Anxious & Fuzzy

“You rang?”

You groaned as the voice pierced the air. You risked looking up from your blanket shelter and made out a bleary shape with purple hair. “Raf?” your voice was raspy in your throat.

“In the flesh,” he sat down on the edge of the bed. “Feeling better?”

“I don’t know…wait,” you looked around the room confused. “Where am I?”

“You are at my aunt’s house. Do you remember anything about last night?”

“Last night? I--” your stomach gave a lurch and you slapped a hand to your mouth. Rafayel was quicker than you and grabbed a garbage can. It was just a dry heave but it still didn’t feel good. “Kill me.”

“How about some water instead?” He handed you a cup of water from off the nightstand. “I also have hangover medicine.”

“Thanks.” You sipped at the water to wet your mouth and throat then chugged the hangover medicine like it was the elixir of life. “How did I end up here?”

“Well,” Rafayel said, scooting closer, “I came across you last night while I was out for a walk, you were getting drunk surrounded by luggage since you apparently got evicted from your apartment. And being the selfless amazing friend that I am I singlehandedly brought you and all your stuff back to my aunt’s house to sleep it off.”

“Oh no.” You buried your head in your hands. You had meant to catch the train back to your father’s house last night. What was supposed to be a couple drinks to soften the ache of leaving Linkon turned into getting drunk as the hours slipped by. “It’s starting to come back. I do remember talking to you last night, I think I said a lot of stuff about fries?”

“Yep. I then gave you a ride on my back to the cab.”

“Shit.” You laid back against the mattress. “I’m so sorry you had to deal with that.”

“Do you remember anything else?” he asked.

You shook your head and hid back under the blanket. “No. And at this point I feel humiliated enough that I don’t want to.”

“So you don’t remember the cab ride or anything after I got you to the house?”

You didn’t remember a cab ride but you did vaguely recall getting to the house. You were laying in bed much like you were now and--

Love you

Oh no. Oh damn it all to hell!

You remembered ranting to him about his relationship with Merri and drunkenly confessing to being in love with him. Or did you? Did the words actually leave your mouth or did you just think them? Maybe you said them after he had left. You could definitely remember thinking the words. You tried to press for more details, willed your brain to remember anything more so you could know exactly how terribly you embarrassed yourself last night but nothing was coming to mind.

All you could remember was that you may or may not have said that you loved him. Hopefully if you did say it he would just think you meant in a friendly way and that you weren’t actually harboring deeper feelings for him. Yes. It was fine. Nothing to worry about.

“Nope. Nothing,” you answered. “Did I say something? Or perhaps do something weird?” You bolted up straight. “Please say I didn’t puke on you!”

Rafayel took in a deep breath and shook his head. “Uh no, no puke. Nothing weird either…you um, you just really wanted some fries from what I recall.”

Thank goodness for that.

“I’m so sorry for making you take care of me. I promise I’ll be out of your hair soon.” You looked in the corner and saw the crate with your cats in it. They were awake now and meowing for food and freedom. “Can I trouble you for something to feed them? I didn’t bring any kibble for them when I was packing my things.”

“I’ll bring something over.” Rafayel stood up. “And there’s need for you to rush and leave.”

“I’m already behind, I was planning on catching the train yesterday. I need to rush.” You flung the blanket back but moving quickly made you woozy.

“What train?” he asked.

“A train home, back to my family’s house in the country.” you sighed. “I can’t afford to stay in the city so I was going to go home.”

“Leave Linkon? But surely you can find another place to live or something. You don’t need to leave the city.”

“I’d love to stay in the city but I was already struggling to pay rent at my last apartment and that was already one of the cheapest ones I could find. Anything even slightly more expensive will be impossible unless I never want free time again.” You looked around for your phone to see when the next train was leaving.

“Stay here.” Rafayel plucked the phone out of your hands.

“Raf, I just said--”

“No, stay with me--I mean, stay here with me and my aunt. We have this spare bedroom, we won’t charge you rent, you can stay here. At least until you get back on your feet.”

This morning was already not going how you wanted it and now the man you had a crush on was telling you to stay in his house where you would see him every day. There’d be no way to avoid it. Not him. Not your feelings.

“I can’t ask that of you.”

“You don’t need to, I’m offering. I already told my aunt about you getting evicted and she said it was okay if you stay as long as you need.” Rafayel grew quiet. “Unless there’s maybe another reason you don’t want to stay here.”

