The Skeleton Detective

For example: this is what I am.

Asexual: The main definition is of a person who doesn’t not find someone sexually attractive at all. But there is more. My definition, the one that has to do with me, is a person who does not wish to partake in the sexual or physical nature of a relationship if I so choose to be in said relationship.

I am an Asexual Virgin who yes does want a relationship but one without the sexual aspect at all. I can love you all the same, completely and whole heartedly, but we do not need to fuck for me to feel that way. Because honestly it’s a waste of time and to me it’s useless to do. I’d rather stay a virgin and that is my choice. Respect it and I’ll respect you.

I do not want to hear another damned fuck tard say i will duck somebody one day, or call me a child because I don’t do the “adult” thing and fuck somebody, or tell me I’m broken, stupid, I haven’t found someone yet, I need to fuck somebody to be happy or try and force me into it when I’ve told you flat out multiple times no, and I’m very uncomfortable.

I’m sorry that I am very comfortable with what I’ve chosen. And I am actually happy I’m a Virgin and Asexual. I always have been and no I do not need to find the “right person” or “have to have it first to say I don’t want it or not.”

“Well too be honest that actually doesn’t surprise me,” he said after a good bit of thought, “Nefarian Serpine did do that some time ago, and he was an Elemental. ....And to be honest I believe I did it at least once when I was young and stupid, but the demanding part I see more as Nefarian’s thing. He did have a large god complex about him that even tiffed me off.”

He chuckled and rubbed the bridge of where his nose should have been with his thumb and forefinger and continued, “Especially when he’d torture me, he made it a point to tell me about pretty much everything going on in his life.”

Skulduggery made a slight shutter. That was for a whole different reason entirely though.

“Well too be honest that actually doesn’t surprise me,” he said after a good bit of thought, “Nefarian Serpine did do that some time ago, and he was an Elemental. ....And to be honest I believe I did it at least once when I was young and stupid, but the demanding part I see more as Nefarian’s thing. He did have a large god complex about him that even tiffed me off.”

He chuckled and rubbed the bridge of where his nose should have been with his thumb and forefinger and continued, “Especially when he’d torture me, he made it a point to tell me about pretty much everything going on in his life.”

Skulduggery made a slight shutter. That was for a whole different reason entirely though.

“Oh it’s you,” he couldn’t help himself, and he had a very telling sarcastic tone in his voice when he came back with his own comeback, “Do tell me where I should sheathe it!”

He turned around and slapped his nonexistent butt at the man, “Because if you tell me right up my arse, I’ll let you know I’m bi and I’ll enjoy every second of it. So do tell me where I should sheathe it!”

“You don’t look like… much…”

“So nice to finally put a face to someone I’ve heard so much about.”

“You aren’t what I expected, but I hope to be surprised.”

“Well… this is awkward… uhhh hello.”

“I’m failing to remember what I expected when I signed up for this.”

“Not gonna lie, you were incredibly intimidating at first… still kind of are.”

“We seemed to have gotten off on the wrong foot.”

“Seems that the rumors and reputation are indeed being lived up to.”

“So I’ve heard some things…”

“You were the LAST person I expected.”

“Sparring partner huh? I think I can take you.”

“Me? I’m not anyone particularly special.”

“Haven’t heard of you whatsoever.”

“I’ve known you for five minutes and I think we’re already friends.”

“You and me are gonna get along great.”

“This is absolutely not working out.”

“Clearly there needs to be some ground rules established.”

“You’re going to be my sparring partner?”

“You know what? I like you.”

“Not working out. Nope.”

“I’m sorry but looking at you doesn’t scream ‘fighter’ to me.”

“I really hope you can make a better second impression.”

“You get one more shot. I hope it will change my mind.”

“I’m here to apologize about before… can we try again?”

Kitt had no idea how she had managed to get herself trapped in this room. It felt a lot like a small and very cramped closet .. Yet, she could not find a door. There wasn’t much light as she felt around trying to look for a door knob .. Or a switch of some kind at least.

However, the felinoid quickly realized that she wasn’t trapped in here alone as someone suddenly spoke up. Gasping in surprise, she turned her head up to the source and could see a mostly shadowed, taller figure pressed up next to her. She had initially thought it was just a bunch of cloth and clutter that she had been leaning against. 

