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And sure, this was casual, it’s a coworker thing for a few weeks while Eddie gets the feel of the place, we know that due to the fact that Eddie doesn’t share Christopher’s existence during those first few shifts. Christopher is always gonna be the key, sharing Christopher is what Eddie does when it comes to trying harder on his connections. But that makes Buck jump into that space with him. Buck spends the shift making sure Eddie knows Chris would be safe, and we even have a moment where we see just how much Eddie listens to Buck, with the way he repeats Buck’s words to him about highrises being the safest place to be during an earthquake. We also have Buck driving Eddie to Chris’ school. I wish we had a canon explanation for that fact, but I do love that we have a montage of Hen going home to Karen and Denny, Athena going home to May and Harry, and then Buck, Eddie, and Chris become their little unit. 

But that all actually starts the moment I believe is when Eddie was gone for good. Which isn’t Carla, but Buck clearing with Bobby for Chris to stay at the station. Because Eddie is loyal until it kills him, and that moment at the station that eventually leads to Carla, is the moment that Buck becomes Eddie’s ride or die. Because Eddie’s whole life has been about people telling him he’s not doing enough, he’s failing as a son, he failed as a husband, he feels like he is failing as a father, but the way Buck steps in isn’t about doing something better than Eddie and making him feel inferior, it’s about Buck seeing a need and helping without allowing Eddie to feel like a failure for not doing it himself. You can see it on Eddie’s face.

He never had that thing Buck is offering with no expectations. And the way that Buck makes sure that Christopher’s life is gonna be improved. He’s not only offering Eddie help, he’s making sure Christopher is gonna have the support he needs. And that is what seals Eddie's faith here. 

And, yes they're both tied to each other in some way at this point, but I feel like Buck's crush upon meeting Eddie turned I'll never look at the fact that he's very hot again because he's the best friend I've ever had has a different feeling from Eddie letting Buck in as much as he possibly could. I feel like there's a level of intention in the way Eddie chooses Buck to be the person he trusts the most, while Buck stumbles into it and keeps telling himself it doesn't mean anything more. Which puts Eddie in this space where he knows but won't define, and Buck defines wrong.

But obviously, everything there is complicated as hell, he can’t look at the way Buck makes him feel, not with Shannon coming back, and the way he does love her in some way, but he doesn’t trust her.

Who even invites their best friend to a family outing he denied his honest to God wife and mother of his kid? Eddie Diaz apparently, because why wouldn’t he take Buck with him to go see Santa while denying Shannon all access to Chris? And it’s interesting that Eddie doesn’t try for real until Buck tells him to. Both with letting Shannon back in Chris’ life, AND with the whole “we should be a family” speech, it comes from Buck. Buck sees the best in the situation in a way Eddie doesn’t, and that pushes Eddie into things.

But then Shannon dies after asking for a divorce, and that complication is gone, but is tangled in a whole layer of new problems because Buck almost dies right after. The season 2 finale it’s interesting on this point because we see the first moment of irrationality from Eddie when it comes to Buck. He’s just there, holding Buck’s hand. Hen is more than capable of treating Buck. Chim took over the other bombing. Bobby is also there. Eddie is objectively stronger than all of them, he’s also not a paramedic, the rational thing would be for him to be one of the people trying to lift the truck, but no, Buck needs him, so he won’t leave Buck’s side, and it’s not like doing much, he’s holding Buck’s hand, he’s riding with him to the hospital.

We also get a really overlooked thing with the way Hen says things are back to normal, and Eddie looks all wistful, saying almost, because Buck is not there.

Also, the way Buck fresh out of surgery, fresh out of being bombed, is like, nope, this is more important, because he needs to be there for Eddie’s shield ceremony (yay buddie hug number 1, and the way that their last interaction in season 2 is a hug, and their first in season 3 is also a hug.)

So, there’s something on Eddie’s mind about Buck, Buck is very tied to his sense of normalcy already. But season 3 is the one that kicks things into gear. 

It starts with Eddie’s choice to hand Chris over to Buck after Buck quits, to remind Buck he still has things to live for. That he still has him, even if they’re not working together. But then the tsunami happens. 