You couldn’t tell him it was because you had feelings for him and the idea of being around him while he was happily in a relationship with Merri was tearing you apart from the inside out. “I…I don’t want to be a burden,” you said instead.

“You won’t be.”

Damn it. Everything inside you was telling you to run. Everything about this was a bad idea but that stupid part of your heart wanted to stay. Now your brain was justifying it however it could. If you stayed here you could find a better job and get better pay and move into a nicer apartment. You wouldn’t have to worry your father and brothers by moving back home. Really, it was the best offer you could get and you’d probably be better off if you just accepted. It was all so logical.

Still your mind kept debating what to do.

It’s a good idea. It’s a terrible idea! You can be an adult about this. You’re too immature to handle this! You don’t have to leave. You can’t stay!

“Okay,” the word fell out of your mouth. “But I’ll earn my keep. I can clean and stuff, I won’t just freeload off of your aunt’s generosity. I’m sorry for being such an inconvenience to the both of you like this.”

Rafayel’s face brightened and he handed you back your phone. “I’m glad you’re staying, and you really need to learn to accept help when it is offered. Take it easy, I’ll be back for something to feed your little beasts.”

After he left the room you opened the crate to let your cats out to roam. “Sorry babies, I know it’s not fun being cooped up all day.”

You downed the rest of the water Rafayel had brought you and fished around in your luggage for a new set of clothes. There wasn’t an adjoining bathroom so you had to leave and find one to clean up in. You had been here enough before when you were modeling for Rafayel that finding the bathroom was easy enough. You were planning on just brushing your teeth but after an entire day being out in the hot sun toting all your belongings and getting drunk you decided a shower would suit you better.

It was amazing how much of a difference decent plumbing made. The water stayed hot, the pressure was strong and consistent, there was actually room to move around and you weren’t cramped into a short square. You decided when you were apartment hunting one of the musts you were going to look for was a good bathroom.

The shower did help to make you feel like more of a person and the hangover was starting to ebb which was great. After a change of clothes and a quick clean up of the cats’ litter and you were ready to confront the rest of the day…living at Rafayel’s house.

“Why did I agree to this?” you muttered to yourself as you left to find some food.

You were hoping maybe scalp some crackers or just something to get in your stomach but found Rafayel already in the kitchen cooking something. “There you are,” he said. “I’m still making lunch but you can sit and wait if you want a plate.”

“Oh okay,” you sat down at the table. The last time you had seen Rafayel cook was when he came by your apartment for the first time. Standing in a nice kitchen such as this with an apron tied around his waist you could have mistaken him for a personal chef. He moved with such fluidity, like every chop of a knife and shake of a pan was part of some intricate dance.

“So, where is your aunt?” you asked. You had never met her in all the times you’ve visited before and had to wonder if she actually did live here or not.

“She’s at a rehearsal. She’ll be back in the evening.” He continued chopping.

“I see. Any plans for the day?” You were getting more and more anxious about being in this house alone with him. You needed someone else to cut the awkwardness you were feeling.

“Not a one.” Rafayel shrugged. “You gonna do anything today?”

“Well, the shift I normally work has been taken over by nepotism, so no.” You still needed to formally quit. It was a shame because you did like that cafe but without proper hours you’d never be able to get a new apartment. “I’ll probably spend the day job hunting online for something that pays better.”

“Or, here’s a wild thought,” Rafayel said, “You could take a day off and not worry about jobs or money or anything else for that matter. You look like you need a day to yourself.”

“Are you saying I look tired?”

“Yes, but also Thomas told me about how you get into funks where you don’t talk to people and only work and I think you could use a recovery day so you don’t fall back into that rut.” Rafayel gestured for you to come closer, holding out a spoon full of sauce to you. “Give this a taste and tell me what you think.”

You took taste and had to stop yourself from moaning. “Damn that was good!”

“Glad to hear it.” he smiled and went back to stirring.

“You know, I’ve been meaning to ask you something. How does a god know how to cook so well?”

He chuckled and shook his head. “You know I wasn’t always a god. I have always been in line for consideration but before the elders chose me I was living as any other normal Lemurian. I learned basic life skills and I rather liked cooking so I spent a lot of time in the kitchen learning from the best. Can’t you cook?”

