Skullz

You loved Shauna’s fingers, you loved Shauna’s mouth, but… 

You were also curious. 

Sometimes, you’d stare at Shauna’s back muscles when you showered together, or her strong legs on the soccer field. Maybe her faint abs were more apparent at the beach in the sun, and the sheen on her skin made you flush, and your mind wander. 

Your sex life was great– perfect, even. But was it so wrong to want a little more? To be able to feel Shauna filling you up with more than just her fist. To really take you.

To watch her back as she rolled her hips, to watch how her teeth caught her lip as she guided the strap into you. To dig your heels into her hips as she pounded you into the mattress. 

It wasn’t an odd request by any means, but you knew that Shauna got a little shy when she tried new things. She was usually so bold, begging to eat you out, slipping a hand below your waistband and into your underwear, kissing your neck, and feeling up your chest unprompted. 

You had brought up the request about a week ago, and both of you picked one out online. 

You thought Shauna might be hesitant— you knew she wouldn’t refuse, but you didn’t expect her only request to be the color. She was firm on not wanting anything pink. 

You had chuckled at her only stipulation, filtering out ‘pink’ from the search bar as you scrolled through the various toys.

You decided on a beginner one. It was dark green, around six inches long, and thick, but not too thick. You wanted to start off basic, maybe advancing into fancier ones as you became more experienced. But for now? This was the one.

It was intimidating, looking at everything laid out on the screen, but still, you added it to your cart, awaiting the day it would come. 

Which was why, now, Shauna stood in front of you with it dangling between her legs.

“Do I look stupid?” she asked, uncertainty creeping in. 

It was still a little moist from when you washed and dried it, cleaning it after traveling through the mail, the droplets sticking to the silicone. 

“No, you look hot,” you beckoned her over, looking up at her as you lay resting on your elbows, lower back against the mattress. 

“Don’t lie,” she looked down, moving her hips back and forth, side to side, swaying it around. “This is so un-sexy.” 

You sat up, rolling your eyes. “Because you’re not doing anything yet. C’mere, you look good.” 

She finally stepped near you, more cautious than normal. She knew that you would never laugh or make fun of her, but she also never imagined herself with a silicone dildo between her legs and a harness around her waist and thighs. 

Well, maybe she had, but just in passing. Never the real awkwardness of any of it. Not the tugging at the straps in the bathroom, getting the harness to sit right while you waited patiently on the bed.

“Are you sure?” she asked, standing between your spread legs, the strap nearly at your chest because of the difference in height. 

Considering the strap was your idea, you had let Shauna pick out something else. She wanted to make it pleasurable for you, so she ventured into the lube section. 

She felt bold in the moment, but now looking back, she wasn’t so sure. 

She eyed the bedside table, sighing. “I don’t think you’re gonna like it.” 

“The lube?” you questioned. 

Honestly, you thought Shauna would just go for the most basic one after reading a few reviews. 

But as she walked over to the drawer, walking a little funny from the weight between her legs, she pulled out a pinkish bottle. 

“It’s, um,” she handed it to you. 

“Strawberry?” You examined it, opening the lid to give it a quick sniff. 

“Is that bad?” she asked, biting the cuticle on her thumb. “I don’t know, I guess I was feeling adventurous after we picked out the strap and—” 

“It’s not bad,” you cut her off when your eyes met hers again. “I like it.”

“You do?” she asked, obviously relieved. 

She seemed to loosen at that, sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning on her left hand. 

“Mhm,” you hummed. “I think it’s perfect. You know what else I think is perfect?” 

“Hm?” she questioned, already knowing, but welcoming the added praise. 

“My girlfriend.”

“Oh yeah?” she asked coyly. “What’s so great about her?” 

“She has these big brown eyes,” you started, dramatizing it all a bit with a wave of your hands, dreamily. “And long, pretty hair, and a…” 

Shauna quirked up her brow, noticing your hesitation. “A what?” 

“Nothing,” you flushed a bit. “I was gonna talk about the strap.” 

“What about it?” she asked, leaning a bit closer to you. 

“How it’s big,” you swallowed, looking into Shauna’s darkened eyes. “How thick you are.” 

Shauna’s mouth parted as you talked about it as if it were real. Suddenly, the air in the room felt thicker.

“Yeah?” Shauna asked, grabbing the bottle of lube back. “And you want me?” 

“Yeah,” you said, much more breathy. 

Shauna popped open the cap to the lube, squeezing some out on her palm. She threw the bottle off to the side, still on the bed, but neither of you really cared where it landed. 

