your words. Both of you have been stale, so that little chuckle felt like endless confirmation that maybe it wasn’t doomed, your friendship that is. 

“I was just lettin’ you know!” She says, pausing as she thinks of her next words carefully. Her own mind drifting away from the woman who is still inside waiting for the both of you to return. “There’s a lake you know...?” A quaver in her voice as if she's nervous. 

You glance at her for a few seconds; you’re curious, maybe even a little intrigued. “A lake?” You dampen, eyebrow raising at her words. “Like…a secret one, or one I just didn’t know about.” The pause between the two of you lingers; it almost feels like Ellie’s opening up again, like the doors you were sure you sealed shut are starting to be pushed open, like those cracks are becoming visible once again. You both feel it. 

“How many lakes do you know about?” Ellie tilts her head, a grin on her face as if she's challenging you. Her words make you laugh as you shrug, your voice coming out light as you stare at each other. “I don't know—just what's so cool about this lake?”

“I don’t know; it’s quiet. Peaceful, if you will?” Ellie talks, a stupid smirk on her face as she says the last four words, eyes flickering down to the case of alcohol, promptly being held up in her two hands. “I mean, it’s a little out of the way…” She continues, eyes moving back to you. “But literally no one ever goes there; we could check it out.” Ellie smiles as she looks at you, nervously rubbing the back of her neck. 

“Okay!”

Three days later you guys do end up going out to that same lake Ellie mentioned. 

You found yourself sitting in Ellie's passenger seat of her truck; you genuinely couldn’t remember the last time it was just the two of you in this car, not being forced upon awkward circumstances. Granted, it wasn’t like it wasn’t awkward; the two of you didn’t really know what to talk about. Even so, the soft hum of the engine and the cracking of the radio filled the unwanted silence, which was nice. 

Cat being gone also felt like a breath of fresh air, the weight lifting off the space of you and Ellie. You really didn't realize how heavy the tension had been until it was gone; she was gone. Cat’s presence did always seem to hover, like she was lingering in a possessive sense. Her gestures always being small yet noticeable. Her hands always finding excuses to be on Ellie's skin, the way she would always inch closer during conversations, she would constantly try to claim attention in ways that made you feel left out, regardless of being the person who had been there first. 

The sound of Ellie's car pulling over to the side caught your attention, quickly snapping you out of your long train of thought. The tires were slowly crunching as they came to a stop; her car was now idling, sitting on a dirt patch beside the water. The lake stretches out before you; it was calm and still, the trees on the far side reflecting on the water. It felt like a place that demanded a slow breath, almost like it could wash away everything if you let it. 

“Well...!” Ellie said as she killed the engine to her truck. She opened the door and hopped out of her truck; the dust below Ellie settled as she swung her legs out, planting them firmly on the ground. You watch as she makes her way to your side of the truck, hand reaching for the door as she opens it for you. That little moment had the air change for you. “This is it!” She almost sounded tentative, but there was a flicker of something else, something you hadn’t heard from Ellie in a while. Hope, maybe? Reminiscences of desire for normalcy, it’s something that has been missing between you two for so long.

“This is it!” You repeat, your eyes locked on her as you step out of her truck. “It’s beautiful.” You say eyes locked on the water as you take it all in. The shine of the stars was clearly reflecting on the water; it was all so pretty. 

Ellie stood next to you for a few seconds, quiet at first as she took in the sight in front of her. Slowly she turns her head, eyes locking with you. “It is, isn’t it?” She smiles, the shine of the moon illuminating her eyes. You watch as her eyes move off of you, missing the moment where your cheeks tint a light shade of pink. You’re almost grateful she missed it. 

Surely she’s doing this on purpose... That’s all you can think, the realization making your head spin. And you really couldn’t help but stare at her for a moment. Caught in the sincerity of her expression. Again, a look you haven’t seen in her in a while.

“So…” Ellie says, breaking the newfound tension, her voice a little louder as she says her next sentence, “Are we going swimming?” She spits out, her eyes fixated on the lake in front of the two of you. Her tone is almost casual, with no teasing edge to it.

“Swimming? Ellie I didn’t- you never even mentioned swimming. You spit out, eyes struck with clear confusion. 

Ellie shrugs, a smile present on her face, specifically forming in the middle of her face, framing at the corner of her mouth. “Um, it’s a lake? I sort of assumed you‘d get the memo." She laughs softly.

You glance from the water to Ellie; you try to process her words. Sure, the offer seems inviting; the lake is calm and clear, but it’s not like you brought a bathing suit, plus the idea of jumping in freezing cold water was unsurprisingly uninviting. 

“Hold on?!” You raise your hand; despite the raised voice, your tone is not serious, a clear smile written all over your face. “You came here to what?- swim? After all that talk about it being peaceful and quiet?” You look at her with an amused expression; you have to force yourself not to laugh at her. “Plus it’s almost midnight, not exactly ‘perfect’ swimming weather.”

Ellie smiles and shakes her head proudly, her legs moving fast as she gets to the edge of the water. “It’s perfect swimming weather if you ask me!” 

“Turn around!” Ellie says hesitantly, her voice strong with undertones of embarrassment. Voice going soft and quiet. Bashful even.

“Why?” You ask, your voice instantly betraying your confusion. 

Ellie’s gaze flickers to the side, avoiding yours for a moment, before she groans in frustration. “Just! Turn around!” 

Your movements grow slow as you process her words, still not entirely sure as to what she's up to. Your eyes flicker to Ellie as she shifts her weight from one foot to another, clearly anxious. Those mannerisms make you fold, so you listen, turning around slowly. 

After a few moments you hear the sound of fabric rustling, followed by the sound of a heavy drop hitting the ground. And suddenly you feel frozen. 

Your heart genuinely feels like it stops for a few moments, completely caught off guard. Your brain is trying to process the fact that Ellie seems to be getting out of her clothes right behind you. 