The tsunami is a key piece for their dynamic, not just because it is the moment that makes Buck a parent, but because at no point does Eddie think to blame Buck. Buck is beating himself up, but even when both of them think that Chris is gone for good, Eddie doesn’t even think there’s something to forgive Buck for. And that leads to the first of the moments that makes me go “Eddie has to know something” and that is the “there’s nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you”. The first moment where Eddie does his roundabout way to tell Buck exactly how much he means to him, even while Buck is lost in his own feelings.

I don’t like to put Shannon in comparison with Buck, but in this particular instance, I’ll have to. During the whole thing with her, where they can’t stop sleeping together but Eddie won’t let her see Chris, the thing there is trust. Eddie doesn’t trust Shannon not to hurt them again. But Shannon also asks for Eddie to make a statement about what they are based on allowing her Christopher, and later, on possible child #2 is what makes Eddie decide to propose again after Shannon uses that to ask what they are. We also know they only got married because she got pregnant. So Eddie’s only romantic relationship at that point has been defined by Christopher. Kids are the only sign he is shown to believe in. So for Eddie to say something like that, it means something. Sure, the tsunami created a bond between Buck and Chris that Eddie can’t control, but he is Christopher's father, no one would blame him for being cautious, but it doesn’t occur to him, because this is Buck. Buck is constant, he is the thing they need to feel normal again. At that point, Eddie is already aware of the fact that he wants to keep Buck in his life.

But then the lawsuit happens. Eddie’s reaction to it and the grocery store of it all only makes sense if he sees Buck as a partner. Buck has no obligation to Eddie and Chris. No one can demand that their best friend consider them before making life-changing choices. But Eddie expects Buck to consider him. He hides behind Chris, and there’s obviously the lingering trauma of watching Shannon die, watching Buck explode, watching the blood clot, and the tsunami, and the way he almost lost both of Buck and Chris and didn’t even know. There’s also the layer of the way Buck understands what Chris went through in a way Eddie can never fully relate to and how that created an attachment from Chris to Buck that Eddie doesn’t fully understand but was ready to nurture because, well, the more people who love Chris, the better, and Chris has lost a lot already, to have a trusted adult who’s not Eddie is important, especially because Chris was hiding things from him, and it matters to Eddie that Chris has someone else willing to die for him, because that is what Buck proved to him he would do. But it's about more because Eddie hates the way he can't talk to Buck. That's his complaint the whole time. Not being able to reach Buck, that Buck went to that extreme after he said how permanent he feels about him.

Not having Buck around, not having him available, puts Eddie off-balance in a way he notices but doesn’t examine. At this point, Buck already exists in his own category on Eddie’s brain, that’s demonstrated by the way that he mentions Buck as separate from the 118 when he gets arrested. He doesn’t think to hide that from Buck the same way he does the rest of the team, he only hides that from Buck because he can’t talk to Buck. Something else here, since we don’t see Buck telling Eddie, it’s safe to assume that Eddie found out he couldn’t talk to Buck through someone involved in the department, maybe Bobby during morning briefing or someone else in their legal department, and boy, wouldn’t that open more wounds considering how Shannon left him and Chris without a word. With Chris’ nightmares, Eddie isn’t expecting to be able to rely on Buck like a best friend, he's expecting a partner. He's not looking at it, he’s not examining it, but he’s for sure feeling it, and it’s throwing him for a loop, considering his world keeps falling apart around him, and he put Buck as a constant in his life. So that Eddie who’s yelling at Buck in a grocery store like a husband calling out his deadbeat ex, is feeling something he refuses to name. 

Something about Eddie is that he does not know what it’s like to have someone make the choice to fight for him. His parents low-key hate him, and Shannon didn’t come back because she wanted to, he reached out first. And that makes the way he’s completely unable to stay mad at Buck more glaring, because it's because Buck is making an effort he's not familiar with. And as long as Buck tries, Eddie is gonna fold. Buck knows he went nuclear and that hurt people he cares about, and he wants to prove to Eddie that he can trust him, and the way Buck is reaching out is the thing. Eddie is physically unable to stay mad at Buck, but it’s very obvious during Buck’s first shift back, because he’s not even ignoring Buck fully, he is replying every time Buck tries. And the second he sees Buck's side of things, he doesn’t hesitate because it all boils down to Eddie missing Buck. He wants Buck to consider him, and as long as Buck says he will, he's fine. Even though Buck is still expecting to be forced to do something to prove himself, see the way he’s shocked Eddie just says he forgives him, but also the way that Buck tries to apologize again in the kitchen scene. 

