SinisterSerpent

When you started dating Jackie, it was a slow progression. A surprise kiss at a party developed into an uncertain period of courting. There was an initial casualness about it that left your mind wondering. 

Falling for Shauna was anything but. 

There was no wave of awkwardness that is sometimes present with new romantic interests. But then again, Shauna wasn’t just a romantic interest to you. She was something more. Your relationship was still undefined, yet it felt like an unspoken feeling had made itself clear between you two. 

After your talk, you spent a lot of time just observing Shauna, taking her all in. In the mornings, she usually wakes up before you. She never went downstairs until you opened your eyes. Whether it was whatever was passed off as tea or the little food you had, Shauna always grabbed you a portion. If Lottie was acting extra…Lottie…Shauna would intervene without drawing attention to you. She would distract you from Jackie. If she noticed you were feeling extra down that day, she would make sure Van, Tai, or Nat were around before she had to go off somewhere. 

The thing is, Shauna hadn’t changed any of her behavior. None of this is new. She’s been treating you with such care and kindness this entire time, and you never noticed. You wouldn’t say you were taking it for granted exactly, but you didn’t realize the depth of it. The way Shauna’s eyes soften when she looks at you. The gentleness of her voice when she speaks. How she stands for you, and never against you. 

You were sitting in the meat shed on your designated stool. Having nothing to butcher, Shauna was just sharpening her knife. The shed provided a space for you two to get away for a little bit sometimes. She was sitting on a log, focused on sharpening the blade in her hands. You were intently staring at her every move. You watched the way she slid the edge of the blade across the flat rock. How her dark brown eyes were lasered in on her own movements. You were so distracted by looking at her, you didn’t notice the sounds of the objects colliding had stopped. 

Her hand waving in front of your face snapped you out of it, making you quickly blink a few times. She had a small smirk on her face when she saw your cheeks begin to flush, realizing you had been staring at her. 

“I didn’t think knife sharpening was that interesting” 

“Everything you do is interesting” you shrug, trying to okay it off. 

She gives a small chuckle, “Yeah, okay” 

You unintentionally keep looking at her, your eyes scanning her face. The close attention makes Shauna a little shy, her own cheeks getting a little red. 

“Why are you staring at me?” She asks. 

You let out a long breath, “Shauna I…I couldn’t imagine being here without out” 

She gave you a small smile, “Well, you don’t have to” 

“You don’t even know how great you really are, do you?” you ask her quietly. 

She makes a disbelieving face. 

“I’m not that great” she says a little sarcastically. 

“You are. You’ve always been. I wish I would have appreciated it sooner” 

“Hey…” 

You shake your head a little, “I’ll never make that mistake again” 

She gives you a small smile that makes your heart swell. 

Unfortunately, not everyone shares your sentiment. You’re pretty sure most of the team has at least somewhat of an inkling that there’s something going on between yourself and Shauna. 

You’re sitting in the cabin later that day, crossed legged on the padded bench by the window. You had your thick black coat thrown across your lap, tired of feeling the extra amount of layers on you at all times. You took off your hat and makeshift earband to give your head a break as well. Shauna reached over and touched your hair, making a joke about your insane hat hair that made you laugh.

By the fireplace, Jackie was glaring holes into the pair of you. She watched Shauna’s fingers slide through your hair. The way you laughed at whatever she said. She watched as you stood up from your spot on the bench. Her jaw clenched as she saw you place your jacket over Shauna’s lap. Jackie’s hazel eyes followed your every move as you made your way over to the pot of tea, getting two cups of the liquid. You didn’t even give her a glance before you made your way back over to the bench and handed Shauna a cup, which she accepted with a smile. You made no effort to take back your jacket. You just sat there beside her. Close to her. 

“Yikes” Mari said with raised eyebrows, watching the interaction from across the room. Gen quickly elbowed her in the side, telling her to shut up.

Eventually you get tired of sitting there, deciding to brave the outside again for a little while. Shauna stands first, holding up your jacket for you. You thank her as you put it on. She moves to return your now empty cups to the table near the fireplace. 

A scoff grabs her attention. 

“You just can’t help yourself, can you?” 

Shauna looks up to see Jackie glaring at her. 

“Excuse me?” Shauna retorts. 

“Oh please. Drop the innocent act”

“I’m not doing this with you” 

“No, you’d rather just do my girlfriend, huh?” Jackie spits out. 

“Shes not your girlfriend anymore Jackie, get that through your head” Shauna replies with a chipped tone. 

You walk over to the pair, seeing something obviously happening between them. 

Van interrupts the two nearby, seeing you approach, “Alright. Enough”

“Everything okay?” You ask hesitantly as you stand slightly behind Shauna. 

She glowered at Jackie for a few seconds before turning her attention to you, “Yeah. Let’s go” 

You nodded and turned to follow her towards the door. Before you walked away, you turned back to look at Jackie, who was still sporting a glare at Shauna’s retreating form. Her eyes moved to meet yours for a moment, though they seemed to look away just as fast. 

What you didn’t hear, was Van muttering to Jackie, “Not another word” as she noticed you looking back. 

Instead of heading to the meat shed, Shauna led you to the woods. She obviously needed to get some air. You walked silently beside her for a while. You could tell whatever just happened had gotten under her skin. Since you were so used to people taking their anger out on you, you remained quiet, not wanting to worsen her mood. You walked with your eyes down, looking at your shoes crunching in the flattened snow. 

Shauna’s hand on your arm made you stop. Your eyes flew up to hers while your fingers dug crescent shapes into your palms. 

Her hand immediately came off of you, seeing the panicked ‘deer in headlights’ look you had. 

“Sorry…I was just saying we could stop walking if you want” she explained. 

You had zoned out and weren’t listening, again. 

You blinked a few times and assessed her demeanor. She didn’t look angry. Her body language seemed to look okay. You tell she was looking at you, trying to figure you out. 

“I thought you were mad” you offered shyly. 

She scrunched her eyebrows, “Why’d I be mad at you?” 

You shook your head, “No, with Jackie” 

Shauna took a minute to look you over and think about what she was going to say. 

“I was mad at Jackie. But that’s not your fault or anything” 

You nodded your head, unconvincingly. 

Shauna took a measured step towards you and ducked her head a little to look into your eyes. 

“Hey…even if I was mad, no matter who or what at, you know I would never direct that at you…right?” 

“What about when it’s me?” You ask quietly. 

She shook her head, “Even then. I will never treat you like that. No matter what. I promise” 

Maybe it’s naive after everything you’ve been through, but you believe Shauna’s words. Something about her just makes you trust her. Completely and unrestrained. 

“Can I hug you?” She asks. 

You nod your head, surprised. You’re not used to being offered comfort. Especially over something so trivial, in the grand scheme of things. You wrap your arms around Shauna’s waist, your nose tucked into her neck. 

It takes a lot of effort to keep the words you want to utter to yourself. 

-----

Your feelings for Shauna only continue to grow over the weeks. You spend most of your days with her. It’s rare that someone would find one of you without the other. You’ve grown close to Shauna in a way you’ve never experienced with anyone else. She was a part of you now. Maybe it was being stuck in the wilderness that sped up the timing. But you can’t help but to feel like this is where you were meant to be all this time - with Shauna. Where everything was dark, Shauna was light. You felt like an idiot that she was right there all along. She would have sacrificed her own feelings if it meant you would have been happy. You hold that deep inside. 

Restlessness had been growing around the cabin. Nothing to do, no where to go, paired with the lack of food was causing a sharp decrease in morale. 

“Guys, it’s got to be close, right? Don’t you think so?” You heard Misty asking. 

“What’s close bestie?” Crystal asked her. 

You’re pretty sure they were having a conversation between themselves, and just wanted everyone else to join in. Van caught you rolling your eyes and tried to stifle a laugh, only because Tai jabbed her. 

“Only the most jolliest time of the year! Ol’ Saint Nick is coming to town!” 

“Too bad we’re fresh out of milk and cookies” Van said under her breath, making you laugh. Tai cracked a smile at that one too, though she gave Van another weak jab. 

“What exactly are we supposed to do about that Misty?” Natalie asked. 

“Yeah, I don’t think we’re exactly on the sleigh route out here” Shauna dryly commented.

“Don’t be a Grinch Shauna! I think we can all use a little holiday spirit around here. What do you say, let’s celebrate Christmas the day after tomorrow!” 

The group mumbles their agreements, some more excited than others. There’s nothing else to do, so might as well. 

“Fine but stay away from the food this time” Mari commented. Misty just replied with a bright smile. 

Shauna noticed you had been a little quiet since the group's discussion earlier that day. She got you alone finally when she saw you went up to the attic after dinner. 

“Hey” she announced herself. 

“Hi” 

“You okay? You’ve been quiet today” 

“Yeah” 

She narrowed her eyes and sat down on her blankets, which really have become both of your blankets. She patted the spot next to her. You sighed a little and sat down, leaning your head on her as she wrapped an arm around you. 

“I know something’s wrong” she said. 

“Just…the conversation earlier. Had me thinking” 

“What, Mari’s comment about the food? Don’t worry, it won’t be like Doomcoming” 

“No….not that” 

Shauna’s hand rubbed up and down your arm, she didn’t know what else you could be referring to. 

“Christmas” you simply said before elaborating further. “It…it’s close to when…it’ll be a year” 

It finally clicked with Shauna what you meant. You felt her nod her head. 

“I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m never going to get away from him” you say sadly. 

“We don’t have to go, we can just hangout, me and you if you want” 

You shrug, “Is it too early to go to bed?” 

“C’mere” Shauna says to you softly, gently pulling you down with her. She reaches over and pulls the other blankets over the pair of you. You lay there cuddled into Shauna, just waiting for sleep to take over. 

Calloused hands clamp over your wrists. You smell the lingering scent of tobacco and whiskey that never washes away from him. You’re screaming, but no sound is coming out. 

You suddenly jolt upright and feel a pair of hands around your arms. 

“Hey hey hey, it’s okay, it’s okay, it was just a bad dream”

Your breathing is rapid and you try to move out of the grip. 

“Y/N look at me” 

Your panicked eyes land on Shauna. She’s kneeling in front of you, holding the arms of your jacket with a tight grip. 

“That’s it, just look at me. It’s alright, it was a nightmare” 

You shake your head rapidly and the tears start to fall. 

“Shhh” 

“It…it wasn’t” you hiccup. “He. I was with him again” 

“No you weren’t, you were right here. With me” she tries to reassure you. 

“I’m never going to get away from him. He’s always going to get me back” you cry. 

“Hey, look at me” Shauna moves her hands to your face, forcing you to look at her. “He is not here. I know they said it’s almost Christmas, but don’t you know what else that means?” 

You shake your head, hot tears still running down your face.  

“If it’s Christmas, then your birthday has already passed. You’re 18. So even if we get rescued tomorrow, you never have to go back to him. Do you hear me? You’re never going back to him” 

You lower your head a little and cry harder. Shauna wraps you up in a tight hug. 

“I’ll never let anyone hurt you like that again” she promises. 

Another shorter chapter, I had a bit of a hard time writing this one, not going to lie. This will probably be the last chapter that takes place during the 2 month time jump that happens in the canon timeline. I wanted to include some of the missing months, and show how quickly the relationship between Shauna and Reader is building and intensifying. It plays an important foundation for later events, so I hope the past couple chapters haven't felt too much like filler. Thanks for reading, more to come soon 😊

Chapter 12

Unbalanced Series Masterlist

Your eyes trace every letter of Shauna’s writing, reading the words over and over again. A million thoughts swirl through your head. Suddenly, so many things seem to click into place all at once. You had always assumed that Shauna hung around you so much because of Jackie. That Shauna was nice to you and helped you with things simply because that’s just what Shauna did. But you never really took the time to realize that she didn’t act that way towards anyone else, not even with Jackie herself. To Shauna, there was everyone else, and then there was you. You’ve just been so caught up in your own bubble, you never paid it enough attention. Never really thought of the possibility. Never fully believed that the looks she tried to hide from you held a deeper meaning. Shauna didn’t like you because of Jackie…Shauna liked you because of you. 

Your unintentional silence made Shauna nervous. She eventually lowered the journal, setting it aside. The movement finally brought your eyes up to hers, and you saw the uncertainty in them. 

“You don’t have to say anything. I just…wanted you to hear it from me” 

You opened your mouth to speak, but Shauna continued on before you got the chance. 

“I didn’t mean for any of it to happen this way” 

The sound of Tai and Van entering the attic interrupted you before you could respond. Tai gave you both an awkward friendly smile, sensing they just walked in on something. Van barely gave you both a glance before muttering a ‘g’night’. 

Your eyes returned to Shauna, but the moment was broken with your friends now present. You went to sleep with your mind reeling, yet your thoughts remained unvoiced. 

-----

Over the course of the next few days, you mentally kick yourself for not speaking up that night with Shauna. You can tell she has pulled back from you a little. It’s small moments you notice, like how she hesitates before sitting next to you sometimes now, or how her conversation has been limited. Like she’s afraid of making you uncomfortable.

Shauna was taking your silence as rejection. 

You watched as she went back outside again for the third time today. She had been spending a lot of time out in the meat shed, more than usual. There wasn’t anything for her to butcher. Hardly any more rations for her to cut. You knew she was using it as an excuse. She was just sitting out there, alone. 

“You look like you’re watching your wife go off to war or something” 

You return your attention back to Mari, who is giving you a pointed look. 

“Shut up” you mutter. 

Mari sighed, “What’s the problem?”

“Nothing, Mar” 

“You’re so full of shit” 

You glare at her, hoping she’d just drop it. But you should have known better. This was Mari after all. 

She pushes on, “Seriously. What gives? Shauna dump you already?”

You give her a dirty look, “I’m not dating Shauna” 

“Why not?” 

You hesitate at her question. Why not? 

“I just broke up with Jackie” 

Mari rolled her eyes, “Oh my god it’s been weeks” 

“Yeah Mar, and I was with her for over a year” 

“Who cares! Time isn’t real out here. Why are you being stupid?” 

You tighten your hands in your sleeve cuffs and mumble out, “I’m not” 

Mari gives you an exasperated look. “Um you kind of are. Shipman literally dragged your ass off the plane and has been waiting for you to open your damn eyes ever since” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Jesus Christ, are you blind?” 

You scrunch your eyebrows. Apparently so. 

Mari mockingly throws her hands up, “It’s so fucking obvious that Shauna has had a thing for you for like, forever. Your head has just been so far up Jackie’s ass you apparently never noticed” 

“Mari-”

“No, I’m serious. Think about it” 

You stayed quiet for a moment, before Mari spoke again, quieter this time. 

“Look, from what I’ve seen, Jackie treated you like shit anyways. You don’t have to punish yourself even more for it. If Shipman makes you happy…go be happy” 

“…what if I fuck it up?” 

“Then you fuck it up” she shrugs. “But she still wants you after a fucking plane crash and all the other shit that’s already happened out here. You’re the only one that doesn’t see it” 

-----

You spent the rest of the day thinking about what Mari said. It felt wrong almost, thinking of someone other than Jackie in that way. Yet, at the same time, when you’re around Shauna, it just feels right. Natural, even. Shauna’s mere presence brings a comfort to you that you can’t describe in words. When you think about the possibility of not having Shauna in your life, a sadness washes over you that didn’t exist even when you actually broke up with Jackie. You think about all the times you’ve instinctively gravitated towards Shauna. All the times where Jackie was your girlfriend, but it was Shauna who was really filling the role. Maybe Mari was right. 

Red hair walking outside past the window made something ignite inside you. You walked outside the cabin door without a second thought, not even bothering to put your coat on above your additional layers. You snaked your way behind the cabin, trying to find where Van walked off to. You caught a glimpse of her walking near the trees, and hurried to catch up to her. 

“Hey!” You called after her as you got closer. 

She turned around, slightly confused. “What?”

“Stop being an asshole and talk to me” 

Van made a face, “Okay” she drew out, “What?”

You huffed. “Look, I’m having a really hard fucking time alright? I’m trying so hard every day to keep my shit together so I don’t lose it again. And Shauna is the only person who makes me feel even kind of okay, and I just need you to be fucking okay with this because I can’t handle losing you on top of everything else” you ramble out, struggling to keep your voice even by the end of it. 

“Hey okay, okay” 

You sniffle with frustrated tears welling in your eyes. Van moves to wrap you up in a hug. 

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m sorry I’ve been a dick” she pulls back to look at you properly. “I was wrong for what I said to Shauna. I can see how much she cares about you. I just didn’t want to see you get hurt again” 

“It doesn’t matter anymore anyways” you mumble. 

“What, why?” 

“I think I blew it” 

“What happened?” 

“Shauna showed me part of her journal…that said how she felt. About me” 

“And?” 

“I didn’t say anything…”

“What do you mean you didn’t say anything?” 

“Like I didn’t respond. I was surprised. Then you and Tai came up. So…I just…didn’t. And now she’s being weird with me” 

Van rubbed her face, “Well, yeah dude, Jesus” 

“Mari said that Shauna’s ‘had a thing’ for me for a long time. And that I had my head too far up Jackie’s ass to see it” 

“Well…she’s not wrong” 

“Van!” 

“Well!” She shrugged. She sighed again, “Look dude. You didn’t deserve anything Jackie did to you or how she treated you. And it wasn’t your fault. I can tell you that all day long until I’m blue in the face, but I can’t make you believe it. You deserve better than that. So. Just…talk to Shauna, okay?” 

You nod. 

“Come on, it’s fucking cold out here” she leads you both back to the cabin. 

As you enter, Nat and Travis are standing by the fire, having returned from their daily hunt. Unsuccessful as usual. 

Lottie suggests making an offering to the wilderness to aid them. Her eyes meet yours as you walk into the room. 

“Y/N” 

You feel the glances of those in the cabin look to you. Lottie’s gaze pierces through the wall you’ve carefully built up. You nervously look around for Shauna, but she isn’t here. 

“We need you. You know what the wilderness asks for” 

You stand frozen in place, wondering if Lottie is asking what you think she is. She holds her hand out to you, which you reluctantly take. She pulls you near the table where she has a few of her weird objects set up. She turns your hand so your palm is upright and grabs the small serrated knife off the table. 

“Just enough to take away the pain” she whispers quietly enough so only you can hear. 

Natalie turns just as Lottie is bringing the knife towards your hand, “Lottie, what the fuck!”

“She’s willing, Natalie” Lottie spoke in her calm voice. 

“No the fuck she isn’t, look at her!” Nat retorted. 

You felt a hand pulling you away by your upper arm. To your surprise, you turned to find Jackie standing next to you. 

You didn’t hear the sound of the cabin door opening, though you faintly felt the cold chill sweep in. 

“Find someone else to do your weird nature shit on Lottie” Jackie spat out. 

Van took this time to step in between you and Jackie, disconnecting her hand from you. 

“It’s not for the Captain to decide anymore” Lottie spoke in a soft, calculated tone. 

“It’s not for you to either” the team turned to see Shauna standing by the now closed door, a hard look plastered on her face. 

“Lottie’s just trying to help, we’re not getting any more food. She knows things” Misty spoke up in defense of the taller girl. 

“Then she can cut you up” Shauna seethed. 

Shauna approached the small group of you near the table, only stopping when she was right in front of Lottie. She glared into the tall brunette's eyes, “I’m not telling you again” the warning left her lips with controlled calmness and anger. She held her gaze for a few more seconds before turning back to where you stood next to Van. Her eyes met Jackie’s, and she gave her a slight head nod. It wasn’t much, but considering all that has transpired between the two, it was enough for now. 

You let out a breath of relief seeing her standing in front of you. The pit that had formed in your stomach didn’t disappear when Natalie first spoke up in your defense. It remained when Jackie pulled you away from Lottie. It didn’t even leave when Van joined you. But the moment you saw Shauna standing by the door, you felt it. The wave of comfort washing over you. The feeling that everything was going to be okay. It was in that moment you decided…you had to talk to Shauna. 

-----

The evening concluded with much less excitement. You all ate your small dinner. Idle conversation passed, many trying to avoid the topic of what transpired earlier. You decided to go to bed early, not wanting to contribute to any more tension within the group. 

It seemed everyone followed your lead. Tai and Van joined you in the attic quickly after. Shauna not long after that. 

The four of you laid under your respective blankets, the nighttime quiet of the wilderness filling the room. Eventually, enough time had passed that you heard faint snoring that you knew belonged to Van. You turned your head and looked at Shauna. She was laying on her back, and even in the dark you could tell she wasn’t actually asleep. 

You were desperate to find the right words to say to her, but were at a loss. 

You suddenly whispered just loud enough for her to hear, “Jackie’s house wasn’t the only place I went that night” 

Shauna tilted her head to face you. You moved onto your side to get a better look at her, the moonlight providing a faint glow through the window. 

“What do you mean?” She returned your whisper. 

“Christmas break. After my dad-” you cut yourself off, taking a steadying breath. You could see Shauna nodding her head in understanding. 

“When I left my house. I couldn’t even think. I just walked. It felt like forever. I didn’t even know where I was going. It was like I was on autopilot. And eventually. I stopped and looked up and… I went to your house first Shauna” 

You could see her surprised eyes glowing in the moonlight. 

“Your car was in the driveway and...I could see the light still on in your room” 

“I didn’t know” she whispered.

You shook your head, “It was the middle of the night I - I couldn’t just knock on your door” 

Your traced your finger on your blanket, avoiding eye contact. 

“I thought about it. I stood there for a while. But what would I have even said? And I knew Jackie would have been mad. So I just…left. And I went to her house” you continued. 

“You walked all the way across town like that in the middle of the night?” 

You shrugged, “The worst thing could happen already did, what did I care?” 

You could feel Shauna’s eyes on you. 

“Shauna…in the worst moment of my life…I wanted you. I didn’t even think about it. I just knew” you looked up at her, making eye contact again. 

“Y/N…”

“Everything that has happened out here…you have been my only constant. I wouldn’t be here without you. And you keep choosing me, even though I don’t know why. I know I don’t deserve it. But. Shauna I’m so sorry that I was so wrapped up in Jackie that I never realized…even back at home. It was always you” 

Tears were welling in Shauna’s eyes, barely visible to you in the dark room. She bit her lip and stared into your eyes. 

“You’re not just saying that, right? Because of where we are?” 

You shook your head, “No” 

You moved closer to her. Looking into her eyes, you see that ever present look reserved only for you. But this time, there is something deeper, something more vulnerable. A line that Shauna had never let herself cross up until this moment. Hope. 

“I wish I would have knocked on your door that night” you whisper with a slight quiver.  

Shauna extends her arm, and you accept the spot offered to you without hesitation, resting your head on her chest. She wraps her arm around you, holding you tight. Her cheek rests on top of your head. 

“Me too” 

-----

You wake up to the sound of Shauna’s heartbeat. Her clothes smell faintly like smoke, and something so distinctly her. Her arm is still wrapped around your back, providing gentle warmth. For the first time since you can really remember, you slept through the entire night. You didn’t wake up a single time. No nightmares plagued your subconscious mind. You felt safe. 

Your hand that was resting on Shauna’s stomach began to play with one of the buttons on her jacket, gently spinning it between your fingers. It was nice, laying here like this with her. Jackie had never really let you hug her much. Any time you two had cuddled, Jackie had made you be the big spoon. Simple affection was something you rarely initiated anymore, your attempts constantly being rejected or ridiculed. But Shauna let you lay with her like this all night long without shoving you away or chastising you. 

You felt a hand rub your back softly, and your movements froze and you held your breath. You glanced up to see Shauna looking down at you. You let the air out of your lungs you were holding in when you saw she was giving you a gentle smile. She wasn’t trying to get rid of you. Your hand resumed its movement on her jacket button. 

Together you laid there, neither of you quite ready to speak more about where you stand. Just enjoying the company of one another. 

You pick your head up to check if Tai and Van were awake, only to find them not even in the room anymore. Neither you or Shauna had noticed them make their way across the attic to head downstairs. You also missed the knowing look they gave each other, seeing you cuddled up next to Shauna. 

“Thank you for showing me that part of your journal the other night. I should have responded better” 

Shauna continued her small hand movement on your back, running her fingers across the fabric, “I thought I freaked you out. I didn’t mean to corner you or anything. And look if you’ve changed your mind, I get it, I know this is rushed-”

“Shauna-” you cut her off gently, moving off of her and onto your side to face her better. “I haven’t. Just…let me finally choose you back. You’ve waited long enough” 

She moves her hand to your hair, gently brushing it back. “I’d wait forever for you” her soft words tug at your heart. 

Unfortunately, you can’t help but to feel like you don’t deserve this. Don’t deserve her. 

“Are you sure you want this?” You ask her nervously. 

“Positive”

“But I’m…damaged goods. Jackie…my dad. I. Why would you ever want me?” 

Shauna’s fingers move down to brush against your cheek as she continues to speak to you softly, “You are not what happened to you. I’ve lov-wanted you for longer than you could know. Nothing has changed that” 

“Were you just never going to tell me? If that fight never happened with Jackie?” You ask. 

Shauna let out a small sigh, “I don’t know, honestly. I think it would have came out eventually. I almost told you a few times” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah. Back home at one of Lottie’s parties when I drank too much I almost said it in front of everyone, but Randy interrupted, being an idiot. Here, a few times. Once on the porch, then Misty came out singing her stupid fucking musicals or whatever. Another time when we were eating and I could tell Jackie did something. I don’t know how she never noticed it honestly. Either of you, really. I felt like a bad person. But I didn’t want to ruin anything for you so I stayed quiet. I just wanted you to be happy” 

You take a moment to look at her. 

“I don’t think I’ve been happy for a long time” you admit quietly. 

She nods in understanding, “Let me try to change that” 

“I have a lot of baggage” 

“I can carry it” 

You look into her eyes and see the sincerity in them. Shauna’s words bulldoze right through every wall you’ve tried to build up to shield yourself. Your heart longs for the gentleness and protection Shauna offers. You crave the safe affection that you’ve never truly experienced. Things that Shauna so effortlessly does, and doesn’t even realize. You want to hand over all the broken pieces of yourself and let her do as she wishes with them. 

You want all of Shauna Shipman. 

You wordlessly move back down into her embrace. The rhythm of her heartbeat pounds faintly in your ears. The scent of her fills your nostrils when you breathe in. Her arms wrapped around you provide a warmth that cuts right through the frigidness of the wilderness. 

Shauna feels like a home you never had.

Bit of a shorter chapter, but wanted to keep the focus intentionally on Reader and Shauna's seemingly new revelations 😊

Chapter 11

Unbalanced Series Masterlist

Lottie’s influence continues to grow as the weeks pass. The increased time spent together in the cabin draws attention to her words. Her rituals find new meanings. Unexplained events become connected to Lottie’s intuition of the wilderness. To many of your teammates, things can no longer be a coincidence or have other explanations. Even Van has fallen into Lottie’s spell. 

It was subtle at first. The way Van would passively listen to Lottie speak in the mornings. How she would watch her perform the morning ritual for the hunts Travis and Natalie would go on. Things you could easily brush off as curiosity. But now, you pay more attention. You notice the way Van seems to seek out Lottie’s opinions. How when Lottie speaks, Van listens. You brought it up to Tai, trying to gauge her reaction. You’ve gathered that Tai’s opinion on Lottie and her ‘teachings’ hasn’t changed, she’s simply trying to be more passive about it for Van. 

Few of you remained that outwardly rejected Lottie’s ideas and her proclaimed connection to the forest. Natalie was perhaps the most vocal about Lottie’s ‘wilderness bullshit’ as she put it. She didn’t participate in her rituals and would call her out on the ridiculous connections people were trying to make. Jackie obviously thought Lottie was a lunatic, she continued to make that pretty clear. Then there was Shauna, who tried to keep quiet about how stupid she thought the wilderness stuff was. That was, until it came to you. 

You couldn’t move past what happened at Doomcoming. You were surprised that your friends seemed so quick to forget that Lottie had held a knife to your throat that night. She could spin whatever tale she wanted to, trying to lure you in with the promise of the wilderness taking away your pain. Admittedly, it was alluring at times. However you just couldn’t bring yourself to fall completely into Lottie’s twisted words. Especially not with Shauna keeping you anchored to reality. 

Shauna has been your rock for the past few weeks. Longer than that, if you take the time to think about it. Shauna made it a point to spend extra time with you, without smothering you. She never pushed. She never overwhelmed you. But she was there. Sometimes you would just sit with her out in the meat shed while she cut the rations for the day. Other times she would catch you in the cabin staring off into space, always finding an excuse to join you or distract you. She had a way of knowing when Lottie was pushing boundaries - something that she didn’t let slide when it came to you. 

“I don’t know what you think I’m supposed to do Lott” you mumble to her, rubbing your hand across the wooden floor board of the cabin. 

“The wilderness will show you. You’re going to help us Y/N, you’ll see” 

It was then that Shauna wordlessly sat down beside you, staring at Lottie. 

“Misty was looking for you” she mentioned to Lottie. The taller girl looked surprised before nodding and standing up, assumingly going to look for Misty. 

“What did Misty want?” You ask her. 

Shauna just smirked. You smile and playfully shake your head disapprovingly, knowing that Shauna probably hadn’t even spoken to the blonde haired girl. 

You sit in comfortable silence for a while. Shauna never makes you talk when you don’t want to. Your mind is still out of sorts from everything that has happened. The fiasco with Lottie at Doomcoming was just the recipe. Jackie was the whole cake. Your breakup. Her betrayal, that you were still uncertain of. Realizing new things each day that were detrimental to you in your relationship. How you felt that morning you thought she had died. All of it was difficult to wrap your head around. Reliving the abuse suffered at your fathers hand was the icing and cherry on top. Ever since hearing the arguments at Doomcoming and having to reveal the truth of your home life, your mind has been plagued by him. It has slowly gotten better over the past few weeks, but there are times you still feel yourself slipping. Your panic and anxiety have felt more subdued now with the calmer state of the cabin. Though your depression is an ongoing battle. You fight through it. Having Shauna on your side makes it easier. You’re not sure how you would handle things if everyone was knee deep in this ‘Lottie is the wilderness prophet’ idea.

