sb

who learned my undoing by touch,

who took me apart slowly-

not with cruelty,

but with hunger mistaken for love.

I came undone quietly.

The most dangerous kind of breaking.

He ruined me in ways

that still know my name.

Left his fingerprints on my bones,

taught my heart how to ache

without asking why.

I rebuilt myself in the dark of him-

where desire learns restraint,

where love sharpens into survival.

I became something watchful,

something awake.

Something he never imagined

would rise from what he left behind.

Years later,

he would choke on his own fire,

caught in the wars he waged inward-

desire turning feral,

memory refusing mercy.

He would finally see the wreckage,

and it would not forgive him.

And I-

I would still love him.

Not gently.

Not safely.

Love like a wound that never closes,

only deepens its intelligence.

But I am afraid of him.

Afraid of the way he might look at me

and recognize the storm behind my eyes-

the restless weather,

the lightning that learned patience.

Afraid he would understand

that I am no longer the ruin,

but the omen.

That loving me now

would mean stepping into a fire

that remembers him.

And still-

some nights

my heart reaches for his name

like it is a war it would lose again

(Vertex in Leo)

The nature of the Vertex in astrology is of a karmic point that needs activation to bring out its power.  On its own the Vertex is a sleeping giant.  To awaken the vertex an event over the course of a lifetime needs to occur to open its suppressed nature.  The vertex is known as a gate which opens a new world to a person’s life.  Sometimes it’s unleashing can be very significant and it all can depend on where in the birth chart the vertex sits.  

When a planet in transit or a planet of a person in synastry conjuncts the vertex it serves as a platform to activate the vertex.  The conjunction opens the energies of the sign and house the Vertex it sits in. If the vertex sits in a sign with little to no overall dominance in a chart the awakening can feel like a new world is open to a person.  However if the vertex is in an area of the chart with dominance and many planets then the effects may be little felt.

With Vertex in Leo a person is to develop a sense of individuality in this lifetime when the Vertex is activated.  Another person or event in your life sees that you put Leo energy at the forefront.  The vertex person is expected to distance themselves from giving away their power to friends, groups, affiliations and others in general for their own personal growth.  The person needs to turn away from the Aquarian efforts from the anti-vertex, and infuse their soul with Leo Traits.

The karmic energy of the vertex here is pushing you toward accepting Leo energy in your life.  The soul grows when it has fun.  Being creative and taking time for the self enriches the soul and is needed.  The soul flourishes more when it expresses its individuality and the vertex helps gain this insight when activated.  The soul here learns the need to draw attention to itself, instead of giving it away to a group or submitting to the greater collective

The Karmic lesson of the vertex in Leo is to move away from doing things on an impersonal level that may be all too familiar.  Relations should include what makes you an individual, your thoughts, experiences, and opinions should play into your expression.  Basically a person should care about expressing oneself creatively.  Developing hobbies and an idea of fun is important for a person’s individual well-being.  There may be encouragement to take more risks and gamble from the event that triggers the vertex.

This Vertex activation moves a person towards more involvement in love and romance.  New desires for affection and appreciation of love can be brought to the surface.  The person who activates this vertex may also encourage the vertex person to have children perhaps when they might not want any.   It can also be seen that the person just finds a new love of being with children. The individual may also be shown the enjoyment of being a child an encouraged to live more youthfully.