my favorite things

Kara is having panic attacks and is determined to find out who’s causing them. Almost 3k. Kara really just needs a hug and therapy. 💛

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27130801

female awesome meme :  favourite female dynamics : 

Kara Danvers & Alex Danvers, Supergirl.

“I remember thinking I would never feel at home on Earth. I still don’t, in a way. But I feel at home with you.”

It also gets me thinking about the Season 4 arcs where Alex choose to have her memories of Kara = alien wiped, and how that impact was never fully resolved in Season 5. The pain Kara shares in Season 4 concerning that also doesn’t get resolved per se. We only see her joy at Alex remembering her as an alien again, but Alex is never shown in recovery or engaging in mind-healing after such a massively important connection being wiped.

This bothered me a lot to be honest. Alex deserved a chance to heal from that. To show that journey and to grow with her family and friends’ support.

When I was writing the Alex Recovery Arc in my Unraveling Realities story, I thought about these scenes a lot. How Alex having Kara = alien erased in Season 4 would have really fucked up her mind. She had false memories conjured in the absence of those original memories as her mind would have immediately fought to fill in those gaps.

For example, the Black Mercy crisis and saving Kara from it meant confronting Kara’s alien self and the immense grief she has over losing her family and planet. So that entire situation would have been erased. What was in its place then? What false memory did Alex’s brain conjure to fill that gap?

Season 5 did not address this at all and basically acted like Alex got all her memories back without any issues.

Realistically that doesn’t make sense. The false memories versus the original memories would have caused a lot of dysfunction and confusion. Gaps in memories where not all of the original memory returned would also fuel that confusion. This would impact Alex’s behaviors and ability to recall things about her and Kara, and likely would worsen overtime if she did not go to a therapist or mind healer. (As that is generally how mental illnesses tend to go if left untreated. Not all of them would resolve on their own, especially if they impacted a crucial foundational pillar to who Alex is).

I suspect that J'onn may not have erased the memories fully but simply submerged the majority deep within Alex’s subconscious. Other memories that couldn’t be submerged likely had to be erased.

Some of the submerged memories can be retriggered back to Alex’s consciousness due to extreme situations. For example, seeing Supergirl lying dead in the dirt after fighting Red Daughter? That traumatic moment could retrigger some memories of Kara = Supergirl. Which would likely cause a cascade of potentially true memories and false memories. In that moment of trauma, Alex would have focused on the main crisis – Supergirl/Kara dead or dying, then the fight to stop Lex and Red Daughter.

However, after that crisis is over, the impact of submerged memories resurfacing would start to wear on Alex over time if she did not seek help in reconciling the original memories and culling the false ones. This could impact our ability to recognize other people, start to affect her behaviors, confusion when people bring up past events where Alex has two irreconcilable memories, and escalating negative emotions from the dissonance of the irreconcilable memories.

To recover, she’d need to work with a mind-healer (if we’re gonna use alien or futuristic tech to go into her mind to help her heal) or work with a therapist to go through what happened and reconcile her memories properly. She would need the support of her family and friends to go through this.

It’d be hard at first, but slowly, over time, she’d heal. She might not ever have all her memories of Kara and her returned, but she could at least get majority back.

I think about this a lot to be honest, because Kara and Alex are so crucial to one another’s foundations. And Kara being an alien plays a major role in that, especially as it helped form Alex’s ideas and worldview regarding aliens (pushing her to be more compassionate). Season 4 briefly showed this in an arc that intertwined with the Nia Nal = Dreamer arc, but it wasn’t really discussed again.

Anyway, this post got me thinking again about this. So now y'all got an essay on it. Thank you for reading.

Its a very vague, general, and very poetic language despite being a very scientific society.

For example, (according to Kryptonian Dictionary) the word “El” by itself roughly translates to the word, “Sun”. But because the society worshipped their sun, Rao, it would be with great Narcissim to think that one could have the surname of “Sun”. So the House of El then roughly translates to, The House of Star(s).

But their house motto is “El Mayarah”, which - according to Kara - means “Stronger Together” but “El” doesn’t mean “Stronger”… and “Mayarah” roughly translates to “band together”… So it really means, “stars band together.”

I headcanon that Kara was only able to give a very loose, very shorthand translation. Because she’s not sure how else to fully capture the phrase, how to fully give the full description without it losing the meaning.

Because Krypton is a logical, scientific society - and when the House of El is a mostly scientific house, then they know that the stars are really just distant suns, often dying suns, often dead suns - and yet they still shine in the night. They also know that the stars can be used to map out your location. You could be lost, but just look up at the night sky and look at the stars, and then you realize you’re not alone no matter where you are, no matter what planet you’re on.

So, on Krypton, the complete phrase would be something like a proverb - translated into something like, “One Star is enough to light the day, but Stars Band Together to light up the darkest of nights.” - It’s meant to say that by yourself, you can only achieve so much. But with others? You achieve so much more.