You hear the soft sound of splashes not coming too long after her clothes hitting the ground, and finally Ellie speaks once again. “Alright! Turn around!” Her voice is also a little shaky, leading you to take it as she’s nervous too; that factor makes you feel better. A breath of relief leaving your system.

You try to steady yourself, now breathing slowly, as you move your body at sloth speed to turn around and see Ellie. 

You’re silently thanking the fact it’s night, the dark sky acting as a blanket over everything, the stars twinkling above, making you feel like they’re also watching this scene unfold. Soon enough you see Ellie swim closer into shore. “Okay, your turn!” Ellie shouts, looking at you, her sentence leaving you awkwardly standing. “What?!” You laugh out, No way. No way you're doing all this shit in front of Ellie. 

“The water feels amazing!” She yells out, splashing around with her arms as if she’s trying to prove her point. At the same time trying to calm her own nerves!

You stare at her for a few seconds. “You’re insane.” You laugh softly, your heart rate now starting to calm down. The idea of being in front of Ellie with nothing but underwear and a bra seems terrible, far too vulnerable. 

Ellie thinks for a few seconds, going quiet. “Look!” Ellie shouts, her figure now standing up in the water. You watch as she visibly turns around, as if she’s trying not to make this feel as weird as it does. And you do hesitate, eyes moving to the water below then to the starry night. 

“It’s nice in the water, I promise!” Ellie says softly, a smile evident in her tone. 

You look at her figure from behind, your heart picking back up again as you move your hands to the hem of your shirt. Hands moving above your head as you strip yourself of your t-shirt. The cool air hits your skin, and you feel the need to put back on your shirt, but you don't; you suck it up.

Your hands then move to your shorts, fingers accidentally fumbling with the buttons. The silence between you two is deafening, both under a silent understanding that maybe this moment deserves quietness. And in all honesty, when Ellie heard your clothes falling behind her, her thoughts ended up freezing anyway!

Not too long after ranting about how going in the water was insane, you're now just in your bra and underwear, hesitantly moving to the edge of the shore as you let your legs get covered with the cool water. It is cold but refreshing. 

“Can I turn around now?” Ellie questions, her voice soft as she breaks through the water's gentle movement. It’s softer than before, almost hesitant. The sound of Ellie's small movements almost sounds as loud as your heartbeat, which is saying a lot. 

“Mhm.” You mumble out, body still adjusting to the cool water. It’s up to your chest now, the lake pulling you deeper with each step. Yet it’s not just the water pulling you closer; maybe it’s something else. Like the way Ellie's voice sounds, a little more open, vulnerable, something you again haven't heard in so long before this night. Maybe it’s the fact that you’re both finally here, now in the same space together, the quiet acknowledgment that in this moment, you are both standing on the same ground. 

You glance over at her and really see her, in one of her most vulnerable forms, the same way she’s currently seeing you. The moon reflecting on both of your wet skin. You see as Ellie's eyes are fixated on you, the same amount of intensity yours are holding. There are no walls, no playful manner; it’s just really the two of you, laid out on a hypothetical table for each other to see. It makes your breath hitch.

You don’t even realize it immediately, but the initial space the two of you had eventually started to fade. The steady rhythm of your breathing, everything is unspoken yet clear; you both have crossed the line. 

And maybe it’s the lack of words that's encouraged Ellie to make her next move; there's a clear absence in her thought process, but can you blame her? The way you were looking at her, eyes locked on each other. It all came together to make her incredibly delirious. 

Her body shifts with a small wave of a movement. Her gaze never leaving yours, both of your eyes locked together. It almost seems like she's waiting for something, waiting for you. It’s silent, yet you both know what is playing out, and suddenly kissing a girl doesn’t seem as scary as before.

Ellie doesn’t even wait for permission; she doesn't have to. Her hand reaches out to touch your cheek, the other hand moving to graze your arm. You feel her calloused fingers. Her touch is light but unmistakably deliberate. She doesn’t pull away, and neither do you. It’s a simple connection but electric. 

And without thinking too deeply into it, Ellie closes the gap.

A/N -> after MONTHS part 3 is finally out!!!

I am SO sorry for everyone who I kept waiting, i’ve been on the other side of this and I completely understand how annoying it is to wait for someone to continue their series!

I swear life just got insane and I’ve been so so so busy, not the mention the crazy writes block I was going through!

I will make sure the next part doesn’t take as long as this one, yet i’m not sure how quick i’ll be getting it out.

( I have school, work, and sooo much more so I apologize in advance! )

Ily you all soooo much and thank you for understanding!

(likes and reblogs are always appreciated)

Does anyone actually still want summer blossoms part 3?

I literally disappeared off this app, so i’m really not sure if people are still interested in that series.

Hellooo!! I’m doing well, tysm for asking 🫶🏽

I’ve just honestly been so so busy, so that’s why i’ve not been active on here. I have work, and plans so basically no time for writing

(But I do plan to start posting again soon enough. I’m just suffering from insane writers block 😭)

DEFINITELY OUTLAWED ROMANCE

I feel like out of all the things i’ve written on here that one has to be my favourite. (but then again i could be bias since i loveee the forbidden love troupe 🫡)

honestly i’ve been debating making a another part which would be like a different universe (obviously after summer blossom is completed) but tbf im not sure if I should just leave it on the sad ending, considering it’s also meant to be a one shot.

PT2 - Wilted Covers

masterslist

PART 1 // PART 3 // PART 4

Falling in love is hard. Worse when you know it can’t happen.

Summery - Yours and Ellie’s big fight has you both racking over what happened that night, and as of now you’re both falling apart, you feel as trying to fix it may be out of the picture..

Warnings -> Homophobia / Starts off in Ellie’s POV / Angst / Mean!Ellie 😬 / Implied Jealous!Ellie / Reader flirts with a guy but it’s short / Reader is convinced she’s straight 😭 / Guy flirts with reader / People are so mean to Ellie / Panic attack ☹️ / Angst / They’re both semi convinced it’s all platonic idk. / Denying of feelings / Internalized homophobia / Eventual smut / (Lmk if I missed anything else!!)

