benjamin franklins mom

my mom bought this thing for my neck and it’s called “Happy Neck”

if you put a frog in warm water and gradually turn up the heat until the water is boiling, the frog will remain there until it dies.

I mean it’s a goddamn hat.

Right..?

The white rose, it symbolizes the unique beauty of all the women who wish not to be with a nice guy such as myse-

Nothing ventured, nothing gained…

WHEEEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE THAT’S AMORREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

oh boy…….

You guys are fucking silly

and I’m gonna prove it!

Because honestly, only an idiot would believe that you can simply-

I must say Reginald, the oil sales have been most disappointing in the last fortnight, it’s positively appal-