need someone to come hold my hand and do the thumb thing asap

JBB: An Artblog!
almost home
Claire Keane
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
$LAYYYTER

oozey mess

shark vs the universe

⣠Chile in a Photography ā£
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One Nice Bug Per Day
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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ā

Kaledo Art
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

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@skagboyss
need someone to come hold my hand and do the thumb thing asap

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complicated relationships with your parents are like. you cut up fruit and bring it to my room without me asking. i can't remember the last time you told me that you were proud of me. you told me i wasn't good enough for you but i'm not even good enough for myself. your hugs feel like coming home. i can't tell you anything that happens in my life. i doubt myself every day because of something you said to me when i was eight. would you like to hear about my day? please don't ask me about my day. i miss you even though you're in the next room. i wish we didn't live together. i've never loved or resented anyone as much as i've loved and resented you. are you okay? are we okay? are we ever going to be okay?
Becoming less reactive is a big part of growth & decreasing stress. Sometimes this type of avoidance can be looked at as lack of interest or uncaring, but it isnāt. If you let everything get you worked up, youāre damaging your mind, body & soul
hands that let go, Katie Maria

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your twenties are Also about discovering that youāre not a bad person in all the ways you believed you were but youāre a bad person in completely new and exciting ways
Richard Siken, Ā from Crush; āI Had a Dream About You,ā
āIām waiting for you, Iām waiting for the evening calm, Iām waiting for our time, the oblique light, this pause between day and night. Peace will come, surely. But I can imagine no other peace than that of our two bodies bound together, of our gaze given over to each other - I have no other homeland but you.ā
ā Albert Camus to Maria CasarĆØs, Correspondance, July 17, 1949 [#71]
āI knew it hurt him and he knew it hurt me and neither of us could do a thing about it. We sat on the floor trying to fix each other, all the while knowing there was no way we could. We lay with our legs entwined until finally he said, āI love you, right? God knows I fucking love you. But this isnāt working, is it? Weāre breaking each otherās heart and it feels like weāre running on borrowed time.ā And I said nothing because he was right and I hated it. I lay there silently, hating the way everything contradicted itself. I lay there and hated it all.ā
ā S. Zhao (via blossomfully)

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WHO DO I DESIRE TO BECOME? 2021, by Yumi Sakugawa
āI knew it hurt him and he knew it hurt me and neither of us could do a thing about it. We sat on the floor trying to fix each other, all the while knowing there was no way we could. We lay with our legs entwined until finally he said, āI love you, right? God knows I fucking love you. But this isnāt working, is it? Weāre breaking each otherās heart and it feels like weāre running on borrowed time.ā And I said nothing because he was right and I hated it. I lay there silently, hating the way everything contradicted itself. I lay there and hated it all.ā
ā S. Zhao (via blossomfully)
I try to swallow my hurt these days, but it comes out anyway.Ā in little thingsā the smallest smile, one line in a song with a familiar melody,Ā the word choice in an essay. more often than not, I struggle in describing my feelings. they say your subconscious mind is more powerful than anything. that over 95% of your actionsĀ are dictated off of your inner being.
Iām trying to be in touch with myself again, but Iāve gotten so used to pretending,Ā even I act shocked when someoneĀ asks me how I am. instead of answering, Iām apologizing for not pretending efficiently enough this week. instead of answering, Iām trying to divertĀ the focus anywhere other than me. Iām trying to act normal, be normal, be the person everyone wants me to be. Iām trying to be grateful and stop hurting over nothing.
Iāve spent so much time with my unconscious mind that way. burying and burying until my thoughts spill over to my consciousness. when I was younger, I wasnāt as efficient at being silent, but picking my battles has made me quiet. there are only so many times you can spill your thoughts to the wrong person before they use it against you. and it hurts. it really does. so I shut up, stand tall, and try to be positive regardless of my mind and others trying to hurt me over little things. I know I am strong and I know I am not wrong and my conscious mind knows I shouldnāt even be hurt over people who donāt know anything.
so I shake my head and shrug it off. Iām not as good at that as I pretend to be. sometimesĀ I can take my conscious mind off of my thoughts but theyāreĀ replicating underneath.
they say intuition is based on that, you know. why I can look at a person and just have this feeling theyāre lying is based on the liesĀ Iāve been told. that bad feeling in my stomach that I just canāt put my finger on about a person. and the way I know something bad is going to happen. I try to stay optimistic but it always fucking happens the way I think it will.
and so many times it feels like me against the world. so many times I try to rely on people and I end up getting let down. how do I become someone who stops being let down? how do I become positive without burying?
because Iām tired of looking at beautiful things and running my fingers over the cracks. I want to see something other than the past.
I wanna cry and scream because this all feels like a dream. I canāt wake up. Time is frozen but yet Iām getting older and older everyday. Suicide keeps creeping in on my mind itās like a drug habit you canāt fix. Iām broken and disposable. Who would ever want me in there life? I have no purpose here anymore. Iām a ghost in this life. I donāt care about myself and I hate myself. Iām so fucking close to the end. I feel the sharp pain in my heart and my suffering will never go away. I just want to finally be set free.
my toxic trait is isolating myself in order to feel better when all i really need is a hug and someone that tells me itās gon be alright

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i pray for closure
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