Something to consider before I talk about the 309 kitchen scene, the episode opens with Eddie’s therapy session, and one thing Eddie says is that he’s boxing his feelings so much, he’s not even feeling the good things. Keep that in mind for the remainder of this. 

Eddie is a professional compartmentalizer. Buck is in his own little box, and I don’t even think the box is labeled best friend in his mind, it just has a pretty little Buck slapped into it while he desperately tries to stop it from busting open. The conversation in the kitchen is Eddie asking Buck to stop making him think about it. “We’re way past that”, the refusal to admit that he’s not opening up to Frank, the whole “let’s just move on” energy. Which paired with Eddie’s tendency to just move past things that make him feel intense emotions, it begs the question of why he won’t look at the way not being a priority to Buck fucked him up. Because, yeah, the fight club era is a culmination of everything that went wrong in Eddie’s life in those 6 months, but losing Buck is the spark that makes him blow up. As much as he doesn’t want to admit it. I don’t think he wanted to punch Buck, he wanted to control something because he couldn’t control how he's feeling. Shannon wanted to divorce him, and Buck low-key divorced him too for a period, which led them to Buck’s kitchen while Buck forces him to think about the impact he has on his life. Buck is very effective in talking Eddie off the ledge. He is a constant in allowing Eddie to exist in a way. But Eddie doesn’t want to think about it. Thinking about it means defining it. Defining it makes it complicated. 

He won't look at it as long as Buck continues to prioritize their connection, and Buck basically promises he will, and he does show himself as back to that constant, we see it in moments like the skateboard incident.

But then we roll right into what I think is one of the major buddie episodes on the show, which is telling on its own, with everything that happens during Eddie Begins. And I’m not talking about Buck clawing at the dirt and the way everyone is treating Buck like a widower already while Eddie is down there, or the way the light is out behind Buck’s eyes, and how he looks at Eddie like he’s a miracle when they find him.

It’s the choice to add that much Buck to Eddie’s I need to keep fighting montage. 

This is retroactive, but the well makes Eddie change his will to add Buck as Christopher’s legal guardian. The first thing on the montage is actually Buck finding out about Chris. Because they start the flashback with Buck saying "you have a kid?" not Eddie saying he's trying to reach his son, or dropping him off a the school, or with abuela, or even Chris' birth. If that was the first time we as the audience learned about Chris too, then sure, but they use the first scene we see Chris in after. So it’s a conscious decision to attach Buck to Chris while Eddie is buried and trying to find the strength to get out of there. And since Eddie chooses to legally bind himself to Buck after that, this is yet another “Eddie has to know something” moment. Something funny to me about the will being changed after the well is the way that 316 is all about Buck’s fear of ending up like Red. And Eddie is all “that’s not gonna happen to us” while literally sitting on a piece of paper that says Buck is stuck with him until he dies. But he doesn't say anything.

And again, it begs the question, what did Eddie realize while down there? Something changed beyond being confronted with his own mortality because he has a lot of blood relatives willing to take care of Chris if the worst happens. He’s known Buck for about 2 years at this point, the lawsuit happened less than 6 months before this. And he is more sure of Buck than he was of Shannon or anyone else in his family. 

And logically, Buck is not the greatest choice, he’s also a firefighter, he’s Eddie’s partner in the field, so if Eddie is in danger, then chances are that Buck is too. He’s also single and without kids of his own. Any lawyer would look at Eddie is insane for even suggesting it when he has living parents and 2 sisters. But he is the only choice that makes sense to Eddie. No matter what. And the only reason he would hide that is if he doesn’t know how to tell Buck without telling Buck everything. So much so, he only tells Buck when he can shift the conversation back to Buck. 

Then we have Eddie’s reactions to Abby during the train derailment. Obviously, if my best friend had been abandoned by someone who never gave him the courtesy of closure, I would also reserve myself the right to hate them, and Eddie only saw the damage Abby did, but Eddie being willing to let Sam die for the crime of being engaged to Abby adds to the situation. Because with the correct lens on, that’s jealousy. Sure, Eddie knows Abby as someone who broke Buck, but he also knows her as this presence that made Buck who he is, which I think gives her too much credit, Buck just needed someone to let him care, so much so that getting Maddie back is what fully allows him to settle into himself. But she’s this mystical presence who still has control over Buck, and Eddie very clearly does not like it. And he doesn’t like it in a way that makes him unsure of the space he has on Buck’s life, which is something. Especially considering the way the show tries to frame Buck as still hung up on Abby. He is hesitant to touch Buck, he is hesitant to talk, all his reactions are of someone feeling threatened, and that is also something that can only be explained by Eddie seeing Buck as more, because why would he feel threatened by his best friend’s ex if he was just the best friend?

