Time is weird when you are not here.
A year ago my chest gave way,
A year ago the nest gave way,
I built with breath and borrowed heat,
It broke beneath your absent beat.
A year ago we both were lost,
A year ago the waiting cost,
Five days of dark, five nights of rot,
Your blood ran warm, my hands did not.
A year ago the stench stayed in,
A year ago it sealed my skin,
It filled my lungs, it learned my name,
It taught my love the shape of shame.
A year ago I died in cars,
A year ago I split my scars,
I screamed your name into the night,
The night replied with empty light.
A year ago I slept and asked,
A year ago the bed lay fast,
Where had you gone, where did I stay,
Who left first, who chose delay.
A year ago the house went thin,
A year ago time caved within,
One year became five in my head,
Then ten rehearsed the years ahead.
A year ago this hurt took root,
A year ago it bore its fruit,
It hurts the same in every tense,
No word provides a defense.
A year ago my soul split clean,
A year ago my heart obscene,
It tore itself and tore again,
Still waiting for you in the pain.
A year ago my voice went mute,
A year ago my eyes dispute,
They swear they see you at the edge,
A ghost rehearsing how to fledged.
The phrase repeats. It will not go.
The world is noise, I stay confined,
Lost room to room, behind, behind.
A year ago you crossed this floor,
A year ago before no more,
You passed the point where moments break,
The step I cannot ever take.
A year ago you flew from me,
A year ago you were not free,
I thought I built a home for you,
I did not know the home was you
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