“Only the basics, anything fancier than that and I end up just making a mess.”

“That would explain why your tastes seem to start and end with cup noodles.” He rolled his eyes. “Come over here.”

“Why?”

“Just do it, please”

“Okay,” you stood up and stood next to him. “Why do you want me here?”

“Cooking lesson.” He pushed the cutting board over to you. “Finish chopping these scallions for me.”

“Oh no, please don’t feel like you have to teach me.” You tried sliding the board back over to him.

“You said you wanted to earn your keep, right? This is how it is happening. Now get chopping.” He pushed it back to you. “You do know how to chop a vegetable, do you?”

Your pride flared with indignation. “I’m not a complete idiot, I can chop something just as well as the next guy.”

“Good, then get to it.” he nudged you with his elbow and watched as you took up the knife and started cutting up the scallions.

You could chop veggies just fine but it was nowhere near as smooth or as fast as Rafayel had been doing it. How did people do this so fast without accidentally cutting off a finger?

“Can I give you a pointer?” Rafayel asked, slipping the knife from your hand. “When chopping you don’t want to act like a cleaver just banging away slowly at it. You want to kind of rock the blade like this where the blade never lifts completely off the cutting board. And keep your fingers safe by curling the fingers back to secure whatever you’re chopping.”

“Okay…” you took his advice and started chopping again. “I don’t really get this motion.”

“Like this,” he placed his hand over yours to demonstrate the move and were encased in that scent of ozone, amber, and orange blossom that he always smelled like. You were barely paying attention to what he was showing you, too aware of the feeling of his hand cupping yours.

“That feel better?” he asked.

“Y-Yeah, I think I got it.” You forced your eyes to stay down on the cutting board.

“See, not so hard as it looks. And who know, maybe one day you’ll get as good as me.”

And the butterflies fluttering up a storm in your stomach all went still. “Oh how very humble you are, mister fish face.”

“Hey, that is lord fish face to you.” he pointed the spoon at you.

You laughed despite yourself and continued on cooking, with Rafayel showing you some simple tricks and giving you a few pointers. It was an informative lesson but half of what he said went in one ear and out the other since he was so close the entire time.

You thought being around him would have been harder but you were surprised by how quickly you fell back into the familiar repartee. Putting aside your growing feelings you had to admit you missed spending time with him. In a short amount of time he had gone from a stranger to one of your closest friends and cutting him out left a larger hole than you thought it would.

Over lunch you explained more about what had been going on the past couple of weeks leading up to you getting evicted. He listened intently, only really chiming in when you got to the part of actually being evicted by your former landlord and from there he was infuriated on your behalf. Then came the question you had been hoping to avoid.

“If you were in such dire straits why didn’t you come to me? That painting we started still isn’t finished and you would have made more than enough to pay your rent.”

Your fork scraped the empty plate before you. “Well, I didn’t want to bother you.”

“How would that be bothering me?” he pressed.

“You had just gotten into a new relationship, things are actually working out between you two and I know how important finding someone to love is for you so I didn’t want to distract you. I also know how new couples are, they get so attached cause they’re in that honeymoon phase so I figured you wouldn’t even notice that I wasn’t around as often.” You picked up your dishes and moved over to the sink so he couldn’t see the pained expression on your face.

Rafayel, never one to let something go that easily, followed you to the sink, taking whatever clean dishes you had just washed and picking up a towel to dry them. “You wouldn’t have been a distraction and I did notice,” he said. “I’ve missed you.”

Don’t say that. Please don’t say that. It was making an already hard conversation worse.

“I…I missed you too.” He had no idea just how much you had missed him and what it meant to be here with him now. There was a war inside you, one that fought to keep the distance as friends cause he was already in a relationship and one that that wanted to betray your friends by letting yourself fall into him completely. And when you looked into those beautiful sunset eyes of his you found the side that wanted him all to yourself pulling winning.

“I should um, I should go finish unpacking.” You took the first step away.

“Right,” he nodded, setting the clean plates on the counter. “You settle in, let me know if you need anything.”

You rushed back to the guest bedroom and slipped inside. Your cats had wandered out of their crate and were now making themselves well at home inside the room. “Don’t get too used to it,” you told them, “We’re not staying here long.”