-----

Sitting in the cabin filled with your teammates all day gives little room for alone time. The cold weather makes it difficult to venture outdoors for longer than needed. Misty and Crystal are playing some type of game while they sew some damaged clothing. It mainly just consists of them singing and humming, much to your displeasure. Akilah is studying her SAT book again, she’s still convinced that she’s going to take the test after rescue comes. You don’t have the heart to crush the little hope she’s still holding on to. Jackie and Melissa are chatting in the corner, probably gossiping about people. Jackie had rarely given the JV girl a second glance before, but you figure she probably doesn’t have many options right now. Your friends are still not happy with Jackie, though a few of them are easing up given the situation you’re all in. You continue to avoid Jackie as much as possible. Tai and Van are nowhere to be found. Tai has been sleepwalking again. You still sleep in the attic with the couple and Shauna, though the pair sleeps on the opposite side of the room now. There have been many nights you wake up to the sound of Van’s footsteps and hushed whispers, seeking out Tai’s sleeping actions. 

You tug on the black coat you had claimed and decide to head outside for a while. You had felt yourself beginning to fall into the pit of despair tucked away inside your mind. 

Your beat up Converse crunch against the packed snow. You breathe in the harsh air, feeling its cold sting fill your lungs. Your fingers meet the chilled metal door, pulling it slightly aside, just enough to peak in. 

Shauna turns and meets your eyes from where she’s standing at her butcher table inside the meat shed. 

“Can I come in?” You ask her quietly. 

“Yeah of course” 

She wipes her hands off on a rag she has handy as you pull the door closed. You hover awkwardly for a moment. Shauna had told you weeks ago that you could always come find her if you felt yourself slipping, or just wanted someone to talk to. You didn’t want to bother her though. But you always felt better even just being around her. 

“Dinner?” You question, nodding your head over to where she had been cutting up some of the remaining bear meat. 

“Yeah…I had to cut the rations again. It’s not going to last” she mentioned. 

You nodded, your hands still shoved in your coat pockets. 

“Will you help me cut my hair?” You suddenly blurt out. 

“What?” 

“It’s all in my eyes and I can’t stand the feeling anymore. So will you just…” you pull your hand out of your pocket to reveal a small serrated knife to Shauna. You snagged it from the kitchen when Mari wasn’t paying attention. 

“You’re serious?” She asked with her eyebrows raised in surprise. 

“Nevermind I’ll figure it out myself” you muttered out defensively. 

“Wait, just…give me that” Shauna says, taking the knife from you. “We have scissors you know” 

“I didn’t know where they were” you said sheepishly. 

She gave you a half smile, “Wait here” 

You do as Shauna asks. You wait in the doorway, looking out at nothing, mindlessly staring at the snow covered trees. Shauna reruns a few minutes later with her hands in the pockets of her green denim jacket. She pulls the makeshift metal door closed as you both re-enter the meat shed. 

“Sit”

“Why?” 

She pulled the silver scissors from her coat pocket and showed them to you. 

“I still think it would better if you had Nat do this” 

“I want you to” you admit to her quietly, “Please?”

She nods, and motions you over to the stool you usually sit on while she cuts the meat. You take off your black Nirvana baseball cap that Van got you for your birthday a few years ago. You’ve been wearing it backwards with a tank top tied underneath it to keep your ears warm. 

“It doesn’t have to be perfect or anything. I just want it out of my face again” you tell her while avoiding eye contact. 

“Alright” she looks at you with her big brown eyes as she combs her fingers through your hair. She probably should have grabbed a brush or something while she was inside. You don’t flinch at Shauna’s movements or touch. You haven’t for a while now. Something she’s been mentally keeping track of, but doesn’t point out. 

“Ready?” She asks. 

You nod. She places two fingers below your jaw, “Okay, stay still” 

You watch her face as she makes the first cut. Her eyes are focused, like she’s been assigned an important task. In reality you didn’t really care what your hair looked like at this point. You were getting so overstimulated by it you were ready to just cut it all off with that shitty kitchen knife. But Shauna takes her time, and makes each cut with precision. She even gets the sides where it’s touching your ears without you asking. When she gets to the very front, she pauses for a second before speaking again in a gentle voice. 

“Close your eyes for me” 

She saw the brief moment of hesitation flash across your face before she reassured you, “I just don’t want hair to get in them. I’ll be quick” 

You silently obeyed, closing your eyes and curling your fingers into your pants at the same time. You felt Shauna’s fingers brushing against your forehead as she pulled the hair away from your face a bit to trim. 

“Almost done”

A few more snips rang out in the quiet room before you felt her fingers ruffle your hair a bit. 

“Okay” 

You open your eyes and blink a few times, allowing them to adjust to the light again. 

“How’s that?” She asked you a bit nervously. 

“It feels a lot better” you say, shaking your head a little to get the loose hairs off you. “Thank you” you tell her quietly with a smile. 

“Anytime” she told you honestly. 

You tie the tank top back around your head and put your hat back on. While using your hand to brush the hairs off your jacket, you speak again. 

“Shauna?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Thanks for being so nice to me” you say quietly. 

She pauses at this and really looks at you. She sees the way you didn’t make eye contact when you spoke. How you’re still picking at your coat, though she’s sure it’s just a distraction at this point. 

“You don't have to thank me for that” 

“Well I just. I know I’m a lot to deal with. And you don’t have to. I just. I don’t know why you do” you admit. 

“Because I care about you”

She reaches out and places her hand over the wrist of your jacket that is still picking at the sleeves. 

“And you’re never too much for me” 

You make eye contact as she speaks. She has that look in her eyes you’ve seen many times before. You don’t think you’re making it up anymore. Not after everything. You’ve thought many times about how Shauna has been the one to help you in times of need. Even before the crash. Shauna is the one who got you off the plane. She helped you when Jackie couldn’t/wouldn’t. She was never obligated to do that. Shauna stood up for you against her own best friend. She chose you when things got heavy. You’ve been thinking about some of the things Jackie had said about Shauna after Doomcoming. You were wondering if there was any truth to them. The thought of it gave you a sense of hope that you’ve been shoving down deep inside of you. 

Now is not the time to ask though. 

-----

Dinner approaches, the team bummed by the smaller rations. You take off your hat and shake your head, getting Mari's attention. 

“Did…did you cut your hair?” She asks dumbfounded. 

“Shauna helped me” 

“Hot”

You give her a surprised chuckle as Gen nudges her arm. 

“What?” She asks her, clearly unashamed of her comment. 

Jackie glares at you all from her place on the floor next to Melissa. She knows she doesn’t have the right to say anything anymore. So instead she returns her attention to her food and whatever Mel was yammering on about. 

Van also observed the interaction, though it wasn’t Mari’s words that grabbed her attention. It was your mention of Shauna. 

The next morning, Van watched as you sat next to Shauna on the padded bench, sipping a pine needle tea Mari had brewed. You spoke quietly, your words unable to be made out by Van. She watched as Shauna stood up and handed you her cup, which you accepted with a small smile. A draft of cold air entered the cabin as Shauna exited the dwelling. You made your way to the kitchen with both cups in hand. Once you were out of eyesight, Van slipped out the front door into the cold. 

She stepped into the snow, looking for where Shauna wandered off to. She caught a glimpse of her green jacket heading towards the treeline and followed. Shauna had stopped to tie her boot when Van caught up to her. 

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Y/N”

Shauna’s hands paused around her laces before resuming tying their knot. 

“So?” 

“So? So what are you doing Shauna?” Van’s voice rang out in an accusing tone. 

“What exactly do you think I’m doing Van?” Shauna returned, standing up to look Van in the eyes now. 

“I’m just saying. She’s already been through a lot. She doesn’t need to jump into something else like this right away and get latched on” 

“You don’t get to dictate what she does just because you feel guilty about not doing shit about Jackie before” 

“And you don’t get to play the hero when you sat there and watched Jackie the exact same way you’re accusing me of” 

“You’re the one who came and got me that night because you didn’t know what to do” 

“I didn’t think you’d use it as an opportunity. You know, maybe Jackie wasn’t totally wrong, maybe you did have some kind of ulterior motive this entire time. And I mean you guys were friends for a reason right? Guess the apple doesn’t fall too far. Couldn’t wait to steal your best friend's girlfriend huh?”

“Fuck you, Van. You have no idea what you’re talking about” Shauna said, getting in Van’s face. 

“Then please, enlighten me” Van spat out, matching Shauna’s glare. 

“Okay stop, what the hell are you two doing?!” Tai heard parts of the conversation growing louder before stumbling onto the pair and spotted their heated stances and glares. She quickly shoved the two apart. 

“Ask Van. She’s insinuating that I’m taking advantage of Y/N” 

“What?” Tai said, shocked. 

“That’s not what I said” 

“No? Or were you just saying that I was like Jackie. Acting like I have some kind of sinister plan here” 

“Van…” Tai knew Van was extra protective of you lately, but this surprised her. Especially being directed at Shauna. 

“I’m just saying that it seems like convenient timing” 

Shauna let out a sarcastic chuckle, “You think this is how I wanted any of this to happen? You think I wanted to watch her fall apart like that? To learn how much of a fucking monster my best friend has been, and that I sat around and did nothing about it? It was bad enough I had to watch her be with Jackie, now to know that-“ 

Shauna cut herself off, trying to prevent more word vomit from being let out. She took a deep breath before she continued, the chip in her tone still present. 

“If you think I’d ever do anything to take advantage of her or this situation, you’re more out of your fucking mind than Lottie is” 

“We know you wouldn’t do that, Shauna. We know” Tai insisted, throwing a look at Van as she was speaking. 

Shauna looked between the two and scoffed at Van’s silence, choosing to walk away before the redhead could throw out any more unsolicited comments or accusations. 

Once she was sure Shauna was out of earshot, Tai turned to Van with her arms crossed. 

“What the hell was that?” 

“Y/N is following her around like a lost dog, Tai” 

“She’s comfortable with her Van. Shauna’s not doing anything wrong” 

“I don’t trust her” 

“God do you hear yourself?! This is Shauna. Who has been there for her since the moment the plane crashed? I’ll give you a hint. It wasn’t Jackie. And it wasn’t us” 

“I’ve been here for her” Van defended. 

“Not in the way Shauna has. You know it’s true. And I don’t mean that as anything against you. But Van, come on. You know it’s different with her. You’ve seen it” 

Van sighed, rubbing her face, her resolve crumbling into something softer. 

“I know” 

-----

You got the feeling Shauna had been avoiding you. Since your breakfast tea, you hadn’t seen much of her. You looked for her in the meat shed at one point, but found the small room to be empty. You opted to go back inside, seeing no use standing out in the cold alone. 

You wandered around the cabin a little, looking for something to do. You felt a bit useless, not having your usual chores to do. There was no point in checking snares with all the snow on the ground. Eventually you made your way over to Van, who was playing solitaire alone with the deck of cards. 

“Have you seen Shauna?” You ask absentmindedly as you sit down near her. 

Van ignores you, flipping over another card with emphasis. 

You look at her quietly. You notice her tense posture and the way she grips the cards as she grabs them. Her nostrils flare just a tad. She doesn’t even look up at you. Something that is both a blessing and a curse is that you are hyper vigilant of people’s moods. You gauge feelings and reactions before they become apparent to others. It was a necessary precaution you learn when you’ve had to walk on eggshells most of your life out of fear of upsetting someone. 

You remain silent for a little while, tensing your hands open and closed a few times before you slowly stand up. Van clearly doesn’t want to be bothered. 

“Is that all you came over here for?” 

You stopped at her words. Her tone wasn’t hostile, but it wasn’t exactly friendly either. She is looking at you now. 

“I thought you wanted to be alone” you respond quietly. 

Van scoffs a little, “Right. Go find Shauna then” 

You hesitate before replying in a quiet tone, not wanting everyone in the cabin to hear your conversation. 

“Did I do something?” 

“Nope” She looks back down and resumes her game, ending the conversation. 

You stare at her for just a moment before you walk away, opting to head up into the attic. It’s colder up there, but at least you can be alone. 

You sit on your bedding area and pick at your fingers. Why did Van seem mad at you? What did you do wrong? 

It must have been some time before you heard footsteps join you in the attic. You looked up to see Tai digging through her bag for something. You returned her greeting. She paused as she passed you to return to the attic ladder, hovering above you. 

“Are you bleeding?” 

You followed her eyes and looked down at your hands. You had picked at the skin around your fingers so much that some of them were raw and bleeding. You curled your fingers in and tucked them into your lap. 

Tai sighed and sat down in front of you. 

“Alright what is it?” 

You looked up at her questioningly. You like Tai, but it’s not like the two of you shared many heart to hearts or anything like that. 

“You’re up here moping and making your fingers bleed. Doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together” 

You shrug your shoulders a little, mumbling out “It’s stupid” 

Tai looks at you expectantly, “Nothing is stupid out here” 

“I don’t know…Van’s mad at me. And I think Shauna’s avoiding me. I don’t know what I did” 

Tai lets out a loud sigh before saying under her breath, “Those fucking idiots”, though you clearly heard her. 

“What?” 

She looks at you, debating on elaborating further. 

“Tai, please” 

She sighs, “Alright. Look. Van’s not mad at you. And Shauna’s not avoiding you. Not really” 

“But-” 

“Just…wait. Van is worried about how much time you’ve been spending with Shauna. Mainly because of what happened with Jackie. Her and Shauna got into it a little this morning, so I’m sure that’s why Shauna is keeping her distance. You didn’t do anything” 

You scrunch your eyebrows, “Van’s mad that I’m hanging out with Shauna?” 

“She’s not mad…she’s just…worried” 

“Why?” 

Tai sighs, “I think you need to talk to Van about that” 

Tai follows you across the kitchen area to where Van is standing near a counter. She didn’t really mean for you to go right now and speak with Van about this, but as soon as the words left her mouth, you stood up and made your way to the ladder. 

“What’s your problem with Shauna?” You say to Van’s turned back. 

Van turns to meet your eyes and glances over at Tai behind you, who gives her an apologetic look. 

“I don’t have a problem with Shauna” 

“Then why did you tell her to stay away from me?” 

“I didn’t!” 

You cross your arms and just stare at her. 

“Look. I’m just worried, okay?” 

“About what?” 

“That you just went through a traumatic relationship and break up and are jumping right into something else” 

“I’m not jumping into anything. Shauna’s nice to me” 

“Jackie was nice to you at first too” 

You scoff, “Wow” you say quietly. “Shauna isn’t Jackie” 

Your head turned at the sound of the cabin door opening and chatter. Natalie and Travis had returned from their hunt, empty handed once again. 

You return your attention to Van, “Just. Back off a little, alright? I’m fine” You attempt to diffuse the conversation. You know logically that Van is just trying to look out for you, and you’re not wanting to start a fight.  

She agrees and nods her head. 

You find Shauna later that evening, cutting the bear meat rations for dinner. She could only avoid the meat shed, and subsequently you, for so long. 

“Hey…” you say, as you enter the shed. 

“Hi” 

“You’ve been avoiding me” 

Shauna’s knife stills, “I’m just-”

“I know Van said something to you earlier” you cut her off. She turns to look at you, trying to hold a neutral expression on her face. 

“So do you agree?” She asks carefully. 

“Do I agree with what?” You ask confused. 

Shauna sighed and set down her knife “Let me bring this in to Mari…I think we need to talk” 

You watched her carry the meat inside on a small board for Mari to begin cooking. You returned to your stool and sat down, absentmindedly picking at the scabs forming on your fingers. 

“Shauna I’m sorry if I made you mad” the words spill out of your mouth as soon as she returns. She stops mid step and looks at you. 

“Why would I be mad at you?” 

You stay quiet and bite on your lip a little, assuming she doesn’t actually want an answer. 

“Hey…” she drags over a small log to sit on “…I’m not mad at you” 

“Did Van tell you to stay away from me?” You ask. 

“It was…implied” 

“So that’s why you’ve been avoiding me all day?” 

“No I…ugh. I’m not avoiding you because Van told me to. I just needed to think” 

“…about what?” You asked nervously. 

“If she was right” Shauna said quietly. “Y/N…I don’t…you don’t feel like I’m overwhelming you or anything…do you?” 

“What? No. Is that what Van said?” 

She rubbed her palms across the knees of her sweatpants. “I know you’ve been through a lot with Jackie and everything else, and I don’t want-” 

“Shauna-” you cut her off. “Don’t. Why is Van worried about me hanging out with you?” You push on. 

Shauna lets out a deep breath. “She thinks I’m replacing Jackie” 

You furrowed your brows, “Why would she think that?” 

“Because we’ve been spending a lot of time together. And she’s listening to what Jackie said after Doomcoming. And who knows what else Lottie’s filling her head with” she adds. 

Now was your chance to ask about Doomcoming. 

“Was there any truth to what Jackie said?” You ask softly. 

Shauna blinks a few times, analyzing your face. Her cheeks have a pink tint to them from being outside for so long. Her hair is a bit messy under a large headband she fashioned for ear warmth. Her dark eyes appeared soft as they looked at you carefully, “I need you to be more specific” 

“Well I mean. I know some of it wasn’t true. Obviously. But like…she said all those things about us hanging out. And about you helping me all the time. She…said you were trying to steal me” 

“That’s not what I was doing” she says quietly. 

“What uh…what did she read? In your journal?” 

Shauna sucked in her bottom lip and tilted her head a little. 

“Sorry nevermind, I shouldn’t have asked that” 

“It’s okay. Y/N…I need you to know how sorry I am. I should have done something sooner” 

“Shauna…” 

A loud voice calling outside caught your attention and broke the conversation you were having. 

“Dinner, bitches!” You could tell it was Mari without even seeing her. 

You both made your way inside, leaving your words looming in the air for later. 

-----

You were getting ready for bed when Shauna joined you. Tai and Van hadn’t made their way up to the attic yet, leaving the pair of you alone. 

“You never really answered me” you eventually broke the silence. She looked down at you confused. 

“About what Jackie said” 

Shauna sat on her bed space that was next to yours and faced you. 

“Jackie has a big mouth” 

“That’s still not an answer” 

She nodded. 

“Shauna…why can’t you just tell me?” You ask gently. 

“I don’t want to take advantage of you” she admits quietly. 

“You wouldn’t do that” you say confidently. 

She looks down at the ground. She has the same look that she would sometimes get when Jackie would say one too many critical things to her. 

“Wait…is that what Van said? That you were taking advantage of me or something?” 

She met your eyes and you didn’t even need her response. 

“Shauna, you’re not. At all. If anything I thought that I’ve been a pain in your ass” 

“You’re not” she says immediately. “If I had known what was happening, I would have said something. I just. I thought you were happy enough with her. I didn’t want to ruin anything” 

You weren’t quite following along with what Shauna was saying. “What are you talking about?” 

Shauna sighs. She never was good at any of this. She studies your face for a minute before she turns and reaches into her bag. She pulls out her brown leather bound journal, rubbing her thumb along the edge. 

“When Jackie read this, she must not have finished it or something. Because she thought I was pregnant for some stupid reason. But. I wrote this before I knew anything was wrong. So you know I’m telling you the truth. I wasn’t trying to steal you or whatever. I wouldn’t do that. I just. Here”

Shauna opened the book to a specific page and stared at it for a moment before turning it to face you. She held it out and you read where she was pointing to, written in her messy handwriting: 

‘Keeping something like this from Jackie has been so hard. But she would be devastated to find out, especially like this out here. It would be so much easier to deal with back home. But I don’t know if we’re going back home. I don’t know if rescue will ever come for us. What am I going to do? As more months pass, the harder it is to hide my feelings for Y/N. I feel shitty. What kind of person falls in love with their best friend's girlfriend?’ 

Chapter 10

Unbalanced Series Masterlist

Your eyes shot open after only a few hours of sleep. The heightening anxiety in your system was calmed a little when you remembered your friends were next to you. Van and Shauna had essentially sandwiched you between them. You began to slowly sit up and peel your blanket off, careful not to wake any of the girls next to you. The floorboard creaked slightly upon standing, making you stop your movements. Only Tai turned a little, but she seemed to be asleep still. You exhaled the breath you were holding and walked across the room, your mind instantly picking up where it left off last night. 

Bile immediately began to rise up your throat when you peered out the attic window. You had to brace yourself on the old wooden frame as you took in the sight outside. The darkness that covered the wilderness last night had been replaced by a thick layer of frozen white. 

“No…” you choked out. 

You turned and ran to the hatch dividing the floors of the cabin, practically falling down the ladder with your hastiness. 

Shauna had felt you were awake the moment you sat up. She was trying to give you some space, pretending to still be asleep. Until she heard you bolt. 

“Shit” she muttered, “Van!”, she gave your best friend a shove to wake her up as she quickly followed behind you. 

You ran through the living area of the cabin, tripping over many of your sleeping friends in the process. You paid them no mind, your brain was focused on one thing only. You wretched open the cabin door, a cool gust of wind filling the heated room. 

The breath left your lungs as you stepped onto the cold wooden boards of the porch. You didn’t bother to put on shoes, the socks on your feet offering minimal protection in the changed weather. You crunched into the frozen white powder as you hurried over to the now extinguished fire pit, dropping to your knees when you spotted a small triangle of blue sticking out. The fabric of the blue blanket Jackie had left the cabin with yesterday. 

“No, no, no. No, no, no, Jackie!” You cried out. 

You began to dig into the thick pile of snow, your hands turning red and becoming numb from the harsh temperature of the icy substance. “No, no, no, no, no” you repeated with tears pouring down your face. 

Shauna hesitated for a brief moment when she reached the porch, surprised by the snowfall. She quickly rushed over to you as your teammates gathered just outside of the cabin, stunned. 

“No, Jackie!” You sobbed, finally freeing the snow covered blue blanked from its frozen confines. 

“Y/N, Y/N, stop, stop it's okay” Shauna tried, gently grabbing your arms from behind. 

“Jackie” you cried, your breathing erratic. 

“Y/N!” Shauna said louder, “It’s okay” 

You choked out a sound that didn’t present itself as words. Your numb hands clenched around the frozen blue blanket as you shook your head. 

“No…no” 

Shauna gripped your shoulders, forcing you to look at her. “Jackie’s okay, I brought her in”. 

It had taken you forever to finally fall asleep. Shauna had watched you lay there, just staring at the wall that blocked your view of where Jackie was outside. When your eyes finally closed, an unspoken conversation passed between Shauna and Van. No words were needed for the pair to convey the amount of guilt each was holding. They both turned on their sides, facing you, bracketing you in between them. A small, false sense of security emitting from the close distance. Neither daring to reach out and touch you, afraid to disturb the limited peace your mind and body so desperately needed. 

Eventually, Van allowed her eyes to shut. She entered a light sleep, her subconscious mind staying alert for any changes to the girl sleeping next to her. 

Shauna barely blinked. Her mind was constantly running, repeating everything that had played out that day, desperately trying to make sense of it. She had so many things she wanted to ask you. She needed to know more. More of what she missed. What she ignored. What she allowed Jackie to do to you since you’ve been out here. Shauna felt an insufferable amount of regret, feeling a weight of responsibility for your pain. She knew she should have said something sooner. Done something sooner. She thinks back to all the times she heard Jackie say something distasteful to you and stayed quiet. The times she saw you together and something just didn’t feel right. And still she did nothing. She rationalized at the time that Jackie was her best friend, and you were her girlfriend. That she needed to stay in her place. But Shauna knew her rationalization was a cop out. Shauna was just too afraid to tear the fabric of the delicately weaved cloth that held your relationship with Jackie together. The same cloth that held Jackie and Shauna’s friendship together. That held you together. 

Shauna sighs through her nose. If fucking Misty hadn’t interrupted her that morning on the porch, maybe some of this could have been avoided. She couldn’t change what happened to you back at home. But maybe she could have stopped some of the heartache she’s sure you’ve suffered out here. 

That’s a big maybe. 

Shauna thinks about how even after everything, you fell asleep worried about Jackie. A part of Shauna believes that if Van would have let you, you’d have made your way outside to her by now. In a perfect world, you would be done with Jackie and her cruelty. But Shauna knows this isn’t a perfect world. A pit in her stomach forms when she thinks about the possibility of you going back to her…forgiving her. 

A cool chill has made itself known in the old attic. You’ve scooted closer to Shauna in your sleep, not quite touching, but close enough to where she can feel your body heat. Shauna stares at your sleeping face before carefully moving out of her blanket to stand up. 

This awoke Van from her light slumber. 

“What are you doing?” she whispered, careful not to wake you. 

“Just keep her asleep” Shauna replied. 

Van was confused and wanted to ask Shauna more, but Tai’s hand on her arm stopped her. Tai nodded down towards you, a reminder that they didn’t want to risk pulling you out of your slumber. Van nodded and moved closer to you, and the pair watched as Shauna carefully made her way down the attic steps. 

Shauna moved through the living area, stepping over the bodies of your sleeping teammates. Her path only lit by the glow of embers in the fireplace. She opened the cabin door, and was surprised by the cold air that greeted her. She walked forward, the determination in her mind fueled by one desire. 

“Get up” she said without emotion, lightly kicking at the blanket wrapped body at her feet. 

No response made Shauna clench her fist, delivering a harder kick, “Get up” she said with a harsher tone. 

“Ow! Wha- go away” Jackie grumbled, turning to see the brunette standing above her. 

“Jackie, get the fuck up” 

Jackie’s silence enraged Shauna. She didn’t come out here to play games or grovel. Shauna ripped the blanket off the girl. She bent down and yanked Jackie up, grabbing her by her arm and the torso of the varsity jacket she was wearing. 

“What the hell are you doing!” Jackie complained, trying to shove Shauna away. 

Shauna didn’t respond. She hooked one arm around Jackie’s waist and the other around her neck, making it difficult for Jackie to move. Shauna unceremoniously dragged her into the cabin, Jackie smacking Shauna and yelling at her to let go. 

Shauna threw Jackie through the cabin door, releasing her with a shove. By now, most of the girls had woken up due to the commotion. 

“What the fuck is your problem Shipman!?” Jackie panted. 

“Even after everything you’ve done, she’s still worried about you being out there. Not that you deserve it. So stay the fuck inside Jackie. You don’t get to put any more negative shit on her conscience” Shauna spat out. She was breathing heavily, glaring into Jackie’s eyes. 

Jackie’s face dropped a minuscule amount. Just enough for Shauna to notice. 

Shauna glanced around the room, her eyes landing on Nat. “She stays inside” is all Shauna said before retreating to the attic.

“Jackie’s fine. Look” Shauna said, turning you towards where all your teammates stood on the porch. You frantically look between them, your panic not easing, until a flash of hazel catches your eyes. 

Leaned against a post with her arms wrapped around herself stood Jackie. 

“But…she-” you looked down at the blanket in your hands, holding it impossibly tighter. You were suddenly becoming aware of the coldness seeping through your plaid pajama pants and the chilled air hitting your bare arms.  

“She’s okay, I brought her in” Shauna reassured you again. 

You returned your attention to Jackie. Shauna was right. She was standing right there. But the crunch of the blanket in your hands, and the numbness infiltrating your skin reeled on the thought that Jackie was still laying here. That she was laying right where you saw her out of the window last night, and instead you chose to go to sleep. If Shauna wouldn’t have gone out there, Jackie would have probably died. And it would have been your fault. All because you had to open your mouth yesterday. You should have just gone with Jackie when she told you to. You shouldn’t have gone against her. 

The sound of approaching footsteps didn’t get your attention. 

“Come on” Van tried, crouching down next to you. She reached out to touch your arm, making you flinch. She gave you an apologetic half smile. 

“Let’s go back in. You’re freezing” 

You deserved to be, you thought. Imagine what would have happened to Jackie. Why should you get to be in the warmth? 

“Y/N” Shauna called your name softly. Her and Van each lightly grabbed under one of your arms, lifting to encourage you to stand up. You reluctantly did so, still clutching the cold, blue blanket. You dragged it with you as you walked the short distance back into the cabin. 

Jackie was still standing near the post as you approached. She looked at you and with a crease in her forehead, her hazel eyes sporting a worried gaze. 

You stared at her with hot silent tears still dripping down your face. Your jaw quivered as your step faltered, broken breaths leaving your mouth. Shauna spared a glance at Jackie before continuing to guide you inside.

“Y/N-” Jackie softly started as she took a step towards you, only to be quickly cut off by Van stepping in front of her.  

“Don’t” 

“Van, you have to let me talk to her” 

“No. Especially not right now. You’ve done enough” Van calmly said, though she was still fighting to control her anger towards the girl. She knew that there was a very real chance of this being an uphill battle with you and Jackie. But she’ll be damned if she doesn’t do whatever she can about it. She’s not going to sit on the sidelines and just watch you get hurt any longer. She knows you’re in a fragile state right now, even worse than last night. A perfect state for Jackie to try to manipulate you and worm her way back in. 

-----

The roaring flames of the fireplace projected warmth onto your cold skin. Your body was shivering as you sat on one of the hard wooden chairs, as close to the fire as your teammates could safely get you. 

“Here” you heard Mari’s voice, but you didn’t look up. You were staring down at the blue blanket in your hands, still covered in snow. 

There was murmuring in the background, voices and conversations you were blocking out. You caught glimpses of Mari’s yellow hoodie sleeves and the appearance of a light brown blanket making its way over your shoulders. 

The murmurs continued until red hair was in your field of vision, crouched down in front of you. 

“Buddy…hey” 

Your lack of a response prompted Van to place one of her hands on the arm of the wooden chair. Not touching you, but enough to get your attention. 

Once your eyes met hers, she continued. 

“You should get different clothes on” 

Your socks and pants were wet from the melting snow. You were cold. But you deserved to be. 

You shook your head, looking back towards the floor.  

Van sighed, “Okay, well at least put this down. Your hands are freezing” she touched the blue blanket in your grip. 

Your eyes shot up to Van’s in a panic, yanking the blanket towards you and gripping it as tight as you could. 

“Woah okay, okay” she said lightly, trying to coax you down, “No one’s taking it. Please just…put your hands by the fire at least, okay?” 

You adjusted your hold on the blanket so your hands were on the outside, and you were hugging the cloth instead of twisting your hands in it.

“Alright” Van said, standing up. 

She made her way over to where a group of your friends were talking. 

“No” 

“Shauna” 

“No, Tai” 

“Natalie’s right” 

“Right about what?” Van asked, inserting herself in the conversation. 

Shauna crossed her arms and glared at Tai and Nat. “Why don’t you tell Van your brilliant idea” 

“We think you should let Jackie talk to her” Tai said carefully. 

“Are you kidding me Tai, no!” Van protested. 

“Van” Nat interjected “Look, it’s obvious that whatever that was out there is because of what happened yesterday” 

“You don’t know anything” Shauna cut in. 

“Maybe I don’t. But look at her. I know she looks a million fucking miles away. And we all heard her up there freaking out last night. Look, I agree Jackie’s a piece of shit for what she did, but I think we all know that she’s also the only one that can fix this right now” Nat says gesturing over to you. 

