sleepy-hyacinth

um, back in september I realized that I have a problem that I need to address and change. I’m not formally diagnosed. I haven’t talked to any professionals. I’m worried about being judged because I’m not “that bad.”

I have reason to believe that I have an eating disorder, that I’ve had it for years. I won’t go into detail because that’s not what this is about. I’m just saying I’m working on it. holding myself accountable. I had a really hard couple of weeks after a triggering incident, but I believe I’m capable of being better. I can be strong. I have an amazing boyfriend who is very patient and tries his best to understand and help. I told my mum. I got some books. I hope to one day see a professional.

only weird thing was a dude tried to tell me how he saw me on the bus earlier in the day, something about my hair and smile and someone’s friends. he kept touching and poking my arm... I couldn’t hear what he was saying cuz it was during a set. my friend got me away from him cuz they saw I was uncomfortable. probably harmless, just a tad creepy in execution. idk I’m certain I’ve never been hit on, but my friend assured me it’s probably happened but I just never noticed it before. who knows.

bf and I had a good talk last night. he wants to do right by his morals, so we’re slowing down, and lingering in the moment. 

honestly, I didn’t know I needed this. I was trying to be more sexual than I am, I think we both were. eyy ace spec. I’ve had trouble valuing myself in the past and I think this will help my self-esteem, really hit home that I’m more than my body, y’know?. I feel warm and fuzzy. so happy.