d i v i n e

it’s been 9 years since i wrote this. i was experiencing 24/7 anxiety so badly that i needed serious medication. these days in the back of my car is an “emergency party box.” when people admit they no longer really celebrate their birthday; i tell them to put the sash on and queue up kesha, we’re going bowling or something. these days i can’t spin around without finding something i am enamored with. these days i list 3 things i’m grateful for before i fall asleep. you’re probably one of them, just by virtue of you existing.

at the time i wrote this, i was suffering through a severe panic attack literally every night. i tortured my brother with constant 2 AM calls just to hear someone else breathing, because i couldn’t be alone in the silence.

i rarely wish i was still 23 even though ironically i had more hope back then. what i can tell you is this: i love the same way, but bigger now. i’ve worn the velvet cape to several business meetings. i spent thursday in a crop top without caring what my stomach looked like.

i told her i like her; i often dress as a witch. i still got glass in my foot this morning. i’ve kissed maybe a thousand people since then and met a million more than that; passing like the shadow of a hammerhead in trains and planes and buses.

i saw you, beloved, there, maybe, on platform in south station. you didn’t speak, but you said: i struggle to give the nothing meaning. the nothing fills up everything. it is just loud and yellowed panicked silence. i can’t stop shaking.

on the roof, birds curl together against the chilled spring wind. the sky outside of the craft store was an iridescent pink. the nothing already had meaning; you are giving it meaning by witnessing.

Suprise! After all the Moon isn’t really gray 🌒🎨

We’ve been looking at it wrong this whole time.

With the right filters, it lights up with:

🔵 titanium blues

🟠 volcanic oranges

⚫ iron-rich terrain

if you wanted to actually make any material difference, you'd evaluate the political power leftists have and then actually use it. there ain't enough of us to elect a leftist president, let alone stage some mythical Revolution. meaning that if the country collapsed right now, it wouldn't be leftists that take over.

if your goal is to lose with your hands clean then by all means just keep posting and nothing else, but if you want to fix anything on the systemic level then you need allies. you need to be able to work with people you don't agree with on everything. that means making momentary compromises when necessary. emphasis on momentary. if kamala gets elected, she isn't president forever, and if you vote for her, you aren't sworn to the democratic party.

low voter turnout has never made the US shift to the left before, so I don't know why so many tumblr users think it suddenly would now. decreasing voter turnout is a right wing goal, they pour obscene amounts of money into it. if leftists don't vote, that's less resistance for republicans, and it's frankly the only reason republicans ever get elected anymore.

I'm not gonna call anybody a psyop, and it doesn't really matter if they are or not, because it doesn't change the fact that y'all anti-voters are spreading conservative propaganda to own the libs. I've literally seen leftists arguing, at me, that "trump is actually less damaging for minorities" like are you fucking listening to yourself. you are so obsessed with owning the libs that you have stopped being critical of fascism. how do you not realize you're straight up parroting conservative propaganda?

someone is gonna get elected this year, and based on the polling data it's gonna be trump or harris. you can either increase the chances that it's trump, or increase the chances that it's harris. refusing to vote increases trump's chances, so that's probably not a particularly leftist move. if you think there is no difference between trump and harris, then either you aren't paying any attention at all, or you just don't care.

"Courbes" for Revue Beauté by Revue Magazine/ July 2021