“Huh!? .. O..Oh! .. Terribly sorry about this! .. I didn’t know someone else was stuck in here as well” the cat woman quickly apologized. Although at the moment, it was not possible to move much and she was pretty much stuck to the stranger’s side.

Skulduggery tried to adjust himself again, being careful to make his hand stay in front of his face so he wouldn’t burn them both, he got his fingers into lighting position and spoke again, “And just a warning, you might be a bit alarmed with how I look, so please don’t scream, or anything like that, I get plenty of looks…Anyway,” he sighed, then joked, “Let there be light?”

With that he snapped his fingers to cause a spark and the spark turned to a flame in his hand and he held it. Yes he could see! Well for him that was quite the understatement because he had no eyes, no nose, no face. He had a skull for a head, a skeleton for a body that was confirmed by a bit of his neck peeking out of the collar of his nicely tailored suit, and when he turned his head to her he jumped a bit, surprised to see she was in fact a cat.

He started laughing again, “Hahaha!! Well I don’t have to worry about being stared at,” he could barely double over with laughter because of the tiny compartment they were in and his head cluncked against one of the walls.

Oh my god was this funny, and he wheezed out more laughter as he struggled to say the next bit, “I believe I see why we were both taken,” then he stopped after a good bit then settled down, “Sorry that was very rude of me to do,” he says wiping an imaginary tear from his imaginary eye.

The surprised brightness and warmth from the fire’s glow caused the felinod to squint a bit at first. But her wintergreen eyes quickly widened once the two finally saw each other face to face. Seeing a skull suddenly appear in front of her engulfed in the golden glow of the flame caused her to yelp and back up in shock. The instinctive reaction made the back of her head hit the wall and her hat tumbled to the front of her face again. It wasn’t until she tried to fix her hat again that her ears picked up on the sound of the man laughing.

Setting her hat back in place, Kitt watched as the skeleton she had been speaking to this whole time continued to lose himself in a fit of laughter. She was still close enough to him to feel his body convulse with every guffaw he made. After hearing that cheeky comment about him not being the one that was going to be stared at, Kitt’s surprised expression slowly turned into one of annoyance. It seems she spoke too soon about not being locked in here with a jerk.

“Hmph! … Are ya quite done?” she asked in an almost deadpan manner. Though one could easily tell she was rather miffed.

When Skulduggery finally managed to recover and apologized for the sudden outburst, the felinoid lightly huffed as she tried to resume to find a way out of this place. Though it was still difficult with the tall skeleton man stuck so close to her.

“Ya think that’s the reason why we got locked up in this place? .. Well .. I suppose bein’ laughed at is better than gettin’ shot at” she commented in mild jest. Kitt brings her ear close to the wall to see if she can hear anything, even tapping it for any sign of hallow spaces behind it. It wasn’t until her gaze went upwards that she did notice an odd-looking tear in the wall just above the skeleton man’s head. The flame in his hand was giving enough light to show it off.

Silence fell for a bit as he too began helping Kitt look for a way out, and he was half willing to try and bust the wall down with his foot but Kitt had found something before he could actually fall through with his plan.

His head snapped up after trying to find where Kitt was looking and he held his hat onto his head so it wouldn’t fall off. His head tilted to one side as he stared at the tear in the wall and suddenly he felt a small draft coming from above them.

‘How in the world did they even get into this mess? .. No matter what, I can’t remember anything … Were we drugged … Impossible! …. An’ I highly doubt this bloke next to me would be affected by that sort of trick …. Nor would they’ve had the gall’  she reckoned.

As she lost herself in her thoughts, Kitt made a soft grunt as the skeleton’s jacket suddenly muffled her face. After a moment, she managed to move enough to be able to see her ‘roommate’ and answer his question.

“Well we can certainly try! … Ya think you’re able to reach that gap up there? …. Cuz, if not, then perhaps I can … If you can give me a hand, that is” The cat woman offered.

He then pressed his back against the wall of whatever they were inside of and forced himself to an awkward sitting position then patted his shoulder to tell her to hop on.

He thought out loud this time and what he said sounded a wee bit morbid, “You know, this moment kind of reminds me of a time when I was just a bag of bones. Literally. I was actually just a bag of bones once. It was hell putting myself back together but at least this time I have a friend, and I’m not having to put body parts back where they’re supposed to me.”

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