The Blorbos and the Blood

lol bro check this out [i chug the whole can then attempt to crumple it on my forehead; instead, it goes cleanly through my skull, leaving a perfectly circular hole behind it]

i have [gestures vaguely] my tendencies

I told a guy his total was 13.21 and he said “wish it were that year, could actually get some good music on the radio”

breaking news from the AP, our boys on the front have just sacked constantinople. take that, heretics. coming up next are the soothing lute dirges of bing crosby

You can tell a lot about a person by entering their mind palace and encountering their greatest fears and darkest hopes in a labyrinth reflective of their subconscious thoughts.

*dirty talking* you’ve been a very bad boy and im just going to straight up kill you now

begging on my hands and knees for an official scavengers reign physical release … I will happily spend large amounts of money to have it in my hands safe from corporate hands and mergers while also potentially supporting its future … netflix executives are not seeing heaven

much like a beautiful horse i like salt and roaming freely

everyone shut the FUCK up about 4th of july also happy birthday to this post

your knight's unending loyalty for you is kinda parasocial and lowkey problematic...

got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?

i love you semicolon. no one look at my 80 word sentence

Having a "stupider people have done this" attitude about the things you want to do can open so many doors

dude, this is really scary, and liminal as well. It's like the bathrooms

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems