𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐲𝐥𝐞𝐞 | study era

“Oh Lord … the boy's down again.”

Hands in the pockets of his shorts, Chan stood at the edge of the sea, his gaze fixed on his friends in the distance. His shoulders shook with silent laughter as Minho slipped and crashed into the waves for the third time in the past two minutes. Felix was tugging at his friend with all of his might, trying to get him to stand again, but Minho looked as though he had given up, his face as blank as a sheet of paper. 

Shaking his head with fondness written all over his face, Chan inhaled deeply. The scent in the air was earthy, and saltier than usual, the sand beneath foot damp from the earlier storm that must have passed. The waves crashed and rolled into each other, spraying bits of sea foam at the man's knees, the cool waters caressing the skin of his ankles. Tall pine trees rustled along the promenade, and their delicate fragrance wafted towards Chan on the subtle breeze, the earthiness tickling his nose with an air of familiarity. 

He loved this beach. 

He loved it even more when his family were with him.  

They appeared to be some of the only people there, and the calm atmosphere filled Chan with such a deep sense of peace that he felt the very backs of his eyes prickle. He blinked a few times, grinning when Minho finally got up onto his feet amongst the waves. A roaring Changbin was so ecstatic that he threw himself at Minho, thus Minho toppling back into the sea again. 

“Oh Lee Know … “ Chan called out to his friend, mirth dancing in his eyes. “Lee Know! You alright in there? Wanna come back?” 

Minho responded by shaking his head and sticking a thumbs up into the air, a wicked grin crossing his face.  

It made Chan chuckle. Minho's mind worked in mysterious ways; perhaps he enjoyed falling into the waters. 

Turning his head, Chan frowned. Y/N wasn't beside him where she had been just moments ago, and he turned completely, the crease between his brows disappearing when he caught sight of her dress just a few metres away. A pale blue, Y/N's dress was light and airy like the sky above, and it brushed her ankles as she leaned down, her fingers rifling through the golden sand. She crouched down, and Chan smiled as he walked up to her, his heart leaping in his chest as he took in the endearing sight of concentration printed on her features. 

“Whatcha doing?” Chan hummed, his hand reaching out of its own accord to gently rest on top of her head. She looked up at his touch, and her eyes crinkled under the gradually setting sun as he started to card his fingers through her hair. 

“Hunting for shells,” Y/N said simply. Her eyes were wistful as she leaned her cheek against Chan's forearm, her fingers smoothing over the fine sand grains beneath her. “I haven't collected shells in … years. It used to be my favourite thing to do as a kid.” 

Chan's face softened. “Why'd you stop?” 

“We stopped going to the beach as much,” Y/N said in her soft voice. “And when we did go … I guess I was too depressed to enjoy anything. Didn't have the energy.” 

She had a tiny box beside her, and Chan's eyes twinkled when he saw the assortment of items inside it.

“Well, feel free to collect as many as you want … as long as it's not over ten kilos,” Chan teased her. 

Y/N tilted her head. “Why?”

“Restriction laws,” Chan shrugged. 

Smiling at that, Y/N pulled her box towards her. She shook it, the ten or so small shells jingling. “That's a shame. I’m sure these all weigh a kilo each.” 

Chuckling at her sarcasm, Chan watched as Y/N reached into the box and pulled out something circular to show him. 

“I found a sand dollar!” 

Chan's mouth parted in wonder as he took the sand dollar from her hand. It was almost completely smooth, four open notches spaced relatively evenly around the circumference of it, and one below the flower shape in the middle. Chan turned it over in his fingers, and it glistened as the deepening rays of sunshine bounced off of it. 

He looked up to say something, but she'd already moved; the man let out a small puff of laughter as he followed her closer to where the water was kissing the sand, and he watched as she picked up something else, an awe-filled gasp escaping her lips.

“Chris! Look!” 

Resting in her two hands was an enormous shell, painted in shades of cream, pink and peach. Its exterior was beautifully textured, the rocky lines and bumps a stark contrast from the smooth inside that boasted a rosy hue that faded into the soft ivory colour. It almost sparkled like finely milled glitter, and Chan's mouth dropped open as he made to stand in front of her.