WC: 8k

(Not proofread!)

Ellie was lost at what exactly happened that morning..that night?...

She was laying on her bed looking up at her ceiling, the distance sound of her record player in the back making some ambience so it’s not just her thoughts.

The silence would have killed her and the music seemed like a solid distraction.

Perfect in between..

The thing Ellie was racking over was that she didn’t understand how you guys could go from literal cuddling, your lips on her skin, to you yelling at her to get out?...

She was trying to understand if maybe she possibly read too far into that night, like if she crossed the line, and maybe interrupted something wrong, she just didn’t get it. How the short nod of your head meant nothing. Of course being in response of Ellie’s words which were “You okay.”

She was trying to really lay it out, picture it, trying to fully fucking understand if she did something wrong. If she pushed you too far or even made you uncomfortable? She thought of it all. You just seemed so normal, then it all came crashing down

She hated the look she saw in your eyes, it reminded her of Emma, when she only had the face of disgust. She wanted to believe that since she saw that look once it wouldn’t hurt as much, but that was quickly proven wrong.

The way you looked at her made her feel sick, like she was some sort of monster. And the more she’s told it, the more people tell her those exact words, it’s starting to feel that way.

But then again, to be fair yours was a little different. It had the outside layers of disgust, but when looking further into it, Ellie felt like maybe you had some hidden emotions. Ones she couldn’t even read.

And unsurprisingly she was dwelling on it, it’s all she could think about. And she hated herself for it. Because why did she care what you thought when you could barely look at her.

Hardly acknowledged the fact that she too, had feelings?

“Kiddo!” Joel’s voice echoed from downstairs, having Ellie thoughts finally stop once she heard another voice pop out. “Come out of your room!” He says once again, his voice was a bit stern like there was not a lot of room for discussion.

Ellie was the first person Joel told, mainly because he was pushing after he woke up alone in your father’s house and saw the bruised up state Ellie was in..

Her appearance being left at the hands of Jack.

Ellie really didn’t wanna tell him, she felt she was now to grown to fall victim and tell Joel what happened. But that went out the window immediately once he asked if something had happened between you two, Ellie instantly felt an uncomfortable lump in her throat, pushing her to talk about it. Talk about what happened. Even though she really didn’t want to.

It was like word vomit, and once she started she couldn’t stop.

So Joel was very aware of why Ellie was turning quite frankly nocturnal, and he was truly trying his best to push her outside. Even to bring her down to your house, thinking that talking things out would help.

Which Ellie could only let out a bitter laugh, because he didn’t see your face.

“I don’t feel good” Ellie groans pushing further back on her bed using the palms of her hands. Weary of the fact Joel will probably enter her bedroom soon enough. “My nose still hurts” She sighs, and really that part wasn’t a lie, they got her nose checked out the day after she left your house, and it was indeed broken.

That part was barely a shock. Her nose was swollen and an idiot could figure out with a simple glance it was definitely broken.

And Ellie being weary of the fact he’ll probably open her door was being right cautious because that he does, the door opens not too long after she finished her sentence. The old man entering her bedroom with boots that hit each wood slab making creeks all over the floor. “Come on kid.” He says before stopping the record player and opening up the blinds. Letting the sun shine into her bedroom.

Ellie finally sits up and shaking her head “No. I’m not in the mood today.” She says harshly looking at Joel, his eyebrows furrow.

He’s prepared to tell Ellie off, tell her how it’s not fair to get mad at him, being prissy or whatever. But then again Joel knows it’s now the second time a friend has freaked out on her, yet this one she does like, and has developed actually romantic feelings.

“Listen kiddo..” He takes a pause, to sigh of course, trying to think about what to say to his daughter. He knows Ellie’s not all great with the feeling thing. And in all fairness, neither is he? Seems like that passed onto her. “I get you like her-“

Ellie was extremely quick to cut him off, deny any feelings she may have for you, reason being because it sounded to fucking real. Admitting it out loud, saying that she felt something when you rested your head on her, lips touching her skin. She wasn’t ready for that. So she shakes her head fast. “I don’t like her-“ Ellie says quickly, worrying that if she says those words slowly then he’ll be able to realize she’s lacking truth and confidence aspect.

Joel sighs. “Why are you sulking then?” He questions looking her up and down. And it’s true, she hasn’t left her room since the matter happened, skipping on meals. It’s not like usual Ellie. Not to mention she was crying while explaining what happened. Hiccuping over every other word, the sight was rough to say the least.

“Because I don’t fucking feel good!” She groans defensively. Her voice is venomous, trying to cover up that she was indeed hurting.

He sighs and sits on her bed. Joel knows Ellie, and knows that he doesn’t want her to fall down the same whole Emma left her in, she was rough after that, and it was clear you hurt his daughter. But Joel’s also been on this planet long enough to know most drunk words, or even mistakes, can in fact be sober thoughts.

And he’s seen the way you’ve looked at each other, it didn’t just seem “friendly”..

“Why don’t we invite them to the lake house, at least for the first day?” He suggest. Maybe going over the cracked concrete which was formed can be fixed with some layers. And if you guys talk it out, that’s one layer right there.

“No?” Ellie laughs and stands up, prepared to literally leave her own room just to escape this situation. She doesn’t want to talk about it, much less with Joel.

He shrugs and sighs. “Shame” He pauses and clears his throat, Ellie’s just looking at him with confusion, unsure of what his next words will be. “Because the night you left I already mentioned it to her father. So?”

Ellie freezes and looks at him, she not sure what to do, the easiest thing would be to not go, but the lake house is one of the biggest breaks during her whole fucking summer. It’s filled with no responsibility or work and it gives her much needed time to relax.

