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I wanna starve

I wanna eat everything

me: *starves* *excessively works out* *still a fat potato*

🌹Chest and collar bones are so prominent

🌹My stomach goes in rather than sticking out

🌹I fit so well into size small and 0

🌹My clothes hang of my body daintily

🌹Gained more of a thigh gap

🌹Wrists have gotten so much smaller

🌹More defined cheekbones, looks like I’m always wearing contour

🌹Gained so much self control

🌹Am generally smiling a lot more

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

i will not eat

every time i want to binge, i read this first.

“I eat too much!” There is no maximum calorie limit for eating disorders. An eating disorder is not about what you eat, but how you eat- your feelings/thoughts about your body and your intake.

“I’m not underweight!” The majority of people who develop an eating disorder will never become underweight. The only disorder that is diagnosed based partially on weight is anorexia- and for that, if you’re an average weight but meet every other criteria, you’ll still be diagnosed with ‘atypical anorexia nervosa’. It doesn’t mean you aren’t sick or that you don’t need help.

“I don’t meet the anorexia/bulimia guidelines!” OSFED (formerly known as EDNOS) is not a ‘failed’ eating disorder. It is every bit as serious as anorexia or bulimia. It is also the most commonly diagnosed eating disorder, meaning more people have this than anorexia or bulimia.

“I don’t make myself sick!” Vomiting is only one form of purging. You can have bulimia, anorexia or OSFED/ARFID and not make yourself sick.

“I still eat!” So does everybody else. You can’t photosynthesise, after all. Even people with eating disorders eat.

“I feel like a fake/ a fraud!” So does basically every single other eating disordered person. This is a really, really, really, really common feeling. You might feel guilty for ‘misleading’ other people into believing the problem is more serious than it is, or feel like you’re overblowing things. That’s totally normal and it is not true. You are not a fake or a fraud.

“I eat things that no real anorexic would eat!” I have known eating disordered patients with these safe foods: chocolate, frozen meat pizza, fruit, ice cream cones, potatoes, granola I have known eating disordered patients with these fear foods: : chocolate, frozen meat pizza, fruit, ice cream cones, potatoes, granola Safe/fear foods are not based on logic or reason. They are individualised. There are even people who don’t have any fear foods- they’ll eat anything, they’ll just feel crappy and purge it/ restrict afterwards. All of the experiences described here are those of a person with an eating disorder.

“I’ve never been inpatient!” Neither have most eating disorder sufferers.

“I’ve never been tube fed!” Neither have most eating disorder sufferers.

“I’ve never been near death!” Neither have most eating disorder sufferers.

“My blood work/ blood pressure is fine! Eating disorders affect different bodies in different ways. Some people find their blood work suffers; others find their blood pressure or pulse dips; others find that, whilst they’re suffering hugely mentally, their bodies hold up well. This is not a measure of how ‘sick’ you are. All of these things- weight, bp, pulse etc- are just symptoms of the sickness. The sickness is in your head.

“I don’t feel sick enough.” You never will. Sorry. “I’m not sick enough!” is one of the most common ED thoughts there is; please don’t listen to it. It is a lie. Do not compare your misery to someone else’s; nobody with stage I cancer says ‘yeah, but that person is a stage III, so I’m not really that bad and I won’t get any treatment yet’.

“I still get my period!” ‘Period loss’ has been removed from the DSM as necessary for a diagnosis of anorexia, and no other eating disorder requires it. It was viewed as a flawed measure of illness, and so it has been removed. Whether or not you get your period is not an indication of how ill you are.

“But I binge eat without throwing up” Binge eating disorder is a newly added eating disorder in the DSM, where people eat large amounts of food in an ‘out of control’ manner but then do not compensate inappropriately for it. It is very much a real eating disorder.

“I don’t calorie count/ weigh myself!” I know many people with eating disorders- including anorexia- who have never calorie counted, or who don’t own a pair of scales. It’s not required for diagnosis.

“I think about food all the time!” This is a symptom of an eating disorder. Malnutrition causes the brain to focus 100% of its attention on food- finding it, getting it, eating it. Daydreaming or fantasizing about food does not mean you are not sick; quite the opposite, in fact.

“But I enjoy eating!” Most people do. Eating is enjoyable. Even in the depths of my restriction, the food I ate brought me great pleasure. It’s linked to the previous point, to a certain extent. Enjoying food does not mean you don’t have an ED.

“But this is just how I am!” Eating disorders often start in early childhood, and it can be hard to break out of a pattern that well-entrenched. It’s not impossible, though. Chronic eating disorders can be harder to beat, but they can be beaten.

–

(part of Mental Health Awareness week)

For more information on eating disorders and what to do if you think you have one, visit

www.b-eat.co.uk

www.webiteback.com

http://www.something-fishy.org

NHS- overcoming eating disorders