It’s meant to transcend distance. It’s meant to transcend time. It’s meant to transcend death. No matter where, no matter when, no matter how.

On Earth, in English, the best way to translate it is just simply, “Stronger Together.”

When Kara says, “El Mayarah” she really means to say, “I’m with you no matter what, no matter when, no matter where….”

And so when Kara looks at her house emblem, she remembers her house, The House of El - The House of Stars. She remembers their motto, El Mayarah, the Kryptonian phrase for dead stars that still light up the darkest of nights. She remembers happier times with her family. She remembers that she’s been given a new family.

Kara in her suit and and cape with that smile on her face that makes people smile back whether they meant to or not and kids trust her instantly, talking about adoptive families and getting along with your siblings. And no she can’t say who her adoptive family here on earth is, because they need to stay safe but she can talk about how much she loves them, just like she still loves her biological family even though she misses them every day.  She can talk about the times it was hard fitting in with a new family and how sometimes someone might say something hurtful (and how sometimes that someone was her) but how family means talking and forgiveness and understanding and love whether you were born into it, or you found each other (and maybe she goes home that night and she and Alex don’t talk they just hug tighter than usual and Alex’ eyes are suspiciously shiny when she steals the remote). 

Kara with her chin up and her shoulders squared and her voice not shaking at all (J’onn gives her a nod when she comes back to the DEO and a quiet “good job, Supergirl,” that means everything) talking about being far from home and trying to adjust to a new culture and a new language and how it hurt when people made fun of her and how they live in a big world where a lot of people have to leave their homes sometimes for very bad reasons and how sometimes all it takes is someone holding out their hand and saying “you can sit with us at lunch” to make things a little better. 

Kara kissing Elmo on the top of his head and Elmo giggling, and then floating up to hug Big Bird so he doesn’t have to bend down. 

Kara definitely being invited back. 

kara spent the entirety of s1 wanting to date james but they became great friends in the meantime, so when it was finally time for them to change their relationship, kara didn't want to date him anymore. she didn't want to lose the connection they had, and a failed relationship would've done that. i think this is the reason kara doesn't want to date people who are already her friends. if it fails, you lose the person. and with ace people wanting to date allo people, it's a real possibility.

in s1, kara also (kind of) faced some aphobia from leslie during her supergirl slander piece. there is also a thing she says in the podcast itself (iyky), but i don't really want to include it because it's very icky.

(this should go without saying, but since this is the internet and nothing goes with a disclaimer, i do think leslie's "lack of sexuality" comment is bad, and i do think it could be seen as aphobie if that's how one chooses to interpret it)

kara spent the first half of s2 not only not showing any interest in mon-el, but outright saying she wouldn't date someone like him (who is, for example, openly a very sexual person. not that there's anything wrong with that, but seemingly not kara's cup of tea). she also rejected him twice. twice.

(the following part i kinda copy-pasted from another one of my posts, but don't judge me too hard, okay. it just already has the points i want to make.)

i honestly think kara dated mon-el because she felt like everyone was pulling away from her and she was scared to be alone again. it was during the time she was fighting with her best friends, and her sister was preoccupied with her own (toxic) relationship. on top of that, part of kara's story in the early seasons is unlearning all the harmful behavior jeremiah and eliza forced her to do so she could "fit in" ("don't be too smart", "make sure not to stand out", "go on dates, find a partner. it's what humans do"). so her abandonment issues, mixed with her belief that you need a partner to fit in and be happy because "that's what humans do", pushed her to mon-el. it also doesn't help alex decided to push the last of her internalized comhet on her sister ("well, mon-el likes you so are you sure you don't like him either?" no. no, she doesn't. this is not slander to alex tho, it's the writers fault. alex is my girl, and i love her very much. it was also said in s1 eliza would get upset with alex if kara didn't date enough so alex pushing kara towards mon-el maybe could be seen as a leftover effect from their mother's unfair treatment.)

i'd also like to say that sleeping with a guy once (if that's even what happened since we didn't really see anything) doesn't really prove she's not asexual. since she also left after (which is so funny to me because she got so bored she left her own loft) and explicitly told him not to tell anyone (which is even funnier to me).

and, on top of that, technically, for kara, mon-el was the closest thing to a kryptonian. in a way, he reminded her of her home (even if he was the furthest from that). she romanticized him a lot (she said so herself in 3x15). she felt like she could be herself with him, because he was also an alien. but the thing was, mon-el hated his planet and didn’t miss it at all. and for all of krypton’s faults, kara still missed her home a lot. mon-el couldn’t relate to her the way kara thought he could.

all these factors - 1) kara’s abandonment issues (because almost everyone was pulling away from her), 2) the belief installed by her adoptive parents that you need a romantic partner to fit in and appear normal (eliza would get upset with her if she didn’t go on enough dates), 3) most of her friends looking genuinely happy in their romantic relationships (happiness kara wanted to experience too and she didn't realise until later in the show that happiness looks different for different people so she assumed a relationship would make her happy), 4) last of alex’s comphet telling her that maybe she likes him too because he likes her (even if there were no indications and in fact, kara said she didn’t like him and looked disappointed when she found out he did), and 5) mon-el being the “closest” to her home (even if that was far from the truth), resulted in kara reassuring herself mon-el would make her happy and that he is good for her. even though he wasn’t.