“Are you gonna watch me put it on?” she asked, feeling the lubricant on her hand before stroking the strap.

You nodded, completely enthralled.

Shauna was making sure the whole thing was wet, down to the base, treating it like it was attached to her and sensitive the way her hips moved as she stroked it. 

“Lie back?” she said, a half-question, but not a command, since she knew you’d comply eagerly. 

You scooted up on the bed, spreading your legs a bit more as you waited. You’d been unclothed from the waist down for a while, since Shauna had disappeared to figure out the harness on her own, so you were more than ready. But still, Shauna had the strap absolutely smothered in lube, wanting to avoid any discomfort. 

She positioned herself above you first, leaning down to give you a quick kiss. 

Her hand brushed across your cheek, landing atop your head where she played with a few stray strands. She twirled your hair, her tongue entering your mouth, as her hips moved restlessly in the air. 

“Shauna…” you tried.

She came up for air, licking her lips, pupils blown out. “You want it now?” 

You nodded for what felt like the millionth time, hoping she’d get the hint that all the waiting had been driving you crazy. You knew that she liked to tease you, but this was cruel. You’d been wet since you soaped up the strap in the sink, pumping it to rinse it off the suds, but accidentally picturing Shauna wearing it while you did so. Jerking her off, pumping her good… 

She got the hint at your dazed look, lifting her hips so she could glance down at the strap more efficiently. 

She took it in her hands, feeling the slippery silicone. 

“Tell me if it’s too much?” she checked in, sitting up a bit more to slap the cock twice against your folds.

It made you gasp, biting your lip instinctually. It was embarrassing, honestly, how worked up you had gotten without Shauna even entering you. 

She gripped the base, lining herself up fully, before pressing in a bit. 

“Good?” she asked, holding back. 

The tip was barely in, but you knew she wanted to make this good. “Yeah,” you replied. “Keep going.” 

She pushed in a bit further, rocking in and out as she kissed you slowly. 

When your mouth opened, her lips sucking on your plump bottom lip, she pushed in all the way, thrusting shallowly as you got used to the feel. 

“Fuck, baby,” you said, hands balled in her shirt. 

“Feel good?” she asked, kissing you quickly. “Can I move?” 

You hummed in the affirmative, and her hips started moving slowly. Her thrusts were still slow and controlled, but eventually, she pulled almost all the way out before pushing back in.

The strap wasn’t too big, so it was as full as Shauna’s four fingers typically were when she fucked you deep, thumb on your slippery clit. 

Now, though, her hands were free to grab your tits, tangle in your hair, and push into your awaiting mouth. 

You sucked on her two fingers as she quickened her pace, her body rolling as she sank into you again and again. 

“You’re so fucking tight,” she said, voice different than usual.

Your eyes widened a bit. Her voice was huskier, her words were filthier. She was talking with much less restraint, much less reverence. Like she just wanted to sink back in faster to chase the feeling and watch the wetness coat her as she spoke. 

“What?” she asked, noticing. She took her fingers from your mouth, a string of spit chasing the sudden gesture. 

Her movement slowed a bit, so you spoke before she stopped fully, “No, nothing, just… I like how you’re talking.” 

“Yeah?” she pushed into you again. “Do you like how I’m fucking you, too?” 

You bit your lip— she noticed immediately.

“You like when I’m buried inside you?” 

Your eyes fluttered shut as she hoisted your leg up, properly fucking you, her strap sliding in and half out of your soaked folds. 

You felt like you were fading in and out of reality, the sensations too much. You felt yourself shaking and clenching on her fake dick. 

“Taking my cock so well.” “Fuck, good girl, hear that?”  “I love your pussy, baby.”

She spoke as she drove into you, her thighs slapped your skin as she bottomed out every time, every roll of her hips meant six more inches of her dick into your fluttering cunt and another string of filthy words from your (now, overly confident) girlfriend. 

Shauna got like this sometimes when you squirted for her or when you came multiple times, but she must’ve really loved watching you squeeze against her dick if she was this worked up, practically fucking you into the mattress. 

“Baby, I’m…” you warned, cut off by a moan. 

“Me too,” she replied. “I wish I could come inside you. Fill you up, fuck.”

It wasn’t double-ended, so Shauna was basically coming untouched just from fucking you with her strap.

It turned you on even more, just knowing how lost she got in it, and soon your walls were fluttering around her, and you were squeezing the toy as you saw white. 

You cried out, legs shaking harder as you came around her cock. Shauna let out a groan, too, burying her face in your neck as she slowed, helping you ride out your orgasm. 

The two of you breathed for a bit, coming back down to Earth before Shauna started placing little kisses along your hairline. 