Van sighs and looks over at you. You’re getting that glazed over look again, just staring at nothing. 

“You’re not actually considering this” Shauna asks Van. 

“What else are we gonna do? I don’t like it either. But. Fuck” 

Van marches over to where Jackie is sitting in the corner near Melissa. She pulls her up without saying a word and drags her over to the group. 

“Listen to me. You did this, so you need to fucking fix it. And you better tread carefully. Not one line of bullshit out of your mouth. No excuses, no fake apologies, nothing. Don’t even touch her. Just sit there and let her see you’re okay. Got it?” 

Jackie nodded her head. 

“I mean it Jackie. One wrong move and I swear to god I’ll throw you back out there myself” Van threatened. 

Jackie looked at everyone in the group before walking over to you. Everyone stared as they watched her approach. 

You ignored the movement in front of you, until you saw familiar dirty blonde hair sit down against the stones surrounding the fireplace. Jackie. 

Your attention focused on her and you moved your hands back to the blanket in your lap. It was now damp from the snow melt, but still you curled your hands in its fabric. Jackie didn’t speak at first. Part of you thought she was a figment of your imagination, that the real Jackie was still outside in the cold. You breathed unsteadily as you continued to stare at her. Jackie noticed the slight shiver still running through your body, your wet clothes and blanket certainly not helping. 

“You’ll dry off faster without it” she said quietly, glancing down at the blue blanket in your grasp. You looked down at it before returning your eyes to hers. 

“You’re cold” 

You gave her a slight nod, not really trusting that this is real still. 

“Here…let me have it” she dared to reach out, grabbing the end of the blanket on your lap. You stared at her as she began to gently pull the fabric. “Let go, it’s alright”

Van tightened her hand into a fist watching the interaction, “What the hell is she doing” she muttered. 

“Just wait” Tai encouraged, keeping a close eye on things herself. 

Jackie pulled the fabric free from your grip. She set it in front of the fireplace, where the heat would allow it to dry. Tears began to well in your eyes as you looked at the girl. 

“You’re-” You whispered, cutting yourself off. What were you going to ask her? If she was real? You’d sound as crazy as Lottie. But you were desperate to know that the girl kneeling in front of you was really okay, and not just some trick your mind is playing on you. 

“I’m fine” Jackie said, almost sensing the battle taking place in your mind.

“Jackie” you whispered in a broken tone as the tears silently fell. You leaned forward and out of the chair, your knees hitting the hard wood floor. Jackie’s arms wrapped around you in an instant. You rested your forehead on her shoulder, inhaling her scent, feeling her warmth. Pushing away all the thoughts that have been ravaging your mind besides one: Jackie was okay. 

Shauna’s jaw was clenched so hard it looked like she may break her teeth. 

“Was this part of your great idea? Now we’re right back where we fucking started” 

“Chill. She’s not going to just forget everything Jackie did” Nat replied. 

Shauna wasn’t so sure about that. 

Jackie sat with you by the fire until it was time for breakfast. Mari was stirring the morning broth while Gen prepared the tea, Misty being banned from going anywhere near the food since Doomcoming. 

“Can you please change your clothes before we eat?” Van said approaching you again. She hadn’t taken her eyes off you and Jackie once. You hadn’t spoken much since your hug, you’ve mainly just sat there next to Jackie, looking at her every now and then. 

Your clothes dried quite a bit since coming in, though your socks were still damp. As much as you still thought you deserved to suffer, you agree to Van’s request. 

You stood up and glanced down at Jackie, who gave you a small smile in return. 

“Come on” Van encouraged. You missed the look she shot Jackie as you walked away towards the attic. 

Van had turned around so you could get changed. You’re not sure why she insisted on coming with you, you were capable of changing your clothes yourself. You were pulling on your blue Yellowjackets embroidered hoodie when you muttered an “okay” letting her know she could turn around. She looked satisfied that you were in warmer, dry clothes. She stopped you as you made your way back towards the ladder. 

“Wait. We need to talk” 

You froze in place. “I don’t want to” you mumbled. 

“I know. But we have to” 

You kept your eyes fixated on the floor and shoved your hands in your hoodie pocket, waiting for it to come. How naive you had been. Of course you’ve made Van angry too. 

“You hear me?” 

You must have zoned out and missed whatever Van was saying. You had a habit of doing that. It drove Jackie crazy. 

“Hey” Van came a little closer to you, causing you to take a rushed step backwards. You didn’t see the way Van immediately paused her footsteps, or take in the gentle tone of her voice. 

“I’m sorry” you rushed out. 

“Sorry? Why are you sorry? Y/N. It’s me?” 

“I know” 

She stood confused. “Can you look at me? Please?” 

You shook your head in a jerky motion, your eyes not lifting from the floor. 

“Why not?” 

“I don’t want you to yell at me” you whispered. 

“Buddy, I’m not gonna yell at you. Why would you think that?” 

You took a chance and looked up at Van. You weren’t met with anger or violence. It wasn’t a trick or a trap. She was genuinely wanting to just talk to you. 

“You’re not mad?” You whispered. 

Van shook her head, “No. I just want to talk to you dude” 

You eyed her before nodding, sitting down on the floor against the wall. Van joined you, gauging your reaction to her closeness. You seemed okay, so she stayed. 

“I know you’re not going to want to talk about this. But we need to. It’s important. And I want you to remember that I’m not mad, okay? You’re not in trouble or anything like that” Van reassured you. 

“Okay…” 

“Look. I know this morning must have felt fucked up. The past few days really. But you know Jackie is okay, right? Nothing bad happened.” 

“It could’ve” you said passively, fiddling with your sleeve cuffs. 

“But it didn’t. She’s downstairs. She’s fine” 

You looked up at her as she continued. 

“I just. I don’t want you to forget about yesterday. About everything she’s done” 

You think for a moment, returning your attention back to your sleeves. 

“You really think I’d ever be able to forget?” You asked quietly. 

“I think Jackie has a way of drawing you in. And that’s not your fault.” 

“She could have died, Van” you said sadly. 

“But she didn’t. And that doesn’t mean you need to go running back to her, or that you owe her something. I know it hurts, and that this morning was scary. But I need you to remember how yesterday felt too. Please just. Don’t go back to her” Van begged. 

“I don’t know how” you admitted. “I just feel sad and confused. I feel like I’m going insane. I - I don’t know what to do Van” your voice broke as tears began to fall down your face. 

“Then let me help” she pleaded. You let her wrap her arm around you as you cried into her shoulder. 

“I wish I would’ve just died in the crash” you whispered through tears. 

“Hey. Don’t say that. Do you hear me? Don’t you ever say that” Van’s voice faltered and she gripped you tightly, wrapping her free hand around your head. “I love you dude. I need you here” 

Once you calmed down, you made your way downstairs with Van for breakfast. Your eyes caught the sight of Jackie standing near Melissa and Robin, sipping a cup of tea. Your heart was torn. You still felt guilty for what could have happened to Jackie last night. You feel responsible for her argument with Shauna, you don’t know if they’ll be able to recover from such a fallout. And there’s a part of you that still loves Jackie. A part of you that wants to just walk over to her and pretend the past few days never happened. Yet, you knew deep down that Van was right…Jackie wasn’t good for you. You couldn’t forget the things she did to you, even if you tried. It’s like your mind has been conditioned to just push aside the hurt and box it up, making room to accept more. But you don’t want to make room for more hurt. You’ve had enough to last a lifetime. Maybe you do deserve it though, contrary to what Van says. Maybe surviving the crash was your punishment. 

“I got you a bowl” 

Shauna’s soft voice grabs your attention, silencing your thoughts before they can begin to run away again. 

She’s sitting on a bench near the window, the warm bowl of broth slightly outstretched in her hands. You spare another look at Jackie before you decide to take a seat next to Shauna, accepting the food from her. 

Across the room, Jackie watches you. Her expression unreadable. 

“Thanks” you say quietly to Shauna. She gives you a soft smile in return. You eat quietly, her presence providing a calming effect that you don’t quite understand, or have the energy to think about right now. You just know that being around Shauna tends to make things better. It always has. 

-----

The hours passed in silence. You watched your teammates go about their days, doing tasks around the cabin, chatting, hanging out. No one wanting to venture out into the cold unless needed. You didn’t participate. You didn’t engage with your friends. Not so subtle glances kept being thrown your way, like your fellow Yellowjackets were just waiting for you to break again. Perhaps they were right to worry, you couldn’t really blame them. You felt unstable. Torn between two paths, each bringing their own set of fears and tribulations. You could only sit at the fork for so long, you had to choose one. Time wasn’t on your side, you didn’t have the luxury of waiting it out and ignoring it. Not with how things had been escalating. Not with how fragile your mind has become.

“It’s weighing on you” 

You looked up to see Lottie hovering near you. You didn’t have the energy to deal with her. She mistook your silence as an invitation, taking a seat on the floor across from you. She gazed at you with that look in her eyes that was always slightly unsettling. 

“You need to open yourself up. Let the wilderness guide you. Let It provide” 

You pulled your knees up to your chest and rested your head on your crossed arms. 

“And what, let you cut me open again?” You asked in a soft tone. 

Lottie shook her head, “No. Let It take away your pain” 

You scrunched your eyebrows, taking a moment before answering the girl.“How?” 

Lottie reached out to you, only to be interrupted by Shauna walking through her outstretched hand. Shauna glared down at Lottie before turning to you. 

“I need your help out in the meat shed” 

You looked at Shauna confused. She never needed help butchering the meat. She usually never wanted help. 

You glanced at Lottie, that same unsettling look never leaving her eyes, before you stood up, accepting Shauna’s outstretched hand for support. 

“Grab one of the coats. It’s cold” Shauna told you before heading over to the door to wait for you. Her tone was sort of chipped, not the way she normally spoke to you. You went to the bedroom closet and selected one of the cabin guys jackets, a thick black one lined with flannel. It was a little big, but it was warm. You pulled up your sweatshirt hood and followed Shauna outside, her pace intentional as she led you out to the meat shed. Once inside, she closed the metal door brought from the airplane to block the cold wind. 

You stood and watched as she pulled a slab of bear meat from the stack and brought it over to the small butchering table she had dragged inside. She pulled her knife from her pocket and began to cut the meat into smaller pieces, you presume for dinner. 

“Shauna” you asked quietly, sensing you had done something wrong. 

Shauna didn’t respond. You only heard the tapping sound of her knife hitting the wooden board become more intense. You swallowed hard, curling your fingers in your sleeves. 

“Shauna” you whispered. 

She stopped her movements and set the knife down on the table with more than needed force. The sound made you jump. 

“What else does Lottie have to do to you to show you she’s dangerous” 

Your silence finally made Shauna turn around to face you. Her tense demeanor instantly softened seeing you standing there, looking like a deer in headlights. She breathed out a long breath to calm herself down. 

“I just want you to be careful” she said, her tone much more akin to how she normally interacts with you. 

You nodded a little before asking, “Are you mad?” 

“Not at you” Shauna was quiet for a minute before she continued, “Van told me what you said” 

You looked at her questioningly. 

“About wishing you had died on the plane” 

You looked down. You should be mad that Van told her. But you’re not. 

“I’m more trouble than I’m worth” you admit. 

“Those are Jackie’s words” 

Your eyes meet Shauna’s, “Maybe she’s right” 

“She’s not” 

“I almost got your best friend killed, Shauna. Your friendship is probably destroyed because of me. If you wouldn’t have gone out there, she’d have frozen to death. You should hate me” you ramble out. 

There’s a pause of silence before Shauna responds. 

“I could never hate you” her tone was quiet and sincere. “Y/N…I only went out there last night because of you. Because you were so worried. It was my fight that made her go outside, not yours. I’m just so sorry that you got hurt because of it” 

You looked between Shauna’s brown doe eyes as she continued. 

“I would drag you off that plane every time” 

You focused on your breathing as you took in Shauna’s words. You didn’t think you deserved her kindness or concern. Yet she gave them anyway, without expecting anything in return. 

Your mouth opened and closed a few times, your brain trying to come up with the right words to say. 

“I don’t know what to do about Jackie” is what you settled on. You’re not sure if that was the best choice, but it’s what came to mind. 

Shauna nodded, “What do you think you should do?” 

“I don’t know. Van wants me to stay away from her” 

“What do you want?” She asked, almost afraid of your answer. 

“I want…to not feel like this anymore” you admitted. 

She nodded, encouraging you to continue. 

“I. I just want this to stop. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to be scared anymore Shauna” unshed tears began to form in your eyes. 

Scared. You finally admitted you were scared. Of Jackie? Your dad? The wilderness? Maybe all of them. Maybe of yourself. Maybe you were scared of moving forward. Scared of the idea of peace. Maybe you were scared at the possibility of being happy. Without Jackie. 

-----

Beams of light reflected through the foggy glass of the attic window, signaling the start of yet another day. It has been three days since that morning you thought you were fated to find Jackie’s frozen corpse. The team began to adjust to the winter conditions, coming up with new plans and things to do before the temperatures continued to plummet. 

Travis and Natalie resumed their morning hunts. The bear meat wouldn’t last forever, and game was proving to be near impossible to find. They used this time to search for Javi as well. The boy had been missing since Doomcoming. You grew worried at what his fate may be given the chilled air and snowfall. You keep your thoughts to yourself, enough doubt and worry has been cast around camp as it is. 

You’ve been keeping to yourself mainly. Your mind is still plagued by haunted memories and thoughts of what you needed to do. Your friends have tried to interact with you. They don’t give up. You appreciate them. You know you’re hard to deal with. 

And then there’s Jackie. She’s been lingering around more, slyly trying to use the snow and cold as an excuse to stay near you. Her presence that brought you such relief merely days ago now has you on edge. Van and Shauna’s words finally sink into your brain. Jackie was fine. Knowing that no harm had or would come to her settled something inside of you. Which unfortunately allowed your prior thoughts to resurface. Your thoughts from Doomcoming. You don’t spiral again, at least not outwardly. But there’s something building up inside of you. Something you’re not sure you can keep the lid on this time. 

“Can I talk to you?” 

You look up to find the topic of your thoughts standing in front of you. You look around, trying to spot Van or Shauna. Shauna must be out at the meat shed. You don’t know where Van is. Maybe with Tai somewhere. You did see them go outside a while ago. 

“Um. Why?” You ask nervously. It’s usually never a good thing when Jackie asks to talk. 

“About us…Please?” 

She gave you a pleading look that you couldn’t refuse. 

“Alright” 

You head out to the porch for a little privacy, not wanting to air out even more of your business to the entire team. 

You sit with one leg hanging off the edge of the boards, the other bent beneath you, turned towards Jackie. You stay quiet, waiting for her to start. 

“Look I just. I need you to know how sorry I am” 

“Jackie-”

“Wait. Just. Let me finish.” She says, but there’s no bite to her words. You nod as she continues. 

“I’m so sorry for what I said during that argument in front of everyone. You didn’t deserve that.” Her eyes were fixed on you. She seemed sincere. “And I need you to believe me when I tell you that nothing happened with Travis” 

There it was. She couldn’t just apologize. You wrapped your fingers around the cuffs of your sweatshirt sleeves. It was now or never. 

“Why were you up there then?” 

“What?” 

“If nothing happened, what were you doing up there?” 

She stared at you, surprised by your question. Usually you didn’t push back. 

“You accused me of cheating on you with Shauna” you said quietly. “You always get mad at me for even talking to our friends. But they found you in the attic with him, and I’m not supposed to question it?” 

“Y/N-”

“I saw you with Jeff that night Jackie. You wanted me to see. Because I didn’t want to have sex. I didn’t want to on Doomcoming either, and then you ended up with Travis” 

“That’s not what happened” 

“Then what did?” You asked, fighting your nerves. Your voice was quiet and you were trying to keep it from shaking, but you couldn’t stop now. 

“Okay yeah. I went up there with him because I was mad at you. I- I kissed him but that was it. I left right after that because it felt wrong and I was grossed out. I came to find you before Lottie shoved me in the closet. I swear Y/N.”

“You were mad at me… because you were trying to make me have sex with you when I didn’t want to? Because he…” 

“What? No-” 

“You told me I needed to get over it” 

“That’s not what I meant. You’re twisting my words around” 

But you weren’t. You remember exactly what Jackie said to you. You remembered her grip in your hair and the stains that still lingered on your pants knees. 

You sighed. “It doesn’t even matter” you mumbled. 

“What?” 

“Whether you fucked him or not. It doesn’t matter” 

“What are you saying?” 

“I’m glad you’re okay Jackie” you gazed at her, sad sincerity lacing your voice, “Really. I couldn’t imagine if…” you shook your head. “But I’m not okay. I…I haven’t been for a long time. Since before the plane crashed” 

You brought your shaky hands up to your neck and dug them beneath the layers of your shirt collars. You unclasped the chain around your head and grasped it in your hand, letting yourself feel its familiar weight and comfort one last time. You stretched your hand out and waited for Jackie to open hers. In her palm you placed her golden heart necklace. She had placed it around your neck shortly after the crash. The slim gold pendant that once brought you so much comfort now felt like a shackle. 

She stared at the necklace in her hand and shot back at you, “What so this is it? You’re seriously breaking up with me over something that isn’t even true?! I didn’t fucking sleep with Travis!” 

“You still don’t get it” you muttered.

“Get what!?” 

“You’re not nice to me Jackie!” You stood up and shouted, frustrated tears pooling in your eyes. “God. You yell at me all the time. You make me do things I don’t want to. You…you saw what he did to me! But you’ve still made me feel like a burden for not wanting to have sex with you. And you told everyone! How could you do that to me?! I’ve spent practically my whole life getting the shit beat out of me and…god…you’re just like him!” 

“That’s not true” she said in a small voice. 

“Yes it is! You’ve hit me Jackie. You say awful things to me, all the time. Even when it does feel like I’m actually your girlfriend, it’s like I’m just always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know it’s never going to last, because any little thing sets you off. Nothing I ever do is good enough for you!”. Tears are falling down your face as your voice breaks, “All I ever wanted was for you to love me. Why can’t you just love me back?” 

“I do” Jackie’s eyes brim with tears that she tries to hide as she looks at you. 

You shake your head, stifling a sob. “No you don’t. You just love the idea of me. And I. I can’t do it anymore Jackie. I can’t” 

Jackie stood and walked towards you, “Y/N come on” 

“You heard her” 

Shauna stood several feet from the porch, her face solid. Neither you or Jackie noticed her return from the meat shed. 

You sniffled and turned, only to see Tai and Van standing alongside Travis and Nat. If you had to guess, you assume everyone inside was listening too. Great.  

You step off the side of the porch and walk towards the treeline. You’re not dressed to be out in the cold for long. But you don’t care. You don’t want to face everyone in the cabin. You don’t want to face Jackie. You feel like throwing up from what you just said. 

You walk with hot angry tears blurring your vision. 

A hand on your shoulder stops your hurried pace. You spin around and shove the body behind you without looking. 

“Go!” You yell. 

The person slips a little in the snow but remains firmly in front of you. You shove again, crying with a grunt. 

“Stop” they say. 

You shove again. 

“Stop” 

Another shove. 

“Y/N, stop” 

Your biceps are pinned to your sides as strong arms wrap around you, pulling you in and holding you tight.

“Stop…stop”

You grab the coat in front of you, ready to shove again. But instead clutch the fabric, and press your face into it, the tears falling from your eyes staining the outer layer. You cry out your frustrations and your nerves. The reality of what you just did hitting you hard. A necessary yet gut wrenching decision you never thought you would have to make. You don’t know where to go from here. You don’t know what to do or how to be. You don’t know if this was the first step in getting your mind to heal, or if this was another decision leading you closer to the edge. 

“I’ve got you” the promise of Shauna’s voice whispered its way into your ears. 

How does the narrative change if Shauna brings Jackie inside?🤭 Our reader's mind is all over the place here, our girl stays struggling. Do we think that will change? Maybe? We'll see 😉 Also this took forever to post, I kept getting so many errors because of the stupid indents. Hopefully it looks okay broken up. PSA- I've changed up my masterlist, Unbalanced will have it's own series masterlist linked within the main page.

Chapter 9

Unbalanced Series Masterlist

The beams of the morning sunrise blared into your eyes, forcing them open. Feeling the light breeze and earth beneath your hands, you realized you were outside. You sat up slowly, a massive headache already brewing. Several feet away from you, lying on a bench next to the now dead fire pit was Natalie. Her arm was thrown over her eyes, trying to block out the rising sun. You shifted your hand and came into contact with another body. You turned to see Shauna’s sleeping form beside you. You stared at her for a moment before nearby movement caught your attention. 

A group of your teammates were waking up near you. You hadn’t realized they had joined you all here in the night. Though, it looked like some were missing. Noticeably, Lottie, Travis, Javi, and Jackie. 

You shook Shauna’s arm to wake her up, seeing everyone making their way over. 

“Does everyone else have a hangover as bad as I do?” Coach Ben asked as he sat down on the bench next to Nat, who was now sitting upright. 

“Yeah well mushrooms will do that” she muttered. 

“Mushrooms? Yep that explains it” Van said, holding her head. 

There was a discussion amongst some of them, revealing to those who didn’t already know that Misty was responsible for your mushroom induced adventure last night. Mari was chastising Misty more when you interrupted her, lost your own thoughts. 

“Why did we sleep outside?” 

Some of the girls stared at you in bemusement. 

“Dude, you totally freaked out and wouldn’t let anyone go inside” Mari explained. 

You scrunched your eyebrows and looked at Shauna. It took a minute for you to remember. Your memory was a bit foggy. 

“Oh. Right…” you tried to hide your heated face. 

“What the hell, is that blood?” Van suddenly chimed in. She was pointing out where the cut on your neck had leaked onto the collar of your grey shirt. 

Your answer was cut off by a pounding sound. 

“What is that?” 

“It’s coming from inside” Nat said, already walking towards the cabin. 

You followed a few feet behind her, waiting in the doorframe. The rest of the group gathered around as well. 

“What the….” Nat said to herself as she came up to the locked pantry door. She slid the lock open and pushed the door free. “…Jackie?” 

Jackie was still in her green dress from the previous night. In a matter of seconds, that green dress was stood in front of you. 

“Where the fuck were you?!” Jackie spat at you as she gave you a slight shove. 

“I-”

“Hey, relax” Nat said, urging Jackie to step away. 

“I was locked in there all night and you never thought to come find me!?” 

“Jackie” Shauna cut in, getting her friend’s attention. 

Jackie looked out to see everyone still in their Doomcoming outfits. 

“Wait, were you guys out here all night?” She asked, confused. 

“Yeah. Misty drugged everyone” Mari chided. 

“I told you it was an accident!” The blonde girl defended. 

Jackie took that moment to turn back to you. You could tell she was still annoyed, but was calming down. “Well…are you alright at least?” 

“Yeah…I guess” 

“Uh no, what about the blood?” Van asked. 

“Blood?” Jackie eyeballed you until she saw the blood Van was talking about. She pulled down your collar to get a better look, “What the hell happened?!” 

“Lottie had a fucking knife to her throat” Natalie informed. 

A chorus of ‘what’s’ erupted from the group, asking for more information. 

“I don’t know. Me and Shauna just walked up on it. She was saying all this crazy shit too” 

“What the fuck dude are you okay?” Van asked, not letting the topic go. 

“I’m fine, really. The mushrooms must have just messed everyone up. It’s not a big deal” you played off. 

“She almost killed you” Shauna’s voice broke through for the first time since the discussion started. 

At that, everyone got quiet. You directed your attention to the brunette, making eye contact. You see that same look in her eyes that made itself known last night. The one meant only for you. The one that is still there, even after the impacts of the mushrooms and berry booze have left your mind. 

“Where even is Lottie?” you ask instead of addressing Shauna’s statement. 

Because what Shauna said is the truth. Lottie did almost kill you. If Natalie and Shauna hadn’t stumbled upon you when they did…you’re not sure Lottie would have stopped. You’re not sure you would have stopped her. Lottie’s words began to recirculate in your head. Most of it was nonsense, you thought. Just Lottie being…Lottie, obsessed with the wilderness and trees. But something she said appealed to you in a way you couldn’t shake; Let It take away your pain. 

“Who the fuck cares, come on” Jackie led you inside. 

Some of the girls and Coach Ben made their way into the cabin as well. The others stood around outside looking at each other. 

“So are we not going to talk about what Jackie did last night?” 

-----

“Jax it’s fine” you said, pulling your head away from where your girlfriend was dabbing at your neck with a wet rag. 

“That psycho cut your throat open, it’s not fine” 

“It’s just a scratch” you reassured, reaching up to grab her hand and lowering it away from your neck. “How did you end up locked in there anyways?” You asked, nodding your head over to the pantry. 

“I don’t know, there was an argument and Lottie shoved me in there. Then I guess you all just stayed outside the rest of the night” 

“Wait, Lottie locked you in there? Why would she do that?” You questioned confused. 

“Why would she try to gut you?” Jackie muttered. 

“What was the argument about?” 

“What?” 

“The argument…why-” 

The sound of raised voices outside caught your attention, causing you to trail off. You locked eyes with Jackie and stood up, making your way to the door with the others who were inside. 

You walked out to see Lottie and Travis had returned. Albeit not to a very warm welcome. 

“What were you thinking Lott?!” 

“What the hell were you going to do to her?!” 

Through the commotion, you made eye contact with Travis for several seconds before he looked away. He looked almost nervous…or, guilty?

“You were all chasing the stag. What we needed was the hind” Lottie uttered, her voice calm. 

“What the hell does that even mean?”

Lottie chose that moment to look at you, everyone following her gaze. 

“Look Lott, I don’t know what you think happened last night but-” you started. 

A rumbling in the bushes cut you off. The team panicked, trying to figure out what the disturbance could possibly be. Out of the treeline appeared a large brown bear. Everyone retreated to the cabin porch, questioning what to do. The bear was slow to approach, but not any less terrifying. 

Lottie asked for the knife from Shauna. The very knife that had been held at your throat the previous night. Shauna hadn’t let it out of her sight sense. She reluctantly handed it over, and Lottie took careful paces towards the large beast. Your teammates urged her to stop and come back, but Lottie silenced them all. In a stunning and bizarre turn of events, the bear laid down, as if it were surrendering to the tall girl. She wasted no time and plunged the knife deep into the bear's skull. The creature fell dead with a groan. 

“I told you we wouldn’t be hungry for much longer” Lottie finally spoke to no one in particular. 

She walked back up to the group, returning the knife to Shauna. She then moved to stand in front of you, eyeing you like she had just solved part of a puzzle. 

“You spilled blood. The wilderness rewards your offering. I told you. You know what to do now” she reached up to try to touch your neck. 

“Don’t fucking touch her” Jackie swatted her hand away. 

“Jackie don’t you see, this is what It wanted” 

“What, the fucking trees wanted you to kill her?!” 

Lottie scrunched her eyebrows and slightly shook her head, “No…I wasn’t going to do that” 

“It sure didn’t look like that to us Lott” Natalie chimed in. 

Lottie turned to look at Natalie and Shauna. 

“Shauna-”

“What were you going to do if we didn’t show up?” Shauna’s expression left no room for games. 

“The wilderness provided. Thanks to her. That’s all I wanted. We need her Shauna. I wouldn’t do anything to ruin that” 

Shauna clearly had enough of Lottie’s ramblings. Thankfully, Tai decided it was time to have everyone take a breather. 

“Alright let’s just…take a break here, yeah? We finally have some real food to eat. Who cares how we got it right now. We should get it prepared” Tai told the group. 

“Yeah” you agreed, ready to put this entire Doomcoming fiasco behind you. You had food. Meat. If a small cut on your neck from your lunatic teammate was what you had to pay for it, then so be it at this point. 

It took hours to get the bear cut up. It became a group project, ensuring every bit of the animal was being used to its full potential. If you all rationed it correctly, the bear meat could feed you for a while. 

Unfortunately, the bear turning up brought new chatter to some of the group. Chatter concerning Lottie. Wondering how she knew and why the bear didn’t attack her. Just encouraging her behavior really. You were thankful for the food, but then again your teammates weren’t the ones Lottie was insisting was a sacrifice to the trees or whatever she said. 

You were down by the lake, attempting to wash the bear blood off of your hands when Van approached you.

“Apparently you weren’t the only one that had an adventure in the woods yesterday” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Travis” 

“Oh, yeah. I ran into him last night. Well. He ran into me actually. I thought he was a tree” 

Van gave you a look of confusion “uhh?”

“I don’t know dude. Blame the mushrooms. Anyways, they ran past me, that’s when Lottie found me” 

Van hesitated, “So…you know why they were chasing Travis then?” 

“No? Wasn’t Lottie just saying some shit about chasing the stag but needing the hind? What did that even mean?” 

“Hind is the female deer” 

“Oh what so that was supposed to be me I guess” you gave a sarcastic chuckle. 

You glanced up to see Van giving you a look like she was debating on telling you something more. 

“What?” 

She shook her head, “Nothing” 

You narrowed your eyes, not quite believing her. 

“I’m gonna bring this up, they’re waiting on it” Van said, motioning to the bucket of water beside her. 

“Yeah, alright” 

Van carried the bucket back up to the group that was cleaning up the remainder of the bear clippings. Tai pulled her off to the side with Shauna. 

“Did you tell her?” 

“I couldn’t” Van admitted

“Van” Tai chastised 

“I know, I just…it’ll crush her” 

“She has a right to know” Shauna commented softly. 

“But none of us actually saw it. We weren’t there” Van defended. 

“They wouldn’t all lie about it” Tai said. 

Van sighed. She knew her friends were right. 

-----

The following day, tensions were high around camp. Jackie seemed on edge and you didn’t know why. At first you assumed she was still angry with Lottie, but this felt like more than that. She seemed to have a short fuse with everyone. Of course with you. But especially Shauna. The comments Jackie had been making the past few weeks have been enhanced to a whole new level. And unfortunately, Shauna was fueling the fire today. Shauna also seemed to have a new bone to pick with Jackie. Van too, now that you think about it. You feel lost, not understanding where all of this is coming from today. 

You were all sitting in the cabin eating dinner. A stew Mari had made with the newly acquired bear meat. Lottie had led a saying of thanks before the meal. Basically thanking the wilderness and the spirit of the bear. You thought whatever, no harm done. Until Misty decided to point out that Jackie didn’t repeat the saying. That got Jackie going again. 