i mean, forcing yourself to date someone because 1) they like you, 2) almost everyone else around you is in a relationship, and 3) you've been taught dating is the norm, and if you don't, you're weird, is pretty much the standard asexual experience.

in the s3 crossover, kara's conversation with barry can also be seen as asexual-coded.

being asexual can truly feel so isolating sometimes. so i get it.

the end of s3 is so so great because kara finally accepts herself the way she is and is happy with that person. and guess what, the second she does so, her "need" to find a romantic partner disappears. she doesn't have a love interest in s4, and it is so refreshing to see.

also, here are some moments that scream ace!kara because why not.

How religions and culture affect character choices and behavior has always been something that fascinated me, especially in shows and stories where such “small details” are painfully neglected. *Cough* Supergirl *Cough*. Just the little things that can cause massive butterfly effects, like the Kryptonian hatred of monarchy, something displayed with the daxamites but that would also have massive ripple effects on how Kara herself would interact with varying human civilizations and history. What does Kara think of the Queen of England, for example, or other non-monarchical, but also non-democratic dictatorships. Does Kara have the same disdain for Oligarchy that she has for monarchy? Is Kara one of those people who gets incredibly upset when someone says they don’t vote?

But one of the big culture and religious effects that I personally have always adored and played around with is how a sun god affects death and grieving rituals. We know from 1x14, that Kryptonians are sent to burn in their sun upon death, that a surviving female is supposed to lead these rites and that Kara knows how to perform it(this will be important later). We also know from the first season, but more in-depth the third, that Kara still practices her faith. (though that may be a strong word. How watching your world explode into a thousand tiny pieces as a child, and then being abandoned with aliens to be raised on a planet that despises your existence would affect your faith is a whole other essay). We also know from 1x14 that this death practice is incredibly important to the Kryptonian people. Non gives up his crusade for two weeks to observe the rites, a crusade he believes is the only salvation to Earth, and when questioned on whether or not Non will properly observe the mourning period Kara becomes very offended, saying “Do you think he is going to let his wife walk alone in the dark?”. The prayer for the dead also contains multiple allusions to bringing people home in the light and staving off darkness. 

This all brings me to the conclusion that, to a Kryptonian who worships a sun god, wouldn’t burial be the most horrific act to perform on the dead? We know from the 3x04 that Kryptonians can and do use candles and fire as a sort of replacement for sunlight. We can guess that pre-space flight Kryptonians would simply burn their dead. We know Kara doesn’t have a problem with humans burying other humans, we see her at funerals. But the real question I have is about Non. We don’t know whether or not Non survived the fight in the finale of season 1, but if he didn’t– which I choose to believe because it’s more in-line with Kara’s character in S1, S2 and S4 (we are ignoring the utterly random and weird ‘wait i don’t kill people’ in S3 because it was random and weird) and, like, his eyeballs got blown up– we never see Kara go through any kind of grieving rite. In season 1, Non begins the death rites within 24 hours of Astra’s death, and less than 12 hours after Non’s “fate”, Kara is home and having a party with her friends and family, and directly after that, Mon-El arrives. 

Sure, Kara could have just done the rites sometime when we weren’t watching but it’s just as likely that to her, Non no longer had the right to a Kryptonian funeral. Kryptonians had an honor based culture, and one where houses were everything. Non had done a bunch of, well, really shitty things, and had already been sentenced for murder and terrorism (a murder he actually committed even if the terrorism charge was less earned) before he arrived on Earth and attempted to murder his niece against orders (an action which indirectly led to his commanding officers death) and oh yeah attempted xenocide (not entirely sure whether to use xeno- or genocide here but they both work). If ANYTHING strips you of your right to honored rituals it has to be that. Beyond all of these things it is entirely up to Kara. A person who he 

A.) set a black mercy on 

B.) repeatedly tried to murder + her friends and family 

C.) forced the friends of whom to jump out a window, one of them to their deaths, 

D.) forced the sister of whom to try and kill her 

E.) had her martian friend stabbed and of course 

F.) tried to murder literally every friend and adopted family member she had.

After all of the pain he put her through, would it be so shocking then, that she chose to punish him for that the best way she knew how? 

Would it be so out of character that Kara sentenced the man who made her life a living hell to his own? Burying his body, and leaving him to rot in the cold and dark ground. 

Given how little Kara canonically discusses her faith and culture with others, even with Alex. Would anyone even know what she had done? And if Alex or J’onn did know, would they just not mention it and allow her the smallest of retributions for all that Non had done?