Instead of putting your things away you dug out your laptop and pulled up job listings. You needed to get out of this house fast before you ended up doing something stupid.

~~~

Rafayel was fine. Really he was. He had convinced you not to move far away, you were relaxing after a very stressful couple of weeks, and you were even staying in his house where he’d get to see you everyday.

The only problem was that you didn’t remember saying you loved him last night and he couldn’t yet tell you that he was single and confess that he completely and utterly in love with you. Maybe if you had remembered he’d be able to bypass the whole grace period thing he promised Merri because you would have said it first and everything would have been fine. But no. You got too drunk and didn’t remember and now you were going to be living in his house where he’d see you everyday and everyday he’d have to keep his feelings to himself, at least until Merri left for her research trip.

It also just wasn’t a good time to be confessing anyway. You were going through a lot at the moment and it would probably be for the best if you weren’t also juggling a new relationship. That was if you actually wanted to be with him and your drunken confession wasn’t just some mistake that you didn’t actually mean.

Just a few days. In a few days Merri would be off on her trip, you’d be more settled, and he could tell you that you are everything he’s ever wanted in life. Easy peasy.

It had been a while since you retired to your room and Rafayel stopped by to see how you were settling in. He gave a gentle knock and heard you tell him to enter.

He expected to see the room more organized but when he came in your luggage was still untouched and you were bent over your laptop. “I thought you were unpacking.” He maneuvered around the large box full of your stuff.

“I will in a bit,” you muttered, eyes glazed over as you stared at the screen.

“What are you doing?” he walked around to see what you were looking at and saw you slowly scrolling through job listings. “Really? Didn’t I tell you to take today to relax?”

“I still need a job, Raf.”

“Not today you don’t.” He took the laptop and snapped it closed.

“Raf! Give it back!” you tried to grab it back from him.

“Nope. I told you to relax today and you didn’t do that so I’m confiscating this and ordering you to watch a movie with me instead.” He put the laptop on top of a tall shelf you couldn’t easily reach. “Living room, now. I will be bringing snacks.”

“But--”

“Nope. It’s been decided. Come on.” he marched over to the door and stood there until you got off the bed with a groan and followed him. You sat down in the living room while he found a number of snacks and brought them out to lay across the coffee table. He did let you pick the movie since he still wasn’t sure what movies were good or not and decided to trust your judgement.

You picked a fantasy movie about a star girl falling to earth and a man trying to escort her across a magical land, facing princes and witches and pirates, all while falling in love with said star. You were sitting on opposite sides of the couch, a single cushion of space between the two of you as you watched the harrowing and funny adventure happening on the screen.

Rafayel found himself continuously glancing over at you, watching your reactions to this movie you adored. It had been so long since he had seen you smile or heard you laugh, it was great to experience it all over again.

In the movie the protagonist had just been turned into a mouse by a witch and the star was confessing her feelings to him, unthinking that he understood what she was saying.

Rafayel glanced over once again to see what you were doing and saw that you had a pillow clutched to your chest, a warm, giddy smile plastered on your face. By the tides you were adorable. You had claimed yourself as a hopeless romantic and it was here the Rafayel knew that you had been telling the truth. You really did love love.

~“You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves. You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful.”~

You turned to look at Rafayel, either seeking his reaction or wondering why he was watching you instead of the movie. Your eyes locked and he felt his breath catch in his throat.

~“So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable, and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and… What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you.”~

You weren’t looking away and neither was he. The scene kept on playing but neither of you were watching, something tenuous and unspoken hanging between the both of you. And for a moment nothing else existed.

~“I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me anymore. It belongs to you.”~

He swallowed, the space between you may as well have been a chasm because he wasn’t touching you. He didn’t want you across from him, he wanted you nestled in his arms where you belonged. And maybe, just maybe you wanted to be there too.

~“And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange, no gifts, no goods, no demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.”~

“Cutie, I--”

The sound of the front door opening broke the spell and you snapped your heads to front. Rafayel had a fist pressed to his mouth, cursing in his head that he had almost spilled everything in a moment of weakness.

Talia walked inside, adjusting the purse on her shoulder when she caught sight of you and him sitting on the couch, acting like a pair of teenagers that got caught doing something they shouldn’t have. “Oh hello,” she waved.