You listened to Jackie point out that what happened at Doomcoming was insane. And how she couldn’t believe we just weren’t going to talk about it. 

Shauna scoffed at that, “You really want to be the one to say something about not talking about things?” 

“What is that supposed to mean?” Jackie said, crossing her arms. 

“Why don’t you talk about what you did at Doomcoming Jackie” 

“Oh you’re going to interrogate me?” Jackie sarcastically laughed, “Why don’t you tell everyone what you’ve been hiding Shauna” 

Shauna made a face, eyeballing Jackie. 

“Shauna’s pregnant” 

The cabin grew quiet. Everyone staring in disbelief. A few questions rang out, Misty asking if it happened out here. Akilah just stunned that Shauna was having sex in general. 

“What?! I’m not fucking pregnant Jackie!” Shauna said bewildered. 

“Really? Then what is it, huh? What’s the big secret you’re hiding from me, that I’d be so ‘devastated’ to find out?” She quoted with her fingers in the air. 

Shauna paused, a moment of realization hitting her. 

“It was you. You read my journal” she said, clearly hurt by her best friend’s actions. 

Jackie chose to ignore the accusation, rolling her eyes as she continued. 

“I saw you sneak off with Jeff. At the party the night before we left. Don’t bother lying about it” 

You looked between the pair. Shauna hated Jeff, or so you thought. That didn’t make any sense to you. You also didn’t understand why Jackie seemed to care so much about him or what he did. Especially now. 

After a moment of pause, Shauna scoffed. 

“You know what Jackie. Yeah. I did go off with Jeff” 

You don’t know why your stomach churned at the thought. 

“I knew it-“ Jackie started, only to be cut off by Shauna. 

“I told him he was a pig for being all over you, knowing you were in a relationship. Something you seemed to have forgotten that night too” 

There were murmurs from some of your teammates. All of the upperclassmen were at that party. Jackie and Jeff weren’t exactly sneaky about it. 

“Oh fuck you, Shipman” Jackie scowled. 

You stared at Jackie with a look of hurt in your eyes. 

“Jax…did something happen?” You ask, afraid of the answer. 

“Are you serious? You’re believing her?!” 

“I saw you together, Jackie. You can just tell me the truth if something did, it’s okay” 

Shauna looked at you with wide eyes. What do you mean it’s okay? 

Jackie, clearly not wanting to be embarrassed, immediately got more defensive. 

“God, there you go again. You know, it’s not my fault that some people actually pay attention to me and find me desirable. Maybe I wouldn’t have even been talking to Jeff if you weren’t always such a fucking prude”

Your cheeks flush at the comment. You know what Jackie’s digging at. You remember what had happened just before you both went to the party: 

You were lying on Jackie’s bed, watching her get ready for the party. Tomorrow you would leave for Nationals. Jackie was putting the finishing touches on her makeup.  “Shauna’s meeting us there, I can’t remember if I told you”  “You did” you smile at her.  Jackie turns to you and does a small twirl.  “How do I look?”  “Beautiful as always” you grin.  She playfully rolls her eyes and walks over to you. You sit up on the bed to meet her. She stands in between your legs and rests her hands on your shoulders, yours finding her hips with practiced ease.  “Always the charmer, huh?” She ghosts over your lips.  You hum, pulling her in for a kiss. You lean backwards, pulling Jackie with you. Flopping down onto the mattress elicits a giggle from you both before your lips reconnect.  There were few things in the world you enjoyed more than kissing Jackie Taylor.  The minutes passed as you continued to get lost in each other. Deepening kisses pulling heated sounds from you both. You were trying to make sure you didn’t mess up Jackie’s hair at least, opting to keep your hands on her face or sides.  As Jackie’s mouth moved towards your neck, she shifted her position, lying fully on top of you now. You felt your heartbeat start to pick up.  “Jax…” you stammered out.  Jackie hummed, continuing her ministrations. You felt her hand snaking lower, making its way to the waistband of your jeans.  Your breath was quickly coming out in spurts. You felt your heart racing. You were getting too hot, too quick.  You were panicking. “Jackie” you try again, more urgently. You moved your hands to her arms, trying to nudge her off of you.  When she didn’t get the hint, your panic took over. You used your body weight to sit up and unceremoniously shove your girlfriend off of you.  “Stop!” You half yelled.  “Ow, what the hell!” Jackie said as she touched her lip.  Your breathing was still coming out uneven as you were desperately trying to ground yourself. You looked around, repeating in your head ‘I’m in Jackie’s room. I’m with Jackie’ over and over again.  A hand on your leg made you jump.  “It’s just me” Jackie said, in a much softer voice than before. She sat there with you patiently until you calmed down.  “I’m sorry Jax” you said, embarrassed, “I just…” you shook your head instead of finishing your sentence.  “I know. I didn’t mean to push. I just thought it would be okay” she weakly defended herself. 

As the memory fades, thoughts run through your head. Was that why Jackie was mad at you later that night? Why you had to ask Shauna to bring you to the airport? And now…you couldn’t believe Jackie was using something like this against you. In front of everyone, nonetheless. 

You didn’t even get a chance to reply to her before Shauna chimed in again. 

“What about Travis?” 

Heads turned at that. Natalie glared at Travis. 

“What?” Nat said in heated disbelief. Travis looked away, making you draw your own conclusions. 

You missed the knowing look Van and Tai gave each other. 

“No…” You couldn’t believe what was being said. There’s no way. 

“Oh my god, nothing happened with Jeff, and I didn’t fuck Travis! Who are you going to believe Y/N, I mean come on!” Jackie tried. 

“We found her with him Y/N. On Doomcoming. It’s what began the chase” Lottie interjected. 

“Yeah but we didn’t-" Jackie cuts herself off when she looks at you. “Nothing happened!” 

Your lack of response pushed Jackie to keep going. 

“She shoved me in a fucking closet that night! She held a knife to your throat! All of them were acting crazy chasing Travis through the woods like an animal! And Misty drugged everyone with mushrooms, but I’m the problem here!?” Jackie desperately defended. 

“But you were with Travis before all that, weren’t you? In the attic?” Shauna calmly spat at Jackie. 

You just stared at Jackie with such betrayal in your eyes. 

That’s why you couldn’t find her. That’s why you ended up wandering the woods alone until Lottie showed up. Jackie was with Travis instead of you. 

Jackie was looking around, not understanding why her best friend was pitting you against her like this. When her eyes went back and forth between you and Shauna, something in her clicked. The desperation almost immediately vanished, and a wave of coldness washed over Jackie. 

“Oh” Jackie chuckles darkly, her arms crossed with a rejuvenated sense of calmness. “I get it now. This isn’t about me at all”

Shauna scrunches her eyebrows at Jackie’s sudden change in demeanor.

“It all makes sense now. Your secret I couldn’t find out. How you’ve been acting since we’ve crashed. Why you’re so desperate to make me look like the bad guy here. Have you been fucking my girlfriend, Shipman? Is that it?” 

“What?! Jackie no! I wouldn’t do that to you-“ 

“Shut up!” Jackie cuts you off, the hostility in her voice sharp like venom. 

“Don’t talk to her like that!” Shauna says in your defense. She notices the way you immediately shrink inside yourself at Jackie’s words. 

Jackie scoffs as she speaks to Shauna again, “God you know it makes so much sense. All the times you third wheeled us. Always refusing to hook up with anyone. You jumping at the chance to play ‘Captain Save a Hoe’ any time it comes to her. Wow, I’m such an idiot for never seeing it”

Jackie keeps her attention on Shauna, but speaks to you. She is demanding control back. 

“Y/N, let’s go”

Your silence speaks volume. Shauna turns to look at you now, and speaks to you in a soft voice. A sincere, almost pleading look shining through her big brown eyes. 

“You don’t have to” 

You stare nervously into Shauna’s eyes, searching for something you can’t quite verbalize, then glance behind her at Jackie. 

“Y/N. Now” Jackie hisses your name expectantly. 

There’s another beat of hesitation before you speak, your voice barely audible. 

“I want to stay with Shauna”

Everyone in the cabin goes silent. You’ve never gone against Jackie. 

In a split second, Jackie moves towards you, and you noticeably flinch back. Shauna steps in front of you, blocking you from Jackie. She stops, and glares into Shauna’s eyes. 

“You know what. Take her. You’ve always wanted everything I had anyways Shipman, why should this be any different. So go ahead, it will be a relief actually. She’s not worth even half the headaches she causes.”

Jackie’s eyes move to you, her anger pouring out unfiltered.

“You’re nothing without me. I hope you realize that. You think she’s going to want to deal with you the way I have? You think anyone else will give you half of what I did? You’re worthless. She’ll realize it soon enough. They all will.” 

Tears well in your eyes, threatening to spill out as Jackie delivers the final blow. 

“Don’t come crying to me the next time your daddy touches you or slaps you around” 

As soon as the words leave Jackie’s mouth, she regrets them. She knows she went way too far. But unfortunately, it’s too late. The damage is done. She can’t take back what has been said in a fit of rage. 

Your heart stopped at Jackie’s words, the breath leaving your lungs. You hadn’t told anyone about the details of your home life, not really. The only people who knew were Jackie and Van. And even Van didn’t know everything. You couldn’t believe that Jackie would use that private information against you like this. 

“What the fuck, Jackie!” Van yells, forcibly pulling the girl away now. 

Shauna turns to you and takes in your expression. Silent tears are running down your face. You are obviously trying to dissociate and zone out. 

“Hey, come on. Come with me” she says gently, guiding you away from the chaos currently happening. 

You let Shauna direct you away from the yelling, following her blindly. You barely remember her guiding you up the attic ladder. 

Once alone, she gently calls your name a few times. After several attempts, you realize she’s speaking to you, and you look up. Shauna’s looking at you with the most concern you think you’ve ever experienced. She doesn’t even get another word out before you just completely break down, your words coming out inbetween sobs. 

“She. I didn’t. No one knew. Not even Van” 

Shauna pulled you into a hug, letting you cry into her. Shauna wanted to ask questions, but she knew this needed to be at your pace. She guided you down to the floor and just let you cry, rubbing comforting circles on your back. 

It was several minutes before you spoke again. 

“How could she do that to me” you asked in a broken voice. 

“I don’t know. I’m sorry Y/N, I shouldn’t have started it” Shauna answered honestly, feeling guilty for starting the fight with Jackie in the first place. 

You shake your head and continue to let your tears fall into Shauna’s red flannel. 

A few minutes pass before Shauna speaks again. 

“Do you want to tell me what happened? You don’t have to, only if you want” she carefully asked. 

You sniffled as a fresh set of tears ran down your face. You sucked in a shaky breath as you began to tell Shauna what it exactly was that Jackie was talking about. 

“My…my dad. He uh. He hits me sometimes. He drinks a lot. And he…he doesn’t like me”

Shauna knew there was more that you weren’t saying. 

“And…the other part?” She softly inquired. 

You were fully crying again as you trusted Shauna with something that made you so vulnerable. 

“Do you remember Christmas break?” 

“Yeah, we didn’t see you at all. Jackie said you were out of town” 

“That wasn’t true” 

She furrowed her eyebrows as you continued. 

“The first day of break, I was at the movies with Jackie. She brought me home. And she kissed me before I got out of the car” 

“Okay…” 

“He saw through the window. I - I didn’t know he was home. And. He. When I went inside. After Jackie left. He was mad. So mad. And he was drunker than I’ve ever seen. And he…he…” 

You had to control your sobs before you could speak again clearly enough for Shauna to understand you. 

“He said - said it was bad enough he had a daughter that dressed like a dyke, that he - he wasn’t going to have one that acted like it too. And that he was going to straighten me out” 

Shauna’s stomach dropped as she picked up where this was going. 

“I tried to get away from him but I couldn’t. He held me down and he…he…” 

You couldn’t finish your words, but you didn’t need to. Shauna held you tighter as you fell apart in her arms, reliving such a vile memory. Shauna couldn’t believe that someone’s own father could do such a thing to them. Then she remembered what Jackie said…meaning that Jackie knew this, and chose to use it against you. Which made her blood run hot. 

“How did Jackie find out?” She spoke softly. 

“I walked to her house that night. I didn’t - I was scared. She drove me to some clinic a few towns over so no one would know us. To make sure I didn’t catch anything and wouldn’t…get pregnant or whatever. I spent the rest of break at Jackie’s or hiding at home when he was gone. I don’t think he even remembered doing it.” 

“Y/N…”

“How could she tell everyone Shauna? How could she do this to me” you sobbed again. “She took care of me that night. She was the only one who knew. I didn’t even tell Van. And she just” you shook your head. 

“You didn’t deserve that. Any of it.” Shauna softly spoke to you, her head resting on top of yours. Her heart was breaking knowing what you’ve been through. 

You sat in silence for a few minutes, just the sound of your broken breathing filling the room. The commotion downstairs was still going, but it has died down some. You’re still sitting in Shauna’s arms when Van makes her way up to the attic to check in. 

“Hey…” she approaches slowly, placing a hand on your back and crouching down next to you both. 

“What’s going on down there” Shauna asks first. 

Van shrugs. “It’s calmed down for now. Tai is keeping everyone in check”

“Jackie is the one that needs to be kept in check” Shauna spits out. 

“Hey I’m with ya”. She nods to you questioningly. You haven’t even looked at Van yet. Shauna shakes her head softly. 

“Do you wanna talk to Van?” She asks you gently, but they both notice the way you grip Shauna’s flannel shirt tighter and turn your face more into her chest. 

“It’s just me…” Van tries to reassure you, confused why you seem timid to talk to her. 

“You’re gonna be mad” you speak in barely above a whisper. 

“Why would I be mad at you?” She questions. 

You finally look at her with your red, puffy eyes, still lined with tears as you try to voice the jumbled thoughts inside your head. Unable to get the words out, you just sigh and lean your head against Shauna again. 

“I’m not going to be mad” Van reassures you, seeing the broken state you are in. She looks at Shauna for some help. 

“Y/N…do you…want me to tell Van?” 

You nod your head and bury your face further in Shauna’s chest once more. You don’t want to speak the words again. 

Shauna keeps her arms wrapped around you as she recounts what you shared with her to your best friend, trying to keep her voice even as she speaks. Van does her best to hold her expression together for your sake. 

“Buddy…” she softly speaks as Shauna finishes. You shake your head as fresh tears leaked out, not wanting any more pity on the fucked up situation right now. Van understands. She’s disappointed with herself, she knew your dad had a temper, but she never imagined this. She hates that she didn’t recognize that something so terrible had happened to you. That you didn’t feel you could tell her. 

“I’m sorry” you whisper out to them both. 

“Hey, don’t you ever apologize for this. None of this is your fault, do you hear me? None of it” Van softly holds your face and makes eye contact with you as she speaks, making sure you know she means it. 

You nod your head, moving to sit up on your own. 

“Everyone knows now” you say dejectedly, picking at a string on your pants. 

“They don’t know any details. And you don’t have to explain to anyone” Shauna reassures you. 

“I just. I can’t believe Jackie did that. I know she says some things she shouldn’t sometimes. But I thought there was a line she wouldn’t cross” you continue on sadly. 

“Does she even have a line?” Van huffs. 

“She used to” Shauna says passively, wondering what her best friend has become. 

“Well I used to think it was that she’d never hit me or anything but-“ you cut yourself, realizing what you just said. 

Shauna and Van both froze and stared at you. 

“What?” They said in unison. 

“She hit you?” Shauna asked, you could tell she barely able to control her anger. 

“It was only one time” you quickly rush out, trying to diffuse the situation. 

However, Van wasn’t holding back her anger at all. 

“That fucking bitch” she stood up and made her way for the attic door. 

“Van! Don’t-“ 

“Stay here” is all she said before she stormed down the ladder. 

You went to go after her, but were stopped by a hand gently wrapped around your upper arm. 

“Shauna please, she’s going to kill her!” 

“No she’s not” 

“Shauna, please!” you beg. Sure, Jackie violated basically all of the trust you had. But you didn’t want Van to beat her up for it, or worse. Your feelings for Jackie didn’t just suddenly disappear. 

Shauna sighs and stands up. 

“Stay here”

“Shauna-“ 

“Stay” she says softly, giving your shoulder a gentle squeeze. 

You scooch over closer to the hatch leading downstairs after Shauna leaves.

Sitting on the dusty attic floor of the cabin, you press your head against the old wooden wall. You hear voices grow louder below you, the argument intensifying. An argument that is your fault. You clench your fists, your fingers digging into the palms of your hands. 

You think about home. About how often you would find yourself in a situation just like this. Sitting in a dark closet or laying under a bed. Hiding. His voice booming through the house, destroying everything in its path. Knowing you would be next if he found you. When he found you. 

You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to push the unwanted memory from your mind. You’re not at home. You’re here. Wherever here is. 

You know you should go downstairs. Be a voice of reason. But you never were good at using your voice. Instead, you stay. You hide, like you always have. Like a coward, you think. 

You try to think back to before the crash. Back to your life in Wiskayok. You think about soccer, about school…about Jackie. You think about the events that led up to this moment.

A new wave of yelling makes your eyes snap open, pulling you out of your thoughts. As the memories fade, you’re met with a harsh reality. You’re not back at home. You’re not in Wiskayok with Jackie anymore. Your plane didn’t just crash. And you’re not still waiting for rescue to come. You’re in an abandoned cabin in the middle of nowhere with your teammates, some of which are probably about to strangle eachother downstairs. Rescue isn’t coming. This is your life now. A life you can’t run from. Can’t hide from. 

A deep breath leaves your lungs as you push yourself up on shaky legs. The descent down the attic ladder is slow and silent. You hover in the pantry doorway, trying to avoid the gaze of your fellow Yellowjackets in the living area. 

Your eyes first fall to Jackie, and the blood dripping from her nose. Judging by the vice grip Taissa is holding Van in, you’re assuming your best friend is responsible for that. You see Natalie, visibly trying to keep the rest of the team in check. You assume she is trying to prevent this from spiraling further out of control. Then your gaze lands on Shauna. 

She is carrying herself with such raw emotion. Years of built up silence pouring out. Each quip of Jackie’s anger and insults is met with a response. Shauna isn’t backing down anymore. 

“I’m not jealous of you Jackie, I feel sorry for you.” 

Jackie glares at Shauna, but you see her demeanor cracking. Shauna continues her tirade. 

“You know I’m sure everyone back home is just so devastated that their perfect fucking little princess is gone. But you know what? They don’t know who you really are. No one knows what a controlling, manipulative, abusive bitch you are. That’s the real you Jackie. You can’t hide it out here. And everyone saw it today.” 

Jackie tries to make Shauna leave, but Shauna refuses. She’s done listening to Jackie.

“Maybe you should leave, since we’re all so fucking crazy” Mari says to Jackie. 

“Okay come on, no one is leaving” Coach Ben tries to interject, but he is immediately shut down by Lottie. 

“Shauna is trying to steal my girlfriend and I’m the one everyone’s mad at?” Jackie asks everyone exasperated. 

“I’m not stealing anyone” Shauna retorts, annoyed that Jackie is still talking about you like you’re nothing more than her possession. 

“It’s not Shauna’s fault that you’re a shitty partner and an even shittier person Jackie” Van spits out, her anger still clear. Tai readjusts her grip out of precaution. 

Jackie looks around and sees the glares she is receiving from the team. She has never been so openly opposed like this before. She grabs a blanket and makes her way to towards the door. 

“Jackie, come on don’t be stupid” Tai tries to reason, despite the look Van throws her way. 

“Don’t pretend this isn’t exactly what you wanted”

“Jackie…” Natalie tries but falls short. That kind of surprises you. Especially after all that has happened. 

“I don’t even know who you are anymore” Jackie mutters to Shauna, clearly hurt. 

“Maybe you never did” is Shauna’s response. You can tell it wasn’t a light thing for her to say.

With that, Jackie leaves the cabin.

You don’t move, still stunned by what you just witnessed. It’s not until your presence is finally noticed that you make an effort to remove yourself from the doorframe. 

You missed the head nod Natalie gave Shauna, pointing her in your direction. 

Shauna approaches you cautiously, trying to shake off the heavy emotion that is still coursing through her. 

“How much of that did you hear?” 

“Enough” you said softly. 

She nods her head, “You were supposed to wait up there” her eyes glancing up towards the ceiling. She didn’t mean for you to hear any of that. 

“I did…for a while” 

Van makes her way over as well. You can feel the stares of everyone else. You know they all have questions.

Van doesn’t say anything, she just wraps you up in a hug. You don’t hesitate or recoil this time. You just lean into her, the comfort and protection of your best friend being one of your only life lines right now. 

“I’m tired” you mumble into her. It’s still light outside, the sun just beginning to set. But your tiredness is on an emotional level. 

“Come on” Van encourages, leading you back up to the attic. 

-----

“Did you know?” you mumble from your spot on the floor.

This grabbed Van’s attention, it was the first time you spoke since you came up to the attic. That was several hours ago. 

She nodded before realizing you couldn’t see her. You were staring at the floor with your eye unfocused. 

“Some of the girls were talking about it yesterday. I was going to tell you. But I didn’t know how” she admitted. 

You nodded your head. 

“We don’t know what really happened though. They just saw them coming down from the attic…” Van tried to resonate. 

“It doesn’t matter” you mumble.  

“I’m sorry” Van said honestly. 

You shrug your shoulders and sniffle, “You tried to tell me how stupid I was a long time ago” 

Van thinks back to all the things she said to you about your relationship with Jackie. She feels a pang of guilt for what she said when she was mad. She didn’t realize just how toxic your relationship really was. She should have been more observant and caught what was really going on instead of just ragging on you about it. 

“I should have listened more. Maybe I could’ve…” 

“You couldn’t have changed anything Van. It was my own fault” you say. 

“None of this is your fault” 

“Isn’t it?” You look up at her sadly, your entire demeanor broken, “Maybe I just got what I deserve” 

Van shakes her head and pulls you into her. She doesn’t know what to say to you. How to console you. What can she possibly say or do to make you believe that you deserve better than what your dad and Jackie have done to you?

It’s not long before Tai makes her way up. She’s talking to Van, presumably about you, but you’re not listening. 

You’re not even aware Tai is in the room, actually. You’re lost in your own thoughts. Images of your dad and Jackie litter your mind. Their voices ring through your ears. Every word. The feelings of every unkind hand. Every bruise suffered and every tear shed because of them. All the nights you’ve woken up in a cold sweat with your heart beating out of your chest, unable to escape even in your dreams. You used to think Jackie was your salvation. That she was your savior from your broken home. But you’ve come to realize that your girlfriend and your father are two sides to the same coin. You couldn’t justify her actions anymore. You couldn’t sweep it under the rug, hoping that tomorrow would be the day she changed. You had to accept that tomorrow would never come. It was time to take off the rose tinted glasses and realize how much your relationship with Jackie was damaging you. A realization that made you spiral. 

“Get Shauna” Van muttered to Tai, seeing the state you’re in.

“Are you sure? She thought she needed space”

“Tai. Get Shauna” 

Tai returned not even a minute later with Shauna in tow. 

“I don’t know what to do” Van admitted to Shauna worriedly. 

You were completely zoned out, eyes wide and glazed over. Your breathing was shallow but erratic. Elbows resting on your knees with your fingers digging into the back of your neck.

“I can’t get her attention” 

Shauna kneeled down in front of you, gently calling your name. No response. Not even a glance. 

She looked over at Tai and Van before scooting closer to you. Again, she called your name. Nothing. Shauna had good enough sense to know you would react poorly if she touched you right now, given what you shared with her. She can only imagine what Jackie has added onto your trauma. What other horrors you have experienced that you haven’t mentioned. She mentally kicks herself for not intervening sooner. She knew Jackie was controlling. She just didn’t know it was to the point of abuse. 

Shauna sees the crescent shaped indents you’re making in your neck, your grip so tight you are drawing little drops of blood in a few places. She knows she has to make you let go.

“Hey…why don’t we let go here” she tries. But again, no response. She sighs, and looks at Van again. 

“Okay..” she says to herself, preparing. 

Shauna reaches up and gently takes both of your wrists in her hands. As she begins to pull them away from your neck, you suddenly shove your arms in front of you, pushing her away. You slide yourself back against the wall, throwing your head against the wooden boards. 

“Y/N, hey it’s okay” 

Quick, heavy breaths fill your lungs. Your eyes are wild as your hands shake in front of your face. 

“No…don’t” you choke out. 

Shauna puts her hands up in front of her to show she’s not trying to do anything. But you’re not thinking. Her movement sends another jolt of panic through you, sending you impossibly closer against the wall, again slamming your head into the wood. 

“Fuck” Shauna mumbles under her breath, worried that you’re going to reinjure your head. 

Van tries to move to help, but Tai pulls her back. 

“Don’t, too many people will make it worse. Let Shauna handle it” Tai tells Van. She can see your fractured mental state is difficult for Van to watch. She wraps her arms around her girlfriend as they can do nothing but look as Shauna tries to calm you down. 

Shauna doesn’t know what she’s doing. She just knows she needs to get you away from the wall, and in a position where you can’t hurt yourself. Maybe then she can get through to you. 

Shauna moves without hesitation, pulling your entire body away from the wooden wall and into a bear hug on the floor, practically laying on top of you. You’re freaking out, hitting her anywhere you can and kicking your feet against the ground trying to get away. Begging her to let you go. Once away from the wall, Shauna gets a better grip on you, using her body and one arm to pin your arms to your sides, while the other cradles your head, making sure you don’t hit it again with your thrashing. 

You're fully sobbing and hyperventilating, “No. No. No. Please” 

“Shh it’s me. It’s Shauna. I’m not going to hurt you. Just calm down. You’re okay” 

You slip one hand free, weakly trying to push Shauna off of you and hitting at her. 

“Stop…stop…it’s okay. You’re okay” she tells you. 

She feels you begin to fight less against her. She takes the opportunity to pick her head up, trying to get a look at your face. You’re still zoned out. 

“Y/N…look at me…hey…come on” she takes a chance and lets go of your head, hoping you won’t thrash against the floor again. She brings her now free hand to your face, gently pushing your hair out of your eyes. You flinch back at the contact, Shauna quickly returning her hand to the back of your head. Your eyes snap up to her and she feels your body go still. The glazed look in your eyes has faded, and instead what she sees is panic. Pure, raw, terror. 

“Hey, hey. Look. It’s me. It’s Shauna. It’s just me. You’re okay” 

You blink rapidly, suddenly very aware of your surroundings. “Sh..Shauna..?” 

“Yeah. Yeah I’m here. It’s just me” 

You grip her wherever you can and squeeze your eyes shut, sinking your face into her arm that is wrapped around your head, desperately trying to anchor yourself to her and out of the nightmare you were just living. 

“I’m here…you’re okay…I’ve got you” she repeats to you. 

You don’t know how long you lay on the floor in Shauna’s hold. She shifted you eventually, letting you out of the bear hug and more into a normal laying position on your side, rather than having to keep you pinned down. You didn’t let go of her. Not even after your breathing evened out. You became aware of Tai and Van's presence. They never left. They stayed with you and Shauna, waiting and observing, until Shauna eventually broke the silence. 

“You with me?” She asked softly. 

You nodded your head where it was laying against her chest.  

The trio collectively let out a small breath of relief. 

“It’s never been that bad before” you whisper. 

“A lot’s happened the past few days” Van comments quietly, trying to let you know that it’s okay. 

“You should try to sleep” Tai adds. 

You coil your fingers in Shauna’s shirt. You’re exhausted, but the thought sends a chill down your spine. 

“Will you stay…all of you?” You ask shyly. You’re unable to look at any of them as you speak. 

Van answers without hesitation, “Of course. We’re not leaving you buddy. Me and Tai will go grab yours and Shauna’s stuff, okay?” 

The couple makes their way downstairs, retrieving all your things to sleep in the attic. You don’t make an effort to move off of Shauna. You’re kind of embarrassed. But Shauna feels safe. Something you lack familiarity with. Something you’re desperate to hold on to. 

“Don’t go” you whisper. Shauna can tell you’re trying to hold back tears, even though you’re not looking at her. . 

Shauna moves her cheek to rest on top of your head, her hand rubbing soothing patterns on your back, “I’m not going anywhere” 

-----

Despite your exhaustion, your body fights sleep. Tai arranged the blankets so you would be sleeping in between Shauna and Van. Though, you seemed to be particularly clingy to Shauna still. 

You were standing now, staring out the attic window. 

“She’s still out there” you said in a quiet voice.

It’s dark now, but you can still see Jackie stirring next to the small fire she lit outside. The only source of light shining through the dark woods. 

“She made her choice” Van said, not really caring that Jackie was still out there. Not after what she did to you. 

“She’s fine” Shauna told you quietly, guiding you away from the window and back to your sleeping area, sparing a glance out the window herself. 

You lay back down and look at her. 

“What if something happens to her Shauna” you say in a small voice, a noticeable quiver shaking your words. 

“Like what? We all just slept out there the other night, it was fine” 

You sigh, “I don’t know, I just. I don’t know” you say sadly, staring towards the direction of the window. You couldn’t knock the feeling that something bad was going to happen. “She’s out there ‘cause of me” 

“No. No one forced her out there. That was her choice. Come on, try to sleep” Shauna tells you.

Eventually, your eyes shut. Your unconscious mind visits dark corners of your past. As the hours pass, you subconsciously scoot closer to Shauna, seeking her warmth. A cold breeze passes through the old attic window. 

Outside in the dark cover the night, as if it were a warning from the wilderness itself, the first snowflake falls from the sky. 

And the plot thickens 👀 How do we feel about the full circle moment going back to Chapter 1 in the attic? The twist of Shauna not being pregnant after all...and life continuing to beat our poor Reader's ass. Stay tuned, much more to come.... 😉

Chapter 8

Unbalanced Series Masterlist

“How long am I supposed to pretend that I don’t know what you’re doing?” 

“What?” You reply, a little caught off guard. 

Van eyes you carefully. As the weeks continue to pass, her healing consistently improves. Lottie seems to think it’s because of the weird ritual she does each morning. She has an altar built outside and everything now. You try to ignore that. Try to ignore her. Ever since that night you woke up to find Lottie staring at you, you’ve made sure to be more aware of her. She hasn’t really done anything wrong, so you didn’t tell anyone. But you’ve begun to notice more of just how…off…Lottie has really become. She’s even gotten some of the other girls to start listening to her talk about her forest connection or whatever it is she goes on about. 