*******

This a headcannon of mine that has actually wormed its way into multiple of my fics, published and in progress, and one that I think invites thought. I might post more on how having a sun god would affect Kara’s perception of things (especially the phantom zone) but for now I hope people enjoy this.

Each of them had been affected by the Phantom’s fear visions to some degree, but in typical Super Friends fashion, they’d found the remedy to those fears in each other’s company.

It almost felt too normal, gathering at Kara’s apartment, playing board games, eating and drinking, laughing and pretending that the last few weeks had been nothing but a bad dream.

Nothing was that easy, though, no matter how hard they tried. After all, it didn’t escape Alex that Lena had more than overindulged in her fair share of scotch since her arrival, or that Nia had practically remained glued to Brainy’s side the whole afternoon, fiddling with the life projectors beneath his shirt as they lay curled against each other on the couch. Brainy held her just as tightly in return, as though he was afraid to let her go. It was clear he was way more on edge than normal, hyper-aware of his surroundings, startling at just about any loud noise. So much so that the pop from the champagne cork earlier that day had very nearly sent him reeling right out of the room. After that, Alex had put the group on a strict twist off cap rule for any future bottles that were to be opened in Brainy’s presence.

Alex knew that Kelly had seen something awful there as well, but her girlfriend had been doing everything to keep the morale of the team boosted, instead assuring her that she was working through it on her own terms, and that she wanted Alex to feel comfortable talking to her about her own nightmare as well.

As much as Alex wanted to take Kelly up on that offer - right now - sitting there with her friends, drink in hand and her sister’s head resting on her shoulder… this was how she was getting by. She didn’t need to talk it out, at least not in that moment. Being in the presence of her family, feeling the soft fibres of Kara’s cardigan between her fingers, this was more than enough to keep her fears at bay.

But, she knew that Kara was struggling.

- Cute! Of course! x

Adjusting to life back in National City had been far harder than Kara had anticipated.

Never was that more apparent than when she found herself alone.

Not that she’d been alone very much. Since her family had come to her rescue, Kara hadn’t really been permitted that much time to herself. Alex had been bringing over care packages that she and Kelly had put together almost three times daily, and that was only during the hours Kara was home. At work, it appeared it was Nia’s turn to play the role of overbearing minder. She’d been sticking to Kara’s side for just about every second of the workday. Kara thought it was kind of sweet, all things considered, it was just… Nia was about as subtle about it as a brick through the window - or Brainy when he’d turned up in CatCo’s elevator last year.

Speaking of Brainy, he was just about the only friend Kara hadn’t been seeing on a daily basis. Even Lena was making her rounds, trying to find any excuse to get Kara out of the apartment or – failing that – inviting herself over unprompted.

Kara appreciated everyone’s attention, she really did, but as she sat there on her couch, curled up in her comfiest cardigan and sweats combo on the first day off she’d had all week… she couldn’t help but feel some semblance of relief.

As much as she loved her family, she hated hurting them, and when her mask finally came crumbling down after days of keeping it plastered to her face, Kara knew that was exactly what she would have inadvertently caused.

Alex may have let her cry in her arms for a solid thirty minutes after she’d stumbled into J’onn’s Tower-turned-ship, and even seen her at her worst on the days that followed when she’d slept over for those first few terrifying nights… but Kara couldn’t bear to let her sister hold onto that weight for longer than it felt necessary. She was Supergirl, the hero National City looked up to, that even her friends looked up to, and she hated causing any of them the same kind of heartache that they’d felt in her absence.

So, yes, maybe the stillness of her apartment was kind of stifling. Maybe every shadow that jutted across her walls reminded her of the Phantoms that had loomed overhead in that awful alien dimension, but at least when she was alone, jumping at something so fiercely she scorched a wall, or grabbing a pillow so hard it exploded into feathers in her hands could be hidden from any prying eyes.

She would get through this eventually. She just needed time to sort out her head, to focus on the positives, to…

Kara was thrown from her thoughts somewhat abruptly when she heard three quick knocks at her apartment door.

She frowned, lowering the TV’s volume as she heaved herself from the blanket and pillow nest she’d made at the couch corner. She padded over to the door curiously, relaxing into her heightened sense of hearing just enough to pick up on two distinct heartbeats on the other side. Although, one was… far less human in nature than she had expected, which certainly raised a big question.

When she opened the door to find Brainy holding a cat out to her much in the same way someone might offer flowers, she got her answer.

‘Lena’s my friend’ she wants to say.  ‘She’s not a bad person.'  Except Lena did do all the things they’re angry about and their reasons for being angry seem valid.  Kara’s left with an uneasy feeling that she’s missing something.