“Oh woah … what the heck?” He traced a delicate finger over the ridge of the shell, his eyes beyond mesmerised. “A conch?”

“It's empty,” Y/N said, slowly turning it around in her hands and pointing to the small hole at the base of the shell's spiral. “And it's so heavy.” 

“Conches are really rare … especially on this beach,” Chan mused as he continued to trace the grooves. “I wonder where it came from?” 

Y/N looked down at it, her own heart fluttering at the sheer beauty of it. “Must have been washed up by the storm earlier.” 

“I think the sea wanted you to have it,” Chan grinned. “Like a … welcome home present?” 

At that, Y/N flitted her gaze up to him. She didn't quite know what to say - she didn't know how to explain the feeling that had erupted inside her chest upon hearing his words. 

“I don't think it weighs ten kilos,” Y/N joked softly instead. 

Chan grinned. “There's nothing against taking empty conches, either.” 

When she didn't speak again, Chan stepped a little closer to her. “You do know what conch shells signify, right?” 

She shook her head. 

“Love,” Chan said softly. 

Watching as Y/N gripped the conch tighter in her hands, Chan suddenly felt an overpowering wave of emotion rushing through him. Her cheeks were flushed and her skin shone beneath the sun, and the vibrant wash of colour that had begun to swim across the sky turned her dress from the colour of blue daisies to a charming coral, much like the shell in her fingers. And there was that sparkle in her eyes, the one that had grown bigger and bigger over the days they had been together. Reunited. At each other's side, like they should have been all along. 

Like the waves they stood beside, the realisation swept through Chan and infiltrated the intricate network of veins beneath his skin, warming his blood and sending one, very prominent thought to the forefront of his mind. 

There was no one else he would ever love the way he loved her. 

In the depth of his heart and soul, Chan knew she was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He yearned to see her smile for the rest of their days, to protect that precious joy she had worked so hard to salvage despite the hell she had endured for so long. He wanted to love her, fiercely, with every inch of his being, so she would forget what it ever felt like to be anything but cherished and adored for who she was. 

He wanted to give her freedom, and to make her feel as though her heart could fly. 

Chan had always been one to plan every one of his movements. Every step he had taken in his life was one that was thoroughly thought out, and carefully planned in advice so could take complete control of the outcome.

But there was no control now. Now, there was pure spontaneity that ignited a raging flame in the depths of him. There was nothing else that mattered to him but the woman that he loved standing just inches away.

And he would not let her slip through his fingers because of fear. 

“Why are … why are you looking at me like that?” Y/N's voice was barely a whisper, and it brushed against him like the soft feather. “Chris ….?” 

Chan swallowed thickly. His blood sizzled and his heart jerked against the restraints of his ribcage, as if it wanted to rip through his chest and merge itself with hers. But his voice was calm when he spoke, and it was soft in a way that made Y/N go still. 

“I want to marry you,” Chan said. 

Y/N stared. It took all of her willpower to keep her trembling fingers from giving way and dropping the conch into the sand. 

“What … ?” she breathed. 

“I, want to, marry you,” Chan repeated, slower this time as his eyes fluttered shut. When he opened them again, they gleamed, and they reflected the tiny pinpricks of early stars scattered about the pink sky. “I … don't want to wait anymore. I spent years waiting, waiting to tell you how I really felt, because I was afraid. I was so afraid … afraid of things going wrong, of allowing myself to embrace what I was feeling. I thought maybe I didn't deserve to feel like this - that I'm not good enough for it, for us. But Y/N … I can't keep pretending anymore. I can't keep pretending that you're not the one that I want, that you're all I've wanted for such a long time. I can't keep pushing this away … I won't let my fear keep me away from you anymore. Because, Y/N, I don't want to be away from you anymore. I can't. I … can't. You have my heart, Y/N, and you always have.” 

Completely stunned, it was all Y/N could do to stop a trickle of tears from spilling into her shell. 