“You know,” you started, chest still heaving. “You could.” 

Shauna slowed her kisses. She was still inside, but she shifted to get a better look at you. “Could what?” 

“Come inside of me,” you said, as if it were a casual conversation. “They make toys for that.”

Shauna licked her lips, obviously turned on all over again just from the thought. 

“Turn over,” she said, already rejuvenated. “I wanna fuck you again.” 

Shauna was out of control. You knew this deep down. You could see your girlfriend spiraling more and more each day. Things that used to bring her some sort of peace seem to no longer have any impact. She’s been lashing out at everyone. Getting violent with some of the other girls. Cruel even.

Yet, you can’t really blame her. Not fully. She lost her best friend over a petty argument. It wasn’t her fault, Jackie had it all wrong. Yet you’ve heard the whispers saying otherwise. Rumors staring out of boredom. And what you all did with Jackie’s body…it will never leave you. Especially Shauna….but at least that is something she was able to chalk up to survival. But then there was Javi. Javi reminded Shauna of her little brother back home. She had grown pretty close to him. And they made her butcher his corpse. You tried to do it for her, begged her to let you. But Shauna made you go back in the cabin.

Shauna was your protector, even back in Wiskayok. She never let anyone mess with you. Whether that was at school, on the soccer field, or even with your messed up family life. Shauna always came to save you. When the plane crashed, it was Shauna who pried the broken pieces away and carried you off. It was Shauna who stayed awake all night with you, when you were too scared to sleep. It was Shauna who made sure you had clean water and gave you some of her rations, when you got sick. It was Shauna that dragged you down the attic ladder and outside when the cabin caught on fire, making sure the thing she loved the most made it out. It was Shauna who got you out of the caves. It was Shauna. It’s always been Shauna who saved you, protected you, and loved you.

Which is what makes it so hard seeing what is happening in front of you each day. The other girls have begged you to do something. But realistically, what can you do? You’ve tried talking, bargaining, pleading. It no longer makes much of a difference. You don’t understand why they want you to be some kind of leader now.

You’re adding sticks to the fire, lost in thought when you hear the unmistakable voice of Natalie, exasperated.

“For fucks sake Shauna, you held a knife to her throat!?”

That certainly got your attention. You stood up and turned around, only to see Shauna and Nat just feet from each-other, with Melissa, Gen, and Mari a few feet behind Nat.

“I told her to stay the fuck away from me. It’s not my fault she can’t listen”, Shauna spat at Nat.

Nat, bewildered threw her hands up, “that doesn’t mean you put a knife to someone’s throat Shau-“.

“I was just walking and she attacked me, she’s fucking crazy!” Melissa interrupted Nat.

“Yeah Shipman, thought you weren’t allowed to have sharp objects or shoelaces?”. Mari…why does Mari always have to open her mouth?

Unsurprisingly to everyone around, Shauna made a bee line for Mari after that comment.

Nat cut Shauna off with her body, looking to you “um y/n a little help here would be great”.

You quickly closed the gap and got in front of Shauna, putting your hands on her biceps.

“Shauna! Hey calm down, she’s not worth it. Leave it. Come on”

Shauna was still trying to shove Nat out of the way, careful to not push you. It may have not been as apparent to anyone else, but despite her increasingly erratic behavior, Shauna has never laid a hand on you. She is usually mindful of her words with you still too. If her anger bleeds over to you, she quickly softens. She makes it known that you are not the source or target of her anger. Never you.

“Shauna!” She finally snaps her eyes away from Mari and to you.

“Let go of me” is all she says.

“I’m not going to do that”

Shauna stares at you. Her eyes have that wild look that seems to be more common than not lately. Her nostrils flare. You’re not afraid of Shauna, but you’d be lying if you said you weren’t a bit intimidated right now.

“Y/n. Let. Go.”

You gave Shauna your best pleading look, and squeezed her arms just a little. Just as you thought you had gotten through to her,

“Oh watch out, Shipman might slice and dice her girlfriend next”

Fuck. Well so much for that.

You hold your breath. You see Nat squeeze her eyes and whisper a “fuck” underneath her breath. You drop your hands from Shauna’s arms. You know there’s no point now.

Shauna charges through you and Nat, and her fist connects with Melissa’s in an instant. She’s on top of her in a flash, her fist colliding with Melissa’s face repeatedly. Mari and Gen try to get Shauna off of Mel, but Shauna is in a fury. They manage to push her back a little, enough to stop the punches. At this point, Tai and Travis intervene, dragging Shauna off Mel.