Van still covers her face in the strips of cloth, even though Akilah had already removed the stitches a while ago. Van won’t let anyone besides you see her bare facial skin, not even Tai. She’s afraid she looks too mangled, no matter how much you’ve tried to convince her otherwise. 

“You’ve been acting like I still need a babysitter or something. I’m fine…you know this. So what gives? Why have you been hiding out here so much?” Van asks you. 

You don’t make eye contact with her as you reply, “I’m just being cautious” 

“That’s bull” 

“You almost died, sorry if I’m fucking concerned about you” you say aggravated. 

Van doesn’t respond right away. She’s been through this with you before. You’ve already had your heart to heart with her weeks ago, once she was fully awake. You already did the tears - the confession of the fear and anguish you felt of almost losing her. This is something else. She knows you’re not really angry with her, she suspects it has nothing to do with her at all actually. You can feel her analyzing you. 

“You done?” She eventually replies. 

You sigh and nod your head. 

“Good. Then tell me what’s really going on” 

You lean your head against the stone surrounding the fireplace and stare into the flames.  

“I don’t know” 

“I think you do” she says softly. 

You glance over at her as she continues. 

“Is it Jackie?” 

“Why would you say that?” you get defensive. 

“I’m just asking” she tries to diffuse. 

You stare back into the fire, watching the orange lights bounce around. 

“She’s just having a hard time” you say quietly. You don’t know if that’s meant to convince Van, or yourself. 

“We all are. That doesn’t make it okay what she’s doing to you” 

“She’s not doing anything to me” 

Van sighs. You’re always stubborn when it comes to talking about Jackie. 

“Look. You can feed me whatever lines you want. But I know how you get when she’s treating you like shit. And by the looks of it, she’s really treating you like shit” 

“Van. Just drop it. Please” you ask softly. You don’t want to have this conversation. Or maybe you just don’t want to acknowledge what Van is pointing out to you. 

-----

It was unbelievable, really. You were all practically starving, and they wanted to have a party. Jackie had been the one to first suggest it after Mari revealed her stash of accidental berry booze. A party to celebrate your impending deaths. You survived a fucking plane crash and your reward was going to be starving to death in the middle of nowhere. So, Doomcoming it was.

Everyone spent the day preparing for tomorrow’s festivities. You had to admit, it was actually kind of nice to have something to look forward to. Changing up the same bleak daily routine. Yet, you couldn’t really find the joy in it as you mindlessly helped your friends make decorations and gather supplies. You were simply going through the motions. It seems like you were doing a lot of that lately. 

“Are you even listening?” 

You weren’t. 

“Yeah, of course” you look up to see that Jackie was talking to you. She could tell you were lying. She rolled her eyes and stood up, walking away from you. Great. 

You sighed and set down the strings you were detangling. You looked around to find where Jackie walked off to. You spot her sitting by Shauna now. You decide to leave her be. Maybe Shauna would be able to talk some sense into her. Though, it’s hard for you to keep track of their relationship these days. Some days they seem like the same best friends they’ve always been, other days it seems like they can’t stand each other - the latter becoming more and more common. Sometimes you wonder if Shauna is just being the bigger person and putting up with Jackie and her behavior. It wouldn’t surprise you. 

You shake your head, you shouldn’t think that about your girlfriend. 

“Need help?” You're surprised to see Tai standing above you. 

“Uh, sure” 

She takes a seat next to you on the bench you’re sitting on and grabs a pile of the string, absentmindedly beginning to untangle it. 

“Have you talked to Van?” She randomly asks. 

“About?” 

“Doomcoming. She walked out when we were all talking about it earlier. And she’s been avoiding me” she seemed a little dejected saying that. 

“Tai…” you sigh. You’re not good at this. “She’s not avoiding you. She’s… self conscious” 

Tai looks at you with her face scrunched up, “ Why?” 

You just give her a look, and motion to your face. She looks sad when it clicks with her. 

“It’d be so good for her to come out and be social with everyone. She needs that. What can I do? She won’t even let me close to her”

“I don’t think I can answer that for you. I’ve done everything I can. She needs you now Tai” 

Tai nods her head in thought. She knows you’re right. She has to come up with a plan. Something to show Van she still loves her no matter what. 

-----

You make an excuse to go check the snares. A party would be better with food, right? If it meant you would be alone for a few hours, that was just a bonus. 

You mindlessly walk out to the furthest away snare, not bothering to check any of the closer ones first. When you get to the snare, you keep walking. Your brain is on autopilot, just navigating through the forest. You don’t realize you’ve walked in a big circle, until you come upon the wreckage of the plane crash. This is the first time you’ve been here since that day. A day that is still hazy in your mind. You take in the sight of the twisted metal. The SOS message written on the side, you think by Shauna. A message that was written with hopes that your plane would be found. That you would be found. A hope that seems long forgotten by now. 

You approach the wreckage, feeling numb to the memories that linger with it. You see the graves of those who didn’t make it. The flight crew, Coach Martinez, Rachel. You think they were lucky in a way. They were put out of their misery right away. 

You climb into what was left of the plane. It doesn’t seem very safe, but you don’t care. It looks different than what you remembered. It looks more…intense. You walk down the aisle, and come to a halt when you come to the row where Jackie, Shauna, and yourself were seated. Jackie and Shauna’s seats didn’t look too bad, all things considered. You froze a little when you turned and took in the sight of your own. There was a giant tree limb speared through the head of the window seat. And another smashing through the window. The metal arm rests were bent and smashed, tray tables wedged in all kinds of places. That’s the seat you were sitting in. You stare in disbelief. How the hell did you make it out of that? 

You touch the side of your head where there is no longer a cut. Not even a scar really. You remember the worried look on Jackie’s face that day as she held your head upright. 

Your hand brushed over your ribs, now healed and unbothersome. You remember Shauna prying away the metal pieces to get you out. You remember her carrying you off the plane. 

Your eyes turn to the back of the plane, covered in black scorch marks. You remember being told that Van may not have made it out. You remember finding out Jackie left her there. 

You swallow hard as you exit the plane. What was your purpose for coming back here? You sit in the grass and just stare at the broken contraption. Why did you make it out? What was the point? Sometimes you think you’d have been better off with a spot next to Rachel. 

The walk back to the cabin takes you a while. You’re not familiar with the quicker route that your teammates have established. You’re not really too familiar with the longer route either, but you’re doing your best to not be the dumbass that gets lost in the woods on top of everything else. 

Reaching the lake gives you a sigh of relief. You make your way to the shore and take a break, sitting in the sand. An odd feeling of Déjà vu washes over you and you absentmindedly stare out into the water. You think about when the team first found the lake. How happy everyone was to find the water source. You look up in the sky, and think about the smoke you saw in the sky all those weeks ago. Your friend exploding trying to get you all help. You rub at the opposite side of your ribs, remembering the bruises that littered your body. They may have faded, but he still haunts you.

“You seem troubled” Lottie’s voice breaks you out of your heavy thoughts. You didn’t even hear her walk up. 

“I’m fine Lott” you brush off. You weren’t in the mood to deal with her right now. 

“You don’t have to hide” she continues, apparently ignoring your hint. She sits down beside you. 

“I’m not hiding” 

“You are. But it’s okay. I see you. I understand” 

You want to laugh at her. What could Lottie Matthews possibly understand about you? 

“What did you feel?” She asks. 

You turn and look at her. “What?” 

“What did you feel there? Did you get what you needed?” 

“What did I…..what the fuck Lottie were you following me or something?!” 

She didn’t react to your accusation or changed tone of voice. 

“The snares don’t take you all day to check. Your spirit came back heavier. You went there. But you didn’t listen to it, did you?” 

“Didn’t listen to what!? The plane?! What are you even talking about?” 

Lottie sighs as she continues to stare at you with that unsettling look. 

“You should come out to the circle in the mornings. It’ll help” 

You scoff, “No thanks” 

“Y/N it-”

Lottie is cut off by the sound of another voice calling your name. 

You turn your head to see Jackie standing at the top of the hill with her hands on her hips. You’ve never been so thankful for the sight of your irritated girlfriend. 

“Yeah well I’ll catch ya later Lott” you say as you stand up and brush the sand off you. You jog over to Jackie, glad to get away from Lottie. 

“Thanks” you say to Jackie before she can even get a word in. She scrunches her eyebrows at you. She probably wanted to yell at you, but now she’s just confused. 

“For what?” She asks. 

“Lottie’s being…Lottie” you say. You grab Jackie’s hand as you spare a glance behind you. Lottie is still staring at you. That same look in place that gives you chills. “See?” 

“She’s fucking losing it” Jackie mutters. 

Together you walk away towards the cabin. The sun is beginning to set. 

“Where have you been all day?” Jackie finally asks you. 

“I went to check the snares. Then well. You saw Lottie”

She hums, “I assume you didn’t find anything?” 

You shook your head, “Nothing”. It wasn’t technically a lie. You didn’t find anything. You just…didn’t actually check. 

Usually you’d hang out by the fire outside for a while. But tonight, you just want to go inside and sleep. 

“Can we go lay down?” You ask Jackie. 

“It’s not even dark yet? And Mari’s still making dinner” 

You nod your head. 

“Are you okay?” She asks. 

“Yeah, all good Jax” you give her a small smile. She looks at you like she doesn’t believe you. 

“Alright well…just wait here okay? I need to finish helping Mari. I just came to see if you were back yet” 

“Okay” 

Jackie gives you a kiss on the cheek before retreating inside the cabin. 

You sigh and sit on a bench near the fire outside. You barely got a moment of peace before Van joined you. 

“Ya know. When I talked to you about hiding out in the cabin with me the other day. I didn’t mean to go awol and disappear into the woods all day instead” 

“Van…I’m not in the mood” 

“You’re never in the mood” 

“There’s a reason for that” you mumble. 

“Can you just…be here? At least pretend for a little bit?” 

You didn’t see the point. What good was it pretending when you didn’t care if you were here or there? But then you look at your best friend. You see her pleading eyes between the cloth wrappings on her face. 

“Wanna hear the crazy shit Lottie was just saying to me?” You offer, a slight smirk spreading on your face. 

Van smiles as you recount your strange encounter with Lottie. You even tell her about the night she was up staring at you. It feels almost fake to be joking right now. But Van is laughing. You think maybe you can pretend for a little longer if you can make your best friend happy in this shithole. 

-----

When you wake up the next morning, you just lay there. You stare at the ceiling. The floor. The wall. Jackie. Anything to avoid getting up. Today is Doomcoming - you don’t really want to go to a party today. 

Unfortunately, the wilderness doesn’t care what you want. And neither does Jackie. 

“Get up or I swear to God I’m going to tell Misty that you’re sick and need her help” 

You huff as you sit up. You give Jackie a dirty look. 

“Okay I was joking before. But you really better check the attitude” Jackie warns. 

“I don’t want to do this today” you tell her softly. “Can’t I celebrate dying by just laying here?” 

“No. Now get up” 

You exhale as you stand up. There’s no arguing with Jackie. You know better than to try. It never ends well. 

You throw on a t-shirt and sweatpants before heading outside. Pretty much everyone has already started doing various things to set up for Doomcoming this evening. You just sigh and get a cup of whatever tea was made this morning. It looks like weeds thrown in a pot, but you guess it was better than nothing. 

“Rough morning?” 

You don’t want to deal with your teammates already this morning. You’re about to blow off whoever it is, until you turn around to find Shauna standing behind you.

“You can say that”. You feel yourself soften speaking to her, there’s no bite in your words like you were preparing. 

“What stupid task did you get assigned with today?” 

“Not a fan of Doomcoming either?” You smirk. 

She rolls her eyes, “Who the fucks idea was it to have a death party anyways” 

“Jackie’s” 

“Yeah, well” she says, raising her eyebrows for a second. 

You sigh, “Speaking of, I better go find her” 

“Alright…”

As you walk away, Shauna watches you with narrowed eyes. You were just with Jackie. She saw her walk in the cabin just a few minutes before you came out. She noticed the way you started to pick at your fingers when you brought up your girlfriend. Shauna’s relationship with Jackie has been tense. Jackie keeps throwing not so subtle digs at Shauna that she can’t quite figure out. It’s like Jackie is accusing her of something, without coming out and saying it. It’s driving her crazy. Yet, Jackie will still come to Shauna to rant about you, or whatever other things are irritating her at the moment. Shauna’s conflicted, and confliction is a hard thing to settle in this type of environment. 

By mid afternoon, you realize there’s no way you’re getting out of this stupid party. Jackie already dragged out your dress clothes you packed, some black pants and a simple grey button down. She pouted that you didn’t match with her dress. You were going to tell her had she shown up the morning of your flight, she could have picked out your shirt. But you figure it’s best to leave that out. 

Some of the girls were heading down to the lake to wash up. You joined them along with Jackie. Not having much grace, you decided to just jump in the water and scrub what you could. Hopefully make your hair not feel so greasy. You were walking back to shore, probably knee deep in the water, wearing only your tight boxer briefs and a sports bra. Blissfully unaware of the conversation happening on the beach. 

“Is she…kind of hot?” Mari said aloud. 

“Shh, Jackie will kill you if she hears that” Gen warned Mari. 

You chose that time to shake your head a little, getting some of the water off your hair before running your fingers through it, your now shaggy hair looking particularly good wet.

“Let her” Mari said, shamelessly ogling you. 

You smiled at Mari and Gen as you walked up the beach, painfully unaware of the conversation taking place. You were also oblivious to the eye daggers your girlfriend was throwing your way. 

You made it back to the cabin before Jackie. You changed out of your wet undergarments and into your clothes for this evening. You dried your hair as best you could with a t-shirt you had laying around. Deciding you looked good enough, you were heading outside when you heard someone calling from the attic. 

“Can someone help zip me up?” 

Having nothing else to do, you walked into the pantry and looked up, seeing Shauna staring down. 

“Need help?” You asked. 

“Yes please” 

You climbed the ladder to the attic. Shauna was wearing a dark blue dress. It looked like she spent some time fixing her hair, even put on a little makeup that must have been left from the flight. You always knew Shauna was attractive, you’ve just never let yourself think about it. 

“I think the zipper is stuck or something” Shauna’s muttering returned your attention to the task at hand. 

She turned around so you could get a better look. You reached out and gave the zipper a tug with no luck. She tried to hold the fabric for you as you tried again. 

“Wait. The fabric is caught” you said softly. You gently worked the snagged fabric out of the zipper track, your knuckles grazing Shauna’s skin in the process. Finally, you’re able to get the zipper pulled all the way up for her. 

“There you go” 

“Thanks” she said softly, turning around to look at you. 

“Yeah. No problem. And uh. You look really nice Shauna” you give her a warm smile before you head back downstairs. 

She stares at the hatch even after you’ve disappeared. 

-----

“Jackie I don’t know what you’re even talking about” you say frustrated. 

You should be at Doomcoming with your friends. But instead your girlfriend is currently dragging you through the woods. You made it maybe 30 minutes into the party. Long enough for everyone to walk out and see each other's outfits. To make an appearance. Tai and Van hard launched to everyone, it made you so happy for your best friend. Tai even made her a Phantom of the Opera style mask to cover her scars for the night. 

But that happiness was short-lived. Because as soon as Jackie got a moment to pull you away, she did. And you could tell it wasn’t for something fun. 

She stops when you’re far enough away from camp so no one can hear you. There’s nothing here but a rotten old log and dirt. Nothing like where Shauna brought you out to talk. 

“Don’t! I saw it for myself. I heard her!” 

“Heard who!?” 

“Mari!” 

You sigh, “Jackie what is your hang up with Mari? I told you, she’s straight” 

She scoffs, “Oh really? Then why was she saying how hot you were at the lake today? She was drooling over you and you just fucking smiled at her” 

You sit down on the log, hoping it doesn’t cave in on you. 

“I swear I didn’t hear any of that. I smiled at them when I walked past, just like everyone else” 

Jackie crossed her arms, “You always have an excuse” 

“It’s not an excuse Jackie, it’s just fucking the truth!” 

You immediately regretted your choice of words and raising your voice. You’re usually so calm, but your emotions have just been eating at you. You saw the cold look wash over Jackie’s face. You tried to shrink down, show Jackie she was in control. But it was too late. You already messed up. 

Jackie reached down and grabbed a fist full of your hair. She pulled so hard, it yanked you down off the log you were sitting on, so you were kneeling before her on the ground. You quickly brought a hand up to her wrist, trying to get her to let go. She jerked your head upward so you were looking at her now. She towered above you, the coldness in her eyes accompanied by a barely suppressed fire in her voice. 

“You’re really making me lose my fucking patience”

“Jackie…” you softly pleaded.

“If you’re going to be such a pain in my ass, you can at least make yourself a little useful. You jump at the chance to help anyone else out here. Be at everyone else’s beck and call. But what about me?” 

You weren’t following. You do help Jackie. You’re constantly doing her chores and doing things to make it a little easier out here for her. You basically do whatever she tells you to do. You don’t know what else she wants. 

“What…what do you want me to do?” 

She rolls her eyes and tightens her grip in your hair a little more. You hiss at the pain. 

“I want you to act like you’re my fucking girlfriend. It’s been months” she gritted out. 

It still wasn’t clicking with you. 

“God you’re so fucking stupid” Jackie continued. She moved her free hand to her green dress, where she began to bunch it up. 

Oh. 

She yanked your head forward, still being controlled by her relentless grip in your hair. She gave you no time to prepare or brace yourself. Her free hand pulled her underwear over to the side while the bunched up part of her dress rested on her forearm. Your face was slammed into your girlfriend’s crotch. 

“Do it right” she ordered. 

You followed her command. You had to bring your hands to her thighs to steady yourself, hoping she wouldn’t yell at you. You moved your tongue against her as best as you could with your limited range of motion. You tried to fight your nerves to get a steady rhythm going that you knew Jackie liked. 

You’ve pleased your girlfriend many times before. You were no stranger to Jackie’s body. In the beginning, the two of you had a pretty good sex life. Jackie was your first. You remember the night she took your virginity. Her parents were out of town for the weekend. She made it special. You couldn’t believe that was really your life with her. Until everything got ruined. Until you got ruined. 

You should have seen this coming though, you thought. You knew Jackie was getting impatient. You knew this months ago. For a while, she was okay enough with just receiving. Begrudgingly. And you were happy enough to give. But even that stopped once the plane crashed. Now it was nothing. How long did you really expect her to wait, after all? You just didn’t think she would go about it like this. 

You were snapped out of your thoughts when you felt your girlfriend’s hips that were grinding into your mouth lose rhythm. She let out a noise that wasn’t quite a moan, more like a grunt. You assumed she was close. Jackie didn’t normally act like this during sex, so it was hard for you to tell. But you didn’t dare change anything you were doing, fearing what would happen if you did. You kept your movements the same. Eventually, Jackie’s orgasm washed over her, her thighs clenched around your head and you felt her arousal coat your mouth. She shoved your face away by releasing the grip on your hair when she had enough of you. Your scalp burned, it felt practically numb by now. You’re surprised she didn’t rip any of your hair out. You sat back on your heels and tried to catch your breath. 

“See?” Jackie breathed out, smoothing down her dress. “Was that so hard?” 

You shook your head ‘no’, not trusting your voice at the moment. 

“I don’t know why you have to make things so difficult” she said as she walked up to you. She crouched down in front of you so you were now eye level. “You used to like having sex with me”

“I - I do” you stammered out, “It’s just…” 

“You need to get over it” she told you bluntly. 

She placed one hand on your shoulder where it meets your neck. The other reached for your belt, quickly slipping the leather from the buckle. 

“Jackie” you grabbed her wrist. 

She ignored you, moving on to the button of your pants. 

“Jackie please” you tried again, nearly crying. 

She paused with a huff, meeting your tear filled eyes. The coldness in her own didn’t leave, but you think you saw a tiny crack. Just big enough to make her stop what she was doing. 

As Jackie stood, she muttered to you, “Get up”

You stood on shaky legs, buttoning your pants and redoing your belt. Jackie approached you again, reaching her hand out towards your head. You flinched at the movement. 

She paused only briefly, before using her hands to fix your hair. 

“It’s getting long” she said evenly, her tone not matching her behavior from just minutes ago. 

“Y-yeah” 

When she was finished, she dragged one of her hands down the side of your face, her palm cupping your cheek. She stared at you for a moment before dropping her hand and turning around, making her way back towards where your teammates are gathered. 

“Come on” 

You followed behind Jackie. Your mind spinning by what just transpired. It was impossible to comprehend how Jackie could sometimes be so cruel to you one moment, then just turn around and shut it right back off. It confused you. It messed with your mind. And it’s been becoming more frequent, and more intense. Your anxiety was spiking. Your depression flaring. You felt like a shell of yourself. What were you supposed to do when the person who you wanted to run to was the one making you want to run? 

From the moment you appeared from the tree line, Shauna’s eyes were on you. She noticed the way you walked with your hand in Jackie’s. However, you were a pace behind her, rather than next to her. She noticed the way you kept your head down when you walked, not meeting the eyes of your friends. She saw streaks of light colored dirt stained on the knees of your black dress pants. 

Shauna watched as you downed a cup of the fermented berry juice. And then another. You didn’t drink. Even at parties back home, it’d be rare for you to have a single beer. Shauna knew this. Something happened. Something that she had a feeling her best friend was to blame. 

-----

“Come on Shipman, don’t be a dud” Jackie said, offering Shauna a cup of the berry juice. 

“I’m good. My stomach’s a little queezy” 

Jackie eyed Shauna for that comment. A convenient excuse to not drink, she thought. 

“Whatever. Here” she said, shoving the drink in your hand instead. 

You had been sitting on a bench near the pair. Not talking to anyone. You take the drink without a word and take a gulp. Jackie wanders away when Misty, Crystal, Melissa, and Travis call her over. Odd group you think, but whatever. 

“Why don’t you switch” you look to your left to see Shauna sitting next to you now, a cup of stew Mari made in her hand. 

“Huh?” 

“Here, just…” she gently takes the cup of berry juice out of your hand and replaces it with the stew. She unceremoniously pours the rest of the alcohol out on the ground behind her. 

“Why’d you do that?” 

“Because you’ve had a lot…especially for you. Eat…please” 

“What about you?” You ask her, noticing she doesn’t have anything for herself. 

“I’m alright” she reassures. 

You slowly eat the food in your hand. Shauna makes sure you finish it. 

It’s beginning to get dark outside when you decide you need to go find Van. Except you don’t know where Van is at. Actually, you don’t really know where anyone is at. When did you walk into the woods? 

You know you’re not far from the cabin, you decide it’s probably best to make your way back. Jackie’s probably pissed. You can’t handle another round of pissed off Jackie tonight. 

You’re following one of the carved out paths when you hear…yelling? No, more like howling. But not from animals. It sounds like from people. What the hell? Maybe you did drink too much of that berry shit. 

Something catches your eye that makes you stop. It looks like flashes of figures running through the trees. Or maybe it is the trees. But trees can’t run into you, can they? 

You find yourself knocked to the ground, blinking up at one of the figures. 

Definitely not a tree. 

Travis had just run into you. He’s breathing heavily, and doesn’t have a shirt on? He looks at you with wide eyes before standing up and running down the path again. 

Not seconds later does a group of your teammates pass you, howling like wolves. They’re chasing Travis. For what, you don’t know. You see enough to notice Jackie isn’t with them. You stand up, staring at their retreating forms in confusion. You didn’t realize that one of your teammates stayed behind, abandoning their chase of Travis. 

“You feel It, don’t you?” 

You spin around to find Lottie standing close to you. You stumble a little. 

“Lottie? What are you-” 

“It’s out here. You feel It. I know you do” Lottie said in a disturbing tone. Her eyes were wide and wild as she towered over you. She had something on her head…horns? No, antlers? She studies your face as she continues slowly in her soft, cryptic voice, “It’s inside of you. You can change things. We don’t have to lose her. That doesn’t have to happen…none of it has to happen. You can bring back balance. Give It your sacrifice Y/N. Let the wilderness make it right. Let It take away your pain” 

Even through the haze clouding your mind, you know Lottie is speaking crazy. You stare at her in disbelief. Yet, you can’t break out of her intense gaze. Lottie’s hold on you is surreal, an all encompassing experience you can’t escape. Maybe, you don’t want to. 

“What the fuck, stop!” 

Natalie’s sharp voice breaks the spell Lottie seems to have over you. She is accompanied by Shauna. You’re not sure where either of them have been this whole time. 

“Shauna, the knife!” Nat’s voice rings out again. 

Shauna moves with a swiftness you don’t quite understand. It’s only when she’s inches in front of you, shoving Lottie out of the way and knocking something out of her hand do you realize…Lottie had you backed up against a tree with a knife at your throat. How did you not know this? What was happening to you? 

“It wants her, Shauna” Lottie explains, unapologetic of her actions. 

“That’s enough of your weird fucking bullshit Lottie! Haven’t you done enough!?” Natalie interjects, shoving the taller girl to the ground. 

Lottie manically chuckles from her spot in the dirt. 

“What the fuck…” you mumble out. Your head is spinning. 

Shauna sees you’re about to bolt, so she keeps a firm grip on your shoulder. She notices a small drip of blood coming from your neck, she swipes it away with her thumb, making sure it’s nothing serious.

Natalie approaches, “Are you okay?”

“I…I don’t feel right” you look up at her dazed. 

“You were right. Misty poisoned Coach. And it looks like she did it again, to all of us” 

You groan and give her a long, slow blink. You don’t even feel real right now. 

“Come on, let’s get back to the cabin” Nat tells you. Natalie is clearly high too. But you figure she probably has at least somewhat of a tolerance still, due to her…extracurricular activities back at home.

Shauna leads the way, since she didn’t eat or drink anything tonight, each of the girls keeping a hand on you. They don’t want to risk you running off on your own right now. 

Each step you take, the more you seem to disconnect from reality. When you arrive at a small house, you stop. 

“I don’t wanna go if he’s home” you tell Shauna. 

She looks at you confused, “If who’s home?”

“He’s gonna be mad” you mutter. 

Shauna looks at Nat for some help, seeing if she has any clue what you’re talking about. Natalie shrugs her shoulders, just as lost as Shauna. 

“Who Y/N? Who will be mad?” Nat tries. 

You try to take some steps backwards, but are stopped by your two friends. 

“Hey hey hey, we need to stay here, alright?” Nat puts her hands in front of you. 

Shauna notices how your eyes seem far away. Your hands are shaking. 

“How about we stay outside? We don’t have to go in. Would that be okay?” Shauna tries. 

You give Shauna an exaggerated long blink. 

“Outside” you mumble. 

“Yeah. Outside. Come on” she guides you over to one of the benches next to the fire pit near the cabin. 

You sit. You stare at the dirt, lightly digging the toe of your shoe into it. You feel like you’re losing your mind. What was Lottie saying? You try to think about it. But your mind can’t form coherent thoughts right now. 

“I’m going crazy” you say out loud.  

“It’s just the mushrooms. You just have to ride it out. It doesn’t seem like it’ll like, hurt us at least” Nat says. She’s staring into the fire, memorized by the patterns. 

Who started a fire? You didn’t even notice it. It looked so fake. So orange. You reached your hand out slowly to the sunset colored light. 

“Don’t” Shauna grabbed your hand lightly, bringing it back down to your lap. 

When did Shauna get next to you? You don’t mind though. You stare down at your hand in your lap. Her touch lingers even though her hand is no longer there. You look up into Shauna’s eyes. You don’t know if it’s because of your altered state, but you swear you see something in them that you’re a little afraid to name. It’s not the first time you’ve seen that look. It’s one that seems to be only reserved for you. Shauna’s eyes tell stories that her voice wouldn’t dare.

You lean towards Shauna. Only to dip your head and rest it on her shoulder. 

“I don’t feel good” you tell her quietly. You can’t be sure, but you think you feel her let out a breath she was holding. Maybe that was just your mushroom mind again. 

“I know” she rubs your head soothingly. 

“Shauna?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t leave me alone out here” 

“I won’t. I promise”

You both didn’t know the weight those simple words held for the other. But you felt oddly safe right now. Sure, you were in a forest, high off mushrooms, just had a knife to your throat, and are outside some building you’re too scared to go in. But right now, in this moment, you feel the gentle comfort of Shauna’s hand running through your hair. Her words repeat in your mind. You think of the look you saw when you met her eyes. 

Tomorrow, you will have to piece together what happened today. You will have to face some uncomfortable thoughts and realizations. But, not tonight. 

Tonight, you don’t panic. 

Tonight, you don’t worry. 

Tonight, you’re not plagued by nightmares of your haunted past. 

Tonight, you don’t let your sadness consume you. 

Tonight, you don’t think about Jackie. 

Starting to get into the drama 👀 The next chapter is going to be even more action packed, and some of the lingering questions are going to be answered, and a few revelations will be made. Hope you enjoy, stay tuned! 😊

Chapter 7

Hours passed as you sat in the old wooden chair at your best friend’s side. Most of your teammates made their way to bed by now. But not you. Taking your eyes off of Van for even a moment felt like she would disappear into this place. No matter how heavy your eyes got, you forced them to remain open. 

A light hand on your shoulder shook your thoughts, but still you didn’t take your attention off of Van. 

“You need to sleep” you heard Jackie whisper to you. 

You gave a slight shake of your head, your eyes still remaining forward. You felt her hand slip away. 

It wasn’t long before a warm, gentle weight returned around you. Jackie had wrapped one of your blankets around your shoulders from behind. Her arms lingered around your torso as she placed a soft kiss on your temple. She gave you one more slight squeeze before she slipped away back into the slumbering shadows of the cabin. 

Your mind ran circles all night long. Wondering why this happened. How it happened. Why Van was the only one hurt. It wasn’t until you vaguely began to see bodies stirring in your peripheral that you realized daylight was beginning to peak through the cabin windows. 

Your attention was only slightly grabbed by a loud banging noise. Laura Lee was telling everyone she had an announcement. You were half listening, until you heard her mention Van needing serious medical treatment. 

She was planning on flying the dead cabin guy’s plane that you all had found weeks ago south, to god knows where. To get help. You heard Coach try to forbid it, but he was once again overruled. Coach Ben seems to be quickly losing whatever influence he may have had out here, if even Laura Lee is disregarding him. 

There were some discussions you were only partially attuned to. The concept of winter approaching. Starvation. Various needs for medical attention. You were just focused on Van. Though, you didn’t really see how Laura Lee was going to fly an old ass plane just by reading a book. But, who were you to stop her? 

The chatter faded in your mind again, you didn’t really care about the details at this point. It wasn’t until you heard Taissa’s voice next to you that you zeroed in again.