This Eddie already changed his will. Buck is set in stone in his life. And as a partner. 

Because the thing about the will isn’t the will, is the choice to hide it. Buck wouldn’t say no if Eddie asked, so why didn’t Eddie ask? He doesn’t want to look at why he made that choice because that means looking at who Buck is to him, and at this point, Eddie doesn’t want the answer. Buck is just Buck. If he doesn’t look at it, he doesn’t have to define it. 

Season 4 is complicated in different ways. Eddie reaches a point where he wants love, but the thing he knows is Shannon, which leads us to Ana and trying a relationship that’s doomed to be comfortable but never exactly what Eddie needs. 

Especially because in the middle of it all, the show is making a point of strengthening Buck and Christopher, Buck is the partner and coparent, so why is there a woman in the middle? But it is what Eddie knows. He finds Ana interesting, maybe he can grow to love her. But parallel to that, Buck is finding his way to Taylor. And Eddie low-key hates it because in his mind, the claim Buck has on his life is set, but he is once again questioning if the feeling is mutual. And they are bestieing like never before, but there’s clearly something under it for the both of them. 

Then The Moment happens. You can claw the shooting as Eddie’s oh moment out of my cold, dead hands. Eddie reached for Buck. He got shot, he thought he was dying, and the thing he did was reach for Buck.

Then Buck gets to him, puts him on the truck, is frantically trying to stop the bleeding, and this man, bleeding out, focuses on Buck just long enough to ask if Buck is okay. 

Sure, this could be Eddie needing to be sure that one of them would make it home to Chris, but wouldn’t it be beautiful if it were Eddie’s mind telling him he needs Buck to be okay before he loses consciousness? I love you, and I need you to be okay before this kills me. Horrible situation to have that realization, but damn if it’s not there. 

But it doesn’t kill him. And now Buck is talking as if his life doesn’t matter, while Eddie doesn’t think he can do it without Buck. So he is finally pushed to come clean about the will. Everything about the will reveal reads as an aborted love confession (I see you Mr Guzman and the this goes beyond friendship and I love you to the core). But the particular moment isn’t the best. Ana is still a factor, he just almost died, and both of them are on edge about it. So he says the closest he can say. He dances around it like he has done for years. Eddie knows Buck, he knows Buck associates love with pain. He wouldn't actually say something after he almost died, but it feels like he's working up to something. "You act like you're expendable but you're wrong" the way he is so close to saying the thing Buck needed to hear the most after his parents. You’re not spare parts, I love you not despite all that, but because of all that. I don’t know how to give you myself yet, but I’ll give you the thing that matters the most to me and dare to stick around to love him with me. Buck doesn’t get it, but Eddie is saying it. Eddie also has shit to work on, but maybe he thinks he can get to a point where he can tell Buck. 

But then Buck gets with Taylor and stays with Taylor. So he stays with Ana, it’s comfortable enough. Until it isn’t. Until he once again waits for Buck's permission to do something. 

Eddie is falling apart in many ways during season 5, and he's trying to minimize the damage to the people around him, but something he holds on to is Buck. Even when everything blows up, he is still going to lengths to show Buck that their friendship isn’t confined to the firehouse. But at this point, Eddie knows the box he keeps confining his feelings in is about to blow up. And when it does explode, he sits back and lets Buck push his way in. Quite literally, since Buck breaks down the door.

Remember how I said Eddie mentions the way he isn’t feeling anything? This is Eddie letting Buck shove his way into the bad feelings, and we will come back to this later. But after his breakdown, he talks about the way he's feeling in a way we don't really see Eddie do all that often and he leans on Buck through his recovery and the process of finding out how to not feel like there's no hope for himself and how to feel comfortable in his own skin again. And it's a lot about Buck and the way Buck is constant. Eddie feels like Buck is this steady presence in his life that can and does help Eddie move forward. It gives Eddie something stable to lean into. Because he's letting himself feel, but so far, it's about the bad.