“Hi auntie,” Rafayel paused the movie.

“Hello, miss Tan,” you stood up. “It’s a pleasure to meet you and Rafayel already told me that he told you why I’m here and I just wanted to say thank you for letting me stay. I swear that I won’t do anything to burden you and will be nothing but respectful while I’m staying here. Thank you so much.”

“Oh my dear girl, think nothing of it.” Talia greeted you with a smile, clasping your hands. “It is just terrible what’s happened to you. If my nephew hadn’t invited you to stay I would have. Treat this home as your home and do let me know if there is anything I can do to help make you more comfortable.”

“You’ve done more than enough by letting me stay here. Thank you. And I just wanted to say I’m also a great fan of yours. I haven’t had the chance to attend a live show but I’ve watched many recordings.” You were practically vibrating with nervous excited energy.

“Thank you. You are just lovely.” She gave you an affectionate kiss on both your cheeks. “You look like you two were watching something so I won’t bother you. Carry on, and do not be shy in letting me know if you need anything.”

“Thank you again. I know I keep saying it but it means a lot to me.” You glanced around the room. “Actually, while we have the movie paused I’m going to go to the bathroom. Be right back.”

You scampered off and Talia turned to Rafayel. When he heard the click of the bathroom door Talia stepped closer with a pitying look. “So, this is the one you really like. She’s adorable, you have good taste.”

“Auntie!” Rafayel groaned, covering his face with his hands.

She chuckled, patting him on the top of his head. “It looked like I interrupted a moment and I apologize for that. Is the mood completely ruined?”

“Doesn’t matter, I can’t tell her yet anyway. Too much going on,” he sighed.

“If you say so. Just remember, there is no perfect moment. Don’t drag your feet and miss out on her entirely waiting for it.” She excused herself to her room and a minute later you returned to finish watching the movie.

“Oh hey, what did you call me earlier?” you asked when you sat down again. “I thought you were about to say something before your aunt showed up.”

“I uh, I just called you witchy, you know, cause you’re my witch.” He shrugged like it was no big deal. “And I don’t remember what I was gonna say. It was probably nothing important.”

“If you say so.” You grabbed the pillow you had been clutching before and clasped it tight to your chest again. Never before did Rafayel think he would be jealous of a pillow.

The moment from before where it felt like everything was going to come bursting out of him had gone but he could still feel the words he hadn’t spoken stuck in the back of his throat. Nothing important he had said. What a foolish lie.

Too much was going wrong in your life to be fair. For one, you were broke. Two, you had skipped breakfast and were starving as a result. And three, you realized you had feelings for Rafayel only after you had set him up with the most perfect woman in the world.

So there you were, doing some landscaping gig in the hot Linkon summer heat for extra cash because you were already a week late on rent, you were hungry, you were thirsty, and you could barely focus because your mind kept going back to Rafayel.

You knew it was useless pining after a taken man but it just hurt so damn much thinking back on all those moments together and realizing that you were unknowingly falling for him. There he was looking for a friend and you had to go and ruin it by wanting more. He didn’t know. All he knew was that you suddenly stopped talking to him. If you were a true friend you’d be able to swallow the pain of seeing him with another girl and be happy for him and support their relationship. But you were selfish.

You wanted him. You wanted to stand by his side as not just his friend but as something more. You wanted him to look at you and only you.

You wondered what it would be like to be his. To embrace him, to hear him say that he desired you in the same way. To kiss him. Oh…right, you had already kissed him, hadn’t you? You could hardly remember it since it happened when you were actively drowning. If you had known that was the only time you were going to have the chance you would have kissed him back.

Did his lips taste of salt just because you were in the sea or would they carry that flavor now still?

You got lost in your own head imagining it all and realized you had dug out the flowerbed far too deep and had to shovel soil back in. You needed to stop thinking about him. Not just because it hurt but it was actively interfering with your work and you were already on thin ice with your landlord. You literally couldn’t afford to get distracted and miss out on this payday.

It killed you because you knew if you really needed some quick money you could have sold the painting Rafayel gave you. It would have paid your rent through the rest of the year if you sold it to the right person. But you had considered it over and over and each time you talked yourself into doing it, you’d reach to take it off your wall and stop. Rafayel had given you that painting because you genuinely loved it. To just give it to someone else…

So on your wall it remained and here you were, sweat running down your back and your mouth dryer than a desert. After you were done here you had another job to get to. Then maybe, just maybe, you’d be able to scrape together just enough to get your landlord off your back.

