born under the stars of pisces

fangyi, who came to see me for her master’s thesis and who kept me afloat with cute memes throughout the months.bunnies. kitties. street-finds.

sinda, the poor italian aupair who came to germany right into the second wave and its lockdown, but with whom we thus got the chance to truly appreciate the outside world of my city. sure, we are freezing and shivering the entire time through when we meet but at least our laughter warms us at least a little. chess. mary shelley. german films.

beautiful louisa who i didn’t meet in person once but who i feel more connected to than ever. through the dark and the grim we exchanged love and words of encouragement and yes, the convision was A HELL LOT OF FUN!!!  puppy. boring classes. food.

the same obviously applies to my gorgeous gorgeous mor who i miss so dearly. it’s the first year since we’ve met that we couldn’t meet at least once and yet we never felt distant from each other. they’re doing so great in life and i am so proud of them and -- okay this is a terrible screenshot from their reaction to the convision BUT I PROMISE YOU THEY DIDNT *JUST* SUFFER!!! christmas films. plays. crazy ex girlfriend.

vincent and emi with whom we spent the summer in our house in italy, drinking wine from chalices, playing ligretto and eating good cheese and saussages, not caring that the outside world was hostile because the inside world of our little realm was so welcoming. lagoons. ligretto. john mulaney.

amos, who, as he discovered frankfurt, i discovered myself a little more. i don’t think this year could’ve been as beautiful as it was for me had it not be for him. i’m so happy we met, so happy he saw something in me that was worth investigating, and i pray every day we’ll get to quarantine together again one day. abbelwoi. pumpkin soup. gilmore girls.

and of course silvia. she brought regularity into my life where there was only chaos, light where there was only darkness, and surprising obsessions where i thought i was over fandoms. open windows, masks, distance, and yet it feels like we’re warmly nestled into each other whenever we meet and i’m so happy for it. attack on titan. ratties. onigiri.

so while i miss cuddles and sharing wine bottles and long movie nights with everyone together, i don’t think i missed out on much. on the contrary, i think above all, 2020 taught me that my friends are creative bastards and stubborn morons and that i am the luckiest person on earth to have them.

thank you so much. and thank you to christie and gabe, ellie and nicky, emily and philipp, who i can’t find pictures of, but who still made this such a n exciting year full of laughter and adventures.

Winter

Upon returning from Italy where I spent the New Year with Emi and gathered a thousand new inspirations for new stories, I returned to my uni town to finish my dissertation.

It was then that it hit me, how this was the end of an era. All my friends I had made over the years, Lea my Empress who gives the best parties and with whom we went to get a horrible perm to celebrate, Fangyi who slowly but surely became more German than all of us combined, Isaac who was so frightfully similar to me that at times it was truly scary, Alex who never really had time because she was just too well beloved, but who still never missed a beat to invite us round for tea, and Leon who conquered our uni and for whom I briefly became the right hand man, lurking in the shadows to advise him like in a Shakespearean play. I missed them already while we had lunch together still. 

And when I moved back to Frankfurt, my degree in my pocket, I knew that those candid photographs would one day remind us of all the time we lost being anxious about nothing. It was for this reason that I soaked up the time spent with my old high school friends, Silvia the muscle of my heart, Nic who is becoming so butch I might gift her raw meat for Christmas, and Lou who has begun to take the same path as me and whom I am so infinitely proud of for being so strong and overcoming such horrible times. Watching Spring roll closer, we went to perform with the choir, watch Jane Austen plays in the theatre and have a good amount of picnics in the park. 

Spring

It was for this reason also that when my darling muse Mor invited me to come visit them in Tel Aviv for the Euro Vision, I was gone in a breath. Oh, the heat! Oh, the history! Oh, all that fun! 

Ashely, whom I had previously met in London, was also there, and together we sun bathed by the Dead Sea, sang loudly along to show tunes in the car as we drove through the desert, and learnt how to be proud and confident. It is funny how strong personalities influence you even after just a brief vacation together. 

Suddenly I was no longer afraid of entering coffee shops, asking for help, contacting people. Suddenly I had incorporated Ashely’s strong spirit and had a Sykpe Interview with my soon-to-be-boss in Manchester. And suddenly I had to pack my bags and fly to England.