Cat sees the stories within an hour of the original leak.  Her response is immediate.  After a long conversation with Olivia and a hasty search for a replacement Cat hands in her resignation and takes a private flight back to National City, networking all the way.  By the time her flight lands there’s an emergency board meeting scheduled for the next day, one that James and Lena don’t know anything about.  They’re surprised to see her, then furious.  The terms under which Lena was allowed to purchase a controlling interest in a multi billion dollar company so cheaply are quite clear - provided Cat has the money and isn’t in public service she can claim them back any time she likes - but that doesn’t prevent Lena from trying to stop the buy back.  The meeting gets ugly, but Cat doesn’t give her a choice and the board is on side.  They don’t all love her, but they like Cat (and the power of her brand, not exactly weakened by a stint as the WHPS) a lot better than a young and untried CEO who seems to treat the company as a hobby. Especially when that CEO is being investigated by the FBI.

Because the feds weren’t just sitting around while all this is happening.  Lena Luthor has possibly broken a bunch of federal laws and the DEO has apparently dropped the ball on investigating her.  The FBI are already opening a case file.

Lena doesn’t seem to know how to handle someone who simply refuses to let her browbeat or guilt trip them into submission.  Is that why she signed the contract, Cat wonders?  Did she think she could get her own way just by complaining?  Lena claims prejudice against Luthors.  Cat points out that it’s not prejudicial to be investigated for breaking the law when there’s quite a lot of evidence that you did, in fact, break the law. When the meeting gets out Kara is there, wide eyed and pale faced and Cat wishes, badly, that she had time to stop and explain, but she doesn’t.  There’s a lot that needs to be done and it needs to be done fast.

Her next meeting is with James.  Olsen is all pride and self-importance, clearly thinking this is an opportunity to badger her about the short sharp way she’s just dealt with Lena.  She expected so much better from him than this.

“You’re fired,” Cat tells him.

There’s yelling, all the usual words men call women who have power over them.

Cat has some things to say about people who run media conglomerates not reporting major stories.  Such as, for example, a powerful billionaire having secretly and illegally made their own stockpile of kryptonite with misappropriated funds and having lied during a criminal investigation.  There are also the illegal, unethical, unauthorised medical experiments (with no actual doctor involved) said not-so-hypothetical billionaire was running.  And James knew about it and didn’t report it.

It didn’t even occur to him that he should report it, Cat observes.  He’s so far gone there wasn’t even an ethical struggle.  Is it because Lena was his boss or his girlfriend?  She doesn’t accuse him of thinking with his dick.  She doesn’t have to.

She has a few observations to make about the amount of time he spends being Guardian when he’s supposed to be running her company, too.

James wonders why Kara gets special privileges.  She knew too, he says.  She’s hardly ever in the building because she’s being Supergirl.

Save the world a few times Cat tells him, then we’ll talk.  There’s a difference between having power come to you and feeling you have to put it to good use and chasing the thrill when you already have a job and power that you could use to change lives, Cat says.  And Kara is one very junior reporter (whose identity James just outed, by the way).  James is - was - responsible for setting the editorial tone for the whole damn company.  He has to be better because his choices affect everyone, affect CatCo’s entire output and determine what kind of information CatCo’s readers are getting.

Which brings her back to how his ass is fired.  Security are already waiting.

CatCo’s coverage of the scandal is unrelenting.  Cat has brought a new protege back from Washington with her, a woman named Nia Nal who ends up taking the lead on the story after an investigative piece that examines how Lex Luthor used Lexcorp resources in his campaign against Superman and questions to what degree those operations were repurposed by Lena.  What did she find out after she took over the company and how much did she keep to herself instead of reporting to the authorities?  Nia is sharp and incisive in her writing, more Lois Lane than Cat Grant in the way she reports but definitely Cat’s student in the way she dresses and acts and charms.  Kara is a little intimidated honestly – Nia is a year or two younger than her but feels ten years ahead in experience and confidence. And maybe a little jealous of her connection to Cat.  The timeline she assembles of Lena’s activities is damning.  So is the article she writes about the dangers involved in artificially synthesising Krytponite, happily unaware of Kara’s personal experience with both of the major incidents related to it.

When Lena is marched out of L-Corp in handcuffs, by FBI agents who are actually FBI agents, Kara watches from CatCo.  She doesn’t trust herself not to do something stupid if she was there in person and they are actual law enforcement officers doing their jobs.  Her conscience says to protect her friend.  Her conscience also says to respect the law.  It feels like being ripped in two.  It turns out that having private manufacturing capability for Kryptonite is a much bigger deal than Kara even realised – she’s surprised by how many laws Lena actually broke to make it.  It seems like half the government is involved.  The FBI of course and the IRS aren’t that surprising.  There was apparently some tricky bookkeeping involved in hiding the expense.  But OSHA? The EPA?  She doesn’t realise she spoke the thought aloud until Nia answers.