“I don't have a ring,” Chan continued, his breathing coming a little faster now. Neither him nor Y/N noticed how their friends had all stopped squabbling in the middle of the sea, their laughter quieted as their eyes locked onto them with anticipatory smiles. “I didn't plan on telling you this … not now, not like this. But standing here, watching you … I don't want to wait any longer. I don't want to waste our time dating when I know you're what I want. We can go on dates after we're married … but you're who I want. You're the only one for me, Y/N, and I know - I know you're who I'm supposed to be with. I love you, Y/N. To the stars and back, I love you.” 

When Y/N didn't reply, Chan's mouth began to move of its own accord. His words left him in a jumble, his cheeks and nose and ears the colour of the sunset. “I'll get you a ring. I promise I'll get you a ring. I'll … I'll go and get one right now. Or we can choose one together, if you want … whatever you want, I'll get you it. I'll get you the biggest diamond I can find if that's what it'll take for you to - “ 

“Christopher,” Y/N cut through his jumbled words, and Chan immediately paused. “Christopher … you idiot. I don't care about the ring.” 

Chan's breath hitched. 

“I don't care about having a ring,” Y/N whispered, her eyes filling with tears as she looked up at him. “I love you too. I've loved you from the minute I laid eyes on you, I just didn't know it then. I don't care about dating either … Christopher, you're all I've ever wanted. I want to marry you too - I don't want a ring, I want you. I want all of you, Chris … I want to be yours.” 

“You are mine,” Chan breathed, a tear spilling down his jaw. “You'll always be mine.” 

A watery smile breaking through her tears, Y/N wiped her hand over the back of her cheeks. “You … are you really being serious? It's not a joke, right?” 

Chan's face broke into a grin of his own. A flicker of mischief crossed the love in his starstruck eyes, and with a soft laugh to himself, Chan slowly knelt in front of her with one knee in the sand. 

His lower lip caught between his teeth as he gently took the conch shell from Y/N's hands. Cupping it in his own, Chan stretched it out towards her. 

“Y/N,” Chan's voice wobbled a little, both heartfelt tears and humour coating his words. “Will you marry me?” 

A broken giggle left Y/N as she stared at the shell. Her gaze settled on Chan's face, at the way the darkening sky was making his freckles look like stars, how the freeze was making his hair dance across his forehead. And his eyes … his beautiful, warm eyes, holding so much love in them - for her. 

“On one condition,” Y/N gulped. 

Chan bit his lip hard. “ … What?” 

“You're not going to make me wear that shell as a ring, are you? I mean … it might break my finger.” 

Eyes wide, Chan suddenly burst into laughter, the light sound tangling with the crash of the waves in the form of a unique song. 

“No, Y/N … I'm not gonna make you wear it as a ring.” 

Her eyes filled with delight, Y/N grinned. “Then yes. Yes, I'll marry you.” 

Exhaling in relief, Chan set the conch down onto the sand before standing to his feet. His fingers shook as he cupped Y/N's warm face instead, and his thumbs caressed away the sparkling tear tracks from her skin. 

“So … does this mean we're engaged?” Chan asked in a low voice, feeling giddy. “I mean … I've never done this before.” 

Snorting with laughter, Y/N looped her arms around his neck, and she sank her fingers into the soft curls of his hair. “Looks like we're both in this together then. I've never done this before either.” 

The both of them choking over their own laughter, Chan couldn't help himself when he leaned closer, his nose brushing against hers. Their smiles melted into each other's as the softest of caresses from Chan's lips met Y/N's, sending a jolt of extraordinary warmth through them both.

Y/N's breath caught in her throat. She could feel another tear dripping down her chin as Chan enveloped her lips with his own, and his eyelashes were wet when they met her skin. 

“Your heart is beating so fast,” Y/N murmured, when Chan pulled away a little, his eyes falling shut as he rested his forehead against hers. She lay a tentative hand over his chest, the heavy drum there making her eyes flick up to his in surprise. 

Chan groaned, his own hand going to lay over hers. “Yeah. That was the most nerve-wracking thing I've ever done.” 

Y/N's lips quirked upwards. “Really?” 

“You're the most important thing in my life, baby girl,” Chan whispered. “Didn't wanna fuck it up.” 