Summer

My plane departed before I had a place to stay, all my papers gathered, or even my suit case packed. But here I went, over the small pond into the land of great political divide. 

I stayed at a hostel first, where I met the most beautiful people. Gabebe, the Australian whose outward serenity intrigued me and whose wide knowledge on random topics kept me close. Christifornia, the only American (apart from my ex Anse perhaps) whom I didn’t dislike on sight, and who might be my long lost twin. Keiran, into whose arms I fled when my second job at the bar became too stressful and who managed to evade all my questions while still leading the most comforting of conversations. And Edward, the naughty street cat with the magnificent curls and sexy boots, who showed me the rooftops of Manchester and whispered philosophy into my ear as the sun rose. 

My colleagues and I became friends rapidly, and it was one of them who invited me to move in with him for the Summer. Jame The First. As the other 5 house mates weren’t around yet, the house became our bisexual kingdom for a while as we grew into an unbeatable team. Alton Towers, Picnics and City Tours with 10/10 rating, right?

With Vicky we did the Manchester United Stadium and while our students gobbled it all in, we stayed in the back and gossiped around, possibly having too much fun for just how bored we were. And with my boss we went to discover the Manchester Gay Village, the famous one, the oldest one, the most beautiful one in the whole of England. I’ve dreamt of going there one day ever since I was a young gayby, so I couldn’t believe my luck when after Pride, we sat in the balcony of G-A-Y with Kei and watched the rainbow world of Manchester pass by. 

And who would forget Joe, my pub boy who not so selflessly let me sleep over at his place when I was between hostel and Jame’s house, and whom I had to break up with because The Greatest Showman was his favourite film... Or Cooking Boy Paddy, who secretly fed me fries while I was running from table to table waiting at the pub, always some kind words on his lips?

This Summer I also met Danny, my bab, again, once in Liverpool were we raided the Cavern Walks, and once in Newcastle, where for their birthday, a house party ensued that were cause for the kind of pictures I couldn’t possibly post online. But let us say, to rip apart the bible and roll grass into it was the least questionable thing done that night. Newcastle Pride was the same morning, where I met gAJ again, the wonderfully sweet poetress whom I hope to adopt one day. 

Just as I was sad to return to Manchester alone to continue my last month of work there, Emi came to visit me! The love for pink gin was discovered as well as the hate for pina colada! Oh the irony! Parties were attended (or rather thrown ... but at Gabebe’s place because we didn’t want to be the ones having to clean up afterwards) and endless meals of Pret A Mangers were devoured... When she told me that she had a great time, I suddenly realised that, yes, indeed, I was having the best time as well, and my heart grew heavy with happiness upon understanding how fortunate I was to be sharing a life that had the power to make others happy as well...

Autumn

Nevertheless, after such a wild Summer, I was glad to have more time for myself and my stories. I had written a quick novel in April (50k), now I wrote a big novel in September, October, November (210k words) while my new uni year began. Studious, and focused on my story, I was however not reclusive. 

There were still afternoons spent with cofee and cake, weekends spent in foreign cities for concerts, nights spent at the theatre and various speak-easies, and days spent reading reading reading all that I had written. With Silvia. With Emi. With Mor. Worlds created for those who make the real world more endurable. 

And thus comes the year to an end, and I’m looking over the frozen roof tops of Frankfurt and wonder how I could’ve possibly been overcome by anxiety this year, worrying I was letting time pass too inattentively, worrying that I wasn’t soaking everything up enough, if all those moments of laughter have been shared with such splendid humans. 

And those are the friends whom I met. Let us not forget Vincent and Anse, let us not forget Amos and Simon. All my pen pals! My roleplay pals! And my family!! My magical, loving family who I wish could all be contained in one body so I could squeeze them in a tight hug! In fact, I’d like to hug everyone mentioned here. For helping me suck out the marrow of life. For making 2019 such goddamn happy year...

You see...

Not our achievements, not our success, wealth or power make our lives worthwhile. It’s the people we meet, the people who love us and who allow us to love them back, who colour our days, who imprint value onto moments and bring worth to our time on earth.