clivedavinci: not that i would ever dance again for the rest of my life since i felt heartbreak like that george michael song where he never felt like dancing again, but to be out and about would be great, i have nothing in my life though, i have occassional sausagy fests put on so i can be a mild drunken form of entertainment, or other times other sausagy fests as if its obligated to include me, i’ve had disorder in my life for over a decade, still feels like i’m brad pitt in ad astra spinning on my way to earth, no opened arms for me to try and float towards, a pretty girl at burger king on my way back from cedar lake last week said she loved my car and laughed at it, i can’t find her online, maybe i’ll hit the gym tomorrow and get subway, i dunno, why leave home when you can just wallow in grief and eat your mostacolli sauce, i have to workout at least once a week and i will tomorrow but i mean what’s the fuckin point going throughout the week, impressing who? being sexy for who, on what dates? i’ve left that world behind, i don’t care anymore, i don’t have anything in common with this world including the people i have things in common with, i just rot away, i’m organizing papers in my file cabinet, masturbating, and watching movies and shows, i dug a foundation on fran lin yesterday all random when i didnt’ wanna leave the house and it was for base pay like i’m a fuckin ditch digger on a chain gang, i hate when drunk people just pop over and expect you to cater to their whims, i just like my lonesomeness, i stay in my house with my bitching cats, the girls don’t get along and its pissing me off, dakota is a bully and cannot accept her i guess from jealosy even though i give them equal amounts of love and affection, and she gets to snuggle with her daddy whenever she wants, that cat has cuts by its eye n shit and scabs all over its back from the attacks, its kinda like if you saw your cat hurting a mouse or bird, you have to reprimand them eventually, a little smack in the nose or something, you have to put them in check because believe it or not animals can become assholes just like people and you can’t spare the rod, the alternative is surgery or death for the smaller fuzzymiddens so smacks are coming i guess and she really pisses me off and its the last thing i wanna do but what else could i fuckin do, is the cat whisperer gonna pop over? i do have his book though and an aspca book on cats maybe i’ll go through it first, wished a girl anywhere in the world i could like back, liked me, i don’t want my only choice of girls being drunk people in bars, if i even get to go there, and then they flirt with a dozen dudes they’ve already boned and still bone, happiness to me was just holding a girl that made me laugh and we were endless lovers and always had sex when we wanted, she was my best friend and we hung out and slept all day and made our dull boredom extraordinary just being together and being stupidf, its all i want again, but someone better and not a coccooning maniac and sleazeball and breaker to my heart, i just wish i could find someone so amazing she breaks the mold on what women were meant to be, she tries and tries, just communicates really, wants to see me, wants to hear from me, i think this is the first day of my void path, where i’m going to become a million times more reclusive, like the artists do, even though i’m not really an artist or practicing in any creative pursuits really, don’t even have a camera, even if i did i dont’ have a subject, we die in 80 years if we’re lucky, what’s the point? our art or legacies to carry us forward? that’s stupid, i just like cumming while i’m alive, wanna hug a girl and make her feel completely loved and safe in my arms is all, that’s all i really give a shit about, i don’t need to live ham and do every fancy thing the world is doing to prove to everyone that i’m livvin it up, i just wanna do what’s comfy, watch movies and eat and have someone there to love is all, nothing fancy, all i ever look forward to is scrapping on sundays, its an easy way to make quick bucks for just a few hours if i can fill my truck on the random places i go, i grabbed a s hitload of pallets but i guess they’re not 4 bucks each anymore just a buck, not worth the drive for it so i’m gonna probably take them to one of my uncles dumbass properties and leave them in the alley, was contemplating if i should hit the gym there’s still a few hours but no girls talk to me, i wish i could just hang out with a girl i’m into, not as a date but just casual, do anything, go eat, thrifting, whatever, maybe she’d develop feelings, no girls are ever fucking bored though and there isn’t a lonely girl on this planet, they occupy their time with dudes from fads, they have an endless suppport group of dick, and even if they hadn’t, there’s strangers, dozens of them in their inboxes, and far younger than i, far bullshitier than i could ever be, when i was young i had circles of friends too i hung out with, everything hadn’t mattered back then, life doesn’t hit you, you have your family support group, you socialize with friends and have fun, now everyone is segregated in caste systems i’m not invited too, and i don’t just mean babies and their friends having babies so playdates can be planned, i mean anything, i’m such a foreign element to everyone’s oily drip its not even funny, i feel like a fuckin alien from another planet, i feel like everyone is an ice agent and i’m a latin gardener living in some shack in the back of a white person’s house in a white fancy neighborhood, its just a matter of time i’m deemed completely undesirable, because the world says to live and behave a certain way, fuck that way, fuck our world