Well yeah, says Nia, Kyrptonite is an unstable radioactive element that doesn’t occur naturally and which scientists hardly know anything about.  There’s even some evidence that it might be dangerous to humans as well as Kryptonians. Experiments with it often go wrong.  Lena was working with the stuff in a building with thousands of occupants who had no clue it was there, with no oversight and only the safety regulations she felt like following.  Not to mention all the ways it could be abused.  What if criminals got hold of it and detonated a dirty kryptonite bomb in Metropolis or National City?  What if terrorists threatened Superman or Supergirl – beloved national icons – for leverage?  The role Supergirl and her cousin play in society makes an unregistered, unknown supply of Kryptonite a national security issue, Nia points out, although she adds that she has mixed feelings about letting the government have a monopoly on the stuff either.  Kara is reeling. She’s not used to thinking about herself in those terms, but she realises Nia has a point.  And it occurs to her, with a sinking feeling, that Lena can’t have been blind to all of this.

The trial is a nightmare.  Kara feels torn in every direction at once.  Alex is furious on her behalf and fights to stay calm because she knows Kara is heartbroken and her anger isn’t helping.  James turns state’s evidence to avoid charges of being an accessory after the fact.

Through it all Cat is her rock, even as the media rips Lena apart.  CatCo’s coverage is uncompromising, but Cat gives strict orders that they aren’t going to sink to the hysterical conspiracy theories about the Luthor family that every other rag in town is spouting.  All the while Cat counsels Kara, even when Kara lashes out, screams at her for the things CatCo is printing about Lena.  It’s true, Cat tells her, soft and sad and just hurting for Kara. Everything we’ve said is true. She did break the law.  She broke a lot of laws.  And lied about it in the course of a criminal investigation. CatCo will be fair.  If Lena is damned, she’ll be damned only with the facts, not with rumour or suspicion.  When she’s calmer Kara works up the nerve to ask her why she’s so understanding of Kara’s mixed feelings towards Lena, especially when she knows that Cat is furious about the conflict of interest Lena created by taking a position at CatCo in the first place (Kara’s heard more than one staffer speculate about Lena’s motivations for buying the media outlet with the close relationship to Supergirl in light of everything).

Cat takes her out onto the balcony and talks to her about unhealthy relationships.  Sometimes we love people who are bad for us, she says.  Sometimes we are loved by people who are bad for us.  That doesn’t mean the love isn’t real, only that it isn’t healthy.  Cat will never disrespect Kara’s emotions or say she’s not entitled to them.  She will encourage Kara to understand them and recognise what’s good and what isn’t, and leave what isn’t behind, but she’ll never tell Kara she’s not entitled to them.  No crying at work, Kara reminds her.  We’re not allowed to be angry.  That doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to feel them, Cat replies.  Only that there’s a time and a place to show them.  Then she asks Kara how her new junior editorial position is working out – the position Cat gently nudged her towards as soon as she found time after plotting CatCo’s response to the first wave of LuthorGate (Cat purely hates that name, but despite her best efforts it seems to have stuck).  Kara’s not sure if it’s for her yet, but in some ways it comes more easily than reporting did.  For now it’s a good place to have a little peace.

Then Lena takes the stand.  It’s a disaster.  The evidence of her illegal activities is incontrovertible, especially since she has outright declared much of what she did.  When confronted over why she broke the law, she insists that she was justified, that it was necessary, that she had to do it and only she could do it. Not once does she deny any of the crimes she’s accused of.  Instead she declares that she was right to commit them or that she had everything under control so there was nothing to worry about.  The prosecution press her.  Why?  Why was it necessary?  Why did it have to be her?  Eventually she has something that isn’t exactly a breakdown, it’s too calm and controlled for that, but a long declaration of the threat posed by aliens, the necessity of being prepared, whatever that takes, even if it means lethal force and dragging them lout of their homes.  They’re so dangerous, Lena says.  Earth has to be ready.  Just in case, she says.  Just in case.  Kara thinks about Alex when she was under the red kryptonite.  Thinks about how Alex would have killed her, if she had to, not in fear or anger but in love, because she knows Kara would want someone to stop her.  Lena is all fear and anger now.

It’s horrendous to witness, partly because she’s so calm, so certain, even as she spouts the language of fear and paranoia and hostility.  She’s speaking but those are Lillian’s words coming out, Kara thinks, and Lena doesn’t even realise it.

Then the defence call a surprise witness.  Cat Grant.  Cat recounts several encounters she had with Lillian when they were both a lot younger.  When Lena was a child.  She talks about how she saw Lillian treat Lena, the coldness, the manipulation, the steady stream of prejudice Lena was fed.  Cat is not the only witness to these events and not the one who saw the most – a stream of household staff, classmates of Lena’s and others are called. But Cat has the biggest impact – the woman who supported Supergirl from the start, who always had faith.  Kara hears what no one else can in Cat’s words and knows that Cat sees parallels between Lillian and Katherine. Being raised by Lillian Luthor was probably a lot like being raised by Katherine Grant, multiplied by a 100 and with sustained exposure to anti-alien bias thrown in.  

Kara describes kryptonite exposure in episode 3x18 as such: “…your skin feel(s) like it’s gonna be seared off your bones (and) like nails are running through your blood.” Furthermore, throughout the series, it’s been shown that kryptonite does not simply strip Kara of her super-human abilities, it actively harms and weakens her to a point beyond that of humans. When Kara is exposed to kryptonite, she often is unable to stand or remain upright, has difficulties with balance, and generally appears to be a in a great deal of pain.