“How is she?” She asked. 

You felt your hands tighten at the question. She would know the answer to that if she had come down here at any point of the night. It wasn’t lost on you that Tai decided to sleep in the attic again. You couldn’t comprehend her choosing to be so far away while your best friend, her girlfriend, was lying hurt and unconscious downstairs. Was staying in the closet really that big of a deal at this point? You’re all stranded in the woods and are probably going to die out here. It seemed selfish to you. Van was on the brink of death and Tai was more worried about her image. 

“You would know that if you were here” you said in a quiet, even tone. Your eyes still remained focused on Van. 

There was a beat of silence before Tai spoke again. “I couldn’t…I…” 

“You what, Tai?” You said, exhausted. 

“It was my fault” 

You thought she was just blaming herself unnecessarily, like most people typically would in this type of situation. 

“I was supposed to be on watch. I…I fell asleep. And I’ve been sleepwalking. I woke up away from our camp and the wolves were already there…” tears brimmed Tai’s eyes as she spoke in a voice only you could hear.  

For the first time since last night, your eyes moved away from your best friend. They locked on to Taissa in a slow, piercing manner. Your jaw clenched. You felt something burn in your stomach. Anger wasn’t an emotion you often experienced. You weren’t someone who ever raised their voice. You didn’t let things impact your emotions in that way. You dealt with enough anger in your life, you didn’t need to experience it yourself. 

“What?” 

“Y/N-”

“You were supposed to be on watch, and you fucking fell asleep? Van’s hurt because of you. You almost got her fucking killed!” Your voice grew in volume as you stood from your chair. 

Your teammates quickly intervened as they saw you step to Tai.

“Woah calm down” Nat interjected. 

“Don’t fucking tell me to calm down” 

“Hey, hey relax. Look, you haven’t slept-” Jackie tried, only to be interrupted by you. 

“Yeah because some of us know to stay awake when we’re supposed to fucking stay awake” you spat out. Jackie honestly didn’t know how to handle you right now, she never really saw you mad before. 

Tai tried to speak again, but you paid no attention to her words. All you saw was anger towards her. You took another step in her direction, shoulder checking Jackie out of your way, your fists clenched hard. 

You were blocked by Shauna, completely stepping in front of you. She was still wearing the shirt and shorts she slept in. She put her hands on your biceps, halting your movement. She caught your line of sight, her brown doe eyes boring into your heated ones. 

“Stop” she spoke out to you in a low tone. It only took a few seconds for Shauna to feel some of the tension leave you. To everyone else, it may have looked like you were still ready to swing at Tai, with your still clenched fists and tight set jaw. But Shauna felt it in the way her hands didn’t have to hold you back as much, they were simply resting on your arms now.

“Come on, let’s take a walk” she continued to block your view of Taissa all the way to the cabin door, not letting you throw any last minute looks her way. Before you crossed the threshold, you stopped. Shauna was prepared for another bout of resistance. 

“Van…” was all you said to her. She knew what you meant. You didn’t want to leave Van, you were worried. 

“She’ll be okay, everyone is up now” Shauna reassured you, before gently pushing you through the door. You did not need to be around Tai right now. 

-----

From the moment you pushed through her to get to Tai, Jackie’s hazel eyes analyzed your every movement. Jackie didn’t understand why you fought against her, but so easily listened to Shauna. She was even being nice and understanding with you. Yet Shauna says one word to you and that’s all it takes. 

The thoughts wouldn’t leave Jackie’s mind. What didn’t she know? Maybe there was a reason why you would go easy on Shauna. Ever since you crashed, you seemed to be interacting strangely with her best friend. And Jackie knew Shauna was hiding something from her. It’s been driving her crazy. 

Jackie slipped into the attic while everyone prepared for the morning. You were outside walking somewhere with Shauna to cool off, Tai was down with Van. So no one would be coming upstairs any time soon. So Jackie did what she did best - she snooped. She knew Shauna wrote in that stupid journal all the time. She just had to find it. She didn’t care that she would be violating her best friend’s privacy, she needed answers. 

It took some time before Jackie finally spotted the brown leather bound book in the rafters. After too much effort for her liking, she finally got the thought filled bundle of pages down. She took a quick glance out the attic window to make sure you weren’t back yet, before she sat down on the floor and cracked the book open. 

Scanning page after page without knowing what she was looking for exactly proved to be difficult. Jackie didn’t want to waste time by reading every page of the book, knowing she could be busted any minute. Most of what crossed her eyes were just Shauna’s angsty thoughts and details of being stranded out here. Like that was helpful. 

Jackie was about to give up, until a certain paragraph caught her eye. There, written in Shauna’s messy handwriting, 

‘Keeping something like this from Jackie has been so hard. But she would be devastated to find out, especially like this out here. It would be so much easier to deal with back home. But I don’t know if we’re going back home. I don’t know if rescue will ever come for us. What am I going to do? As more months pass, the harder it is to hide-’

The distant sound of your voice causes Jackie to slam the book shut. She scrambles to haphazardly replace the journal in the rafters where Shauna left it. She wipes at her face, not really realizing she had been crying.

Jackie tries to quickly collect herself as new thoughts fly through her mind. So she was right, Shauna was hiding something. Something that would upset her to find out here, that would be easier to deal with back at home, and that gets worse as the months pass? It clicked with Jackie in an instant. She knew she had it figured out. Shauna was pregnant. Shauna must have told you. And that’s why you’ve been so willing to hear her out on things and being weird. And that explains why Shauna’s been such a bitch lately. It all made sense to Jackie in her mind. 

-----

You walked next to Shauna, not speaking a word. You followed her down whatever path she had her mind set on. You were still stewing internally. You don’t even know why you came out here with her so easily. You didn’t notice Shauna came to a halt until you bumped into her. 

“Sit” she motioned. She had brought you out to a small clearing. There was a fallen tree in a grassy area, perfect for sitting and talking. You’ve never been to this spot before. You again do what Shauna said. 

“I know you’re mad. But Tai-”

“Tai’s a fuc-“ you interrupted. 

“Don’t.” Shana cut you off. She wasn’t yelling or angry, but she was firm. “I need you to listen to me first. Okay?” 

She took your silence as a ‘yes’.  

“Tai told me last night what happened out there. Her sleepwalking has been bad. It scares her. That’s why she took the first watch. She didn’t mean to fall asleep. You know she wouldn’t purposely put any of them in danger. She feels really guilty” 

“She should” you mutter. 

“Y/N…” 

“Why are you defending her?” 

“She’s my friend. And she’s yours too. She made a mistake. It was an accident” Shauna resonates with you gently. 

“A mistake that nearly got my best friend killed” you say, the anger starting to slip away. 

“I know”

You take a deep breath in and slowly exhale. You look up at Shauna for the first time since you’ve sat down. She sees tears lining your eyes. 

“I don’t know what I’d do without her Shauna” you admit in a quiet voice. “Van’s been the only person who’s ever really cared about me” 

Shauna nods her head in understanding. She makes a mental note that your sentiment didn’t include Jackie, whether you meant that intentionally, she doesn’t know. 

“She made it through the night. That’s big. Van’s strong, and we’ll do whatever we can for her”

You give her a head nod and try to stop yourself from crying. Shauna scoots closer and gives you a side hug, “And for the record, she’s not the only one who cares about you anymore. Just so you know” 

“Thanks Shauna. I’m…sorry. For getting mad. I’m not usually like that” 

“You don’t have to apologize to me, you’re allowed to feel things” she offers. “We can sit here as long as you want. Until you feel ready to go back” 

She pauses for a moment “and not to punch Tai” she lightly teases. 

You give a half chuckle at that, “I’m pretty sure she could kick my ass anyways” 

Shauna gives you a smile. You sit together for a while before you feel ready to return to the cabin. You know you’ll have to talk to Tai privately at some point. 

-----

When you and Shauna first return to the cabin, you avoid Tai. Natalie told you and Shauna that everyone was getting ready to head out to the small plane, to help clear a runway for Laura Lee. Shauna moved to get dressed, while you opted to check on Van. You didn’t bother changing out of the clothes you wore yesterday, having been up all night. 

You stood next to Van, and held her hand. Her breathing looked stronger than last night. You think that’s a good thing. 

“So, what do you think of this plan?” You heard Coach Ben ask you. 

“I don’t know” you answered honestly. 

He nods his head then motions down to Van, “She was moving her hands a little. She hasn't woken up yet, but the movements are good. And hell, if I survived Misty chopping off my fucking leg out here, Van’s got this” 

You appreciated him trying to cheer you up. 

“Thanks Coach” you gave him a small smile. 

As everyone gathered supplies from the cabin to clear the runway, Jackie found you. You haven’t spoken to her besides during your incident with Tai this morning. 

“Hey…you okay?” She asked 

You shrugged, “I guess” 

Jackie gave you an odd look that you couldn’t quite figure out. 

“Jax…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to run into you like that earlier” you told your girlfriend sheepishly. 

The odd look Jackie had settled into something softer.  

“It’s alright, I get it” 

You gave her a half smile. You were a little surprised Jackie was being so patient and level headed about all of this. Pleasantly surprised, but surprised nonetheless. 

“Alright, everyone ready?” You heard Nat call out to the group. 

Tai told the team she was going to stay here, stating that Van shouldn’t be left alone. Everyone agreed. Tai said her goodbyes to Laura Lee. 

You followed Jackie out the cabin door, then hesitated on the porch. 

“What is it?” Jackie asked you. 

“I need to talk to Tai…” 

Jackie paused for a moment, before she surprised you again. 

“You should stay and talk. While you have time alone”

“Thanks Jackie” you told her softly, giving her a warm hug. You breathed her in, allowing yourself to melt into her for just a few seconds. “I’m gonna say goodbye” 

You caught Laura Lee before she got too far away. You gave her a hug and told her goodbye, wishing good luck and telling her to be safe. You felt bad not attending and seeing her off, but you had to sort this out with Tai. And the whole rest of the team would be there for Laura Lee. 

Jackie and Shauna were walking out together, Jackie grabbing your hand to stop you as you passed to go back inside the cabin. 

“Be nice”

“I will” 

“Alright. You know where I’ll be. I love you baby” Jackie made a show of pulling you in for an exaggerated kiss. Shauna rolled her eyes. Jackie acted like she was the one flying off in the airplane. 

“I love you too” you said quietly, your face flushing from Jackie kissing you like that in front of your friends. 

As your teammates walked off on the plane mission, you reentered the cabin on a mission of your own: Taissa. 

The quiet creak of the door opening and closing caught Tai’s attention. She turned her head to find you standing there, awkwardly. 

“I thought you went with” 

“Changed my mind”

She gave a slight nod of the head. 

You took in Tai’s appearance. Her puffy eyes indicated she had been crying. She looked exhausted. In your anger, you forgot that even if Tai didn’t get physically hurt, she watched this all happen. Van was your best friend. But she was also Taissa’s girlfriend. You couldn’t imagine watching Jackie get violently attacked. 

You sighed and leaned against the windowsill. 

“I shouldn’t have said what I did. I’m sorry” 

“You weren’t wrong” Tai replied. 

“I was out of line” 

There’s a beat of silence before you break it again. 

“Why don’t you just tell them Tai? What do you have to lose anymore?” You ask quietly. 

She hesitates, “It’s not that simple” 

“Isn’t it? Van almost died” 

“I know!” She snaps a little. “I know” she repeats much calmer the second time. “That’s what makes it worse. How am I supposed to tell everyone that I let the person I love be ripped apart” her voice breaks when she speaks. 

“Hey…” you move closer “You didn’t. And when Van wakes up, she’ll tell you the same thing” 

Tai leans down resting her head on her arm as she holds Van’s hand. You rub her back in a soothing manner. You’re not very good at comforting people, you think. But you make the effort. 

You sit with Tai for a few hours. You don’t speak much, but there’s a quiet forgiveness made between the two of you. That’s something you’ve always admired about Tai - even in emotional times she usually kept a level head. She was logical in most of her actions, yet she wasn’t heartless. You could see why Van liked her so much actually, they complimented each other well. 

Eventually, you decide you should probably try to find something for dinner, since you’re just sitting here.

“I’m gonna go check the snares. Are you gonna be alright?” 

“Yeah…be careful, okay?” Tai tells you. 

“I will” you reassure her. 

Following the route to each snare gives you time to reflect. You focus on everything and nothing all at once. After coming up empty at all the nearby snares, you figure you have time to venture out to some of the further away ones. You’re probably a good mile away from camp when you realize there’s probably nothing out here, you’re just wasting time. You should have been fishing or foraging instead. 

You’re on the walk back to the cabin when something in the sky above the treeline catches your eye. It’s not too far in the distance. You squint in confusion. It looks like…smoke?

Your heart sinks a little when you figure out what direction you’re looking in. South. The direction Laura Lee was going to fly that plane. 

-----

The atmosphere of the cabin has been morbid for over a week. Laura Lee’s death had been the first since the initial plane crash. You couldn’t help but to wonder who would be next. It almost seemed inevitable. 

The only thing that was keeping you going, was that Van was doing better. She was awake. In a lot of pain, and she slept a lot still, barely moving from her makeshift table bed. But she was awake. Akilah really did one hell of a job sewing her up. 

“It’s time to change her bandages” Misty’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts. You were sitting next to Van in the wooden chair that had nearly become a part of you at this point. 

“Yeah. Yeah okay” 

You stood up and moved out of the way so Misty and Akilah had easy access to Van’s face. Misty moved to untie the knot securing the string of bandages, only to be met by a hand trying to shove her away. 

Misty sighed. Van did this every time. The blonde haired girl turned to you. 

“Y/N can you help us out here?” 

“Me?” 

“Maybe she won’t fight you. It’ll be better if she’s relaxed” Akilah chimed in, sensing your nervousness. 

You slowly approached your best friend. “What do I do?” 

“Just untie the knot, and start unwrapping. Go slow, don’t pull. If you feel any resistance, stop. That means it’s stuck, we don’t want to pull any scabs or stitches” Akilah informs you. 

You nod your head and bring shaky hands up to the top of Van’s head. You too are met with a hand reaching out to you. 

“Hey…it’s me” you tell Van softly. “You’re okay. We just need to change the bandages” 

You receive a muffled groan in reply. 

“I’m gonna unwrap them now, try to relax”

You untie the knot and remove the wrapping the way Akilah told you. When they were completely off, Misty appeared with clean bandages. 

You looked at Van. “Misty and Akilah are going to clean you up a little and wrap you up again, okay?” 

Van held contact with you for a few seconds before she gave a barely there movement of her head. 

You watched as they bandaged her up again, moving around the stitched wounds with careful precision. Van fell asleep shortly after they were finished. 

You move to sit by the fire, joining Mari who was cooking dinner. 

“What is that?” You asked her. 

“You really wanna know?” 

“Probably not” you scrunched your nose. The food situation hasn’t gotten any better. You were all lucky to get a rabbit or a fish to share between all of you every couple of days. Whatever Mari was cooking definitely didn’t look like either of those though. 

“So like. What’s up with them?” Mari gestures over to where Shauna is sitting with Tai. 

“Who, Shauna and Tai?” You ask confused. 

“No idiot, Jackie and Shauna” she points her spoon slyly over to where Jackie is perched on a chair, very obviously brooding about something. 

You shrug, “I don’t know” 

“Oh come on” 

“No, really. I’ve tried to figure it out. And Jackie just gets mad when I ask. So” you put your hands up in defeat.  

Mari hums in thought. 

“What?” 

“Nothing” 

“Mari” 

“Nothing!” She insists, that annoying smirk on her face. “Here, be useful and start handing this shit out” she says and she begins to scoop small portions of the mystery dinner into bowls and cups. 

You roll your eyes at her, though you can’t help but grin at Mari’s irritating behavior. 

“I’m not eating that” Jackie insists when you bring over her food. 

“Jax you have to eat” you tell her. 

“I don’t have to do anything” 

“Come on, that’s not what I meant” 

She rolls her eyes at you. 

You hold out the cup of food again to her, she takes it out of your hand with more force than necessary. “Am I supposed to eat this with my hands or what” 

“Oh. Here uh, you can have my spoon” you offer her. There weren't enough utensils to go around, so usually those who had a cup didn’t use spoons, since it was easier to navigate than with a bowl. 

She again snatched the silverware out of your hand. Your breath caught a little, sensing what kind of mood your girlfriend was in. You knew the calm mood Jackie had been in recently wasn’t going to be long lived. Sometimes, it felt like you were walking on eggshells, just waiting. 

You sat down on the floor next to Jackie and quietly ate from your bowl. Your wide bowl made it too hard to tilt the brothy mixture into your mouth, so you tried to just fish out the bigger chunks with your fingers. 

Across the room, another conversation was taking place. 

“I’m telling you Tai, someone read it” 

“Why would anyone do that?” 

“I don’t know” Shauna admitted. “But it was moved. I know it was” 

“How could you te-”

“Are you fucking serious” Shauna interrupted with a mutter. 

“What?” Tai asked with her eyebrows scrunched. She tried to follow Shauna’s line of sight. 

“Look at that” 

She was referring to where you were now sitting quietly next to Jackie, eyes cast downward. 

“What’d I miss?” Tai questioned. 

Shauna told her how she saw Jackie pull the items out of your hands. 

“And now she’s just sitting there on the ground” 

“Shauna…”

“I’m not watching this anymore” she grumbled, standing up. Tai’s eyes widened a little as she saw Shauna walking towards you, unsure what was going to happen. 

You were staring down at your food, having given up on eating it. You could just wait until everyone else was done. 

“Here” you snapped your head up only to be met by Shauna standing in front of you. Outstretched in her hand was a spoon. You assumed it was the one she was using. 

You glanced over at Jackie, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Shauna. Jackie was staring with that eerie calm face that was really anything but. You looked back at Shauna. 

“It’s okay Shauna, you don’t have to-”

“Take it” she insisted. 

You reached your hand up and accepted the utensil. Shauna held eye contact with Jackie for half a beat too long before returning to her spot next to Tai. 

“What was that?” Tai asked her quietly as she returned. 

“I’m tired of Jackie treating people like shit” 

Tai gave Shauna a knowing look, but Shauna’s attention was still focused on you. 

You slowly and silently ate your food, feeling like every scoop and chew was an instigation to Jackie. Her presence beside you felt overwhelming. It felt like you were sitting under a spotlight. When you finished, you stood to bring your dish to the kitchen area, ready to be washed in the morning. Jackie refused to hand you hers, instead glaring into your eyes as you reached for the cup and spoon yourself. You shrank under her gaze, not needing any spoken words to receive the message she was conveying. 

Jackie was just about to follow you into the kitchen, but remained seated when she saw Natalie make her way to the area. 

“Hey” 

You jumped at the sound of Nat’s voice, nearly dropping the dishes on the counter. 

“Jesus, my bad” Nat said, thinking she had just startled you. She’s not entirely wrong. She just wasn’t who you were expecting. 

You gave an unconvincing laugh, trying to play it off. “Sorry, just surprised me”

Nat nodded, “Right. Well uh, I was coming to ask if you were up for checking snares tomorrow. Me and Travis are going to go farther out for a hunt. And well, you know all the snare routes” 

“Oh yeah, no problem”

You’ve come to enjoy checking the snares, actually. It could take a long time sometimes, but it was peaceful. 

“Are you alright? Your head isn’t bothering you again or anything, is it?” Nat asked, hesitant to leave the room. 

“No, no I'm good” you told her “Just haven’t been sleeping much”

Nat gave you a look like she didn’t quite believe you before returning to the living room. 

You weren’t far behind, returning to your spot on the floor next to Jackie. You could feel her eyes on you as soon as you entered the room. You didn’t speak to anyone else for the remainder of the evening. 

Sleep didn’t come easy that night. You could feel the irritation still radiating off of Jackie. You laid beside her, trying to be still and stay quiet, doing your best to avoid disturbing your girlfriend. 

You were being chased. Running down a dark path, his dooming presence looming behind you. There was nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide. You couldn’t get away. 

Suddenly you jolted upright, heart beating out of your chest. Ragged breath filled the air. It took you several seconds to gain your bearings. You were still here. In the cabin. You must have fallen asleep. You don’t even remember closing your eyes. You scanned the dark, cramped room, hoping you didn’t wake any of your teammates. Jackie still laid next to you, facing the opposite direction. If she was awake, she didn’t bother to turn around. Everyone else still seemed to be asleep. Everyone, except for Lottie. 

Lottie was sitting completely upright near the low fire, the reflections of the flames bouncing off of her silhouette. She was staring directly at you, with an intensity brighter than the dancing lights. You looked at her with an uncomfortable sense of curiosity. She never broke. She didn’t speak. She didn’t motion. She just stared. 

You slowly laid back down and turned on your side, scooting closer to Jackie. You lightly gripped her shirt, hoping to anchor yourself a bit. You’d rather deal with the consequences from your pissed off girlfriend than whatever the hell Lottie’s got going on. 

This chapter helps build and foreshadow/preface some future themes and events, I hope it doesn't feel too much like filler. Chapter 6 is going to really start heating things up...stay tuned! Thanks for reading!

Chapter 6

Unbalanced Series Masterlist

As the weeks pass, the tension between Jackie and Shauna grows. Jackie has become increasingly more irritable. You’re trying to cool the flames, not wanting things to blow up. You spend most of your days doing things to keep Jackie happy. 

Shauna had started sleeping in the attic with Tai. You agreed with Shauna that Tai shouldn’t be up there alone. However, Jackie said you were staying downstairs. So downstairs you stayed. 

You’re carrying a bucket of water up from the lake for your girlfriend, when you trip over a branch on the ground. You stumble just enough to make some of the water splash out and onto Jackie’s shoes. 

Your eyes immediately fly up to Jackie’s, you stammer out a “sorry Jax” as quickly as you can. 

Jackie’s words are silenced before they even leave her mouth, noticing Van sitting just feet away from you. You can tell by the way her nostrils flare that you were in for a verbal lashing if not for your friend's presence. 

As Jackie stomps away, Van approaches you. 

“What’s her problem?” 

“I spilled water on her shoes” 

“Well aren’t you just the worst person on Earth” Van teases. 

You smile at your friend’s light approach, as Tai makes her way over. 

“Did you guys know Laura Lee is baptizing Lottie?” 

You both stare at her confused. 

“Oh, so we’re doing cults now. Exciting” 

Tai jabs Van for her comment. You laugh, getting a playful eye roll from them both. 

“Should we be concerned? Lottie has been off for weeks now” 

You shrug your shoulders at Tai’s question. 

“She has. But I mean come on, it’s Laura Lee. What’s the worst that can happen?” 

“You know, she asked me if I was eating dirt. Like, she was convinced” Tai added. 

You half laughed. Maybe Lottie really was losing it. 

-----

The food supply has been running low. Natalie and Travis haven’t had any luck getting game. Some of the girls implied that they were too busy screwing in the woods instead of hunting. Jackie of course being one of those people. You can’t really blame her this time though, not having food is wearing down on everyone. But you don’t think it’s from a lack of effort from the group's hunters. You still had berries and whatever other small things you could find or catch. But it wasn’t enough. Misty and Akilah had been in charge of making sure whatever berries and herbs were found weren’t poisonous. Apparently that was needed after Mari tried to eat some deadly berries. 

It was early afternoon as you saw some of your team gathering around near the tree line as Natalie and Travis returned from this morning's hunt. You decided to join them. Laid before you was a deer…but there was something wrong with it. Coach assured everyone that antler shedding was normal. He encouraged Shauna to do the honors of cutting it open. 

As Shauna made the first slice into the animal carcass, she paused. Lifting her knife, she stared at her hand in disbelief. Maggots poured out of the deer’s fresh wound. The group was visibly disgusted. As Jackie gagged, you put a hand on her back. She ducked her face into your shoulder as you held a hand up to your own mouth. 

Taissa couldn’t hold it together after the rotten deer. She insisted that she was leaving to go find help. That you all couldn’t keep doing this. It was apparent to everyone by now that rescue wasn't coming. There was some debate, but no one was changing Tai’s mind. She was leaving first thing in the morning, anyone who wanted to join her could. 

Misty, Mari, and Akilah were joining Tai. Misty made a show of saying goodbye to Coach. You made eye contact with Nat, a silent conversation passing between you. Your breath caught when you turned and saw Van, with a full backpack matching Taissa’s. 

You don’t know why you thought she was staying. Of course she’d be going with Tai. Tai was her girlfriend. 

“You gonna be okay buddy?” She asks you. 

You give her a nod, trying to fight the emotions you feel building up. You don’t want Van to go. 

“Hey…it’s gonna be alright. We need to do this” she wraps you in a hug, and your grip on her is tight. What are you supposed to do here without her? 

You finally pull apart as Tai comes over to say goodbye as well. She gives you a hug, and you tell the pair to be safe. 

Watching them walk away is like watching a part of you die out here. You can’t help but to be filled with worry for your best friend. 

-----

Van’s absence is felt immediately. Since she set out with Tai, you’ve been keeping to yourself as much as possible. With the mood Jackie has been in, you don’t want to risk your interactions with the others being misinterpreted again. Especially without Van here as a barrier. Usually, you’d talk to Shauna too. But with whatever is building between your girlfriend and her best friend, you’re trying to limit extra conversation with the brunette, as much as you enjoy her company. 

You’re charged with checking the snares closest to camp today. Grateful for some rare alone time, you’re in no rush to complete the task. At the fourth and final snare, you spot Nat returning from checking the further out snares. You guess you’ve taken longer than you thought. 

“Any luck?” She asks as she sees you making your way back to the path that’s been carved out. 

“Nothing” you say. It’s been lucky to get a rabbit or two every other day. 

You take advantage of the one on one time with Nat to discuss the Misty situation again. 

“You caught that this morning, right? Misty with Coach?” You ask her. 

“Yeah. She definitely has a thing for him. But I still don’t know if she like, would poison him or whatever. You know? I mean why would she try to off the one person here who she thinks likes her.” 

“Crystal likes her” you point out in a dry tone. 

Nat just gives you a look and smirks. 

The pair of you pop out of the treeline, and go your separate ways into camp. Nat heads inside, while you opt to hangout by the fire outdoors. 

Just as you’re about to sit down, Jackie grabs your upper arm to get your attention. 

“I need to talk to you” 

“Okay, what’s up?” You ask. 

“Not here” Jackie says as she grabs your hand, leading you back out to the woods. You take a short walk, not too far from the cabin, but enough distance out to where your teammates can’t easily eavesdrop either. 

“What is it Jax?” You ask again when Jackie drops your hand. 

“I don't know why I have to keep having this conversation with you” 

“What conversation?” 

“I saw you with Natalie” 

“Jackie-”

“Do you even want to be with me?” She interrupts you. 

“Of course I do! Why would you ask me that” you say bewildered. 

Jackie clenches her jaw. She doesn’t bother giving you a response. Desperate for your girlfriend to know you’re telling the truth, you continue. 

“We were just talking. Am I not supposed to talk to anyone besides you? That’s not fair” 

“Oh please, don’t give me that” 

You think that might be exactly what Jackie wants, actually. You exhale loudly through your nose, fed up by your girlfriend's behavior. 

“You don’t have to be so insecure-”

A loud cracking sound interrupts your sentence. Painful stinging envelopes the left side of your face. A metallic taste pricks at the corner of your mouth. The force of the impact was so hard, your entire head shifted to the right. You stare at the ground, eyes wide with hot tears brimming their edges. 

Jackie stands with her hand still slightly extended. She is stunned at her own action. Sure, there have been some questionable grabs before. Maybe some unwarranted pushes here and there. Not always the kindest of words. But she’s never done this before. 

Jackie had just hit you. 

“Y/N…” Jackie says quietly, taking a step towards you. 

You instinctively take a step back, your breathing uneven. You’re still looking at the ground, but Jackie can see a welt already forming on your face. The prominent shape of her fingers rising in angry red on your flesh. She sees blood on your lip. 

“I’m…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to” she tries again.

You don’t see your girlfriend in front of you right now. Your mind is floating, getting lost in thoughts of all the times a hand has been raised to you before. You never imagined that hand would one day be Jackie’s. 

“Y/N please” Jackie says, almost pleading. 

You shake your head and keep backing away, breath ragged and hands shaking. Eventually you get enough distance to do what you’ve always done best. Run. 

You blindly zip through countless trees and bushes. You have no destination or plan in mind, you just want to get away. Once your lungs finally start burning, you slow down. Stopping in the middle of a small clearing, you let yourself collapse against a nearby tree. The sobs that leave your throat fill the woody air unobstructed. 

You sit there until you notice the sun is beginning to set. Unaware of where you actually are, you figure you better find your way back to camp. You really don’t want to be lost out in the woods all night on top of it. You walk for a while, getting more frustrated at yourself for your reaction. You just had to run away. It must have been over an hour before you’re finally able to spot a small puff of smoke in the air against the darkening sky, signaling the cabin’s chimney. At least you know what direction to walk in now. 

When you finally reach the edge of camp, you decide to pull the hood of your sweatshirt up over your head. You don’t know what your face looks like, but you know it doesn’t feel great. You don’t want to draw any questions from your teammates. You try to sneak into the cabin unobserved, but of course you’re unsuccessful. 

“Y/N! Where have you been dude, we were about to send out a search party” you hear Nat call from her place on the porch, where she was sitting with Travis and some of the JV girls. 

You clear your throat and try to act casual. 

“Sorry, I got a little turned around out there” you play off. 

“Alright…well Mari’s cooking a fish that Gen caught today.” She informs you. 

“Okay, sounds good”. You hurry inside, keeping your head down a little as you walk past Nat and the others. 

When you walk through the door, thankfully not a lot of attention is drawn to you. Everyone is occupied doing something or chatting. You make your way to the attic, hoping no one is up there. 

You’re staring out the attic window, still reflecting on the afternoon’s events, when soft footsteps snap you out of your thoughts. 

“…baby…” 

You freeze at the sound of Jackie’s voice. You’re hyper aware of her movements behind you. It sounds like she stopped several feet behind you. She doesn’t move to touch you. 

“Y/N… please. Please, can we talk” she tries again. 

You slowly turn to face your girlfriend. She looks nervous. A rare sight you will never get used to. 

You remain silent, staring at Jackie with your hood still up.

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry” she tries, “I don’t know why I did that. I didn’t mean to” 

Your lip quivers as you whisper in a voice Jackie can barely hear, “You hit me”

Jackie has tears welling in her eyes as she takes half a step towards you. 