After landscaping was finished you had just enough time run home for a quick shower and change before you had to rush off again. What you came back to though was not what you wanted to see though. An eviction notice taped to your door.

“No. No no no no!” you tore the notice off and ran downstairs to find your landlord and knocked rapidly on the door.

The old man answered with a scowl on his face. “Figured it’d be you breaking down my door. Unless you have the money right now you can kiss that apartment goodbye!”

“Mr. Baek, please! I am getting it! I will have it for you tomorrow I swear!” you pleaded.

“No!” he snapped, waving his cane at you. “I am done giving you more time. You’ve been late on rent many times before now and I’ve been gracious but you have proven to be unreliable. Just be glad I’m giving you the grace of packing up your things first instead of throwing them out myself. I want you out of that apartment first thing tomorrow morning!”

“Please! I swear there won’t be any more late payments! I will have the money tonight! Just please don’t kick me out!” You hated the idea of asking Thomas for money but it was the only way you could see being able to give Mr. Baek the money right now.

“No!” Mr. Baek snarled, “Now go away before I decide to kick you out tonight.” He hobbled back into his house and slammed the door shut in your crying, sweaty face.

You trudged up to your apartment, eviction notice still crumpled in your fist as you sank to the floor and sobbed. Why! Why was this happening? Why couldn’t anything in your life go the way you wanted it?

You didn’t pull yourself off the floor until the sun had sank into evening. All the fight in you had vanished and you had just sat there crying and lamenting everything that was wrong with your life to your cats that huddled around you like a wall. You didn’t even bother going to your other odd job. You were too emotionally drained from that afternoon to do anything but sulk in your apartment.

What finally got you moving was the sound of your stomach rumbling and the uncomfortable feeling of your dried sweat sticking to your skin. You ran a shower, standing under the spray until the water turned cold and then made some dinner from what you had left in the fridge.

You plopped onto your bed with the cup noodles in hand and sighed. The good thing at least was that you didn’t have a lot to pack. None of the furniture in this apartment was yours, the last owner had left it and so it would remain. All you really had was clothes, some decor, cat toys, bed sheets, like three pots and pans, a handful of towels, and your electronics. The biggest thing that was yours was the cat tree but you had no idea how you were going to be able to move that. It was tall and cumbersome and though your cats loved it you knew it’d be more hassle to try and bring it with you.

Where were you even going to go? Thomas was your first thought but he and Solana were busy getting ready for their baby and putting you up would just be more stress that new parents didn’t need. You weren’t good enough friends with Jamie to ask to stay at their place indefinitely, not that you could since they lived in the university dormitories. You couldn’t ask Merri since you were too new of friends and you really couldn’t stand the idea of living there even if she was fine with it. What if she had Rafayel over while you were there? What if you had to see them being so perfectly happy and in love right in front of you? Your heart was broken enough without adding that to the fire.

The only option it seemed was to move back home. You’d have to quit your job at the cafe but that was hardly an issue since you barely had any hours any more.

You’d find a job back home to help make more money for the family, and at least splitting bills with your dad would make finances easier. Not to mention everything was cheaper out in the country than in the city. You knew your dad would love to have you home and helping out around the house again.

You didn’t want to leave the city but it was looking like you had little other choice.

You tossed and turned all night and when morning broke you started packing everything away. You abandoned the pots and pans to the apartment for the next tenant, loaded your cats in a crate just big enough for all three, everything else you were barely able to shove into a large suitcase and backpack.

Mr. Baek had said he wanted you out first thing in the morning but if you knew anything about that man it was that he slept late so his mornings didn’t start until noon at the earliest. You double checked you had everything, made a final sweep of the apartment for anything you could have missed, and left by early afternoon.

You had booked a train ticket home but it wasn’t until evening when fare was cheaper. You also didn’t want to deal with all your luggage in a crowded train.

You weren’t sure what to do in the meantime. You tried going to the park for some respite but you were attracting a crowd with your luggage and your crate full of cats. It felt like a million eyes were on you and you couldn’t stand it.

By the time the sun was starting to set you had decided to drown your sorrows and took refuge at an outside bar. You pulled up on the plastic chairs and sat down, settling your belongings next to you as a confused employee approached and set down a bottle of water.

“What’ll you have?” they asked.

You took in a deep breath and checked the time. A few hours before your train still.

You looked back at the employee and shrugged. “Anything strong?”

