Rant Hour

But what I cannot stand is the awful headaches and the lack of energy that not eating leaves me with — I mostly end up eating because I want to get rid of those symptoms cause otherwise I can never get any work done and then I feel guilty about not working and binge:(

The black jeans are my current jeans (that are a little too tight) and the grey jeans are going to be my ultimate goal size!

So I’m back to what I weighed at the start of June:( and the last 3 months have been an absolute waste.

I do, however, plan on getting back into more intense calorie restrictions/fasts/exercise from today.

I guess sometime last night my brother decided to use my scale and he broke it??

And now I’m super anxious because this morning was the first time in 4 months that I didn’t get up, go to the bathroom and weigh myself.

I’ve been been weighing myself regularly (3 times a week) since February 2019 and that changed to every single morning in April 2020 and the idea that I won’t be weighing myself for awhile is terrifying.

My clothes arrived this morning and I decided it would be a good idea to try them on and see how they fit (and how fat I look in them) but the thing is most of the items fit me and I just don’t get it?? Like yea some of the shirts were a little tight but not in a way that would seem like it was too small for me. The only things that didn’t really fit were the pants but even those were just a tad bit too small to be comfortable.

One of the thoughts that I had while looking at the clothes was “oh this is kinda small, I wonder how long it’ll take me to fit into this” and I just don’t get how I do fit into these clothes cause I look in the mirror and I just don’t see a body that would fit into Size S clothing??