So we have Eddie learning to let people in for good, and how to handle his feelings in a better way, we have Eddie who might’ve been thinking things about Buck’s space in his life since the well, having better tools to deal with his feelings. But so far, Eddie has only dealt with the bad. So when Taylor takes herself out of the running, Eddie settles himself into the fantasy bubble. They’re both single, he gets Buck’s time, Chris does too. He doesn’t have to think about the way he loves Buck, he doesn’t have to think about what it means to him if they're both in the bubble. 

But then his bubble gets popped in the most violent way possible, with Buck dying. And he was forced to rescue him, was forced to restart his heart. There’s something about the way Eddie follows the gurney. There’s something about the “do more”. Such a desperate thing for a former combat medic and current first responder to scream to a team of doctors. Do more than your best because I can’t do life without him. 

Eddie is good at repression, not denial, and the thing with repression is that you usually know what you're burying. So the moments like this, where we can see the cracks in the box, it makes you wonder how much Eddie really knows about how he feels about Buck.

The will of it all, the way Eddie can’t look at Buck or anything about his death, Eddie never seriously contemplated Buck actually dying, even though he saw Buck almost die multiple times. He never thought about it until he actually lived it. He counted how long Buck was dead. He couldn’t take his eyes off him until he couldn’t look at him again. And this is a man who watched Shannon die because she needed him to be strong. He can’t do that for Buck. Buck is under Eddie’s skin in ways no one else has been. Buck has seen the worst and stayed anyway, so he can’t hide it, because Buck is already in that space in his mind. 

But Buck wakes up. And goes to him for safety. For comfort. Personally, I believe Eddie was lying about not remembering the shooting because Buck wanted the confirmation he would feel normal again, and Eddie didn’t want to add whatever he realized lying on that pavement to the mix of complicated feelings Buck already had. But 613 feels like Eddie is testing the water. The bubble is popped. He loves Buck, he almost lost him, maybe he’s getting ready to say something once Buck starts to feel human again. 

But, once again, Buck goes through something traumatic and runs to someone else. “I feel like she sees me” paired with the way Buck is talking as if he feels like the people around him are forcing him to act a certain way, makes Eddie shut down. Because Eddie only decides to date again once Buck closes the door with his infatuation. So he will stay not analysing the space Buck has in his life. Because Buck keeps throwing him off-balance with reminders it’s not like that. So, space needs to exist.

Until Natalia is out of the way, and he pulls Buck back in. To the co-parent space, to the best friend space. 

But then Buck throws him in for yet another loop. The one that was bound to break the box. He freaks out, acts up, gets a boyfriend, and Eddie is left with a lot more to shove into the box and pray it holds.

In my head, Eddie is convinced Buck can’t want him. Not doesn’t, can’t. So he’s not thinking about it, about wanting more, especially because Eddie never thinks about what he needs. These are all the parts of Buck he’s gonna get, and he refuses to look inside the box to realize he wants more and what that means for him. He doesn't look at Buck and what that means about his sexuality because up to then, Buck was straight, so he couldn't go there even if he had stopped to contemplate the ways loving Buck makes him want him.

And that’s definitely easier to do when they are both “straight”. But Buck is not straight. But he still isn’t giving any indication that he wants Eddie. So Eddie implodes his life.

Buck saw him at his worst and stayed, but Eddie doesn’t know what it looks like for someone to step into his happiness and improve it. And he ends up losing control of it all in the middle of Buck's sexuality realization, so he won't have to think about it meaning something to him because he doesn't think Buck wants him as an option. So he refuses to think of himself as one.

But anyway, it doesn’t matter if it’s Taylor or Natalia or Tommy, Buck is choosing someone else, and Eddie is sitting on top of the box to stop it from bursting open. He’s creating other problems, he’s being framed as cheating on Buck, Chris is leaving him, he’s growing a mustache so he won’t have to recognize the person in the mirror. He loves Buck, Buck is dating a man who’s not him, but it doesn’t matter if he is soooooo straight with his cut-out tank tops and mustache.

Not having Buck can’t hurt him if he doesn’t think about what loving Buck makes of him. 

But then we come back to that therapy session from 309. Eddie controls his feelings so much, he doesn’t feel them. Good or bad. And he decides to let loose. And he lets Buck walk into his joy. So now Buck has stepped in while Eddie allows himself to feel something. Twice. The good and the bad.