Y/N was about to reply when suddenly Chan was pummeled to the ground; Felix was screaming something in his ear and the older man laughed, face down in the sand as Y/N’s giggles filled the air. 

*☆*☆*

“Damn. Out of everyone here, I didn't think Chris would be the one to propose without a ring,” Jeongin said dryly.

“Broke boy,” Seungmin drawled from near him. “All bark and no bite.”

Chan sighed for what felt like the fiftieth time in the past hour. His lips were curved up into a permanent smile, however, and he locked eyes with Y/N over the lick of flames in the middle of them all. 

The sun had long set, dipping beyond the sea’s horizon in a burst of vivid colours much like the roaring fire they were all gathered around. Now, the sky was a clear spill of royal blue ink, whirls of indigo and violet peppering the night sky and broken up by the shimmering of stars. The sea continued to spill up against the sand in flashes of gold, reflecting the city lights behind them all. 

Accompanied by Jisung and Changbin, Chan had earlier gone into the shops and returned with bags of various snacks and food for them all. With an abundance of sticks, the group were now in the middle of toasting marshmallows, the sweet, smokey scent wafting around them in warm caresses. 

“For the last time, Kim Seungmin, I didn't do it on purpose,” Chan said, pointing his marshmallow ended stick towards him. “It wasn't planned.” 

“He hadn't planned on marrying me,” Y/N joked, making the group burst into laughter. 

“Hey. That is not what I meant, and you know it,” Chan was indignant. 

Y/N winked at him. She was rewarded with the darkening of Chan's ears as he looked down at his marshmallow, his cheek dimpling. 

“What’s up with the shell though?” Jisung asked, raising an eyebrow as he eyed the conch at Y/N's side. “I swear you raised that thing in the sky like … Simba.” 

Y/N choked on her marshmallow. Felix thumped her on the back, and Chan glared at Jisung. 

“Maybe it's a new trend,” Changbin smirked. “Propose with a shell.” 

“I found the conch,” Y/N giggled. “And he didn't have a ring so he used it as a joke.” 

“See, it sounds like a good idea when you say it,” Minho chimed in. “But when he does it, it feels cringey.” 

Chan muttered something unsavoury under his breath, his eyes twinkling. 

“How does it feel to be engaged?” Felix asked Y/N, his eyes crinkling. “About time. You both took ages. It only feels like yesterday when you were crying to me about how you wanted to - “

“Right, yes, thank you Lee Yongbok for that contribution,” Y/N cleared her throat pointedly in his direction, just as Chan tipped his head curiously at her. She gulped, her cheeks flushing. “One more word from you and I'm gonna make you go ghost hunting with me.” 

Felix clamped his mouth shut. His eyes still spoke of humour, and he skewered another marshmallow onto his stick. 

“Well?” Seungmin raised an eyebrow. “You didn't answer the question.”

At that, Y/N grew quiet as she considered her answer. 

Her gaze was slow as it swivelled over the group, their friendly faces glowing with the firelight. She landed on Chan last, and he was already looking at her, his eyes intense and full of silent words as he studied her face. She felt that familiar stretch of warm bloom inside of her as she continued to watch him, and she wasn't surprised when she felt the backs of her eyes sting with pressure. 

Years. It had taken her years to get to this point. To a point where she no longer felt that impending sense of doom lurking and waiting for her around every corner, and every bend. Blood relatives had never felt like anything to her other than just that - blood. She had known from as early as she could think that she didn't belong where she was raised. She didn't belong with the people who didn't understand her, who didn't value her the way she should have. And it had taken her such a long time to realise that it wasn't due to any fault of her own. She was never at fault for simply existing. She deserved to be loved, and she knew that wasn't something she would find being confined to the roots of what had broken her in the first place. 

But she found that love in herself. And in the process, it had led her to the person she had been searching for in her heart of hearts before she had even realised what it was she was looking for. 

She blinked at Chan, his own lips soft with a smile as if he could read her thoughts. This was a family. This was … her family. 

And she knew then, what it felt like. What she had felt when she looked into Chan's eyes for the first time. 

“Home,” Y/N whispered. “It feels like home.” 

Masterlist

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