Tai, taking her shot at being a voice of reason, “alright Shauna, you made your point. That’s enough!”

Shauna meets Tai’s eyes, breathing heavy. She doesn’t argue with Tai. Then she looks back to Nat, “Keep that bitch away from me, or she’ll find out what slice and dice looks like”. She shoves out of Travis’ grip, the boy probably still high on whatever concoction he and Lottie ingested that day anyways. Shauna gives one more glare to the blonde girl bleeding on the ground, Mari and Gen at her side trying to clean her up, before stomping away towards your shared hut.

You sigh, looking at Tai. She gives you a slight shake of the head and a small apologetic smile. You turn towards your hut, hoping your girlfriend will be calmer with you.

You pull the makeshift cloth door to the side and enter your shared space. Shauna is still standing, facing away from you, the adrenaline clearly not worn off yet. You don’t speak at first. You just study her for a moment. You take a few steps closer to her.

“Shauna” you say quietly.

“I don’t need a lecture” she says instantly. But there’s not a lot of bite to it.

“I wasn’t going to give one. Can I see your hand? Please?”

“It’s fine”

“You’re bleeding”

Shauna just huffs and sits down on your bed area. You take that as a sign that she’ll cooperate.

You kneel down in front of her, gently grabbing her right hand, gauging her reaction. She doesn’t fight you.

You see some cuts and bruises already forming. Blood covering her knuckles, though you’re not sure how much of that is hers, and how much is Melissa’s.

You reach over and grab one of your tshirts and a cup of water that was laying around. Using them both, you gently clean off Shauna’s hand. She doesn’t flinch when you pat the cuts. She just blankly stares. The only thing she says to you is, “you’ll stain your shirt”. Which you really couldn’t care less about.

When you’re done, you set the water and shirt off to the side. You put a hand up to Shauna’s face, cradling her jaw.

“She shouldn’t have said that. But -”

Shauna’s eyes snapped up to yours “there’s no but. What am I supposed to do, just let her fucking say something like that?!”

You drop your hand and instead opt for lightly rubbing her shoulder with your thumb. You keep your voice calm and quiet. “Lower your voice. I’m not saying that”.

“Then what are you saying?”, Shauna asks in a quieter tone than before, though still noticeably irritated.

You sigh. “Why did you even pull a knife on her to begin with?”

“What does it matter, it’s not like you’ll believe me anyways”

“Shauna”

Shauna shrugs your hand away and lays down turning away from you. You know not to push anymore tonight. You can tell she’s angry still. And she’s silently giving you an out.

The next morning you wake up to find Shauna already gone. You sigh and get dressed for the day. You know she got up early to avoid talking to you. Usually, you’d give her grace and understanding. But today, you’re just irritated. What more are you expected to do? She put a knife to someone’s throat and you were still willing to hear her out for gods sake.

You walk out of the hut and the first thing you see is Lottie and Travis sitting by the fire. Lottie stares at you with that unsettling look she always has. You know Shauna would be mad if she saw you talking to her, but you can’t find it in you to care right now. You sit down next to them, and grab a cup of whatever tea was made this morning, breakfast is still cooking. Before taking a sip, you glance over at Lottie, “you didn’t make this, did you?” You ask, only half joking.

Lottie shakes her head, “no, Misty did”.

That’s really not much better. You think to yourself.

You take a sip anyways, too tired to care. Van and Tai join you by the fire. Van trying to obviously lighten the mood from last night.

“Ew you’re drinking Misty’s tree water? I thought she only made special tea for coach” which earned her a jab from Tai and a chuckle from yourself.

After a while, you decide to join Akilah in feeding the animals. You can see why she likes that role. The animals aren’t aggravating like people can be.

The day goes on, the normal routines falling into place. Except you still are growing more irritated. Shauna has clearly been avoiding you. She made sure you ate, like she always does. But any real conversation was nonexistent. It was driving you crazy. She was acting like you were the problem here.

The sun was setting and you were coming back up from the lake, just in time for dinner, a bucket of water for the night by your side. You had spilled some water on you, so you went back to your hut to change your shirt before you ate. Just as you pulled one of Shauna’s sweat shirts over your head, you heard it.

“I fucking warned you bitch!” Followed by incoherent yelling.

You quickly rushed out of your hut to once again find Melissa and Mari standing toe to toe with Shauna.

You see everyone start to make their way to the commotion. You really have had enough of this. Everyone is being useless and they expect you to magically solve this.

You shove your way into the middle of the arguing and loudly say “alright, enough!”

That works for about three whole seconds. Mari and Melissa start yelling about how Shauna shoved Mari and threatened Mel again. Shauna says they were following her. You don’t really care at this point.