Funny how Eddie says he’s straight, but then he says his mustache is a disguise, and then shaves the mustache and welcomes Buck in.  

But Buck is spiralling, and Chris is in Texas, and he has to default back to the way he never prioritizes what he wants. But it doesn’t matter anyway because Buck doesn’t want him, so why would he look at it?

But then Buck freaks out and acts out once more. 809 is about 704. Eddie’s reaction is about Buck not communicating and hurting him. Like, 704, 809, 817, hell, even 305, is all about Eddie wanting Buck to talk to him so he can fix the issue and they can move on before the box explodes. 

But at this point, that box is being held together by chewing gum and half a prayer. And Buck is really good at catching Eddie off guard and rattling the box even more.

And the way Buck loves Eddie in contrast with the way Buck loves everyone else solidifies the concept that Buck doesn’t want him. Because Buck doesn’t cling to Eddie. Buck helps Eddie move. He gets lost in his own feelings and hurts both of them in the process, but he lets Eddie go. Buck begs and lingers in a loud and messy way, but never with Eddie. He never voices that need. Eddie is always the one saying things, pushing Buck to talk, and they are at a point where Eddie would need those words to actually risk it.

And you can see the moments the box cracks while Eddie takes Buck’s words at face value, and Buck holds on to Eddie’s perceived straightness with all his might so he won’t be a cliche. 

And Eddie has been compartmentalizing the way he feels about Buck since they met, and Buck doesn’t give him a full reason to sit and analyze those feelings since Buck keeps running the other direction, so Eddie settles himself into loving Buck the way Buck allows him, with moments where the box starts to crack, because the same way you can't love someone into loving you, you can't put limits into how you love someone. You can lie to yourself and convince yourself you don't need more, you don't want more, that this is enough, but no matter how hard you try, you can't control love.

817 is Eddie desperately asking Buck to need him like he needed Buck. But Buck is so caught up in not being a burden that Eddie once again perceives it all as rejection. It almost seems like Eddie has been daring Buck to ask him to stay. To voice his needs. To let Eddie know he’s one of them. So much so, he tries to force that reaction out of Buck with that note. That note says so much about how Eddie desperately wants Buck to stop assuming things, so that Eddie can stop assuming things, so that they can have a conversation and figure it out, but Buck is not meeting him there. 

Buck didn’t meet him there after the shooting, or after the lightning. So he keeps being forced to love Buck in the way Buck lets him. And since Buck doesn’t want to be perceived as hopelessly pining for his straight best friend, so he keeps burying himself in denial, Eddie ends up forced to let him because he doesn't want to push Buck into something he doesn't think Buck wants.

Something about Eddie is that he doesn't ask for pieces of Buck, he puts himself out there and lets Buck come to him. Even the will reveal, Eddie only tells Buck once Buck steps up himself. He doesn't ask for Carla, he doesn't force Buck once he says he has a problem with him, even "you can have my back any day" is phrased in a way that allows Buck to make the choice.

If he never pushed before, why would he do it now? Because this is Buck, and Eddie knows him, who's to say that if Eddie says something, Buck won't roll with it not because he wants it but because he thinks that indulging Eddie is the only way to keep him? How can Eddie trust that he wouldn't be forcing Buck to settle for him if Buck isn't letting him know he's in it with him?

And they end up in this really weird situation where, honestly, all they need is a conversation, but they are so used to not needing words that they don’t know how to say it. So Eddie settles into how Buck doesn’t want him to offer more and Buck keeps trying to convince himself he already has enough of Eddie.

Eddie wants to love Buck but thinks he can't do more than be the best friend, so he settled into it, so he won't have to question what that makes of him, what that makes of them, how it would change them, how it wouldn't change them at all. Best friend is the title Buck gave him, and Buck gives him a lot already, he won't ask for more because it's Buck and what he has is enough. He just repeats it over and over so he won't question if it's true.

Why risk the relationship they have when he thinks he's seen how Buck looks when he's in love with someone and he doesn't think Buck looks at him like that? It's safer if he doesn't change things. If he convinces himself he doesn't need them to change. So he settles into the feeling, he'll love Buck however Buck lets him and never question how he wants to love Buck because he never gets what he wants, why would it be different now?