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Stranger: *Gesturing to Alex* Is this man bothering you? Henry: Yes, but he is my husband. I signed up for this

Jesper: Don’t worry, I have a few guns up my sleeve. Wylan: I think you mean cards. Jesper, pulling guns out of his sleeves: No, I do not.

Scott: Do you want to play 20 Questions? Kip: …Sure. Kip: What’s your favorite color? Scott, laser focused: Triangle. Do you love me?

Henry: Alex kissed me! Pez: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Henry: It was unbelievable! Pez: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Pez: Okay, we wanna hear everything. Bea, get the wine and unplug the phone. Henry, does this end well or do we need tissues? Henry: Oh, it ended very well. Bea: Do not start without me! Do not start without me! Pez: Okay, alright, let’s hear about the kiss. Was it a soft brush against your lips or was it like a, you know, “I need you now” kind of thing? Henry: Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then—oh God—and then we just sort of sunk into it. Pez: Ohh… So, okay, was he holding you? Or were his hands on your back? Henry: First he started out on my waist and then they slid up and then he was in my hair. Bea and Pez: Ohhh. meanwhile Alex, eating pizza: And, uh, and then I kissed him. Nora: Tongue? Alex: Yeah. June: Cool.

Ron: Sorry, I’m late to the party. I’ve been doing things. Harry, entering in an unbuttoned shirt: I got caught up doing things too. Percy: Wow, Ron was late too! What a coincidence! Bill, looking on with Charlie: So, he doesn’t know yet? Charlie: He knows. He just doesn’t accept it.

Dustin: Ooh, somebody has a crush. Mike: What? No, I don’t have a crush on Will, I just think he’s— he’s cool, okay? It’s not like I stay up at night thinking about him. Later that night Mike, very much awake: Uh oh.

Ron: Babe, could you—? Harry, pointing at himself and looking around, before looking back at Ron: Babe? Ron: Bloody hell, I meant to say mate! Harry: Nope. From now on, you have to call me “babe.” If you call me “mate,” I won’t respond. You can upgrade but you can’t downgrade.

Harry: Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.

Hayden: Welcome to the “fuck Rozanov” support group, where we gather to say a collective “fuck you” to that stupid menace. JJ: But first, a few words from our newest member. Shane, sweating: So, I may have misunderstood—

Ilya, carrying a box: What would you say if I, hypothetically, came home with 7 puppies one day? Shane: … Shane: What’s in the box? Ilya: What would— Shane: Ilya, what’s in the box? Ilya: I think you know.

Klaus: I just ended a five year relationship Rebekah: Oh my god, are you okay? Klaus: I'm fine, it wasn't my relationship *points to Stefan and Elena arguing in the background*

Will: That’s ridiculous, Mike doesn’t have a crush on me. Dustin: Dude—yes, he does. Lucas: He really does. Max: It’s painfully obvious. Mike: YES, I DO.

Alex, popping a whole Cornetto into his mouth at once: You love me! Henry, horrified and resigned: I do, against my better judgment.

Ilya: Do you still love me? Shane: Of course I do. Ilya: Even though I’m mean to you? Shane: Especially because you’re mean to me. Shane: It turns me on.

Ron: Sit down, I’m gonna torture you now Harry, smirking: Kinky. Ron: I think you’re sweet and beautiful. Harry: What— Ron: You deserve to be cared for. Harry: Stop, now— Ron: Your feelings are valid and deserve to be heard. Harry: I NEED A SAFE WORD!!!

Ellen: So how's parenthood treating you guys? Henry: Good, but i didn't except this much crying. Ellen: Don't worry, that's normal for babies this young. Henry: What? No, the baby is fine.... I was talking about Alex. Alex: *sobbing from the nursery* I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Henry, watching Alex drink coffee: Why are you making that face? Did someone finally poison you, or is the American coffee just that tragic? Alex: You put salt in my coffee as some posh little prank, but I’m gonna keep drinking it because I’m petty and I refuse to let you win.