But if you’re there, what is she gonna do. She’s not in favour of seeing you again, and in all honestly she wanted to take the route of just ignoring you for the rest of summer, wait out the last month till you’re gone again.

But at the lake house, that’ll be impossible. It’s small enough with her and Joel, she can’t just avoid you?

“What the fuck? Why!” Ellie yells right at him. Regretting her word choice once she sees Joel frown, he seems genuinely hurt at her words. Clearly not taking it as a stupid outburst.

“Come or don’t Ellie. I’m not sittin’ here and havin’ you be mean..just tryna help you kid..” Joel says before standing up and leaving her bedroom. before Ellie could say anything. Which ends up leaving Ellie with more guilt.

She’s again left with her thoughts, the distance remedy of her record player now gone making it so, so, quiet.

She honestly didn’t know what to do. Ellie didn’t want to see you, she felt extremely embarrassed of how things played out that morning. Especially since she barely said anything back, other than a few sentences that she later cringed at.

Besides the point she practically just took it, the yelling, you diminishing all her self proclaimed stealth esteem. Again, she was embarrassed.

Ellie runs her hand through her hair sighing deeply. She doesn’t want to go, she knows how you feel about her now, and it’s clear that you have no actual feelings for her, yet then again Ellie’s still trying to convince herself it doesn’t matter. You two are friends. Possibly? She hardly even knows if that’s still a possibility.

What’s convenient for you is that Ellie’s also extremely unaware of how that whole incident in your house is taking a bit fucking tool on you.

After Ellie left that morning you didn’t know what to do, you were so..harsh? And you didn’t even know why.

You’ve never been a stereotypical mean person, sure you’ve had your moments with friends back home, but they were never serious, not serious enough to the point where you wouldn’t talk to them for a long period of time. Yet with Ellie it was so unwarranted, like you didn’t want her to see you behind any layers. Despite laying your head on her, whispering to her that you were indeed okay with what was playing out.

You knew you weren’t like that…you didn’t- you don’t feel things for girls.

But you came so hostile the next morning with Ellie, defensive even.

Once Ellie left you felt confided into your bedroom, you didn’t really have anyone else to talk to other than her.

You were offered the news that Joel invited you and your father down to a lake house for a few days, and your father was very quick to mention the fact you didn’t exactly have a choice for if you were coming or not.

Your father was worried that you might bring boys or something over, throw parties. The normal stuff parents worry about.

But truthfully all you could think about was Ellie..not having anyone or anything else prioritizing your mind.

He’s picked up fast that Ellie and you haven’t been enjoying your regular hang outs, late night drives in her truck, sleepovers in your bedroom, you going to Joel’s, that was all fading. Your dad even took record that when Joel would stop by she wouldn’t be with him. He was watching as all of those things that seemed so regular were slowly becoming absent.

It was like Ellie was not even in the picture, but being your father, and not being great with feelings he didn’t want to question it. He knew girls have their little feelings, and fights, he really just didn’t want to interfere with whatever was playing out. So he left it.

And once you had full knowledge you didn’t have a choice, and you 100% had to go to the lake house you were so fucking nervous. Nervous about seeing Ellie again, talking to her, everything.

You didn’t want to see Ellie and have it be weird, but you knew it would be. Especially after you exploded at her, the look on her face was something you probably weren’t going to forget. It was filled with hurt, confusion. And even want.

It looked like she wanted to be wanted by you.

But you didn’t provide that, you couldn’t provide that? You just yelled at her to leave your house after she took a right hook to the face, which wouldn’t happen if you weren’t in the picture.

All you knew for sure is that you fucked up.

The worst part is, you weren’t even sure if you could fix it. You’ve signal handily dug a knife into Ellie’s chest!

“Ellie grab the last bag kid!” Joel yells from inside the tiny home. Ellie just mumbles something too incoherent for him to understand. She didn’t fully understand why she did come, it felt subconscious in a way. Like missing out on something because of you just meant you won. Especially after what you put her through, she didn’t want that message to be relayed to you.

“When are they comin’?” Ellie says with a loud exasperated sigh, far too dramatic for her question.

“Are you gonna pout the whole trip” Joel says sighing dramatically, almost to mock her. “Shut up!” Ellie sorta chuckles and hits his shoulder lightly. A mini “Fuck off” in her mind.

She knew she was being a tiny bit dramatic, but it was justifiable after what you did?

Ellie’s arms grab onto the last bag before lunging the bag into the main room. Quickly sitting down on the couch, shoes kicking up on the stone coffee table. Her eyes watch intently as Joel lightly taps his foot against the wood, clearly thinking about something.

“Sleeping arrangements?” He questions before looking at Ellie, continuing his sentence. “We got three bedrooms- one for me, her father, and you know-“ He pauses momentarily, trying to think of the right words before turning his attention to look back at Ellie. “All i’m saying is that…i’m guessing your not to fond of sharin’ a bed? Seeing as what happened last time.” Joel hums out the last part, he wasn’t doing it to be malicious, when he said it, it was a genuine regard.

But then again he’s definitely trying to act like those words weren’t a big deal. They still had Ellie’s cheeks take on a pink tint.

She not stupid and gets what he meant when he referred to “last time” she lied in bed with you, sleepily rubbing her thumb against your exposed hip wasn’t something she wanted to repeat. The embarrassment was the worst part of it.

“What- no, I’ll just take the couch.” Ellie says before all her attention is turned to the door, the creek of it opening slowly drawing her attention, eyes glued to watch the two figures that step inside the doorway.

As soon as you make it inside the house your eyes are right on the green ones. Ellie’s eyes straight back on you, scared to look away.

But she does, because they’re quickly peeled from you first, embarrassed that you weren’t in the door for more than 10 seconds before she was looking. Ellie was trying not to stare at you, especially when she doesn’t even know if you two are considered friends anymore.

The shitty part for her is that she wanted to look at you, because like always, you’re always the one that draws her eyes. Attention unable to focus on anything else, she hated that. And she wanted to somehow convince herself you don’t even matter anymore..because it seemed like she didn’t matter to you? So why would she give you attention you didn’t deserve.