Neurotoxins have various different mechanisms of action, but generally work by interfering with nerve cells. Depending on the specific target, different neurotoxins can have different effects on the body, ranging from paralysis, paresthesias (numbness, tingling, or burning sensations on the skin), nausea, vomiting, variations in blood pressure, variations in heart rate, convulsions, loss of coordination, vertigo, muscle aches… the list goes on and on. Many of these symptoms of neurotoxin poisoning are consistent with the symptoms Kara describes when exposed to kryptonite. 

When exposed, Kara describes paresthesias (“…your skin feel like it’s gonna be seared off your bones”) and possible muscles aches (“nails are running through your blood”). She has also demonstrated symptoms of vertigo, loss of coordination, and postural syncope (a fancy way of saying someone faints because their blood pressure is low and they can’t get enough blood to their brain, so they feel lightheaded and collapse). (If we’re going for nerdy specifics, Kara’s symptoms seem most similar to ciguatoxin exposure.)

So, if kryptonite is like a neurotoxin, what’s the big fuss? Well, neurotoxins can be and have been weaponized as nerve agents (i.e. sarin, soman, VX, and tabun).

Nerve agents are a class of chemical weapon and considered weapons of mass destruction.

And as most people would want, weapons of mass destruction are highly regulated. The Geneva Protocol (signed by the League of Nations in 1925) literally has a “Protocol for the Prohibition of the Use in War of Asphyxiating, Poisonous or Other Gases, and of Bacteriological Methods of Warfare.” This protocol was signed because of the devastating effects and agonizing suffering caused by the use of chemical weapons in WWI. Chemical weapons such as cyanide (as part of Zyklon B gas) were also used in during WWII in Nazi concentration camps for extermination.

Even within the category of chemical weapons, nerve agents are known to be particularly dangerous. As a Schedule 1 chemical there is “little or no use for peaceful purposes in commercial or industrial activities.” These compounds are strictly regulated, can only be used for research, and only limited quantities may be possessed by countries.

Kryptonite is NOT the same as fire or cars. Fire and cars are not immediately dangerous substances. Sure, they have the potential to hurt others, but it isn’t their primary function. The primary function of kryptonite is to hurt and kill Kryptonians. By definition, it is a “Schedule 1 chemical.” And within the show, Kryptonite has been treated as controlled substance since S1, when it was demonstrated that the only people who had access to kryptonite were government agencies and terrorist groups. To get his hands on it, Max Lord was not able to simply buy kryptonite (and given his fortune, he should have otherwise easily been able to), but had to attempt to synthesize it himself.

Despite it’s in-universe status as a form of chemical warfare, Supergirl and the DEO decide to expose Reign to kryptonite. What gives?

Admittedly, this does wade into morally ambiguous territory. Purposeful use of chemicals as weapons is explicitly banned by the Geneva Protocol and the Chemical Weapons Convention. However, The Geneva Protocol and U.S. policy on chemical weapons “allows nations to reserve the right to retaliate with chemical weapons,” though “first use/preemptive use” is prohibited. Given the fact it’s explicitly stated that Reign is “declaring war on criminality in National City… against the entire justice system,” it can be argued that Reign declared war on the United States and struck first. Assuming the President gave permission to the DEO to use kryptonite when it’s necessary, use of kryptonite against Reign to subdue her can be justified. The important part here is that kryptonite’s use is strictly regulated. And like other chemical weapons, the creation of kryptonite should be controlled. Not just anyone can use it, and it can only be used under specific circumstances after special consideration is given. 

Kara, and Kryptonians in general, deserve the right to not be exposed to chemical warfare unless it’s absolutely necessary. Kara’s reaction to kryptonite is and should be one of horror.

but either way, i think one thing would be abundantly clear: percy is her family. not them. at least, not in the ways that matter.

mr. and mrs. chase have probably only ever seen annabeth with her walls up. never letting her guard down. she’s always tough around them, and never lets herself become trusting of them. because she has to protect herself from letting them hurt her again. as a young child, she felt unloved and resented by them enough that she preferred the cold dangerous streets to being with them. so even if their relationship begins to grow better - and i really do think it gets good eventually - she’s careful around them. she protects herself, and therefore isn’t super warm and fuzzy around them. since she’s grown up, there’s a good chance they’ve never seen her show true emotion. they’ve probably never seen a true smile from her. they’ve probably never seen her lean on someone.

but then she brings percy. they would see that the 14 year old little boy who they once met grew up into a tall, striking, intimidating young man. he has the same look in his unique sea green eyes that makes you know he’s been through horrible trauma. he’s carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. (literally). the rest of him may appear 18, but his eyes look 100 years old. he’s the first person they’ve really known who is like annabeth in that way.