~~~

Rafayel had never needed to break up with anyone before, mainly because he hadn’t really dated before. There had been flirtations but nothing serious. He knew ever since he was a child that there was a chance he’d be coming to land to find love so he hadn’t concerned himself with anyone else. So it was a strange day when Rafayel found himself looking up articles on how to break up with someone.

He had enjoyed his time with Meredith and he didn’t want to hurt her, especially since she was your friend too. He owed her something for making her waste three weeks on a relationship his heart had never been into.

The good news at least being that after he had delivered the news he could find you and confess how he felt. He had tried calling you the night of his revelation but you didn’t answer. He wished that you would speak to him, he missed the sound of your voice terribly. Hopefully, after this afternoon, he’d be able to hear it every day.

So it was that Rafayel found himself sitting in a cafe with Merri across from him as he told her he didn’t want to go out with her anymore. “I am terribly sorry for wasting your time, Merri.” he said.

Merri blinked at him confused and hurt. “I don’t understand. I thought that things were going well between us. We have fun, don’t we?”

“We do and you are great but…” Rafayel took in a deep breath. “I have feelings for someone else.”

“Someone else?” Merri clutched the drink in her hand tighter. “Who?”

Rafayel hesitated. “You have to understand that she doesn’t know that I like her yet. I do not want this to ruin your friendship with her or make you upset. I don’t even know if she will return my feelings but I love her. I have for a long time and I am only sorry that it took so long for me to realize it.”

“Oh…” Merri trailed off. “I feel like I should have seen this coming. You talk about her so often and I thought it was just because she had set us up and because all three of us were friends but you--”

“Merri--”

“Do you really love her?” she asked.

Rafayel nodded. “I do.”

Merri sucked in a sharp breath. “Becuase I have such respect for her I want to be gracious and I want to humbly encourage you to go after who you really like but I don’t think I can do that just now. I really do like you and after almost a month of dating you’re suddenly breaking up with me for my friend who you don’t even know if she likes you too and I just--just--”

Merri was upset, he could tell that much. He had hoped that since their relationship was so short lived she wouldn’t have been this upset but she had a softer heart than he expected.

“I know that this isn’t good. It isn’t fair to you and I am sorry it didn’t work out. Maybe in another life where I had met you first things would have been different but you deserve someone who can give you the kind of love and affection you deserve. You are wonderful.”

“I know I am.” Merri said, a hint of pride breaking through the mess of disappointment. “It doesn’t make it hurt less though.”

“I understand.” Rafayel hated this. It was such a sad an awkward conversation. How did humans do this all the time? It seemed exhausting.

Merri looked at him, disappointment and hurt morphing into acceptance. “Can I just ask one favor of you?”

“What is it?”

“Give me a grace period.”

“What’s a grace period?” Rafayel hadn’t come across this in his breakup research.

“It’s an amount of time where you stay single after getting out of a relationship. Knowing you I’d bet anything you were hoping to run off and confess your feelings immediately after this but all I am asking is to give me the dignity of waiting a couple days before you two get together.”

Was this some kind of human custom? Why did he have to wait? Would you find it rude if he confessed right after breaking up with your friend? Maybe you would. Damn it.

“How long do you suggest I wait?” Rafayel asked.

“Well, before you dumped me I was going to tell you about this research trip I had been invited to go on next week. I will be in the middle of the ocean for a month. If you can give me the mercy of waiting to get together until after I am gone and I don’t need to witness you both being in love it would be greatly appreciated. It’ll also be nice since the work will be a welcome distraction from another relationship down the toilet.” Merri sighed. “Can you just give me a few days?”

Just a few days. Less than a week. Rafayel could do that. Right?

“Deal.” Rafayel answered with reluctance. “And again, I am sorry.”

Merri nodded, standing up. “Treat her right, she’s sweet and she deserves someone just as kind.”

Merri left and Rafayel sat for a long while at that table watching the ice melt in his glass. What a mess. Maybe it was for the best. You were still avoiding him so your first interaction after weeks of being ignored should probably be less intense than him admitting his deepest love for you. That kind of confession would probably scare you off after weeks of silence. Best to take it slow. That still meant that he had to find you and get you talking to him again.