“ENOUGH!” You put your hands up in front of Mari and Mel. Shauna is behind you. They get quiet this time at least.

“I’m so sick of this. Just stop. Leave it alone. Stop adding onto it.”

“Shauna shoved me down!” Mari cried out. Melissa stood there quietly for one, her face sporting the marks from the precious night.

“Maybe if you weren’t following me” Shauna sneed from behind you.

You feel your blood boiling. Everyone acting like children. Like there’s not more important things that need to be done. You can’t take it anymore. Fine. If people want you to do something about it, you will. They want the leader? They’ll get it.

In the most even tone you can muster, keeping your back to her, you say, “Shauna, shut up”.

Shauna keeps pressing on, “I told you to stay away from -”

You spin around and are maybe 12 inches from Shauna’s face, when you yell, cutting her off,

“SHAUNA. SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Emphasizing each word.

Shauna immediately falters, never hearing you raise your voice in the all the time you’ve been together. You maintain eye contact with her. Shauna is about two inches taller than you. But the look you’re giving her right now, her face drops. The doe eyes that you haven’t seen in what feels like ages make their way to her face. She looks like someone kicked her puppy. Shauna stays quiet as you finally break eye contact, turning back to the other two. Everyone else has gone silent as well.

“I really don’t give a fuck if Shauna shoved you. You shouldn’t have been following her. Melissa I don’t know why she held a knife to you yesterday. But are you really surprised your face looks like that from the comment you made later? If you want Shauna to leave you alone, then stop fucking with her!”

“But she-”

“No! I don’t fucking care. You’re all wrong, so give it a fucking rest already. You don’t have to be best friends, but stop whatever this shit is. If you two are bored and have nothing better to do, go piss each other, leave Shauna out of it”

“Well who is to say she won’t leave us alone first!” Mari pushed her luck one more time.

“Me. That’s who”. That was enough to make Mari shut up. At least for the time being. You were still running hot, and everyone else just standing there was going to hear your mind too.

“Are you all fucking kidding me? This is pathetic”

You turn to Nat, who has been silent this whole time. “You’re supposed to be the Captain or the Antler Queen or whatever the fuck we’re calling it these days. And you’ve let all of this pile up. You want people to respect you Nat? Then do something about it! Nat lowered her head a little. She knew you were right.

You turned to Tai and Van. They’re yours and Shauna’a best friends, so you don’t want to lay into them too much. “Same with you two. You want people to take you seriously Tai? Make real plans and follow through.”

You catch sight of Lottie. Travis was to her right and Akilah to her left. You can see that Travis was once again stoned out of his mind. “You” you say to Lottie. “I don’t care if you want to spend your time worshiping the fucking trees or whatever it is you do out there.” She went to say something, but you cut her off, “But it stays out there. Keep your fucking tree cult out of the camp. And keep him” you point at Travis “under control. Stop freaking everyone out with your weird shit. And start pulling your weight. You two don’t get a free pass just because you’re talking to the dirt or whatever the fuck”. You look at Akilah, “and Akilah is done. Leave her out of it”. The girl had told you about going out with Lottie and Travis, and how she drank Lottie’s tea and freaked out. She didn’t want to go anymore, but was too timid to say anything.

“Y/n the wilderness speaks to Akilah, it’s up to her to communicate” Lottie tries

“No! It’s up to me now to stop it. And I am. Do whatever the fuck you want Lottie, but Akilah is done with it.” You lightly pull Akilah away from Lottie and guide her over towards Tai and Van. She gives you a soft “thank you” as she passes.

You turn and bump into Misty.

“And you. What the fuck have you been doing?”

“N-nothing y/n. Well, not nothing. Supplies, wood gathering, our medical inventory, you know” Misty rambled on a bit more but you cut her off.

“So no poisoning anyone? No surprise surgeries? Fighting? Arguing? Kidnapping?”

“No y/n!” Misty stammered out

“Well…good. Good.” You said a little surprised. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but everyone should be more like Misty” you announced loudly to the group. Misty just smiled. The girl always admired you.

You again addressed everyone calming down a little, “Guys we have GOT to get it together. Do you not feel it getting colder at night? Do you not remember last winter? We need to prepare. We need to be a team. Arguing and fighting each other is just going to get us all killed.” You words were harsh. But they were true. The group acknowledged that. Everyone needed to do better.

You turned, ready to be done with this for the night. You walked right up to Shauna. “Go. Now”. And lightly pushed her towards your hut. She went without any argument. Not even a huff or glare.