“I know. I know. God, I’m so fucking sorry.” She flexes her hands at her sides. She’s nervous to reach out to you. 

“I don’t know what I do wrong” you admit, your voice breaking. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong. It was my fault. And it will never happen again. I promise. Please Y/N” Jackie desperately pleads, “I love you”. 

Your head is spinning with mixed emotions. You want Jackie’s comfort, but Jackie is the one that caused your pain. But you love Jackie. And you’ve never seen her so emotional and apologetic. 

You sniffle and meet her eyes. The movement is barely there, but it’s enough. You nod your head in a small, jerky movement. 

“Yeah?” Jackie asks for verbal confirmation. 

You nod your head again, a little stronger this time. Jackie carefully closes the distance between you. She reaches up and gently pulls down your hood. She takes in the state of your face. In the hours that have passed, the welt has gone down. Though a red mark is still apparent on your cheek. There is also a small split in your bottom lip. She gently presses her palm against your cheek, her hand keeping a very light pressure. You slightly flinch at the initial contact. Jackie rubs her thumb over the heated area, wiping away a tear that has made its way down. 

“I’m sorry” she whispered to you. 

You close your eyes and take in the feeling, trying to maintain control of your breathing. Jackie’s arms wrap around you. Your resolve crumbles, and you slump into her embrace. Your tears openly fall, you’re sure getting her shirt wet where you’ve tucked your face against her shoulder. 

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry…it’ll never happen again. I love you” Jackie kept repeating in a whisper. 

You sit with Jackie in the attic for quite some time. She only leaves to get you some of the fish Mari had cooked, and to grab your sleep stuff. You both spend the night in the attic alone. Jackie keeps you wrapped in her arms the entire time. 

By morning, the red mark on your face has faded. Your lip has a small cut where it had split, but you figured it would be easy enough to explain away if anyone asked. 

You join the rest of your team downstairs for breakfast. Breakfast being pine needle tea and some berries. Jackie notices the way the tea seems to burn your lip whenever you take a sip. She watches you apologetically. 

It’s mid afternoon when everyone is sitting outside. Jackie suddenly stands up, gathering the attention of yourself and the others. Misty, Mari, and Akilah wandered into camp. Tai and Van are noticeably absent. The trio are met with a barrage of questions. Three words make your stomach fall and bile rise up your throat. 

Van was attacked. 

-----

The search for Tai and Van takes hours. You feel out of body as Misty is doing her best to retrace their steps through the thick woods. It’s getting dark outside. Even with the lanterns your team carries from the cabin, you fear it won’t be enough to find them. Screams of their names echo through the forest, bouncing off of trees in every direction. The burst of light in the sky almost doesn’t register to you. Someone points out it’s the flare from the flare gun Taissa brought with. 

You take off running in that direction with one sole thought on your mind: Van. 

The search party comes to a halt, spotting two figures sitting on the dirt near a fallen log. Tai is slouched over, a weak arm wrapped around Van. Her head lifts and her eyes instantly find yours. Tai’s watery eyes are filled with something that looks like…devastation? 

That’s when you look down and take in the sight of your best friend. She has cloth wrapped around her head, covering most of her face. You place your hands on her shoulders to sit her up a little off of Tai. Her head lolls to the side, your hand instantly moving to stabilize it. On the first touch, you feel a warm, sticky liquid coating your palm. That’s when you notice the blood. The makeshift bandages covering Van’s face are covered in the crimson liquid. One of her eyes is completely bloodshot. Van just groans, you’re not sure she even realizes it’s you. 

Your heart is beating out of its chest, but you feel adrenaline coursing through your veins. You need to get Van back, now. 

“Okay. Okay, we’re here. I’ve got you. I’ll get you back” you say to Van, though you think part of it is to reassure yourself as well. 

As you move to wrap your arms around your friend, you feel a hand on your shoulder. Shauna is kneeled down beside you. 

“Let me help” she insists. You allow her, knowing how far of a walk you have back. You realistically know you can’t carry Van yourself that far. 

Shauna holds the weight of Van’s legs and lower torso, while you focus on her upper area and keeping her head from bobbling around. You’re offered help from the others, but you refuse. You won’t allow anyone else to be responsible for your best friend in such a vulnerable state. 

The walk back to the cabin feels like every minute lost is a fatal mistake. The group had sent Misty and Akilah ahead again with a few others, instructing them to get the medical supplies ready for as soon as you get through the door. Tai is walking assisted with Travis and Javi. She hasn’t spoken a word. 

When you and Shauna finally get Van set on the cabin’s table, Misty makes quick work on unwrapping her head bandages. What you see is worse than you could have imagined. The entire left side of Van’s face is…gone. Well, not gone. But hanging off. Her flesh and teeth are exposed. You don’t know how she is conscious, much less alive. 

You take a step back as Akilah readies herself for the brutal task assigned to her. With no more than a simple sewing needle and thread, she works to stitch back together your friend’s face. Van’s screams echo through the cabin. Tai stays at the top of her head, trying to calm her down with no avail. Natalie lays on her legs to keep her from moving. Others join in on holding her arms. Van is essentially pinned down while she faces such necessary agony. 

You sit down exactly where you are standing, unable to handle anymore of what is happening. You don’t understand why this had to happen to Van, of all people. 

You feel a hand on your shoulder and the presence of someone crouched next to you. You assume it is your girlfriend here to comfort you. You were wrong.

“She’s strong” Shauna’s voice grounds you. 

You don’t take your eyes off of Van. Her screams eventually fade out. When you start to panic, assuming the worst, it is Shauna’s voice that reassures you again. 

“She’s just lost consciousness. It’s probably for the best right now”

Akilah finally finishes her gruesome task. She cleans the best she can, and Misty places fresh cloth over the entire left half of Van’s face. You stand as your teammates clear away, no longer needing to hold Van down. 

“She’s breathing. Her pulse is weak, but steady” Misty does her best to assure everyone, though she looks at you when she speaks. 

You suddenly realise you can’t be here right now, the weight of everything crashing down on you as the rest of the adrenaline wears off. You rush out the cabin door, quickly followed by Shauna and Jackie. 

You stop several feet outside of the cabin, and bend over. You throw up what little contents was in your stomach. As you continue to heave, Shauna rubs your back. 

“It’s okay, let it out” 

Once you seem to finish, Jackie approaches. She makes eye contact with Shauna, though there is no ill intent. Not right now. Not after what just happened. There seems to be a moment of understanding between the pair of friends that you miss.

You’re staring down at your shirt and your hands, both of which are covered in the blood of your best friend. 

“Let’s get you cleaned up” Jackie says to you softly. 

Once the blood is scrubbed from your hands and a clean shirt replaces your stained one, you sit in the living area. You sit, and you stare at Van. You watch for her breathing. You cling to any sign of life from your best friend. 

Things are slowly heating up! Jackie's escalating behavior. Van's attack coming into play. Can't wait for more drama to play out. As always, thanks for reading, hope you enjoy!

Chapter 5

Unbalanced Series Masterlist

Finding the cabin was bittersweet. You were all hoping there would be someone actually living there that could help you, or at least a radio or something to use. But you suppose having real shelter was the next best thing. After airing it out and doing a little cleaning up, it wasn’t so bad. It was better than sleeping outside, that’s for sure. 

Except for the dead guy in the attic. There was that. Lottie had been saying some odd things about how bad things happened here or something. She was kind of freaking you out, so you just tried to ignore her. 

Luckily, the dead guy was apparently some type of lunatic you assume, because he had a stockpile of ammo alongside a rifle. Coach had people test out shooting to see who would do the best. You weren’t allowed to participate, seeing as how your head was still kind of messed up. Which was fair, you thought. Nat won by a landslide. Travis was the next best. Those two were deemed the hunters, since you all had to have some source of food out here. Though, you weren’t too sure about Travis having access to a gun, seeing as he already pointed it at Nat once. You weren’t a big fan of Travis. 

The team quickly started operating on somewhat of a daily schedule. For those who weren’t out hunting, chores were split up, with the less desirable ones on a rotation. You were given light duty for a while, everyone wanting your head to have a chance to heal. You were glad that you were well liked by your teammates. 

When Natalie and Travis finally got their first deer, everyone was ecstatic. Coach showed Shauna how to cut the carcass. It was gross, but you were thankful there were people here who knew what they were doing. Or at least trying to learn. 

But Jackie…Jackie was not trying to learn. You could see your teammates getting annoyed by Jackie’s lack of effort around camp. You remember what Shauna had told you during the walk, about how not helping was a wrong way to handle things. You would catch Shauna trying to help Jackie out sometimes with little things. You’re guessing she felt bad for her friend, despite everyone being in the same crappy situation. 

You were helping Mari cook when you noticed Jackie sitting on the porch. 

“Hey Mar…you good for a minute?”

“Yeah this just has to cook anyways” she said, noticing where you were looking. 

“Okay?” you asked, sitting down next to Jackie on the wooden porch. 

“This place is disgusting”

“It’s not so bad. At least we have somewhere to sleep inside”

Jackie just sighed and leaned her head on your shoulder. You wrapped your arm around her and rubbed her arm. 

“What are you supposed to be doing?” You asked her. You were naturally pretty soft-spoken, so it didn’t sound like an accusation. 

“Firewood”

“Want to trade? Mari just needs help finishing up dinner, it’s pretty much done.” 

“Are you sure?” She asks. The slightly hopeful look in her eye was enough for you to easily agree. 

“Yeah, definitely” you smile. 

“You’re the best” Jackie grabs your chin and gives you a kiss before hopping up to go help Mari. 

Smile still in place, you head out to the woods to gather some fire wood. You have three small sized logs in your arms and are on your way back when you bump into Tai. 

“What are you doing?” she questions immediately. 

“Uh...fire wood?” You respond, confused. 

“I see that. I mean why are you doing that? You’re supposed to be on light duty. Helping Mari”

“It’s fine Tai, I only grabbed a few”

“It’s not fine. A few days ago you could barely walk without looking like you were drunk.” 

She sighs at your silence.

“Come on. And give me these” she says, taking the logs out of your hands. 

You walk together back to the cabin. Van is standing outside and spots you both, because of course she does, you think. 

“Uhh?” She questions, seeing the annoyed look on Tai’s face, and you walking next to her. 

“Genius here was out picking up logs by herself” 

“Oh my god, it was just a few small pieces of firewood” you complain. 

“Who was supposed to be doing that?” Van questions. 

You bite your lip a little and look away. “Are you kidding me?” Van replies, already knowing the answer. 

“I offered to trade, it’s not a big deal” you try to brush it off. 

“It is a big deal! You’re doing Jackie’s chores for her when she couldn’t even bother to help you when you were damn near dying!”

“Van-” Tai tries to cut in. 

“No! What the hell’s the matter with you?!” Van asks you. Van doesn’t usually get angry with you or yell at you, so you’re a little taken aback. 

“Jackie’s my girlfriend” you say quietly. 

“Yeah and she treats you like shit!” 

“Van, come on” Tai tries again. She agrees with Van, but she doesn’t think this is the right way to go about it. 

“Tai, don’t” Van stands her ground. She turns back to you. “I mean seriously. You’ve been dating for what, almost a year now? She controls everything about you. You barely hang out with me anymore, or anyone for that matter. You barely even have a fucking personality anymore. And she doesn’t give a fuck about you Y/N!”

“Just shut up!” You say back in a louder voice than before. “You haven’t made it any easier for me being at Jackie’s throat all the time, even before the crash.” 

“Oh so it’s my fault your girlfriend’s a bitch?”

“Fuck you, Van” you say before walking off. 

Tai elbows van in the side. “What exactly did that accomplish?”

“She’ll get over it,” Van mutters. 

-----

Sleeping in a room full of people wasn’t your favorite thing. You sometimes got pretty bad nightmares, and were worried about it happening out here. Your sleeping spot on the floor next to Jackie wasn’t terrible, you thought. You had blankets, and airline pillows that didn’t burn. Some of the girls had been making trips back to the plane to search for things that could be used. It was currently raining out, thunder rumbling through the sky. You never did like storms.

“Jackie” you whispered, trying to see if your girlfriend was still awake. 

With no response, you sighed through your nose before staring up at the ceiling again. A loud crack of thunder made you jump. You felt Jackie’s arm sling around your waist and she moved closer. 

“Sleep” she whispered to you softly. She felt you flexing your hand, opening and closing it in a fist repeatedly. She placed her hand over yours, and brought it down to your stomach again. “It’s okay” she whispered again in your ear, “I’m here” placing a soft kiss against your cheek. 

This was the side of Jackie you wish more people got to see. The side that you wish people witnessed before they jumped to conclusions or made accusations. They don’t understand Jackie. Not like you do. 

You woke up the next morning still wrapped up in Jackie’s embrace. You hated to move her, but you’re pretty sure your bladder was close to exploding. 

You slowly moved her off you and made your way to the cabin door, careful to not wake anyone else up in the process. It looked like pretty much everyone else was still asleep too. When you were finished and were walking back in from the woods, you saw Shauna leaning against a pole on the porch. 

“You’re up early” you say to her as you approach. 

“I like getting up before everyone, it’s nice to have some time to yourself out here”. 

You take the hint, and turn to walk somewhere else, not wanting to go back inside yet. 

“Where are you going?” She asks. 

“Oh, I don’t know” 

“Want to sit?” 

“I thought you wanted to be alone?”

She gives you a soft smile, “I just meant it’s nice to not have the entire team around. Come on.” 

You both sit on the steps, avoiding the wet areas from the previous night’s rain. 

“How’s your head feeling?” 

“It’s okay. I still get headaches. But it’s a lot better than it was. But everyone keeps treating me like I can’t do anything. I feel like I’m not helping out.” 

“Your job is to get better. You don’t want to rush it before you’re ready and make it worse again.  And you are helping. Every job is important” she says. 

“I guess” you say a little somber. 

“What about your side?”

Shauna’s question makes you panic a little.

“What?”

“Your side…do your ribs still hurt a lot?” she questions. 

Right…your ribs…the armrest. 

“Oh. Yeah. No they’re okay. They’re still bruised, but I definitely don’t think they were broken or anything. They’re just a little sore if I move wrong now”. 

If Shauna caught your hesitation and rushed response, she doesn’t bring it up. 

“How are you doing? Like with everything?” You ask her. 

She chuckles a little. “Probably as about as expected”. She pauses for a minute before she continues, “Y/N, look, I have to tell you something-” 

Shauna’s sentence is interrupted by the cabin door opening. Misty made her way out, followed by her annoying friend. Crystal, Kristen…something like that. They were singing some song you didn’t recognize and practically skipped past you. 

Shauna glared at them and muttered out, “What kind of psycho would be singing fucking showtunes at the crack of dawn in the middle of a forest where their plane crash landed besides Misty fucking Quigley.”  

You laughed at Shauna’s grumpy comment. Probably the first real laugh you’ve had since the plane crash. She was so serious, but she smiled as well seeing you laugh. 

-----

“This is ridiculous, it’s been days. Just apologize already” Taissa urges. 

“I didn’t say anything wrong” Van defends. 

“It wasn’t what you said Van, it was how you said it. Don’t tell me you don’t see that”

Van doesn’t reply, which just gets on Tai’s nerves. 

“Okay, no. We’re not doing this. Come here” she grabs Van’s wrist and drags her over to where you’re sitting outside by the fire pit. 

“Fuck Tai, let go” Van tries, but Tai just ignores her. 

“You two. Fix this. Now” 

You look up at them both, surprised. 

“I’m tired of you two walking around avoiding each other. Talk, fight, argue. I don’t care. Just figure it out because I cannot deal with the petty moping anymore”. 

You’re not about to argue with Taissa, so you just look away. Apparently Van thinks the same, because she sits down on a log next to you. You both sit in silence for a minute, before you decide to break the ice. 

“I get why you’re mad” you start. Van looks up at you. 

“Jackie told me. About how she left you on the plane. How she pulled Shauna away” 

“You think that’s why I’m mad?” Van questioned. 

“Well…yeah? Is it not?” You asked confused. 

“I mean yeah, I’m pissed she left me on a plane to burn. But dude, I’ve been mad long before that.” She takes a minute to study your face, making sure she keeps her cool this time. She knows you don’t respond well to anger. “I meant everything I said. I just shouldn’t have said it the way that I did”. 

“Van…”

“I don’t want to fight with you. Especially out here. You’re my best friend. I’m sorry I yelled at you”. 

You nod your head, “I don’t want to fight either”. 

You both sit in a comfortable silence before Tai returns. 

“So?” 

“We’re good?” Van says questioningly. 

“We’re good” you agree with a half smile. 

“Morons” Tai says and rolls her eyes, though you can see a small smirk forming on her mouth as well.  

Later that night, you’re playing a card game with Van near the fireplace inside. Jackie and Shauna are having a conversation out of earshot. 

“I guess they made up” Shauna passively mentioned. 

“Who?” Jackie questioned. 

“Y/N and Van” Shauna nodded her head in your direction. 

Jackie was visibly confused. “Why would they need to make up?” 

“Did you not notice they were fighting or whatever? They haven’t been talking to each other for days now.” 

Jackie just shrugged, seemingly unbothered. 

Shauna was shocked that Jackie had such little awareness of the status of your friendships. Jackie seems to notice when you even look in someone else’s direction any other time. Then again, if you were fighting with Van, you were probably paying more attention to Jackie, if that were even possible, so she likely didn’t even care. Something about that gnawed at Shauna. 

-----

You thought a seance was a stupid idea. You never even liked when people would bring out Ouija boards during sleepovers, it was obvious everyone would just fake the answers to freak each other out. But, this was Jackie’s idea. So of course, you went along with it. Jackie has been having a hard time out here, your hope is that your girlfriend feeling needed and useful to the team will be a good thing. And it would be a bonus if it would make Lottie shut up about the cabin being evil, or whatever other nonsense she’s been on. 

Laura Lee refused to join you all in the attic, saying how she wasn’t going to participate in the demonic activity. Coach obviously couldn’t join either. Javi eventually made his way up, you’re guessing against Travis’ orders. You thought Travis was usually kind of a dick to Javi. 

Shauna stood blindfolded, acting as the human medium. She was holding a knife tied to a string, the makeshift pendulum. The group took turns asking questions to the cabin guy’s spirit, most being light hearted or silly. Shauna played into it, giving goofy responses that made the girls laugh. You liked seeing Shauna be like this. It made you smile. 

That was, until Javi asked his question…if you were all going to die out here. The pendulum in Shauna’s hand made an infinity sign, as Mari pointed out. 

Lottie’s scream filled the attic as the singular window blew open, extinguishing all of the candles. Lottie was groaning and mumbling words that didn’t make any sense. Shauna was crouched next to her, trying to calm her down. Tai thought she was messing with everyone, and warned her to stop. 

Then, Lottie started rambling in…French? That’s what Natalie said at least. Shauna turned to Jackie, asking if Lottie was in Jackie’s French class. Jackie said she was, but that she sucked at it. 

“Well, what is she saying?” Mari asked in a panic. 

“I don’t know, I suck at French too!” Jackie responded. 

“Well damn it Jackie, try not to!” Van yelled out. 

Jackie tried to decipher some of the words out of Lottie’s French rambling. 

“It…wants…blood? More blood stuff? I don’t know. Here?” Jackie stammered out. 

Van tried to question Lottie on what she meant, Tai disapproving on the encouragement of Lottie’s behavior. 

Lottie started to speak in English again. 

“You must spill blood…or else…” 

“Or else what Lottie?!” Jackie chimes in.

Suddenly, Lottie smashes her head against the window. Her forehead starts dripping blood from the broken glass. She then starts screaming animalistically. 

Yourself, Shauna, and Van surround Lottie, trying to calm her down. 

“Begone Satan, the power of Christ compels you! Lottie! Lottie, stop!” Laura Lee yells, before opting to throw her Bible directly at Lottie. You didn’t even notice her come up to the attic. 

There is a pause, before Lottie speaks again in her normal voice, “Ow, what the hell Laura Lee?” 

What the hell indeed. Everyone looks around at each other trying to figure out what just happened.

You go to get a rag for Lottie’s head downstairs. As you make your way down the ladder and into the living area, you see Coach Ben, slumped over in a chair, surrounded by what you assume is vomit. You rush over to his side and shake his shoulder 

“Coach…hey”

He opens his eyes halfway and mumbles, “Misty”. 

“No it’s Y/N. I can go get Misty though if you want-”

“NO” he cuts you off, grabbing your forearm. “No, don’t. Please. Just…” he closes his eyes and breathes in deeply. 

You’re not sure what is going on. You help him up and to his bed. You bring him a cup of water before returning to your original task of getting a rag. 

One back in the attic, Jackie questions you. 

“What took you so long?” 

“Coach was sick…he needed help” this got the attention of some of the other girls. 

“Sick?” Nat asked. 

“Yeah, he like threw up everywhere. I don’t know.” 

You missed the way Misty seemed to duck her head and avoid the conversation. You should have picked up on it, she seemed to be at the center of every conversation involving your Coach. 

“I am not cleaning that up” Jackie says, disgusted. 

“What else is new” you hear Mari mutter. You don’t think Jackie picked it up at least, thankfully. 

Several days pass since the seance, and the vibe is…off around camp. People still don’t understand what happened with Lottie. And there’s the thing with Coach Ben. You see Misty attending to him one morning, and he is visibly irritated. A lot of you find Misty annoying, you're sure Ben does as well, but he usually is pretty nice to the girl. You can’t help but to think back to when he mumbled out Misty’s name the night of the seance. You had assumed he was wanting you to get her, since she had become the impromptu medic out in the wilderness. But maybe you had misread the interaction. 

“You talk to Coach sometimes, right?” You ask Natalie where no one can hear you. 

“Yeah, I mean I guess. Why?” She questions. 

You recount to her your interaction with him from several nights ago. 

“What, you think Misty did something?” 

“I don’t know” you say honestly. “But it’s weird, right? And I mean. She has been all over him since we crashed. And remember what she asked during the seance? About the person she likes liking her back?” 

“She was talking about Coach?” 

You shrug. “Maybe we should try to keep an eye out. Just to see if we notice anything.” 

Natalie agrees, and you end the conversation before anyone can overhear. Natalie isn’t one to gossip, so you’re not worried speaking to her about this. 

You make your way over to the table where Shauna was cutting up whatever animal Nat and Travis had brought back that morning. 

“Can I help?” You ask her, careful not to startle her with the knife in her hand. 

She pauses and gives you a small smile. “You don’t have to, it’s kind of gross”

“Please? I’m going crazy not doing anything. Will you show me how? I’ll be careful” 

Shauna agrees, and waves you over to where she’s standing. She shows you where to put the knife and how to hold it, how much pressure to use, everything. It impresses you how much Shauna has learned in such a short time.

“Wow, you’re really good at this” 

She made a face, like it was no big deal. Or that it was something she shouldn’t be proud of. 

“No, really. Hunting the stuff is one thing. But making sure we can actually eat it is another. You’re doing a lot for us, Shauna” you tell her sincerely. 

She gives you a soft, genuine smile. You assume that no one else had told her that thus far. You’ve noticed that Shauna has a habit of doing things and never seeking credit for them. But she still deserves the praise for it, you think. 

When you find Jackie that evening, you’re met with a very pissed off girlfriend. 

“Jax, what’s wrong?” You ask her. 

“My problem is that Shauna has been acting like she has a stick up her ass. She’s clearly hiding something from me. And then there you are out there all day flirting with any bitch that will give you the time of day.” 

You don’t know where the sudden animosity towards you or Shauna is coming from. Shauna didn’t mention anything when you were talking to her earlier. And you hadn’t picked up on anything between them the last few days. You also couldn’t think of anything you’ve done either to warrant this reaction, besides just talking to your teammates like normal. You’d spoken to Natalie about Coach and Misty, which you’re pretty sure Jackie didn’t see. You talked to Van and Tai, like normal. The rest were just casual interactions. You certainly weren’t flirting with anyone. 

“What are you talking about? I wasn’t flirting with anyone” 

“Please. I saw you talking to Mari by the lake. She was practically eye fucking you the entire time” 

“Mari? Jackie, Mari is like, the straightest girl ever” you insist. 

Jackie glares daggers at you. “Do you think I’m fucking stupid?” 

You really do not feel like arguing right now. 

“No, Jax. Of course not. I wasn’t flirting, I promise. Tell me about Shauna, what’s up with that?” You try to redirect the conversation. 

Jackie huffs, clearly still angered. 

“I don’t know. She’s been having an attitude and being a bitch. And she’s hiding something from me. I can tell. I just don’t know what it is.” 

You don’t like that Jackie was calling Shauna a bitch, even if she was mad. You didn’t think Shauna was acting any differently, at least not any time you’ve spoken with her. 

“Maybe it’s just being out here. It’s probably just getting to everyone” you try. 

“Of course you defend everyone else besides me” Jackie spits. 

You huff a little and roll your eyes, “Jackie that’s not what I’m doing-”

Jackie gets in your face. You’re bigger than Jackie, but when she’s angry, you feel like you’re two inches tall. You’re backed up into a tree, the rough bark making itself known. Her angry hazel eyes bore into you, a firm hand on your chest keeping you in place, just inches below your throat. 

“Don’t fucking roll your eyes at me” she seethes. “Do you think I’m an idiot?” 

“No,” you answer quietly. 

“No? Because you’re sure acting like I am. You think I’m stupid, baby? Go ahead. Tell me. Tell me I’m fucking stupid. Tell me!” Jackie yells at you. 

You’re looking away from her at this point, tears are rolling down your cheeks. 

“You’re fucking pathetic” she mutters before walking away. 

You sit down and try to calm yourself down. You don’t know what you did for your girlfriend to react that way. Maybe you had been acting too friendly with people. You spend the rest of the night racking your brain wondering what you did wrong. You don’t join the others for dinner that night. When you realize how late it’s gotten, you slip into the cabin and make your way to your sleeping spot next to Jackie. Not everyone is in bed yet, but you try to avoid them nonetheless. You’re sure you probably look a mess. 

Unfortunately for you, Shauna slept on the opposite side of Jackie. Shauna had noticed that you didn’t come to dinner. She noticed the way you slipped in, seemingly trying to go to bed undetected. She noticed the way Jackie completely ignored you. She thought about what she was going to tell you the morning before Misty’s stupid showtunes interrupted her. She wonders if you had mentioned any of your conversations to Jackie. 

She wonders if Jackie had noticed. 

Slowly working our way into the jucier stuff! I've got some later chapters/parts of chapters written already that have much heavier/eventful things happening that I'm excited for, but we've got to get to that point first! lol. Thanks for reading!

Chapter 4

Unbalanced Series Masterlist

The days following the crash felt fragmented. Your ribs hurt, but you don’t know if they were actually broken or not. You had bruised ribs before, once from a particularly rough soccer match, and more times than you’d like to remember from a certain angry man in your house. You think the current pain feels similar to those times, though your mind isn’t firing quite right. Which is the biggest concern. You must have hit your head quite hard when the plane was going down. 

“She probably has a concussion” you hear Misty say. Your eyes are closed and you’re only half awake, but you’re aware enough to hear the conversation around you. 

“Aren’t we not supposed to let her sleep?” Jackie asks. You feel her hand gently rubbing your arm. 

“Well she already slept through the night, so… plus sleeping is probably the best thing for her right now.” 

“How can you even know that” you hear Shauna’s voice question sarcastically. 

“I’ve taken several Red Cross classes and I take my role as a soccer team manager very seriously, Shauna. Sports injuries occur all the time” Misty says. 

“She didn’t get a sports injury, our plane crashed in the middle of the fucking woods!” Shauna fired back. Shauna never really did have the most patience for Misty Quigley. 

There’s a beat of silence before you hear Misty speak again. 

“The cut on her head doesn’t look too deep. But keep an eye out on it, we don’t want it getting infected. Make sure she rests, it’s the inside of her head that needs to heal the most” Misty sounded off. As irritating as the blonde girl was, you had to admit that she was coming in handy. Well, she sounded like she was at least. 

It must have been quite some time before you actually opened your eyes that day. 

“Didn’t Misty say to let her sleep?” 

“I don’t care! She hasn’t opened her eyes all day, what if she’s like, in a coma or something?” 

A pair of hands made their way to you. One was gently shaking your shoulder, one was rubbing the side of your face. 

“Y/N…hey…wake up…wake up…come on, wake up!” 

“Easy Jack” the sound of Shauna’s voice mixed with Jackie’s. 

You slowly peeled your eyes half open, trying to focus on the worried hazel ones staring back at you. It was still light outside, you’re guessing it’s sometime in the afternoon. 

Jackie let out a sigh of relief. Like she was happy just to see you in fact were still alive. She just stared at you for a minute, a look in her eyes you couldn’t quite place.

“Hey…”

“Hi” you quietly whisper out. Your head was already pounding. 

“I’m supposed to let you sleep. But I thought..” Jackie doesn’t finish her sentence. She doesn’t have to. “You should drink something,” she says instead. 

Jackie doesn’t wait for your answer. She grabs a nearby bottle of water that was set aside for you. She hesitates, not really knowing what to do next. She can’t just hand it to you. Jackie looks around for someone to help her, unable to spot Shauna - she must have gotten pulled away by someone else when she wasn’t looking. 

“Go help her” 

“She left me to burn Tai. Fuck Jackie” 

“You’re not doing it for her. You’re doing it for Y/N. Jackie clearly has no idea what she’s doing. And your best friend needs help. So go help” Taissa pushes Van, the pair clearly watching Jackie struggle to do the simplest of things. 

Van makes her way over to where you’re laying on the ground, a sweatshirt bunched up under your head as a makeshift pillow. 

“Hey buddy” she smiles at you, crouching down so your eyes can meet. 

“Hey” you give her a small grin. 

“Thirsty?” She asks 

You give her a small nod, trying to not move your head much.

“Alright, let’s sit you up”. Van looks at Jackie, trying to mask her irritation towards your girlfriend. 

“I’ll sit behind her. Can you help her with the water?” 

Jackie is snapped out of her thoughts when Van speaks to her. “Yeah, yeah I can do that”. 

Van goes behind you and crouches down again. “Ready? Just go slow” she tells you. 

When you push yourself up, you misjudge how much strain you’re putting on your ribs. Pain seers through your side, making you jolt forward more quickly than you were planning. The sudden movement makes your head spin. You feel like the world is going sideways, when Van slips her arms underneath yours, pulling you so your back is leaning against her, keeping you upright. She moves one arm out to pull your head slightly back so it is resting against her, the other still wrapped around waist. 