and here’s the thing: percy and annabeth are a team. there’s an unbreakable bond between them. they move and fight as one. they are best friends in the whole world, and it’s clear to anyone who sees them. but they are also hopelessly in love, and that’s also clear to anyone who sees them. so imagine annabeth’s family, who’ve only ever known her to be distinctly independent and closed off, seeing her and percy holding hands. seeing them sit so close together that they’re nearly on top of each other. seeing her put her hand on his arm and kiss his cheek, or seeing him wrap his arms around her and gently kiss her forehead. and nevermind the touches, imagine them seeing her just look at him. a look full of vulnerability and adoration and complete trust. full of love and warmth and emotion. because that’s who annabeth really is. she’s emotional and sensitive and warm. but she’s always had to be someone else around her family, because in her mind, the true her wasn’t good enough for them.

i'm talking, more specifically, about annabeth telling percy not to use his (for lack of a better word) bloodbending ever again?

cuz i feel like that was sooo ooc for her!

especially cuz of the fact that she's known she was a demigod for like forever and managed to survive a year out in the wild with thalia and luke. so she definitely knows that anything that demigods can use to tip the scales in their favour is free game, so i don't understand why she reacted the way she did

(sorry if i was rambling)

I think this is one of those scenes where there are just too many factors involved for us to be totally objective. Both Percy and Annabeth were completely valid in how they acted and what they said. They were in horrible mental and physical states. Percy even said he felt like something inside him snapped when it happened—so clearly, he wasn’t acting like his usual self. Annabeth saw that, and it scared her.

Personally, I think Percy was fully within his rights to do what he did. (And yeah, I also think it was cool as hell.) That goddess was going to kill them and make them suffer. The gods have already messed with his life so much, and he was done. They’d hit his last nerve. In my opinion, Akhlys deserved it. So yeah—what he did was totally justifiable.

That said, Annabeth was already completely terrified and worn down by Tartarus. Seeing Percy—her safe person, the sweetest guy she knows—do something like that was understandably upsetting. It probably reminded her of Luke, too. And I really don’t think it was the act of turning Akhlys’ poison back on her that bothered Annabeth. Percy does something similar in Wrath of the Triple Goddess, when he reverses the paralyzing potion Phaedra throws at Annabeth and paralyzes Phaedra instead—and Annabeth doesn’t seem bothered at all. If anything, it’s kind of implied she’s impressed. He also manipulates his and Grover's bodily fluids to save them from poison (and accidentally dehydrates them lol) and again, it's not a problem. So no—it wasn’t the turn-poison-back-on-the-posioner action itself. It was the fact that Percy was enjoying it. Akhlys was shrieking and wailing and choking... and Percy looked like he was getting satisfaction out of it. That’s what scared Annabeth. Especially in the nightmare environment of Tartarus, when her anxiety was already through the roof.

Also, earlier in Tartarus, after he kills Arachne, Percy says “she died too easily” and “she deserved worse.” Annabeth internally notes that his tone unsettled her and that she was glad Arachne died quickly. Arachne—who was her own personal nightmare... So yeah, Percy was already being affected by Tartarus (which he later admits), and Annabeth saw that happening. She loves Percy exactly the way he is. She doesn’t want him going dark like Luke did.

I genuinely don’t understand how people are calling her abusive for being scared. Like… god forbid a 17-year-old girl in the toxic depths of hell shows fear because her sweet boyfriend is suddenly smiling as he tortures someone?? Yeah, it was Percy—someone she knows and loves—but he wasn’t acting like himself. And there’s nothing scarier than seeing someone you love become unrecognizable, even for a moment.

One more thing I want to add. People act like Annabeth treated him like a monster afterward, but here’s what actually happened:

Annabeth stumbled toward him. She looked like a corpse wreathed in smoke, but she felt solid enough when she gripped his arms.

"Percy, please don’t ever…” Her voice broke in a sob. “Some things aren’t meant to be controlled. Please.”

His whole body tingled with power, but the anger was subsiding. The broken glass inside him was beginning to smooth at the edges.

Then… they move on. It comes up a few more times individually, but not between the two of them.

She was obviously scared, heartbroken, incredibly anxious and traumatized—from everything—but she wasn’t trying to hurt him or call him a bad person. She just wanted him to come back to her. And he wasn’t himself—he says that. You have to remember: this was right after it happened. Annabeth didn’t know he was going to stop. She didn’t know he was going to come back. For all she knew, that could’ve been his breaking point. He might’ve gone full dark mode, never to be himself again. Like Luke.

She wasn’t yelling or lashing out—she used logic, touch, and a gentle voice to reach him. And it worked. He came back. But she had no way of knowing he would. So how else was she supposed to react in that moment? Calmly? Gracefully? Tell him “nice torturing skills!”?? It doesn’t matter that he saved them. It still scared her. She’s allowed to feel that way. Just like he was allowed to lash out and turn some of his pain back on the goddess. They were both shaken up by it. It was a terrible situation they were forced into.