“Hey!” Joel smiles grabbing your father by the shoulder, other arm hitting his back. It unfortunately left more time to dawn on the fact you and Ellie haven’t talked since you walked through that door. “Drive down here alright?” Joel questions.

“Oh yeah?” Your dad smiles pulling back and dropping the both your bags around the front door. “How have you been hiding this from be Miller?” Your dad chuckles and walks forward getting a better view of the place.

Your eyes are STICKING to the ground, physically unable to peel them away. You didn’t want to look up and see Ellie looking at you. Or see she isn’t even paying any attention towards you, which in some weird way would be worse?

“Hiding, that’s crazy talk!” Joel laughs pulling your dad into the kitchen. “Come let me show you the kitchen.” Joel’s little laugh disappearing into the kitchen.

Your immediate guess is that they’re both getting a drink, nice way to start off the day. And you can’t help but wish you could be in there always taking a shot.

But no, because unfortunately for you it creates a shitty situation that left you and Ellie alone in the living room, the sound of both your dads talking in the separate room making some background noise.

You’re not sure if you should talk, or let the silence just sit. But your voice just pushed out, making it feel like you had almost no control. “Hey..” You sigh looking up at her eyes, which are still resting on your face. “How’s your nose?” You ask genuinely, quickly taking notice in the bandages that rest on it.

Ellie’s eyes flash with something you can’t exactly recognize, reason being because it changes in the matter of a few seconds, now representing anger. “Don’t fucking say ‘Hey’ to me man” Ellie scoffs and stands up. It was harsh, and it sure as hell came out as that. “Just fuck off.” Ellie says.

It was clear then, things 100% were not going back to how they were before, Ellie seems so angry at you, and you know it’s your fault..but unsurprisingly you don’t know how to fix it..

Ellie stands up trailing right into the kitchen, she cringed at her own fucking words, she’s never that mean. But they slipped out, fully accidental. Maybe it would give you the sign that she didn’t feel like talking. That’s what she’s convincing herself at least.

Because Ellie’s a fond believer that not talking about it will somehow resolve what’s going on with you two, she just doesn’t want to have a weird heart to heart conversation, she herself isn’t ready for.

Ellie hears the last bit of Joel’s sentence once she enters the kitchen. “Oh yeah, Ellie can take her down to it-“ Joel stops once he’s met with the face of his daughter. A frown portraying her lips as she hears her name.

Joel wasn’t trying to play cupid. He just knows that his daughter has lacked friends for way too long, and he knows high school was insanely rough for her. Ellie’s only 19 and she’s gone through the loss of so many friends, he was so happy to see that she was bonding with you. Seeing his daughters bright smile, that actually seemed real was a feeling he didn’t want to pass up.

And plus, Ellie has a habit of not seeing things through, when it gets too much she pulls back. So when your father talked people going down to the lake and having a bonfire, Joel confirmed and offered Ellie to take you.

Ellie just wasn’t aware about all that…yet!

You don’t walk in to long after her, once Ellie left you in a silent room you quickly got uncomfortable standing in a place which wasn’t even yours? So you trailed right after her figure, following so now everyone’s in the kitchen.

“Huh?” You ask also hearing the ‘Ellie can take her’ causing more anxiety.

“Joel was just tellin’ me that some folks go down by the lake for a bonfire” He smiles looking at you. Your dad sees as no smile, or even happy emotions appear so he adds on a little “People your age!” He smiles and looks at both you and Ellie. His little add on did nothing, because he watched how neither one of your faces contorted into something that seemed joyful.

“What the fuck?” Ellie says a bit too loud, Everyone’s attention being turned to face her. Regardless of those words being directed at Joel.

Ellie was mad because Joel knew what the fuck happened, she thought it was clear that she was done with you. And vice versa. Yet he’s here saying that it’ll be a “fun” idea for the both you to go down to the lake.

“Ellie watch your languag-“ Joel starts before you voice shines through. “No seriously it’s okay- we don’t gotta go..” You say looking at the auburn hair girl.

Ellie’s eyes are steered far away from yours, not wanting to see you talk to her. Knowing that she’ll probably fold eventually.

Joel shakes his head as soon as you say those words. “No-no, trust me, this kid will stay in all night. Plus you don’t want to be around two drunk old men?” He chuckles looking at the two of you. “Do ya?” He continues, smiling. Joel’s hand on your dad’s shoulder as they down drinks.

He was right, you didn’t want to be around two drunk middle aged men, but you didn’t want to be stuck with Ellie, not after everything that happened, she obviously fucking hates you now? You’ve dug this hole far too deep.

But you knew Joel, nor your dad would stop the pushing.

And if you did stay you’d have to deal with their annoying behaviour.

So you just look down and nod, turning your gaze to see Ellie, she looks just as defeated as you.

So soon enough there’s a sigh falling from both your lips.

You didn’t really have a choice..

You and Ellie headed out as soon as the sun was down, and since it was still summer it did take a bit.

So now it was late at night, and the sounds distant sound of birds chirping and crickets ringing made just a bit of noise for the silence to be to obvious.

On the bright side walk was short. You and Ellie walked beside each other but it was odd. Because she didn’t talk and neither did you, both unsure at how you’ll continue after this point. And to be completely honest, you’re not really looking for Ellie to swear at you once again. It was starting to get old real quick.

It felt so weird hearing her be cold towards you. Considering the only Ellie you knew was the sweet one. The one who opened your door for you, laid on your bedroom floor watching on your shoulder as you read. That Ellie. And even though you had no say, and it was honestly selfish after what you did, you did miss that version of her.

It just felt like a whole personally swap.

This Ellie is so distance, and now that you’re both forced in a close proximity it honestly doesn’t make it better. So you just decided to force words out of your throat.

