Addicted to pain.

Yesterday, I was a bad girl. I have had some issues with trust because of my previous relationship. I was having dreams of my Lady, She was with other girls and kept ignoring me and breaking up with me. I kept reminding myself that they were just dreams but my conscience kept annoying me. My Lady has a friend online that She has never meet and that girl has a crush on Her. Because my conscience was bugging me, I tried to check Her email to see if She was talking to Her. I couldn't enter because it requested a number that was sent to Her phone. I didn't tell Her, I'm supposed to tell Her everything but I couldn't so I broke a rule. When I got home, I told Her about the dream and I asked Her if She liked that girl. They follow each other on Instagram and my Lady likes most of her pictures but once again, my Lady told me that only because She likes her cat and how the pictures come out. So my Lady already assured me that She doesn't like her at all, I believe Her but my mind likes to fuck with me which I hate. She also asked me what was on my mind, I just said that the dream was bothering me and that was all. Left the part of checking her email out of the topic which was completely idiotic of me. Later in the day, She got an email saying that someone tried to enter into her email and asked me if it was me. Freaked out inside, I automatically said no then She asked me again. I said yes, I did because that dream was bothering me. Of course She got mad because I wasn't honest with Her. She said that I need to trust Her then She asked me "when will you understand that I love you so much?" I told Her that I know She loves me but sometimes I think way too much and then my thoughts lead one to another. She took me to our bedroom and told me to put my face down in the bed. Did what I was told, and She proceeded to put down my shorts and underwear so She could whip me with the crop. I love pain but not as a punishment, I hated it when she hit me with the crop. She said she didn't enjoy it either because She only wants to use pain for pleasure as a reward. I apologized for not being honest and told Her that I love Her. I hate having a sore ass for what I have done, it makes me feel guilty but I deserved it. I know She loves me, and I trust her. I need to stop my brain for making me think stuff that's not necessary. I'm sorry, my Lady, for not being honest. Thank you for tolerating me when I'm a pain in the ass, you're the best. I love you, infinitely.