It was late evening now and Rafayel was taking a walk around the city trying to clear his head. Since texting and calling was getting him nowhere maybe he needed to do the rude thing and show up at your house. As terrible as the idea of walking into your den of feline monsters was, not seeing you at all was even worse.

Hopefully you weren’t working or sleeping or--

Rafayel stopped, his eye catching a familiar figure slumped over a small outside table. There was no way that was you. His eyes were playing tricks on him.

As he got closer though, sure enough, he saw that it was you barely clinging to consciousness. Next to you was some bags and a cage with your three little monsters inside.

“Hey, hey wake up,” he nudged your arm, “Wake up, witchy.”

Your eyes cracked open, haziness dissipating into a glare. “Fishy?”

Rafayel rolled his eyes. “Yeah, it’s your fishy. I was walking by and I saw you laying here. What are you doing?”

“Oh, so now--now you wanna see me!” your speech was slurred and heavy as you pushed yourself up to your elbows and continued to shoot him daggers.

“What are you--I’ve been wanting to see you for weeks! You’re the one that’s been avoiding me.”

“Uh huh, sure,” you peered into your empty cup and frowned. “Too busy making out with--with perfect little Mary Beth.”

“Meredith, and we haven’t been making out--nevermind--what are you doing?”

“I’m having a drink before I go.” you reached for the bottle to refill your glass and protested when Rafayel took it away from you.

“Are you drunk right now?”

“...no…” you pouted, turning away from him.

“By the tides, you are.” He sighed, putting the nearly empty bottle on an empty table. “Isn’t it dangerous for a pretty girl like you to be getting drunk alone? What if someone took advantage of you?” Just the idea was enough to make him feel violently ill. “Come on, I’ll take you home--”

“No! I want fries!” you pointed at the sign advertising fries behind him. “Do I have money for fries? Fy money. Yummy golden fry money.” You tried reaching for your bag and slipped off your chair.

“Hey! Watch it!” Rafayel caught you. “What is going on with you? Why are you getting drunk and what’s with the bags?”

You slumped back into your seat, fiddling with your empty cup again. “I got evac--evacuated.” you stuttered.

“Evacuated? From your apartment?”

You nodded. “Yup.”

“Why? Was there an emergency?”

“No money…” your eyes were growing heavy again.

“No money?” Rafayel’s brows drew together before he realized what you were actually trying to say. “Wait! Did you mean to say you got evicted?” He gave you a small shake.

Your eyes went wide and then you pitched forward, hurling all over his shoes. “Son of a--”

He kicked the vomit off his shoes and straightened you up, grabbing a napkin and wiping your mouth clean. “That’s it, you’re coming with me.”

He called for a cab but you weren’t near the road so he had to haul you onto his back, grab your bags, carefully balance your crate of monsters on your rolling luggage, and trudge to the nearest road for pickup. The driver wasn’t too keen on having the cats in the car but Rafayel offered him a generous tip and suddenly he was helping load luggage.

When you made it back to his aunt’s house the driver helped him unload everything again and then it was the same balancing act as before. “You are so lucky my aunt is doing a show tonight. I won’t have to answer any of her questions until tomorrow.”

“Raf…” you stirred to waking as Rafayel carried you into the house.

“Yeah, I’m here,” he kicked open the door to the spare bedroom. He set you down on the bed. “There, that’s better than a table huh?”

“Raf,” your hand caught his when he tried to turn around to hit the lights. “Don’t go…”

“I’m not going anywhere,” He knelt by your side. “See, I’m right here.”

Your gaze was unfocused yet your eyes continued to sparkle in the pale moonlight. Even in your inebriated state you were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He reached to tug off your shoes and scooted you up on the bed. “Let’s get you comfortable, here, under the covers.”

“Raf,” your voice was quiet. “Do you love her?”

“Love who?” he asked.

“Mary Beth.” you grumbled.

He almost laughed. “No, cutie, I don’t love Meredith.”

“Good,” you snuggled deeper into the bed, “cause I do…”

“You love Meredith?”

“Love you…” you mumbled, eyes falling closed.

His heart was in his throat, hand hovering over you like he was afraid to touch you lest you turn out to be a hallucination. But your hand was still holding his. You were real. You were here. And you loved him.

“I love you too, my little witch,” he whispered. “And I am really hoping you remember that in the morning.”

He placed a gentle kiss to your forehead, your breathing already falling into a deep cadence of sleep.