“You mad at me?” You question turning to look at her, her hands are stuffed in her jean pockets, eyes glued to the rocky ground as her legs drag, a causing the rocks to be kicked forward, you can’t even read Ellie’s features because she has a baseball cap covering them.

All Ellie does is hum out a “No.” Trying to avoid more conflict. She didn’t even enjoy being a dick to you, she just assumed you’d stop pushing by now, she even thought being this mean might feel good? To get out some pent up resentment she’s built up since that morning.

“Okay…” You look down following her trail. Trying to find your voice once again. “Ellie I wasn’t trying to lead you on..?” You spit out.

You didn’t actually know if Ellie was like that..you never had confirmation. It’s just that night so much shit went down, the insults from Jack, and the other people that attended the party. There was an undoubtable pattern, and that’s not even mentioning the morning after.

You literally agreeing with Jacks words, earning the reaction it got from Ellie. It seemed almost clear that all the stuff you heard was probably true. But you didn’t want to find out if she was like that, that would change so much? Too much.

So you saying you weren’t trying to lead her on feels like a cover. A partial apology for cuddling with her all night and giving signs that you guys weren’t just platonic friends. Like you had some weird crush on her, it just made everything so messy.

Your words only gets Ellie to chuckle. “You think so highly of yourself- it’s fucking exhausting” Ellie scoffs out before walking down finally reaching the starting bonfire. The crowds of people growing. Either way you’re still right beside her, searching for her eyes that refuse to meet yours.

Mainly because what she said next, she knew that if you saw her eyes you’d see through it.

“I didn’t- I don’t fucking like you. I haven’t fucking liked you” Ellie spits out looking straight at you. Her words always choosing to fail her.

Her words leave you shocked. Pink growing on your cheeks, embarrassed, maybe even ashamed. You just felt fucking stupid.

Even though you couldn’t see Ellie’s eyes straight on you noticed a burn in despite them portraying a forest green, there was burning the more she thought about you, thought about what happened, it made her mad.

But in Ellie’s mind it was a constant back in forth of how stupid she must have been, to think that maybe you felt something. It’s not like she was mad at you.

She was mad at herself for believing that maybe you did feel something. Something for her.

Once you’ve made actually made it down the mini hill entirely you’re met with a bunch of people, they seemed around your age, just like your dad mentioned. They already seemed to have heavy amounts of liquor in their system.

Ellie seemed to discard away from you as soon as you both made it down the hill. So you’re alone, with a shit tom of people you don’t even know?

You didn’t have a plan to drink tonight, you honestly didn’t know what to do, Ellie seems to hate you. You don’t particularly have anyone else, and theres a looming coldness is travelling through your body. You just didn’t know what the fuck do anymore.

“Hey there!” A guy yells from the bonfire, his figure now moving closer towards you.

He brings his finger up to point at you, his brown eyes studying your features “You know what? I haven’t seen you at a bonfire before? You new?” He questions looking you up in down, fully taking in your appearance.

You are nodding your head like an idiot, cheeks turning a light pink out of embarrassment. “Uh..yeah!” You pause for a few seconds getting a good look around before you spot Ellie, she’s sitting a couple feet away from the bonfire, just watching the fire rather than paying attention to the drunk teens and early 20 year olds that surround the place. “I’m with her-“ You say moving your hand to point towards Ellie’s figure.

He nods slowly, looking at Ellie then back at you. “Shit Williams?” He sorta chuckles, his tone implying that he knew something, you just weren’t sure what. “She’s a bit strange, no?” He questions tilting his head, brown eyes meeting yours.

But before you could even answer he talks once more, finally confirming what you only knew as a speculation. “Everyone knows she’s like some lesbo? I mean it’s truly no secret. She waltz around dressed like a fucking man?” He laughs softly excepting a laugh from you to arise, but when it doesn’t he then looks at you, a slight tint of nervousness. “You two aren’t dating right?” He takes a cautious step back from you.

You felt yourself tense up at the guys words, because hearing it first hand, having someone purposefully tell you, almost warn you? It felt weird. You weren’t even sure what to reply with. Then remembering you blanked on the question at hand. Were you and Ellie a fucking thing?

“No!” You spit out, it sounded so defensive, like you would hate for someone to even question that. To loop you and Ellie together, picturing you as some sort of couple.

“No..gross” You say tilting your gaze down, embarrassed at how you could say that, especially to the girl you’ve just spent the whole first half of summer with. The girl who you still much rather be around as of now.

A smile appears on his face, taking the confirmation that you and Ellie were nothing that fell along the lines of a couple. He quickly extends his hand towards you. “I’m Liam” He smiles looking at you waiting for your hand to reach his, ready to hear your name in return.

And that’s what you did, you told Liam your name shaking his hand lightly. His gaze didn’t leave yours once. He was a little taller than you, he had blonde hair and brown eyes.

“Wanna get a drink?” He ask moving his body closer towards you. Hand snaking to your shoulder.

You nod, words unable to leave your mouth. You honestly don’t even know what’s wrong with you, you don’t want to be with Liam right now, but it’s not like you can just leave..

You don’t even know what you’re doing, you want to be with Ellie, but you don’t want to be perceived as her girlfriend or something.

You didn’t understand what to do.

————

You drank, and drank, and drank. Drowning whatever feelings you were having with the burn of alcohol dripping down your throat. It was shot after shot, and drink after drink.

You didn’t even know where Ellie was anymore.

All you had next to your side was Liam, his uncomfortable grip on your waist making sure neither of you can get away from each other.

His brown eyes never peeling from yours as he talked about his boring interest, you’d swear if he wasn’t so focused on himself he would noticed the fact you stopped caring a long time ago.

The worst part about it is that Liam was clearly flirting with you the whole night, and unfortunately so were you.

Despite not wanting to.

You played into his game, distracting yourself from the girl you’re undoubtedly missing right now. And the fact it got easier the more you drank made this whole situation a bit more risky. Because if drinking is the only way to get your mind off Ellie, you didn’t know what to do.