You groan at the sensations running through your body. 

“You’re okay, just breathe” Van says to you. 

It takes a few minutes before you’re able to relax more of your body weight into Van. She hasn’t moved, keeping you in the same position, allowing your body to adjust. 

“How’s it now?” She asks you.

“Not as bad” you say quietly. 

Van looks at Jackie and nods, signaling that it’s her turn. 

Jackie scoots up to you, water in hand. She brings the plastic bottle up to your mouth, not quite sure how to go about this. You bring a shaky hand up to help. She tips the bottle too far and ends up spilling water down your shirt. 

“Jackie” Van chides.

“I thought she had it!” Jackie defends.

“Sorry” you say weakly.

“Don’t apologize” Van tells you, clearly annoyed with Jackie. 

Shauna returned just as Jackie was getting ready to say something else to Van. 

“Uh, is everything okay?” She asked wearily, taking in the scene before her. 

“No, it’s not. Can you help me before Jackie dumps more of the little water we have all over her?” 

“You know what Van-”

“Hey…not now” Shauna interrupts Jackie gently, nodding over at you. Your eyes are squeezed shut again, presumably from being dizzy. Jackie rolls her eyes and hands Shauna the water. She gives you one more almost apologetic look before she walks away, not that you saw it. 

Shauna kneels in front of you, making eye contact with Van, a silent conversation passing between the two. 

“Want to try again?” Shauna asks you softly. 

You force your eyes open again and look at Shauna. You nod your head so softly, she almost misses it. 

“Okay.” Shauna brings one hand under your chin, gently tipping your head back where it’s resting against Van. She moves slowly, careful to avoid harsh or sudden movements to your head. She brings the water up to your lips, your hand again reaches up to grab the bottle. She notices the weak grip you have on the plastic. She keeps a hand on the water, and helps you gently tip a small sip into your mouth before lowering it, giving you a chance to swallow. You repeat this several times, Shauna stays patient the entire time, never rushing you. Once your hand drops from the bottle, Shauna takes it as a sign that you’re done. 

“Is that enough?” She asks. 

“Yeah” you respond in your quiet tone. 

“Do you want to stay up for a little bit? It might help” Van chimes in. 

You look at Shauna, almost waiting to be told what to do. But Shauna doesn’t tell you what to do. She just waits until you decide for yourself. 

“Yeah, okay” you decide. 

“Want to go over by the fire? Tai and Nat dragged some logs over we can lean against” Van offers. 

You agree, and Van and Shauna work to carefully stand you up. You’ve been laying down since Shauna carried you off the plane yesterday. Standing brings a new wave of nausea and dizziness that surges through your head. You stumble a bit, but Van still has her arms wrapped around your waist to make sure you don’t fall. The pair slowly help you walk over towards where the fire was burning. You’re not sure who managed to start that. 

“Wait” you suddenly say after a few steps. 

“What”, “What’s wrong” they say at the same time. 

“Nothing I just. Um. I have to pee” you say, embarrassed. 

“Do you want Jackie?” Shauna asked, sensing your embarrassment. 

You let out a little chuckle, “Yeah I don’t think Jackie is going to jump at the chance to drag me into the woods for that.” After a small pause, you say, “I’ll be okay”. 

“What? No, you’re not going out there by yourself? You can barely walk straight” Van says dumbfounded. 

“Van…” 

“Nope. Come on, I’ll help you. You can do your business on your own, but I’m walking you there and back” she insists. 

You begrudgingly agree, knowing you’re not going to win that argument. Once Shauna knows you’re okay walking with just Van, she heads over to the fire, where Jackie is currently sitting…and staring. 

“Where the hell are they going?” is the first thing out of her mouth. 

“Y/N has to go to the bathroom” 

“Why didn’t she ask me, I’m her girlfriend” Jackie says, clearly annoyed. 

“Van was already there, don’t worry about it. She’s her best friend. It would be like me helping you” Shauna tries to diffuse the obvious tension. 

“It’s not the same” is all Jackie says, a little dejected. 

The rest of the day passes uneventfully. At least for you. You spend some time sitting upright, alternating between leaning against someone and being on your own. Eventually you get too tired, and Jackie encourages you to lay down again. You opt to lay by the fire instead of walking back over to your previous spot. Jackie folds up her varsity jacket and places it under your head as a pillow. You don’t wake up again for the rest of the night. 

The next few days progress the same way, spending more time upright, trying to walk around more, basically just trying to function properly again. Apparently while you were unconscious, Misty chopped off Coach Scott’s leg with an axe, and then later cauterized it or something. You were glad you weren’t awake for that. And you were glad Jackie told her to stay away from you when she was touching your head. You weren’t feeling up for a surprise Misty Quigley surgery. 

You were slowly filled in on other things that have happened since the crash. You learned who died. Who has been making plans, and what those plans are. One of those plans being Taissa’s. Something about going to a lake she found. It made sense to you. It’s been a few days, you all needed water. Some people didn’t agree, thinking everyone should stay near the plane so rescue can find you when they come. One of those people being your girlfriend.

You were sitting on a log next to Jackie when Tai called a vote on whether to go to the lake or stay here by plane. 

“Everyone who wants to go to the lake, raise your hands”

As you moved to raise yours, you felt the tight grip of Jackie’s hand wrap around your wrist, yanking it back down to your side. 

“Don’t” she warned under her breath. You looked at her a little confused, but kept your hand at your side, not daring to go against her. 

Tai declared the majority voted to go to the lake, and that everyone should prepare to go first thing in the morning. 

Jackie huffed, clearly disappointed by the outcome. She got up to go talk to Shauna, who voted to go to the lake. You try not to worry about it. Instead, you help gather yours and Jackie’s things. Luckily, both of your bags survived the crash. 

You’re sitting on the ground, shoving things back into your bag, when Natalie approaches you. 

“How’s the head?” 

“It’s been better” you say casually. 

Nat gives you a toothy smile, clearly your dry humor was still there. 

“Are you gonna be able to walk all the way there? Sounds like it might be a bit of a hike”. 

You shrug “I’ll have to manage. Tai’s right, we need the water”. 

Nat scrunches her eyebrows together, “But you didn’t vote to go?” 

You stop your movements at Natalie’s words. You think about Jackie telling you not to vote yes - you didn’t want to tell Nat that though. 

“Hey, it’s none of my business” she says with her hands up. “But don’t be afraid to speak up if you need help on the walk. Some of the girls are making a stretcher to carry Coach. We can manage a bag or something if you need us to”. 

“Okay. Thanks Nat” you give her a smile before she walks away. 

Jackie came over with a scowl on her face. 

“Why were you talking to that burnout?” 

Here we go again, you think. 

“What? Nat’s my friend. Our friend. She was just saying the girls would help if I need them to tomorrow”.

“You’re my girlfriend. I don't need the whole team playing damsel in distress with you”

“Jackie it’s not like that”

“Just shut up” Jackie spit out. 

You decided to drop it. It wasn’t worth starting an argument over. There’s no reasoning with Jackie when she gets like this. 

-----

The walk to the lake was longer than expected. You quickly lost track of the time, focusing solely on the state of your head. Seeing you struggle to drag your suitcase, Natalie kept her word and took it from you, adding it to the rotation of things your teammates were taking turns carrying. Your hands gripped the straps of your backpack, trying to ground yourself. The pain in your ribs oddly providing a welcomed distraction. 

Jackie was walking next to you, complaining the entire time.

“You’re not even listening to me” she pouted. 

“Hmm?” You looked over at her, stumbling a little in the process. 

“Are you okay?” She questioned. 

“Yeah, just a little dizzy” you downplayed. 

You walked in silence for a while. You kept bumping into Jackie, apparently unable to walk in a straight line anymore. 

“What the hell, can you watch where you’re going?” Jackie snipped out when you caused her to drop her suitcase. 

“Sorry Jax” you mumbled. 

More time passed, and you were feeling bad. Really bad. You felt yourself sweating. Your vision was getting blurry. Your legs were feeling like they weighed a ton. You desperately wanted to stop, but you forced yourself to keep walking. Jackie was quite a bit in front of you now, leaving you alone at the end of the pack. 

“Jesus are you okay” you heard someone’s voice call out, you think Mari. 

“Is who okay?”

“Y/N” 

Quick footsteps make their way over to you, finding you heavily stumbling, eyes on the ground. 

“Hey. Hey, look at me”

Shauna speaks to you with a worried look on her face. She grabs your shoulders to try to steady you. She takes in the state you’re in, the sweat coating your forehead, your eyes unable to focus on her, the slight shake to your body, and your labored breathing. 

You make a noise as your knees buckle, Shauna being the only thing keeping you from falling. Van shoves her way over, everyone having stopped walking now. She makes eye contact with Shauna, who just shakes her head. You suddenly shove your way out of Shana’s grip, making yourself fall to the ground. 

“Y/N stop-” Shauna starts, before seeing you empty the contents of your stomach. Her and Van both kneel down beside you, wrapping their arms around you to make sure you don’t fall down into your own vomit. 

“Is she okay?” Jackie’s voice breaks through. 

Van is livid at the question. 

“Does she look fucking okay?! What the hell have you been doing Jackie, where were you?!” She yells. 

Jackie doesn’t get a chance to answer before you’re vomiting again. Tai tells everyone to take a break. She brings a bottle of water over to Van. 

“Here” she says. “Make sure she drinks some”. 

Van looks at her gratefully and nods her head. You’ve stopped throwing up, and now have completely collapsed against Shauna. Your body is still shaking and your breath ragged. She instinctively wraps her arms around you. 

“Close your eyes, just rest okay?” Is the last thing you hear before the world goes dark. 

When you next open your eyes, you’re confused. You’re sitting on the ground, and feel someone pressed against you. You’re leaning against Shauna. Van is next to you, staring at you with concern. 

“What happened?” You croak out. 

“We were gonna ask you the same thing,” Van replied. 

You try to think back. “I was dizzy. I guess it got worse”. 

“You guess?” Shauna chimes in. 

Your face flushes, realizing you’re practically sitting on the lap of your girlfriend’s best friend. Speaking of your girlfriend…

“Where’s Jackie?” 

“Another good question” Van’s sarcasm can be sensed a mile away. 

“What?” You ask, confused. You’ve sensed the heightened tension between Van and Jackie recently, but you weren’t sure why. They certainly were never each other's number one fan or anything, but something changed recently, for the worse.  

“Nothing. Ready to try to stand up?” 

“Yeah, sure” you say, still wondering about Van’s comment. 

Once you’re standing, Van makes sure you’re not going to topple over again. You’re still a little dizzy, but not nearly as bad as before. Still, you’re not allowed to walk alone for the rest of the way. You assumed Jackie would be back with you as the team resumed the hike, but she stayed ahead, up near Lottie and Laura Lee. Van went up to talk to Tai, leaving you walking with Shauna. 

“What did Van mean? About Jackie?” You asked her after a little while. 

Shauna thinks carefully about her response. 

“You’re hurt. Jackie should be paying more attention to you” is what she landed on. 

“She has been” you defend weakly. 

“Has she?” Shauna replies, her tone matching your own. “Look, Jackie’s my best friend. And this is a shit situation we’re all in. But people see how she’s handling things, and they don’t like it.” 

“How is she supposed to handle it?” 

“I don’t know. I don’t think there’s really a right answer. But there are wrong ones. Not helping out around camp is a wrong one. Not helping you is another” Shauna says. 

The rest of your walk is relatively quiet. Shauna and Van rotate between who stays with you. They periodically ask how you’re feeling, if you need a break, if you’re dizzy, etc.

Eventually you reach the lake. Most of the girls run into water in excitement, using their underwear as swimsuits. 

You opt to sit in the sand, just happy to be done walking. Jackie stands in the water for a little bit, before making her way over to you. She sits in the sand next to you, and studies your face. 

“Are we okay?” She asks. 

You draw in the sand absentmindedly with your finger. 

“Why did you leave me?” You ask quietly. 

Jackie sighs, “I don’t know. Because I don’t know how to do any of this shit. I don’t know what I’m doing out here” she admits. 

“None of us do Jax” you reply. 

“I know I just-” she cuts herself off. “I don’t know”. 

You nod your head a little, not replying or making eye contact. 

“Hey…I’m sorry, okay?” 

You look up and search Jackie’s eyes. It’s not often she apologizes. She seems sincere enough, so you decide to believe her.

“What’s up with you and Van?” You ask. 

“What did she say?”

“Nothing. But I’m not blind, something happened”. 

Jackie picks at her shorts. She decides to just tell you, hoping it will get you on her side. 

“On the plane, when Shauna went back in. She couldn’t get Van out. She was stuck. The fire was getting bigger. And I just…I pulled Shauna out.” 

“What?”

“Van wasn’t getting out! I don’t know how she did, honestly. I was just trying to save Shauna. But Van thinks I purposely wanted to leave her there. But that’s not true”. 

You stare at the ground at the newly learned information. Jackie left Van there. 

“You believe me, don’t you?” Jackie asked nervously. 

“She’s my best friend, Jackie” 

“And Shauna’s mine! I couldn’t just let her sit there and get herself killed. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to Van, Y/N. I was just trying to save Shauna”. 

You nod your head. You don’t like what happened. You don’t like this entire situation. You force yourself to believe Jackie. Because the alternative is something that makes your bones chill. You guess that explains Van’s increased anger towards your girlfriend as well, understandably so.

“Okay” you say. 

A few hours pass, everyone enjoying the lake. Jackie decided to go in the water herself, stripping her clothes. You stared at Jackie in her blue floral set. She was so beautiful, sometimes you still couldn’t believe she was really your girlfriend. 

You were so entranced by your girlfriend, you didn’t notice you were being watched by a certain brunette in the lake. You missed the way she rolled her eyes as you stared at Jackie. Of course you would just forgive her and act like nothing happened again. She hates the way Jackie treats you. And she hates the way you so quickly seem to forget about it. 

Jackie made her way back to you, laying down in the sand. 

“Wanna go in? You can sit in the shallow part if you want” Jackie offers. 

“I don’t want to get my clothes wet” you use an excuse. 

“Okay, well here, take your shirt off at least, you’re sweating still” Jackie moves to grab the hem of your t-shirt, lifting it about halfway up your torso before she suddenly stops. 

“What the hell Y/N. Again?” She asks you. 

It takes a minute for her words to catch up to your brain. It only clicks when she nods down to your bruised torso area. 

“Our plane crashed Jax, I’m going to be bruised” you try. 

“Don’t try to bullshit me. These are yellow. They’re healing. These aren’t from the plane”. She’s not referring to the side of your ribs where the armrest hit that are currently sporting a dark shade of purple still. You know this. 

Your silence tells her all she needs to know. 

She sighs softly before speaking again. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Playing with your fingers in your lap provides a distraction while you respond, “I was going to tell you the morning we left, but…”

The ‘but’ being that Jackie ditched you that morning. She decides to ignore that statement. 

“How and when?”

“Jackie..”

“Tell me”

Your voice is quiet as you recount the event to your girlfriend. 

“The night before we left. He was mad when I got home. He uh. He shoved me a few times. I think he might have kicked me once.”

Jackie brought you home late that night. She was mad about you pairing up with Shauna for group bonding. Jackie remembers all this. She feels guilty, but she won’t voice it. She knows she’s been a contributor to your pain before. 

You laid together for a while, just enjoying each other's company, the topic of your bruises being dropped. It’s not long before the voices of your teammates break you out of your bubble. 

“Guys. Look!” 

“It looks like a reflection!” 

“There’s something on the hill!” 

Chapter 3

Sitting on the dusty attic floor of the cabin, you press your head against the old wooden wall. You hear voices grow louder below you, the argument intensifying. An argument that is your fault. You clench your fists, your fingers digging into the palms of your hands. 

You think about home. About how often you would find yourself in a situation just like this. Sitting in a dark closet or laying under a bed. Hiding. His voice booming through the house, destroying everything in its path. Knowing you would be next if he found you. When he found you. 

You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to push the unwanted memory from your mind. You’re not at home. You’re here. Wherever here is. 

You know you should go downstairs. Be a voice of reason. But you never were good at using your voice. Instead, you stay. You hide, like you always have. Like a coward, you think. 

You try to think back to before the crash. Back to your life in Wiskayok. You think about soccer, about school…about Jackie. You think about the events that led up to this moment.

-----

You think about a party over the summer that Lottie had. The whole team was there, you were all friends even in the offseason. You think about how Jackie had kissed you that night. The feeling of her lips on yours, her breath ghosting over your face. What you expected to be a drunken regret turned into you becoming Jackie Taylor’s girlfriend. 

You had been friends with Jackie for years. You were never super close or anything, but friends nonetheless. You were surprised that she had any interest in you at all. When you look at Jackie Taylor, you see perfection. The classic all American girl. You’d expect her to be dating the quarterback, like in all those stupid movies you watch with Van. Instead, she chose you, of all people. 

Truthfully, you didn’t even know Jackie liked girls. On the team, you knew there was you, of course. You were kind of obvious, with your short haircut and preference for clothes from the men’s section. You knew about Van, and subsequently Tai. Van had let it slip one day and begged you not to tell. Not that you ever would, but Taissa kind of scared you anyways, so there were zero worries there. There were a few other suspects, like that blonde girl on JV that always wore that stupid hat. But Jackie Taylor was never on your radar. 

Jackie had a way of making you feel important. Of drawing people in. It was easy to get absorbed in her. She was magnetizing. There were moments you shared together that let you see a softer side of Jackie, the one that wasn’t trying to impress the world and be so perfect. You felt like you knew a part of Jackie that no one else did. Something you held close, like it was precious. But reaching into someone so deeply has a way of breaking the cracks. When the cracks grow too large, the facade crumbles. Your perfect image of your perfect girlfriend would soon be shattered once you realized one thing; Jackie Taylor had a mean streak. 

You first noticed it because of Shauna, actually. Jackie and Shauna being best friends meant you also spent a lot of time with Shauna by default. It was subtle at first, comments Jackie made. Talking about Shauna’s hair, her clothes, who she should date. Shauna seemed to always take it in stride. But you could swear you sometimes saw a look of hurt cross her face when Jackie made a comment that was dig too deep. Usually for just a second. But it was there. You didn’t like how Jackie treated Shauna sometimes. 

You think about another party Lottie had when the school year started. Your senior year. Jackie had wanted you and Shauna to get ready with her at her house. So of course, you obliged. You had arrived at Jackie’s around 7pm. You noticed Shauna’s car already in the driveway. Jackie’s mother answered the door.

“Oh hello dear. The girls are up in Jackie’s room” Mrs. Taylor gave you a curt nod. Jackie’s parents weren’t rude to you necessarily, but you don’t think they liked you very much. You’re pretty sure they thought you were “just a phase” for their daughter.

You made your way up to Jackie’s room. Jackie’s eyes lit up when they saw you enter the door. She scanned your outfit, seeing you already ready to go. 

“I thought we were getting ready together?” She pouted.  

“I didn’t want to carry a whole extra bag with me on the walk over. But you can fix my hair if you want, I think the wind messed it up” you offered Jackie, knowing that she always liked to have some control of what you looked like. 

Jackie smiled “Good! Because you know I hate those ratty shoes you wore”. She was referring to your beat up black Converse shoes. 

You didn’t notice Shauna rolling her eyes. Jackie always had to criticize something about you. 

Jackie left to go grab something from her bathroom, leaving you and Shauna alone. 

“Hi Shauna” you finally get a chance to properly acknowledge her. 

“Hey” Shauna gives you a warm smile.

Jackie returned with some hairspray, assumingly to fix your hair. Your hair was short and kind of shaggy. You like the tousled look, but Jackie said you couldn’t look homeless either. 

You waited around for what felt like forever for them to finish getting ready. Shauna pulled on a dark red jacket, which got Jackie’s attention. 

“Ew Shipman take that off, that jacket is disgusting”

“It’s fine Jack let’s just go” Shauna tried, clearly wanting to leave already. 

“Y/N, tell her that jacket is hideous” Jackie looked at you expectantly. 

You saw that same look of hurt flash across Shauna’s eyes for a split second, before she opted to look at the ground instead. 

“I like it” 

Your words made Shauna’s eyes snap up to you in surprise, then to Jackie. 

“Let’s just go,” Jackie muttered out. 

Shauna was out the door first, so she didn’t see the way Jackie spun on her heels. She missed the eye daggers that were thrown your way and the click of her jaw. She didn’t see the way Jackie grabbed a fist full of your denim jacket to yank you forward, or hear her low words. 

“Don’t you ever fucking do anything like that again”. Jackie gritted out between clenched teeth. She released your jacket with a slight shove and made her way down the stairs. Leaving you stunned. 

That was the first time of many that you felt Jackie Taylor’s mean streak. 

-----

You think back to the day of the plane ride. You remember how Jackie was mad. You remember calling her early that morning to see what time she (and her parents) would be by to pick you up, as planned. You didn’t want to keep anyone waiting. Instead, you were met with a harsh tone that meant Jackie was pissed. 

“I’m having my parents take me straight to the airport” 

“What? Jax, I thought you were picking me up?” 

“Well now I’m not Y/N, so figure it out” Jackie hissed out before abruptly ending the call. 

You didn’t know what you were going to do. It’s not like you could ask your dad to drive you. You shudder, looking around like he would pop out from you even allowing the thought to cross your mind. Instead, you pick up the phone again, and this time you dial the number of the one person you know you could always count on. 

“Hello?”

As soon as you hear her voice crackle through the landline, you swallow hard. You don't know why you feel so guilty. 

“…Shauna?”

“Y/N? Hey, what’s up?” 

“Um. Well. I was wondering. If it was okay. Do you think - could you maybe give me a ride today?” You nervously stammer out. 

Shauna hesitates for just a moment before she responds. “You aren’t going with Jackie?” 

“Change of plans…I guess. It’s okay if you can’t or don’t want to, I can just walk-”

“You’re not walking all the way there. Especially with luggage. Are you insane? I’m coming to get you.” Shauna cuts you off.

“Are you sure?” You question softly. 

“I’m positive” Shauna’s gentle but firm tone tells you she means it. 

“Thank you, Shauna”

“Don’t mention it. I'll be there in an hour, okay?”

“Okay, see you then” 

The phone call ends. You feel relieved knowing that Shauna is coming to pick you up. But you still have that pit in your stomach. You have one main worry - Jackie will be mad. To be fair, she did tell you to figure it out, and you did. But something tells you that won’t be enough to satisfy your girlfriend. 

You remember Shauna helping you load your luggage into her car. You only had a suitcase and your backpack, but Shauna still insisted. Shauna was always helpful like that. Jackie would probably be sitting in the car already telling you to hurry up.

The car ride to the airport was comfortable. Shauna had some mixtape playing quietly, you can’t remember what it was exactly. You liked Shauna’s music though. 

“So. Change of plans, huh?” Shauna asked, glancing at you from the driver’s seat. 

“Uh. Yeah. Yeah I guess. She didn’t say anything to you?” You question, trying to hide your nervousness. You didn’t look up in time to see Shauna sparing some more glances your way, spotting how you were playing with your fingers in your lap. Something you did when you were nervous or worried, she had noticed. 

“No. She was all pissy that I didn’t want to hook up with Randy at that stupid party yesterday. Then with everyone arguing, well you know how that went.” Shauna explained. You think it’s odd that a girl like Jackie wouldn’t tell her best friend about something like this. But you don’t think Shauna’s lying to you either. 

“She was acting kind of weird last night…” you let out. Shauna’s your friend too. You’re allowed to talk about this, right? 

“Weird how?” 

“Well. I don’t know. She was hanging out with those baseball guys a lot of the night. Especially Jeff Sadecki. I didn’t even think they knew each other like that. She just kind of blew me off. And then after she made us do that stupid group bonding thing, she just…I don’t know”. 

“You don’t know?” Shauna saw Jackie hanging out with Jeff. Though hanging out was putting it lightly. She was all over him. It was pathetic. And it made Shauna angry. She saw how you kept looking over at them. The hurt look on your face whenever you saw Jackie laughing or smiling at something Jeff said, all while ignoring you. Shauna leaves that part out though, you’re not blind. 

You hesitate before answering Shauna. You do know. Or at least you thought you did. But when you brought it up to Jackie last night, she had gotten angry. You don’t want to make Shauna angry too. 

“Hey…you can tell me. I don’t run back and tell Jackie everything we talk about, you know. You’re my friend too” Shauna reassures you softly. 

You don’t know why you give in so easily. 

“On the way home last night. She was being weird. And I…I asked her why she seemed mad that I partnered up with you during that group bonding thing. She...she told me that it was pathetic that I had to follow around her best friend all night.” 

You sounded like you wanted to say more. But Shauna didn’t push. “She said that to you? It was her idea to do group bonding. And you were not following me around all night”. 

You stare down at your hands. You don’t want to cause a fight between Shauna and Jackie. You shouldn’t have brought it up. 

“Thanks again for the ride” is all you respond. Hopefully signaling that you want to end that topic. 

It was weird, flying on a private plane. You had only flown once before, on a big jet with lots of other people. This was a smaller plane, with just your team and the flight crew. 

Jackie of course saw you get out of Shauna’s car when you arrived. The irritation was instant. She didn’t say it out loud. But you could tell. You could always tell. 

Which is why you found yourself sitting alone on the flight, instead of next to your girlfriend. Jackie insisted Shauna sit by her. Shauna, being put in an awkward spot, suggested Jackie sit in the aisle seat, and you in the window seat, and she would sit in the aisle seat next to Jackie. Jackie, however, claimed she had to have a window seat or she would get sick, so that just wouldn’t work. So now you found yourselves sitting with Jackie in a window seat with Shauna next to her. And yourself sitting in the row directly across from them. You had the row to yourself, so you opted to scoot over to the window seat. You could have gone and sat by Van, but you didn’t think that would go over well with your girlfriend. You accept you’re going to have a pretty silent ride. You certainly didn’t think Jackie would be talking to you much during the flight. 

The plane going down was a blur. Or maybe it wasn’t, and you chose to just block it out. You do have patches of vivid memory that always remain clear in your mind though. You remember the scent of smoke and burning fuel filling your nostrils. A high pitched ringing filled your ears. Your head felt like it was pounding. The world felt like it was spinning. You tried moving, and felt a sharp pressure radiating from your right side.

You felt hands on you, shaking your shoulders. Your body winced in pain. It took a lot of effort, but you finally got your eyes opened. When they finally focused enough, they met a pair of worried dark brown eyes staring back at you. Shauna. You saw her mouth moving, but all you could hear was the high pitched ringing still. All you could do was stare at her, your eyes getting too heavy to hold open. You felt movement. A hand on your head, you think it was the only thing keeping it upright. You struggled to open your eyes again. This time, you were met with a pair of hazel eyes. Jackie. 

Suddenly, you felt a jolt of pain run through your side. You managed to look down, Jackie’s hands still keeping your head in place. Shauna was trying to pry the seat’s arm rest away from you. It looked like it had got impacted into your ribs. You don’t see any blood, so you don’t think it went through your skin or anything at least. You groan when Shauna pulls again. She is using all her strength to get the bar moved. You look up at Jackie again. She looks worried. You think that’s odd. Especially for how mad Jackie was at you earlier. You see her talking to Shauna, but you can’t make out the words, the ringing still filling your ears. Jackie removes one of her hands from your head, and you catch her eyes go wide. You’re having trouble thinking, so it doesn’t register to you what that means. You don’t notice the blood on Jackie’s hand, or how she rushes to return it to your head, applying more pressure than before. 

You assume Shauna got the arm bar free enough. Your mind was getting foggy by now. You remember being pulled out of your seat. Your ribs felt like they were on fire. You remember the flood of sound rushing back into your head. The screaming, the chaos happening around you. A voice from the back of the plane carries with distinction, begging for help. Van. You remember mumbling out her name. Van was your own best friend. Though, since you’ve been dating Jackie, your hangouts have become less frequent. 

“Hey, hey, Y/N!” Shauna’s voice sounded panicked, trying to get your attention. You still felt foggy. Like you were slipping again.

“Van..” you mumbled out again. 

Shauna looked back at Jackie, then to the back of the plane. There was a small fire starting. Van had to get out soon. 

“Shauna I can’t carry Y/N!” Jackie said. 

She wasn’t wrong. You were bigger than Jackie, both in height and weight.

Shauna instantly wrapped her arms around you, pulling you to lift you up. You never realized just how strong Shauna really was. Or maybe it was just the adrenaline. “Hey, we need to get you first. I’ll come back for Van okay? I promise”. 

You groaned at the pain of being lifted from your seat. Shauna’s arms were tight around you, your head falling to her shoulder. The next few minutes, maybe longer, are fuzzy. You remember Shauna eventually setting you down outside. The bright sunlight making you squeeze your eyes shut.

“Shauna what the hell are you doing?” Jackie asked incredulously. 

“Van is still inside! I said I’d go back” is all Shauna said before she was running back into the plane. 

“Damnit Shipman”

You must have nodded off. Because the next thing you remember is Misty Quigley pressing something against your head. You groaned at the contact. 

“Get away from her” Jackie hissed out. It was odd hearing Jackie be protective of you.

“Jack, she’s trying to help”. Shauna defending Quigley. What a day. 

You manage to open your eyes. You try to look around, still dazed. 

“Hey…” Jackie starts. “You’re alright. Just try not to move a lot yet. You hit your head. And Misty thinks you have some broken ribs”. 

You blink a few times, trying to take in what Jackie said. Then you remember. Your eyes snap to Shauna. 

“Van..?” You mumble uncertainly 

Shauna glances down before looking back at you. “I went back. She was stuck. I tried to get her out, but Ja-” Shauna stopped herself from what she was about to say. “I’m sorry Y/N, I don’t know if she got out. We’ve been here with you since then...” she deflects sadly. 

You would later learn that Van did get out. You also learned what Shauna had stopped herself from saying earlier. That Jackie had pulled her off the plane before she was able to get Van out. It was a miracle Van made it, she had the scorch marks to prove it. But you think about how Shauna went back in for her. How she got you off the plane. Your mind wanders to Jackie being okay with letting your friend burn. You can’t help but wonder if you would have been left to the same fate if Shauna weren’t there. You try to shake the thought out of your head. Jackie was your girlfriend. Your girlfriend that you loved. 

You would learn that a plane crash changes people. That it turns people you love into something you don’t recognize. Or maybe, it just shows who people have really been all along. You would learn that help wasn’t coming. You were stuck here. In the wilderness.

Chapter 2