not with sazed

I know // I'm a complex person

shhhh... they're sleeping!

inspo pic below the cut :)

“youngin’, i know when you died last year you thought that would be it. and i’m sure you were hopin’ for it to be an experience other than witnessing your god die. that you’ve lost people.” she pauses for a moment, and he is unsure where she could possibly be going with this. “if you want the chance to rewrite that with a new memory, to see your parents, i can make that happen.”

blinking back tears, he responds, quieter than he’d been since before he got kidnapped by bullywogs, “i thought that wasn’t allowed.”

“no one has yelled at me yet, erlin. and i’m more than happy to push it as far as they’ll let me right now.” she puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezes it. “think about it. talk to your people. let me know. the offer is open-ended.”

but he doesn’t talk to his people. not to bev. not to egwene. he feels like this decision has to be his own.

a week or so later, he finds her outside by the crick, with no one else around. and says yes.

how she gets hardwon to distract bev for the entire time they’ll be gone without hardwon asking questions is beyond erlin, but when she comes to him and tells him it’s all set, he’s nervous.

interplanar travel should be slower, he thinks. that would give him more time to worry about it.

but before he has too long to overthink, he’s in the lush greens of pelor’s plane. and moonshine whispers, “take your time. i’ll find you when you’re ready.” before vanishing.

for a moment, he worries they’ll be hard to find. that they won’t recognize him.

and then there’s a tap on his shoulder and he turns to see them.

they smell exactly how he remembers.

he’s not there long. moonshine may be willing to push limits, but he’s not. he knows he’ll be back some day.

he gets his hug. to refresh the image of them in his mind.

something about the life of adventure becomes easier after he gets home.

he has just been kidnapped, plunged into absolute darkness, and heard his best friend, his boyfriend, get torn to shreds.

death, after that, is almost a relief.

when he blinks and can suddenly see, there’s a light at the end of the path laid out in front of him. a warmth. a promise.

he’s been in the green knight program his entire life. his parents were green knights. his sister is one of the most skilled green teens.

one of the comforts he held, when his parents died, was that staying with pelor would mean he could see them again one day. was this light, here and in front of him, the immediate aftermath of his fall.

so he continued to spread the light where he could. and now he found it.

a short life is always devastating. particularly when it’s your own. but he’s so tired. and he really wants to hug his mom.

at a slight run, he moves forward toward the light. he’s got people waiting for him.

but it’s harder to run than it should be. someone is hanging onto him.

and then the people who hang on, who used his death as a path, are cutting down pelor. ruining the one thing he kept in the back of his head as a comfort for years of grief and pain.

but then there’s this other warmth. one he’s even more familiar with. his home. beverly.

even as erlin knows giving into the pull will make things worse, he lets it take him. the anxiety fills his mouth and entire body as he takes a breath. but for a second, the briefest of moments, he’s safe.

he knew the world was ending, but this is worse.

he feels everything fall apart the instant his feet touch the ground.

and he didn’t even get to see his mom.

City Council of Darkness, Episode 12: The Prince and the Primogen

Purpee Style!!

City Council of Darkness, Episode 13: A Symposium and a Song

Beware a smiling Nixon.

Girlhood friends, Fia & Irina.