Your whole life felt like it was switching, turning over and you had no control? You didn’t even know if you liked girls..liked Ellie? It made no sense.

You were never the boy crazy type while compared to your friends back home, but you were never “girl crazy”. And truthfully besides Ellie you couldn’t recall a time where a friendship seemed like it was leaning into more. It made this whole process that much worse.

You didn’t want to like Ellie, you didn’t even think you liked Ellie! All you knew was that you would rather be with her, have her talk to you, hear her voice.

Just- shit that friends would do. Thats all you wanted to be with her.

Friends!

The more Liam leaned into you, the more he flirted and you flirted back you couldn’t take it. It felt like walls were closing in on you and you had zero control over them.

Liam’s hand reaches that little sliver between your shorts and t shirt, touching the exposed skin. “My cabins like a two minute walk. You wanna go.” He ask pulling back to look at you.

Finally you catch sights of eyes on you, green ones.

Her gaze is focused on Liam’s hand, not realizing your watching yet, you noticed how Ellie’s teeth is tugged in her bottom lip. Watching this weird moment with Liam as it plays out.

Even though you didn’t really notice it Ellie was paying attention to you almost the whole night.

Ellie tried to convince herself this whole thing with you would blow over. Like she’d be able to forget about you so fucking easily, but she was so quickly proven wrong. Because it never took long for her thoughts to dawn on the night in your bedroom.

Or the way you held her face with care when her nose was bleeding..she felt like she couldn’t forget about that. And she hated herself for that reason.

She watched Liam approach you early into that night, Ellie knew that Liam is one of Jacks close friends so she obviously wasn’t too fond of him. She saw the way he wrapped his arms around you, and the way you complied, the way he would lean into you the more drunk the both of you got, how you would laugh at something he said.

It made it worse that Ellie knew one thousand percent it was probably something stupid, but guys like Liam and Jack have some charm on girls she can’t seem to understand.

she hated it. Hated how Liam was gaining your attention, taking up every single minute your down by the bonfire. It’s selfish because Ellie knows, say she had the chance to talk to you tonight she’d most likely avoid it. And not to mention Ellie’s convinced you hate her.

And for that reason she felt like she didn’t exactly have a say.

All she knew is that you were extremely drunk, it was late and you guys definitely had to be home soon enough.

At least that was her excuse for what she was about to do.

Because in no time Ellie’s sticking her drink somewhere in the sand so it stands up, her feet are dragging themselves and she’s travelling right over to you and Liam.

You saw Ellie walking over and her eyes didn’t leave Liam’s face. Not even once. You prayers were answered, someone was interrupting, even if that person was Ellie so be it.

She was so focused on the brown eyed guy that had his arm looped right around you the whole night, pulling you closer and closer into him. Ellie just now she feels like whatever she’s doing is justified to get Liam away from you.

“We gotta leave.” Ellie faces you. Hoping that you’ll just follow along, try to ignore the fact she was being such a fucking dick to you the whole night.

Liam leans into you a bit, his grip on your waist tightening a little, he tilts his head and looks at Ellie, observing her appearance from the shoes all the way to her head. He just lets out a dry chuckle. There was nothing funny, he was just being a dick.

“How’s the nose Ellie?” Liam questions with a smug smirk, Liam was just like Jack, one of the popular boys who peaked in high school. And even though that’s the case, they still torment Ellie like they did in high school. Laughing at her like she’s some circus freak.

He then looks at you and smiles. “She’s such a fucking loser.” He says with no hesitation, the way it slipped off his tongue with ease made it so fucking clear this isn’t the first time he’s said these things to her, it made you feel sick.

You don’t react to what Liam said, you just look at over towards Ellie, you see as her eyes shift back and forth from you and Liam then down to the ground. A genuine frown appears on her lips.

You wanted to understand how you could go from spending every moment of summer together to whatever the fuck this was. Watching someone belittle her with ease as you sit on the sidelines.

Ellie’s always tried to trick herself into believing the stuff people said really didn’t bother her, trying to laugh it off, or try not to take it serious since they were just stupid comments from people who clearly weren’t mature, but there was something about having multiple people degrading you constantly for the simple fact of being yourself.

That constant feeling of rejection starts to build up over time, and even though she didn’t show it, it did hurt…A lot.

Ellie starts to realize maybe there’s no point, she’s over this whole situation, the conversation, the fact that you didn’t even think to defend her. You just watched, so Ellie steps back. She’s gotta go home. With or without you..

Your eyes are peeling towards Ellie and the fact she’s now backing away, you look at Liam then back at her. Liam still has some triumph smile on his face, expressing that he “won” or something.

“I’m gonna go..” You sigh out and tilt your head and give Liam a polite smile. “Thank you for tonight.” You add on, trying to be nice, regardless of the way he talked about Ellie, and the way he talked to her. Telling her awful shit even to her face?

You then look at Ellie, her eyebrows are still furrowed and she’s not even looking at you, it seems like she didn’t even pick up what you said because there was no distinct reaction. She’s just looking down lost in thought.

You tap her shoulder trying to snap her out of this weird state she’s in, it works, Ellies eyes turn to yours, they’re glazed over and her eyebrows are still furrowed. “Let’s go..?” You question looking at Ellie.

She doesn’t respond, Ellie just starts to walk up the tiny hill leading away from the bonfire and the people. Ellie’s not talking, not looking at you, she seems so out of it, like nothing that’s happening right now is even processing to her. She even started walking without waiting for you. This seems so much more than the usual spite she seemed to have for you. Because you can tell that’s she’s just expressing hurt. Not even anger.

“Ellie just wait up..!” You say trying to catch up to her, her legs still moving fast enough to the point where she’s speed walking. “I’m sorry about Liam- he’s such a- a prick.” You sigh out looking at her. It seems like the first actual full sentence you’ve got out without her coming back quickly with swear words. But she doesn’t say anything, she just keeps walking.

Ellie didn’t understand why someone like you would give attention to someone like Liam, but he’s also the one who had his arm around you the whole night, Ellie wonders if she’d would be able to grab your attention if she was a guy..

Is really that feeling, the one that is starting to feel so fucking overwhelming.

“Ellie wait up!” You grab her shoulder forcefully, excepting her turn around, or for her to even acknowledge your presence. “Can we just talk?” You sigh out, tired of whatever is happening between you two. “Please?” You add on.

Ellie just shakes her head silently not turning around to face you, leaving you faced with her back.

You move your legs to finally get a good view of her, each step is heavier then the last one, the moons dim light making this even more dramatic in your opinion.

Even though it was dark it was no secret Ellie’s eyes were rimmed red and her chest is pounding up and down.

You see how her eyes are doing everything in their power to avoid yours. Her teeth are tugged in her bottom lip and you look down noticing how her hands are shaking. You didn’t understand what was happening, you’ve never seen someone look like they’re portraying a full factory reset in person. So now you’re scared? You don’t even know if she’s okay.

“Hey- are you okay” You say in a scared-ish tone, still looking at Ellie. She doesn’t respond just shakes her head no fast, you could run back down to the bonfire and grab someone for help but Ellie takes notice you seemed to be panicked and quickly managed to spit out “I just need- need to calm down” She says looking at you.

You could probably calm her down, seeing as that’s all she’s needs to happen. You nod slowly and step forward, arms thinking before your brain could process and ending up around Ellie.

Ellie’s arms hesitate to wrap around your body, being nervous considering this is the first time you’ve both even touched each other after the whole “incident” happened.

She still leaned into the hug, her breath starting to calm down and heart starting to pace itself. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, she was just glad that since you were hugging her you couldn’t see the embarrassing state she was in.

“Breath..” You sigh holding onto Ellie, your grip entails that you might have needed this hug just as much as her.

Ellie nods slowly and keeps her head on your shoulder. To be fair not sure what pushed her to say her next sentence, because all it did was embarrass her further. “Are we even still friends?..” Ellie says her grip loosing around your body.

You’ve known Ellie for a month. And as ridiculous as it sounded, right now she seems like the most priceless thing that you refuse to lose out of pure stupidity?

“Of course..” You tighten your arms around her, making up for the looseness she caused.

“Are you mad at me?” Ellie ask, head still laying on your shoulder.

It was a crazy difference from that morning and now. Because as much as you both seemed okay with loosing each other neither of you are willing to let go now.

“No.” You say, confidence radiating from your tone and look. Because you meant it, you weren’t mad at Ellie for anything that went down that night. You were drunk, all the both of you did was cuddle, and it could’ve meant nothing. You were still convinced it meant nothing, because you weren’t ready to accept that it meant more. Even though deep down those feelings were starting to bubble.

“You mad at me.?” You question arms still around her.

“No.” Ellie sighs out, she wasn’t mad at you. But she’s always starting to realize you’re definitely not good for her, she’s never consistently cried over the same person. Let alone ever let feelings ever get this intense for one person.

And unfortunately she’s having a hard time separating the fact you’re one of her best friends, and the same girl she’s starting to fall for. She’s not even sure when those became the same thing. All she knows that if she can’t separate those things then this friendship won’t work.

But she also doesn’t know how to pull back from you.

“Okay..” You nod slowly.

“I don’t know why I freaked out..” You add.

The worse part is, you definitely did know why you freaked.

You just weren’t ready to admit that reason, you weren’t ready to admit that you let your insecurities outweigh you and target Ellie, that being in yelling form of course.

Not ready to admit that you might just have feelings for a girl.

It was making you nauseous.

“I shouldn’t have” You pause then talk. “Freaked out.” You clarify, you and Ellie still hugging. Which is becoming excessive because Ellie’s breathing is normal and tears are no longer flowing. “I just thought maybe you thought I-“ You start.

Ellie was quick to cut your words off, not wanting to hear you say “maybe you thought I liked you”. She knows that’ll hurt a lot more then the situation itself.

“I don’t.” Ellie sighs, and pulls back from the hug, realizing that she’s starting to take it as not a friendly thing, like her mind was tricking her that you liked her or something? Everything was turning so confusing. “And plus I was a dick too.” Ellie says, each word felt so fucking heavy. Like her chest was weighing down on her.

“Can we please just- forget about it..” You sigh looking at her, realizing that could have two meanings. “The fight” You clarify, you don’t even want to admit to Ellie you remember that night in your bedroom. Embarrassed even thinking back to in. Unsure of why you did the things you did.

“Yeah.” Ellie nods far too quickly, willing to drop everything just to feel like she has you back, but she knows it’ll probably be different.

“I don’t want us to not talk because of the fight.” You both knew that if you two were to stop talking it wouldn’t be because of a fight. It would probably be another “friendly” mistake that would give you the same outcome as this, just way worse.

“You’re like my best friend” You say looking at her, you said it with the intent of emphasizing on the friend part, hoping it will convince the both of you that’s all you are..

All you wanted to be with Ellie was just friends.

“You’re mine too.” Ellie says looking you up and down.

It’s clear now.

You’re just friends.

A/N -> THEE END!

Jk, I honestly planned for two parts on this fic (originally) but now it mayyy become a slow burn 🌚

idek yet because when I tell you i’m so busy this summer it’s actually kinda concerning, like Istg I have one free week and i’m still on vacation as I’m writing this.

IM SO SORRY it took so long btw, i feel like i need to be be cancelled after telling everyone it’s gonna take 2 weeks 😭 (it came out after a month, what the actualll hell)

but the next part i promise i’ll try my best to get it out really fast! Like two weeks will be the goal, I hope you liked this part because I tried to make it a bit longer as a little apology. tyty for reading and I hope you enjoyed.

(Like and reblogs are alwaysss appreciated 😘😘)